TeddyBear's Story - Part 3

This is the true story of my life, it will be painful for me to write and maybe difficult for some of you to read and I hope it will help somebody to an understanding of themselves.

It is dedicated to my first "life" partner who died in my arms at the age of twenty.

Hugs to all


So here I am again just over twenty the love of my life has gone what next?

I have just gone through the worst six years of my life gained and lost David, I was a wreck I just did not know where to start, but realized that I had to go on try to go forward I did what I had done before worked 12 to 14 hours a day not give myself room to think this was good because the money was nice. David’s dad kept in touch with me as did Peter, and I found out that "She" was going to leave them and it seemed that they were happy about this.

I was working all over the place now I had set up my own business and this protected me

As I was working for myself, if it had wire in it I could repair it and had designed all sorts of machines and electronic devises and this was to be my job for the rest of my life no challenge was to much, I had been working in Kent and was driving into London late one night I was tired and all of a sudden my vision started to go funny sort of patches and blobs that were missing I pulled up very quickly and nearly wrapped the car around a lamp post I was very frightened there was a car behind me and the two guys stopped to find out what was up and helped me to get to a major eye hospital in London I was there for about 15 days then they shipped me back to the Queen Elisabeth in Birmingham

Some of the tests were horrible and now all done with scanners I lost a couple of days after one of them, well after 5 months I started to get a bit of sight in my left eye and this slowly improved but the right one has never worked since and in fact I had to have a couple of operations.

The result was I could not see well enough to do electronic work and my cash levels were vanishing fast so I ended up buying a run down café not far from the Birmingham City football club, it was a dive! Even had red light functions!!!! I closed it and did a lot of work and ran it for two years hard work but not really a challenge, so I started a plumbing company (Same rules as most electronic things) and after it was on it feet sold the café and later sold plumbing Co to one of the guys that worked for me and went back to Electronics after several changes in direction ended up working in London for a company designing and building stage gear and sound reinforcement equipment for the music industry we have now got to 1970 and I am doing tours with huge rock bands ( all the BIG ones of that time) and working in recording studio’s world wide but I am still very, very lonely as I have not dared to get into a relationship with anybody, and in fact I had not had any form of sexual contact since loosing David

My reputation for design was very good so I was living a very good life traveling round the world in first class and private jets, and enjoying my work and was offered a Job working at a Major Organ company in Chicago and during this time met a Policeman!

And some of his friends, and with his help started to come out of my shell, but due to only a two year contract I left Chicago and returned to my traveling.

In 1977 I heard that my Mother was very ill and not expected to live and because of this decided to return to the UK giving up my exotic lifestyle, she in fact recovered and after a few other major health problems went on (now 96 and still going !) I got involved in putting a recording studio, with a record pressing plant in Greece this took two years to get it all together and I admit that there were some nice Greek guys in my life at that time, but I did not seem able to enter a long term relationship.

On returning to the UK in 1979 I went back to the Midlands and started a new business mostly electronic organs and keyboards but got involved in building very odd things for television commercials lots of radio controlled stuff from cars (real ones!) to puppets!

My life had taken yet another twist, I purchased an old derelict building and started to repair it and by 1984 had got the place into nice condition and was working on an apartment within the building I had, had some computer experience in the mid 70"s and soon got involved in playing with and writing software and designing hardware for a lot of early home computers and with my special knowledge of certain types go involved in Prestel (early BT system) and was editing a computer area in my spare time and discovered a closed group a gay group! Oh this was a wonderful thing to be able to talk to guys who were the same as myself…

I was talking (via computer one night) to a guy in Yorkshire about Computers when he typed something that suggested that he might be in the CUG (closed user group) I did not respond to it but started to watch closely and sure enough a few days later I had worked out his user name! And casually dropped it in one night this started months of conversations via computer and we seemed to have a lot in common but was 15 years younger than I so I did not think anything would happen but one night he asked if he could talk on the phone to me and over the next few weeks we talked and talked, it turned out he was a Nurse and after many weeks He asked if we could meet I was very nervous about this but said yes he came down the next weekend via train and I met him at the station I was petrified but recognized him and we went home he was fascinated by all the things I was doing and I found out that his job was in geriatrics and he liked older people, well as you must be able to see one thing lead to another and we fell in love, we were spending time both in the midlands and Yorkshire whenever we could.

One Christmas He invited me up to his home and we talked a lot and decided that we would like to see if we could live together, he was doing huge hours with no staff and burning out so it was decided he would move down to my home and over the next few weeks we got it organized and I was very happy but I still had problems I had not been able to tell him all about David and this was a major issue it started very soon as he had an clock radio that turned the radio on and buzzed at the same time this might not sound important but the David and I had a similar unit and we had it set for drug times… and it had gone off a few minuets after he died.. Some how this had been imprinted on me and I only had to hear it and I was a wreck I would freeze up and start crying and could not explain why to my man in the end he slowly got the story out of me and told me he was very proud of me and he now knew whey I had a ring on that I would not take off

At various times we had terrible rows but seemed to get over them but it was affecting my work so it was serious eventually we had the most terrible fight physical as well as mental, this caused me to walk out as I could not come to terms with things, my staff kept the place running and after a few days my guy phoned his family came out to them and they came and collected him, I returned very hurt again and just worked my ex guy would phone at all sorts of times and my staff blocked his calls for weeks. One Saturday morning he turned up in the building and we both realized that we had both been wrong he was headstrong and I was an immovable object so we ender up in bed and after spent the weekend talking over our problems and decided to try again (we still are!) In 1989

I had an old health problem flair up my lower back had been damaged in my twenties and had come back with a vengeance and I found that I could not work this caused all sorts of cash flow problems and I had to pack up the business and get rid of the building this was a very painful thing as I had done so much to it and had spent 10 years there, how ever we had no options and were now living in a flat, my guy was now running a private nursing home and working hard but there were some ethical problems where the owner was interfering in the medical area and compromising the care of the patients, my guy told him that if he continued he would leave he promised that he would not do it again but a few weeks later was at it again, end result my guy walks and the health authority jumps on owner . Well we are living on my little allowance and that’s hard stretching it round to keep two guys a large Alsatian and two cats in the manner they are used to.

My man "K" had always fancied working abroad but as he was frightened on flying had never done anything about it, one day in 1990 we went to a nursing exhibition in London and we found that a large hospital in Toronto was recruiting staff for geriatric long term care in a lovely setting mostly service veterans well we talked for days and I told him that I thought that a 12 month contract with them paying for everything was a good move and so it was decided after much heart ache we got it all together and I literally had to push him on the plane! He loved it! And soon settled into the new job the money was good and the workload light compared with the UK and as I had told him the city was great!

It was hard without him by my side but I only ever wanted "K" to be happy and after 9 months the hospital were so happy with him they offered him a full time job and would pay for his immigration we talked on the phone a lot and I convinced him to go for it,

One thing he had done was to "come out" to the people he was working with and this made life better and soon I was on my way for 3 months holiday with him he had found a small but nice apartment only 10 minuets walk from the hospital and the city was just as I had told him clean bright and great fun the 3 months passed in a flash and I was back in the UK I was working but being very careful not to overdo things and was soon overseeing rebuilding on a lovely house built in 1915 for a good friend of mine it was a major job that just seemed to grow as we kept finding major problems dry rot leaking gas pipes faulty plumbing rotting floor joists roof etc but as my friend had a timber company these were soon dealt with. We had just got a little concert room at the bottom of his garden finished and they sprang a surprise birthday party for me lots on nice gifts but at the end of the evening they sprang the best one a little card that said that I was to book a return flight to Toronto! And soon I was back with "K" this time for six months, parting was the only problem and It used to take me weeks before I could work as I was so unhappy being in England without him but this was the way it had to be.

Shortly after this return I woke up one night with a bad cough and ended up with a bad hernia so shortly I was under the knife again! A good thing because I at last got to see

The head of the local pain clinic and he was able to do some work on my back to get the severe pain under control again, and the back to Toronto this was to go on until my visit in October 1999 "K" was now spending most of his time with computers a clinical systems, we had talked many times about me moving permanently but there were great problems! My age for a start Canada works on a points system after 40 you stat to lose points, no paperwork qualifications = no points, my French is not good =no points

As fast as I could find an extra point they moved the goal posts! So it had not happened.

A few days before I was to leave on March the 14th "K" said to me " you really done want to go back do you?" I had to reply, no there is nothing in the UK for me, so we decided to try for the impossible that was to obtain landed status from within Canada on Humanitarian and companionate grounds so I had to apply for a visa extension and start to get the paperwork together what a battle that was, I had wanted to do something useful and was working for free as the technical director of a university radio station this was later to help as the reference the manager gave me was "glowing" to say the least, and I was enjoying the challenge of rebuilding

We had moved to another apartment in the same building in 1996 and our mogs had already immigrated! So it was just me if only I could do it my visa was extended and things were moving in August I heard that they would consider my application, more paperwork police checks in UK references taken up of people in UK that knew us as a couple (handy I had a Vicar as a customer and his was a good letter one of about ten that we had in November 2000 I had a call on my cell phone at work (could not do paid work because I was not allowed to ) it was immigration wanting "K’s" wage slips etc even though he was not allowed to sponsor me! This was Friday and they wanted info by Monday morning as I was up for review again! We got it all faxed off and sat back to wait again, the last Friday before Xmas last post I had a letter from Immigration It was written in civil servant! Had I or had I not got in? The letter was a joke! But a phone call to the help desk in Toronto confirmed YES! I was in, I still had to wait for all the papers and to pay the landing fee etc but it was going to happen! This was to be the greatest Xmas in my life.

"K" had had several offers of a new job (he was being hunted by his ex boss who had moved to Victoria in BC) and it all looked wonderful they were to pay for the move fully

He was to start in the second week in Jan 2001 and I was to pack on the 17th and fly out, I was upset at leaving my job it was very painful to leave the last day but I still have two to five phone calls a week so still have some input. (just had one to organize a transmitter tune up session while writing this) I flew to Victoria and the paperwork for landing turned up and on the 6th of April 2001 I officially "landed" in Canada!

I had done it I would not have to leave my guy again! 2001 flew by I had started to put a little business together and I was talking to one of my brothers in the UK and found that My 96 year old mother wanted to visit us, this was a shock but soon we had it organized with all the equipment that she would need to live with us and in October they arrived for a month, I did not know just how everybody would get on as my brother and his wife had been homophobic but it all worked out Mother thinks "K" is wonderful and my sister in law even told "K" she was glad he was part of the family and my brother’s comment after returning to the UK was " well I seem to have another brother now" but "K" was having major problems with work his direct boss was a fool and was asking for figures to be "adjusted" and as they would go to the ministry this was not on one thing lead to another a "K" ended up telling him what to do with his job, I had no problem with that but as the whole of Vancouver island is one health authority out of one job , you cant get another ! so a couple of phone calls and "K" has a good job lined up in Toronto ! But we have to pay the cost of the move so we are apart again Him working in Toronto and me in Victoria looking for any old work to pay the bills and as I am now 60 this is not so easy I am now told I am too qualified and have to much know how! You cannot win.

Well I have found some work two shifts 10pm to 6 am in the local Chevron garage its something but still need more as we have to save up $8000 to move our home!

And I am missing "K" I find I cannot sleep on my own and only being able to talk on the phone and e-mail is hard, but without internet connections over the years I could not have survived.

I have left out most of my working life (very hectic) and tried to give you my personal life without any frills I think that once I am back in Toronto it will not take long to get organized again. My life in Canada has been very open we make sure that everybody knows we are a couple, and this year we had a joint tax return as a "couple" the government and most employers now accept that gay couple exist. Our leases are in joint names our bank manager is totally helpful telling us the best way to set up accounts, Canada is far in advance of many countries including the UK in the way it treats gay couples and discrimination is not legal!

Maybe one day I will tell you all about my crazy work in the 70’s and some of the adverts that anybody in the UK will know.

So to anybody out there who is in trouble don’t despair as it will come right in the end,

Find somebody to talk to and work it out, I am always willing to help if I can to return a little help for all the help I have had in my life.

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part 1 | part 2

David you are still in my heart I still wear the ring you gave me and I still love you.

And "K" who owns my heart and makes everyday worthwhile

Hugs to anybody reading this I hope it has not frightened you but I have to tell this the way it was.

ICQ 155259473 teddybear