Disowned
by Victor Thomas
Chapter 14
Kenny
Shit! Shit! Shit!
I followed my mother through the mall toward the door. By the entrance, a mother handed an ice cream cone to her child. The girl, who was barely older than five, stared at it fascinated. Her mom and the young man behind the counter smiled. I didn't feel fascinated at all when I tried to keep up with mom, who was rushing through the doors to the parking lot.
Of all people, why had we bumped into that idiot? Joshua had managed to ruin my already awkward afternoon big time. I would rather spend time in my boyfriend's bedroom than carrying a stupid rug at the mall. Besides, who would have noticed a few coffee stains anyway.
The fact that Joshua had nearly outed me irritated me greatly. What I told and didn't tell my mother was my decision, or at least it should be. It was clear that he had done it on purpose. The bastard was after Javier.
We marched all the way to the car, and after putting the bag in the trunk, I sat in the front seat. Mom didn't start the engine or look at me. She just held the steering wheel and stared into the distance. I felt in my stomach that I would need to use the bathroom rather soon.
"Can we please go? I'm not…" I said.
"It's my fault," she said. "You shouldn't have to grow up without a father."
"Mom, it's okay," I said.
Had the afternoon been unusual, now it had a new, bizarre twist. I could remember only a few times when she had mentioned dad. It was mostly when I went to see him, and now I didn't have such plans. Besides, what did my father have to do with anything?
She turned to look at me.
"No, it's not okay."
"Mom, I don't understand what…"
"You never had a decent man as a role model."
"I'm fine. Really."
Her eyes studied me, and she shook her head. There was some unexplained terror in her eyes that made me uncomfortable. I wasn't sure if I should hug her or get out of the car. I couldn't make up my mind before she cleared her throat and asked the next question.
"Are you gay?"
I tensed and forgot to breath.
"What? No!"
"Thank god."
She leaned her head against the headrest and put her hands down on her lap. I watched her with sad eyes, and a growing coldness filled my body. It reached my heart, which felt like it was shrinking.
Would it matter if I was?
I wasn't brave enough to ask the question. Instead, I hoped she would start the engine. The faster I was home alone in my bedroom, the better. Unfortunately, the gray Pontiac Grand Am sat firmly in the parking space.
"I'm sorry I asked," she said.
I forced a weak smile. I wanted to ask if there was something else other than Joshua's words that had led to the assumption. After all, I had dated Hannah for two years, two miserable years of my life when I was too cowardly to admit to myself what I really wanted. And now I was almost in the same situation with my mom.
"Javier and I are just friends," I heard the words escape my mouth.
"How's Chris? I saw you and him in front of the house yesterday."
"He might get a football scholarship."
Finally, she took the car key and started the engine. Watching over her shoulder, she backed up from the parking space and turned the wheels toward the exit. I noticed Joshua's Mustang, and a wave of anger went through my body. In my mind, I kicked the side of the car as hard as I could.
The boy had everything, good looks, a nice car, and wealthy parents. And now he wanted the only good thing in my life. I'm not going to give up without a fight, I decided, looking out the side window. The sun was setting, and there were only a few clouds in the purple sky. In my mind, there were more, and they were darker.
"I think you should spend more time with Chris," she said out of the blue.
"Huh? I see him every day at school," I replied.
She was silent for a moment, and then blurted out, "I don't think you should hang out with Javier so often."
I fisted my hands and closed my eyes to calm down. I considered my options, trying not to let the blood inside me begin to boil. I had taken shit from some kids at school, then from Joshua, and now from my mom. Enough was enough.
"Some people are gay," I said, my tone getting more and more annoyed. "There's nothing wrong with it."
"Honey, I just don't want people to start rumors about you. I'm sure he has other friends."
"Mom, I don't care."
"But I do. As long as you live in my house, I don't want you to hang out with the wrong people."
The anger in her voice made me stop the discussion. I knew far too well that when she was in this kind of mood, no rational argument was going to work. She had made up her mind, and it was the end of the conversation.
One more year, I thought. I looked at the houses as we drove past. I was sure there were families in those houses that were happy, much happier than mine.
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