The Persistence of Memory

by Rafael Henry

Chapter 15

Having woken up to find Robbie in my bed, I tried to explain to him about lots of things, carefully not going into any direct references to the interface between a boy's private bits and another boy's private bits as he gently fiddles……with himself, not me . He's in my bed, yes, but that does not mean anything interesting has to happen, does it? No, of course not. My baser instincts are to put him on his back and shag the bottom off him, but we're better than that aren't we?

Of course we are. He's a not very grown up thirteen-year-old.

But a bit of talking can be an absorbing exercise with a boy like him. Robbie's clearly got to that stage when he can see some future with Duncan and he wants to get on with it, now. But what's it all about, this sex business? And why can't he ask me and get proper answers? I see no reason at all why he can't. But what he really wants is to practice with me so he's fully informed when Duncan's ready to go with him. That's it in a nutshell.

'Sex won't happen just like that Robbie. Where have you got this idea from anyway?'

'Duncan. After we………..'

'After what Robbie?'

'What we talked about. Duncan said there was more we could try. Something else that would be good. He wanted to do it with me. I want him to.'

'And did you? Have you done that?'

'No, not yet.'

'But you're sure you want him to?'

'Yes.'

'You're a bit young for that darling. Have you any idea what that would feel like? I'm not talking about your body now, but how you would feel in your little bonce?'

'Not really. Have you done it like that?'

Should I give him an honest answer? Probably. So I was honest with Robbie.

'Yes I have.'

'What did it feel like? Did you like it? Who did you do it with?'

'I think it's different for different people. Some people don't like the idea of it. As it happens, well, never mind all that.'

'You do it when you love someone don't you?'

'Yes you can, of course you can, but……..there's no actual need. No requirement.'

'I think Duncan loves me.'

'How do you feel about him?'

'I love him too. So we should be doing it, shouldn't we?'

'No.'

A pause for some thought.

'Why won't you teach me to be what Duncan wants?'

'I don't need to. That's ridiculous Robbie.'

'You would if you liked me. I know you don't.'

I grabbed his shoulder. He turned over onto his side, legs drawn up all foetal, his face behind two hands. I pulled him back over to face me.

'I beg your pardon young man. What did you say?'

'Nothing. Sorry.'

'I do like you. Very very much as it happens. Now don't do that again. It's unkind.'

'Why don't you show it then?'

'I thought I did?'

'No you don't. Anyway what is there to like about me?'

'Well, your voice for a start. You have the most beautiful voice. It's so completely you .'

'It would be me wouldn't it. Anything else you like about me?'

'Do I have to say?'

He laughed at that. I've told him before that I think he's a very handsome boy, in every way. I ran my fingers through his hair. Like rivers of gold that ran past blue eyes, a few freckles and a mouth that was just asking to be kissed.

'You're just a pair of sparkling eyes really. You're not really a boy at all. You're an angel that just looks like a boy.

'Do you think you might learn to like me more? Ever?'

'I do already darling.'

'How much more?'

'I think I might love you.'

I got the Robert Mole the stare, which gradually melted into a smile.

'Do you mean that?'

'Yes I do. Why else would I say it.'

'Can I lie on you?'

'Like that? Go and put some knickers on please.'

'Why?'

'Because I haven't, therefore you need to. Ok?'

'I can't. Rosie's in with Duncan. Thay might be doing something.'

'What!'

'Doing it.'

I doubt it. And Robbie's reasoning is reasonable is it not?

He's lying directly on top of me, which is rather nice. It's not sexual in any way. Neither of us appear to be aroused, at least not yet. I intend to keep it this way, of course . And I get the bonus of underling what I have said to him about my feelings for him by stroking his back, gently, all the way from the back of his head down to his bottom, both bits of it, the sides of, but not in between. But I'm tempted to change my mind over that one when he moves his legs wider apart so that they end up either side of mine, leaving me an open opportunity to have a bit of a delve between the two firm mounds of muscle. So my hands are back on top now, my fingers slipping between the forms dangerously close to making a very sexual gesture. Stop right there Alex.

He likes it, judging by the wriggling motion he's got into. I've moved my hands up to Robbie's shoulders now to hold him still. He looks up at me.

'Can I kiss you? Pleeeeeease?'

I'm not going to stop him.

Not bad for a beginner, and it was only playing with tongues.

He's rolled onto his back, covers off him. What a lovely sight. He's not a big boy, but, as they say, perfectly formed.

I turned onto my side to face him, my lower body out of his sight, and just as well. Time to talk about Duncan.

'Why don't you tell him Robbie? It should be up to you to make the decisions about your friendship, not just Duncan. Do things the way you want to.'

'I just want to know what it feels like first; so I can be good at it.'

'Try and be a good boy for him?' I said, smiling.

'Yes. I want to be a good boy for Duncan. I love him. I want him to love me too.'

'I know you do, and he does love you I'm quite sure. And even if you do love each other, there's no need to do anything. Only do things if you really want to. Do you remember we discussed all this before?'

'I need to know then. I want to know what it feels like. You can tell me can't you? Or……..'

Well done Robbie. He's beginning to rationalise his relationship with Duncan. Our conversation was pure joy, and more than I expected from him.

I'm spending some time stroking his damp forehead, and then gently removing the slight perspiration from his top lip with my tongue. He has learnt to kiss properly.

'I liked that Alex. Can we do that again? You tasted funny.'

We lie on our sides facing each other, our hands together under our chins. There's no room for bent knees so we are touching everywhere. Robbie smiles.

'You haven't done it have you?'

'No!'

'But I wanted you to. It's not fair otherwise.'

'Yes it is. You can go back to sleep now.'

'I can't. Not until you have. Will you let me do it for you? I know how.'

'Really?' I say, passing a fingertip along an eyebrow. I like doing that. And then a gentle fiddle in Robbie's ears. That makes him smile. Another kiss won't hurt. That's not illegal is it?

He's keen on that. He wants to go on, but deeper this time with all kinds of tongue twisting. My goodness, Duncan has struck gold here.

'Is that it?' Robbie asks in that ever-so-slightly husky voice he sometimes effects.

''Is what…..it?'

'This.' The boy says, showing me the tips of his fingers.

I pressed my mouth against his. That's not helping this situation. I'm the closest now to a disaster with Robbie I'll ever be. More than that. It would make me something I don't want to be.

'Go to the bathroom now Robbie.'

He went, and in the three or four minutes he was out of the room, I got myself sorted out. It was less than a minute but it has saved my proverbial bacon. Garth is not going to be thrilled.

Robbie was back within five minutes. I told him to go next door to Duncan's room, his room too while he's with us, and tell Rosie to get herself back here. It's six thirty now, so waking her will be fine. She can go back to sleep in this bed. I'm getting up and I'll walk around the village for half an hour and get my head back together. I need to.

When I got back, Rosie was in bed. My bed where she should have been all night, but clearly not where she wanted to be, judging by her decampment to join her heartthrob Duncan, not that he wanted her in with him. At least I don't think he would. Anyway I'm not going to interrogate the girl about it. No point. But I will talk to Duncan this morning. We'll have a wander to the park this fine Sunday morning. I fact we went down into my makeshift stone walled studio with its heavy slate covered and sagging roof propped in the middle by a small tree trunk, next door in the garden.

'Whose idea was that then Duncan? To swap over in the middle of the night?'

'Not mine. Probably Rosie's…….or Robbie's. He's got a pash for you.'

'Oh has he?' I said, laughing. Duncan looked put out. He's got that moody look about him this morning, as he takes the occasional deeper breath.

'Anything the matter then? You've got what I call that Duncan expression this morning.'

'No. I hope Robbie behaved himself?'

'Yes, thank you. More or less. You have to be firm with him or he'll take you for a ride. What about Rosie? She can be quite insistent too when she wants something.'

'She was. She's a pest. I wish she's go away. What sort of a ride Alex?'

'Not that sort. Oh dear. What happened with Rosie?'

'Nothing.'

'So you're not going to tell me? That's one of the really good things about you, I thought . You would always tell me if you're bothered about anything. Always. I hope that trust hasn't evaporated?'

'No of course not. I don't need to tell you everything do I?'

'Why not? It sounds like you had a problem with her. Did she ask you to do something you didn't want to?'

'Yes.'

'Oh goodness. You didn't do that did you? You realise she ovulating now? You know what that means. And you're old enough now. You're producing sperm for heaven's sake. Tell me she didn't make you do that?'

'No she didn't.'

'Then, what?'

'Something else.'

Johnny's mother, Anna, said it was the next best thing to being penetrated for twenty minutes. As I've mentioned, her equivalent of a boy's penis was very prominent, set as it is high up between the two lips. I imagined it was a boy's penis between my lips and on my tongue, just as I imagined I was some distance inside a boy's gripping bottom on those three consecutive Thursday afternoons. I had the thing encircled between my tight lips as I tickled it with my tongue, the tip running repeatedly up and down the erect body from base to the tiny rounded tip, not unlike the way I excited Johnny, and some others over the years, to fever pitch, and then the rest. It was a good job there was no one else in the house. Anna was always very expressive as she approached her sexual climax, something I love to hear from anyone. She actually shouted out as she held my head still, unable to stand any more stimulation. That is until I found myself lying on her, then quickly guided into her, and very soon it was over. Sis had been conceived.

'Thinking about it now makes me feel all wrong .' Says Duncan.

'Well you know a bit more now. About it , girls perhaps, and maybe yourself. That's not going to hurt you is it? Put it down to experience Duncan. Garth will be back this morning. He's been helping Ralph sort the cottage out. Rosie can go home this morning. And it's school tomorrow.'

'But Robbie is staying isn't he?'

'Yes, he's staying. And sleeping with you in your bed sweetheart. Is there anything left to sort out between you two?'

'Nothing that won't get sorted out soon I hope.'

'And what might that be?'

'We don't have to discuss everything do we Alex?'

'No not everything. Unless it's a problem.'

'I don't think it will be.' Duncan says, looking away.

'Good. Let me know if it is.'

Duncan leans into me as I put my arm around his back. Then he stands up and sits himself in my lap, facing me, with his head just under my chin and his bottom placed exactly where it fits best, and his hands on the back of the chair behind me. To keep him there I have my two hands just below and inside the waistband of his shorts, but outside the underpants he's wearing this morning. Something I can feel is a bit different here.

'This is nice Duncan.'

'A good pose for a model?'

'Could be.' I said, noticing Duncan looking at my latest creation in the corner, a standing study of Robbie, just eighteen inches high, now cast in bright white plaster, hands behind his back in my favourite classic pose.

'By the way, these are not your usual are they.'

More of a statement than a question, as I tug at the waistband again.

'Oh. You've noticed.'

'I notice everything Duncan.'

'It was Rosie. She wanted to do swappsies.'

'Did she now. How do you feel in these then?'

'Dunno. Ok I suppose.'

That means he's enjoying being a little naughty because boys his age don't usually agree to trying on girly knickers.

'Be honest Duncan. Are you trying to tell me in your own little way that this is something you might enjoy?'

'Umm.'

'Did you swap before you got into bed?'

'Yes.'

'And that got you excited?'

'Kind of.'

'And that got Rosie excited too?'

'Yes. It made it easier to do it.'

I've got it now. It was easier for Duncan to delve into a pair of boy's pants to do what Rosie was asking for, and to satisfy his own curiosity……and hers. Fair enough. It's not something that has ever interested me particularly, but if Duncan wants to explore the idea, then he's perfectly free to do so. Garth would understand. If you delve into his wardrobe, you would understand why. It's rather a fun Christmas Eve event is Garth's impromptu drag revue!

'You seem rather frisky this morning. Is everything all right?'

'Not really.'

'Perhaps you need to get last night's memory out of your head darling?'

'Umm.'

'Replace it with something more to your educated and preferred pallette?' I said with a big smile.

'Sorry Duncan. That was unkind.'

And so it was, and consequently, the end of that rather nice little time together. I had indeed upset Duncan who decamped from the very sexual position he had taken up in my lap and was now sitting, pink faced and cross on another chair in the opposite corner of the room, looking daggers at me. I stood up and walked over to him.

'I said I'm sorry Duncan.' As I laid my hand gently on his shoulder. How lovely he looks when he's angry with me, all pouty and sexy. He's also aroused inside his girly pants. I can see he is. As for me, is the Pope Catholic?

'I'd like to see, if you didn't mind?' I say, stroking his shoulder.

He pulled away from me. Oh dear, he is cross.

'Really, I would. Come back to our chair…….please?'

Our chair. It's the one I brought here from back east, that rather dismal cathedral city in the flat lands of East Anglia. It's great to pose models in that chair as it has no arms and rakes back nicely. My father said it was used by new mothers to feed their babies. It's pretty good for other things too as Johnny would tell you if he was still around. How I miss him, the sweet boy, but you would never interest him in dressing up. He was all boy, that one. There's a very significant female side to Duncan which, I suspect, is preventing he and Robbie from cementing their friendship, or to put it another way, reaching some form of consummation. The best form. This is an issue I've not considered before. That Duncan is not a doer, but a done to. He's like the smiling country girl who lies down in the long grass with her skirt up around her neck looking up at her boyfriend, expecting, and getting what she desires from the lad as he shows her what he's made of. Long, hot and hard.

Duncan stands up to face me, looking down, mood lightened suddenly, and then back up at me, smiling.

I take that gesture as a 'yes', so it's just a matter of lowering his play shorts to find out exactly what's going on here. Duncan, getting the idea instantly, lifts his tee shirt up, waiting.

'Do you know you have very attractive nipples Duncan?'

'No I didn't know. Attractive to whom?'

'Me for a start. May I?'

Rounded and hard would be an apt description. But that little demon is still tugging at his sleeve, annoyingly.

'Should I be ashamed Alex?'

'For what darling?'

'For liking it.'

'These? I say, holding Duncan at the hips, my hands on what Rosie had let him, or maybe asked him to wear.

'Yes.'

'Did you ask her if you could?'

'Yes. She wanted me to.'

'And I can assure you that being ashamed is the very last thing you should feel. It's quite fun isn't it?'

'Yes. Did you ever?'

'Yes of course I did.' I lied for the sake of Duncan's immediate well-being.

'But I'm sure Garth could sort you out something better than these, my dear boy. He's a bit of an expert on the subject. You haven't had a Christmas with us yet have you?'

'No. And I'll be at my other home then won't I?'

'I assume so. We'll have to arrange one before that then. Just for you. Garth will love it. By the way, I would advise you not to wear something like that to school, especially on the days you have PE or Games.'

'And today?'

'Just carry on as you are, if you want to. You look lovely. Rosie's going back to Tregenna later today as Ralph and Garth have sorted the place out now so she should go back. She belongs there, not here. But Duncan, I need to know that there's no misunderstanding between you and Robbie. I need to ask you one or two rather personal questions. Are you ok with that?'

Duncan nods, and if he's anything like me, he'll enjoy answering such questions. I've been asked a few in my time. Perhaps when I have a few moments I should make a complete list of them. Here's just a couple……

Q. 'Can you come to my house after school? A. 'Yes I can come. Can you?'

Q. 'Ok if I bring up the rear? A. Oh yes, fine with me.

'I don't know whether you know, but I can hear a little of what's going on in your room.'

'Can you? How?'

'It's just a thin stud wall between yours and mine. The sound travels through it quite easily.'

'Oh. I didn't realise it did.'

'It does. But I haven't heard anything for a few days. Has everything stopped between you two?'

'No. But it's changed a bit. That's all.'

'Something that doesn't make any noise?'

'Yes. It's nice.'

'Excellent. Him for you and then you for him. Is that it? With nothing left over to worry about?'

Duncan laughs. Nothing left over. All gone down the hatch. That's the way to do it. I never had any problem with that aspect of matters oral. In fact I loved it; the way it differed from one boy to another. I ruffle the boy's hair as he looks up at me.

'I'm good at it now.' Duncan says with a smile.

'And him?'

'Yes, quite good. Well, good enough.'

'Excellent. And the next thing? Possibly even better than that. Have you thought about that yet?'

'Yes.'

'And?'

'Robbie doesn't want to.'

'Oh, that's interesting. Too soon for him then?'

'No, it's not that.'

'What then?'

'I said something to him.'

'What? What did you say?'

'It was about you. He didn't like it. I think he wants to go back to Tregenna.'

'Oh dear. What was it about me you said. I think I need to know.'

'Robbie said that he wanted you to do it with him. That you loved him better than me. I said that you and I did it together loads of time so he could shut up about it. Then one night he bit me. It hurt. Then he cried and said he wanted to go home.'

'But that's not true is it? That couldn't possibly happen. You know that. You shouldn't tell porky pies about that sort of thing. That's naughty.'

'No. Sorry.'

I give him a hard hug and pull his bottom tight into me as we sit facing each other in the nursing chair. He reminds me so much of Johnny. Then a feel of a girl's pants on a boy. It's interesting that he has this particular desire. And something else which goes some way to explaining the little problem that has developed between he and Robbie. Robbie must be the receiver of Duncan's gifts and Duncan can't for some reason. An impasse it would appear.

'Then he had better go home.'

'So we can be together?'

'Yes, if that's what you want? Is that what you want?'

'Yes. You didn't do it with him did you?'

'No of course not!'

'Did you want to?'

'No Duncan,' I said, giving him a kiss on his head.

'I can feel you now Alex.'

'I can feel you too.'

'Can I move about a bit?'

'Yes if you want to.'

'Will you hold me tight? Close to you?'

'Like this?'

'Umm. And underneath.'

'Like this?'

'Yes. But more.'

'Here?'

'Yes, but more .'

He raised his body enough. Enough for me to do what he needs at this moment as he pushes his body in a regular rhythm against me, his hands over my shoulders, one of my hands steadying his hips and the other…….somewhere else. If this goes on too long there will be consequences for both of us.

It was a frenzied five minutes. It was near the end for Duncan when he said the words. Whether I was supposed to hear them I don't know.

'Quintus wants me. Quintus wants me, Quintus wants me. Quintus told me he does.'

Those words that went through me like a dagger. I know what this is about. It's about me as much as it's about Duncan. He's not having him.

So I'm to be the sacrificial lamb am I?

That bastard Quintus. Quintus doesn't want Duncan. He wants me. I know too much.

I keep Duncan in my arms until the end. It's what boys can do, if they try hard enough. I'm surprised it worked. Goodness, how he liked that. What a great couple we'd make if that were possible. I never thought that there could be another Johnny, in that way, but I honestly believe there is.

I think he's mortally embarrassed, but I told him he shouldn't be.

'That's what we do, us boys Duncan. Sometimes it's just too strong for us to resist. It's fine, especially at your age. Please do remember that I'm here for whatever reason you have to need me. Am I allowed to tell Garth?'

Duncan nods, looking down at the front of his shorts, and then up at me again.

'Are you going to give me a smile then?'

He does. Good boy.

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