Disowned
by Victor Thomas
Chapter 25
Kenny
I slumped on my bed, dazed. Why the hell had Javier kissed me? Irritated, I kicked my backpack. It wouldn't have hurt if I was still wearing shoes, but I had the habit of taking them off at the door to keep the carpet cleaner. My toe burst into pain as it collided with the corner of one of my books. I cursed, partly because of the pain in my toe, but mostly because of my messed-up life.
"Kenny!" came a sharp voice from the kitchen. "Watch your language."
"Sorry, mom," I replied obediently.
A few seconds passed, and more instructions came from the kitchen. I took off my sock and examined my toe. Despite the redness, it looked fine. It would bruise for sure, but it was nothing compared to the bruise in my soul.
Goddamn, Javier. Why can't I forget you?
The kiss had been so sweet, the best ever. And then I had kissed him back, which was a mistake. A big one. There was no way he hadn't noticed it, and now he would be after me. At the back of my mind, I wished he would never give up. I missed my boyfriend so badly, and the touch and kisses had only made it worse.
Just when I pressed my head on the pillow, my phone beeped. I pulled it from my pocket, hoping and fearing it would be from Javier. It wasn't, unfortunately, but it was Joshua's name in the sender field and the message was simple yet scary.
'I say you kissing him. Should I tell mama?'
I froze and my stomach turned upside down. Was this fucking asshole stalking my every move? Besides, I hadn't done anything wrong. It was Javier who couldn't keep his hands off me. Life was sometimes so damn unfair. If Joshua told my mom, life as I knew it would be over. I began typing a reply but didn't manage to finish it before mom opened my bedroom door.
"Dinner will be ready soon," she said. "You could clean the bathroom while I cook the potatoes."
"I'll do it soon."
I didn't raise my gaze from the phone.
She grabbed it from my hand and gave me a meaningful look.
"Now!"
My heart skipped a beat and my muscles stiffened. She was holding my phone in her hand with my half-written message on the screen. I stood up, hoping she would not read the messages between me and him.
"Okay, I'll clean it right away," I said. "Can I have my phone back? Please."
She glanced at the screen and put it in her pocket.
"You can message you friends later."
"Mom. Please."
"Remember to use the toilet brush and wash your hands when you're finished."
With a heavy sigh, I lumbered to the bathroom. I took a rag from the cabinet and looked around the small room. As far as I could tell it was neat and tidy everywhere, but I decided to start on the wall with white tiles next to the shower. Tile by tile I sprayed the cleaner and wiped it away.
Should I just tell her?
As long as I was in the closet, the douche bag could blackmail me. Maybe it wasn't too late to get him back. I could just tell her and all my problems would vanish. Unfortunately, I knew it wasn't so simple. Even if she did let me live in her house, she would never let me date Javier.
It's not her fucking business who I see.
I sat on the floor, painfully aware that if I didn't do something quickly, I would lose him forever. Him and Joshua had been hanging around far too much already, and this was a war I didn't want that asshole to win. No matter how hard I pondered my options, there was only one conclusion; I had to tell my mom.
After brushing the toilet seat, I spread out a fair layer of soap on my hands, rubbed them clean and rinsed them under the running water. At the same time, my brain was working on a coming out strategy. A few minutes later, when I had arrived in the kitchen, I was still clueless about what to say. Slowly, I approached my mother, who had her back toward me and was preparing something.
I cleared my throat.
"Mom."
"Can you set the table?" she asked, not turning to look at me.
"Sure," I said.
It was far easier than telling her that I was gay, so I gladly took two plates from the antique cupboard and arranged them on opposite sides of the round table. Then I filled the decorative glass pitcher with ice tea and set it on the table. After forks and knives, glasses and napkins were set in their places; soon everything was ready for dinner.
We filled our plates with mashed potatoes, pork chops, and green beans, and sat down at the table. I filled our glasses with tea and stayed silent until she had given thanks to god for the food we were about to eat. Luckily, she didn't expect me to participate in the prayer. It was awkward enough to watch her doing it.
I tasted the meat. It was tender, but I couldn't enjoy it. My heart was beating too fast in anticipation of what I was about to say. Slowly, I raised my gaze and waited until she noticed me watching her.
"Um, I need to tell you something," I said hesitantly.
"I hope you haven't done something stupid."
She placed her fork and knife on the plate and leaned back in her chair.
"Oh, no, no, no!" I panicked. "Actually, it's about Javier. Nothing too important."
"You two aren't friends anymore, are you?"
No, but I would like to be. I shook my head. The conversation wasn't going at all in the direction I would have wanted, but one thing was clear; coming out to my mom would be the most foolish idea ever. My mind had given up already, but for some reason, my mouth kept trying.
"Why don't you want me to spend time with him?"
"What would your father say if everybody thought you were… like that boy?" she said, raising her voice.
I should have remained silent, but it was getting harder and harder.
"I don't care what other's think. We live in the damn twenty first century."
"Are you telling me you want to be a homosexual?"
My jaw dropped. Like it was something I could choose. The intense gaze of her eyes made my cheeks burn. My breathing became harder when I considered my options, and before I realized it, I had already said it.
"Mom, I'm not gay."
"Thank god! Don't you scare me like that."
"I just don't like anybody dictating who I can be friends with," I said, defeated.
"Javier has chosen a path for his life that isn't right. You know what god thinks about this. I'm sure you'll find better friends."
Her words were sharp and to the point. I grimaced and dropped my cutlery on the table. Of course, she would harness god and the whole universe against me, like my life wasn't hard enough with all that religious crap I was fed up with.
It's only one fucking year, then I'll leave this house forever.
"Honey, I'm just thinking of what is best for you," she said with a hypocritical smile on her face. "When you have your own children, you'll understand."
"Yeah, whatever," I said bitterly.
"I met Hannah's parents yesterday, by the way."
I stayed quiet. I knew where this discussion was going and had no interest in talking about my ex-girlfriend with her. Unfortunately, she didn't want to drop the topic, but explained enthusiastically how Hannah's mom had praised my always polite behavior and how she wished me and her were still together.
The conversation made me feel sick. If she just knew the truth, I wouldn't have to listen to this nonsense. In that case, we would probably not sit there talking, or then she would be driving out the evil spirits from my soul with the bible in one hand and a whip in the other.
"I heard she's dating Chris now," she said.
"Yeah."
"Are you still thinking of her?" she pressed.
No, mom. I'm thinking about Javier.
At the same time, my phone in her pocket beeped. I stretched out my hand, hoping she would give it back. She took the phone but held it in her hands and smiled at me.
"Is it from some girl?" she asked.
"Mom, please. Can I have my phone?" I pleaded.
Finally, she passed it to me.
"I hope you'll introduce her to me soon."
I excused myself and rushed to my room. Like I had expected, the message was from Joshua, wanting to know what I had decided. With a thousand-pound heart and tears falling down my cheeks, I typed out the words I hoped I would never have to.
'It's all over with him. Please don't say anything to my mom, okay?'
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