When Shadows Pass

by Sean English

Chapter 15

The World According to the Candy Man (Part III)

"I couldn't believe Elliot asked him straight-out like that! And then, when Sean answered, it was like, whoa! I think that's like, between 10 and 11 inches, isn't it? That's … that's huge! Right?" Jason exclaimed quietly.

All three were together atop Derek's bed, chatting about the events of that day. They talked endlessly about the game, the showers afterwards, and the newfound respect Jason had gained for all the team players, even the pizza palace. Simon and Natalie had found the boys afterwards, and they had decided to try out a new pizza buffet that had opened on Gunwharf Bay. Upon arriving, they were surprised to find several others on the team also there with their families. Joining the group, it made the party all the merrier.

When they left, the Flavells and Jason walked around the various paths along the wharf. They enjoyed each other's company for a while, until the chilly air had become too much for Natalie's taste. Returning home, she made both Elliot and Jason get a shower. The rain that morning still matted their hair, and although dry, their clothes had clung to them thickly. Each took their turns separately, and upon finishing, gathered upstairs in Derek's room. Of course, the conversation had eventually turned to some of the teens they got to view in the buff, and Elliot finally told his big brother about Sean coming and sitting with them. Derek cracked up over the totally personal question his brother had asked, but upon hearing Sean's response, he fell back and shook his head.

"Yeah, it is. I know, and to beat all, Sean is not really built that big. Physically, I mean. He's tall I know, but if you want to go by size, look at Michael Lawson. I would figure him to have the biggest dick in the group, really. He's one of the largest guys on the team, right?" Derek shrugged. "He isn't, though - not by a long shot. His is about the same as mine. Either way, I don't think tall necessarily means big, as in down there. I've seen other really, like, tall guys before, but their plumbing was nothing like Sean's. He's just, uh, gifted, I guess."

Jason wrinkled his nose. "Yeah. When he sat down with us though, he was cool about it. I mean, he didn't have anything different, just… you know…"

Derek smirked, but then nodded. "I've seen him boned up, too," he admitted, startling Elliot. Derek nodded at his younger brother's questioning look. "Sean has got one hell of a thruster, trust me. Him coming to you guys like that though, afterwards? Wow! I have to say, I honestly didn't think even HE was that free-spirited! Most days when he showers, he gets in a hurry, just so he can get done and out. He's obviously not one of those you would call shy. Not exactly anyway. He's been in the showers plenty of times, sometimes even sharing one of my streams. He's never one to stick around though, and mingle with the guys either."

Elliot agreed. "You should have heard him, though. Like Jase said, he was really cool about everything. He just sat there with us, naked and everything, and… and we talked. Just regular guy talk. He did that with us, even though we're younger and everything."

"Yeah," Jason agreed. "He sat with us, and I was like, wow! Then he got up and hiked a foot on the bench and..." Jason paused, raising his hand inches in front of his face. "You know, everything was like, here - right in front of us, up close!" He grinned again before shaking his head. "It was just, he was casual about it all, like he didn't care. You know? I don't think, I don't know… it's just awesome to me how anyone could do that, like, right in front of you and everything, and not care."

"I don't think that was odd," Derek commented. "I mean, you've never been around stuff like me and Elliot, so I can understand it would surprise you and everything. But I'm telling you, Jason – guys here are not like guys in America. I know this much about Sean, too: he has two younger brothers, I think about 12 and 13. He's close with them, about as close as I am with you two. So, he's probably used to it." Derek scratched his nose before continuing. "Not everyone is as open about this stuff, but a lot of us are. I'll tell you two something else, too. Some of the guys talked about you today, in a good way. They thought you were cool, too – especially you Jason, to be a Yank that is! You understand that, right?" Seeing Jason's curiosity, he explained. "Seriously, they didn't think of you like a prude, or a perv or anything. They knew who you were, and they had heard about you all around school this week, I think. And that's the point, really: they KNEW you, Jason. They got to know you even better while you were there, watching the game and getting excited with us and all. You were having a kick-arse time, and they thought it was awesome. I mean, seriously, we all watched you. You weren't putting on a show or faking anything. Neither was runt here. We could all see it, but more than that, we could feel it. You got as big a kick out of the whole game as the rest of us do, and that meant something to them!"

Jason blushed, clearly embarrassed. "Did I really get that wound up? I mean, I wasn't trying to, you know, impress anyone. I just, well..."

"Exactly! That's what I'm talking about, see? They could tell you weren't trying to fake it. They accepted you for being you, and guess what? I think in their own way, the guys kind of adopted you. Not much different than they did with Elliot when he started going to some of my games. See? You were more than just the new kid today, more than just someone hanging out with them and everything. It was like, you became one of us." Derek sat back against the headboard. "That's why you got into the locker room so easy. They thought you were cool enough to hang out in there with us, even though they were going to skin and everything. And trust me, they knew what they were doing. That may be why Sean was okay around you guys, too." He smiled as he finished that, and then added his own opinion. "I hope you know, hope you understand, that all goes for me, too. Right?"

Jason blushed again. "I don't know, maybe. I just - well, okay, it was all good. Except for when I first collided with Sean. I know, you guys warned me and everything, but... It stopped me straight up, like... like..." he mumbled, which made Elliot giggle. Derek grinned, but then shook his head.

"Meh, I wouldn't think too much on it, really. You said Sean told you he knows he's, uh, 'different' down there to most peeps. So, my guess is he probably got a kick out of seeing you so surprised and everything. If you think about it, he probably doesn't mind being all attention sometimes. If anyone else noticed you staring like that, I doubt they thought anything of it. I mean, at one time or another, all the guys have stopped and gawked at him. Heck, I've even done it a few times. Especially when he's been under the showerhead with me. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he's a showboat or anything, but yeah… he's… damn!"

That caused a chorus of giggles amongst them. "Yeah, but Derek, you're on the team and everything," Elliot chimed in.

Derek scoffed at his little brother. "So? Okay, I know what you're saying." Derek smiled at Jason again. "I mean it, though. I think you won their hearts over, and you didn't even realize you did it. And by the way..." He turned towards Elliot. "It wasn't all just about Jason today, either. It goes for you, too. A lot of them were glad to see Eric hadn't pulverized you too bad."

Elliot grimaced. "Well, they couldn't see the bruises on my legs and everywhere else."

"Maybe so, but compared to 4 days ago, you're walking without a limp or anything now, so we know you're better at least," Derek remarked. "Oh, and that one guy, Brian something? Remember when he was whispering to me on his way out? He said that I should get you to come around more often - as long as you can keep your banana in your pants!"

"Oh - SHIT!" Elliot hissed and fell backwards. He pulled his brother's pillow over and covered his face. "Was I THAT obvious?"

Derek laughed. "No, I'm just messing with you. Actually, believe it or not, he DID say you should come around more often. Even mentioned you looked kind of cute for a little bugger. I guess he has something going for you, who knows."

Elliot brought his head out from under the pillow to look at his brother. He didn't know whether to beat him senseless, or to blush at the thought of being cute. "You're shitting me, right?" he whispered. Derek laughed again, but this time shook his head.

"Nope, he actually said that. Not sure what it means in the long term, though. Being big as he is, he's one of those who has a pretty fat cock. I would think you might be a little tight and all for him, but oh well." Derek looked slyly at Elliot. "Like I've said before, you got no arse worth anything special to me." With that he had to duck and begin defending himself from the onslaught. Elliot had sprung up and engaged his brother in full force with the pillow.

After a few minutes they settled down, laughing aloud. Jason surprised them with a comment. "I admit, I don't know anything about what is supposed to make an ass cute, but uh... I think Elliot's is as cool as anyone else." Elliot bolted up straight in astonishment just then, but quickly jumped over and gave his newfound cousin an energetic hug. "THANK YOU!" he exclaimed, while sticking his tongue out at his brother, causing Derek to laugh again.

The older teen watched them both, however, with a melancholy expression. After a moment, he cleared his throat. "Uh, Jason, did you mean what you just said? About not understanding what makes an arse cute and all?"

Jason turned so he could face the older teen, while Elliot flipped crosswise into Jason's lap. Jason thought about it for a few seconds, but then shrugged. "I guess so. I mean, well... yeah. A butt is a butt is a butt, right?"

Derek smiled at him and nodded. "For the most part, yeah. But... sorry mate, I have to ask this… You do know, right? What gay people do and everything, right?"

Elliot was on instant alert. He tensed up, frantically searching for a way to warn his brother not to go there, but Jason felt the change. He gently squeezed him and smiled before addressing Derek again. "Yeah, I know. It's how they do IT. Trust me, I know about IT just fine."

Derek watched the exchange and then felt guilty. "I'm sorry, squeaker. Honest, I didn't mean to kill this any. It's just, the way you said that and all - I wasn't sure, and…"

"Don't be sorry, okay?" Jason interjected softly. "Listen, it's fine, guys. Honest, I admit I don't know about a lot of things, or … uh, at least I didn't until recently," he added, giving Elliot one of his sly looks. "But at the same time, I probably know more than I want to sometimes too. You know?"

Derek searched the expression hard, before sitting up and pulling Jason over for a quick hug. "That's twice I've put my foot in my mouth, isn't it? And then, I let you down. I'm sorry though. Just forgive me, okay? I'll stop trying to..." He paused as Jason squeezed him back.

"Stop trying to be a big brother?" Jason asked, finishing the thought for him. He pulled back and looked at the older teen hard. "If you do that, I may never speak to you again. You understand THAT, right?" Derek smiled and nodded, so Jason continued. "I trust you, both of you. And the last time I checked, 'BOTH' meant you and Elliot, too. I'm not worried about it guys, honest. Okay?"

Even Elliot was surprised. Still laying between them in Jason's lap, he spoke up. "Okay bro, okay."

Derek smiled. "Thanks squeaker." He wrinkled his nose. "Okay, before you two head off into fantasy land, can I ask you one more thing?"

"Sure," Jason readily replied.

"So, today was your first. What did you think? See plenty enough of us?" Derek asked.

Jason grinned, pausing to thinking about it. "I still think your sausage is the best one I've seen, for guys your age." He dodged the pillow Derek threw at him.

"Dope, I'm probably the only one you got to get up close to. Besides Sean's, that is!" Derek grinned, but then lowered his voice. "Well?" Elliot also was keen to hear.

Jason smiled. "It was pretty awesome, really. I mean, it wasn't as bad as I was afraid it might be, the way you kept warning me and everything. The guys – they didn't care. They knew I was there, like you said, and they didn't seem to care. And seeing everything? Oh wow… all of you guys really are different than… than me." He blushed, but Elliot giggled.

"See? I told you!" Elliot whispered.

"Okay, I guess I might have overdone it," Derek admitted. "About warning you, I mean. I'm sorry, but… I just didn't want you to be disappointed if things didn't turn out like they did." Derek paused, before grunting. "And besides, that was just me and MY mates. Wait till you get with mates your own age. Oh, and wait until you get out there in the middle with them. It's a whole different experience."

"Really? Better? Or…?"

Elliot spoke up. "I think it's just because the guys will be so much more like us, and you'll be closer to them and all. You know, peeps our age don't always have as many pubes or muscles and all that." Derek nodded in agreement.

Jason became thoughtful. "I can see that, I guess. But…"

"But, what?" Derek asked.

"Well, what if… I mean, okay. I know I've mentioned this before, but… How do you keep from, you know, getting boners and everything? Except for that one guy, none of you were like that at all today!" Jason exclaimed softly.

Derek leaned back again with a knowing expression. "Meh, it's nothing to worry about. Like I told you the other night, everyone gets them, honest." He glanced at his brother. "Was it Kelly?" Elliot nodded, so Derek smiled. "Kelly ALWAYS gets wood, no matter what. Every time we're in the showers, his dick is always hard and sticking out. He's the shortest player we have, but he's also one of the fastest runners we've got! No idea why he gets that way, though. If you ask him, he just says his willy has a mind of its own. Everyone just laughs it off, though."

"But…" Jason started, before falling silent.

"No buts, Jason. Listen, when you get to your gym showers and stuff," Derek explained, "you'll find lots of guys get wood. I think the older we get, it just doesn't faze us as much, you know? But lots of guys do, and no one thinks bad of it. If you do, just smile and let it be. Remember, guys may see you, but you'll see all of them, too. And if that makes you spring a woody, then meh, so what."

"They won't think I'm gay or anything?" Jason asked.

"Nah. Trust me, Jase," Elliot spoke up. "I got hard LOTS of times, and I still do sometimes. When I do, yeah, the guys see me and grin and everything, but no one thinks like that. They might tease me, but I don't care."

"He's right," Derek interjected. "Being gay is a lifestyle thing, and that's totally different than getting naked with a bunch of guys in the showers. We've both told you before, it's different here than it is in the States. Peeps don't care so much and all." He gave his cousin a sly look. "Now, if you go over and grab them, or try to slap their bare butts, or go down on them, or play your thing between their butts and all…"

"Okay, okay – I get it!" Jason exclaimed. All three laughed, and then Jason looked at Derek in a new light. "Can I ask you one more thing, then?"

"Sure, squeaker," he responded.

"You… you know when Elliot and me are around you, or watching you and everything. And you, well… you skin and show and everything, or whatever you want to call it." He saw Derek nod, so he went on. "And you let me see you, and even touch you and stuff. But it doesn't bother you any, right? How come?"

Derek leaned forward and smiled sincerely. "Just because."

"But… why? Am I like…" Jason giggled. "Am I like some prude you're converting, or something you just like teasing, or…?"

Derek shook his head. "Don't you know? Haven't you connected the dots yet?"

Jason thought long and hard about it, but then it dawned on him. He sat up, and even with Elliot still half in his lap, Jason reached out and grasped the older boy, tugging him with all his might. Derek was pulled into one of the warmest embraces he had experience in a while. "I love you, too, and I trust you, with all my heart," Jason whispered into Derek's ear.

"Bingo!" Derek whispered back. The older teen glanced down at his little brother, who was not only smiling, but wiping away a tear running down his cheek.

Later that evening, both Jason and Elliot were watching a movie using Simon's tablet. It was something of a rare treat, as the man rarely let anyone have access to his personal electronic devices. It seemed, however, a friend of his had passed him a copy of the Avenger's movie, so both boys lay on their stomachs, side-by-side, enjoying the movie. They were also enjoying, once again, that level of closeness and warmth that each brought to the other. Since the night Jason had finally broken down and given in, the two had begun sharing more of the little things in life. Things that made up special moments like this, such as their feet rubbing against the other, or one becoming a prop for the other to lean up against. It was special for Jason, because Elliot had done so much to bring him so far. More than ever before, he felt wanted and welcomed now. Though in a different way, even Derek was now jumping in with the two. Derek may not understand everything going on in Jason's life, but he seemed sincere, and that was proving itself more every day. He had already proved himself just by being there when Elliot wasn't around. That was what brothers did, at least in this family.

Jason thought about the meaning of family life. Before his father's death, the two had enjoyed many evenings where they just watched TV or did some reading. Rarely did they play games or get involved with one another directly. Be it a network show, or baseball game, or something similar, they passed a lot of their time away like that. Baseball was something Jason never found that interesting, but he knew his father loved watching and keeping up with it. So, sometimes he made the effort at least to join in. He might stretch out on the sofa, with a good book to read, but at least he was in the same room, looking up and hearing the game as it unfolded. Although it didn't serve a lot of benefit for himself, it seemed to satisfy his father.

Jason's father was a funny sort. He never encouraged physical contact, or expressions of emotions unbefitting, he thought. He didn't frown on them so much, especially in Jason's presence, but Jason could tell there was a hesitation in the man. There were a lot of things he never encouraged Jason to do, such as school clubs, sports or events that took him away from their safety and the solitude of home. A lot of reasons probably were caused by his father's inability to be very mobile. That dictated much of their lifestyle. Jason didn't mind it too badly, thinking back over those years. He did not regret, or have any animosity over, that way of life. It was what it was, nothing more.

In terms of sport, however, what happened that day opened Jason's eyes to something else entirely. Being with Derek and his teammates, had turned Jason's opinions about the sport, in general, completely around. He wondered about how something as simple as the game, brought out so much excitement in someone. Being there, in the stadium, learning and cheering with the rest of the team – all of it had opened his eyes to yet another new world. It was a little thing - but being in THIS family seemed to open his eyes to a lot of little things. The adventure was real.

His thoughts turned to Elliot again, however. At that moment, his cousin was propped onto Jason's side, watching the screen over his shoulder. There was an affection that went along with the trust in doing that. They lay in their briefs and t-shirt, like so many times before, covered by a single blanket to ward off the coolness of the room. It was a tranquil moment, one he couldn't help but face with happiness. These people – Elliot, Derek, their parents – meant everything to him. As he rolled onto his side, Jason watched his cousin, seeing the telltale signs of the movie ending. When Elliot looked down at him with a wistful smile, Jason raised his head up and nuzzled their noses together.

"I like that," Elliot whispered. "A lot," he added, then returned the gesture. Afterwards he pulled back, relaxing. "So, did you really mean what you said, about my butt being cool?"

In response, Jason snorted and threaded his arms around his cousin. Somehow, he knew that question was going to come up at some point. He just hadn't expected it to come up now. Fortunately, Jason had already worked out part of his answer. "I don't know, let's find out," he whispered. He then pushed Elliot off and hopped up onto his knees. Swinging around into a sitting position, Jason scooted close, moving so quickly Elliot really didn't have time to process what was happening.

Jason took full command of the moment, as he tugged and moved Elliot to lay face down on his stomach. Without preamble, he raised the back of Elliot's shirt up to his shoulders, taking time to be careful with the bruises that were still there. He briefly noted that most, along the sides and back, were disappearing quickly now, some almost non-visible. 'Cool!' he thought to himself.

Jason stopped to observe, not so much as in a sexual way, but instead with curiosity, at all the curves before him. Elliot's shoulder blades, and other parts of the body, just seamlessly fitted together. Everything shaped downward into the small of his back, which did seem interesting - but why, Jason was unsure. The bed's lamp illuminated everything just fine, given their location and position, and Jason noted one last time how smoothly everything met his touch. Elliot's skin was completely fair, with only a few freckles scattered about.

Elliot started to roll back and say something, but Jason caught him. "Stay!" he commanded softly, definitely in full control of the moment. Elliot complied, bringing his hands up under his chin to rest, and wait. Jason reached out with both hands and began to massage the shoulders and upper back. He moved in slow, even circles with his touch, pushing and prodding and ... feeling. Once again there was a warmness that enveloped him as he felt Elliot relax. He could feel life in everything he touched beneath his fingertips. Each breath his friend took connected with his own, and they almost matched as one.

Jason then slowly progressed his way down Elliot's back, traveling further south starting with the shoulder blades. He gingerly explored the rib cage, noting how it wrapped around and curved into each side. He used care not to tickle his buddy, as Jason didn't want the mood to change. This moment was meant to be just the two of them again, being themselves. He was encouraged when he saw Elliot close his eyes and breathe deeply again. So much so that Jason opened the palm of his hands, and touched Elliot in complete contact, rubbing and feeling his way around even more.

Elliot must have been in total bliss. He whispered a single, barely audible word: "Wow..."

Jason smiled and eventually dropped his fingers to the waistband there. He knew Elliot was ready for him now, to do what he wanted, as he had ever been before. Taking the time to hook his fingers inside, Jason grabbed Elliot's briefs and pulled them downward, exposing his backside completely. Jason did not stop there, however. He tugged and encouraged Elliot to roll toward him. From that vantage point, he moved a hand into the front of the garment, pulling out and down. He both saw and felt the effect that moment created, because Elliot had a full hard-on erection throbbing underneath. Jason was pleased, and he exercised care so as not to snag it. After cupping it momentarily, he moved his hand onto his cousin's hip, freeing the garment completely in front before gently returning Elliot to his stomach again. Once there, Jason totally removed the briefs, leaving his best friend practically naked beneath him. With a smile, Jason observed the view before him, thinking it was still just as interesting as it ever had been. Only now, maybe it was for different reasons.

At first, Jason played, using his fingertips to stroke low and soft in the small of Elliot's back. He prodded tenderly at the top of the cleft that began there, before eventually bringing both hands into play and grasping both sides. He began kneading, massaging each orb all around, pushing them together at times, and separating them at others. Once he spread the cheeks wide, revealing the rosebud that hid inside the canyon, but, after studying it briefly, he then let go. Insofar as butts go, Jason sort of smirked to himself. He still didn't see what all the fuss was about, but he knew. Derek's remark stood at the forefront of his thoughts. He really did know there was something there, something that allured certain people in certain ways, whether boy or girl. He recalled how guys always would talk about girls' butts, like getting a 'piece of that ass' or something similar. He always considered it to be nothing more than just playful banter, at least until he had his own sordid experience. 'No!', Jason thought to himself - he stopped that line of thinking before it got started. He didn't want to go there. Not now, not while he was here with Elliot. Jason relished once again that feeling of closeness and complete trust his cousin gave him beneath his fingertips.

Jason lightly ran his fingers down the middle of the crack, trying to feel the curves underneath. He saw Elliot clench up at times, which made Jason smile and repeat the ticklish action again. He was 'exploring', but knew it was much more than that, too. It was weird, but... it was also cool.

Jason finally let his fingers settle at the bottom, where everything from the thighs to the buttocks and back, came together. He mischievously probed between his cousin's legs there, knowing what lay within his reach. Elliot grunted and responded by spreading his legs more, giving Jason more access if he wanted it. Jason took advantage of it, gently reaching underneath and feeling the back of his friend's testicles nestled underneath, before he cupped them. He held them for but a moment, his fingertips subtly brushing Elliot's pubic hairs and the hardened shaft below. It was like a warm, spongy piece of solid steel, radiating a heat to the touch. Curiously, as it throbbed, Jason saw Elliot's butt clench in tandem.

Jason was committed to the moment now. Playfully, he retrieved his hand and pulled the two butt cheeks apart, seeing the rosebud hidden within, before shaking his head and letting go. He then lightly pinched the skin, which made Elliot snort. Leaning down, Jason carefully whispered into Elliot's ear. "Yes, it's still cute, for a butt anyway." Elliot smiled at him, his eyes still closed. Afterwards, Jason grasped his cousin by the side of his hip and tugged on him to roll over. Elliot understood the message and obliged, but not before letting out a deep sigh. He rolled over and resettled himself on his back, fully exposing his groin to Jason's view. Jason grasped the hard shaft pointing towards him, and again Elliot involuntarily throbbed while moaning. Jason loved it, loved the trust that was theirs, and loved being able to play once again with something so private to this person. He gently pulled the skin back again, still finding how it worked to be fascinating. In some ways it was nothing different to his own, but at the same time Jason thought it was different because it belonged to someone else. He gently pulled Elliot's skin back, exposing the slick purplish helmet underneath, before slowly letting the skin roll back. Jason repeated his play slowly but avoided touching the sensitive area that peeked out at him. Then without preamble, he made his decision. Jason had been then thinking long and hard about this moment all day long. He was afraid if he dwelled on it too long, he might lose the battle and chicken-out. Pulling the skin back once again, as the glistening tip peeked out, he leaned down and took the throbbing member gently in his mouth.

You would have thought something had electrocuted Elliot, the way he tensed up and shuddered, before crying out, "Oh, shit!" The sensation seemed, and was, different as he glanced at Jason before falling back and shutting his eyes tight. At first, Jason just held the flesh, gently suckling it and testing it out, before slowly letting his tongue take a tentative taste. Not finding it gross, he then let the cock fill him all the way inside. Creating a firmer grip, Jason hesitated as he could smell Elliot's scent, an odor not exactly musky, but ... different. He could taste it as he began experimenting, and again it was far from displeasing. Encouraged, he began moving up and down in slow motions at first, sucking harder. He took care not to use his teeth, something he absently noted when first Elliot and then Derek had went down on him. As he progressed, he took the base of Elliot's engorged member into his hand, palming and cupping the tender nuts underneath. Jason's other hand moved up to play around Elliot's navel, brushing through the light hairs leading down into his cousin's pubic bush. Those were the hairs that were so soft and silky, and totally unlike hair found anywhere else on Elliot's body.

Breathing hard, Elliot struggled to keep control of himself. He moaned repeatedly, thoroughly getting into the rhythm. Too soon, Elliot started approaching his climax, but he was afraid. Although Derek had sucked him off before, had gone down on him, his brother had never done it like this. Jason might be a newcomer to this, but his cousin was giving him a whole new run, with attention and sensations that were overpowering him rapidly. He cried out as softly as he could. "You better pull off Jase, I'm gonna... I mean, I'm gonna cum..." he warned. Jason ignored him, however, other than to move his free hand up and cover Elliot's mouth briefly, silencing him. Jason had no intention of honoring his request. Twice now, he had watched the brothers go all the way at this point, Elliot first swallowing Jason's jizz, and then Derek taking all of Elliot's. Both times they seemed to think nothing of it, without caring. Jason recalled even getting a faint taste of himself that one night, while he and Elliot had kissed so passionately. It didn't gross him out then, and he was sure it wasn't going to do so now. He was determined, this night, that he was going to go all the way, too.

In answer, he speeded up his actions, gripping Elliot's base harder. Suckling up and down his friend's shaft, he not only tried to please Elliot, but he found a certain pleasure for himself in it, too. What he was doing was… fun! It did not take long, because the effort paid off and Jason was quickly rewarded. Elliot had suddenly stiffened and stretched hard, something Jason could easily recognize, from the previous times he had wanked his cousin. Elliot sucked in his gut, and the end of his toes curled. It was a physical reaction, and as the crescendo peaked, Jason clamped down securely.

Elliot gasped aloud as several waves of semen erupted. Jason, on the receiving end, kept sucking gently, but allowed himself to slow down and move out to just the head. There he used his tongue, like what he seen Derek do, teasing Elliot right on the tip of his glans. Wanting to coax as much of the nectar as he could, he let Elliot feel every bit of it. As the waves subsided, Elliot continued to dribble several smaller spurts toward the finishing line. The creamy spooge fed the ecstasy of the moment for them both. Jason had already swallowed once, savoring the strange but semi-sweet and nutty taste that swathed him. Near the end, however, he kept one last little bit on the tip of his tongue, saving it as Elliot finished.

Jason finally pulled free, letting the hardened member slip from beneath his lips. He looked up to see two eyes staring back at him fully, wide with wonder. There was an expression of compassion there, causing Jason to smile in return. Choosing that moment, he crawled up beside Elliot and kissed him, deeply, passing that part of the liquid treasure onto Elliot's tongue. Elliot immediately grasped Jason gently behind his head and pulled him tight. He was surprised to find the treat, but as he lapped it up, they both played tonsil hockey for the longest time. Elliot sought out any remaining remnants of himself, and Jason let him have complete access. So perfect were they both feeling just then, Jason sighed in contentment. Elliot guided his cousin to lie back while he moved on top of him. Hugging the youth's sides tightly, he gave way to the caressing touch Jason was giving him all the way up and down his back. "Oh God, that feels so good," he whispered.

Elliot eventually moved so he could lie his head on Jason's chest. Not content however, he quickly removed the t-shirt separating them before returning to the bare skin he sought. He could feel the heartbeat then, and he stopped to listen keenly. Jason closed his eyes, a pleased expression on his face, as he alternately ran his fingers through Elliot's hair. More than once, he hugged him in his grasp as they lay in silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

Elliot finally brought his arms up and crossed them underneath, settling his chin safely in place. Staring deeply into the eyes that met his own, he whispered, "Wow!"

"Well, that was fun!" Jason touched the tip of Elliot's nose with his finger. "So, um, be honest - was it okay?"

Elliot opened his mouth not once, but twice. However, no words escaped him as he lay there in awe. He finally gave a big sigh and just grinned, a state of happiness enveloping him. What Elliot was feeling inside had no description, and he wasn't going to try and articulate it. When he finally did speak, the words he whispered were simple, and spoken from his heart. "You know I love you, right?"

Jason nodded. "I'm beginning to get the idea, yeah..." he teased, but Elliot didn't take the bait.

"I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I'm sorry I was ever afraid I would lose you," Elliot whispered back.

Jason hugged him again. "How can you lose someone like me, who thinks you're the only reason I'm still alive?" He tried again to lighten the mood. "By the way, I still don't know about what makes a butt look cute. But I will admit, they do FEEL, uh... interesting, and kind of cool." To emphasize his point, Jason moved his hands down and cupped Elliot's buttocks on each side, squeezing them gently. Afterwards, he shifted underneath and wrapped his legs around his cousin.

Elliot scoffed, hiding his eyes. Jason thought he even detected his cousin blushing. "Okay, I'm missing something I guess," Jason stated simply. Elliot looked back up with an amused expression.

"Nah, not really. For some reason, girls like to check out guys by looking at their arse. Personally, I'd think their dicks would be more interesting, but yeah, whatever. And guys, well... if they're gay they..." Elliot hesitated, thinking ahead. Unsure, he quickly stopped that line of thought. "Well, guys just tease, that's all."

Jason knew better, though. "Don't El, don't shut me down that way. I mean, I might be stupid or ignorant about some things, but I'm not dumb, okay? I know that gay people butt-fuck all the time. I get it, honest. And yeah, I know that's what happened to me. Still, that doesn't mean you have to be afraid of bringing that stuff up. Besides, remember what you told me? You said I could ask you about anything, and you can do the same to me. If I can't trust you, especially in here, then something is wrong with us. Right?"

Elliot settled his chin slowly back onto his arms. Laying on Jason's chest, watching and breathing him in, he couldn't be happier than what he felt now. "Really?" Elliot whispered. "You're not... afraid of that? I'm always afraid, like, talking about that kind of stuff ... it'll hurt you, you know? The memories and everything."

Jason considered it, but then shook his head. "Not really. No matter what we do here, in OUR room as you keep telling me, we trust each other. Right? So, I'm being honest Elliot - I know this is on me. I have to grow up sometime anyway, whether I'm ready to or not. I mean, I don't know why those creeps did what they did to me, but they did it and they got their rocks off. They were filthy, stinky, disgusting... all that crap. But... I get it, okay? I doubt I'll ever see what they did to me as something good, because they hurt me. They hurt me, and then they laughed about it all when it was over. I mean, they just used me like some stuffed animal, or a doll, or something… They just wanted sex, and they... they didn't care." He paused, thinking for a moment. "That's them though, it's not us Elliot. You're not them, Derek isn't them - none of you guys are. I think that's what makes it different, you know? I think that's what makes it okay with me, especially on the inside."

Jason sighed as they lay there in silence, deep in thought. "You know, maybe there is something that's supposed to be good about it. The sex part, I mean. Maybe it IS good, if it's with the right person, maybe at the right time and all, for the right reason. That sort of deep shit I can accept." He blushed. "Sorry," he offered, meekly.

Elliot smiled at him though. "Don't apologize, Jase. I understand what you're saying."

"I hope so, bro. I mean, okay, look at it this way. When guys have sex with girls, like screwing and everything, there is supposedly something awesome and fantastic about it, right? So, there has to be, you know, something about it when guys do it with guys that must be good, too. I get that, I really do." Jason's expression changed. "But Elliot, what happened to me, I... I..." He swallowed hard and hesitated.

Elliot saw the fear and humiliation, and a certain amount of loathing in those eyes again. "Jase, you don't have to explain-"

"But I do Elliot, I have to get this out," Jason whispered. Taking a deep breath, he pulled himself together again. Before continuing, he saw tears reflected in Elliot's eyes matching his own, and it moved him. It was comforting to see that his cousin wasn't just being patient. "Don't you see? I have to make you understand it the right way, or else you'll always be afraid, right?" Elliot nodded, so he went on. "Look, I don't know if, like, I will ever be that gay bro. Maybe, if it's just you and me, well, we'll see. I know I love you enough to trust you, okay? But ... what those creeps did?" He shook his head. "They fucked with more than my ass Elliot, they fucked with my head, too! And… and… it's just hard to let it go. I wish I could, and maybe I will eventually, but right now, it's just hard to let it go."

A tear fell down Elliot's cheek. "That's what I was trying to tell you, Jase. They didn't care about you, they just used you. They raped you, and that stuff will always mess with somebody. Always."

Jason nodded. "I know. I mean, it's something I still have nightmares about, and I don't know if they'll ever really go away. That night, I can remember how awful they smelled, and how they rammed at me and laughed about it and... and... shoved that thing up inside of me and..." The tears came again, but this time they were unabashed. For a fleeting instant, Jason's face screwed up, but then just as suddenly, he shook his head clear. When he looked at Elliot again, there was a different expression there, this time of determination. "Okay, that's enough," he said simply, commanding himself to let it go. Smiling at his cousin, Jason wrapped his arms around him again and hugged tight. "Listen to me. I love you. I love being with you, I love holding you and I love touching you. I love how we just melt together sometimes, you know? I love that you let me have my little moments, to play and explore and just… just feel everything about you, you know? I love not having to worry about us with this stuff, too. Don't ask me why, okay? Maybe I'm getting a streak of gayness in me, I don't know. I just like to think it's us, though. That's all that matters to me. Even if we do end up trying other stuff out, sometime, I would know that, inside of me, it's just you and me. That's the trust I have in you."

Elliot shed another tear, but this time one born of happiness. Jason wiped it away for him, then went on. "That's how much I love you. And... and, you don't have to be afraid - I'm not going to leave you behind anywhere. I can't, Elliot. You're too much a part of me now. Like today, no matter how many guys we see skinned in the showers or stuff. Or any of the little sex stuff we goof off with around each other, or with Derek. It doesn't matter to me. That's just kind of the fun stuff, you know?" He rolled his eyes to the ceiling while grinning lopsidedly. "I mean, today was awesome. I WANTED to pop a boner! Hell, I really wanted to pop one when Sean was like, right in my face and all! For all I know, maybe I did, I don't know!"

Elliot smiled at that. "I know I did," he whispered.

"Do you understand now?" Jason asked. "I admit it. Being at that game, being in the lockers afterwards, seeing them naked and all - it was awesome for lots of reasons. Even before Derek told us what he did, you know, about the guys and stuff – it just felt right. He said the guys kind of accepted me for who I am and, and they weren't afraid. And when everything was over, I realized something. I realized I wasn't afraid either. In its own way, it was that trust thing again. And who knows more about trust - real trust, something you feel from the inside - than you do?" He smiled again. "Don't you get it? I love US, and I love sleeping in this bed with you, whether we're naked or not. More than anything, I just love feeling you're still with me. That your here each night when I go to sleep, and still here each morning when I wake up. And that... that this whole thing, it's not a dream. You're not only just still here, but you're here with me. On the inside, in here," Jason stated, pointing to his heart.

Elliot smiled. "I am, Jase. And you're on the inside of me, too."

"There's something else I think I need to explain, too," Jason spoke again, moments later as they lay enjoying each other's company. "You know, I got nervous the other night when Derek came in here, and then climbed in bed with me. I got scared because at first, it wasn't you. Even though he's your brother, we don't really know each other that much, you know? Anyway, he snuggled up to me, kind of spooned me, and I could feel him. You know, down there, his thing was at my butt and everything. Not so different than you do to me sometimes, but… it wasn't you, and yeah, I got nervous."

Jason looked away for a moment. "I mean, I used to get scared when yours did that with me. It's because I didn't know then, I didn't understand this trust thing - not all the way at least. I was afraid I'd wake up in the middle of the night sometime and you'd be, like, trying to do it. You know, sticking your dick up inside me or something. And after... after before..." He was fighting tears again, but he took a deep breath. "Elliot, I know now. I know I have to take some good and bad at the same time if I'm going to heal any. So, I know, and we're cool, we're okay. I learned how to trust you. You don't try anything, even if you do get a boner. Not when we spoon up like that. Neither did Derek that night, which made a big difference. But see, having the touch between us, where I can feel you're still there and stuff. Not just down there, but I mean all over. You had to make me understand on the inside, and I'm so glad you did now. Because, when Derek wrapped me up that night in his arms, in here? I admit I was shaking, but then he just held me like you do and ... and talked to me a little, and... something happened. I relaxed, and I saw he was just helping me not feel alone. See? He was helping me learn to trust him, too. He was helping me realize I was going to be safe, no matter what. Honest, all of that let me finally go to sleep. I felt so bad afterwards, because of you, but..."

Elliot listened, not wanting to interrupt. He felt there was something in these words helping Jason get better, something coming out of him into the open. Since the night he gave in, Jason had never touched on that subject again until now. Elliot really felt Jason was learning to let go, in subtle ways at first, but more as each day passed. It filled Elliot with a pride knowing that he and Derek had been doing something right. As he thought about it though, something else occurred to him. "Are you afraid I'm going to be jealous of you with my brother?" he whispered.

Jason grunted. "No. I've seen you two so much closer now than when I first got here. I see the love he has for you, and I understand what that means now." He stared deep into Elliot's eyes. "I see what makes this family what it is, bro... for all of you. Even when I lived with Dad, before all that crappy shit hit the fan with me, I never had anything like what you guys have here. And now that I'm in the middle of it, I admit I get scared sometimes I'm going to lose it. You know, I'm afraid I'm going to fuck it up in some way. I get afraid some nights I'll wake up, and then find out it's all a dream. How crazy is that?" He laughed at Elliot's incredulous expression. "I guess I still could. I mean, face it, you put up with so much more from me being here now. If I had never come over and all, you guys might not have to deal with me and my crap. I'm not so wishy washy, really, or squishy or whatever. I mean, at least before, I was never really this way. Dad always toughened up on me, you know? 'Guys don't cry,' that sort of thing. But now, I - I feel like I've got a big ball of feelings that I can't always seem to sort out anymore. I mean, I keep hoping someday I can figure it all out, but..."

Elliot had heard enough. He crawled up and embraced him, rolling them both so that they now lay side-by-side. He did not let go, even though he lay there in all his nakedness, not caring in the slightest. He wanted Jason to feel his sincerity and love just then, and he held him firm for a long time. Eventually, he did pull back and sit up. Whispering ever so softly, he looked upon Jason in a new light. "This isn't right," he said. After removing his own shirt completely, he quickly, effortlessly, stripped Jason, too. In his eyes, nothing more personal could pass between them than that of lying with each other, holding and feeling their presence. As Elliot reached across and turned off the light, he rearranged the blanket over them. Rethreading his arms with his cousin, Elliot then gave him a soft kiss. When Jason didn't speak, Elliot broke the silence. "Jase?"

"Yeah?" he whispered.

"You'll get it all figured out, I know you will. And I don't care what you were like before. We don't wear our feelings on the outside so much here either, but it doesn't mean we don't have any. And you've seen us - I trust Derek, I can tell him anything I think, and he wouldn't crap on me. He's my brother, you know? You'll see us, you'll watch us, and … you'll see we don't care, that we're not afraid to be ourselves around you. The way I figure, as long as it helps you, it can't be wrong. So, you'll figure it all out bro, trust me. Derek and me, and Mum, and Dad - we're going to be your family now, forever. Even when we grow old and get wrinkled dicks and everything else, you and me will still be family, we'll still be brothers, and we'll still love each other no matter what."

There was a long silence. "I don't know, Elliot. Our Dads never figured it out," Jason offered weakly.

"Yeah, but you know what? We're not them. They didn't share things like we do," Elliot added as he nuzzled his friends neck. "They didn't trust each other like we do."

Jason thought about that. "Yeah, from what your Dad told me, I can believe that." Again, they lay there for a few minutes before Jason pulled back and smiled. "Thanks."

"For what?" Elliot asked.

"For just listening. Sometimes, I don't know, it's all I need you to do. You know, just listen to me." Jason wrinkled his nose. "I think because it makes me figure it out in my head better. Especially when I have to explain it to you from my heart, you know? Because maybe my head will listen to my heart and... And then somehow, it just … it's better..."

"I'll listen to you anytime you want, bro. And I'll listen with my heart, I promise," Elliot added.

Their chests together, baring their very fiber to each other, made Jason smile even more as he leaned in and kissed Elliot very lightly on his lips. "It's a good heart, too. I can almost feel it beating with mine right now." They lay there a bit, then the American decided to roll over and spoon back into Elliot. A thought, however, struck the British youth.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Elliot whispered. "We haven't, like, done anything for you! You gotta be loaded up after today!"

Jason smirked as he cuddled into place, whispering back, "Who says I didn't already?"

Elliot was thoroughly surprised to hear that. "Really? How? When?"

Jason turned enough to peer into the other boys' eyes incredulously. "How? You REALLY want to ask THAT question?" he leered before grinning. "As to when, um, we did have a shower this afternoon... remember? I was fantasizing a little over Sean, and your brother, and you… You get the idea, right?"

"Oh yeah... Damn!" Elliot hissed as he giggled and settled back. "I missed all the fun!" He wrapped his arm around Jason and they snuggled in tight with each other.

After a minute Jason murmured, "No you didn't, that's why you got the special treat tonight."

Elliot kissed Jason's neck after that. "I owe you." he responded, but he heard and felt his cousin's breathing change. He knew then that Jason was already sleeping peacefully again.

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