Starting Over

by Tony A

Chapter 13

It's now a week before Winter break and the days seem to be slowing down. Maybe it just seems that way because of a particular nuisance named Nathan. He's suffocating me, no matter where I am he seems to be around every corner. He insists on hanging out with me and Cole everyday. Cole and I haven't even been alone in a week and it's killing me...also it's making me uncomfortably horny. But there's not much we can do since Nathan is still threatening to spread our secret.

I've gotten to the point where I don't even care if people find out, but the problem is that Cole isn't fine with it. He isn't ready to come out to the whole school and the last thing I want to do is push him. So in the mean time we have to deal with Nathan aka the insane guy who's blackmailing us.

Being around Nathan has become a regular routine. We hang out with him everyday after school at either my house or Cole's and it's getting tiring. Weirdly enough, we never go to Nathan's house, which is odd since he's the one who suggests these hang outs. Not only is he being annoying but now he's starting to put a strain on my relationship with Cole. He's always "subtly" flirting with Cole and what makes it worse is that Cole doesn't even notice it because he's so naive and trusting.

This is all to say that now, we are all hanging out together at Cole's house, which would be the 5th time this week. At least now it's Friday and we can dodge him a bit more on the weekends.

Nathan's voice knocked me out of my thoughts, "... a party tonight. What do you think?"

I looked over at Cole who had a skeptical look on his face then I looked at Nathan and he had an optimistic smile on his.

I didn't trust it so I had to ask. "What did you say, sorry I zoned out."

"You seem to do that a lot, man that head injury must have really messed up your attention span." Nathan remarked with a smirk as he patted my shoulder.

I instantly shrugged him off and scowled. "No, I just seem to zone out whenever I'm around boring company."

He just looked amused, which is how he always looks whenever I snap at him. "Aw, that's no way to talk about Cole."

I looked over at Cole just to reassure him, "We all know I wasn't talking about him." I deadpanned.

Cole jumped in (per usual) to keep this from being another awkward moment. "Nathan was talking about his friend having a party tonight and asked if we wanted to go."

"Yeah, Matt and if you're not nice to me then maybe I won't bring you along." Nathan chided.

"Oh no, really," I mocked with a laugh, "Spare me. I don't really give a shit about parties." I rolled my eyes. Why would I want to go to a party with Nathan when I'm trying to get away from him.

He raised an eyebrow, "Oh really? Well your boyfriend seemed pretty interested in going to a party."

I looked over at Cole curiously. I didn't think he was ever interested in anything like that. "Really, you wanna go?" I asked him pointedly.

He looked kind of guilty or embarrassed, I couldn't tell which. "Well, yeah, sort of. It's just... I've never really been to a party before and I thought it would be kinda cool to check it out at least." Cole said while avoiding eye contact.

I felt conflicted between my hatred for anything that Nathan suggests and my need to fulfill Cole's desires. In the end Cole won out (like he always does). If he really wants to go to this party then I'll go.

I reluctantly nodded my head in agreement, "Okay, if you want to go then... I'll go too." Then I thought about something. Who is this "friend" of Nathan's that's having a party? "Wait, who's party is it?" I asked while I surveyed Nathan skeptically.

"Some guy from school," He said flippantly.

I wasn't going to let him be vague like always. "Hold on, what guy from school? What's his name?"

Nathan looked uncomfortable by my prying. "Geez, what are you my mom." He rolled his eyes.

I looked at him expectantly, "So... who's party is it?"

"I think his name is Anthony... uh Delvine. Yeah, it's Anthony Delvine's party,"

I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. "Anthony Delvine? Are you kidding me. This isn't just some random guy. He's on the football team and he's friends with Kevin and...I guess he used to be friends with me. That means all my old football friends are gonna be there." I felt panicked.

Not to mention that's the same guy who Cole was tutoring and acted like an asshole by letting those rumors continue. But I didn't want to say that in front Nathan.

Cole could tell I was uneasy and came over to sit next to me on the couch and touched my arm. He looked at me worriedly, "If you think it'll be too weird to go then we don't have to Matt, it's no problem."

I looked over into his eyes and I could tell he was going to sacrifice this experience to appease me. I was touched that he was willing to do that for me. But I didn't like it. I wanted him to have fun and screw those football jocks. I don't give a shit about what they think of me. Also, I am on better terms with Kevin. So it'll be fine.

While Cole and I were having our moment Nathan was getting restless and of course, had to interrupt.

"Seriously dude, what was your life like before this accident. You must've been going to all these crazy parties with those jocks and you apparently were dating like the hottest girl in school. You were probably regularly hooking up with that chick, Ava, cause she seems kinda easy, if you know what I mean. Your life was like the high school fantasy."

I glared at him, "Could you not see that we're having a moment. And don't talk about Ava like that, you don't even know her." I said without thinking and I quickly looked up at Nathan as he started to smile.

"That's very interesting. I'm surprised you'd still be defending her. I thought you guys broke up." Nathan inquired.

My eyes flicked over to Cole when he withdrew his hand and looked at me with an expression that read 'he has a point'. Then I turned my gaze back to Nathan.

"Yeah, we did." I remarked sharply, to make a point to both of them. "It was just kind of rude what you said about her. It was a knee-jerk reaction, it meant nothing."

Nathan seemed to get over it quickly but Cole still seemed a little suspicious. Then Nathan spoke up, "So are you going or not?" He asked impatiently.

I took a deep breath, "Yeah, I'll go since Cole wants to go."

I looked over at him with a smile but he didn't look that happy, "You don't have to do me a favor." Cole murmured.

I was confused why he was having an attitude, "I'm not. I'm just saying I'll go if you're going."

"Okay," Cole huffed and then looked away.

I didn't have much time to think about it before Nathan broke in. "Okay, cool. Then we should get some drinks for the party."

"What? Why do we have to bring the drinks? They usually have the drinks at the party."

"Well, I kinda promised Anthony that I would bring some of the drinks cause he was short on his supply."

"More like that's the only reason you were invited." I mumbled.

He looked offended, "Excuse me, I'll have you know that Anthony and I had I nice long chat and got along great. Then I just happened to mention that I had the hook up on getting some drinks and I offered to bring some." Nathan defended.

Cole spoke up, "How are you even able to get these drinks?"

Nathan cupped Cole's chin, "Oh sweet Cole, I have my ways."

I gave Nathan a warning look and he dropped his hand from Cole's face. "Stop being vague. Seriously, how are you getting the drinks?"

"Ugh, you take the fun out of everything. Believe it or not, I enjoy being mysterious. But if you must know... I have a fake ID. I can get drinks whenever I want."

"Why do you have a fake ID?" Cole asked innocently.

"Why not. Either way that's not for you to worry about. However, it would be nice if I could get some help with the funds of these drinks." He winced at his own request.

"We'll see..." I remarked with a frown.

We got the drinks after a nervous and sweaty encounter at the liquor store and by that I mean, Cole and I were nervous that Nathan's fake ID was gonna be exposed, while Nathan was acting like it was nothing. He acted like he did this type of thing all the time...maybe he does.

All I know is that I'm still kinda freaking out about going to the party and confronting all my old friends, meanwhile Cole couldn't be more psyched to go to his first party. Nathan just seems excited to go, although he seems to have an ulterior motive, that I haven't quite figured out yet. Either way an unsettling feeling was resting in my stomach.

We walk up to the house with drinks in hand and since I was up front I knocked on the door.

But Nathan gave me a look like I was insane, "What the fuck are you doing? You don't knock, it's a house party just walk in," He gestured with the the bottle.

"Sorry... I guess I forgot," I muttered embarrassed.

We opened the door and proceeded to walk in. The house was already full of random high-schoolers that I couldn't recognize even if I wanted to. I felt equal parts awkward and uncomfortable as I just stood there just watching people talking, dancing, drinking and just looking like they're all genuinely having fun.

Before I could process my odd feelings, a tall figure crowded in front of us. I soon realized it was Anthony Delvine, the host of the party. He looked way too smug for his own good.

"Look who decided to show up, Matt and his misfit crew." Anthony snarked.

Nathan stepped up next to me and presented the drinks like it was some holy object, but it must have been important enough to Anthony because he didn't look as cocky as before. He took it so quickly it was as if he thought we would take it back. Then Nathan hastily retreated into the house like he just had a ticket of admission. He didn't even say anything to us before he left, which was off-putting since he was the one who begged us to come.

Anthony refocused his attention on us, "So Matt, old friend, we haven't talked for months and then you show up to my party with some weird new kid and this little..." He got closer to Cole and looked him up and down thoughtfully, "I don't even know what to call him. Is he your boyfriend or do you guys just suck each other's dicks." He smirked while still looking at Cole. Meanwhile, Cole flinched at the words and looked mortified.

I quickly got in between them and pushed myself right up to Anthony's face so that he would hear me and I remarked in a low voice, "You don't want to do this right now, because I won't hesitate to beat your ass in front of everyone."

He didn't look intimidated at all, he looked amused as more people started to gather around us. "No buddy, I don't think you want to start this right now. You walked into my party. So why don't you just go get a drink and relax because I'm not like those other pussies you've fought, I will fuck you up." He pushed me back after saying that then just walked off.

I brushed off the anger that was coming over me and I looked to my right expecting to see Cole but he wasn't anywhere in sight. I was concerned and was trying to look for him but the crowds of people seemed to grow in the cramped spaces and instead I found Kevin. He didn't look happy at all, with a drink in his hand. I'm pretty sure he was already drunk and he was coming right at me with a purpose.

I wanted to find a quick escape and I started looking for good exit points but he got to me before I could even move. He swayed in front of me and used my shoulder to hold him steady.

"Matt...man, where the fuck have you been!?" Kevin exclaimed too enthusiastically.

He was drawing more, unwanted attention to me. "Hey, are you okay? You look a little..."

"Drunk! Yeah, I might've pre-gamed before I came, so what." Then he focused more on my face and looked me dead in the eyes, "No, but I'm here to talk about you man... it's always about you man."

I could tell that Kevin was in the mood to talk so I ushered us over to a couch so that he could stop holding on to me and so that we could have a semblance of privacy.

"Okay Kevin, what do you need to tell me about?"

"You man, I said I wanted to talk about you."

"What about me?"

"Don't play dumb. You know what it's about. I'm pissed at you dude. We talked about trying to become friends again, hang out more, and I even accepted you and your --" He looked around cautiously then whispered loudly, "...your 'person'." I knew he was referring to Cole so I just rolled my eyes in response.

He still looked mixed up so I let him continue, "And I, stupidly assume that we'll actually be friends again and go back to normal, but no! You go off and hang out with gay and gayer over there."

I immediately made a move to get off the couch but Kevin quickly pulled me back down, "Geez, don't overreact like you always do. I just don't get why you'd rather spend all you time with the crazy weird kid and the resident cock-sucker."

I got right in his face, "Fuck you, Kevin. Say one more word about Cole, I dare you. You're always wondering why I don't spend time with you, but then you go and act like an asshole every chance you get." While I was yelling at Kevin his face was contorting into sadness. Apparently he's an emotional drunk.

I tried to soften the blow,"I'm sorry Kev, but we just don't have anything in common anymore. Some people just grow apart and that's what's happening to us." I tried to make a timely exit again but this time he pushed me into the couch more forcefully.

"No, you will sit here and listen to me. You're my best friend goddammit! No matter if you don't remember me or not. I remember you... I remember us and our friendship. We've been friends since we were 8 years old. I can't just let you get taken away...especially not by some gay whore who's turned you into a queer!" He got louder with each word that people were able to hear us over the music and most people were staring at us.

I knew he was drunk so I tried not to take his words too seriously, but I was still kinda pissed that he called Cole a whore and said that he turned me gay. I just didn't want to get into, yet another fight in a public place.

I brushed him off and said in a low voice that only he could hear, "You're drunk and I'm so fucking tired of fighting so I'm just going to leave this conversation and walk away before I get the urge to punch you in the fucking face. Good bye Kevin." Then I stood up from the couch.

Just as I was leaving I heard him yell, "Yeah, well fuck you too! You don't want me as an enemy Matt, trust me!"

I didn't even look back and just kept on walking.

I wasn't going to get sidetracked anymore, my mission was to find Cole and that's what I am going to do. The Kevin interaction was regrettable but it wasn't going to ruin my mood. By now the house was getting more packed with people and the music was getting louder and it was starting to become impossible to find anyone. I decided that if I was going to be at this god-forsaken party that I might as well get a little bit drunk to tolerate all the asshole douches all around me. So I went to the kitchen to get a drink and who do I happen to run into... Nathan.

He was currently smoking something with some edgy looking chick with pink hair. He had his arm wrapped around her like he knew her. I was a little shocked since I thought he was gay but he's always been a question mark to me anyways.

He looked up and stared right at me as he blew out a puff of smoke. Then he unwrapped himself from the girl next to him and without saying a word to her, he came towards me.

"Matthew, just the man I was looking for." Nathan said through a puff of smoke.

"You weren't looking for me. You were over there smoking."

"What, a guy can't smoke and look for someone at the same time? You look like you could use a drink." He turned around and got a drink off the counter that looked like it'd already been there for awhile. He pushed the drink towards me, "Here have a drink, you need it." He had a big grin on his face, it was almost sickening.

I looked down at the drink suspiciously, "Why are you offering me that drink?"

He got closer to me, "Because I heard you had a fight with Kevin and you seem stressed out. No one should ever be stressed out at a party, so drink up."

"Yeah, I guess that's true... wait, how did you know I fought with Kevin? That just happened and I was at the other side of the house."

He rolled his eyes impatiently, "Look I'm just very intuitive sometimes. You came in looking distressed. I took a guess. I could tell you just got into a fight and it was between Kevin, Ava, or Cole, so I just guessed Kevin. Because when you fight with Ava or Cole you seem even more...upset." Then he pushed the drink towards my face, "So drink up buddy. You need to get on my level!"

"I don't think anyone can ever get to your level." I took the drink from his hand so that he would stop waving it in my face. He smiled, annoyingly.

"Oh I meant to ask you, have you seen Cole?" I asked casually.

"Uh ah, I won't answer any questions until you drink that." He pointed to the drink again.

I looked at the drink in my hand, then I looked back at the crowds of people and considered how long it would take to find Cole on my own. Then I looked at Nathan and he was looking weirdly blissed out.

"Fuck it, I'm at a party." I quickly chugged the drink. Then I looked back up at Nathan and couldn't look more pleased if he tried. "Okay, I drank it."

Nathan turned back to that random chick he was smoking with, "He drank it." Then she looked shocked and impressed for some reason.

"Nathan!" He looked back at me expectantly, "Can you tell me where Cole is now?"

"Oh, he's in there somewhere." He gestured towards the rest of the house. Then he went back to smoking with that girl.

"You just pointed to the entire house!"

"Yeah, how am I supposed to know where he is in this goddamn house. What am I the all seeing eye. He's your boyfriend, you can go find him." He said irritably through then took another drag.

"Well what was the point of me drinking that stuff?!"

He laughed, "I just wanted to see if you'd do it."

"Thanks you're fucking useless as always." I muttered as I walked away.

I was starting to sweat and I wasn't sure why. It could be because I was walking through crowds of people in cramped spaces. Also it seemed like there was a layer of smoke permeating throughout the house and on top of all that it seemed that the drink was starting to kick in fast. There was a distinct warmness spreading through my entire body. Everything seemed hazier and slowed down, even though my heart was racing more than ever. I was starting to forget what I was looking for as I got into the thick of the crowd.

Then I felt two strong hands on my shoulders that pulled me out of the big crowd and into a smaller group of people. At first I thought maybe it was Cole so I turned around smiling only to be greeted by some guys from the football team. The only ones that I recognized were Kyle, Brandon, Blake and Anthony the one who's hosting this party.

They practically circled around me which seemed menacing at first then Kyle smiled and brought me in to a one-armed hug. "Hey Matt, what's with the face, we're not here to hurt you, relax." He smiled big at me with his arm still slung lazily around my shoulders and a drink in his other hand.

They all seemed a little more than buzzed and even Anthony was looking mellow and he never looks happy.

"Yeah dude, I'm sorry about the remark earlier I was just playing. You seemed to have lost your sense humor in that accident but we'll knock it back into you." He nudged me playfully then took a swig of his drink.

"Huh, yeah right. No worries," I remarked nervously. I still wasn't sure if they were going to try to attack me but I looked around and tried to assess my odds and it didn't seem good. Four big football players to my one, didn't seem like fair odds. When has my life ever been fair?

The biggest guy (who looked like a linebacker) came on the other side of me and looked at me with an unsteady gaze. "Yeah man, Ant's right, you used to be the guy always cracking jokes. You were like totally the funny guy on the team. It's a trip that you can't remember any of it man."

"Yeah, I'm sorry that I got into an accident and can't remember shit but that just seems to be my life now." I snipped.

Kyle cut in, "Well your sarcasm wasn't affected by the accident. You are more...what's the word, uptight."

Then Anthony looked at me pointedly, "We don't hear much from you anymore except for what Kevin mentions. So tell us, when are you coming back to the team?" He had a weird intensity to his eyes like he was sending me a secret message. I was just probably being paranoid though.

"Oh you didn't hear? After I got into that fight with Kevin the principal gave me a real shitty punishment. Basically I'm not allowed to attend any after school activities including sports games. So I don't know if I'll be going back to the field anytime soon."

"What fuck that!" the small one interjected, I think his name is Brandon. "That old bitch is always out to get us. Anytime she has the chance to punish one of us she takes it to a whole other level of crazy."

I didn't want to tell them that I was kinda glad I didn't have to go back to playing football so I just nodded in agreement.

"Well in all fairness you did beat up Kevin, who used to be your best friend." Anthony added.

Then they all got real quiet and awkward like they didn't know what to say. Luckily the big dude, Blake interjected. "You know what dude, that's okay. Anger can get the best of us sometimes. With the anger that you have now, we could've really used some of that out on the field. So it sucks that can't play." he patted my shoulder.

"Naw it's fine guys, but thanks for being so cool about everything. I kind of thought that you guys didn't like me anymore after the accident." I don't know why I confessed that. I didn't even know I felt that way until it came out. It must be the alcohol kicking in. It was also getting uncomfortably hot.

"Of course man, we're still your friends. We always will be cause we got that bond. We're a team aren't we!" Kyle yelled.

Then all the guys around me responded yelling out 'hell yeahs'. It was all very surreal, like I was in some cliche teen movie or something.

Then Blake said, "Let's do shots for old time's sake. You used to take them back like it was your job."

Then they all started chanting "Shots, shots, shots..."

"No, I don't think I should," I tried to yell over the chanting but it just got louder, "I already had a drink and it's messing with me." But they just continued to chant.

They already poured the shots of vodka on the table next to us. People were starting to crowd around us and were all saying, "shots, shots, shots,"

I was so overwhelmed and getting more disoriented by the second and I just wanted the chanting to stop so I picked up one of the shots and downed it. They kept going though so I ended up taking about 3 shots or so.

Everyone starting to go back to their respective groups and the music seemed to get even louder and the room seemed to get a lot darker. Everything was much more hazy as I moved through the crowds of people now dancing. People were grinding and basically dry humping each other. Which I guess that was their way of dancing now.

Either way it was intoxicating and I couldn't seem to pull myself away. I wasn't sure how long I was standing there but it was long enough that this girl (who was very scantily clad) was rubbing her whole body on me and it felt kind of good. I was getting into it, when suddenly the pressure and warmness of the girl left me. That's also when I realized I had my eyes closed for some reason. So I opened my eyes and Ava's standing in front of me, arms crossed, looking pissed. What's new.

"I'll tell you what's new, that skank you were dancing with," She said snippily.

I guess I'd said that out loud. But I was feeling tolerant so I indulged her, "Ava, babe... I mean baby...no I mean, what's going on?" I was trying to act casual but I was starting to get the real affects of those drinks and it was making me say the first things that came to mind.

She rolled her eyes, "Ugh, you're drunk."

"No, I'm not. I only had one drink. One strong ass drink but...yeah."

"Yeah right, I just saw you doing a bunch of shots over there."

Oh yeah, I already forgot about that, no wonder I was feeling hammered.

"So is she the one you were hooking up while you were still with me?"

I could tell this was about to get personal so I pulled her off to the side where it was less crowded and less loud. "Look Ava, I'm not sure what you're talking about but please don't make a scene."

She pushed me away from her, "Don't play, I just saw you grinding on that girl. So I'll ask again, is that the girl you cheated on me with."

"I never cheated on you. And I don't even know who that chick was." I thought that would clear up everything but she looked even more upset.

"So who was it then? Put me out of my misery cause I saw that hickey you had. Why can't you just tell me the truth?" She pleaded.

I'd never seen her so...human. "I-- um the person that I'm with... we are trying to keep it a secret. It wouldn't really be good if people knew we were together. It's not my idea though, I don't care if anyone knows but I have to... you know, respect their privacy." I was impressed at how well I said that cause I'm not sure how I'm saying anything right now.

Ava's expression changed from emotional to something more familiar. I couldn't really place her expression, but I could only describe it as scheming.

"So you admit that you were with someone?"

I felt like it was a trap but I didn't know how to get out of it. "I mean-- um, yeah I guess. Like, how else would I get the hickey on my neck. I couldn't do that by myself." I laughed or giggled, either way I wasn't sure why.

"Look Matt," she put hand on my face and brought my face down to focus on her, "I won't tell anyone who it is, but don't you think, as a courtesy to your ex-girlfriend, that you should just tell me."

She was right that is the least I could do. But then I thought about Cole and how he'd be pissed if I told anyone, especially Ava because he doesn't seem to like her. I was going to stick to my conviction and give her a firm 'No' but then she got really close in my space. For some reason, right now, I'm very hyper aware of anyone who is close to me.

She seemed almost electric when she touched me then she draped her arms around my neck and pulled me in, "Matt, believe it or not, I'm not the enemy, okay," I nodded because none of my other motor functions were working. "Now that we're not together anymore, you just seem so much more...hot."

Then she pulled my face close to hers and started kissing me passionately. I was taken aback at first but something felt oddly familiar about kissing her. Maybe it was the state that I was in but I just followed her lead and kissed her back. Then she went down and started kissing my neck and that felt way too familiar. Then I realized what she was doing.

I quickly pushed her off and she had the nerve to look insulted, "What?!" Ava yelled.

"Fuck you, you scheming little bitch! I may be drunk but I know what you're trying to do!" Now we were starting to draw more attention to ourselves but I didn't care, I had my adrenaline pumping.

"Yeah, I was just trying to kiss you, you psycho." she tried to lower her voice when she saw people start to look at us.

I pointed an accusatory finger at her, "No, no, you always have an ulterior motive. You knew exactly what you're doing. You were trying to give me a hickey so that I would look like I'm cheating on Co--" I caught myself before I said his name, but I could tell she caught something. "You were trying to make me look guilty."

She smirked, "You're such an idiot. You already cheated, we just made out and a lot of people saw. Soon enough your little 'girlfriend' will find out, then she'll know how I felt when you did the same thing to me," with that she started walking away.

I called out, "Ava!" she turned around, "You're a fucking cunt." I said with a genuine smile and gave her the finger. Some people started laughing. The look on her face was reward enough.

Then I started to panic as her words sunk in, you already cheated. Fuck. I did cheat on Cole and now I have to find him before he finds out on his own.

After the scene that I made with Ava, I immediately started looking for Cole again. I looked high and low and there was no sign of him. Just as I was about to go upstairs I heard someone say "Matt" and I turn around hopeful, thinking that it might be Cole, then I realize the voice was too high pitched and I knew it had to be a girl. Then I saw someone waving at me and it took me a second to realize who it was.

She came up to me with a big smile on her face, "It's me...Emma, remember."

For once, I was actually glad to run into someone at this party. Then I realized I needed to talk to someone and Emma is probably the best person for the job. So I got close to her, maybe a little too close, judging by the way she stepped back an inch and looked startled.

I took her hand and started pulling her towards a private area but she yanked me back, "Whoa Matt, you're a bit drunk aren't you,"she remarked with a cautious tone.

I knew it was pretty obvious so I just said, "Yeah, I am," and kept pulling her, "Come on."

She pulled back again, "You need to tell me what's going on."

Oh yeah, I didn't actually tell her why I was pulling her into a secluded area, this probably seemed very suggestive. "Oh, no... no it's not what you think." I started to lean on her because standing felt too difficult."I mean, I am drunk but I just need to talk to you because you-- you listen to me and you give me good advice and I obviously need a lot of help..."

I must have looked desperate enough because she now was pulling me, "Okay let's go."

We made our way through the crowd and found an area that was relatively private and semi-quiet. I sat down close enough to her that she could hear me but not too close that she would get the wrong idea.

She looked up at me and asked, "So what's the problem?"

"It's kinda big."

"Isn't it always with you," she remarked with a smirk.

"Hey this is serious. Oh shit, this is serious, " then I realized just how reckless I was and I started scrubbing my face with my hands in regret. She pulled me hands away and looked at me with pure concern on her face.

"What did you do?"

"Well... wait why do you think it's something I did." She gave me a pointed look so I just continued, "Okay, it was something I did. But not intentionally. Okay, so you know how I told you I was sort of seeing Cole." I whispered the last part bashfully.

She looked excited all of a sudden, "Oh yeah and I think it's wonderful. You guys make such a cute couple--" she was getting loud and a little too pitchy for my mood so I clamped a hand over her mouth to make her stop talking. In hindsight I probably shouldn't have done that because she ripped my hand away and gave me a mad look. I'll remember to never cut off a woman when she's talking, yikes.

"Sorry, anyways the real problem is Ava."

"Of course she is, now go on,"

"Well I did some regrettable things because I'm kind of... very drunk now and Ava saw me dancing with some chick. Then she starts badgering me about who I cheated on her with and she almost manipulated me into telling her then before I knew it we were kissing and she was trying to give me a hickey so that I would look guilty to Cole and now I'm scared that he's going to find out that I cheated on him and he might hate me forever." I said quickly then took a long breath.

She took a minute to process what I told her and then she had a scolding look on her face, "Matthew, I can't believe you would do that. What is your problem, you get some drinks in you and you think you can just hook up with whoever you want. Your a dog, you know that. Guys they're all the same."

"Okay calm down, I'm not using the alcohol as an excuse. It's just I was disoriented and she took advantage of my altered state and... I don't know I can't think of anything else but all I know is my life is constantly a fucking mess and somehow talking to you helps me solve my problems so please just..." she looked at me expectantly, "Please give me some advice Emma."

She looked like she wanted to protest but then she sighed and continued, "You know, everything in my womanly power is telling me to be mad at you but I can tell that you're really concerned. Also I'm going to help you because I'm flattered that out of everyone you came to me for help."

"Well you kind of came up to me and also I've kind of severed most of my friendships with everyone else so..."

"All the same, it's flattering let's not dwell on the details. But really what I think you should do is try to find Cole and explain what happened before he finds out on his own because trust me, he will be more mad if he finds out from someone else."

"That's your advice. Just tell him? I feel like that is probably the worst thing I could do. He'll hate me either way."

"Look Matt, he's going to find one way or another, why not tell it from your perspective in order to make yourself appear better." Then her face lit up with an idea, "Here take this, it'll give you the courage to tell him."

I looked at the drink in her hand with apprehension, "What is it exactly?"

"It's liquid courage, you're going to need it," she gestured towards something behind me. I turned and saw Cole coming towards us.

I turned back to Emma, instantly feeling nervous about Cole approaching so I took her drink and downed it hoping she was right and that it would make me more courageous. She smiled and walked back into the crowd as Cole came close.

As soon as he came close enough I could tell he seemed a little upset so I quickly grabbed his arm and pulled him. He instantly was protesting (probably out of confusion but maybe out of anger) and he started trying to pry his arm out of my grip. I held strong and basically pulled him up the stairs and into the first bedroom I could find (just in case he wanted to yell at me) at least we'd be in private.

I closed the door and took a deep breath before turning around and looking at him. And as expected he looked even more pissed and had his hands hips like an angry woman. The sight almost made me laugh.

"This is nothing to laugh about," Cole remarked.

I guess I did laugh out loud. I really need to get myself under control.

"Yeah-- yes, you're right Cole, baby..." I didn't know what I was saying but I was so nervous that I was just saying the first stuff that popped into my head. He didn't look impressed.

"Don't call me baby. First you leave me at party where I don't know anyone. This was my first party and I was counting on you to be there with me. Then you go and make out with your ex-girlfriend."

"Hey that's not fair. I didn't leave you, I was talking to Anthony, when I turned around you had disappeared. Also, I didn't make out with Ava... I just kissed her that's all."

I tried to step closer to him but he just backed away from me. "Is that supposed to make me feel any better?"

I was for him to say more or yell at me but instead I was met with stony silence and an angry, yet cute boy staring at me. How do I make this up to him?

I took some cautious steps towards him and he didn't move this time. "If you want I can kiss you a lot to make up for kissing her."

He rolled his eyes at me, "Ugh, you're an asshole..." Then he looked me up and down, "And you're drunk." He made a move to go towards the door so I quickly pulled him back in place and got on my knees.

"Cole I'm begging you, please don't leave here. Not like this," I was currently kneeling in front of him with my arms around his waist and looking up at him with pleading eyes.

"Matt," he sighed, "I can't keep having these fights with you."

"We've never had this fight before."

"You know what I mean. Our fights center around how you always revert back to your old habits when it's convenient for you and I always have to accept it. Well I'm done taking it. I don't care why you kissed her but you did and I can't ignore that. We're--"

"Don't say it! Don't say we're done Cole." I was getting frustrated and being on my knees wasn't helping so I stood up and got in his face. "I'm not reverting back to anything. What happened with Ava was a drunken mistake on my part and her half-baked plan to try and ruin my life further. But guess what I'm not interested in that bitch. Also, I just cursed out my best friend defending you for the millionenth time and I'm not saying it like it's a burden because it's not. If I had to I'd fight anyone I ever met in order to defend you. I don't care what I have to do to prove to you that I care deeply about you but I'll do anything. I just know that... I have to be with you because..."

I was starting to second guess my speech but when I looked up Cole was looking hopeful and he looked at me in a way that makes my insides go numb.

"Because I love you." I finished.

He looks down like he's thinking, then he looks back up with a smirk and his eyes wet, "Dammit, I try to hate you so much then you go and say shit like that. This is why I can never leave."

I wasn't sure what his mood was until he quickly came towards me and caught me by surprise by wrapping his arms around my neck and bringing me down into a kiss. Then the kiss became more intense and passionate. Then Cole wrapped his legs around my waist and I grabbed onto him.

In between kissing Cole mutters, "I hate you so much." But he said it in a way that sounded more like 'I love you', so I took that as all I needed.

I shuffled us towards the bed that was in the room then plopped him down (a bit rougher than I intended) I meant to lower him gently in a romantic way. Honestly, I was still kinda wasted from the alcohol so all my movements were more rough and hurried.

Cole didn't seem to mind though, he seemed like he was in the same mindset as me. Because as soon as I threw him down on the bed he pulled me down on top of him, wrapped his legs firmly around me, and started kissing and licking me everywhere that he could touch.

I didn't mind one bit, I was currently hellbent on sucking a hickey onto his neck. In my drunken state it seemed to be the most important thing, to claim him and show Ava... and everyone else.

While I was focusing on that I didn't even notice that Cole had taken off his shirt until my hand brushed against his bare nipple and I looked down at it transfixed. Then all I wanted to do was touch his nipple, then lick it, then have it in my mouth. So I did and he was squirming under me then he murmured, "Umnm take off your shirt," as he started pulling my shirt up. I happily obliged and whipped my shirt off in one move and then eagerly went back to feeling his body and kissing trails down his torso.

I started to unbutton and unzip his pants, then he put a hand on my shoulder, I stopped and looked at him thinking he wanted me to stop.

He just looked at me with glazed over eyes and said, "I'll do that myself, you just focus on taking off your pants."

I quickly agreed, slid to the side and wrestled with taking off my pants. By time my pants were off he was sitting on the bed in only his underwear looking at me expectantly.

I made a move to crawl back on top of him but he quickly pushed me back on the bed til I was laying on my back. Then he straddled my legs and put his hands on my chest to keep me there. He didn't realize that nothing would make me leave this moment.

He started kissing my chest and then looked up, "I'm going to take care of you," then he continued to kiss down my chest to my stomach and then stopped at the waistband of my underwear then he looked up again. "I'm gonna need these off." The second those words left his mouth I practically ripped my underwear off.

Then he kept teasing me and kissing my hipbone, then my thigh, then right above my crotch. I was moaning with anticipation then he did it. I couldn't believe it, without any warning he just started taking my dick into his mouth like he'd done it a hundred times. I almost wanted to ask if he had but the feeling was too good to talk.

The last thing I remember is my eyes rolling to the back of my head in pleasure and Cole's beautiful blue eyes looking up at me.

The next thing I know I'm startled awake by someone yelling, "What the fuck! Get the hell out of my house!"

My eyes snapped open to see Anthony Delvine in the doorway looking pissed off. I quickly realized that I was laying in an unfamiliar bed, then I looked down and noticed that I was naked so I covered myself with the sheets but someone was on top of them. I was still disoriented but when I looked over at the person to my left it sobered me up immediately.

Ava was laying next to me with her top off and her short skirt askew. Instantly my heart sunk, I couldn't believe it. I didn't have much time to think about it before Anthony was yelling again, "Hey, did you not here me party's over. This ain't a fucking motel, get the hell outta my room before I call the cops. Move!" he clapped to get us moving.

By now Ava had woken up and she looked a little embarrassed when she noticed Anthony in the doorway, "Geez Anthony, can you give us a little privacy." she squealed as she found her top and put it on.

Anthony looked apprehensive but then left. I looked at her suspiciously as I was putting on my pants. "Did we actually do anything?" I asked.

She looked up at me as she slipped her underwear on under her skirt. "Really? You're naked in bed and you're really asking me that?"

"Fuck you Ava, you're just bluffing. I would remember if we did something and I know I was drunk but..."

She sauntered up to me and looked me up and down like a predator, "Relax baby, it's not like we haven't had sex before." She kissed me on the cheek then went to the door but stopped and turned, "Oh by the way we have company." She pointed to the bed then walked out the room.

I looked behind me and in the bed was another person that I didn't even notice but they were completely covered by the sheets. I was still really freaked out about waking up with Ava so I cautiously walked towards the bed and pulled the covers off the person. To my relief and confusion it was Cole. He was laying face down on the bed naked. But now I'm even more confused. I was in bed with Ava and Cole?

I shook him awake. At first he looked disoriented then he looked up at me and kind of half smiled, "Hey," he murmured. What baffled me even more was that he seemed so calm about the whole thing. I was stunned into silence as I watched him get dressed then once he's finished he walked over to me and looked concerned.

"Are you okay?" he asks quietly.

I run my hand over my face just to make sure I was actually awake then I nodded my head, "Yeah... um yeah, I'm okay we just need to leave Anthony seemed pretty pissed off that we were in his room."

Cole looked around then he laughed, "I can't believe we were in his room. I didn't even realize." He looked around then back at me. He pecked me on the lips then pulled me towards the door, "Let's go."

We scurried through the messy house and out the front door. I was surprised that it was still dark outside. I looked at my phone and the time read 3:12 am. I also saw some texts and missed calls from Nathan but I ignored that and turned to Cole.

"How the hell were you so calm about this?" I asked him blatantly.

"What do you mean?" he looked totally perplexed.

"In there, the bedroom when we both woke up naked in bed. You acted like it was the most normal thing, like what happened?"

He started to look scared, "I mean I know we haven't done that before but it's not weird. You do remember what happened, right?"

I looked at him with wide eyes, "No, I don't fucking remember what happened. I just wake up and I'm naked in a bed next to you whose naked and oh, on the other side of me is Ava half naked in the bed as well. And I don't remember a fucking thing then you go and act like everything is normal."

Now his eyes were as wide as mine felt, "What are you talking about? Ava wasn't there. You really don't remember anything?" He looked down in disbelief.

"No, I don't remember much of what happened tonight. All I know is when I woke up Anthony yelling at us to get out, I'm naked, Ava's putting back on her clothes and you're in the bed naked as well. So since I don't remember what happened how about you enlighten me. Did we have like a threesome with her or something?"

He took a step back away from me, "You've got to be joking. Ava was not there."

"Yes she was, she left before you woke up and she basically said that we... uh that me and her had sex."

He was shaking his head then looked up at me with the angriest eyes, "I should've left when I had the chance. I should've left before you could hurt me again. I knew it."

"Cole calm down, just tell me what you know and we can figure this out together."

"Together?" He looked up at me with glistening bloodshot eyes. "That's the problem, whenever we're together. I'll tell you what happened. We went to the party, you got wasted, you kissed Ava, then you apologized profusely to me. I believed it and fell for you again because I'm an idiot apparently. Then we had sex, Matt. You hear that, me and you had sex. And when I fell asleep Ava was not in that room so I don't know when you and her had a chance to fuck but I certainly have no memory of that and I was in the goddamn room!"

I felt sick. How could I fuck up so badly again. Cole looked livid and I could tell this was it, this was the last straw.

He looked up at me as he wiped his eyes frustrated, "Oh by the way, in case you didn't remember. You said you loved me."

I just looked at him stunned, unable to think quickly enough to say anything. He whimpered a bit like he was holding in tears then he just took off and left me standing there.

I couldn't even comprehend all the stuff that just happened and all the things I couldn't remember. I just sat down on the wet grass and started contemplating my fucked up life.

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Starting Over

by Tony A

Chapter 13