Out of the Closet
by Victor Thomas
Chapter 13
Kenny
I sat at the table, finishing dinner with my mother. It was just the two of us; my parents had divorced when I was only three years old. After mom found out that dad had cheated on her, my father had never set foot in the house again.
"Oh dear, change your shirt before you meet Hannah," she said.
I looked down and saw spaghetti sauce stains where she was staring. Luckily, my pants seemed clean. The shirt I would have changed anyway. I wanted a nicer one for such an important evening.
"Should I call Hannah's parents and let them know you're coming?" she asked. "I haven't talked with them in ages."
"Mom! I'm seventeen," I protested.
She had embarrassed me enough by reporting to Hannah's mom our every move during the first six months of our relationship.
She gave me a meaningful glance.
"What are you planning to do?"
"Um, we will probably stay at her house and watch TV."
"You'll let me know if you go somewhere else, won't you?"
She was getting on my nerves, which was happening more and more lately, but I nodded obediently. It was almost five thirty, and I should leave soon. There wasn't time for arguing with my mother. Besides, I had a bigger problem; the moment to make the unavoidable decision was getting nearer and nearer.
"Thanks. It was good," I said.
I stood up to leave for my room to change my shirt.
"Not so fast, young man," she said, stopping me. "Before you go, you'll help me wash the dishes."
I sighed and checked the time.
"Can't we do that when I come back?"
I had lost count of how many looks I had already received from her since coming home from school. She began filling the sink with hot water, so I had few options other than cleaning the table. Soon, we were standing in front of the sink, her washing the plates and me rinsing them under the running water.
What should I do, I asked myself for the millionth time when she passed me the last plate. I can't be gay or I'll lose all my friends. Probably not really, not that I have a lot of friends, but I could lose my best friend Chris. Him and I had been friends since first grade.
There was no question, that some of the other kids at school would think like Chris. Not all of them, but a few. It was sad, but my best friend was one of those bigoted people that Chouteau, and probably the whole country was full of. Chouteau High School was very accepting of gay students, but a lot of the older people who lived here were still prejudiced rednecks. Not all, but a good portion. My brain, which actually tried to ignore that Hannah wanted to have sex with me, said I should meet her. My heart wasn't so sure. At least there was a fair amount of curiosity in the air to meet Javier at the mall.
It was ten minutes till six when we finally had everything washed. I was still hesitating between my options. It was bad karma or some other evil attack of the universe that I had agreed to meet both of them on the same day.
I rushed to my room and opened my closet. I took the first t-shirt on the pile and tossed the old one on the floor. The easy part was now done, and it was time to tackle the difficult one.
My phone was on the nightstand. Slowly, I approached it and picked it up. I should have called, but I was too big of a coward. Instead, I sent a text using the surprise visit of a nonexistent aunt as an excuse. If she replied I didn't want to read it.
Feeling my stomach turning upside down, I walked into the hallway and prepared to leave. Of course, my mother was there to provide me with last minute instructions.
"Give my regards to Hannah's parents," she said.
"I will," I muttered, checking myself out in the mirror.
"And be home by ten."
I took the car keys from my pocket and closed the front door behind me. I looked around to make sure nobody could see me, and then I walked the short distance to my car. My heart was beating faster, and my hands felt sweaty on the steering wheel.
I can't believe I'm doing this, I thought, starting the engine before I had time for second guessing.
In a few minutes, the neighborhood where Hannah lived was on the left. Chills ran up my back when I passed it and continued toward Joplin.
Technically speaking, I wasn't cheating on my girlfriend, but it felt like I was. Again, I had to remind myself that Javier and me hardly knew each other.
I almost crashed my car when I was parking it at the mall. I was looking in the other direction while searching for an empty parking spot, when a black SUV came from the right. Luckily, the driver was awake and hit the brakes at the very last second. I tried to show her my most apologetic expression and continued driving toward the end of the row where there was more parking.
I got the car parked and checked my phone again. I hope Javier hasn't left already; I thought. I jogged to the main entrance, passing other people. Why was the mall always so crowded when I was in a hurry?
Gasping, I headed toward the food court. The smoothie bar was a few hundred feet from me, around the corner. The realization that Javier would be there got my heart beating faster, despite my efforts to relax.
The mall was full of families carrying shopping bags and heading to the food court. It wasn't difficult to guess who were on their way to enjoy some greasy cheeseburgers and who would choose a healthier option. I followed the families and the smell of fried food, and soon I was in front of the smoothie bar.
"How can I help you?" a red-haired girl at the entrance asked me.
She was dressed in a green apron and a headscarf that matched.
"Um, I came to see my friend," I said, trying to peep behind her in the crowded shop.
"Sure, no problem," she said, flashing her best customer service smile. She handed me the menu and added, "we are quite crowded today, but there are more tables on the right, behind the counter. I hope you find her."
Him. I nodded and stepped in. I looked around, trying not to stare at the other customers longer than I needed to find where Javier was sitting. I couldn't find him in the bigger part of the shop, and continued toward the smaller area behind the counter. I felt like all the other customers were glancing at me.
When I couldn't find him anywhere, I returned to the counter and decided to wait for him there. It was only a few minutes past seven, so it wasn't likely he had left already.
Maybe he's just late, I thought hopefully, noticing the bartender trying to establish eye contact with me.
"Are you ready to order?" he asked.
"Huh? Um, I would like…"
I hesitated and looked at the menu. I had never been here. Actually, the first time I had visited the food court was after I started going with Hannah. My mother never wanted me to eat such artificial unhealthy food.
The bartender waited patiently until I had browsed through the menu.
"May I recommend something?" he said finally when I was unable to decide.
"Um, thanks," I said, laying the menu on the counter.
I looked around but still couldn't see Javier anywhere.
"Waiting for your date?" the bartender asked, and I blushed. "I'll make you two," he said grinning, adding more juice and ice to the blender.
Two older women were leaving and I rushed to the table with the drinks. I sat down so I could see the door and tapped the table nervously. Every time someone walked in, I raised my gaze, only to see it wasn't him.
What if he doesn't come, I thought. I took my phone from my pocket. It was already seven fifteen. Even Hannah wasn't that late. It seemed evident that he had stood me up. I took a sip of my drink and regretted that I had believed that he would like to hang out with me.
"Can I take this chair?" an elderly man asked, pointing to the seat on the other side of the table from me.
There was a bigger group of people occupying the adjacent table, and they needed more chairs.
"Um, sure. I don't need…" I began, but stopped when I noticed Javier running toward me with big drops of sweat rolling down his temples.
"Hi, sorry I'm late," he panted.
He sat down, ignoring the man who had almost taken the chair.
The bartender called out orders, and a group of teenagers rushed to the counter, laughing. Aromas of freshly brewed coffee wafted from the nearby table. Apparently, the smoothies were too exotic for the older couple sitting there, staring at their mugs. More people with large shopping bags stopped in and studied the chalkboard with specials written on it. I ignored all that; I just looked at the boy in a pink shirt who had just sat at my table.
"Hi," I finally said, smiling shyly.
He tasted his drink.
"How did you know I like pineapple?"
"You seem like one who would," I said.
I was gradually getting back my ability to talk.
"Oh, you can see that, huh? What else do you see?"
Beautiful brown eyes, a cute face, muscular chest, and that sexy grin. I had plenty to choose from, but I picked the safe one.
"Sweat on your shirt."
"I ran from the parking lot," he said.
He explained how his brother Jorge had taken his car and, after enough time had passed, his dad had loaned him his car.
I found it funny that he used his hands so much when talking about his family. The more he talked about Jorge, the more his face tightened and his eyes narrowed. Two old ladies sitting on our right gave us disapproving looks, and I wished he would swear less, or at least lower his voice.
Once he had finished the story, we sat in silence for a while, both sipping our smoothies.
"So, tell my something about you," he said.
He sat his drink on the small table between us.
"Um, I'm…" I stammered.
Words stuck in my throat, and his intensive gaze didn't help at all. Suddenly, I couldn't think of a single interesting detail about my life to share with my new friend.
"Oh, come on. You can't be that boring."
"I'm not boring."
He smiled at me.
"Then tell me something interesting," he said.
I got lost in his beautiful brown eyes. I thought for a moment and began telling him how I loved playing action games with the Xbox mom had gotten me for Christmas. Quite intentionally, I forgot to mention that it was Chris I used to play with. He surprised me by revealing that he had never played any video games.
"You should come over one day," I said enthusiastically.
"It's a deal."
We kept talking for another half hour about everything and nothing. The longer we talked, the more relaxed I became. He seemed like an easy-going guy, and what was best, his company made me forget Hannah. The time we sat and drank our smoothie; I lived in a magical bubble where she didn't exist. And then, our glasses were empty.
"How much was it?" he asked, pointing to the glass and pulling his wallet out.
"Um, I've got it this time," I said quickly.
"This time?" he said, grinning. "Will there be more times?"
The bartender started up the blender, and I turned to look at him, but it didn't hide my blushing.
I pushed my hands in my pockets and cleared my throat before saying in a low voice, "I don't mind if you want to hang out with me again."
"That would be cool," he said.
The grin hadn't vanished from his face.
For a moment, heat radiated through my chest, and I pressed my lips tight to keep from smiling. Then the look in his eyes became more intent, like he was drilling inside my head.
"There's just one thing I want to know," he said, before blurting out, "are you gay?
The old ladies turned their heads, and my chest tightened. Time slowed down, but no words came out of my mouth.
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