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You are here: Home > Story Shelf > All Authors > Rafael Henry > Omnia Vincit Amor | Chapter 5 | Rafael Henry

Omnia Vincit Amor

by Rafael Henry

Chapter 5

Raphael and Michael

I knocked on Raphael's door having just left Felix and Peter to their rest time. A voice within bid me enter.

'Oh hello Mike. Take a pew.'

There are no chairs apart from the one he's sitting on at his desk over to the left of the room. He swivels round, pen in hand which he turns and puts down on the desk top strewn with papers.

'Oh, sorry. Take the weight off your feet. You must be exhausted by now. It's all a bit full-on isn't it. Use the bed……but take your shoes off.' He says, smiling and raising his eyebrows. 'Sorry to be bossy.' He adds, spinning around to face me as I do what I'm told.

'Mind if I join you? Don't worry, I'm not going to jump on you!'

He's lying beside me leaving a safe distance between us, after his little joke.

'Been next door?'

'If you mean Felix and Peter's Cube, then yes, just for a couple of minutes.'

'Peter's nice isn't he? And perfect for Felix. You couldn't have matched CP'S better.'

'Yes he's…….quite quiet but they seem pretty good friends.'

'No other thoughts then?'

'No, other than………'

'Than what? Come on, your thoughts please Michael.'

'He's very charming. They both are. Very nice looking. I'm not going to be drawn further than that.' I said, trying to stop Raphael pressing me further on the aesthetic qualities of Peter's physical attributes, that's to say, plenty .

'Did you notice his mouth Michael? You don't mind discussing the boys do you?'

'No of course not, and yes I did notice, as it happens. One of those mouths.'

'Indeed. Wide and a top lip that reminds me of Dali's Mae West sofa. Do you know that piece?'

'I do, yes. And I agree, just like it. I knew another boy with a mouth like that.'

'Not the one you slept next to? That problem child?'

'Oh, you know about that?'

'Of course I know about that Mike! We check with your school. Remember?'

'Oh yes. And it was him, my nemesis. It didn't scupper my chances here?'

'Not at all! That could happen to anyone. You were unlucky with him. It could all have been different. You stuck your hand in one night in a mad moment without his say so? Correct?'

'Two nights actually. Well you know what happened.'

'Not even a handful?'

'No, I'd have remembered. I knew there wasn't really anything to get hold of. He was very secretive about……..'

'His lack of endowment?'

'Yes. I had a bit of thing for him for years. Ever since he came up to us from Junior boarding. He was so cute. I'd just had good news about the HE music course I had set my heart on, and I suppose I loved everyone at that time and assumed they loved me. I was slightly wrong on that one.'

'Umm. I'm sad for you Michael. Human frailty again. And sex, as you know. I think what they did was wrong too. To put a senior boy in the next bed to a more junior boy like that, especially one like that with a Mae West mouth. That's just not fair.'

'Umm. But it's ok here? Amongst the boys.'

'Yes, for the older hands, literally. No one else. We would never allow that here. Two boys together in the right context. That's different. There are always going to be problems if you put older boys next to attractive younger ones. Feelings; emotions; they run high during puberty and adolescence. Boys lose their sense of……..anything and everything. Then someone gets hurt. In your case, two people, possibly. That's a shame. Please don't let it ruin your life? You won't will you?'

'I'll try not to let it do that, but I'm horrible sad with myself. I'll never get the chance to apologize to him. Never.'

'Then what you can't do, you can't do. You have much to achieve in this life. Make amends that way. With what you do now and in your future.'

'I'll try.' I said, my eyes beginning to water, and Raphael saw. He turns towards me.

'It's all very raw still. Poor boy. Give it time. Give us time too. We would like you to come here Michael. That's our offer. Let us know as soon as you can will you? For sure? Speaking personally, I want you here and what I say goes a long way. I want you Michael. Do you know what Michael? That boy Simon is probably regretting the incident too. It's very likely he elaborated somewhat. If he's anything at all, he'll be feeling guilty about it.'

'I did receive a letter. Not from him, obviously, but from another boy with whom I played nice games with three years before. Another Peter as it happens. Usual story, the boy in the next bed to mine. I don't remember how it started, him or me. Me probably. It starts with looking at each other, I think. Then one of you waggles a hand under the covers as a hint. The other one waggles his in reply, showing that he's taken the hint and wants to go to the next stage.'

'What's that?'

'Pulling the bed clothes out half way down. Access wanted. His access. He shows you the front of his pyjamas and you do the same. It's a weird form of foreplay I suppose. Then he undoes his pyjama bottoms and you get to see him and he gets to see you. Then the hands go in and Bob's your uncle. I always preferred to be the last to have the attention we desperately needed. Rather sweet really, when I think back.'

'And now it's all over?'

'Probably. By the way, why is it that Vestals, as you call them, are not allowed to play, even with themselves. That's a bit harsh isn't it?'

'No, we don't think it is. It teaches them the value of self-denial. Anyway, the vast majority don't even know what it. It doesn't stop them fiddling with themselves all day long. You always know what's going on under the table. So I call them up to my desk so I can have a quick look. I realise that's a bit naughty but really quite innocent.'

I thought about that for a minute, recalling the various times I got called up with a very stiff willy safely tucked away in my pants.

'You know it doesn't have to be all over Michael. I'll just say that. Romances to happen here…….amongst the Supervisors.'

I imagine that they do, which reminded me of the alternative Eton Boating song which was very recently directed at me. I turned towards him, convinced that I was in the presence of someone I can trust. There's no point in hiding anything. He went on…….

'I love these boys Michael. It's like bathing in a sea of beauty. I love them when they're down, and when they are up; and when they're in between. I love them when they are making love, one with another. Especially then, in those moments when they lay bare their entire beings and become like shining golden gods, crying with the sheer joy of it all, and being what they want to be. Just boys, all for each other, and for me. Do you think you could too?'

'Oh yes, very easily. From what Felix has shown me.'

'Good. It's what we are here. You may as well know that fact. Just to go back to the shape of Peter's mouth for a moment. He's a musician Michael, to use a boy's word.

I needed an explanation, which I got. Peter makes music in more ways than one. He sings, as I did at his age, and he plays an instrument too. How cryptic! And how interesting.

'You may as well know these little details Mike. I mean, what better way is there to be best friends than make music together?'

Imagining what he really meant by that coded question…….

'No better way, I guess. But all that's very sophisticated for boys this age is it not?'

'Everything is discussed Mike, as tricky subjects arise. Sex is a good example. All boys want to know about sex; what people, in our case prepubescent boys and those about to enter puberty, or in a few cases, those who are already experiencing it, actually do sexually and how it's done. Didn't you want to know? Here we tell them, as and when it becomes relevant. They all know how babies are made; how they were conceived and so on. But it's the other stuff they have no idea about. They start to take a serious interest in their own bodies. They ask why their penis goes hard like it does, and how that works, anywhere and at inconvenient times on occasions. They can't produce semen so they ask when will they be able to. So we talk about puberty and what's going to happen well before it does. They have either masturbated already or have heard boys talk about it and want to know about that. Is it wrong, and all those familiar issues. The best ways to do it. We tell them that here they will not make a habit of it. Nine and ten-year-olds do not masturbate. If they do we will know and there are sanctions. They can do it at home during the holidays if they want to, and that's fine. But they know they can't do it here. Not until later. No boy at any age is allowed to masturbate on their own. No solo stuff here Michael. It's a case of take your partners boys, even if that's an arrangement where you both share ideas and activities, not sex. Take Felix and Peter for example. Both are highly sexed and need one another for that. And other kinds of emotional support too. It works for them. But in time they will go separate ways. Peter will grow into a fully homosexual adult, just as Felix will undoubtedly find a female partner who is very fertile and also highly sexed like he is, and in pretty short order, they will have a family of bubbling and virile boys and girls. Peter looks to Felix for guidance, a bit of wise counselling, and above all, love. And it is love Michael. Peter loves Felix in the way he's always going to love another boy, and eventually another man. Felix loves Peter for just that. He's such a lovable person and Peter is a great provider.'

'That's where his mouth comes in?' I said, joking. At least I meant it as a joke.

'And why not? Have you been to the pool yet?'

'Yes. Felix took me there. He persuaded me to go in.'

'How was that then?' Raphael asks, smiling.

'Lovely. All of it. A sort of panoramic experience. I have to say your boys look in great shape.'

'That's all part of it. Mind and body. We get a few boys starting here in terrible physical shape which will retard their progress if we left them like that. It's hard for them to begin with, but in three months we can transform them into something far more energetic, both mentally and physically, and oddly I suppose, sexually. As the fat drops off them, they gain a confidence they never would have had. They know they look better. They can see their penis properly for the first time when they cast an eye downwards. They have earned respect. It's a major achievement for them, and their parents love it too. They can take their bodies into the pool and be proud Michael. You only have to see it to believe. All that contributes to their academic learning too. It's holistic living here Michael. By the way, you can shower if you want to? It's just over there.'

'Not just now thank you. Maybe later? Our conversation is far too interesting!'

'Good. Rest Time is very important here too. Most boys read until their eyes close and they might snooze for a while. Or it's a chance to cuddle up with your partner. They get so tired, bedtime usually means sleep time. Mornings can be quite an active time for boys as you will know.'

'Active?'

'Umm. Some will wake before the rising bell. I don't need to tell you do I?'

'No. No you don't.'

Changing the subject, I asked Raphael about the uniform.

'Oh that was me, mostly. We agreed the old one was out of date and we needed something the boys would actually enjoy wearing and would show them off a bit. We get them in such good shape that it's a shame to waste an opportunity to show the world, and each other, how beautiful a boy's natural form is. So, we consulted a fashion designer, a parent actually, who put a few ideas together. We teamed up with a small clothing manufacturer in Leicester. A lovely Asian family. Clever people. After a couple of experimental versions we could tweak, we came up with what you see today. Everything is tailored to enhance the figure. We decided that the pants should not be too brief so the waistband would show just a tiny bit above the shorts, but cut sharply up the boys' hips, but not too much. We had a lengthy debate about how short the shorts should be. I'm pretty happy with the results.'

'You should be. The boys look amazing.'

'Good, thank you. And we dictate the size of the garments the boys wear. Size one up to an eight. We pre-order batches of everything, including the navy jumpers, but not the sandals. The polo shirts all have a chest pocket for odd things they might to have with them, but there's no need for conventional pockets, so boys can't walk around with their hands in them. The pockets are not big enough for hands. We had a debate about the waistband but opted for elasticated ones so when the boys need to pee, shorts and pants come down easily in one go. That eliminated the need for a zip fly which makes the front part nice and flat with just the single stitched seam down the middle. They are a very snug fit between the legs so the older boys can show themselves off a bit. They like that. It impresses the little ones no end. The odd snigger might be heard. The only problems we might encounter are with the occasional older boy who is developing rather quickly, like Felix is, and feels a bit awkward. Not that Felix feels awkward about it. He doesn't. Quite the opposite. He loves it, being noticed by a cute little Vestal. The shorts can be very revealing, front and back. Most are fine with it, but the odd one might ask if he can move up one size…….or two! We will either agree, or not, depending.'

'On what?'

'Whether we want them to…….or not. The answer is usually 'request denied'.'

'Felix looks……how can I put this…….a bit restricted down there?'

'Oh he's due to move up one. All these Cubes are due an Inspection this week.'

'Inspection? What's that?'

'A Health Inspection Michael. We, or I in this case, check the boys out for any health problems. How they are feeling generally in themselves, any aches and pains, are they still hungry after meals, do they get thirsty when they shouldn't be, do they get headaches, are they sleeping properly, are other things working alright; things like painful peeing or orgasms that might indicate a UTI. That sort of thing. Anal irritation is a common problem, so we need to have a look up there for any inflammation, especially with the boys we know to be sexually active. They often worry about their semen. Does it look right? Why has it gone milky? What's in it? Those sort of questions that boys at a certain age are usually concerned with. Felix wanted to know if he might have any active sperm in his semen, so we looked at his sample under a microscope, at his request I might add. I would never suggest it. But if I think it's a genuine worry, then that's different. In this case I'm sure he was also curious about it, and why shouldn't he be? We encourage them to explore don't we? That's a perfect Natural Science topic is it not?' Raphael says with a broad smile. Which prompts another question from me.

'So how does he supply a sample? Do you stand there with an egg cup waiting for the boy to ejaculate into it?'

' He has to do it Michael. That's the only way I know of.'

'Right there in front of you?'

'Find a friend Mike, in this case, none other than Peter Eagel, his trusted and loved CP. He couldn't do it sitting up because his erection is quite vertical and we wouldn't get the stuff in the rather small test tube without it going all over the shop so we got him to lie down and think of England while Peter milks him dry and I catch it in the TT. It worked a treat. Then down to the Biology lab keeping the stuff warm all the way and double quick to have a good look while it's still warm and cuddly. Tons of the little blighters, tales wagging like a pack of deranged doggies. Felix was thrilled. I think he saw a dynasty there. His very own football team in the making. Good job Peter's a boy and not a girl.'

Oh gosh. Is Raphael implying something here? I think he is.

'They don't……… do it , do they?'

'It's been known Mike. Put it that way shall we? We had long chats about this issue, especially with Peter. I was concerned, obviously, about any longer term thoughts he may have about it. I told them it was ill-advised but I did explain a few things they ought to know before they actually did anything. There are Health and Safety issues here so I have to explain the do's and don'ts. However I think they ignored my advice, but at least they knew what to do to be safe.'

'How do you know that?'

'I need to know everything they do Mike. And I do know everything that they do, in public and in private. I suppose I don't have to know but I do know.'

'Do they know you know?'

'A lot of no's here, but no they don't, and they won't.'

'So; how do you know?'

'Ever heard of a baby alarm Michael?'

'Yes of course, but I've never needed one!'

'You just plug it in. It's very simple, and remarkably effective. Do you want a listen? Don't worry, there are no visuals. Sound tells you what's going on, and what they say. I don't need to know everything . That's enough to be going on with.'

'Good gracious. That's how you know?'

'Yes, you've got it in one.'

'Where is this…….device?'

'Out of sight Mike. It's a tiny thing attached to the wall, low down between the two beds and behind the little bedside cupboard. Every word Mike, every sound, every movement. That might sound intrusive and rather draconian but it's all on a need to know basis . If things are going wrong, I need to know. If things are going well, I need to know that too. Simple. It's all wireless and it transmits to a speaker, or headphones in here. They're actually better because they block any other sounds. Want a listen?'

'Umm.'

'They've been down for almost a half hour so they're settled now I would think. On the display here you can switch from Cube to Cube. You've got six to chose from. Felix and the Eagel are in Cube 1, so they're right next door to us just through the wall behind us. You can't hear enough through the wall.'

Raphael hands me the on-ear set. There's nothing audible from number 1 Cube, apart from the sound of very light breathing coming from one of the boys. It's a very pleasant listen, the sound of a boy asleep. Lying there with a hand between his legs no doubt.

'Anything?' Asks Raphael.

'No, just a bit of boy breath.'

'Oh, that's a shame. You're unlucky. Rest time is usually a good time. Keep them on while we talk. By the way, how long can you stay here today? We're enjoying your company.'

'I haven't really thought about it. I assumed……..'

'You're very welcome to stay?'

'How long?'

'Until the boys are in bed tonight; or later? There's plenty of room here.'

'Here?'

'Yes, right where you are now. Don't worry Mike, nothing is expected of you if you stay tonight. Are you expected home? Presumably you are?'

'Well, yes and no. I can leave a message for them.'

'Great. You can help me do some supervising then. You might enjoy that. I'm sure Felix would like you to say goodnight to them both. You haven't met Peter yet?'

'No. What's he like?'

'As I mentioned earlier, he's a boy who likes to be led. Felix makes the decisions in the relationship and eager Peter goes along with anything he says. He's an underneath, if that means anything?'

'It might. Do you mean he's………..?'

'Yes, precisely that.'

'Your kidding?'

'No Michael. This is 2024. In my day giving head was totally taboo, although we all knew about it, but assumed it was for adults only. Things have changed, what with social media and all that. By the age of thirteen, almost all of them have watched porn of some sort. Not here obviously, but in school holidays they meet up with friends at home and that's where all the information comes from. The thing is that here they are allowed a lot of freedom in how they express their feelings for one other person. There's no free-for-all stuff where boys have a sexual encounter with this person and then a day later, that person. If they need to do things, they can, but with a CP, which is intended to be a mutually beneficial arrangement. Felix knew that it might be fun to slide his penis into something warm and tight, which belongs to an attractive boy who will admire him, compliment him on virtually everything he does, and has developed a deep natural human desire. Failing that, and far more often, play mouth music for him. You must agree that both of those things beats a hand?'

'Yes, probably, now you mention it. But my experience is a bit limited.'

'If that boy who objected to your advances recently had pulled you on top of him with his legs spread wide and his knees held up high and showed you his heavily lubricated juicy little bud, what would you have done?'

'Umm. Good point.' I said, taking a deep breath.

'Well then. Stay tonight and go and have a chat with Felix and Peter at bedtime, while I do the others. Settle them down, turn their light out and come back here and have a listen on the baby monitor. I doubt if they will go straight to sleep. They never do. I let them chat about their day for a bit, or whatever, then there's quiet and they're up to something or they're not. Either way, it's quiet and the others can sleep. I give them half an hour usually. They are pretty busy in the long day and they are very tired by eight. In the morning they ablute generally, shower and get dressed. You can take the early turn with me and supervise the first lot in the showers. They're the first and second years; the Vestals as they are known as. Bear in mind that there's no willy fiddling allowed so they can be interesting priapic when they first wake up. It's a kind of feast of little and large down there. So you'll stay?' Raphael asks, suppressing a laugh.

Goodness, how can I say no.

'Err, yes, thanks. I will. Thank you'.

'Good, so that's settled then. And you'll need to check them an hour after you put their light out. What was that boy's name again? Your nemesis?'

'Simon.'

'Oh yes, simple Simon. Felix wouldn't have minded. Quite the opposite. I had a chat with him at lunch by the way. That's when I made the decision about you. Actually Felix decided so you can thank him personally. He wants you here. I think it was the fact that you were prepared to swim nude that did it for him. You're right up his street Mike. Right up it, and as far as you can get by the sound of it. Felix wouldn't be complaining like your Simon. Eager Peter would be demanding your attention too no doubt. Sorry that was very remiss of me. By the way, did you want to shower? You must feel a bit dusty after all this excitement.'

'Actually I would like to.'

'You'll find some shower gel in there and there's a clean towel for you on the rail. The pink one. If you'd like some fresh undergear, there's some in the cupboard over there.' He said, pointing. 'I wear what the boys wear. What's good for them is good for me. But not those shorts. At night they have sleepies, if they want them. Most boys don't bother in the summer months and just sleep nude. They're made from the same fabric we use for the pants and are cut into a sort of tunic shape, slightly longer than a tee but not too long. About nether region height on most of them. They can go down to shower in the morning either with or without. The corridors can be a bit cool in winter but now the weather is warm, most go down in skins, so don't be surprised if a group of boys pass you by on the stairs stark naked. Just ignore them. You need to be properly dressed, that goes without saying.'

'There was one thing I was wondering about. Where exactly will I be sleeping?'

'In here if that's ok? Sorry I should have mentioned it. This is a super king so there will be plenty of space between us. You ok with that?'

Not much choice actually. I appear to have a job here and in a matter of a few hours I'm in bed with the Deputy Head, as Raphael checks his mobile phone.

'I noticed that here. Not one boy have I seen looking at one of those things.'

'No, not allowed here. They can bring their phones to school each term but they hand them in on the first day.'

'So what's the point in that then?'

'They don't want to leave them at home. They wouldn't want their people snooping on their various activities would they? And occasionally they can use them for creative purposes, only. Like making short videos. It means we can check them too.'

'Why?'

'There's a world-wide mini epidemic going on Mike. Boys making selfie videos. Tic Toc started it all off, so they say. Posting silly videos.'

'What kind of videos?'

'Naughty ones Mike.'

'What…….exactly?'

'They set up their phone somewhere and pose in front of it, and do something entertaining, like a dance or……….something.'

'Something?'

'Yes. Like a little strip show ending up with them naked. It's a very immature little game they play. It comes with their first sexual awareness. They can then show it to their friends. It's an advance on the old 'show me yours and I'll show you mine' bedroom caper. Quite funny really. Some of them go a bit further into erotic territory.'

'Really?'

'You're not aware of this worrying trend?'

'No. Not at all.'

'It's quite something these days. The parents have no idea what these boys, and girls, get up to. Girls playing with little brother, big brother playing with little sister, brother playing with brother, two friends being silly together. Any combination possible.'

'So how far does it go?'

'Displaying erections; and some quite serious sexual encounters too.'

'Like?'

'Oh, anal stuff and a good deal of fellating going on, right to the end. Some of it quite heavy stuff, particularly with the youngest who want to show the results to the older boys. Needless to say, they would love to see two little boys engaged in one of the standard games. That's not to say the older boys don't indulge. They do.'

'Gosh. Do you do anything about it?'

'No.'

Then there's a silence while I absorb all this.

'When and where do they do all this Raphael?'

'At home in the holidays. Certainly not here.'

'And what do they do with all…..that material?'

'Share it amongst themselves. It's a chain reaction Michael. One boy makes a video of himself and shows another boy. Then he goes off and makes one himself. Before they know it, they've all had a go. And not necessarily just themselves. As I said, others get involved. It will only take one of them to show it to the wrong person. It's a serious problem.'

Another silence.

'Is that Felix then?'

'Yes, and with the eager Peter Eagel. The family homes are close to one another so it's easy peasy. Up in the bedroom together when dad's at work and mum's out having her hair done. Sister too, if she's allowed.'

'Good grief. And you check their phones?'

'Yes. I can plug them in and bob's your uncle. When the kids get their phones back they'll find everything is still there. I won't act as a censor. They wouldn't give it a second thought. If I deleted everything they would just make more of it. They'd just bring them back the next term with a few more rude videos on them. I might have had quite a collection by now. The Supervisors are warned about this issue. One or two might be tempted. But we look after their devices for them. Sometimes they need them to communicate with home, but only if they really need to for some genuine reason. They will come and ask for them and have to supply a valid reason. We are device free here, except for educational purposes which we can closely control. I keep them all in this room, over there.' He says, pointing to the corner of the room. 'I have classes this afternoon but you're welcome to drift around the place by yourself or amuse yourself here. All the kids' phones that have dubious content on them , about a quarter of them , have a security info label on the front if you want access. There are field activities going on, or the pool is always open. Tea is at four thirty, supper at six thirty. Then Activities and then bed. That's when you come in. Useful for you to get the feel of it all as you'll be doing it soon. I need to see the Chief as well to get things finalized for you. The boys come up at seven thirty, undress and wash etcetera, then you can chat with them. Turn their light out around eight fifteen and come back in here. I won't disturb you, I promise. I suppose you might want to know about the stuff on their phones too. Help yourself to anything. Ok? I'll see you at Tea, maybe?'

I missed 'Tea' as I preferred to stroll around the grounds after my perusal of Peter Eagel's mobile phone. There must be fifteen pieces of video footage on it; some featuring Felix on his own or set up so both of them can 'perform' for the camera. A third person is also involved in a couple. There's not much I don't know now about what these two boys get up to in their spare time at home, in fact there's nothing I don't know. I can't possibly describe it all here, so I'll leave it to your imagination. None of it was ugly, in fact it all seemed to be the result of a deep affection held by both boys for their partner. Raphael had described Felix as a 'fertile'. I can believe that now. He appears not to have any pubic hair yet which is surprising given his productivity in the later performances brought about by the handy Peter, aided by very mobile and expert lips and tongue. It was around two hours-worth, far too much to absorb in one session. Felix's device mirrored Peter's but featured several other boys demonstrating titillating and erotic behaviour, as clothing was slowly removed to reveal the excited boy underneath, both front and back, and in perfect detail, and then masturbating to a successful conclusion, alone or in company. Not at any time was an older person present; until I realised to my deep concern that by witnessing these acts, albeit second hand, there was another person there. Me. I am that person. It was as if Felix and Peter had done all this for me, as the boys turn towards the camera and smile, showing me lovely white teeth, and one open mouth, full of Felix. Two clever boys, both of whom I find deeply arousing, shamefully, but I do. Simon seems to be a long way back in my history now. It was just a month ago. Now I shall be confronted by Felix and Peter.

In fifteen minutes I am to meet Peter for the second time. I saw him in the pool this morning waiting patiently, leaning against the wall, nude, hands behind his back, looking straight at me. In a few minutes I shall see him again, with Felix. I shall talk with them, watch them prepare for bed, bid them sleep well and…….well, just that.

A little later.

I waited, sitting on Felix's bed, or litter, as the boys call them. They arrived together at just past seven thirty, Peter opening the privacy curtain first. He stopped, looked at me for a moment, and then recognizing me, he smiles. I give him a smile back as he stood there, Felix just behind him, his hands either side of his best mate's hips. I guessed that he knew I'd be there waiting for them. He stood long enough for me to look him up, and then down. Peter looked the complete picture in his dinky little shorts. What an inspired choice that was, as they show about three quarters of the boy's thighs. He has 'good legs', as Raphael said this morning.

'Why not let the boys show them off Michael, if they have them, and most do. Company policy.'

Quite. That's not all they show, despite most of them lightly endowed; but not all. Felix 'shows' very well, in almost every detail. As Raphael pointed out, the best way for a boy to show best, is to put him in the right size, both the outer and the under things. From what I've seen, the Supervisors are getting it right every time.

Then Peter approaches me between the two beds, turns and sits himself on his bed, bends to undo the buckles of his brown leather open-toed sandals, slips his feet out and pushes them under the bed, leaving his feet in white ankle socks. He sits up straight with his hands on the edge of the bed either side of his hips, looking at me again. I don't know why I used that word but I did.

'You look tired darling?' I said quietly. I felt my face warm as I said the word. I should not have used that word.

The boy nods and then looks down so I can see all the lengthy curly white blond hair. Oh, to run my fingers through that lot.

I can feel Felix's leg against mine as he sits next to me. I glance sideways at him, to my left. He's looking at Peter. Peter looks away from me and transfers to Felix with tired eyes. I thought he was going to cry. Wrong. That's the expression he wears when he wants something.

'Peter needs help Mike.'

'With what?'

'Getting ready for bed. I usually do it. Will you please? He wants you to.'

Peter looked back at me waiting to see what I would do. Then his arms go up. The signal for the process of glorious revelation to begin. Should I?

I thought of Simon, my recent nemesis. Surely this is different? This is allowed?

I looked at the dark pigmented circles that are either side of the boy's now bared chest, prominent and hard as they appear to be. Felix puts out a hand to feel one, tweaking it between first finger and thumb. And then the other one. I know what he's trying to do as Peter looks down. Such beautiful beautiful hair, his ears barely visible through it.

'Stand up Peter!' Orders Felix sharply. 'Mike can't undress you like that can he.'

Peter obeys, still looking down. Now there's a distinct bump there. I put out both hands, fingers inside the waistband of Peter's shorts, at the front, sliding them sideways and at the same time, pulling downwards until they are clear of his underpants and the revealed forms within, now very slightly swollen. Peter is a boy who appears to enjoy being undressed. At this point I can't do any more and Felix has realised that. I move sideways so Felix can sit opposite the boy and do the profoundly pleasurable task of exposing this perfect creature. Felix rolls over the waistband several times making the garment as brief as it could be. And then, gently pulling at the front, and downwards, out pop the boy's private parts, the foreskin naturally retracted back a little and leaving a small dark circle, the meatus now distinctly visible and open.

Peter steps out of the delightful garment, visibly more swollen now. He's uncircumcised and healthy looking, as the skinny excess reduces as the blood continues to flow into the slender organ. A hand goes in between the boy's legs supporting, gently, the two oval forms that will, one day soon, produce sperm laden semen. The penis is now completely hard, taking on a distinctly upwards curve as Felix lowers his head.

I have left this delightful scene, but as I leave, just as a mere shadow now, I take a backward look…….

Peter is playing with Felix's ears, and running fingers through his hair, lovingly, just as Felix is loving him in a way I suspect he's very used to doing. I have never had that pleasure with any boy, ever. Felix detaches and looks to his right and back at me, the departing shadow. Peter sits down on the edge of his bed, moves his body back towards the wall and raises his legs and places his feet on the edge to allow Felix to remove the pair of white ankle socks. With his knees bent and high, apart now, he's laid himself open.

I stared at Peter for a half minute. Open like that .

'You will come back later won't you?' I hear, but cannot see.

I left the Cube and turned to re-draw the privacy curtain and saw Felix kneeling over Peter. With the privacy curtain closed I went back to Raphael's room not knowing quite what to think. I have just seen the beginnings of two boys making love together and I'm in a perfect tizzy, breathing deeply and I'm excited. Very. I sat on Raphael's bed to compose myself thinking of what might have been with Simon, my nemesis. How could I have got that so horribly wrong? Answer; easily.

The set of headphones were on the bed near one of the pillows. I put them on. Nothing. Then I saw the multi-socketed device half hidden behind the far pillow. There were numbers on it, from 1 to 6. I put the jack lead into socket number 3 to listen for any sound coming from Felix and Peter's Cube. There's the sound of breathing. And then low voices, little more than whispers.

'Not yet Peter. I want to wait.'

'Why?'

'Michael's coming back. I want to wait until then.'

Then it all goes quiet. Peter will do as he's told. He has to wait. After another couple of minutes I switched to number 6. No sounds. Then number 2. There were metallic sounds which I thought were those horrible bed springs consisting of metal hooks which joined springs together and made a noise whenever you moved in bed. Especially if you're doing something you need to do after lights out. Most of us did, not just once before sleep, but occasionally up to three times a night; and then again in the morning if you woke up before the rising bell sounded. When you're twelve or thirteen, needs must. But someone in Cube number 2 is pleasuring himself, or someone.

I listened for another minute before I heard a faint sigh, the bed spring sounds having stopped, which I imagined to be the boy's orgasm achieved. Good for him. I hope it was a nice one. Listening to it has me aroused.

The sounds. That's what really does it for me. Five years ago, back in Dorm 1, we all did it, and in the warmer months, with the bedclothes pushed down over our legs so all was revealed, the erect penises, some long, some not so long, some thicker than others, and each boy striving to achieve the same result. The strongest orgasm possible, and the better it was, the more sounds came out, involuntarily, along with more or less of the sticky stuff; some boys nothing at all apart from one small bead of that familiar clear viscous solution, the first sign of better things to come. With the room well-lit due to the thin curtains, I look sideways onto the next bed, delaying, and watch my neighbour ejaculate in several little jets onto his tummy, an inspiration indeed to follow suit, along with that sigh of relief and satisfaction. I always knew when he was close, as I would be, waiting, and then let go all I could muster; not much compared to Jack. And then Elias in the bed opposite, who would do it with his knees right up and back and wide apart knowing I might be watching, bedclothes right off him, giving me the perfect view of his anal region and perineum as it visibly pulsed deep within, sending his sperm upwards and into the world, warm and inviting. Happy days indeed. Elias likes to be seen. I wonder what Simon could achieve, had he given me the chance? I suspect it would all have been a disappointment. What was it that Felix said?

'Oh, that boy is a dry bone.'

A dry bone, another example of their coded communication.

But who was responsible for that well-satisfied sigh in Cube number 2? I'd quite like to know.

I parted the privacy curtain, slowly, and peeked in. There's enough light to see what, if anything, is going on. Nothing is. Just two beds with a boy in each one, both appearing to be asleep now. But let's have a closer look. One boy in the left-hand bed is on his left side and there's his right arm hanging over the edge, just a few inches off the ground. On the ground is a crumpled-up tissue. I bet I know what's in that, and it didn't come from his nose.

I'm too curious to resist. I creep in and pick the object up and put it to my nose. There's a slight perfume there and I recognize it. I take a very slow, deep intake of breath through my nose, whilst feeling the soft impregnated material in my fingers pressed against my nostrils, all gone cool now, those profound fleeting moments of deep joy for the boy, over and forgotten. Until the next time. I look at the boy's face, calm in sleepy repose. Is this a deed he did for himself or did his partner opposite do the deed for him I wonder? Pretty boy, sleep well I whisper, as I move a lock of his light brown hair away from his eye. It would be so easy now; to lift the covers and have a look? He'll be a pretty boy in more places than just his face I'll be bound. Now, guilty man, retreat to your place of sanctuary!

'How did you find Felix and Peter?' Asks Raphael.

'In good form. I see what you mean about Peter. He seems quite keen doesn't he?'

'Yes he is. I imagine Felix was true to form and wanted to impress you?'

'Umm. I left, but not before I found out a bit more about Peter. He looks even more impressive with his clothes off. My presence didn't seem to inhibit the getting ready for bed routine one bit.'

'Good. Just as it should be. We don't value inhibitions here.'

'Evidently. I had a listen in by the way. Cube number 2. Unfortunately one of the beds has squeaky bed springs.'

'They both have. Did you investigate?'

'Yes, and both boys were asleep by then.'

'That's the effect pleasure seeking has on these chaps. It makes them sleepy. You weren't tempted then I do hope?'

'To do what?'

'Or was it once bitten, twice shy?' He said laughing. I didn't answer Raphael's very pointed question.

'Felix asked me to go back later. Should I?'

'He'll try something on, and it won't be a clean pair of pants. But if he wants you, you had better do as you're told, or it might be a bad report.'

'Oh dear. Can't risk that. I'll leave it a half hour.'

'Have a listen first. Best not to interrupt anything, in the unlikely event. It's not an every night thing, although they are both very sexual boys, especially Peter.'

'He's unbearably pretty don't you think?'

'Yes, isn't he just. He's a boy who wouldn't complain, unlike your nemesis Simon , not that he has anything to complain about here. None of them have. All the Supervisors are impeccably behaved towards our boys. Let me tell you a few more things about this place Michael. We get inspected too. Not by Ofsted, the Office for Standards in Education, that nasty Government lot that scare the living daylights out of all the state schools and cause general misery all round; but by an independent inspection service that looks at most of the privately run businesses like ours. You might think that our views on nudity are a bit radical, but look at that particular issue logically. Would an inspector object to the boys showering naked after a Games session in the mud? No he, or she wouldn't. So why can't they swim nude then? They see each other naked in the showers, so why not in the swimming pool too?

'Because it's not necessary to be naked in the pool is it?'

'True. But that's our choice. Ask the parents if they object. None of them have thus far. They think it's a very healthy and valuable pursuit.'

'That leads to an increased risk of sexual behaviour, surely?'

'Possibly. If a boy want to explore his sexuality with another, they can always find ways and places to do it, surely? A swimming pool is a good place to notice other boys whether they are naked or not. If they are naked, then……..'

'And there's this thing about total cleanliness after a BM?'

'We don't see the need for a boy to go about the place with an irritated and sore bottom Mike. And it's his own bottom he needs to keep clean; no one else's.'

'And the uniform doesn't sexualize the boys?'

'No, not at all. It just makes them feel good about themselves, and makes them better to look at, as it happens. It's a matter of presentation. A little pride in their appearance.'

'And there's a lot to look at around here.'

'Yes there is. We look and listen but we don't touch Mike.'

'But bullying must go on? It does in all schools surely?'

'Not here. Take your nemesis Simon as an example. He went to great lengths to hide his body you said, probably due to the size of his private parts. Why? Because he thought he would attract comments that would be upsetting for him, so to avoid that chance, the other boys don't get to see his penis; ever. That wouldn't happen here because they see each other nude all the time. They know that boys differ in many ways and one way they differ is in the size and shape of their bits. If we suspect a boy is commenting on the physical appearance of another, he is spoken to in no uncertain terms. Certain salient facts about human behaviour are explained to him and he will understand and comply, or he has no place here. This is a loving community, pure and simple. Thus, if two boys want to make love together in some way, they can, and with our blessing, provided they know what that means and no one gets hurt either physically or emotionally. Very few of them argue their case that they are ready for such a sexual experience. If we agree, then we will go over the processes involved with safe sex practice, a place will be found if needed and the whole thing will be monitored, just to make sure all is well.'

'Are you talking about actual intercourse Raphael?'

'Conceivably, yes. Certainly oral sex, which is going on all the time. It's better than a hand Mike. Wouldn't you agree? Less messy too.'

'I would, but……..'

'You haven't?'

'No. Or the other thing you mentioned.'

'So you're in no position to hand out advice to these boys?'

'No, I suppose not, if you put it that way.'

'Would you want to?'

'Yes, and yes I would. To both things.'

'So; if your nemesis Simon had reacted differently that fateful night, and turned over in his bed towards you when he sensed your intrusion, drew back the bed covers and showed you his penis and asked you to play with him, you would have?'

'Yes, definitely! That's what I really wanted.'

'And then he asked you home one weekend in the holidays and it was necessary that you slept together, being only one bed in his room. You both enjoyed the foreplay, the kissing, and then he rolled onto his back and drew up his legs and asked you, you might have agreed?'

'Yes, absolutely! I would have.'

'Well, there's a gap in your education Mike, isn't there?'

'Oh yes, there appears to be.'

'So what do you want to do about it? Anything?'

'I want it.'

'Really?'

'Yes. Really. I do.'

'Then it's a question of finding you a partner then?'

'Yes, I suppose it is. Are Felix and Peter doing it?'

'If you mean are they going all the way there and half way back again, then yes, they have.'

'How do you know that?'

'On a need to know what's going on in my small domain up here basis, I do know. The baby monitors? And a peek through the privacy curtain? How else would I know. By the way, be careful with Felix. I spoke with him at Tea this evening. He wants you. Be careful in your dealings with him won't you. He can be very manipulative at times. It would not be hard to fall for it. Incredibly easy in fact. And fall you would.'

'He wants me? In what way does he want me?'

'He has asked you to go and see him and Peter later after lights out?'

'Yes.'

'There you are then. I was wondering about something. You seem quite an innocent, despite your recent history. You have never experienced oral sex, either receiving or giving. Is that right?'

'Yes. I never have.'

'Is that something that appeals?'

'Yes. I think I would like a go at that.'

'With Felix you could do both of those things, not that you will of course. He would be only too pleased to oblige you, and then expect you to return the favour to him. When did you last? If I may ask?'

'What?'

'Orgasm.'

'A few days ago. I've been a bit preoccupied with this………interesting day out.'

'I doubt if you'd last more than five minutes with Felix. Tempted? Do you make much?'

'I don't know. I haven't compared.'

'Felix does, if that's to your taste? For a boy of thirteen, and some.'

'Really?'

'Umm.'

'How do you know?'

'He wanted it tested a month ago. He's a Fertile now, as the boys refer to that capability. That's quite unusual, but then Felix is an unusual boy in many ways. That's just one way. He provided a sample, with Felix's invaluable assistance and we put it under the microscope in the biology lab. Wagging tails all over the shop! Good stuff you might say. All the boys had a look too. Very educational moments they were too. To actually see the little blighters swimming around with tails lashing. So near, yet so far eh Mike? Or not.'

'Why………..not?'

'It's there if you want it Mike. Just ask and it shall be given to you; or taken from you; or both. I would gladly see to that at some convenient moment of your choosing. I'm suspecting you do have your preferences Michael. Is that right?'

'Yes I do. May I ask you that question, or not?'

'You may, and yes I do too. That's probably why I'm here. You are at a half way house are you not; not one of the boys, but not technically an adult? You're seventeen?'

'Yes.'

'So, in terms of age, you are one of them. One of the boys. Now Felix awaits you so you had better not let him down Mike. And Peter too. Two of the most beautiful boys in the world waiting for you. A big boy like you. What could be better Michael? But be careful with those delicate little buds. But there are safer alternatives as I've just told you. Please bear that in mind eh?'

Then a silence which was needed. Time to absorb what has just been said. A subtle change of subject required…….

'So do relationships between Supervisors exist here Raphael?'

'Yes, but not for me Mike. I have very good friends here but I'm not a gay man. That's not to say that I can't encompass certain things that the average person would regard as gay behaviour. I have done and would do again. How about you? Are you?'

'No, I don't think so. I thought at one stage I was, or might be, but since then I've come to the conclusion I'm not. But I am attracted to males. There's no doubt about that.'

'Of a certain age? So you are a good fit for this place; in your view?'

'Yes. A perfect fit.'

'I'm going to show you something now.'

'Show me what?'

'How to wake Felix up tomorrow morning. Don't worry, nothing sensitive will be touched, but if you react as I think you will, don't have any concerns. Believe me, you have nothing to worry about. Nothing at all. And nor does Felix. Just relax Michael. All will be well.'

How to wake a boy up.

'This is a good way to do it Mike. You don't mind if I use you? Now just relax and enjoy and know that that this is what you will be doing on the morrow at five minutes to seven in Cube number 3. I shall start at your head Mike, my hands either side, and very gently travel down your neck, and then your shoulders, and then down between your arms and your chest, passing over your tummy with my hands together, and then apart again and over the front of your thighs down to your knees, when I shall repeat the process many more times. Are you ready?'

'Umm, yes I'm ready.'

'Excellent. I'm going to talk to you about Felix and Peter while I work. Let's start with Peter.'

Ten minutes later.

'Now you know a little more about your boys Mike, and I know a little more about you too. I ought to stop now.'

'Yes please. Sorry, it was getting a bit awkward.'

'Good. It's hard to resist isn't it? The boys love this little game as you might imagine, and I'm sure they feel it more intensely than we do. They won't want you to stop until…….well, you'll see. By the way they are quite good at pretending to be asleep.' He said with a low laugh. 'All the lights have been out now for a quarter of an hour. If you go soon, you should catch Felix before he goes to sleep. But have a listen first.'

Barely recovered from Raphael's erotic pseudo massage, I put the headphones on but there was no sound coming from Felix's Cube.

'Nothing Raphael.'

'Probably waiting for you Mike.'

'Shall I go in now?'

'Sure. Remember the rules Mike.'

I looked through the privacy curtain and both boys were on their sides and apparently asleep. I went in and knelt beside Felix's bed. His mouth was open slightly and his breathing was slow and even. He has to be asleep. Then there's a slight stirring sound and a little leg movement. He moves a little more onto his back and an arm moves the covers slightly, exposing a little of his chest and the simple white cotton tunic the boys wear in bed. Then he moves again, as do the covers, exposing more of his chest and tummy. The 'sleepeasy' tunic has ridden up and I can see his bare navel. A perfectly formed depressed little knot of skin. That's so cute. I now suspect he's pretending. The boy moves the covers further down his abdomen almost giving me a first sight of his penis. He withdraws his hand and stretches, turning onto his back, a yawn followed by a deep sigh. This boy is not asleep. The knees rise and part, and at this point I'm given my first sight of the boy, aroused. He's perfectly lovely. The two blue eyes open and I get a sweet smile.

'I've just come to say goodnight Felix. So…….goodnight and sweet dreams.'

He smiles again and says 'Peter wants to show you something.'

'Oh does he?'

'Umm. Hed wants to show you. May I have a goodnight kiss? Just one? Please?'

'I don't think I can do that Felix.'

'Yes you can. Then I can sleep. I promise. Please will you? One won't hurt. Please?'

'On your cheek then. Just one.'

'No, here.' He says, pointing to his mouth.

Another hand appears and I'm drawn towards him. The few inches of space between us closes and I can feel his mouth touch my face. I can't pull away. I just can't. His mouth is warm and soft as we come together, pressing, and then moving, and then moving more as he pulls me harder, our two heads hard together. I have never kissed a boy before. And then his tongue against mine. His hands won't let me go. I'm not in control anymore. He told me I'm just a boy like him. I am aren't I? I'm not grown up. I'm still a boy. I'm allowed.

I pulled away from Felix. He didn't want to let go, but resigned, he reminds me.

'Peter wants to show you something.'

I turned towards Peter who is lying on his back with just the linen sheet covering him. His hand is still but he's been playing, obviously. His eyes slowly open. Another hand gently pulls the sheet down. I look at what he's showing me, taking another deep breath, his chest rising and falling just a little faster than you would expect from a boy asleep. Then the hands are gone, buried under the boy's head. I can see the pulse acting on his erection. He looks at me and smiles a Peter smile. His and only his way of asking. There's another hand on my back now, and then lower. I take another deep breath. I'm in trouble here. But I have the means to escape. My leg, should I need to. No, should I want to?

I stood out in the hallway and everything is quiet now, as I look down into the quadrangle below. I'm shocked at Felix and Peter's behaviour. I take more deep breath trying to calm myself down in every way. I can't go back to Raphael's room in this state. And it happened so quickly?

But I am calmer now. I had better go back. Get out of here. But I'm still safe, just as those boys are. Just.

'How were they Mike?' Asks Raphael, looking at a mobile phone as he lies in the large wide super king bed, a bare but hairless chest visible.

'Alright thanks. Both still awake. A bit of pretending going on.'

'Oh yes. They're both quite good at that pretending to be asleep lark. I suppose he demanded his goodnight kiss?'

'Yes. He's very forceful isn't he?'

'Indeed so. He usually gets his own way with people. He's an on top kind of boy, if his video clips are anything to go by.'

'You're kidding?'

'Partly yes. But there's an epidemic of boys doing naughty things on their phones. They can collect them from me if need to phone home for some good reason and then hand them back to me thinking we won't look at them, but I do have a quick look just to check. It can make for alarming viewing. We seem to have quite a few exhibitionist boys here, judging by their creative cinematic efforts.'

'Felix and Peter?'

'Oh yes, and several others including some First and Second year boys doing silly things they think the wider world would like to see them do. This is Peter's phone. Care to look? If you go to Gallery and scroll through, you're bound to come across something. One or two are with Felix. Help yourself.'

It's an expensive smart phone. After a rapid scroll through, there must be at least a dozen videos on it. I opened one. He's in a bathroom dressed in a bathrobe which he removes to reveal himself in all his naked glory. I'm not sure what motivates a boy to do this? Perhaps they just want to see themselves on a screen. Clearly his intention is to show whoever this is intended for, if anybody, his complete body, and as the video progresses, a particular part of it, first from the front and then, as he bends forwards and uses both hands to part his buttocks, a very intimate view of his back passage. When he turns to face the camera again, presumably propped up on some convenient surface, what was his flaccid penis looks a little bigger now. With some twiddling and general fiddling, he soon becomes erect as he moves closer to the camera. With the sound on, we can hear noises off, a dog barks, and there's the sound of muffled voices. We now have a close-up view of Peter's penis which had fully hardened now, and as he draws back his foreskin, the darker coloured head pops out, shining in the artificial light. He then begins to masturbate using three fingers and his thumb. Then something disturbs his progress and he reaches forward to stop the recording. All goes black.

Raphael turns towards me.

'You look like you've seen a ghost Michael.'

'I saw something, but it wasn't a ghost. Peter showing us everything. He must have been disturbed, or thought he was about to be, because he stopped what he was doing.'

'Oh. How disappointing. Not to worry, they're others where he does not stop.'

'That's the thing is it not? I am disappointed.'

'Yes, our curiosity demands a denouement. One would prefer to know the outcome. Am I right?'

'Yes. But in Peter's case?'

'No outcoming, but in some, there's wonderful sound which makes up for the lack of substance pretty well. Shall I find one for you?'

He scrolled through Peter's collection of self-made videos and identified another one. He handed me the device and I pressed play, the sound turned on loud. Peter is lying on his bed, presumably with the door tightly shut, or his people safely out of the way, as he takes me through the first stages of arousal, solo, in just his underpants, gently stroking himself, the same ones as the boys are issued with each new morning here. There's plenty of quiet but very erotic mewing noises, as he gets things moving in his knickers. He's not a big lad for his age, but beautifully formed and it's clear he's feeling an urgent need to show himself off, moving this way and that, legs raised then lowered again, wide apart and then tightly closed, as the sounds become more urgent. Then he treats us to pants down time, lowered just enough for the ample waistband to rest and support his testicles, again not large but beautifully shown, tiny red veins. The picture quality is nigh on perfect. He moves his entire body so the camera now looks between his legs and with knees raised. He knows exactly what we can see at the place where his legs meet and between his buttocks. His balls tighten as he begins to rub himself again using three fingers and his thumb, head raised, stopping at intervals so the viewer can savour the shape and detail of this lovely example of a boy's most important plaything. The texture of the boy's skin is in perfect detail down to the tiny hairs close to his anus. One senses this is all for the potential viewer, whoever that might be, driving him on. Not only is it working for him, it's working for me too. I have never witnessed such a scene before, obviously, but according to Raphael, who seems to know, at least a quarter of his boys in this place are performing similar delights in front of their mobile phones. How many more of these shows am I to see?

'As many as your heart's desiring Michael.' Was the answer. 'Most of the boys switch off immediately post orgasm but Peter and Felix don't do that. They have realised that, although they lose interest in the whole thing as soon as they finish, an audience wants more than that. They want the cool down stage too when everything calms and cools and any residues can be played with and savoured. The rising and falling of tummies afterwards, the fingers in the sticky puddles produced, like pearls scattered over soft white flesh. And the pulsing too, behind the perineum. Did you notice that Mike? But it's the sounds Mike that really put the cream on the cake; the sounds . Both boys know what a difference that makes to an audience. They are entertainers Mike, and they know how to, very, very well.'

'So that's Peter. What about Felix?'

'Umm, the answer to that is there's a lot about Felix, mostly with Peter. You wouldn't believe how cherubic they look when they're dressed up in cassocks and surplices.'

'S. Mary's?'

'Umm. Music is strong here and all the boys sing for their general health. Naturally we have some good ones whom we lend to the church in the town. There are four of them currently, Peter and Felix, plus a couple of First Years, and all of them sing like larks. I take them into Exeter from time to time so they can hear how the professionals do it. They love it, and so do I.'

'Me too. Music is one of my A Levels.'

'Oh. A singer too?'

'Was. I stopped when they threw me out at voice change.'

'Well you can watch Peter and Felix if you want, a poor substitute I know?'

'I'm not sure I can take much more. I shall burst.'

'Well burst away if that helps? I shan't look; just listen if you don't mind. Good to exercise the imagination. Anyway you might just ask for assistance. That might strike you as a surprise, an offer from me like that Michael, but do think about it. Perhaps you'd like a shower now? And then a last bit of Felix and Peter to send you to sleep? I've a tunic for you if you want to wear one? No compulsion. You just do what you want to do.'

'Felix and Peter? That would be nice.'

'Yes, they are good ones. The longest lasts about ten minutes if you can stand it that long. You looked in a bit of trouble just now?'

'Did I?'

'Yes you did. Are you sure I can't help you?'

I looked at Raphael as he passed me another phone. He had found what he wanted me to see. What I wanted to see.

The boys act out a scene. A conversation between the two boys has begun. Felix has asked Peter if he would agree to him becoming his Considerate Partner. The two boys, sitting on the edge of the bed naked, look at each other. Peter smiles, clearly a little upset but very happy with Felix's question, and gives his answer, clearly spoken…..

'I do. I do Felix.'

'With all your heart?'

'Yes. With all my heart and with my body I will love you.'

'Are you sure Peter?'

'I am. Do you love me?'

'Yes. You know I do, surely you do by now?'

Peter nods and the two boys move their heads closer and then begin a long and deep kiss, hands behind each other's heads as they face each other still sitting on the edge of the bed. It's extraordinarily moving scene. It's affecting me.

Raphael has moved closer to me, wanting to share the images. I can feel his breath on my body, and then his breath on the skin of my stomach as I hold the device and watch the two boys continue their preliminary love making. The kissing continues as both boys become fully aroused. The power of the kiss. I hadn't noticed Raphael's hand.

I know I will not be able to hold on for long, any more than those two boys could hold on. It's a complete and inevitable sensory experience for them and for me and it's gone too far now to stop. I don't want it to stop, it's just too wonderful for any words.

I don't think this is going to matter, this small thing between us. I'm not going to forget what happened, obviously not. A bit of a milestone for me I suppose. Actually, definitely a milestone for me. Watching those two boys having their foreplay had brought me close to the brink, no hands, and I suppose it wasn't going to take much. Raphael laughed. It was a sexual thing with Felix and Peter, doing that, but it was so much more too. It was a message to the world, from them, that two young boys really could love one another, and this was how they wanted to show it.

'Just now and again dear boy, but not too often. You will get hardened to it, if you'll pardon the expression'. I had to smile at that point as I looked down at my scattered pearls. I imagine that last comment of his might be very true.

Nine hours later.

'You ok?'

'Yes thanks.' I said.

'Sleep well?'

'Umm. Very.'

'Soon time to go and see your boys.'

'Is it? I'd forgotten about that.'

'They're expecting you. You can't let them down.'

'No I can't. I just need a couple of minutes.'

'I wouldn't worry. They won't notice. In the drawer over there you'll find another pair of pants that'll fit you, and the shorts I gave you are on the chair. Help yourself to a clean grey tee shirt while you're there. You'll look like one of us then.'

'They won't notice?'

'No. You've been like that for quite a while now.'

'Have I?'

'Yes. I checked when I woke up. I can't imagine what was in your head this morning. Something interesting obviously. Must be your age. You'll have ten minutes with them, and then go down to the showers. I'll be there by that time. The boys will show you where to go. They are awake by the way.'

'Are they? So why do I need to………..?'

'Just to see them. They're waiting for you.'

'How do you know?'

'I've been listening. The room monitor?'

'Oh yes. What are they doing?'

'Something they often do if they wake up before the bell.'

When I opened the privacy curtain, Felix looked at me. Peter did too. Felix closed his eyes, the covers off his body and just his lower legs covered, his head turned away now, his tummy rising and falling. Felix must have just finished with him, his mouth open and then closed, pink faced and wide eyed. Not a bad way to start a day.

I looked down at Felix's body, his sleep tunic covering half his chest. He's a beautiful boy. Peter lay back and turned his head towards me, showing me. I knelt beside him and ran my fingers through his white blond hair, and with my left hand, drew the covers back over him. He opens his deep green eyes so unusual in a blond boy. There's a question in those eyes. I take another deep breath.

'It's time to get up now Peter.' I said, touching him lightly on his bare shoulder. He looked at my touching and then back at me.

It seemed such a banal request at such a time.

Peter, his hands behind my head now, pulls me towards his face and stares into my eyes. I have to move his head away. First thing in the morning, he thinks anything is possible. I'm seventeen still, a rarity around here. I won't get any bigger than I am now, and I'm very superior in that way from these boys and they're curious no doubt as to what a seventeen-year-old boy can do, when he wants to.

'It is time to get up sweetheart.' I said to him.

A disappointed Peter swings his legs onto the floor and finds a pair of soft leather slip-ons. When he stands, his sleep tunic drops down his body and comes to rest on top of his healthy-looking penis, the prepuce stretched over the ominously bulbous head, the slightly open meatus visible, dark and wet, a first proper ejaculation imminent I'd say. Peter's making a point here, literally, making me notice him. He clearly doesn't want to get up. I know why not. He wanted something else, badly but he can't have it. I sat on Felix's bed as he moves his legs to accommodate me.

'Show him Peter.'

Peter turned around and bent over forwards as the tunic rose up affording me a view of the boy's pert rounded bottom, a part of Simon, my nemesis, that I only saw covered in thick white old-fashioned briefs, more's the pity. I have never seen a boy's bud , as Raphael calls it, that inner part buried deep between the buttocks that is packed with nerve endings to excite him, in one way or another. I had asked Raphael earlier if a boy ever lent this part of his anatomy to another boy for his use. He said on occasions they do, just between the oldest boys in this community. He went no further.

'Come on Pete! Michael needs to inspect!' Felix demands.

Peter immediately complies, looking around with a faint smile. So that's what his looks like? Not a particularly pretty thing really, the lines of creased skin diving inwards towards the tiny wrinkled closed door. I knew, of course, that boys took pleasure in these things, rubbing their penises against it, and even pressing them so hard against that closed door until it opens and let them in. Surely that must hurt?

'Show him Pete!'

Peter pulls his buttocks wider apart and the closed door opens slightly. He lets go, and turns around, his penis curving upwards as it does, the tightened skin retreated, revealing more. Peter looks down, the fingers of one hand pulling down on the delicate skin to reveal the complete uncovered and perfectly formed, if not large, shing head of the smooth organ. Felix leans forward as Peter offers himself to his Considerate Partner. Felix looks up at Peter's face, and then down at the inviting object of his desiring, and mine, if I'm honest. Felix moves his head closer as Peter pushes his hips forward, hands on hips. A part of Peter has disappeared, only to re-appear a few seconds later, wet with Felix's saliva.

I stood up. The two boys look at me, up to my face and then downwards, and then back up to my face, and smile.

Peter Eagel. The eager Eagel. Eager and priapic right now. The one thing he needs is the prolonged attention of Felix's lips and tongue, but he can't have that, poor boy. We have three minutes to make it down two flights of stairs to the showers. No boy shall arrive late!

In a way it was perfect timing.

Twelve of the youngest brethren were filing into the shower area as we arrived, hanging up their sleep tunics on the hooks along both walls, a waiting area just before the boys go into the actual wet area consisting of six large saucer shaped shower heads in a row with nothing in between. The boys all looked around ten and some possibly a little younger. Most of them arrived in their tunics but some were already nude. Two boys were sporting their nubile sexual rods which bounced as they went about their business prior to lining up against the walls awaiting a final instruction to proceed. They took no notice of Felix but they of course they didn't recognize me, so I got looked at, but seemed to be accepted as a fact. A newcomer. To protect their naked backs from a cold wall surface, the boys all stood with their hands behind them which gave me a perfect sight of all these lovely little bodies. I can't say that a ten-year-old is really my thing at all but an object of such beauty is a joy to behold; and they are . One boy in particular caught my eye. Felix noticed me discretely observing.

'That's Arthur. He's a Wanting. We call him King.' He says, raising his eyebrows and supressing a smile.

'Of the Round Table? A Wanting? What's one of them?'

'A boy who's looking for someone to play games with. He's wanting it, so we call those kids Wantings. Kids who are up for it but can't find anyone to do it with.'

'Surely there's someone for him?'

'Yes; me. I think he's amazing but I can't. It's the rule.'

'You know what they say about rules Felix. They are there to be broken.'

'Not here. They'll know. Believe me, they will know. They know what everyone's doing.'

'And Arthur isn't doing anything?'

'No. Nothing. Not even with himself. That's why he's like that every morning. He's lovely isn't he? When he moves up next year, he'll be ok then. He can team up with someone.'

He knows that I'm looking at him and why. Arthur. He doesn't smile but just looks down to presumably check his upstanding penis, well-sized I might add, compared to the other one in a similar state, for his tender age. My face has warmed now but I can't stop looking in his direction. He looks back at me again, and then down at his undiminished upwardly curving hard-on. He noticed my glances. I can't believe how lovely he is, thoroughly deserving of a visual examination surely? I think his nickname of 'King' rather appropriate, and his physical properties worthing of a brief description.

Hair…..a golden brown is probably most apt, quite thick with a hint of a parting a little lower than usual, all neatly kept, and brushed to his right side. Eyes; blue but with a leaning towards green at the centres and the usual black ring around the pupil. Very pretty, with gorgeously long eyelashes, like a cow's. The mouth is full, including the top lip which I like, just like Simon's. The face is a good shape, a tiny mole an inch to the left of the nose which is not broad but just right, and his ears nicely in proportion and close to the head. Normal expression; thoughtful and on the brooding side, but I would think very capable of a lovely smile when appropriate. He's just under five-foot tall, medium build but likely to get slimmer at the onset of puberty which doesn't look imminent despite the decent size downstairs. His skin colour is what you would expect in an Anglo Saxon, tending to the pale, but at this moment, very slightly tanned, all over, from our early summer sunshine. In short, what we might call a stunner; big time. I'm not going to include his private bits in my description, but suffice it to say, that that part of him is as good as the rest, unadulterated as it is, and typically youthful in its enthusiasm this morning, looking forward, yearning even, to becoming fully functional, which according to Felix it is not due to the awful restriction imposed on the youngest boys here. I'm doubtful if he's a chatterer. He doesn't look that type at all, quite reserved, shy almost, but rather a thinker, speaking only when he needs to. If there's another reason why I need to come to this place, other than to be near Felix and Peter, and get to know Raphael better, it is this individual, this paragon of beauty.

'Does that boy have a friend Felix?'

'Arthur? No. Apart from me, but I'm not allowed there. He wants to be friends, but he can't be. He's too young.'

'Can't you get to chat with him sometimes?'

'Yes, now and again, but there's no chance to get any more.'

'What about now?'

The dozen or so boys disappeared into the shower area amid misty steam for their five minutes water experience, exactly, cute bottoms waggling.

'Seen enough?' Asks Felix.

'Umm. I guess so.'

'I'll come back with you. Our lot will just be getting out of bed to come down. You shouldn't miss that.'

I didn't miss that treat either, the other eleven occupants of Cubes 1-6, the oldest boys plus their CP's, their Considerate Partners, most of whom are a little bit younger. And Peter in all his innocent glory, Peter the Priapic, the Eager Eagel. What a beauty he is. None of the boys bothered with their sleep tunics, discarding them on their beds before setting off with their towels around their necks, a few of them with the sagging remains of their morning wood. Then Raphael saw me through the steamy mist.

'So how did that go Mike?'

'Good thanks.' I said, still warm in the face from my ordeal.

'And?'

'Nothing really.'

'Come on Mike. There must have been something; or somebody? Surely out of that lot.'

'Actually there was. A boy called Arthur rather caught my eye.'

'Ahh, yes. King Arthur.'

'That's the one.'

'The one for you?' He said with a smile.

I laughed but didn't answer his question, but he's right. He's a boy to be nurtured and brought on as he should be, if I ever had the chance.'

'Felix is, as you know, in his last year. I thought he'd be right for Peter when Felix is no longer with us.'

'I imagine so, yes.'

'Peter will be in his penultimate year, and Arthur will have three left, so they'd have two good years together, if that works for them. And Arthur will be a Virile by then, with any luck, Peter possibly a Fertile. Pigs might fly. You might be interested in Arthur's 'phone. He's not as innocent as he looks.'

'Really?'

'No. And Arthur's due an inspection I do believe. You really ought to witness one of those; or even perform one yourself. I shall send Arthur to you after breakfast. You had better get into your size fours Mike. We don't want you giving poor Arthur the wrong impression.'

I ignored the suggestion of tight pants. The ones I've been given are very adequate thank you kindly.

'Hang on a minute! What does this inspection routine involve? That's not a thing I should be doing is it?'

'I'll be going along too so don't worry. The boys know what's involved. You don't need to do anything. If I'm delayed for any reason, he'll just get on with it. Deep end dear boy. Nothing to be afraid of. Because the boys are so familiar with the process, Arthur will take you through it. I'll have a word with him now. Have a gander at Peter's 'phone while you're waiting. You can use Felix's Cube.'

All the boys from Cubes 1-6 had gone down to shower, including Felix, which left me alone in Cube 2; Felix and Peter's Cube, waiting for Arthur's arrival. I feel nervous about this. I don't know the kid at all. What will he think? I had a vague idea what this inspection business was about, but none of the specifics. I knew it involved a few routine questions about key issues with all the boys; relationships with other boys, their mental health, and their physical and sexual health too. The word inspection held me somewhat. What did that involve? Ok, finger and toe nail length and cleanliness, hair length perhaps, any aches and pains or issues with the food provided. Also their personal cleanliness and whether they were coping well with the rather stringent requirements in the more private areas of their bodies. I imagine that not all the boys enjoy having to put a finger or two inside their bottoms at least once a day, although, according to Raphael, many boys did like doing it, that fact supported by the physical evidence they showed all and sundry in front of the bathroom mirror.

'It's a very erogenous zone for boys. They enjoy fiddling in there, once they get used to the idea. What they're feeling at the back affects what happens at the front, more often than not. Don't you find that to be so Mike?'

I answered his question with raised eyebrows but no words. In fact I do enjoy a fiddle back there whilst amusing myself elsewhere. I think the two go together. I have been curious about that kind of sexual activity for quite a while now. What it actually feels like, and whether I could feel anything when……..well you know when. When it happens. Can you actually feel it? And where does it all go? Does it stay in you, or somehow immediately escape? Maybe you're suppose to sit on the lavatory until it all drains out. Sounds a bit yucky doesn't it. I suppose it depends on how much goes in. I've heard it can vary a lot, person to person. I'm not sure where I am on the volume scale. Being average in other ways I imagine I'm average on that score too. I really don't know but there is someone I could ask about that, but it's a bit early to start getting intimate with Raphael. I think he quite likes the cut of my jib though. Just a hunch.

Five minutes had gone by before Arthur appears, dressed in his sleep tunic and the familiar white underwear, the lowest part of which was just tantalizingly visible. The boy walks in, turns and pulls the privacy curtains closed, showing me his delightfully formed rear end, all pristine, clad in clinging white. I remain sitting on the edge of Felix's bed.

'You must be Arthur. Hello.' I say, smiling, my hands held together in my lap. I'm oddly excited. 'Do you know why you're here?'

'Yes Sir.'

'As you know I'm not familiar with this process so you'll have to help me I'm afraid. Are you ready?'

'Yes Sir.'

He shows me his hands, holding them out, palms down. They look well cared for and clean. Similarly the boy's feet although his toe nails look too long for my liking. Standing now, Arthur slips his sleep tunic up and over his head leaving him standing before me, waiting. He clearly knows the routine. He looks down, lowers the front of his pants and takes his flaccid penis between two fingers and his thumb, pointing it up. I take a deep breath.

'Am I supposed to look Arthur?'

'Yes. Always. You're supposed to check it Sir. Under the skin to make sure it looks right.'

'Alright. Carry on then.' I said, watching as the boy retracts the prepuce all the way back so I can see exactly the shape, form, and colour of what is revealed. The stimulation is causing blood flow to the extent that Arthur's penis is filling just a little more now. Just a little. He continues to hold the prepuce back for a few seconds, and then moving it forwards, and then back again, to mimic very slow masturbation.

'Are you having difficulties with that Arthur?'

'A bit Sir.'

'Can you tell me about it?'

'Yes Sir. I'm not allowed to do anything on my own, and there's no one else to help me.'

'Oh dear. Is that a problem for you?'

'Yes.'

'Why is it?'

'Peter and Felix are best friends. He told me they play together. I really like Peter. I wish he was my friend too.'

'But you're alright at home?'

'Umm. I can have tickles at home. Most days. Sometimes more than that. I like the way it tickles, deep down.'

'But not here at school?'

'No, but I want to. I think about Peter quite a lot.'

'You like it when you think about Peter. The tickling works well then.'

'Yes. There's wetness there sometimes. And when I wake up. I can feel it. Like sticky stuff. I'm worried I'll wet my bed one morning. I want to be friends with Peter. I haven't got anybody. Felix has Peter. Lots of boys have other boys to be best friends with.'

'You imagine being with Peter? Here?'

'Yes, all the time. I keep getting this funny feeling, deep down.'

'How do you feel at this moment? Do have that feeling now Arthur?'

'Yes.'

'I'm really sorry that you feel like this.'

'Will I see Peter?'

'You mean now ; do you?'

'Yes.' The boy says, fiddling again.

'Felix is leaving soon. Maybe you will be friends with him then. When Felix has gone. Peter will want to best friends with someone. Just lie down now. I'll go out and come back in a few minutes. That will give you some time to get over this.'

He didn't answer as he lay down on Peter's bed, his pants pulled back up. I stood and moved towards the closed curtains and stopped just outside, remembering the baby alarm system Raphael used. I went back to his room and found the relevant plug so I could listen to what might happen in Cube 2 as the frustrated Arthur might 'relax', and have the opportunity to quietly think about what he has just told me. Poor boy. He's in quite a state with all this.

There is no sound coming from Arthur. For some odd reason I thought of my nemesis, Simon. I listen on. There's the sound of Arthur's breathing now. If it happened, it should be over by now. Arthur will be with Peter soon, although he doesn't yet know it. Felix will be gone, on to fresh pastures and new beginnings. New relationships to explore, new friends to meet, new sensations to enjoy. What a lovely surprise that will be for Arthur.

I returned to check on Arthur. As I opened the privacy curtain, what I see tells me; something at least.

There's a hand inside pants but it is still, the boy's head to one side. I stand unnoticed. I look at the form impressed against the material, glowing so bright in the gloom. How lovely the boy looks like that.

Everything that's happened to Arthur appears normal to me, insofar as I know, with boys this lovely age, on the brink. I place my hand on his brow and feel it warm to my touching. I place my hand on his tummy as it rises and falls. I move his right hand from where it was, and hold it, tightly in mine. Arthur turns his head and looks at me. I'm unnerved a little, but then he smiles.

'Are you alright?' I ask.

He nods, the smile evaporated.

'We can stay like this for a while longer if you want to? There's no hurry.'

The boy turns his head away.

I look at the boy and marvel at his beauty. So perfect. So calm. So exactly…. right . Then he looks again.

'Will you stay with me please? Just for a bit longer?'

I smile, and grip his hand just a little harder.

Another couple of months and he'll be there, properly there. There's a wet spot darkening the material, the size of a penny, causing a little transparency, pinkness showing. That's nice. It's not the real deal but something is on the move.

'Thanks.' He says with a sweet smile.

I like this boy, and I think he'll be willing to answer a question that was raised in my mind by something Raphael said.

'I've heard that some boys are recording things on their phones Arthur. Do you know anything about that sort of thing?'

'You mean selfies? The other boys do things.'

'Do you do that? Rude things?'

'No.'

'You wouldn't lie to me would you?'

'I'd try not to.' He says, looking serious.

'So have you……ever?'

'Yes.'

'Ok. It's good to tell the truth. Well done.'

I was challenged that morning to tell the truth about what I did to Simon, against Simon, that fateful night. Yes, I did do it.

'So your Inspection Arthur. Is there anything else I need to do?'

'You have to look at me.'

'I have done, haven't I?'

'Not everywhere. You're supposed to look properly.'

'Can't I just ask you?'

'No. Not really. I don't mind.'

I don't know what I'm looking for exactly, but I did look and saw nothing untoward. I assume they all look roughly the same. And I know he needs someone special. He has the normal friendships, up to a point. But he sees relationships around him flourishing in a way he aspires to, but has not achieved that himself. Not yet.

'Next year. If you can wait that long Arthur, it will be worth waiting for. I'm sure it will be. Can you wait that long? It's only a couple of months away now. And it's Peter isn't it?'

'Yes.'

I had looked at Arthur, physically. All the vital bits from head to toe. I get the idea that all the boys are perfectly happy to undergo such examinations. I remember having those at school. I enjoyed it I'm ashamed to say. I've never examined a boy before, and certainly not that curious part of a boy's anatomy always in need of good care. As is the other part that makes a boy different to a girl. Raphael says they vary quite a lot, but essentially they are all the same in terms of how they function. I couldn't see anything amiss in the examples Arthur showed me, not that I'm any kind of expert, so I gave the boy a clean bill of health in every department. From what I can ascertain, he and Peter will make a good Partnership next year. I aim to be here to see it flourish. But this phone issue still intrigues me. Raphael will tell me more, if I ask him.

'One in four of them have made moving images of themselves, or with others involved. They do it for fun. Like an activity. Something fun to do that they can show a friend.'

'Mostly?' I asked Raphael, as we lie on his bed.

'Yes, mostly, but of course it's dangerous, potentially, if the images reach the wrong audience. You can't stop them doing it. And once they've made one, they'll make more.'

'So who is involved, usually?'

'Just the boys themselves, from the evidence I've gathered. There's plenty of it. And girls too. If anything the girls are worse. It's not, at least in the boys' cases, to attract the wrong audience. With the girls it might be.'

'Presumably you talk to the boys concerned?'

'Well, up to a point.'

'But no further?'

'No.'

Well that seemed a bit definite.

'At least it's creative; in a way.' I suggested.

'Yes. Look Mike. Why don't you just stay here? Go home for a couple of days to get things sorted at home and then start here?'

'Where would I………?'

'Cube 6 has just the one boy in it currently. If you didn't mind sharing with him?'

'So what's he like?'

'Evrit? A good lad; really. Very quiet, not a film maker, and into astronomy. He won't notice you. He's twelve and never had a CP; a bit of a non-sexual loner if I may put it that way. I don't know what he does with himself. Not much presumably. You could give it a try?' At least you'd know for sure about next year? You could, as an alternative, sleep in here with me?'

True, and I've nothing to do apart from my exams in a month's time. My place at College is unconditional and doesn't depend on grades achieved, so I can revise here in relative peace, take the bloody exams and defer my course for a year. Easy peasy. As for shacking up with Raphael, that's something else I shall need to think about. It could be a sexual thing for sure, but this has been a whirlwind experience for me. Just one thing at a time please.

'I'd like that. So I've got some gainful employment?'

'Yes you have. It's agreed between us anyway, so that's it. See how it goes for three months, from your side and ours? I'll think about what I want you to be responsible for. This phone issue the boys have might be one thing to get your teeth into?'

My heart missed a beat when Raphael said that.

'What would that mean Raphael?'

'It would mean you would monitor everything contained within each boy's mobile phone. We collect them all in at the beginning of each term, and they only get them back once a week to get in touch with home. Do you think you might take that on? I don't think I can keep on doing that job now.'

'Why not?'

'Think about it Mike. You're younger; much closer to their age. I'm twenty-nine now. Your still just seventeen. You will relate to them much closer than I can now. I need to distance myself at this point. I've thought about leaving here altogether. It was all rather an experiment; a very exciting one, but…….perhaps it should become history soon. At least for me.'

'Ok. Alright, I'll take on what's bothering you. See if that changes things for you? Perhaps you just need a break from all this intensity. That's what it seems like to me. A very intense experience for everyone.'

'The other thing is; about you .'

'What about me?'

'I've only known you for what? Just a few hours but…….'

'But what Raf?'

'There you go. You called me Raf.'

'Sorry. That was too familiar of me.'

'No, not at all. You can keep that up from now on. If you're comfortable with that?'

'It seems like I've known you longer I must say. Way longer. It's a weird feeling. That I belong here somehow. Where I should be. Where I want to be. That's strange don't you think?'

'Not really. I think you'd be perfect here. I can see that the boys will like you. In fact I'm absolutely certain they will. You have a couple of admirers already. Felix and Peter are very excited about the possibility of you coming. I'm pretty sure you do want to come? Am I right? There's a need there?'

Raphael gave me an odd look which I wasn't sure how to interpret, but it gave me a tummy wobble. A sort of anticipatory nervous feeling. I think he's just given me a bit of a come-on. I looked away from him. He noticed.

'Sorry Mike. That little double-entendre was naughty of me. Anyway, how did your first Inspection go? Was Arthur co-operative?'

'Yes, perfectly. He told me how it works so that's what I did. He seems fine to me.'

'He's nice isn't he?'

'Oh yes. Lovely.'

'Good. Just like you then?'

'Am I? I've just been chucked out of my school.'

'Yes. I'm truly sorry about that, but you can't let it ruin your life. There's a whiff of injustice surrounding your story.'

'I don't think it's something I can forget. Ever.'

'Probably not. Why not write that boy a letter of apology; or something along those lines? Tell him you're sorry about what you did. Tell him exactly what you did, which sounds to me not quite as bad as he reported. Those other boys probably had a hand in it, and they know it.'

'The hand was mine Raf.'

'Ha. Yes! As well as yours. Always best to ask permission first, but you know that well enough now, after the event. That doesn't really help does it?'

'No. I'm pretty upset Raf.'

'You're not showing it. Perhaps you should?'

'What? Now?'

'Umm. I think that would help.'

I've wanted to do this, badly, and haven't done it. Perhaps this is the right moment, here, lying on Raphael's bed, in his room, just us alone together, a man I hardly know. So I will. The sad feelings in me are rising to the surface, and so strong now that it's impossible to control them. The prickling in my eyes has already begun and there is no way on earth I can stop what I know is about to happen.

'Just let it go Michael. You'll feel a whole lot better. Just take your time. May I stay with you? I'd like to, very much?'

I nodded and moved closer to him, just as he moved closer to me. I felt the warmth of his arms around me. I let go. I let everything go.

Ten minutes later I knew Raphael was right.

'You're feeling better now? Am I right?'

'Yes, perfectly. Thanks for letting me do that.'

'It helps. The boys are taught not to internalize their emotions. I'm really, really glad you're here.'

'Right here?'

'Yes, right here in this place we are at this very moment, now, at this very moment.'

'So am I.'

'I hope you didn't mind my touching you?'

'No. I'm glad you did. I liked it very much. I never have been before.'

'Apart from Mummy cuddles?'

'Apart from those, yes. I never have. No boy ever did, or girl come to that. No other person in the world has ever done that.'

'Something missing then?'

'Oh yes. I think it's time something happened. I'm seventeen. Nearly eighteen. Never have I. Not even close. I suppose in my stupid head I thought I was telling Simon something he didn't know but would want to know. That I loved him. That I do love him.'

'Just the wrong way to go about it Mike. But you're free now. You are free to choose your paths in life. Free to make choices about everything. Well, almost everything. You can be with people you want to be with now.'

'I used to imagine how his lips felt; on mine. I thought one day he would turn to me quite out of the blue and kiss me. I imagined how that would feel. We would find somewhere private to go and we would make love together, all tangled up in the long warm grass, as one body, joined.'

'That's very romantic Mike. We all have had those kinds of thoughts which sadly come to nothing. Usually they can't come to anything. But not always. Sometimes they can become something real.'

'Can they?'

'Do you think your Simon would have made a good lover?'

'Probably not. I don't think he's a very sensual boy at all. Rather inert actually.'

'So there you are then. Nothing really lost. Felix and Peter are very sexually aware. Too much probably.'

'I can see that and I've only been around here for five minutes!'

'Indeed. Arthur is another one. Another film maker, but there's no one else involved, just him, showing us what makes him tick. He's made four lovely ones for those who might enjoy a young very prepubescent boy showing off. There's some very nice sound accompaniment too. Plenty of sighing and oohs and aahs in appreciation of his own pretty body, all from a standing start, or rather a floppy start, and longer ones too, all of them are around ten minutes. He clearly desires an audience. You're right, he'd be ideal for Peter next year. I hope Peter will go for the idea, and the lovely Felix will be a thing of the past. Would you volunteer to put that idea in Peter's head? He may already have Arthur on his list of potential Partners. Felix will be over there in Winchester having a good time with someone no doubt, bless him. He won't have any trouble finding their equivalent of a CP. I'd give him a week in that place before he's located the right man.'

'Man?'

'Ok, boy. A suitable play mate. But he'll be hob knobbing with boys your age Mike, if he wants to. They are all there, randy sixteen-year-old lads just back at school after their summer holiday expecting more of the same as they got in Benidorm or wherever they went off to with their mates bedding girls like there's no tomorrow; or boys in a few cases. A prefect maybe, thrilling the knickers off him with sexy stories to tell, and vice versa, and getting himself shagged senseless and his bottom filled to the brim if he wants it. Did you?'

'Yes, there was one. A much older boy I managed to seduce, and I think he was very happy to succumb to my feminine charms. He soon gave in. But he didn't fill my bottom to the brim, as you mentioned. It happened in one of the changing cubes at the local outdoor swimming pool. We started fiddling and it went a bit further. It was my first time with a boy who could. I had never seen a boy ejaculate before. It was a bit of an eye opener, you might say. Literally. It went all over the floor. We just left it there. I felt bad about that. As we left a sweet little boy was waiting outside to use our cubicle. I cycled back to school wondering what that kid thought it was. That slimy stuff on the floor. He must have noticed it.'

'Oh dear, that's disgraceful Michael! You could have wiped it up couldn't you? That poor boy probably got his feet in in it. So you didn't let this lad Gerald know you in the biblical sense?'

'No, sadly. Anyway I didn't know that was even a possibility, in my naivete. But we were noticed one afternoon on one of the rugby pitches lying on our sides spooned into one another, him behind me, his arms around my middle with one hand down my shorts and inside my knickers, both of us being in our games kit. How ridiculous was that, all out in the open and very visible to all and sundry. No wonder someone noticed! It was all very loving by that time and rather innocent. I was in love and thirteen, and a bit confused I suppose, dealing with a very heavy puberty situation. Gerald was summoned and warned about his behaviour. He was told in no uncertain terms to leave me alone, so that was it. We didn't really speak again. But he continued to write me letters in the holidays, very sweet ones too. He really did care for me. One day all the letters were gone from the drawer in my bedroom. My mother must have found them, and my emotional diary along with the love letters. Again, nothing was ever said, but my adventure was well and truly over. And then much later it was my misadventure with, or rather without Simon.'

'Such is the way of true love Mike. I'm sorry. But there shouldn't be any touching without the right feelings involved. If boys here want to touch each other, it must be for feelings of kindness, support and affection. If that is the case, then they can. If that leads to bigger and better things, then fine, they can, and do, as you are finding out. Would you mind if I touch you again?'

'That's what I should have said to Simon.'

'Quite, and he would have said no, unfortunately for you. But that's what I'm asking you? What are you going to say to me ?'

'I'm going to say yes. Sorry, I mean , no I wouldn't mind.'

'From sorrow into a little light then? Just a little. See how you feel about it?'

'Umm. See how it feels.'

'I'd like to know about that. Just some tenderness Mike, nothing more. I'm sensing you need it. I know you're feeling vulnerable right now and quite emotional. Lots of boy cry here, for one reason or another. We talk about expressing feelings all the time, and not to bottle things up. It's massively important that these boys learn exactly how to do that. When they feel like crying they must do it. It's the same for all of us Mike, you and me, we are not excluded.'

It was obvious how I was feeling by then. He could see, just as I could see him. He's a young man as I'm a boy. Still a boy. A boy warm against the body of another, and liking it; for the very first time. It's a kind of loving really. Heart and body coming together as one. Hearts, minds and bodies joined as one, for the very first time. The wound, a horrible wound I have sustained, is just beginning to heal.

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