Robin, Chapter 9 - Falling into place: The New Life
by The Mouse
This story contains explicit descriptions of sexual acts between the characters in it. Although the characters are teenagers who may be below the age of consent in the country or state where this is read, nothing written here should be taken as approval of, or encouragement for, sexual liaisons between people where such liaisons are either illegal, or objectionable for moral reasons. Although this story does not include safe sex practices, it is everyone's own responsibility to themselves and to each other to engage only in PROTECTED SEX. It is a story. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Nothing represented here is based on any fact known to the authors.
The story is being written by several authors, each writing a different chapter. This chapter is © 2004 by The Mouse.
Do, please, email the authors with your comments. We all love to receive feedback.
Remembering that I had to wake up earlier that Saturday, to get a jump-start on my chores, I had set my alarm for 8 a.m. I was hoping mom would be gone having left a list of "manly" odds and ends to do around the house. I had no such luck. As I jumped from the bottom step onto the first floor (I was feeling fresh, the honesty of the night before had taken a heavy burden off my chest), I noticed my mom, a.k.a. "Shebeast," sitting at the kitchen table reviewing a tax return fax. I walked over to the kitchen counter to view my chore list and turned my back to her. I didn't know if she even noticed I was in the room. She was wearing her nightgown and bathrobe and looked tired and frail, like a soldier who had just lost a battle. But, I wondered if she had been fighting for a cause she believed in or one she had been taught to uphold? I honestly didn't know. Up to this point in my life, my mother had seemed very easygoing and open - minded. She was a working mom in a career that would have been considered more for men in her generation. But she couldn't accept my sexuality?
My thoughts were interrupted by my mom's monotone voice.
"You need to make sure to use the oil and gas mix for the push mower."
I sighed. At least she wasn't biting my head off about Robin. "I remember."
She was silent as she read over the fax paper again. I walked to the fridge and opened it looking for some eggs. "Do you want an omelet?" I asked. She was being more civil to me so I could bring myself to show her the same courtesy.
"You shouldn't be doing that."
I closed the door and turned to her, facing her back. The sight of her leafing through that return made my blood boil. "Mom, I'm gay. It is not something I can control; there is research that proves being gay can be caused by recessive genes. And Mom, you gave me half of mine." She was silent but I could tell she wasn't reading the paper in front of her anymore. "This is the way I was made. Do you think I would choose this? Why would I choose to be an outcast at this time? When schoolmates aren't very understanding. I'm not searching for a reason to be made fun of and rejected, you know."
"Then why do you do it?"
My eyes widened. Didn't I just say it? "Because it is the way I am!" I was going to get myself into a whole lot of trouble if I let myself continue on the rampage, but it was like the thing I saw in the mirror last night, the hate, finally had a vent. The vent wasn't violent or hateful, but it was working. Righteous fury, I think I had heard that somewhere before, and I tell you that is what it felt like. "I am not going to be unhappy the rest of my life pretending to be something that is more socially accepted. You taught me not to give in."
I heard her take in a deep, harsh breath, and I prepared myself to get a tongue-lashing. Instead she opened up what she must have had buried in her before I was even born. She turned in the chair to face me, tears streaming down her face. She made no sound, but a floodgate had been opened somewhere.
"What did...I...do?" She managed to gasp out more gracefully than I would have thought possible.
I felt like that weight had fallen back onto my chest and had gained a few pounds on its vacation. I slid down to the floor next to her and, to my own surprise, lay my head on her lap. I looked into her haggard face and realized how beautiful my mom was. Her honey - brown hair had been pinned up but was now falling down into her face, partially covering her red - rimmed, green eyes. Her face was one that always reminded me of the heroines in storybooks. Not the princess figures but the smaller character that is strong, powerful, and plain looking when you first see her. When her strength truly shines, she is more beautiful than any princess could ever wish to be. My mother seemed beautiful now because her strength had finally surfaced as she admitted it was herself she was angry with, not me. Before, when she was threatening and punishing, me she had reminded me of an animal and seemed repulsive. She wasn't in her strength then, she was like a Tasmanian Devil when cornered. Not brave, just lashing out at anything and everything in order to survive.
I felt her bend and wrap her arms around me, like she did when I saw the monster in my closet when I was small. "I'm sorry, Joey. I'm so sorry."
We sat like that for a long time, with her protecting me as we wept together. When her tears dried, she stood and I retreated to the fridge. She looked into my eyes and hugged my tightly and walked upstairs to her bedroom and shut the door. I didn't know exactly what that meant, but I felt better and I had a sense that maybe everything would work itself out in time.
I didn't feel like eating anymore so I picked up my list of chores and got crackin'. Whatever was going to happen would happen, but until then I would keep myself busy.
I finished my chores around 2:00; and by that time, was hungry enough to eat twenty hotdogs. Ha - ha shut up pervert. I came in the kitchen door and saw Mom standing there with three grilled cheese sandwiches and homemade fries. Wow, a favorite of mine.
"I made more, Joey." I cocked an eyebrow, not understanding what she was hinting at. "In case you want to invite a friend over."
My eyes must have lit up like stars. I was hugging my mom so hard in an instant she had to push me away to catch her breath. "I'm going marketing. Beth is awake and watching TV. You are responsible for her until I get home. That boy - "
"Robin," I corrected.
Mom nodded and decided not to roll her eyes. "Robin may come over, but Beth will be here and Dad will be home soon. This is the way its going to be for a while, there will be someone else in the house when you two are here, and if you go in your room you need to leave the door open enough so that I can walk by and see what is going on. Got it?"
I was still grinning from ear to ear. "Sure," I replied. This was fair. These would be her rules if she found me like that with a girl, so this was fair.
She nodded. "Amy can be the other person in the house if Beth your Dad and I are all away. I trust you to be honest. I'd rather you be honest and gay then straight and deceitful."
I hugged her again and said, "Deal," then added, "Love you, Mom."
She hugged me back. "I love you too, but I am not used to this...this boyfriend business and it's going to take me awhile. Okay?"
I nodded into the hug and when she let me go I ran to the phone to call Robin.
When he picked up the phone, I explained everything that happened and invited him over. He said he had never had French Fries before and asked if I wanted him to bring a deck of cards. I said, no that wasn't necessary, and we said goodbye. When I hung up the phone, I mouthed, "I love you" to the cradled receiver. I ran into the living room and plopped down on the couch next to my sister. She was still wearing her miss - matched pajamas and was wrapped up in the akin usually hung over the sofa. I pounced on her and gave her a big hug, too happy to contain myself.
"I love you, Beth."
"Ack! Get off me! You weigh a ton." She giggled while she said this; and I realized it was the first time I had heard her laugh since this whole antigay mess started.
I sat back beside her and looked watched Elmer Fudd sing opera to a dolled up Bugs Bunny.
"Is your boyfriend coming over?" I turned to look at Beth who sat contently watching Looney Tunes in her PJs.
I looked back to the set and said, "Yeah. That okay with you?"
She nodded and looked straight ahead. Funny how a nine - year - old can handle differences better than my own Mother.
"Do you know what it means that I have a boyfriend?"
"Uh - huh." She was still intent on Bugs.
I leaned my head back. "How do you feel about that?"
She turned to look me straight in the eyes (pardon the pun) and asked, "Do you love him?"
I was taken aback. That's all that should matter and she seemed to be the only human around who got that. "I think so."
"Does he love you?"
"I think so."
"Is he nice to you?"
I thought of Robin and how he was taking another chance with me and I nodded. "The nicest."
"It's okay with me." And that was the end of it. That's all she cared about. If I was happy and safe she was happy. At that moment my heart swelled for Beth; and, I restrained myself from crushing her in an embrace. Instead, I simply placed my hand over hers where it rested and watched Elmer attempt to strike Bugs down with bolts of lightening, content with being there, with being the way I was beginning to believe God made me.
When Robin came over about a half - hour later, Beth had gone up to her room to read and Mom was getting ready to go grocery shopping. I had hoped she would leave before Robin got there, I didn't want any more tension or any chance of her changing her mind. I didn't think the latter would happen, but I was cautious. It turns out I needn't have worried. Mom left almost as soon as Robin walked through the door, barely speaking to him and avoiding eye contact.
When Robin came inside, Mom was picking up her purse and keys, ready to head out. She turned and looked past Robin, and I saw him blush from the corner of my eye.
"I'm sorry...Robin," she said through clenched teeth. One of the most difficult things for my mother to do is to apologize to someone. She walked to the door, splitting us apart and put her hand out for Robin to accept. He looked at it skeptically and deciding it wasn't a threat, shook it. Mom nodded, kissed me on the cheek and left the house, closing the door behind her.
As soon as we heard the "click" of the door latch we were in each other's arms. I pressed my right cheek to his left and wrapped my arms around his neck. I buried my nose in his feathery hair and inhaled, breathing him in. Did I love Robin? I wasn't sure, but if I didn't then I was sure on my way in a high - speed jet plane.
"Oh, I missed you." I whispered. He turned his head and kissed me in front of the ear. I felt a tingle run up my spine and shivered in his arms.
"Joey? Joey, I'm sorry." He pushed me away enough to look me in the eyes. "Did I make you feel bailed up?"
I blinked. "Did you what?"
"You know," he said, "like you had to hold me? Like I...cornered you into it?"
It dawned on me that it was another Aussie slang. I laughed, "Sometimes it seems like you speak a different language."
"It might be better if I actually did. That way people wouldn't be taking what I say the wrong way."
"Such as?" I lifted an eyebrow questioningly.
Robin thought for a moment then said, "Well, the other day I called Jack a bastard in public and this old dill scolded me. I didn't know it was an insult in the states."
I laughed again and asked what it meant Down Under.
"Like dear, or honey here. An affectionate thing."
"Please don't call me your bastard, Robin."
He giggled and I led him to sit on the couch. "So, tell me more about Aussie - talk."
He leaned back against my chest and asked, "Why do you want to know suddenly."
"Well for one thing, how am I supposed to know if you are starting a fight with me or trying to be sweet? I'll be trying to cuddle while you'll want to bite my head off."
"Hmmm...I wouldn't do that. It's a little harsh."
I sighed and continued. "I also told you last night that I want to get to know you more."
"Well, you are a baby kangaroo spunk."
"I knew that, but what is spunk?"
He giggled and sat up on the couch and looked at me mischievously. "Nothing."
"Oh, sure!" I rolled onto him and started tickling his sides.
"Hey...Hey!" He gasped between laughs. "Okay, okay. It means you're sexy. There, happy?"
I kissed him full on the mouth as soon as he had the word "happy" out. I rubbed my tong over the center of his bottom lip where there was a faint scar that was white against his pink lips. He gasped and threw his arms around me, holding me to him and grinding his hips into mine. I felt firmness there through his pants and I felt my own pants getting tighter in that particular area. I broke away and lifted myself on my palms placed on either side of Robin, panting heavily. He looked up at me, worried he had offended me, I presume.
"We are going to have trouble with this whole 'going slow' thing, aren't we?"
He nodded and smiled. The smile made him look impish and I felt a throb in my underwear because of that smile.
"Don't do that I whispered."
"Do what?" His voice had a lilt in it that made my palms sweat and was beginning to drive me crazy.
"That," I said. "The naughty little smile. The way your making your voice sound."
He smiled even wider and lilted his voice even more. "Why not?"
"Because," I said through clenched teeth, "I'm on the edge of not being able to control myself."
"Oh, poor Joey." He giggled. I love Robin's giggle, but wasn't able to keep the grasp on me that smile and that sound of his voice were.
I pulled away from him. "Anyway, Beth's in the house."
"Oh," he said sitting up. "Well, do you want to go over to the park with her? We could, you know, play or something."
"Sure. Let me go up and tell her."
I rushed up the steps, still fully energized from my adrenaline rush when I was lying on top of Robin. "Beth! Oh Beth - ee!" Hey get over it, my sentence had been lifted and I was just making out with my boyfriend. I had a reason to be so cheery. As I reached her door, I tapped on it to the beat of "We Will Rock You."
Beth opened her door and I was surprised to see she had changed into jeans and a tee shirt. She was even ready with her shoes on. "Ready?" she asked. I swear I think she has ESP or something. "I heard you talking about the park. I figured we'd do something so I've been dressed for a little while."
I nodded; still half surprised, and led the way down the stairs.
The park was really just a small playground with two benches and two picnic tables over looking a jungle gym, a merry - go - round, three swings, and a tall corkscrew slide. This was all incased by a tall chain - link fence with two openings on either side that worked as an exit and entrance. I had brought over a soccer ball from my house for Robin and me to kick around incase we got tired of playing with Beth or talking. There were only a few kids playing on the jungle gym today and two mothers gossiping on one bench, occasionally turning their heads to make sure their children hadn't run off or fallen down and cracked their heads.
Beth ran for the slide as soon as we passed the fence and were officially in the park. She scrambled up the steep ladder and ducked under a metal bar at the top.
"Hey Joey! Robin! Look at me!" she exclaimed as she plopped down on her butt and pushed herself down the slide with her palms. She landed softly on the dirt at the end of the slide and kicked the ground in disgust. "Forget it. I can't do it right today," she called, and began to climb the ladder again.
Robin looked at me smiling and asked, "What did she want to do?"
I shrugged, "Probably some trick, or something." He nodded and we sat down on the bench about five feet away from the mothers' bench. I instinctively put my arm over his shoulders and didn't quite care when I saw the women on the other bench look at us strangely. At this point I could only think 'get over it.' I liked this. Being with Robin without giving each other sexual pleasure. It felt like I was getting to love him on a more intimate level, as if he were a family member.
No, I am not saying Robin felt like my husband at that point, I'm just saying I had a glimpse of what my mom and dad must feel. I liked it.
I was loving Robin. I could feel it for sure at that moment we were sitting on the bench together with the breeze tracing our features. It was the wonderful feeling I thought I had experienced earlier, but was just now really feeling it. The feeling was so enormous, I couldn't think about it too long without getting a headache.
I felt Robin's head on my shoulder and felt the comfort of his warm body against mine. "I love you," I whispered. I heard him respond, his voice muffled from his mouth on my jacket, that yes, he loved me too.
Turning to him, I lifted his chin slightly, so I could kiss his mouth. It was a small, chaste kiss, but it was enough for me right at that time.
"Queer boys," a gruff voice came from behind us. I turned to my left, and as I did I noticed that the mothers were gone and they had taken their children with them. Beth was swinging on the middle swing, leaning back with her feet in the air. Her hair floated out behind her and trailed in little golden gleams from her face.
"You fuckin' faggots are just disgusting. Doin' that shit in front of the little kids."
I felt my hair prickle on the back of my neck. This experience was allowing me to realize that the bodily functions in stories are indeed possible, something I hadn't known before.
"Joey..." I felt Robin tighten his grip on my arm as I continued to turn around to look at our agitators.
I had heard two voices, and there were two boys behind me. I recognized their dull faces and large builds. They were two years ahead of me in school and were known for their file on "bulling" other students. I believe they also played football.
The cold jolt that went down my back chilled me into jumping to my feet and looking much braver than I felt.
"Oh," the one with a shirt that had "Mr. Zero" printed on it spoke. "I think he's trying to be some kind of hero for his boyfriend, Sammy."
I suddenly realized my own body was betraying me. My natural instinct to protect myself, Robin, and especially Beth made my body take on an image of cockiness. They thought I wasn't afraid of them and I was worried that would tempt them to start in on us more.
I raised my hands, exposing my palms. "Okay, okay." I felt like I was going to stutter, but I managed to keep my voice even. Robin had stood and began to retreat to where Beth was swinging, unaware of our plight. This may sound like he was running away to you, but I could tell by the way he was looking over his shoulder to Beth, he was more concerned with getting her the heck out of there if this turned into something physical. The two of them were focused on me now, hardly even paying attention to Robin, let alone Beth.
"Okay," I tried to come up with something to say. The problem was I could feel the thing I saw in the mirror escaping, the thing that I had vented productively this morning to my mother. That fiery hate I had seen was trying to come out now, to defend, but this was not a good time for me to be brave. This was not a good time at all
Sammy began to banter again. "Okay, what? You gay boy - "
" - Shut up!" I was going to get myself killed. I saw Robin the corner of my eye stop and stare, then turned and sprinted to Beth.
Mr. Zero and Sammy stood where they were blinking in surprise. This queer-boy dared to tell them to shut up? Zero's mouth popped open and hung limp. I restrained myself from laughing at the thought of a huge bee flying in his mouth. Instead my death sentence came out of my mouth.
"Is that an offer, big boy?" I heard myself ask it before I could shut my smart mouth. 'Oh shit' I thought. 'I'm dead.'
In an instant, Zero had his hands around my neck, squeezing. My eyes widened and it took me a while to realize I could still breathe. For all his strength, and he had a good deal, he didn't know how to properly choke someone.
This made me mad, really mad, rather than frightened. I peeled my lips back from my teeth and felt my face heat up. I could feel my instinct kicking in and I couldn't help myself. In a way, I still wonder if I would have stopped if I could have.
I felt myself being lifted up by my neck. Later I would have bruises, but I didn't feel any pain at that time. My feet were off the ground and my lips pulled back more. My leg muscles were taunt and ready, like they always were before a swim match. I saw Zero's face break as he realized I intended to fight and would not give up unless I was unable to move. His face change sealed it.
I threw my foot back and brought it forward to Zero's crotch. My foot hit directly and followed through to bring him down in a blow. He let go of my neck and dropped to his knees. I spun away and saw the one Zero called Sammy reaching for me. I ducked out of the way and sprinted to my boyfriend and sister who were halfway out of the exit. Sammy was large and too slow to catch us. As he chased us, he fell farther and farther behind. We ran for my house and reached it without any sign of Sammy. As we fell through the door, I locked it and leaned my back against it, as if I could have been any match for an older hulk of a high-school bully if he broke through the lock. Ha-ha. Fun-NE!
I looked at Beth and she was crying silently. I slid down the door onto my knees and took her in my arms leaning my head on her shoulder. "Are you okay?" I whispered.
She sniffed and nodded. "I'm fine. I just...I just d - don't understand why..."
"Shhh," I cut her off. I looked to Robin for an answer, and he had one.
He bent and hugged her from behind, like we were making a Beth sandwich. "People like that don't understand your bro and me being...boyfriends. It's not something they are used to."
"But it's dumb!" she bawled into my shirt. "You didn't do anything to them..."
I saw Robin look into my eyes and I knew his wore the same question as mine. 'What do you say?'
"It's just the way - " I stopped myself. I did not want her learning that. I didn't want to tell her that's the way the world is. I wanted her to be better than that. So I corrected myself. "It's not right. I don't know why, but I know it's not right."
Robin's eyes became moist and he bit his lip to hold back the tears. Suddenly I realized what I was in for with this new lifestyle. Being myself was going to be liberating, sure, but at what price? I had only thought before of Robin's and my embarrassment. I never thought about how this would affect people around me. Mom, Dad, Beth, Robin's parents, and Jack. And Amy. Amy who I had trusted for so long, and who never thought twice about being my friend even when she learned I was gay. What would this do to her? Maybe it wouldn't touch her, but it could just the same.
Beth detangled herself from the double hug and walked weakly up to her room. She shut the door behind her. I could almost feel her open a book. That was her escape, not a bad one either. Maybe that is one reason she was able to think more maturely than others about my situation. Maybe she was just an angel in my life. Who knows? I knew though, at that point, my sister and I were going to grow up close and would remain very close after we both had lives and families of our own. I would always be different; she would always accept me as that and be a support for the hard times.
I turned to Robin and he threw his arms around me and kissed me so hard I would notice my swollen lip later. At the time it was a welcomed embrace.
He pulled away and I felt his tears rub against my cheek. "I'm so sorry, Joey. I love you and I never..."
"I know," I stroked his hair. "I know." His eyes were glistening and I felt my own betray me as they began to pour. Soundless sobs escaped us both as I led him to my bedroom where we collapsed on the bed in each other's arms. We lay there like that for a long time, silently comforting each other with kisses and caresses. Eventually, we both fell asleep, and I thought in my dreams I heard my mother peep through the door. Warmth covered me and I smelled my throw blanket around my neck. The door creaked a moment later.
You are being quiet. I'm not really used to you without your smart - ass remarks. You're making me nervous, so say something...anything...
...Please?
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