Johnny Come Home

by Rafael Henry

Chapter 11

'Will you come back after the Christmas holiday Alex? Or is this it? No more meetings?' Asks Adrean. He's sitting next to Alex at his desk in the back bedroom, his personal IT laboratory. Alex has taught him all the things he really needs to know, watched him practice the various skills that are and will be useful to him, just as he has taught his son John in the many meetings they've had at lunch times up in the cosy corner of the school library.

'I don't think there's much more to go over Adrean. Apart from the fun stuff.'

'You mean Quintus?' He says, joking. The subject of Quintus Beer, Alex's erstwhile mentor, has cropped up from time to time, bathed in a mysterious fog.

'Yes.'

'You said you'd show me? Don't you want to now? I quite understand if you don't.'

'Some are a bit on the dark side Adrean. Do you understand what that means?'

Alex had to explain what he meant by 'the dark side'. Taking all this information in, Adrean's expression appeared not to change.

'Quintus was, is, like that Adrean.' Alex says.

'Is? Did you get back in touch with him then?'

'No, not really. He just commented on my website. That's all. He got me into all this don't forget. I was the inspiration for quite a lot of his work, and I learnt from him just as Johnny has learnt from me. Life goes around in circles does it not? I can show you if you want? I look quite a lot younger then, so be prepared. I was about Johnny's age then. Are you sure you want to see?'

'Yes I do. Is it just you?'

'Most of it. Quintus destroyed his original work but before he did, I copied it all on to a CD. He didn't know I had. It's all on a disk. A compact disk. Remember, I showed you how to record music on one? How to run it?'

Unless you repeat tasks regularly, you forget how very quickly.

'Do you have it with you now Alex?'

'No. I can bring it next time. I wasn't gardening all the time Adrean. I had other uses as far as Quintus was concerned.'

'His model?'

'Yes. But not his lover if that's what you were thinking. When he realised that he was getting in too deep, so to speak, he pulled himself out of the pit and effectively disappeared from my life. Just like that. It wasn't what I wanted to happen.'

'So where did he go?'

'Probably off in his camper van somewhere. He didn't tell me, obviously, that he'd resigned from his part-time job at S. Endellions. I cycled out one morning as usual to his cottage. The neighbour told me he'd left. I felt numb; like thew proverbial lost boy. Lost and abandoned. When I got home I couldn't control myself emotionally. I was shaking, literally shaking with the shock of it. Everything seemed out of control. But I recovered, as I had to. It took about a week. Then to my mother's relief I came out of it. She was brilliant. Quite wonderful. It was like I had been somewhere very dark and frightening but had somehow found my way back home again. My brother Richard slept with me for a fortnight. It was him that really pulled me through it all, from the darkness into the light. I had to cling onto something and it was him. Richard. He was wonderful in every way.'

'That CD then? Is that a dark place?'

'Some might think so but I don't. Happy memories really. No there's nothing dark about it so long as a friend is looking at it. Someone I know who will be sympathetic. It was all fun and games in a very nice way. I know I was trying to manipulate Quintus, not the other way around. I had this crazy idea that we'd live together one day, in this creative bliss, and I'd have his babies. Tons of them. Maybe that's what puberty does for you.'

'Johnny?'

'Yes, Johnny, bless him.'

'Do you love him?'

'Yes of course I do! More than anything. But I've loved before Adrean. And I had no intention of letting him down.'

'Like Quintus did with you?'

'But did he? It was for the best. I'm sure that was his feeling about it. Damage limitation if you like. I'll bring the disk tomorrow. May I go and say goodnight to the boys?'

Damage limitation.

'It'll start by itself and then appear as a gallery of images. There's some video on it too. Are you still sure you want to see all this Adrean?'

'Oh yes. I'm interested.'

'In me?'

'Yes.'

Alex had not asked such a leading question before. The ideal family man, Adrean. Quintus said there was a bit of gay in everyone, lurking inside, often unrecognized, or perhaps denied by that person. I suppose it's a matter of percentages.

The gallery appeared, more than two hundred images.

'If you click on the thumbnail they will enlarge to screen size. From the beginning?'

Yes, from the beginning. That first morning, the short discussion while Alex bathed, was bathed, permission granted with a wordless nod, and the excitement that followed. It was all going to be just between them. Everything. The dressing, the undressing, recording the simplest of tasks around the studio, the nude boy, and all so natural. Alex was indeed a natural as far as Quintus was concerned, manna from heaven in fact. A perfect model, and a young companion to be savoured. The beautiful hair, those eyes that could pierce a soul in an instant, the boy's body emerging slowly from childhood like a butterfly emerges into the warm light of early summer, and takes flight.

Alex loved the compliments paid to him as they rested together, the little touches, a finger-tip on an eyelid to close it, the expectation, the excitement of a new dawn for a boy. The little hill to climb, and then the view from the top into the far distance as the sun moves from behind the cloud to bathe them both in the warmth of loving kindness. His head laid on a pillow as sleep comes as his reward. Such boundless joy.

'He must have loved you Alex?'

'Yes, maybe. But what was he in love with? The real me, or something else?'

'You Alex. I'm sure it was just you.'

'Thank you. I suppose that's what I want to hear now. Do you have some favourites?'

'This one into the light. It's very moving.'

'Yes. There's another folder. A recent one. It's about Johnny. By the way there's something I need to tell you. You may not like it.'

Adrean took the news quite badly; that Alex was leaving for another part of the country entirely. He's got to know him quite well by now and was very grateful to him for gently coaxing him into the world of the Personal Computer. He recognized the degree of patience required, in his case, a not particularly quick learner. He also recognized Alex's contribution to his son's rapid progress at school, not just in IT but generally. His attitude to his work had become much more positive which was becoming evident in his grades, when he got any.

'There's nothing I can do about it Adrean. It's a done deal. It's the nature of my dad's business. They can move you anywhere they want you to and whenever they like.'

'But it's the other side of the country Alex. We're going to miss you dreadfully. And John. He'll be devastated. And what about your studies?'

'There's a tech college there. They do the University of London syllabuses so that fits, more or less. Less probably. I'll muddle through. I'll have to.'

'Are you going to tell him?'

'Yes of course.'

'From what you've told me Alex. What's been going on. Was that the whole story Alex?'

'Are you sorry I told you?'

'No.'

'It was just one of those things. You know, meant to be . It wasn't just me. He had a way of telling me Adrean. Not in so many words, but in his own way. I got the message quickly enough from him, and he from me, at the same moment. That was it. The rest followed quite naturally. There was, is, nothing wrong with it. That's all you need to know.'

'And if Quintus came back into your life, what would you do?'

'Stay here, with you. All of you. I want all of you.'

'Do you mean that Alex?'

'Yes.'

'Does that mean me?'

'Yes. If you would find me acceptable. What about your wife? You both made Johnny. I love you both for that fact. I know none of this will be forever. Nothing is for ever it seems.'

'Anna wants you too, I'm sure of that. You can't just go, not like that. There's a way. This way.'

'I need to talk to my father, and Garth.'

'When?'

'Tonight. Can you run me home? Straight home?'

'Yes. Now?'

'In a minute. There is something I need to do, with your permission?'

Upstairs Alex says the words he wants to say in the sleeping boys' ears.

Garth, up in the bedroom, sees the lights of the car as it stops outside the house. He notes the delay before Alex, bag slung over a shoulder, opens the passenger side door, waves a hand and pushes the door shut with a tinny clang. A Vauxhall he thought. Tinny. The figure walks up the path and diverts off to the left for the separate entrance to the annex. Opening the connecting door into the kitchen he finds his father in there.

'Hi dad. May I talk to you please?'

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