The Persistence of Memory
by Rafael Henry
Chapter 20
'Will you 'phone Garth please. Tell him I'm out tonight and I'll be back tomorrow morning.'
'Fine. I'll do it now. Are you sure?' Quintus says, looking at me with a question mark on his face.
'Yes. Perfectly sure.' I replied
'I've just got the one bed. Unless you're going on the sofa?'
'No. I prefer beds to sofas. At least to sleep on. I think I need to talk more than lie there with you stuck in me, shagging me silly. If that's ok?'
'Each to their own Alex. By the way, have I ever said that's what I'd like to do with you?'
'No, to be fair, you never have. It's Duncan, and the others that's bothering me.'
'Ah, them .'
'Yes, them .'
'Is that why you're here?'
'Partly. The other reason I'm not sure about. May I tell you what happened today; after I dropped Duncan off in Padstow?'
'Of course. Nothing bad I hope?'
'No. It reminded me of six years ago now. I haven't forgotten one single minute of those days I spent at your cottage. You must have known how I was feeling. It may never have happened to you, but it did to me, and this boy Ruari, the boy I went for a walk with, felt like another me, as I was back then.'
'Do you want to go to bed and talk about it?'
'Now?'
'Yes, right now. Would you mind if we turned the clock back; just for a few minutes.'
We haven't undressed, well not entirely. Shall we say we've made ourselves a little more comfortable. It's a warm evening so there's not much on top of us as we lie here. I just need to get my head straight about a few things, and oddly, I think talking to Quintus, who is possibly my nemesis, will help not just me but him too. Quintus opens the conversation.
'You knew it was going to rain didn't you? When you set off on your bike?'
'I thought it just a bit of luck if I arrived at your cottage soaking wet. You'd have to do something about it.'
'Carefully strip you down to nothing and rub you dry?'
'And then bathe the boy in a warm bath. Lovely. It was lovely. You were so warm and gentle with me. '
'Indeed I was.'
'And everything went swimmingly didn't it? One night I stayed over if you recall. I thought we'd make it together, you expressing your love for me in the best and in the best possible way.'
'Umm. But something made that an impossibility Alex.'
'It did, but I couldn't understand that. Not then, but I do now. How was I?'
'You know how you were, standing there shivering with your hands under your chin, looking at me, wonderfully naked. Your little shrunken penis. How do think I felt? I fell in love with you even harder and more painfully than I already was. Sex came into it. It did. What I did for you in that bath, my hands on your flesh made everything come to life in me. Humans respond to other humans in different ways, as you know. Only you could make me respond in the way I did that morning, and other mornings, afternoons and the one night you slept in the cottage. I'll never forget it. But I learnt from it, but even when we understand the lessons being taught to us, we don't have to follow the advice……..those commandments that should rule our behaviour. One tries to change but finds one just can't. It's too hard. Tomorrow will be different but when tomorrow comes, we're just the same. We find we haven't changed at all, we're just as we were. Still helpless to change ourselves.'
'But we could marra?'
'Marra? Who or what is that?'
'You'd know if you ever go down the coal mine at Easington, or ever did. It's closed now. You watch my back and I'll look after yours, marra. Get it?'
'So this is a new relationship between us is it?'
'I think it ought to be, yes. It's what we both need now, I think. If you want it.'
'A bit of slate wiping required?'
'Indeed so, rather than bottom wiping.'
'Did I ever do that for you?'
'You don't you remember do you? You sat on the edge of the bath waiting for me?'
'I do now. Right from the beginning it was cinema verite wasn't it. It was refreshing to be allowed to be the fly on the wall during your intimate moments. Even that.'
'Yes. After that everything was child's play; literally, for me. Not for you.'
'No. It was hard, but I dealt with it.'
'The way we all deal with it. It does work, removing the desire for an hour. It does take the urgency of the situation away, at least for a while. Did you realise I saw you in your bathroom?'
'No. Goodness, afterwards I hope?'
'Yes. The bathroom door was open just enough to see what I'd never seen before, but wanted to. I was impressed. My first thought was how I might deal with it. I mean how far might you go. How far would it go?'
'But you know now?'
'A couple of years later, at S. Endellion, yes. I don't know if you know how it works in those places. There are a few boys like me who were happy to be befriended by our elders and betters. Other boys , not those in black gowns with white chalk on them, at least as far as I was aware. There was one lad who came close to what I had seen of you, but I dealt with him ok. Would you like the details?'
The boy had worked up to it in the most kindly and sensitive way over a period of three early mornings in his 'cube', short for cubicle, until we managed, or rather I managed him successfully, and the wet pants at breakfast, just about. What was recently deliciously thick and warm goes alarmingly watery and cold as it runs down one's inner thigh. It can be pretty awkward when you are in those little short grey trousers.
Quintus enjoyed my anecdotes from a misspent youth. If he had any, I'd rather not hear them. I don't think he did have. He didn't have the educational advantages I had enjoyed from the age of six. But that all ended with my regrettable forced transfer from Cornwall back to the flat landscape of the east. There is one more thing I'd like to say……
'I was angry with you for a long time Quintus. I'm not now. In fact I now realise that you treated me honourably. I made the decision to come to your house, not you. I put you in harm's way. I asked you for something I should never have contemplated. I could have ruined your life. I'm the one who should be apologizing to you. I would have been seen as a victim and you would have been the evil perpetrator.'
'You might imagine my thoughts Alex when I was confronted by such a lovely person standing in front of me with those eyes of yours looking into mine, perfectly nude, cold, shivering and very needy. What was I to do with such a creature! Turn the boy out into the weather? I think not. To look at you in the garden in that light, working away on your hands and knees. And then that night, perfumed and naked on the bed, exposed and excited for me. It was very hard Alex.' He says, tongue in cheek
'I'm sure it was. Anyway, you got yourself sorted out alright, unfortunately not by me.'
There was a hand between cheeks as I recall, but a benign and soothing hand as I lay on my tummy, expectant.
And so this enjoyable air-clearing banter went on as we lay there, keeping our hands to ourselves. But there's another issue I need to make Quintus aware of.
'You heard the news presumably?'
'Yes. Monday morning at eight thirty sharp. An Inspector calls.'
'Yes. I had a message from Angus about it just before we left for half term on Friday. A week's warning and a holiday week at that so we're not in school to prepare the boys. They have to give us a week, but a holiday week when we not in school? That's a bit unfair isn't it? And there's something else too. The Lead Inspector is an IT expert. Because we got a grant for setting up the network, there will be an in-depth inspection of our digital systems to ensure its efficiency and capabilities. They are going to look at everything Quintus. We benefited from what amounts to public money here, and what have we done with it? That's what they are looking for, and anything else they can dig up. I went on a course with that bloke and he's good Quintus. A top man. His other job is digital forensics for fuck's sake, If there's anything on our system that shouldn't be, he'll find it, or even traces left after deletion. Did you know that deleting something still leaves a discoverable trace?'
Quintus's face paled to an alarming shade of grey.
'Oh shit.' Was all he could come up with. While we were chatting, Quintus had made no secret of what was in his pants. After my bombshell, that quickly disappeared.
'If there is anything you'd rather they didn't find, you had better tell me now. They are going to check absolutely everything . Well? Is there?'
An unwelcome silence ensued. There is something. Probably. No, almost certainly.
It should have been a jolly half-term spent down at the Hut at S. Endellion Cove but I had no choice. I spent it at school going through everything making sure sure I had 'erased' all the shared material generated by all the various video footage Quintus had made of the whole range of Wider Curriculum opportunitie s the boys were provided with.
'Have you told me everything Quintus? You had better be sure you have. And is there any other contaminated equipment? No other cameras or memory cards lurking in your bottom drawer?'
'No. You've got everything. There's nothing else, honestly, nothing.'
'Ok. You had better be right. That's all I can say.''
I could see the disappointment on Quintus's face as I left his flat for the Main Building and my task for the next few days; to go through the school's entire system again making sure it was squeaky clean.
It took me four days of trawling through a million files on several devices and 'erasing', which according to the instructions, involved overwriting the files so that effectively they no longer existed and thus could not be recovered. I'm not saying that the Inspectorate would have discovered anything that Angus and Quintus wouldn't want them to see, but as far as I can achieve, they cannot now. But what is the root cause of this situation that's prevented me from enjoying a few days down on the Cornish coast with my father and Garth. Well, that's not hard to work out is it? I've tackled one issue successfully, I earnestly hope, to protect the backs of certain people, including myself, albeit indirectly. The rest, or the cause of all this is now the responsibility of the individuals concerned. The next thing on the agenda is a meeting between me, Mr Angus Simpson, the Head Man, and his partner in possible crime, Mr Quintus Beer.
I went up to Angus's office at the appointed time on Friday afternoon. I'm sure Quintus and he had been talking together for some time before that. They both looked anxious to hear my report. I'm going to lay this on thick. There are three hundred and fifty sets of parents and guardians who have entrusted their children into their care which is costing them dear in terms of their hard-earned cash. My thinking is that they are not going to be thrilled to hear in an Inspectors report that little Johnny's body has undergone close examination by the management, their exciting findings duly digitally recorded for posterity and the general enjoyment of a very select few who have no right to save such very personal information about their offspring. Imagine the headlines, not to mention the consequences for Angus and Quintus. Ouch!
I got a very warm welcome as they both stood up to greet me, shaking my hand, shall we say, warmly .
'We are all very grateful to you Alex. But where are we now Alex; with this situation?' Asks Angus, quietly.
'All clear, assuming I've been given access to every single file there is in this place. It's taken me more than three days to go through everything. It is everything isn't it? I'd hate to think there's the odd stone left unturned?' I said giving them that raised eyebrow look.
'Oh yes Alex, definitely everything . Quintus?' Angus looks nervously at Quintus, who nods his head.
'Yes, everything.'
'That's fine then. All sorted.'
'So how do you do these things?'
'I've spent a bit of your money from the IT budget on a programme that removes files you don't need anymore, and in a way that makes them unrecoverable. Quite clever really. And all your internet searches. That took a while Sir.' I said, looking at Angus. 'There were a few of them.'
'Oh, thank you.' Was all he could say to that.
'And the computer the boarders share in their common room. They've been amusing themselves quite late at night it would appear.'
'Have they? Oh dear.'
Angus seemed more surprised than Quintus at this news. Quintus's flat is in the Old Building which also houses most of the boarders. I'm wondering how much he knows about what they get up too when all the smaller fry are asleep and they can get to play in the dark in front of a screen with the sort of activities going on that boys cannot resist. I don't blame them. Some of them will be highly sexed and need to get off on something that truly excites them, which will of course be pornography involving virtually anything from little boys and girls to big girls and other big girls having fun with young men with bit bits. And young men having their way with other young men. There was some interesting search history to trawl through. As they say, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing when it comes to computers. It's just a question of whether I'm as clever as the Lead Inspector for Information Technology who will be here for two days as of Monday morning, in addition to his team who will look at every aspect of school social and academic life. We'll have to see. There was a comment from Angus I wasn't anticipating.
'They will interview several boys. Have we accounted for that?'
Answer, no we haven't, and we don't choose which boys they pick out.
'Oh shit.' Says Quintus.
'That's in the lap of the gods presumably?' I said.
'Yes, in a word.' Replied Angus. 'Completely. And they'll ask the boys if they had any warning that they might be asked questions. They have to say no.'
The Team arrived at exactly twenty past eight this morning, were shown to the office they were to work from, amid a vast collection of data Angus had been given seven days to get together. Plus the use of his personal computer in his office and any others in the school, amounting to just five in all, including mine. I seriously considered breaking the rules by warning Duncan that if he were chosen, to be discreet, and warn the other boys who were on that fucking hike over Bodmin Moor. In the end I didn't.
And guess what? Duncan is one of the chosen few boys to be interviewed, five in all. One of the boarders, a very straight Middle Fifth boy who had probably never touched his private part, apart from peeing through it. One boy who was a regular attendee at Hilary's art classes. That covered the extra-curricular and cultural side of things. Another older boy who was to be quizzed on the subject of the quality of his pastoral care over the past years. Duncan. He came in for a right royal grilling.
'Looking at my notes Duncan, I see you've been involved in a number of Wider Curriculum activities. Is that so?'
'Yes Sir, it is.'
'Do remind me please.'
'Err, I've done the Life Drawing classes for ages Sir. And…….'
'Tell me about those Duncan.'
'Oh, we draw other boys Sir, the ones who are prepared to volunteer, but we all take turns to be the model. Well, most of us. Some boys never do it.'
'Is that so? Would that be portraits or…..'
'Oh no Sir. We do the whole body. Everything.'
'What do you mean by everything Duncan.'
'As I said Sir, the whole body.' Duncan replies, hoping his answer will satisfy his inquisitor.
'I see, how interesting. On these occasions, could you see all the person?'
'Oh yes Sir. There would be no point in it if we didn't.'
'You mean the boys were naked?' Kleverkunt says with a frown, tapping the pencil on the desk.
'Oh no Sir! PE shorts and tee shirt. And they kept their pants on underneath. You could usually tell. I'd much rather they didn't though. It would be far more interesting if they were nude. But that would never happen here . Not in a million years would that be allowed under any circumstances Sir. Never . After all, what would the parents think?'
'Indeed so .' Says the kuntish inspector, leaning back in the leather padded swivel chair, fiddling with the pencil in his fingers, twirling it this way and that way.
A long silence ensued while the inspector eyeballs our Duncan, perplexed at the boy's suspiciously tongue-in-cheek answer. Was that the truth? It doesn't ring true. So the suited man with the slicked back dark hair thinks again, pencil twizzling between long fingers some more. The boy has answered his questions. He can't keep on at him.
Duncan is feeling pleased with himself as he contemplates the boys he's seen undressing and then being directed by Hilary towards a faintly erotic pose giving Duncan a spectacular view right into, up even, Arlo's virgin jungekunt. Despite standing in front of his suited inquisitor, he feels himself becoming aroused enough to show. Just enough that the dark suited man might notice. After a deep breath, or two, the man composes himself to speak further.
'I see you participated [not just gone on, but participated ] in an Outward Bound style excursion to Bodmin Moor a few weeks ago. Would you like to tell me about that?'
'I would Sir, very much.'
A pause.
'Well go on child.'
'It was great fun Sir, but quite hard work, all that walking with heavy kit and so on. The nights were even more fun though.'
' Indeed? ' The man says, leaning forward, the pencil laid to rest on the desk now. No need to write anything down…….just yet.
'Yes Sir.' Duncan, inadvertently touching himself at the front, for effect, goes on.
'We shared tents, two of us in each one. It was quite hot so we couldn't get to sleep at first, so we played silly games together.'
'What kind of games?' The dark haired man asks, leaning even further forward towards his victim.
'Oh, fun ones. You know, wrestling and…….all that kind of thing. Silly fun games we always play here. Just in our pyjama bottoms. We wanted to take them off because it was so hot but Mr Beer said we shouldn't.'
'And you didn't?'
'Oh no Sir!' Mr Beer is very strict on silly boys' games that can get…….well, very silly. We know that laughing often ends in crying Sir. Then we just talked and got very excited.'
'Excited? About what exactly my child?'
'What child? Oh, the one I was sleeping with. In the tent.'
'I meant….. what did you get excited about? Exactly?'
'What we were going to do together. You know Sir, the fun things we always get up to with the teachers, when they want us to.'
'Together? Together with the teachers? When? What? Tell me boy!' The kunt in the suit asks, leaning forwards, arms on the desk now, hands together, white knuckled.
'The next day of course Sir. All our fun activities. Climbing rocks and all that stuff Sir. '
'Right. So all went well then? You were all happy? How marvellous .' The suited dark haired mankunt says, leaning back in the chair. He swivels left and right a couple of times, pencil twizzling in his fingers again.
He'd given up, the Shit in the Suit. Duncan has had him for breakfast, lunch and tea. Never underestimate the intelligence of our beautiful boy hero. They see and know far more than we think. Duncan understood his predicament, our predicament, and came up with the perfect repost for anything the officious official could chuck at him, all designed to tease out a weakness. That's loyalty for you, and I love him for it.
None of us had any inkling of how the IT expert was getting on with his investigation into our, or rather my IT set up in this place. My job in effect. Then, after lunch Angus was called from the staff room to the room all of the suited inspectors had taken over. There were about twelve of us in the room when the heavy mahogany door swung open, slowly and silently having been recently oiled, and the suited man came in, unsmiling, asking for Dr Angus Simpson. He put his copy of the Times down, almost knocked his coffee cup over that had gone cold, and answered the call. The room fell silent. Newspapers were put down, glances were shared amongst us, and then newspapers were put back up hiding faces. We weren't reading the print.
Just before the end of the lunch break, Angus returned looking grey and tired. He walked slowly back to his battered brown leather armchair and told me to go to Room Sixteen.
'They want to see you Alex. Good luck.'
So I am to be interviewed now. I looked back at Angus and then at Quintus. Angus was looking down with one hand on his forehead. Quintus looked back at me thinking I know not what. Nothing good by the look of him. I stood up, mouth open and made my way, dry mouthed, to the still open door. It's a three-minute walk to Room Sixteen, so numbered for no logical reason. I don't think there are sixteen rooms in this building. Typical. And there's no Room Fifteen as far as I'm aware. This conundrum occupied my mind for a few seconds as well as the prospect of unemployment, and quite possibly a lengthy custodial sentence. Not a happy prospect and one I had my doubts I could endure for more than a week, if that. Perhaps I will find a lover in jail? A soul mate as well as a cell mate. More than likely, not. I'll probably be systematically raped. Imagine that, being filled with other men's sperm night and day? I supposed it would depend on the men?
I reached another of those closed dark doors and stopped for a few seconds to take a couple of deep breaths before giving it a knock so light and pathetic that it made me instantaneously angry with myself. I tried again and this time my assertiveness gave me courage.
'Come!' Was the instant response.
'Ah yes; Alex isn't it? Do come in young man.' The man in the tweed jacket says brightly, and dare I say it, encouragingly. The jacket reminded me of a pan of mixed finely chopped vegetables. Carrots, swede, turnip, and something a dingy green colour. And potato.
'Do sit down.' One of the Suits told me. So I did, opposite him on the other side of a large pine table covered in masses of paper in several untidy piles, and two mugs of half consumed coffee, long cooled. He looks up and smiles, usually the herald of the executioner's falling axe. The sweet smile as the sentence is passed. All I could do was to wait until the final blow falls, like Charles the First had to, as he knelt so bravely, before his masked executioner that cold and foggy London morning. Hopefully this will be painless, and end everything, quickly.
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