My Boyfriend
by Victor Thomas
Chapter 6
I went to Mark's farm after cleaning up, for a cookout and hay ride. It was the middle of October and Halloween was coming up soon. It had turned a little cool after the sun went down, but was still a pleasant evening. I picked up Todd on the way and we drove out together. He kept acting like he wanted to ask me something, but kept hesitating. Instead, we just talked about today's fun, and what we were going to do tonight, which should also be fun.
Finally, I looked over at him and said, "I think me and you need to get together and talk. I have something important I need to tell you."
"Go ahead and tell me now," he said.
"We don't have time right now," I said. "I need to think about how I'm going to tell you what I need to tell you. It's not going to be easy."
"How about tomorrow then?" he asked.
"Tomorrow should be good," I said. "I'll call you, and then come over to your house."
The Summers farm is only about three miles southwest of town, so we arrived less than ten minutes later. There were already several guys there, all gathered around the bonfire, and more arrived shortly after us. There were just as many girls as there were boys, mostly girlfriends of the players.
I found Brian and we started talking and laughing. I so wanted to hug him, but that was way too risky. We couldn't afford to be caught like we had been by that girl at the amusement park. We couldn't hold hands or even really touch each other, but we were together every minute. Todd looked over at us suspiciously, but again said nothing. I think he had more or less come to expect us to be together. The rest of the team noticed as well, but they had no idea how close we really were… at least I hoped no one suspected. The fear of such suspicion had been playing on my mind more with each passing day. I had recently broken up with Allison and didn't have another girlfriend and wasn't looking for one. I don't think most of the guys probably noticed, but I knew that Todd suspected something. Brian and I had been tight in the last couple of weeks, and I wasn't spending as much time with Todd as I used to. How much longer could I avoid suspicion? I lived in fear of being found out, which is why I had finally decided I needed to let Todd know what was going on. If I couldn't trust my best friend, then who could I trust? I tried not to think about it, or let it ruin my fun tonight. But the fear was always there, lurking on the edge of my mind.
Allison and several other girls were gathered around the large bonfire. As soon as Brian and I stepped into the glow of the flames, they were all over us. They flirted with us continuously. Allison was still pissed off at me after our recent breakup, so she seemed very interested in Brian, at least for the moment.
She wasn't a problem for me at the bonfire. She was practically drooling over him, but who could blame her. He was cute, athletic, sexy, and just plain hot. She wasn't alone in her admiration for him, either. He was surrounded by girls hanging on his every word, a whole flock of them, giggling at anything we said and gazing at us both with desire. Every so often, he gazed hopelessly at me and smiled wanly. In a way, it was pretty funny that the girls were so hot for us. I mean, talk about wasting their time! I almost felt bad for them, but hey, there were plenty of guys around that would be more than interested. Our followers would move on to some other hot hunks sooner or later. Most girls figured out I wasn't interested after a while, and went in search of easier prey, but Andrea never seemed to entirely give up. She'd leave for a while, but she was always back to try yet again.
She had been after my ass since grade school, but she had a tendency to switch off onto other guys for a while, which always gave me a sense of relief. She never failed to work her way back to me, however. I'd given her the 'our friendships too valuable to risk by dating' line on more than one occasion. That generally kept her at bay for at least a few weeks. She always came back, however, and it was getting harder and harder to put her off.
To be honest, I kind of liked the attention. It made me feel pretty good about myself that girls were hanging all over me, even if I wasn't interested in them. Just about any guy likes to be admired and have girls compliment him and stuff. I didn't even mind when they were touching me either; in fact, it kind of made me feel hot! If that's as far as it went, having an admiring harem would have been cool, but sooner or later I was expected to choose one. That wasn't going to happen; I just wasn't interested in girls. I had tried dating Allison, and had even fucked her once, but I just hadn't been able to keep up the whole charade. Not that I hadn't enjoyed it, but boys are just so much more interesting.
What would everyone think about that? I couldn't have cared less if someone didn't like my hair, my clothes, my music, or whatever. But the possibility of others catching on to the fact that I was gay was quite another matter. Todd already suspects something, and I'm sure he's probably shared his suspicions with Mark. I just hope that's all he's told about what he thinks.
I had to protect myself and Brian. No guy in his right mind would turn down Andrea or any of her friends. Those babes were the finest girls in school, and they were hot after him, and had been trailing me for a long time as well. It was only a matter of time before some of the guys wondered what was up. It just wasn't natural for a teenage boy to turn down an opportunity like that. Andrea in particular had a reputation. I don't mean she was a slut or anything, but if she really liked a guy, she'd have sex with him. How many teenage boys do you know who would turn that down?
Thanks to Allison, my teammates already knew that I liked girls, and had even fucked her, unlike most of them who were probably still virgins, but still, if I didn't take advantage of this situation, they might start to wonder, like I'm sure Todd and Mark may. Hanging out with Brian only intensified the doubt in their minds, and the danger.
Brian and I piled onto a hay wagon with our following of girls, and a few guys from the team. There were a lot of couples, but also just a lot of kids hanging out. I sat right next to Brian. Allison was on his right side, and Andrea cuddled up close to me on my left. I wasn't happy at all about having her next to me; she was getting almost as bad as Allison. I felt like a cornered beast.
Both girls were getting a little aggressive. Allison was touching Brian all the time, and Andrea grasped my arm and wouldn't let go. She even started feeling my biceps and asked if I worked out. Jesus! Any other guy would've been thrilled, but I found it awkward. She actually started feeling my chest through my shirt. I was about to push her hand away when I saw Todd looking at me curiously. What guy would push away a hot blond babe when she was after his bod?
Instead of pushing her away, I let her hands wander. I started flirting with her, putting on a little show for him and whoever else might be watching. I rolled up my sleeve and flexed while she ran her hand over my hard biceps. I leaned over and nuzzled against her for a moment. It was a mistake. I knew immediately that I'd fucked up by encouraging her. Before I knew what was happening, she grabbed me by the back of the head, pressed her lips hard against mine, and slipped her tongue into my mouth. I broke off the kiss as quickly as I could without looking like I was trying to shove her away.
I started to panic; the situation was definitely getting out of hand. I was in a real spot, but what could I do about it? I still couldn't push her away, but I also couldn't let her think she was a potential girlfriend. Otherwise, the next thing I knew she'd be wanting to go steady. I had to put a stop to what was going on. Todd was still eying us, although he looked away every time I glanced in his direction, and a couple of other guys were checking out the action as well. No, I couldn't just push her away. But what could I do? I got an idea.
I guided her hand back onto my chest, pulled up my shirt a little, then guided her fingertips down over my tight abs. She seemed to like that. I noticed that Todd and a few of my other teammates were watching harder than ever, while pretending even more that they weren't. I pushed her hand lower and lower as I gazed into her eyes. I guided it over my belt buckle and right onto the bulge in my jeans. I was rock hard, even though it didn't have anything to do with her, but she didn't know that. Pressing her hand against the lump in my groin had the desired effect almost immediately.
"Scott!" she gasped, pulling her hand away as if it touched a hot stove. "What are you doing?"
I looked at her, embarrassed. I wasn't acting; I really was embarrassed. The snickers from the guys around us didn't help. I couldn't believe I'd really put her hand on my bulge. It just wasn't me, but at least my play worked. After a momentary flair of temper, she cooled down. I was disappointed that she didn't leave me, but at least she wasn't quite as free with her hands. She contented herself with just sitting pressed up against me. I was pretty sure I could've had her if I'd played my cards right, if that's what I'd wanted. I'd gambled that she'd pull back if I pushed her too fast. I don't know what I'd have done if I'd been wrong!
Todd and the other guys who had been watching were snickering. They thought it was funny as hell. I could tell even Brian was struggling not to laugh. After a few moments, the guys couldn't control themselves and lost it. They tried to disguise their laughter by pretending they were laughing about something else, and Andrea seemed to buy it, but a knowing grin from Todd told the real story. I didn't mind that I'd made myself look foolish. At least I'd scored a few points with the guys, putting on a little act that made them think I wanted a girl in my pants. Every little bit helped. They were laughing at me, but at the same time, I know what I did impressed the hell out of them.
It was getting a little chilly, so all four of us burrowed deeper into the hay. We were more hidden than exposed and it was kind of cozy in there. Brian's warm body pressed up next to mine filled me with warmth and contentment. My hand sought out his under the hay and soon our fingers were intertwined. He gave me a little squeeze and we sat there holding hands while the girls flirted with us.
Andrea had backed off quite a bit and I thought I was safe, but then I felt a wave of panic as her hand crept back to the very location she had so protested about earlier. Her hand was on my inner thigh, drawing even closer to my manhood. Shit! My plan hadn't worked at all! Her reaction before was just an act for those around us. Was everyone just playing a part? Under the cover of the hay, her hands were beginning to wander, and I didn't like where they were going.
Her actions weren't quite as hidden as she thought. Some of my teammates knew what she was up to, probably because they'd dated her before me. I noticed some of them looking on with approval; Todd actually gave me a thumbs up and a wink when she wasn't looking.
Ryan wiggled his eyebrows in an obvious 'way to go stud' expression. I sighed; there was nothing to do but play it up. Brian was actually kissing Allison beside me. He sure as hell looked like he wanted to get into her pants. What the hell; I put my arm around Andrea and pulled her close. For all the guys knew, Brian and I were both as interested in scoring with girls as they were. The only problem was, it looked like we were about to succeed!
Andrea was all over me. My little stunt before had the opposite of the desired effect. I thought I'd been so smart, but instead I'd put myself in a real spot. She didn't want to be a slut in public, but I was quickly getting the feeling she really was one in private. She would've been another guy's dream come true. The rumors around school were that she was pretty damned easy, but I hadn't believed it until she was all over me!
She ran her soft hand up under my shirt and felt my bare chest, massaging my pecs. As the hay wagon rolled on, she inched her hand lower and lower, finally sliding it right over my abs and back down onto the bulge below. We were back at square one. I didn't want to push her away, but I didn't want to encourage her either. I had tried that before and it backfired on me. What was happening between us wasn't going anywhere, but I had to at least act interested. What guy would discourage a girl when she was feeling him, there? One wrong move, and I was sure the other guys would have me figured out in a flash.
I glanced to my right. Brian was having similar problems with Allison; she couldn't keep her hands to herself either. I didn't blame her. I had trouble controlling myself around him, too. Hell, he was the reason I was excited, although I'm sure Andrea thought it was she that was causing the sudden expansion in my jeans. I surreptitiously squeezed his hand under the hay again, and he squeezed back. There was no doubt that Allison was trying to get into his pants, the same way Andrea was attempting to get into mine.
The country trail grew darker as we made our way down a long line of trees. Andrea noiselessly unfastened my belt and unzipped my jeans. My heart was pounding so hard, I was sure anybody within three feet could hear it. Things were going way, way too far, too fast. Suddenly, she slipped her hand into my boxers. After the initial shock, what she was doing with her hand felt really good, even though I felt guilty for likening it, as if I was cheating on Brian or something. It wasn't like I had a choice, however. My friends were watching. They knew what was going on under the hay. I couldn't make her stop. Mmmm, it did feel good. Her experienced hand began a slow rhythm… up and down, up and down. She might be a girl, but it didn't matter when she was touching me like that.
I started breathing a little harder. Her tight grip was driving me out of my mind. Only one other person, other than myself, had touched me like that before, but that had been over a month before, when I was dating Allison. I had to fight to keep quiet and to keep still. She gazed deep into my eyes with a wicked, mischievous look. I knew she thought no one around us had a clue as to what she was doing, but one quick glance told me that Todd, Cody, Ryan and several of the others were watching us as if we were putting on a sex show.
What she was doing felt incredible, but at the same time I felt kind of violated, almost like I was being raped or something. Sure, I could have made her stop at any time, but I had to avoid suspicion. There was no way out. I tried to force the pleasure from my mind; I didn't want to like it. It made me feel like I was betraying Brian, and that was the worst feeling in all the world.
Lightning flashed of pleasure were going off in my groin. I couldn't take it anymore. She was driving me crazy. My eyes rolled back into my head and I moaned softly. I hadn't felt anything this incredible since I had fucked Allison. It was so much better than when I did it myself. It seemed ten times more powerful and intense. A wave of pleasure surged through my entire body, and I spasmed once, twice, three times. It was all I could do not to cry out; I bit my lower lip hard to stay quiet.
I sat there for a moment or two with my eyes closed, listening to the gentle clop-clop of the horses' hooves on the road. Finally, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. The guys were staring at me, wide eyed. Todd was actually snickering; he knew exactly what was going on. I knew that on Monday morning, I'd be hearing a lot in the hallways about Andrea getting me off. All the guys would be talking about it. I sighed. Well, at least that much good would come of it. I hated what had happened, but at least it's help camouflage my relationship with Brian.
The release of sexual tension felt awesome, but as soon as I was finished, I felt this great wave of guilt wash over me. I felt like I'd sacrificed myself to hide my secret, mine and Brian's. I'd done something I didn't want to do, just to hide a love I wished I could share with the world. I felt so used and so guilty, but then again, was there really any way for me to get out of what had just happened? No matter how I turned the situation over in my mind, there was no solution. After all, it wasn't like I'd tried to get her to give me a hand job; it was all her idea. Still, I felt guilty as hell about the whole thing, especially since it had felt so damned good.
Mercifully, the hay wagon stopped. The ride was over. If only it could've ended a few minutes earlier! I quickly zipped up my jeans and refastened my belt. The only good thing about the whole incident was that Todd, Mark, and a couple of others had witnessed the whole thing, which would buy me a little protection. I kept repeating that to myself, trying to make myself feel better about the whole thing. It didn't help much.
Andrea pulled me to the side as we slipped off the wagon.
"Scott," she whispered, "would you like to go somewhere more… private?"
I gulped. Every other boy's dream was suddenly my nightmare. She wanted me and wanted me bad. What had happened in the wagon was only the beginning. My mind raced for a way out.
"Andrea, you know I'd like to. What guy wouldn't? But…"
"But what?" she pouted.
Shit! I was wondering 'but what' too. Damnit… what was I going to do? I had to come up with something, fast.
"No one knows it yet," I said with all the sincerity I could master, "but I'm kind of seeing someone."
It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either.
"Who?" she demanded.
"I can't tell you."
Now that was the truth!
"Who is she?"
I sighed and made a helpless gesture.
"Sorry, Andrea. I just can't tell."
"You bastard!" she snapped. "You use me! All you guys just want the same thing! Why didn't you tell me?"
Suddenly, we had everyone's attention. Just what I didn't want. I wished I could just turn invisible. She was yelling at me and everyone was looking at us.
I thought she was being pretty hypocritical. I mean, she was the one who wanted exactly what she accused me of being after! Hell, if I hadn't turned her down, I bet she would've done anything I wanted. Anything.
"Come on, Andrea," I protested. "What was I supposed to do? You were all over me!"
I was getting angry. Her whole attitude was pissing me off. I felt like she'd used me.
"Fuck you, Scott!"
She slapped my face hard. Everyone watched as she stomped off in a huff. I couldn't tell if she was pissed because I'd let her do what she did, or because she wasn't going to get anymore, or both. At least she was gone.
Once the show was over, everyone went back to their business. I knew they were all talking about me. It was attention I didn't need.
Brian had managed to disentangle himself from Allison with far more grace. At least he hadn't created a major scene. At any rate, he was walking toward me alone. We quickly slipped away from the crowd. We didn't speak until we were well outside of earshot.
"I really handled that well!" I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.
"Well," he said, grinning, "at least I don't think she'll be after you anymore."
"No shit!"
He laughed.
"What did you tell Allison?" I asked in a low voice.
"I just told her you were my boyfriend."
He said it so seriously that I actually believed him for a moment. I was shocked. The color drained from my face and my mouth was hanging open. He immediately burst out laughing.
"Arggggh!" I growled and lightly punched him in the stomach. "Don't do that! You scared the shit out of me!"
That just made him laugh more. He really had frightened me; my heart was still pounding in my chest. I finally burst out laughing too, in sheer relief.
Him and I walked behind the barn like we had before. There were no girls, no teammates; we could be totally alone. At least I hoped so. But if we came there for privacy, might not another couple do the same?
"What are we going to do about this?" I asked seriously. "We can't keep pushing girls away without arousing suspicion."
"You didn't exactly look like you were pushing Andrea away," he said.
It was dark, but he could still see the look of guilt on my face. I told him what had happened, hoping he'd for forgive me. His eyes were filled with understanding and compassion.
"Hey, Scott, I know. I was sitting right beside you, remember? We were so close she was practically in my pants, too! Listen, I didn't like what happened, but what could you do, punch her in the face or something? Forget about it. It's over. It doesn't matter."
I shook my head.
"I just don't want to hurt you, Brian. I'd never do anything to hurt you. I…"
I felt so bad that I was on the verge of tears.
He grasped my chin and pulled my face up so he could look into my eyes.
"I know, Scott," he said softly. "And you didn't, okay."
I nodded.
"I love you, Brian."
His understanding made me feel so good inside.
"I love you too, Scott."
We stood there for a moment, then walked on.
"What are we going to do about this?" I asked. "Everyone's bound to get suspicious, and I don't want to go through another night like this again."
"I don't know, Scott. I've been thinking the same thing," he said.
"Did you see Andrea on me? Right before she slapped me, she asked me to take her somewhere 'private'. She didn't come right out and say it, but I think she was going to blow me. Either that, or she wanted to fuck."
"Really?" he said. "Of course, after doing what she'd already done, I guess that shouldn't surprise me. Allison wanted me to take her somewhere as well. I don't think she had anything quite that involved in mind, but still…"
I glanced around as we walked. Luckily, we were still alone.
"You know, I'd like to take you somewhere private," he said. "Somewhere we can do what Andrea and Allison wanted to do, only with each other."
"Careful, Brian," I said. "You're getting me excited. I suppose we could slip off further behind the barn or something."
We continued walking and made our way across the pasture and into the trees behind. As we disappeared into the dark, he put his hand on my butt and gave it a squeeze. Oh my god! I was already hard, but his touch made me even harder, if that's even possible. I thought I might cum right then and there, and he had only touched my butt.
"We're alone now," I said, putting my hand on his shoulder.
As important as our discussion was, I had other things on my mind, as did he apparently.
He stopped and smiled at me sweetly. We looked at each other in the pale blue moonlight. He was so handsome, with his beautiful blond hair, and his blue and white shirt. He always looked good in that shirt, but then he looked great no matter what he wore. I had no doubt he'd look even better wearing nothing at all.
I wrapped my arms around him and drew him close. His strong arms pulled me hard against him. I could feel his warmth, feel his chest rise and fall, feel his heart beating. I could also feel his hard cock pressing into my own hard cock. I nuzzled against his neck, drinking in the delicious scent of his hair and his cologne. I sighed, completely relaxed. We just stood there hugging each other for a few moments. It was one of those moments that I wished could last forever.
I looked back and gazed into his piercing eyes, which sparkled with the light of a thousand stars. We inched forward, our faces drawing ever slowly closer, our eyes gazing at each other dreamily. Time had no meaning; the moment stretched into eternity. My lips neared his for moments, hours, ages. He was my whole world, and I was his. This was it; this was love. I pressed my lips to his and we kissed, delicately, then more deeply. It was our first kiss and one that will remain forever etched in my mind.
We dared not stay alone in the woods for long. We'd been gone far too long already, and soon suspicion would arise. I hoped no one had seen us slip away. I could just imagine the rumors after that. Everyone would be talking about how I had turned Andrea down, then slipped away with Brian. I winced at the thought, yeah that would be really pleasant.
Reluctantly, our lips finally parted. We broke our embrace, and headed back toward the bonfire, hand in hand. I could still taste his sweet kiss. My mind was filled with his presence. Warmth flowed through our clasped hands. Simply touching him, having him near, brought me a contentment that was beyond description. I couldn't think of anything more wonderful than being in love. Only when we drew near the light did I finally release his hand. His mere touch filled my heart with bliss.
Despite any potential problems I might face, I couldn't help but be happy. Never before in my life had I found someone, someone who loved me. As we walked back toward the bonfire, hand in hand, we talked about what we should do as far as keeping our friends from being suspicious. Since we both went to different schools it should be a little easier. I know if I was around him every day at school, one or the other of us would eventually do something that would give away our little secret.
"We still haven't figured out how to divert any suspicion away from us," I said. "As much as I enjoyed what we just did, I think Todd already suspects something is up between us."
"As does Mark," he said. "He never came right out and asked me after we got back earlier, but he clearly thinks something is going on."
"Normally, Todd and me would have hung around all day today, but I barely saw either of them at the amusement park. I've been thinking that maybe I should tell him what's going on. I'm just not sure how he will react. He is my best friend, but that doesn't necessarily mean he will like that I'm gay."
"It's the same with Mark," he said. "He's my cousin, and I spend a lot of time on the farm here, but I really have no idea how he might react either."
I nodded.
"You know the guys were watching us on the hay ride. Todd even gave me a thumbs up! I guess I kind of blew that, turning down Andrea right in front of him."
"At least we put on a good act, even if we didn't take it as far as we could have."
"I suppose I could go back to dating Allison," I said. "She was pissed off at me, but we did go together for a couple of months. I even fucked her once, and the guys know it. She verified it inadvertently when we broke up, so they know I wasn't just talking shit, like all guys do."
"I know exactly what you mean," he said. "There's not one virgin boy in my entire high school, including me, if you believe all that bullshit guys talk."
He paused, clearly running something over in his mind. We both stopped at the edge of the woods.
"Why not?" he asked.
"Huh?"
I didn't quite understand.
"Why can't you go back to Allison? If you ask her nicely and beg for her forgiveness, she'll probably take you back. You could date her and maybe I can find me a girl down in Welch. We could still see each other on the sly."
"You could always ask Andrea," I suggested.
"Scott, I saw the way she was all over you," he said, exasperated. "There's no way I could date her! If I acted like she was my girlfriend, I'd have to really have sex with her. I'm positive if it came to that, I'd never be able to get it up, and she'd figure me out for sure. And you said it yourself, you already fucked Allison once. Do you think you'll be able to hold her off again?"
"I hadn't thought of that," I admitted.
"I didn't mean those two," he said. "We need nice girls, you know, ones that aren't about to go any further than making out without some major commitment. We need girls who don't put out."
I winced.
"I don't know if I'd feel right about that," I said. "I mean, I'd feel like some kind of tease."
"Just don't promise them anything you can't deliver. It's simple; we take them out, show them a good time, have fun. We pay attention to them at school, hold hands with them, that sort of thing. We even make out with them a little, but that's all. Before it gets really serious, we can cool things down… break up even. No one will get hurt."
I had doubts, but I pushed them from my mind.
"I guess so," I said, musing it over. "I guess it wouldn't hurt. I mean, we'd at least be showing them a good time."
"Yeah, and we can still see each other occasionally after school and the occasional weekend," he said.
"I just don't know what to do about Todd," I said, "or in your case, what you should do about Mark."
"I think I might just ask him in general what he thinks about gay guys and see what he says," he said. "If he reacts badly, I just won't tell him anything. If he seems okay with it, I might come out to him. But don't worry, I won't say anything about you until you're ready."
"That sounds like a good idea," I said. "Maybe I'll try the same thing with Todd. Depending on how he reacts, I'll decide from there."
We kissed one final time just before we came around from the back of the barn and joined everyone back at the bonfire. If it had been up to me, we would have spent another hour in the woods making out, but that was too risky, at least for now. I just hope our plan works.
At last Brian and I had a plan that would protect us, and I already had a girl in mind. He was going to continue going with Charmain, the girl that he pretends to date, who knew he was gay. According to him, she was a lesbian, and didn't seem to mind. When we arrived back at the bonfire I headed for my hopefully new 'girlfriend' before Andrea could locate me and attach herself. She'd left me in a huff, but I had the feeling she'd be back.
I felt just a little guilty as I approached Laura; after all, my intentions weren't exactly pure. But then again, were the intentions of any seventeen-year-old boy toward a girl pure? Most boys my age would've been hot after the very thing I sought to avoid. Wouldn't most girls be thrilled with a handsome young man who'd pay attention to her, tell her how beautiful she was, buy her gifts, and show her a good time, all without pressuring her for sex?
Perhaps what I was after was exactly what she needed. Still, there was this little bit of guilt in the pit of my stomach, that just wouldn't go away. I knew in my heart that what I was doing was wrong. No matter how pleasant I intended to make the lie, it was just that, a lie. I could never be the kind of boyfriend that girls dreamed about; it just wasn't possible.
I pushed my thoughts and guilt to the side and forged ahead. It was a matter of self-preservation. I had to avoid suspicion, and taking on a fake girlfriend was the only way to do it. There was just no other way.
Laura was standing with a couple of her friends. She eyed me shyly as I approached. I could read excitement and a touch of admiration in her eyes. She lit up as I neared. She had the look of someone who had within her grasp what she'd always wanted, and yet feared that it would slip away. I realized how badly I could hurt her if I wasn't careful, and it scared me. Having that kind of responsibility over another person's life was frightening. Along with the guilt, there were butterflies in my stomach. I had to fight to keep my voice even.
"Laura?" I inquired as sweetly as I could, making it plain that something was on my mind.
I hadn't paid much attention to her before. I wanted her to think that it was because I was shy, not because I wasn't interested. I wanted her to believe that it had taken me a few weeks to get over my breakup with Allison before I worked up the courage to approach her.
"Scott, hi," she said, turning from her friends.
The girls nearby watched our exchange intently. I felt like I was acting in a play before an audience, and I guess I was in a way. I nervously pushed the hair out of my eyes.
"Uh, hi," I said, in my best 'shy and casual' voice.
She was kind of shy for real, and she was obviously excited that I was paying attention to her.
"There's a dance tomorrow night," I said. "I was wondering if you'd like to go with me?"
Asking her out wasn't easy. I was so nervous. I guess all guys felt that way when they asked a girl out.
She smiled brightly and her eyes looked beautiful under the moonlight.
"I'd love that, Scott."
I nodded.
"Tomorrow then, say seven?"
"Sure.
I almost left without getting her phone number and address. Duh! I wasn't good at interacting with girls at all. I heard her and her girlfriends start chatting as soon as they thought I was out of earshot. All I caught was "he's so cute!" For a moment, I felt really good about myself, but then reality set in, and I felt wicked and deceitful. No, I didn't feel good about what I was doing at all.
I glanced across to another group of kids by the bonfire and momentarily locked eyes with Andrea, then looked away. She had seen what went on, and she definitely looked pissed. I don't think she'd heard what Laura and I said, but she might have suspected that I lied to her when I told her I was seeing someone else. Of course, I wasn't really lying. I was seeing Brian, but she'd think it was a lie all the same if she discovered I'd just asked out Laura. Either way, she was mad as hell. It was probably just as well; maybe it'd get her off me once and for all. If she thought I was a jerk, it might finally break the spell that seemed to attract her to me. It had worked previously with Allison after all. I couldn't help but feel awkward about the whole situation. What was I getting myself into?
What a tangled web of deception and deceit Brian and I were weaving. Fake girlfriends, a secret affair, and who knew what was to come. And yet, we had little choice in the matter. Our parents, our friends… hell most of the world would have disowned us if the truth got out. For all the talk of acceptance and understanding, there was still so much prejudice and hate out there. What kind of world was it where loving a member of you own sex was treated like such a crime? Why couldn't everyone understand that love was a wonderful thing, no matter who loved who? Some of my classmates even believed that homosexuals went straight to hell. Now what kind of thinking was that? Going to hell for caring about someone, for loving someone? I don't think so!
Despite being coerced into deceit by a cold-hearted world, I didn't feel good about it. I had never liked the idea of lying. Sure, I told my mom her new hair style looked great sometimes when I didn't think it did, or I told one of my friends his new CD was cool when I didn't really care that much for it, but basically, I was an honest person. Besides, lying required a sharp memory. I had enough trouble remembering everything that really did happen. I didn't need the hassle of remembering something fictional. Lies had a way of building on themselves, too. It usually took one lie to cover up the first, then another and another, until pretty soon there was nothing but lies. I didn't like what Brian and I were forced into doing at all, but there was nothing to do but make the best of it.
I didn't dwell on Laura. I thought instead of Brian. He'd kissed me, and it was the most wonderful thing ever. I could remember the moment that his lips touched mine, as if it were still happening. If I lived to be a hundred, I knew I'd still remember it just the same. Kissing him made me feel so loved, so accepted, so cared for. It was as if I'd received something that I'd been missing my whole life.
My mind lingered on the moment when our mouths had opened and he had gently slipped his tongue between my lips. I'd found myself doing the same, and it made me feel as if I were a part of him, and he were part of me. It set my entire body on fire with desire. I wondered if he had noticed how excited it made me; I'd felt as if my pants were going to rip from the strain. Just at the memory, I felt the familiar throbbing from my groin. I needed to shift my thoughts before I got home. The last thing I needed was for my parents to see me with a huge bulge in my pants! I'd totally die of embarrassment if that happened.
It had been the best day and night of my life. Things were a little awkward with Todd on the drive home.
"What's up with you and Brian?" he asked.
"We're just friends, that's all," I replied.
"I think he's a fag."
I slowed down. My heart was pounding in my chest like a hammer.
"Why would you think something like that?" I asked. "Besides, he has a girlfriend at his school."
"So, he says, anyway. I still think he's a faggot."
"You're a dumbass, Todd," I said.
"You're not a fag as well, are you, Scott?" he asked. "You've been hanging out a lot with him lately. You two spent all day together at the amusement park today, and then you disappeared together tonight after the hayride."
"I have a girlfriend as well, Todd," I told him. "I asked Laura out earlier and she said yes. And, I dated Allison before that. I even fucked her. Why would you think I'm gay?"
My mind was racing. Should I tell him, or just blow him off as being a jerk tonight? I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to just tell him, and another part of me wanted to say nothing. He was my best friend, although he wasn't acting like it right now.
"That don't mean nothing," he said.
"What more proof do you need, Todd?" I asked. "I dated Allison and even fucked her, and I asked Laura to the dance earlier. Hell, Andrea even jerked me off tonight. You and the other guys sat there staring at us the whole time. I don't ever see you with a girlfriend. So, what's up with that?"
He didn't say anything about that, so I decided to drop it. I didn't want to get into a fight with my best friend. But at least now I have a pretty good idea about what he thinks of gay guys.
"I still think Brian is a fag," he finally said.
"And you're an asshole, Todd," I said. "So, what if he's gay? How does that affect you?"
"So, you're saying he is?"
I was beginning to get a little pissed off at him.
"I'm not saying shit about him," I said. "Something like that is none of my fucking business. Just drop it, okay. Jesus!"
The two of us didn't say another word as we continued toward home. I dropped him off about five minutes later and went home. He had managed to ruin what had been the best day of my life. Part of me says to try and explain things to him, and part of me says to just forget about it. I'll have to think about this before I make any decisions.
I finally arrived home, said a quick hello to my parents and retreated to my room, closing and locking the door behind me. I lay back on my bed, put my hands behind my head and tried to forget about Todd, thinking about Brian instead. He loved me. He actually loved me. I almost couldn't believe it. Someone with his good looks could get any girl he wanted, but instead he wanted me.
I didn't try to analyze it; I just wanted to enjoy it. I sighed and smiled to myself. For the first time ever, I had a boyfriend, and he was more handsome and strong and wonderful than I'd ever hoped. It finally looked like I wouldn't die a gay virgin as I'd feared, either. We'd already kissed and, without doubt, there was more to come. I sure wanted more. There were times when I had to fight myself to keep from ripping his shirt right off. His muscular chest absolutely drove me crazy. Yum!
I was almost surprised at my own thoughts. I'm sure anyone else would've been. Maybe what they said about the shy ones was true, maybe they really were wild. I was feeling pretty wild, and I definitely wanted to do wild things with Brian, the sooner the better. If I could work up the courage, something would happen between us soon. If I couldn't, then I'd wait for him to make a move, and I'd make sure he knew I wanted him to keep going.
For the immediate future, I'd content myself with a hug now and then, and an all too rare kiss. Even that was more wonderful than anything I'd ever imagined before. Even so, I couldn't wait until the day that him and I could be together at last.
The next day, I drove down to Welch, to Brian's house. I wanted to spend as much time with him today as possible before going home, and then taking Laura to the dance tonight. Usually, all the dances were on Friday or Saturday night, but sometimes they were during the week, or even on Sunday, like tonight. I guess my school was just weird like that.
I had only been to his house a couple of times. He had been to mine a couple of times as well. If you think Chouteau is small, it's a bustling metropolis compared to Welch. The downtown area is about two blocks long and there's less than a thousand people who live in the town itself. Brian actually lives in a large house in the country, about a mile south and maybe a mile or so east of Welch.
After he introduced me to his parents and his older sister, he led me upstairs to his room. He had no sooner closed the door then he was all over me. We kissed and made out on his bed for several minutes, before he reached down and pulled my shirt over my head. I pulled his shirt off as well, and we went right back to making out on his bed, rolling around, rubbing our bare chests against each other. I started running my hand up and down his chest and stomach, playing with his nipples, licking and kissing my way down his torso. He was doing the same with me, and needless to say, we both got hard. I don't think I'd ever been more aroused in my entire life. I couldn't wait to see what came next.
I reached down and rubbed my hand against the front of his jeans and he was the same as me. I groped him and the next thing I knew he was bucking his hips and letting out a low moan as he seemed to relax. I knew exactly what had happened, and his embarrassed grin confirmed my suspicions.
He got a similar reaction out of me about thirty seconds later. We both looked at each other and laughed. This was definitely the first time I had ever gotten off with another guy, and it was his as well.
That was just what the two of us needed, to kind of take the edge off. We continued making out, and before long we had stripped down to our underwear.
A few minutes later, I did something I had been wanting to do for over a year now, even more since I had met him. I didn't even think about it, I just reached over and pulled his underwear down and took him in my mouth. I knew that if I hesitated, I'd talk myself out of it, so I just went for it. The first time I had ever touched another boy, there, and it seemed like the greatest thing I had ever done. I had fantasized about sucking another boy's cock, but it was like ten times hotter than I had imagined.
For the second time in less than twenty minutes, he came. He tried to warn me what was about to happen, but I didn't give a fuck. I just grabbed his ass with both hands and pulled him in deeper. I gagged a little as he shot his load down my throat, and I just kept sucking until I got every last drop out of his slowly deflating dick. I had always kind of wondered what cum would actually taste like, and now I knew. Surprisingly, it wasn't bad. It had kind of a sweet and salty taste to it, and was a little slimy going down, but I swallowed every drop.
He quickly returned the favor, as I knew he would. I didn't last any longer than he did, which wasn't surprising, considering this was my first time with a guy. I had had my dick sucked by Allison back when we were dating, but this was like a hundred times more intense. This was Brian after all, the boy I was quickly falling in love with.
We continued to make out for about another hour. We neither one thought we were ready to go any farther today. I wasn't even sure exactly what that meant. I mean, I know about guys fucking and all that, but I wasn't exactly sure how to go about it.
We decided we needed to continue what we had done and experiment as we went along. I'm sure we'll figure everything out eventually. I mean, it can't be that complicated. I had fucked Allison once and that was fairly simple, if a little disgusting, and it can't be that much different with a guy. I mean other than the obvious. Whatever. We'll get it figured out.
All too soon, it was time for me to go home. I had to go take a shower and get ready to take Laura to the dance tonight.
Now that I had been with another boy, there was no doubt whatsoever in my mind. I'm one hundred percent gay! I can't wait to be with him again, but I have to at least pretend to like girls for probably the rest of my time in high school. I can't wait to graduate and get the hell out of there.
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