by Rafael Henry

Chapter 38

Roger's story. Experience personified.

Roger wanted to tell me everything. I'm the first and only person he's ever going to tell, so he tells me while he still resides within me. He's been there half an hour now, but it feels like no time at all. After his, and my messy event, the pressure has dropped inside, but in the last few minutes he's regained what had faded and the wonderful filling of me has resumed. My goodness it feels good, on our sides, knees up, front to back with his arms around me, his breath warm against my neck. I'm lying here taking it all in, and when I say all, there's a lot of him and I imagine a lot of it too, still swimming around up there. For all I know there's a gallon of it in me. I'm sure that what he's just enjoyed with me, he dreamed about doing ten years ago, and Otta too. But he didn't, and thank goodness he didn't attempt it because I'm sure I would have let him have his way, whatever way that might have been. I could hazard a few guesses.

I asked him how it all started, the early days, and then later on in his school days. In some ways it was a similar story to mine, and countless other boys who were sent off to live away from their people, some at a ridiculously young age. At Roger's school, some as young as four and not much more than babies. Can you imagine that? What must have those boys thought about it all? Even if they could rationalize their thoughts at that age.

Since Roger's sex has renewed it's interest, still in my bottom, I have been encouraging it by anal muscle movements of my own. Naughty me. It's all in the Beginners Guide, how to use and move your bottom to help your partner get his rocks off, but as Roger said a few minutes ago, it's correctly named the Beginners, not the Experienced Guide, or Expert even. Roger is an expert without any doubt in my mind. But setting all this aside, to be dealt with later, I'm listening, while we quietly get on with the job, my interaction with Experience Personified. These are just Roger's Thoughts, not necessarily in order, but as they could have come out of the mouth of many young boys banished to the countryside in Britain to live and love beyond the comfort of their families.

'What a disastrous life to go through Jon, desiring little boys. I mean, what can you do? It's a terrible fate Jon. An awful situation to be in, knowing that what you want you can't have . Ever. And rightly so. It wasn't a crime then Jon. We were just boys discovering one another and enjoying it.'

Roger started to move in me, and I'm reacting.

'Is this ok Roger?'

'Lovely Jon. Is this in your Guide by any chance? What are you trying to make me do? You might put me off my story.'

'No, go on. If you're happy with telling me. It's fascinating, really.'

'Alright, but stop wriggling your bottom Jon.

'I can't. You were saying Roger?'

'But what a disastrous life to go through, desiring little boys. I mean, what can you do. It's an awful fate. There was a lot of mutual masturbation in my first year. I was not attracted at all to people of my own age, but I was certainly deeply attracted to the younger boys. The sexual drive has got to go on to something, but I think most of us never really did anything then. We desired, we might have touched, and there was mutual masturbation generally, but it was a phase we were all passing through, because there was nothing else.

I think everybody remembers their first sexual desires, and in my second year mine were definitely, without any question, for the boys in the year below; the new ones.

They were hairless in the right places and sweet and cute and comely like girls. They had fluffy hair and kissable lips like girls, they had cute little bottoms like ... well, they had cute little bottoms like boys, but any port in a storm Jon, and there's no storm like pubescence and no port like a pretty boy's bottom.

I was eventually expelled for going to bed with another boy, having been caught once before. What I really remember is that authority in all its forms; the masters, the headmaster, my parents, the other boy's parents. They simply did not understand the meaning of our love affairs with ourselves. We did and they didn't. It was endemic. It didn't mean we were homosexuals; at least not at that point. We went to bed with each other because there were no girls, and we were extremely sexually aware, a powerful and moving time of life. Anyway I got kicked out along with my best friend.

There were all sorts of discussions, and my parents came down and saw the headmaster, and it was all very embarrassing. I was in fact allowed to stay until the end of the term. But it was quite a shock, suddenly realizing that, at the end of the summer term, that would be it, I wouldn't be going back for my final year. And there was also the problem of where I'd go to school, what would become of me, as it were. Because it was in those days a very big disgrace.

At the same time, I had failed the system, or the system had failed me, and I felt that very keenly, and it made me quite unhappy for a quite a while. It was just established practice; everybody did it all the time and it was absolutely part of your life. I suppose because it was the cardinal sin, that made it more exciting. The hypocrisy of the people who invented a school like that, and then said that sex with other boys was the worst sin! They created the situation, designed the trap, and then when you fall in to it, it's all your fault. Ridiculous, because of course it was bound to happen. A new, pretty boy would arrive in the House, and then people concentrated on him, and to this day one could still define various people in that context. Young boys who were physically attractive were almost like pseudo-girls. In fact I often think that those kind of boys must have a very good understanding of what life for a girl is like, in the sense that they were remarked upon visually and physically and for what they have. And you could go a long way by being pretty. You could easily see them naked, erect too quite often, especially if they were aware of your admiration. They'd do it just to please you, smiling sweetly showing off their peachy stiff cocks.

I was put into a room with five other boys younger than me, most of them interested in what a bigger boy could do sexually, and encouraging you to do it. Is that fair Jon? I'd often go to bed not long after lights out and before they were asleep. They'd be up for some larking about; play-wrestling or romping about for a while. There was an atmosphere of tenderness there involving ever more intimate touching, until that phase of overt sexuality is finally reached.

Everybody knew what the next part of the game was. One boy initiates it by taking another boy's penis in his hand and starts rubbing it. For men and animals, it's the peak of happiness to fondle each other's genitals and to be tender to them in a way which sends waves of delight and affection through the partner's body. Nothing can draw two beings closer together, make them more intimate than touching these vulnerable parts which, hidden as they are, always remain hypersensitive. Just like we are now Jon. Often this stroking of his penis is all the boy ever wants, and throughout the whole course of a relationship his sexual involvement may remain limited to that.

For boys who in puberty and adolescence have a strong need of feeling protected and cared for, it may be sheer bliss simply to abandon themselves quietly and calmly to a trusted older boy's love and affection expressed this way by a ministering hand.

Michael. He would lie down and I would sit next to him with one leg under his and the other over. That brought our penises exactly together so that one or the other of us could use his hands. It was awfully nice. We had an emission at the same time. I would try to hold back until he was ready, and when it was obvious he was about to come, I would too from sheer excitement, tip against tip, and all mixed up together. We'd laugh if we got it right.

Michael had a brother, an elder brother who pedicated him very regularly at home in the holidays, most days, and Michael loved it. He told me that it started with playing fingers up bottoms, and went on from there. I think boys, girls too probably, respond strongly to a gentle fingering of their bottoms, especially while they rub themselves, or their friend.

Michael and I had trotted off to the lavs one afternoon before Tea. I put my hand down the front of his shorts and fondled him. It never took Michael very long to get hard, if he wasn't already at the thought of what we were going to do in two minutes time. My other hand went down the back and inside his pants. That always made him come faster. My middle fingers pushing into his bottom. When I took it out thinking that he might not like it, he objected and told me to put it back again, this time in the right place. Right in. Usually manual stimulation, continued until an orgasm was had by one or both of us, was enough to satisfy us completely. Not Michael. The boys didn't seem to worry about dirt at all, you know, unfortunate marks in their knickers and all that, so a finger well inside a bottom wouldn't bother them at all. And then a few minutes later, off to tea. We'd let it come in our pants usually. We never really worried where it went. Cold patches in our pants was something we expected.'

'So did you have any run-ins with the big boys Roger?'

'Occasionally, but I wasn't really attracted to all that hair. I was always more interested in the younger boys, like Michael. A senior boy who had a crush on me, persuaded me into his study one evening. He asked me if he could practice something on me which would feel very nice. I agreed. I was only twelve. I say only. I was quite experienced by that age. That senior boy tried to bum me in his study every day for six months until he succeeded. I'd sit in a large armchair with him, while he had his hand down the back of my shorts, fingering me. I think it was his idea of foreplay. I liked it of course and told him so. He had me kneel in front of the chair while he tried to mount me from behind. That didn't work until he borrowed some stuff from a friend. In the meantime he ejaculated into my bottom and pushing hard into me as he came. It was a wonderful feeling, all that wet and warm in your bottom. He had a word for coming that way, between a boy's thighs, front or better still, behind. He spent ages apologizing whilst drying me up with tissues from a box. I can still remember the sound of the tissues being pulled out of the box. Strange what you remember. I fell in love with him briefly. He was a lovely guy; kind in his own way. He did teach me something though.

As soon as the boy has a strong erection, you hold it between your thumb and two fingers with the thumb on the underside just where the shaft ends and the head begins. The two fingers go opposite, one on each side of the ridge separating the shaft from the head. You squeeze with fairly hard pressure for three or four seconds. You'll find the guy will lose his urge to come and begin to lose his hardness. After 15-30 seconds, start rubbing him up again until he gets hard, and then repeat the squeezing. Gradually an unbearable tension builds up, the boy finally begging you to finish things off. I tried this on Michael one evening. It worked. He practically exploded onto me. Very few of the boys wanted to kiss. I think they thought it was too gay. Michael did want that. He was fabulous. I can't tell you. He had everything you could want…….do everything you could ever ask for.

Now here's an interesting thing Jon. Michael had recently entered puberty, although he still looked very young and pretty. He'd asked me to pedicate him, which I willingly agreed to do on the bed. We'd been fiddling for a while beforehand and he was begging me to enter him by the back door. He lay on his back holding his legs behind his knees getting them as far back as he could thus giving me, as a footballer might call it, an open goal. Getting into him wasn't proving to be easy as we had no lubricant apart from quantities of my saliva. He had lost his erection in the process, unsurprisingly. We managed it, finally, and I hadn't been going long before he emitted quite a large quantity of white fluid, not in the usual ejaculatory spurts of orgasm but in a continuous flow from his flaccid penis. We both watched in amazement as the liquid slowly made its way down between his balls to where I was embedded in him up to my root. I can remember his face still, all these years later. A look of complete surprise and astonishment. His penis then shrank totally into a tiny creamy tube while I finished inside him shortly after. It was fabulous. Later I asked an older boy about it. He explained.

The boys in our room knew I could produce a quantity of sperm probably because my penis was far bigger than anyone else's and therefore by some odd logic I must be able to. I still didn't have any significant pubic hair curiously. They would all want their turn with me, presenting me with their little smooth creamy cocks at the ready, their pyjama tops drawn up under their chins and bottoms round their knees. All but two of them were uncircumcised, and the uncut boys would yank back their foreskins in readiness. They obviously thought that's what they should do. I would perform my act, usually directly onto their willies and their bare tummies. Many a boy, later on, whilst masturbating together or whatever, found it a special pleasure to ejaculate sperm onto the naked body of his friend. Another boy was very demanding, lying with his pj top up by his neck, and the bottoms down by his knees. He'd been playing for a while already and called me over to perform for him. I did willingly as I liked him. He pulled his foreskin down to reveal the frenulum nicely so I aimed for that. After I'd hit the target perfectly, he replaced the skinny sheath enclosing my sperm and quickly masturbated for a couple of minutes before throwing his head back in frustration. He obviously hadn't come. He grabbed my hand and put it on his slimy penis. I quickly finished the job for him to an inevitable dry conclusion, accompanied by much treble voiced groaning. Just as I was at that age, those boys would usually come very quickly and some several times before they finally went to sleep. Such lovely sounds they made. And something else. It wasn't at all unusual for the boys that could produce sperm to lick their own semen off their fingers after masturbating. It's certainly one way a boy can get used to receiving sperm in his mouth and come to enjoy it. I noticed that the ability to ejaculate differed considerably between boys. I heard of a new boy who was a huge comer, eleven probably, and a hairless fourteen-year-old who was still as dry as a bone. I hated pubic hair as a rule.'

'No mention of mouths yet Roger? I haven't heard your wisdom on that subject yet.'

'Yes, sucking is quite natural for younger boys, who are less disturbed by 'dirt', as I said, and are closer in time to the infancy phase in their lives when they were busily exploring every object with their mouths.

The next year, my third year, they put me in with eight twelve-year-olds Jon. Most of them were capable of producing semen by this time, apart from one lovely creature who couldn't and was very annoyed about it. He tried and tried but couldn't, much to the teasing from the other boys. Generously, they all offered him theirs to try. Every boy masturbated on his back, knees up usually and under the covers, but in warm weather very publicly with the bed clothes pushed down to his knees. If he'd had a strong one and more than the odd dribble, it would land on his bare tummy in several blobs. Enter the boy who couldn't, invited by the boy who could. You can imagine what the next step was for him. He was probably the most popular fellator in the room despite his inabilities. It was all just fun and games. Something a bit more interesting to do.'

'But did they all participate in the games Roger?'

'No, not by any means. It is possible that a boy at a certain age is not mature enough for any kind of sex. Others perhaps one kind, and others all kinds. Boys already have a well-developed appetite for sex long before they reach puberty. Personally, I think that boys who grow up in sexual freedom are not only far happier and healthier, but also gentler and more peaceful. A sexual activity integrated into an intimate relationship between two persons is more meaningful and causes more happiness than a rather impersonal, accidental contact. So a closely-knit union, a kind of love, wass worth striving for. For boys, love more often ensues from sex rather than precedes it in my view. Just as long as he knows how to wiggle his bottom, something will happen. Nothing can be permitted without consent, and in the special context of sex this consent may be withdrawn at any time – even during some sexual act itself. This liberty to decide for himself about himself is a sacred right of every individual regardless of gender and age.

A boy asked me to do it for him one evening. We went off to the changing rooms. He stood there waiting for me to start on him. I undid his shorts to find a very small but beautiful cock, hard and ready. It was a truly lovely object. Leaning into the corner I had him in front of me with one arm around his chest fiddling with his nipples, my hand gently rubbing him with two fingers and my thumb just in the right place. I'd been going a couple of minutes and thought he was very close to coming, judging by his breathing and wriggling about. Then he suddenly stopped me, sorted his shorts out and more or less ran off. I think it might have been his maiden orgasm, or would have been, but the onset of that extreme sensation scared the hell out of him. Nature uses many things like spontaneous erections, wet dreams and so on, to force the newly adolescent boy to make active use of his now easily excitable sex organs. Why the devil do we deny the child the love it is so capable of experiencing, as the child well knows? The human body is made for sexual pleasure. Even before birth male foetuses have been shown by the latest scientific equipment to have spontaneous erections about five times a day – that is, as frequently as in adult sleep. Boys are quite capable of experiencing orgasm at the earliest age. I read somewhere that individuals who didn't masturbate in childhood generally will have considerable difficulty in finding satisfaction in heterosexual intercourse. They will need more time to get used to it. Children are mature for sex at birth; they become mature for procreation only later. Our ancestors used to fondle the genitals of their children in order to please and to pacify them, and the adults were amused if the small boy responded with an erection. Young children were also encouraged to play with the genitals of grown-ups. A boy can only perfect the physical expression of his tenderness to the degree of freedom he has been allowed in nudity and lust. The body must be trained and exercised in this function as in any other. Only when a boy has had sufficient opportunity to abandon himself uninhibitedly to sexual pleasure and to experiment with sex will he acquire the ability to give, later, the greatest satisfaction to his partner in loving intercourse. Anyway, that's what I think.'

'Adults playing with you like that?'

'Not quite like that Jon. At least not in my memory. But I do remember sitting naked in my mother's lap many times playing with my bone hard willy, pulling the skin back to reveal the purple mysteries underneath. She never told me to stop doing it. Had I known how to masturbate, I would have done I'm sure, even at that age. I do remember sitting on my father's lap too, same situation, and feeling something hard under my bottom. There's nothing incestuous about that. Bath time was a time for a prolonged fiddle too, and an intimate wash by dad always induced an erection, and latterly, talks about sex. I never saw him sexually excited, before you ask Jon, apart from when I wandered uninvited into my parents' bedroom one Sunday morning and saw my mother fellating my father. That was the only time I saw him like that. I think all that's perfectly normal. But you were asking about mouths Jon.

The mouth is a most sensitive, wet orifice in the human body, where mucus membrane meets the outer skin; it is also so mobile, with lips, tongue and jaws, that it can participate very actively in sex with others, especially in contact with boys' genitals. A majority of normal heterosexual adolescent boys find great pleasure in being fellated, and were highly aroused watching others doing it. The little boy who couldn't come got very good at it, by way of compensating for his inadequacy I suppose. Most of the other boys in the room insisted on watching him work, forming a little group around the bed. The other boys would stroke his back and bottom while he worked on a boy. He was incredibly good at it making the boy wait. It was all about the tongue Jon, just caressing the head of the boy's cock, then around his balls, and back again, taking him in for a few strokes and then more tongue work. You could see his victim in agony, head back and eyes closed. Eventually he'd take pity on the boy and let him come in his mouth. But Michael was mine. He just got better and better Jon. He was one of those boys who looked just as sexy in his school uniform as he did standing in his pants, wiggling his bottom. There's no port in a storm like a boy's bottom Jon, and getting something inside it. For me the most important thing is that he likes what I'm doing to him. Once I had a climax just by sucking him. Honestly, no hands at any time. I'm excited because he likes it so much. It was all about how he felt. Many boys would quite spontaneously suck their partners' penises without being asked to do so. It's a completely natural desire in many boys.

A friend of mine from school told me this story. I'd met him quite by accident in the City one morning and we had lunch and got chatting. As a boy of eleven, he was waiting for a changing cubicle to become available at the local swimming baths, and a much older boy invited him to share his. He looked nice enough and the place was very crowded so he goes in with him. As soon as he was undressed and naked, he began to fondle his cock and balls which he liked. Although taken aback rather, he didn't protest when he asked him to lie down on a small bench whereupon he sucked him to an immature climax. When he was finished, the older boy removed his swimming suit and stood in front of him, legs slightly apart. My friend was now sitting on the bench. Taking hold of his hand, he directed it to his cock and had him feel him until he became stiff. Then he made him suck him until he ejaculated into his mouth. When he came, he held his head to prevent him pulling away, and he was forced to swallow most of his semen. He didn't tell anybody about it, but just took it in his stride. In fact, over the years he's fantasized about it whilst masturbating, and has enjoyed reliving the incident ever since. I still see him and he still talks about it rather fondly. He's not gay. That's really odd don't you think? I think changing cubicles at swimming baths are great places for unexpected sex. You don't ever see the boy again, a pity really, but I have had a couple of successes in my time. But when Michael was in the mood he was insatiable. He could keep on doing it all afternoon. He took the greatest delight in sucking; and did it without any urging on my part. He insisted on me ejaculating in his mouth, and then he drank it all. But it felt wonderful to come in his mouth, and the pleasure was twice as nice as he kept me in his mouth for quite a while afterwards. When partners love one another Jon, it's an expression of the most profound intimacy to swallow the other's semen, to drain the conduit through which it was ejaculated by sucking, to press the last drops out of it and lick them up. To him who receives, this can symbolize their complete unity. Sucking is the best way to participate in the pleasure you give. When you do it, you have the keenest appreciation of the spasms, the trembling and the waves of lust you arouse. Not only because it makes your boy happy, but because it turns you on too. I like the feeling of the hardness in my mouth and I just enjoy it all. What was even better than that was hearing a boy groan and feeling his body tense as he starts to come. How are you feeling now Jon?'

We laughed. Roger's pretty big inside me, again. As I push back against his pressure, he's fully inside once more, and feels deeper than before. I'm hard again too, and keen. But this conversation is not only revealing but intensely erotic. I want more of his story.

'I never worried about a boy's size Roger. If anything I………'

'Quite. Among boys Jon, and to me, penis size was always irrelevant, whereas his seminal fluid, amount of flow and so on, is everything. It gives me the feeling I'm loving the boy's entire body. If he comes into your mouth, don't move. Feel how his cock throbs in spasms emptying out. Swallow the come and if there's only a teaspoonful, it can still feel like you're drowning. Enjoy and participate together.'

Lael loved to swallow my sperm. To me that was a very exciting sight: this fresh, handsome boy's face, with his lips stretched wide around my cock and his cheeks moving with his avid sucking. After I'd come he would lick it clean, very carefully.

One boy's testimony I had the pleasure of hearing. Rather apt I thought.

The boy knelt down, took my cock into his mouth and started playing with his tongue delicately on the glans, simultaneously moving his head back and forth, making my cock dance between his lips. Sensations awakened in me I had never known before. This was entirely new, and at the same time so utterly delightful as to send continuous shudders of pleasure up and down my spine. After a few minutes I would sense a great fountain welling up inside me, down there too, still dammed but ready to burst out. I urged the boy's head slightly back and whispered, 'Look out - it's coming!', but he broke off what he was doing for only a second or two and whispered, 'Let it go - I like to swallow it!', and instantly he made my cock disappear deep into his mouth. I could feel my sperm surge up in several jets, felt a tickling in my spinal cord, shivers of lust race through my body which was vibrating in ecstasy. Then I felt his lips pressing around my glans and sucking from it the last drop, while at the same time every nerve of my cock signalled its entire satisfaction. I nearly passed out leaning against that cubicle wall, and for several minutes I was incapable of speaking a single word or thinking clearly. I caressed the boy mechanically, knowing I had never before in my whole life enjoyed greater sexual satisfaction, and I doubted whether I would again.

I think ever since I've been looking for a similar climax of sexual ecstasy, but I've never found it better than I did with Lael. I think boys take to the practice almost immediately. Perhaps they have already anticipated it in their fantasies. The oral erotic zone seems to be more sexually excitable in boys than in girls, for whom the breast is more important. Thus sucking and licking in itself is usually pleasurable to boys. It is hardly far-fetched to relate this pleasure to the pleasure they felt when as babies they suckled on their mothers' breasts.

'Did you know Jon, that research has shown that semen does have one of the properties of penicillin; it kills bacteria. Prostaglandine, one of the hormones in semen, may be the active agent. Some people even believe sperm can cure throat infections. Someone's sexual essence in my mouth is like having the person's entire beauty in my mouth, very intimate and unexplainably beautiful.'

'So when did you know about yourself Roger? That first inkling?'

'I can almost tell you the day and hour when I became aware of what I was interested in. In my pubescence, around the time of my first ejaculation when I should have been wilting at the sight of a cute girl, I saw a thirteen-year-old boy undressing to put on his gym shorts. I was eleven at the time and standing quite close to him. He saw me looking down at his beautiful penis hanging there. He turned round and pulled up his lovely white slimline pants that got wedged between his buttocks which he then carefully and knowingly extracted and rearranged with one hand. I was so enthralled by the experience of his bodily charms that I followed him around the school for days, hardly eating, neglecting my schoolwork to daydream about how to find excuses to touch him. I have no memory of any erotic attraction to a boy much before puberty. I was, however, sexually precocious. We had quite a lot of girls visiting our house for one reason or another, none of them anything to do with me. But I was erotically aroused by one in particular when I was six, or seven maybe. She'd sit cross legged on the carpet in front of me showing me her knickers. Boys did that too. When I was nine I actually had coitus with another little girl. As we all know, girls are far more advanced than boys, and during a birthday party she beckoned me up to her bedroom. We stood there looking at each other before she took every stitch of clothing off me. Then she undressed and laid on the bed sitting up with her legs wide apart. I knelt between her legs and she started to suck me. I managed to produce an erection, probably no more than three inches long. The girl laid down and between her legs now, pulling me towards her, I slid into her very easily. She had used her own saliva. It went in easily, right in. So I withdrew it, and pushed it back in again. It felt good so I kept doing it while she held my hips and telling me to do it faster. I had read in books that I was too young for it to be possible, but it was highly pleasurable and successful I might add. I had an orgasm. I was fascinated by the way the girl, she couldn't have been more than eight, enjoyed it. At puberty I began to enjoy and be fascinated with the way boys enjoyed their sexuality, just as that little girl had, and I'm still touched and charmed by young boys who are erotically aroused and excited. Two prep-school boys who soap each other off in the shower and playfully relieve each other's tensions may have more common sense about sex than all the psychologists; and the same experience with an older boy can confirm a boy's masculinity and assuage his homosexual fears. I confess my idea of heaven is an eternity of soaping off boys in a warm shower. But I could avoid sexual contact with boys by enjoying my pictures, my memories, my fantasies and voyeurism, for which I have already apologized to you Jon, and Otta, if he was here. Does he know about those?'

'No. And I shan't tell him. At least I don't think so.'

'I have faults, I know. I have a very high sex drive and I have great difficulty in satisfying that sex drive.'

'But you've never been tempted to dip your toe in the water since those days when you were all minors Roger?'

'No. Well, let's say I have looked and desired enough times, but I'm not stupid Jon. I wouldn't say it's impossible; I suppose it could happen. I only hope for my sake and anyone else that it doesn't. It's hard to control these things no matter how much one tries, sadly. But I'm not here to do harm Jon, however I feel. That's my problem, not theirs.'

Amen to that.

'I think most children go through a homosexual stage simply because the other person is like themselves. Sexuality is usually in three stages: first with themselves and then with another person who is like them, and then eventually graduating to the other sex. Personally, I believe that if a particular boy is oriented in this way, a proper homosexual relationship will, in fact, help him later on. It will help him relate. After all, he will know much more about it. He's been made love to by another male and he will have a lot more knowledge about what his wife or girlfriend is going to feel. That phase of homosexuality is a natural part of life. I did love you two boys. Did you ever get over your friend Lael?'

'No, well, not yet anyway. It's not a question of getting over him. I don't want to, ever. He's still with me in spirit.'

'As a spirit?'

'Oh yes. He's not gone away. He's gone; but not gone. He'll speak to me when he has to, or when I need him to.'

'So what's he saying now Jon?'

'He's saying enjoy these moments with you Roger. I think I can, if you want me? I'm sure it hasn't changed at all, since I was thirteen when I first started talking to you properly. Do you remember?'

'Yes of course I do. Goodness, don't remind me. You and Robbie together. And then Otta. It was a privilege just to be near you all. And I agree, it looks just the same.'

'And feels the same. May I? A dream come true?'

I turned onto my back so Roger could have me the old-fashioned way, face to face, and legs over shoulders style. Lael insisted sometimes, so he could see me. I'd study his face trying to tell when he was about to come, and just before he did, I'd give him what I could; what I'd got rather good at.

'I'm so pleased you have your boy now. Do you love him?'

'Oh yes, but Otta's got smitten by a boy in a children's home Roger. I can understand why.'

'Has he done anything naughty with the boy?'

'No, not yet, but he might be tempted. I've warned him. The boy's encouraging him I think. In fact I know he is.'

'Tell him not to go into the room, metaphorically speaking Jon. Like I did, look in through the window.'


'Yes. Sometimes it too strong for us. And you two are……..well, you know how I feel about both of you. It's a curse Jon.'

'I know.'

'Do you think married men with daughters look at young girls Jon?'

'Probably, just like we appreciate boys I suppose. A thing of beauty and all that. Have we finished talking?'

'Not too distracting then Roger?

There's a page Lael and I liked in the Beginners Guide.

The insertee is often described as the passive partner, but this isn't always accurate, since he may be a very active participant. Much depends upon the position of the two bodies, but in any position he can use his anal sphincter to knead his partner's penis with voluntary constrictions, squeezing it and then relaxing. If the insertee is lying on his side with his legs drawn up, the inserter positioned behind him, he can move his buttocks back and forth. With the inserter lying on his back and the insertee sitting astride him, impaling himself upon his partner's penis, it is the insertee who has complete control of the rate of insertion, he who makes the major movements. In this position the partners can look at each other's bodies and faces, although from the standpoint of touch, the contact is not as close and intimate as others. With the insertee lying on his back, his legs raised and resting on the shoulders of the inserter, there is much more body contact and the two lovers can even press their faces together and exchange kisses. The movements then will mainly be performed by the inserter, but the insertee may respond to thrusts with counterthrusts of his own.

You may think he's too small to be pedicated, but he may show he's disappointed by your reluctance, so do what he instructs you to do. He will lay down on his back and tell you to drop to your knees and bend over him, leaving a space between your two bodies. As soon as your glans penetrates him, he will begin to work with his hips, pressing himself upwards until your penis enters him up to the root. He will sink down again until only your glans is still inside him. His sphincter then works violently, effectively sucking the glans. After this he will return, going the whole way up so your penis disappears completely into his bottom. It will feel like a mouth is working on it, and a tight-fitting, hot mouth.

That's Michael, exactly. He was an expert in this movement of his abdomen. What this boy knew how to do, many adults wouldn't ever succeed in doing. Finally I would get a violent orgasm. Mentally and physically I felt shattered. I laid stretched out on him, heavily, embracing him firmly, moaning, kissing his shoulders and his neck. He loved all of it. When I had withdrawn from his body, I saw his little penis, smooth as silk, sticking up and stiff, the loose skin drawn right back by his efforts revealing the lovely sculpted deep pink and shining glans. What a beautiful sight indeed. It was hard and throbbed visibly with the beating of his heart. I satisfied him quickly with my mouth, while he gave out the most delightful erotic sounds. There was nothing to taste. I tucked him up and kissed him goodnight and seconds later he was asleep.

My cock is not large, but in that room full of boys, I never satisfied a boy whose bottom was too small to let me enter him. With each other, a very young boy can usually bounce into his friend with spit, without any lubricant, and with no problem at all. I was always surprised at how fast they would come, turn around and then let the other boy have his turn.

Roger remained inside me for a long time after he had ejaculated, the first time, to keep his sperm in me for as long as possible. Goodness knows how much it was. It's a delightful way of relaxing, intimately connected like that while we talked. Roger did most of it, saying many things that he could never have said to anyone else. Not in a thousand years. When our conversation ends, or pauses at least, coinciding with a new rising of his ardour inside me, he withdraws carefully so as not to hinder his next move on me. He wants to be more intimate and face me. It will not be the same struggle for me this time, well lubricated by him, as Roger prepares his mind to return to moments and feelings first encountered ten years earlier. Roger and I have never kissed. We are about to.

'I love you. I know you have your friend, but surely this is possible too? Would you allow that? Can you find that little space in your heart?'

It's an act of love. It is one of my ways of loving him, of proving my love. That was always the case with a number of boys I had intercourse with. Let me tell you exactly what goes on. He loves to feel the cock of the boy he loves inside his body and to be united with him in the flesh. This gives him great satisfaction – and what is also satisfying to him is giving the boy who is having intercourse with him, who is enjoying himself inside him, pleasure. That creates in him great joy, because love is giving as well as receiving. It may be difficult for outsiders to understand, but what I've said really is the truth. Even as young as I was then, and I'll not say how young, I was quite capable of loving sexually.

But it wasn't until I met Lael.

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