Out of the Closet
by Victor Thomas
Chapter 19
Kenny
My phone rang. It was Hannah, the last person I wanted to talk to right now. Especially since I had chickened out the very moment she wanted to have sex with me. Still, going to bed with a girl I didn't love would have been wrong. I couldn't do it to her. And, especially, I couldn't do it to myself.
She must have realized why I left. I moaned, hiding my face in the pillow. A rollercoaster of feelings was racing inside my head, and my eyes became moist.
I took a deep breath and did my best to calm down. I tried to envision Hannah; her wavy hair, her smile, the reddish-pink lipstick she wore every day, and how we kissed the other day at school. But all I saw was Javier, drawing my eyes like a magnet.
What should I do, I wondered. Tears began falling down my cheeks.
My phone beeped.
'If you don't call me back right now, we're officially over,' I read on the screen.
I sat the phone back on the nightstand when mom opened the bedroom door.
"Oh dear. What's wrong?" she asked.
She scanned my room which I hadn't cleaned for a while.
I wiped my eyes to buy some time before I answered, "Hannah and I had an argument about… something," I said in a low voice.
"What? What is it? Should I call her parents?" she asked.
She was about to leave to get her phone.
"Mom, no!" I shouted. "It's between her and me."
"She cheated on you, didn't she? That's why she behaved so strangely yesterday. She's seeing another boy."
She doesn't have another boy, I thought, shaking my head. I tossed aside the pillow I had been holding in my hands. My eyes were getting moist again, not because of Hannah, but because I couldn't tell my secret to my mother. She wouldn't understand, so it was better to keep my mouth shut.
"Oh, baby, I'm sure you'll get it sorted out," she said.
"I'll be fine," I said, forcing a small smile. "I just need some time alone, okay."
Surprisingly, she took the hint and left my room. As soon as she closed the door, I buried my face deep in the pillow and cried. Ghastly scenarios of my friends finding out my secret filled my mind, but that wasn't even the worst. I was sure my mother would kick me out if she found out.
I don't want to be gay. My whole body was jerking, and an uncomfortable stream of tears wet the pillow. Sometimes, life was so unfair.
A few minutes later, I sneaked to the bathroom to blow my nose. I ripped a few pieces of toilet paper off the roll and looked in the mirror. The boy who stared at me was far from handsome. My eyes were red, and the skin underneath was dark from barely sleeping last night. Not able to look at myself any longer, I sat on the toilet seat. Life really was unfair.
I washed my face with cold water. Only now did I really realize that Hannah and me had just broken up. It brought a small smile to my face. No more awkward dates at the mall or in the movie theater. No false confession of love or kisses that meant nothing. And no more sex, or whatever yesterday's embarrassment should be called.
Shit! What if she tells everyone? My face turned pale as every potential situation played out in my head. What would Chris say if he heard I couldn't perform? He had even seen me with Javier at the mall.
"Kenny, would you clean the kitchen?" mom shouted from the hallway. "I need to run some errands."
"Sure," I said with such a low voice she must not have heard it.
When the door closed behind her, I rushed back to my bedroom. I had to call Hannah or at least text her. I would apologize a million times, even more if necessary, so she wouldn't tell anyone. She must be angry, but maybe I could convince her. The answer was waiting for me when I looked at my phone and read the message she had just sent.
'Have a nice rest of your life!'
I began typing a reply but deleted it. Whatever I answered would only make it worse. I owed her an apology, but now wasn't the right time. Probably after a decade or two, she would be calm enough for a decent conversation. The only thing I knew was that I had to face her at school on Monday. That was far too soon, less than twenty hours away.
I left my room, dragging my feet on the carpet. The house was silent, and normally, I would have liked it. Now, though, it felt creepy, like the calm before the storm that was sure to await me at school. Taking my time, I fixed myself a bowl of cereal and set it on the table. Spoon in hand, I just stared at the bowl, unable to eat. Finally, I put the spoon down on the table.
I couldn't focus on anything. My brain was racing a mile a minute, over analyzing the situation like a maniac.
I need to get out, I thought. I rushed to the front yard.
The sun was blazing down, and heat waves radiated off the sidewalk. My jeans and black shirt were wrong for such a warm day, but I hardly paid it any attention. Not knowing where to go, I walked quickly along the sidewalk with one wish in my mind; to forget everything.
In less than five minutes, huge beads of sweat were sliding down my back. I jogged across the road to the shady side, and more sweat poured down. I sped up and saw the Hornet's Nest in the distance. Hannah and me used to go there all the time. Not wanting to think of my ex-girlfriend, I turned my head away.
Suddenly, I was smashed square in the side and hit the ground hard. The breath almost knocked out of me; I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision.
"Javier?" I said.
"Oh you," he said, offering his hand. "Are you okay?"
He was shirtless, and I couldn't take my eyes off his chest, which was dripping with sweat. His beautiful brown skin moved slightly as he breathed. Slowly, I raised my gaze and saw the grin on his face.
Shit, I'm staring at him, I realized. I quickly began brushing the dirt off my jeans and checking my hands for scrapes.
"Do you live near here?" he asked.
The way he looked at me reminded me of the other day at school, and I turned my face down. The source of all my problems was standing in the flesh right in front of me. No matter how hard I tried to avoid looking at him, the image of his naked chest wouldn't leave my memory.
"Yeah, my house is just down the street," I said, pointing with my hand.
"Great. I could use some water," he said. He put his hand on my back and pushed me in the direction of my house. "Let's go."
We began walking side by side, and the infamous awkward silence filled the space between us. I stole glimpses of his body whenever I thought he wouldn't notice. I racked my brain for something to say but turned up with nothing.
"Math sucks," he said suddenly.
I turned to look at him, now with a legitimate reason, and raised my eyebrows.
"I hate that trigono-shit," he said.
"Trigonometry," I corrected. "It's not that hard."
"Says the genius. The teacher even suggested I find someone to tutor me."
Is he asking me, I thought. Given the circumstances and what had happened with Hannah, spending time with him wouldn't be my best option. And then there was the situation between him and Chris. I decided to say nothing, and we kept walking toward my house.
"I hope you don't blame me for Chris being kicked off the team," he said, like he had read my mind.
"He lost his chance for a scholarship," I said with a sad tone in my voice. "But, it's not your fault," I added quickly.
He smiled but said nothing.
We arrived at the house, and I held the door open for him. As he walked by, I smelled the scent of masculinity. It might have been just sweat, but it made my heart beat faster. I followed him to the hallway, walking as close as possible and feeling the heat radiating from his body. My fingers were aching with the desire to touch his skin, but my rational mind chickened out when he stopped to look around. He held his tank top in his hand, and I was hoping that he was in no rush to put it back on.
"You want some ice in your water?" I asked, heading to the kitchen.
He watched as I searched for ice cubes in the freezer.
"I didn't know you lived in a museum," he said.
"Huh? Um, mom likes antique furniture," I said, filling the glass with water.
"Thanks," he said, emptying the glass in one gulp.
His arm touched me when he sat the glass on the counter.
I backed up a step and leaned against the counter. He moved closer to me, his upper body still naked, and he studied my face carefully. I turned into a bundle of nerves. I blushed and focused my gaze from his abs to my own feet. Then he brought up the elephant in the room.
"I'm sorry I asked if you were gay," he said.
He picked an ice cube from the glass and held it between his teeth.
"Um, it's nothing," I said.
He took hold of my chin and turned his head so that I was staring directly at his big brown eyes. He moved even closer so our chests almost touched. His eyes were sincere, but the grin on his face told me that something was about to happen.
"But I need to tell you something," he said, crunching the ice cube in his mouth. "Your answer didn't convince me."
He grabbed my face, staring all the way into my soul, and pressed his lips against mine.
The world stopped, and my mind went blank. It was exactly like when we saw each other in the hallway at school, except this time, he touched me. The warmth of his skin, his soft lips, and his strong hands pulled me into a feeling I had never experienced before. And I would be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy it. Gently, my hands touched his shoulders.
"Kenny, come and help me," rang a voice from the front door, only a few steps away.
At the sound of her voice, I jerked away from Javier and flung the dishwasher open, pretending like I was loading it.
"I've got several things…"
She walked into the kitchen and saw Javier standing there, with his tank top still in his hand. She gave a meaningful look at me, but I didn't know what to say.
"Who are you? And what's going on in here?" she asked.
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