My Boyfriend
by Victor Thomas
Chapter 8
My little play had the desired effect. Guys were punching me in the shoulder in the hallways at school. I heard, 'way to go, stud' more times than I could count. It was all typical teenage boy stuff and highly exaggerated. It did feel good to be getting that kind of attention from my classmates. I had gotten the same attention when I had dated Allison, but this time it felt different. Maybe it was because Todd suspected that I was gay and I was able to draw his attention to something else. I don't know, but it just felt weird to be secretly dating Brian, and pretending to date Laura. However I felt about the situation, it was the perfect cover for me. No one could accuse me of being gay, not when I was dating one of the most beautiful girls in school. Not that I didn't feel guilty for lying to her, but what else could I do.
Ashton really pissed me off just before football practice. I had no problem with the enthusiasm of the other boys over my 'girl,' but I didn't appreciate crude remarks. The guys were oohing and ahhing over Laura when he had to go too far.
"Hey, Scott, does Laura give good head?" he yelled across the locker room.
I reacted with genuine anger to that. She may not have really been my girlfriend, but she was a friend, and I felt responsible for her reputation. Everyone knew some girls at our school, including Allison and Andrea, gave blow jobs. Hell, that made those particular girls really popular. Laura wasn't like that, however, and it just didn't seem right for Ashton to say that about her.
"Laura's not a slut like the girls you date, asshole!"
I snapped before I even knew what I as saying. The whole locker room grew deathly still. Our words could've been the preamble to a major fight, but Ashton and I were pretty good friends. He knew he had gone just a little far, and I was definitely pissed. Maybe I was overreacting, but once I got mad about something, I didn't have much self-control. I wasn't someone to mess with if my anger was aroused.
"Hey, dude, I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean anything. I was just, you know…"
I could tell by the tone of his voice that his apology was sincere. My anger was immediately quelled. I held his gaze for a moment, just to make sure he knew he'd came really close to getting his ass kicked, then I let him up easy.
"It's okay, Ashton," I said. "I'm sorry I blew up like that. It's just that Laura's a really nice girl, and I don't want anyone saying shit like that about her."
He looked relieved.
"Hey, I totally understand. Let's just forget about it. Laura's pretty hot, and you're lucky to have her. I asked her out once, and she shot me down!"
"Like all the girls!" shouted one of our teammates.
That started a towel fight and the room was filled with half naked young jocks snapping each other with towels. What a beautiful sight!
Inwardly, I breathed a sigh of relief. That little scene between me and Ashton served my purpose well, even if it was far from planned. Now all the guys knew I really cared about Laura. It wasn't an act either. She wasn't my girl, but I considered her my friend. To me, friendship really meant something. I did care for her, just not the way my friends thought. If I hadn't cared for her, maybe I could've shaken the cloud of guilt that was always hovering just overhead.
It didn't bother me too much to lie about having a girlfriend to my teammates and classmates. Most of the stuff guys said about what they did with girls was bullshit anyway. I'd be willing to bet that there were far more virgins in my gym class and on my football team than any of the guys would ever admit. I bet not one of them got as much action as they claimed. You'd think from the way they talked that most of them did nothing but have sex. Most of them probably did have a lot of sex, but I'm sure it involved only their own hand. I don't even like girls, but I've probably fucked more than most of them. How ironic!
It didn't cause me too much grief to lie to the guys, but what about Laura. I considered her my friend, and I was taking advantage of her. No matter how nice I was about it, nothing could alter that fact. I didn't feel very good about lying to her. I hadn't exactly promised to date her until we got married, but still, I knew she was expecting more than I could give. I had a sense of guilt in my gut that just wouldn't go away, no matter how hard I tried to rationalize the situation. No matter how much fun she had, no matter what I did for her, it didn't alter the fact that I was leading her on. I made her think she had a boyfriend when she really didn't. I just couldn't get what I was doing out of my mind.
She was really happy. She lit up whenever she saw me in the hallways at school. She smiled at me sweetly and squeezed me tight when I hugged her. I caught a few looks from other girls, and it was obvious. They envied her. They wanted what she had. That made me feel pretty good about myself. But would they envy her if they knew the truth? I didn't think so. Even her happiness made me feel guilty. I knew she was happy about something that just wasn't real. I knew she was living in a fantasy that I'd created. If the fantasy held, it'd be just as good as reality for her, but what if it didn't hold? How long could I make it real for her? Eventually, our relationship had to end. When the time came, could I do it in such a way to preserve the fantasy? Could I make our entire relationship a pleasant memory of things that just didn't work out in the end? How was I going to bring that off? The last thing I wanted was for things with her to end the way they had with Allison. I hadn't meant to hurt her at the time, even though I knew I had. I hoped things would go easier with Laura. How did I keep getting myself into these messes? What ever happened, there was no backing out. I had to go on and hope for the best.
The whole week after the dance it seemed like I was the talk of the school. Not really, of course, but it sometimes seemed that way. You'd think there'd be more interesting things to talk about, but who was going with who was always the big topic. Me hooking up with another girl was the very latest news and the gossip was flying. Lucky for me, it even overshadowed the breakup between Allison and me, and the incident with Andrea at the hayride. I knew that the guys envied me for that. The attention was kind of a pain, and yet I enjoyed it as well. I guess it was my fifteen minutes of fame. In a week or so, some new couple would step into the spotlight, either by hooking up, or breaking up, but for the moment, we were it.
My objective was certainly accomplished. I had drawn a cloak of secrecy around myself that prevented anyone from guessing what I really was. The focus was now on me and her, rather than on me. All doubts about me were erased. My 'girlfriend' was a perfect illusion, gays didn't have girlfriends, everyone knew that. I could spend as much time with Brian as I wanted, and Todd or anyone else would never give it a second thought. That was a terrible asset, but it was bought at a terrible cost.
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