Remembering Ryan

by Rafael Henry

Chapter 11

David's parents, Lucien and Sara knew I wasn't interested in David's girlfriend 'in that way'. I like her and even for me, she's not entirely uninteresting. So we got to talk once or twice, alone even, on a wander to the water's edge at Treyarnon and Porthcothan. Sandie asked me about my friendship with David, questions I answered with due circumspection, but she was definitely probing for information about 'things we did together'. What things?

'Oh just boy things. Things that most boys grow out of when they mature a bit.'

'Has David grown out of those things…….do you think?'

'Oh yes he has. I'm certain he finds you very interesting as a person, and I assume in other ways too. You're a very pretty girl Sandie. Boys will be boys.'

'And girls will be girls.' She said smiling.

'And never the twain shall they meet? At least not here in Cornwall. You seem very curious about David? Do you find him interesting?'

She nods.

After a pause…….'You sleep in his bed don't you? Here in Padstow?'

'Yes. It's a very wide bed. Plenty of room. There's about three feet between us.'

Well there could be. Plenty of room for three smaller bodies like ours.

Another pause as we let the cool Atlantic water wash over our feet. Let's push things a little further.

'It must be a bit annoying for you two, never allowed any alone time together. I think David really wants some proper time with you. Would you like that?'

She nods again. She's curious about boys. I can tell.

'Do you know much about boys Sandie? You know, how they work?'

'No, not much, but I really like David.'

'What? As a person, or all of him? He has a nice body don't you think?'

'Oh yes.' She says with some enthusiasm. You can see her point. She's got to a stage in her life when she wants a bit of excitement which has arrived, potentially, in the shape of David.

'He'd never do you any harm Sandie. I wouldn't let him. He's a lovely person, but he's a boy. You're a girl. You will need to know about boys sometime. Do you want to know more about him?'

'Yes.' She says, looking at me, and visibly flushing.

She's young and it's my guess that she's never touched a boy's body in her life. But those thoughts have entered her head now. It's not just curiosity, it's a kind of longing that builds up over time, at least it was for me. Those first sexual thoughts boys have, and how it might come about for them, and with whom. Better a gentle introduction for Sandie than some ugly situation at a party that gets out of control. Something else too. They are just back from their walk together, sitting on the sand. Apart from David's nice package prominent in his swimming knickers, as my mother calls the sleek garments we wear nowadays. Sandie's showing something too down below in what are now her awkwardly two-tone scarlet bikini bottoms. I'm sure Sandie's not aware. I saw Felix's mum looking at her with that concerned look of hers, eyebrows furrowed. David had mentioned in one of those dormitory chats what can happen to girls when they get excited.

'It's supposed to make it much easier Simon. You know, when they do it.'

Ok, I believe you, but that's quite enough information thank you. It's a pity boys can't manage such a convenient trick.

David is never awake when Lucien and Sara go for their early morning walk up the footpath to Hawkers Bay, going down to the Lower Beach and along the sand if the tide is down far enough. I hear them leave about six thirty. They are never back before eight. I told Sandie that if she wanted, she could come in with us for an hour. I hadn't mentioned it to David. At a pinch I could go into her bed and leave her with David so they could do a bit of mutual discovery. I quite fancy myself as the facilitator for learning. Feeling brave, I put the idea to Sandie.

'What do you think of that idea Sandie?'

Lost for words, she nods enthusiastically.

'You have two more mornings before you go home. That's right isn't it?'

More nods.

'Tomorrow morning then. Shall I tell David?'


'Ok. I'll come and tell you when Lucien and Sara have left. You might still be asleep. Will it be ok to wake you?'

Open mouthed, she agrees. Then she has a request.

'Only if you're there too.'

'Yes of course.'

Best case scenario, I'm liking that idea. Imagine being part of a very young couple's heterosexual awakening? A third party, present but non-participatory, if that's a word? Just imagine it, David as the filling in the sandwich, being molested from both sides. How he'd love that.

I heard the door shut at exactly five past six this morning. There's not much light coming through the curtains so I know it's a dull day, probably that early morning drizzle they seem to get a lot of down here. It's a deep warm mist loaded with moisture. Sandie's room is next to David's parents' bedroom, just a few steps away from ours.

Her door is ajar and she's asleep, but as soon as I touch her shoulder, she wakes. A pair of round brown eyes looking at me. She's wearing a large plain pale pink tee shirt. When she pulls the bedclothes away and swings her legs off the bed and onto the floor, I can see she's wearing a pair of polka dot knickers; hundreds of small red dots on a white background. And then I look at her chest. It's like mine and David's get, but more so.

'They're nice.' I say. She smiles.

'I'm scared Simon.'

'Why? He won't bite.'

'I can't. Can we talk for a bit?'



She gets back into her bed, a single, and keeps the duvet open for me, suggesting we talk in her bed.

'You want me to come in with you ?' I ask, somewhat surprised.


'You know I'm not like David don't you?'

'Yes. He told me. It's ok.'

It's warm in there with her residual body heat. I'm inevitably very close to her. The thought of sex with a girl, of any kind, appals me, but right now the idea of being so close to another young body like hers? That's perfectly acceptable. She has such pretty eyes as I look into them. I can feel her breath on my face.

'You like boys don't you Simon?'

'Yes. I think I always will. But I'm the same as David, bodily. We have the same bits, more or less.'

'More or less?'

'His is a little different. Mine has no skin over it.'


'Yes. But otherwise it works the same way. With his you just have to move it out of the way. It's very simple. But you don't have to. With his, it usually gets itself out of the way…….naturally, so you won't have to think about that.'

'Can I see yours?'

'You mean I'm the guinea pig?'

'Yes…..if you don't mind.'

'Not at all. You could have a practice? Sort of, get used to the idea. You know, what to do with it?'

'How long does it take?'

'What, exactly?'

'Till it gets big?'

'Not long. Maybe a bit longer in my case. I've never done anything with a girl. I'm not sure what willy will think about that. He might refuse to co-operate entirely. Shall I ask him?'

'Yes. Tell him he's got to behave properly.' She says, smiling.

'Right. I think you better have a word with him. Are you ready?'

This is really a sweet moment. I could be just the educational resource Sandie needs. I really don't mind. It's rather a pleasant thought, so long as I don't have to touch her. She can do whatever she likes with me. I'll just shut my eyes and think of England. So now for of essential instruction on how to deal with boys.

'So with David, it will be all in the touching Sandie, the tenderness. Both sides of your hands, and don't tickle him. Start at the top and work down. By the time you get to the bottom, all should be well, if I know David.' Is what I said to her, plus a little biology on how and why a boy's penis changes its shape.

Sandie undoes the drawstring that secures my pyjama bottoms which is all I'm wearing. I only put them on to wake Sandie up. David and I always sleep nude. Lying on my back in this confined space is tricky but now I can explain my moving parts as she examines me in all my detail, and very obligingly, my body begins to respond. My penis is non-discriminatory. It doesn't care what's stimulating it particularly, as long as it gets what it likes. With my eyes closed, it isn't difficult to imagine Felix's soft hands and long fingers all over my chest and tummy. As I feel her hands on my face, and then my neck and shoulders, I know what's coming, eventually, and that's enough for willy. I'm watching it as the blood begins to move into him, and up she, or rather he, rises.

'Is this right?'

'Lovely. But don't be in a hurry. Just go slowly and work your way down. When you get there I'll explain.'

She does, and nicely too. It must be the difference between boys and girls. David has always been selfish. It has always been about what he wants, and as fast as possible. But that's what us boys want isn't it? Everything needs to end the right way; the best way possible, and as fast as possible. Let's face it, there's often very little time to play with. That very attractive boy Josh comes to mind again……..

'Hi Simon. You don't have a few minutes to spare do you? Be a love.'

'For what Josh?'

'I'm feeling a bit naughty. Is that ok? Just a quickie.'

'Ok. Where?'

'Same place as before. It should be free. I'm up to here with it. Five minutes? It's not going to take long.'

She asks me how she should play with a boy, and when she gets down to those bits, I tell her. Tenderly, but firmly, directed at a boy's most sensitive part. Where all those nerve endings are. David has done all this for me many times, but there's a difference. There's a gentleness here, a caring quality. But a boy is physically stronger. His hands and arms are stronger.

But this is good, what she does, and again I'm struck by her sensitivity as she handles me, this way and that. I've told her what to do, and exactly where to apply the pressure. But time is moving on. We don't have all morning. I have a decision to make. Shall I, or shall I not? In a minute or so I shall have no choice. Once I'm far enough down the line, I'll have no choice. This is probably the one and only time this will happen to me, but she's kind, this Sandie.

'If I go on like this, will your feeling come?' She asks.

I'm thinking of Felix and another meeting with him.

'A strong possibility, if you want me to? But you need to be more positive Sandie. A bit more brutal with me.' If I may use that word in a nice way.

'Even though I'm a girl? Doesn't that put you off?' She asks, momentarily stopping her ministrations.

'I don't think boys' penises think about that Sandie. They just like how it feels. You didn't answer my question. Do you want me to?'

'Yes. I want to see it.'

I have to adjust her hand slightly, and she begins again, a little quicker now. I've told her. Now she has me in exactly the right place.

I'm not looking at her and I'm certainly not touching her, and I'm having to wait longer than I want to, but I'm enjoying it, generally speaking. In our preamble, I've tutored her in how best to approach the matter in hand and despite a degree of clumsiness, I think there's a sporting chance that we'll get there if I can get my thoughts in order. Felix. It's all about him, lying there, looking at me like that.

He's in my head now, nicely. We're back in the long grass and he's letting me play with him. We're both still dressed but I'm making good progress. It's the touching, and just that one image of my boy. This is good. This is very good. It's all working nicely now. Another minute and Sandie is going to witness what boys do.

And then? Oh dear. My image of Felix has drifted away, as has everything else.

She has her head on my chest and her hand on my now flaccid penis. She's resting, as indeed am I. I think the waiting had an effect. I have to say it was just as good as David could have done when we first started years ago.

But she's still playing with me, and five more minutes of very pleasant stimulation has brought a result of sorts. That's all part of it for Sandie.

'Is that it Simon?' She asks.

'No. Like it, but not it . Something different. It's complicated. I'll tell you if you want to know?'

She did want to know so I told her.

'It's nice.' She says touching it with the tip of one finger. Then I touch it, and then touch my tongue.

'Can I?'

Of course you can. No adverse reaction.

And then she turns over. I know what she's thinking. That queer boys are fixated on bottoms. Some are no doubt, as I am.

With my hand on her back, I feel her lower down. She obliges by moving higher in the bed. With her narrow hips I'm sure there's no difference between the genders here. It didn't feel like David, but it could have been Felix, or indeed the beautiful Ryan. Yes, Ryan. Exactly like Ryan.

Sandie seems to have no objection as I delve in between and a little deeper, but Sandie is not Ryan. But with my mind wandering, this is pleasure enough.

We're ready now. The move onto David.

She's naked apart from a variation on the polka dot pants theme. Blue dots this morning. I really don't want to look at all of her, but I can see her bare chest thinking how much David would like to run his hands over that expanse of undulating flesh with certain features. I look at the two small mounds. They look enlarged, a deep pink, and excited. Just remember what I told you Sandie. Where to start, what to do first, what a boy wants more than anything, but remember, make him wait. Play with those little egg-shaped things. That's essential. But make him wait. There is no pleasure without a degree of painful delay. Remember what I told you sweetheart. It will work, I can assure you.

I help Sandie into David's bed, the far side with the sleeping David facing her. I walk round the foot of the bed and creep in behind David's back. He's still slumbering nicely and unaware of Sandie. The flesh I'm looking at could be Felix, or Ryan's even. I can't see Sandie apart from her hand on David's head, then ears, hair, neck, and finally his face, so gently. Do it like a boy would do it. Like I do it.

He'll think it's me.

Slowly the boy stirs, gradually becoming aware of the hands on him. He probably thinks it's me. But not for long.

David begins to move. I imagine the truth is dawning on him. The first time in his young life that he is sharing that confined and intimate space with a girl. Isn't that what he wants more than anything now?

Soon he will wake and know the truth. I have never let him down, not even once. He has never been disappointed, only purely fulfilled. And then when he turns onto his back, as he surely will, as he always does, there are other expanses of flesh to stimulate, other places to go, and other things to do and be enjoyed.

His back is turned away from me as his dawn breaks. As mush as I want to, I can't touch him. Not now. There's hand on his hip. I carefully take it and guide it. The hand has moved and I can't see it. David's arm has moved too. It's been five minutes now. As their two heads come together, I know I should leave them now. Can I be a witness to this? Morning has broken for David and Sandie. As for me, Felix will be waiting.

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