Dinh's Journey
by Andrew Passey
Chapter 18
"Fuck….nnggg…..fuck…….mmpphhh…." I grunted as Max thrust his big dick in and out of me. I knew he was close as his breathing and his groans quickened before with a final shout he shot his cum deep inside me.
"Fuck I really needed that!" Max said, slapping my bum affectionately. His parents were out so we'd been able to make as much noise as we liked.
"Me too!" I said with a grin turning around once he'd slipped out. He was clearly happy for more fun as he got into position for me to fuck him.
Once I was done and we'd showered clean, we lay on his bed naked. I decided it was the right time to talk to him about Alex. I hadn't actually seen him since last night's event and the meeting with Phuc. Alex was out on a date with Megan and I came over to Max's for a sleepover. I loved having fun with Max but felt I should be honest about things.
"So…there's no easy way to say this. I'm in love with Alex and I want him to be my boyfriend. I've tried to tell him before but he didn't really listen. This time, I'm going to tell him everything," I said nervously. I didn't want Max to think I'd just been using him until I found something better, his reply surprised me but I guess it shouldn't have, it just reiterated that Max had been honest about everything with me,
"Good idea, if you love someone you should tell them."
"You aren't annoyed?" I asked. I was surprised by his reaction as I expected him to be disappointed.
"Annoyed about what? We're not boyfriends are we? This is just two mates having fun together, I know you love Alex, it's written all over your face when you're with him. This thing between us was never more than what it is now. It's been so much fun and I love having sex with you. However if you get together with Alex and stop having sex with me then I'll cope. I'll miss your tight arse though! And you'll just have to cope with a smaller cock inside you!"
I smiled at him and squeezed his soft dick with my hand. "Who knows what will happen. I would definitely miss this! Even if Alex decides he will become my boyfriend, which is certainly far from a likely scenario, then we might still be able to have fun together. It's all pie in the sky at the moment anyway. Alex has a girlfriend. So while I'll feel better than I've been totally honest with him he may feel differently. Last time I tried to talk to him about it he shut me down." I didn't tell Max that it was all off the back of the time Alex was balls deep in me briefly and that I understood why he reacted the way he did. That was between me and Alex. Still, Max had his own advice to give.
"Just be honest with him! Tell him what we've been doing together. Maybe he's scared of getting involved because of what you've been through? He might be jealous as fuck that you've actually been having sex for a while but once he's over that it might help him take the next step with you. Hmm, I guess we should take advantage of having sex while we still can though just in case he puts a stop to it soon!" Max said, grabbing my bum cheeks and letting me know he was ready for round two!
By the time I left Max's the next morning we'd had round three and four. My bum was stinging slightly but in a good way. I realised yet again how great Max had been for me. He'd opened my eyes to understanding that sex is fun. I wasn't totally healed, some things that happen to you can never be completely forgotten. But he'd helped me associate sex with pleasure and fun rather than the pain and suffering it was before.
That evening after dinner we all watched Thor Ragnorak together as a family which was a nice way to relax. I'd been thinking that I'd speak to Alex as soon as I could as I was keen to get it all there. When it was done Alex and I went to play some PS4 before bed. This was my opportunity.
"Um can we talk?" I asked as I put down the controller after losing to Alex at FIFA as usual.
"Aren't we talking now?" he replied with a smirk at me. It looked like he was going to make this harder than it needed to be so I decided to cut straight to the chase.
"I mean a serious talk."
"Sounds ominous!" His smirk had faded now and he just looked at me with a half smile. I suspected he didn't know what I was about to say.
"Well it shouldn't be ominous but I guess you can be the judge of that Alex. I want to be totally honest with you. I can't even remember if it told you this before but I love you. I have done almost since the moment we met. I've fallen for you really bad. I know you have a girlfriend and I understand that. However, I want you to be my boyfriend one day. I want to do everything with you including finishing off what we started in that hotel room. I know you were worried about hurting me after what's been done to me but you don't need to worry. You were right before that we shouldn't have done what we did in the hotel room. I wasn't ready after what I'd been through. I know that now. I've changed though. I've realised that sex is fun and that it's something that's amazing to experience. Now I want to experience it with someone I love, which is you. Whenever you are ready anyway. If that day never comes then fine but I wanted you to know how I was feeling."
The words had poured out of me like the Mekong when it was flooded, fast and furious and without thought. I just let those words I'd been holding for so long escape. Alex looked at me afterwards with an expression I couldn't read.
"Fucking hell," he said after a short while. He was clearly processing the words because he then looked at me in surprise
"Wait a second. How have you realised that sex is fun?!" he asked. I blushed at the directness of this. Typical Alex, I've just poured my heart out to him and his first question is back on me and what I've been up to. However there was no point in lying. Max was fine with me being honest with Alex and if I wanted things to move forward between us I had to tell him.
"Um, well you know, I've been..er.... having a fair bit of it..with um Max," I said blushing bright red in embarrassment.
"The cheeky fucker. How dare he take advantage of you. So you want to be my boyfriend but you already have one from the sounds of things!" Alex's voice went up an octave or two and it was obvious I had to quickly explain the situation between me and Max.
"No! He's not my boyfriend. He didn't take advantage of me. It's just two mates having fun together. He's not gay I think, he just likes having sex because it's fun. He's made me realise that sex doesn't need to be painful or complicated. It can just be fun."
Alex looked at me intently and then shrugged. "Well if you're sure he's not forced you but be careful. It's one thing sucking that monster cock of his but I'd get out of there before he tries to persuade you to take it up your arse....oh" Alex saw my expression at that last comment and his eyes widened.
"But his dick is huge!" he then said.
I shrugged and gave a sad smile. "As I said to Max when I asked him to put it in me..unfortunately I've had bigger ones before. But this isn't about me and Max. That's a sideshow. You're the boy I love. I wanted this talk to be about me loving you not about what I do with Max."
"Well having sex with another boy is a strange way of showing it's about me," Alex said looking grumpy.
"I've already explained this! Me and Max having sex is just a bit of fun. It's not serious. It's something I needed. I've been raped and mistreated so many times I thought I was irrecoverably broken! But sex with Max has helped me to at least process some of what has happened. It's still there and I'm not totally fixed but at least I have some different better experiences to dwell on. I want YOU to be my lover and help this broken boy become whole again. Anyway, you have a girlfriend that you might be having sex with so you can't blame me for finding some fun of my own!"
Alex tutted slightly at my words, "I can assure you there is no way Megan is letting me do anything more than kiss probably until we're bloody adults! I'm sorry. I haven't forgotten what you've been through and it's unreasonable for me to have expected you to act like a monk. It's just a bit of a shock to hear what you've been doing with Max."
"More of a shock than hearing that I love you" I asked still a bit confused why he was obsessing about the sex bit.
"Well that was a given. WHO wouldn't fall in love with me! I guess I'm just a bit concerned about Max."
"Why?" I asked in surprise wondering if he'd actually listened to any of the words I'd been saying.
"Well say one day we did become boyfriends...I'd be worried about that famous saying..." Alex looked very serious as he said this and I wondered where he was going with this.
"What saying Alex?!"
"Once you have black you don't go back!"
He giggled as he said that and I also giggled at his joke which released the tension in the room. I then decided to put his mind at ease. "If you become my boyfriend Alex, I can assure yours would be the only dick I would want. Once you've planted your seed in me it would grow into a tree of love between us that nothing could break!"
"That is well fucking cheesy!" Alex replied with a giggle.
I know! So...does that mean you want to become boyfriends?!" I asked hopefully.
"No. I'm sorry Dinh. I understand how you feel. I feel the same as well at times but I can't just....i don't want to make a rush decision. I've got Megan and I don't want to two time her. If we got together and it all went wrong it would break my heart. Mum and Dad would be furious at me after what you've been through. It's not as simple as me just saying yes. There are other people involved and if Mum and Dad thought I'd coerced you I'd probably be grounded for the rest of my life."
"There's no coercion though! It's my decision to tell you I love you. I want YOU!"
"I know you do," Alex said with a soft smile. "I love that you do. My ego is expanding at an exponential rate just hearing those words! I just...I just need some time Dinh. I need to process all of this. I need to be totally sure what my heart says and my head. My little head might say yes but it only thinks about one thing! Life is a lot more complicated than that. Let me think about things and I'll let you know when I'm ready to talk about it again."
I was disappointed but then again what should I have expected. Just because I'd decided I was ready it was unreasonable of me to expect Alex would instantly say he felt the same way. However he'd told me enough that gave me a glimmer of hope. Unlike a lot of people who would say it was the hope that killed you, I'd learnt through my suffering that sometimes hope was the only thing you had left to hold on to. So I was more than happy to hold on to the glimmer of hope I had. In the meantime I'd give Alex time and see where life took us.
Most importantly I'd got the words out that i'd wanted to say to him. He now knew exactly how I felt and what I'd been doing with Max. If it never went anywhere with him well, at least it wasn't because I'd kept it to myself..
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