The Dark Side of Desire

by Pietar

Reviews, ideas, and support came from Charles Well and Sam The Ham. Thanks to each of you for your help.

You can reach me at pietar_the_fearless@yahoo.com

August 1: Waking Up

I'm bathed in sweat, but hard as a rock. Something fearful, terrifying happened. But it was a dream. A nightmare. I can't remember beyond the image of – of what? Blue eyes, blond hair, a long, curved nose. Boy or girl? I don't know. Could have been a monkey for all I know.

I let my right hand wrap around my dick. It fits perfectly. Three and a half inches of fingers against four inches of warm, firm flesh. Up and down movement, something I've practiced at least four times a week for the last eighteen months or so. Sometimes a lot more often than that.

I can still remember the first time. Al Rigby taught me. He was 13, I was just shy of turning 12. We weren't exactly friends, there was that age difference that mattered to him more than it did to me.

While at a stream fishing, I had caught myself in my zipper and screamed out more in shock and fear than from actual pain. He was the one who came to my aid.

"Let me help," he said, pulling my hands away. "No need to be ashamed, it's just a dick. All boys have one. This won't hurt, okay?" He didn't wait for a response, but instead grabbed my zipper and yanked it down. It did hurt, but then the pain went away rapidly.

"No blood, that's always good," he proclaimed. "I know a way to make the pain go away. A way that feels really good."

I was unsure, especially with my shorts around my ankles and my dick still in his hand. It felt good though. He let go of me and pushed his own pants down.

"Damn!" I gasped with astonishment. I was just learning when and how to swear so as to make me sound like the big kids. "Yours is huge. And there is hair growing down there."

"It would be huge if I were a little kid like you," he chuckled. I wanted to burst out that I wasn't a little kid, but he continued talking and more importantly, demonstrating. "Watch this, and do what I do."

Time froze as he pumped his fist up and down on his rod. I mimicked it, and god, it did feel good. Then white stuff shot out of his piss hole and landed in the stream. He called it cum, and said in a year or two I'd make it too.

I practiced it a lot. It only took 5 months until I shot for the first time.

August 5: The Dream

The same blue eyes. Deep, like a bottomless pool of crystal-clear water. The nose, curved from the bridge to the tip. It made me think of a hawk, only longer and not quite as curved. Bangs of blond hair hung down to brown eyebrows.

"Stop fighting me," it growled. "You'll be mine in the end. You'll have lots of fun, and enjoy my presence."

And then I woke up. I had no memory beyond a distorted view of the face and the voice. My pajama top was wet with sweat, and my dick erect and pressing against the front of my bottoms. I freed it and completed the task, catching the discharge in a tissue kept on my nightstand just for that purpose.

Then I noticed there was cum on the sheet and inside my pajamas. Like I'd had a full session in a wet dream. Mom will notice it when she does the laundry.

Wet dreams. Mom had sent Dad to talk to me about them shortly after I'd turned twelve.

Al Rigby had moved away about that time. Some kid said he was a pervert. I'd had to look that word up. Was he? He'd taught me how to jack off, demonstrating on his own dick. But just that once. Never again did he see my dick or me see his.

Dad told me wet dreams were because I was growing up. He called them nocturnal emissions, and said they were due to hormonal changes. He also mentioned the word masturbation; I already knew what that was, courtesy of 6th grade health class. I didn't tell him I knew about jacking off, and really didn't want to tell him how often I did it. It wasn't something that either one of us wanted to talk about. He gave me some pages he'd printed from the internet. I never read them. Long before my 13th birthday the wet dreams stopped. I didn't know why and I didn't care.

But now I'd had another one. This time I was old enough to look it up on my own.

August 10: Dream or Nightmare?

The hand on my dick fit perfectly. Three and a half inches of fingers against four inches of warm, firm flesh. Up and down movement. Only it wasn't my hand. Both of my hands were pressed against the bottom sheet as if glued to it. I could feel the warm breath of the blue-eyed monster as he jerked me. It wasn't fowl or evil, it was just breath, with a hint of mint-flavored toothpaste.

It grunted as I began to shoot, moving his hand at just the perfect speed to get the maximum satisfaction possible.

"Better," it growled.

I woke up. Cum was everywhere, more than what one wet dream would produce. This looked like at least three times shooting. My pajama bottoms were unsnapped so it had covered the top sheet. The semen was cold; I'd released it during the night without waking. My dick was hard, jerking around to get me to pay attention to it. No reason to waste a tissue now.

I grabbed it and started stroking. It only took a minute. The cum arched up onto the top of my pajamas. Once it was over, I got out of bed and stripped so that I could use my pajamas to clean it up. But I was the victim of bad timing. Mom opened the door to my bedroom and stepped inside.

"Oh, Carl, look at the mess you've made." She totally ignored my nudity, but my younger sibling didn't. Wayne was twelve. He was trying hard to suppress a giggle.

Mom was stripping the sheets off my bed, my pajamas wrapped up in them, so I had nothing but my hands to cover my exposed privates.

"Go take a shower, you got it all over yourself," Mom said as she turned and saw me. Wayne lost his battle against giggling. I expected her to yell at him, but she didn't. My dick was getting hard again as I ran to the bathroom across the hall in shame.

"It wasn't me," I said to Dad that evening. "It was, uh, something with blue eyes and blond hair, and I don't even know if it was a boy or a girl. It attacked me while I slept."

"Carl, you have blue eyes and blond hair," he said, trying, unsuccessfully, to keep his voice even. "You're too old for this foolishness. I'm going to ask your mom to make an appointment with a doctor, just to make sure nothing is wrong."

He didn't say psychologist. He didn't need to. We both knew that was what he meant.

Mom bought some adult diapers for me to wear at night until we could meet with the doctor. That night at bedtime she sent Wayne to see if I had them on. I verbally tried to kick him out of my room, but he had the upper hand.

"I'll tell everyone about your wet dreams and that you have to wear diapers to bed," he smirked. "Or I can watch you put them on and check in the morning to see if you messed them."

Things were bad enough, and I didn't dare call his bluff. I wondered if he had come up with that on his own or if Mom or Dad had told him what to say. A grin covered his face as I removed the pajama bottoms.

"The top too," he said. "Nothing on except the diaper."

Could my life get even more fucked up?

August 21: The Beast

The doctor's office was in a small cluster of buildings not far from the hospital. It was on the second of two stories, and the first thing I thought of when I entered was blue. The walls were a faint shade of sapphire when I had expected white.

Doctor Phelps saw my mom first. There was a T.V. in the corner showing a soap opera and no other patients were in the room. I was bored and nervous. I didn't want to talk to anyone about my problem. Eight nights in the past ten I'd been visited. A new development, a finger in my ass was now another feature. And in the mornings the middle finger of my left hand smelled. I was made to cum several times each night, filling the diaper with my jizz. The face of the monster was becoming clearer. It was a boy, about my age, but nobody I'd ever met. Last night he told me I was ready. I had no idea what I was ready for.

"Tell me about yourself," Dr. Phelps asked politely when it was my turn in the office. My mother sat to my left, and I was directly in front of him.

I told him bits and pieces of my life. He prodded for more details, like how Wayne and I got along, how many friends I had, what gender my friends were. A lot of details I didn't want to say in front of Mom. Or to a total stranger for that matter. I deferred answering more and more of his questions.

Finally I'd had enough. "Look Doctor, it isn't me doing it. I'm visited by something in the night. Something that enjoys playing with, uh, my thing."

"Yes, your mom told me about that," he said. He picked up a small mirror from his desk and held it up in front of me. "Is this the monster that you see?"

"No!" I hollered. "It isn't me. And besides, the nose is all wrong, and the eyes are a deeper blue than mine."

"Calm down, please," he said softly. "Tell me what happens when you get visited. How it feels, and why you're so sure it is a beast."

I hadn't used the word 'beast' in my conversation with the doctor; nor had I used it with Dad the night before. I glanced to my left. Mom was staring straight ahead, but I knew she was paying close attention. I wasn't about to discuss how it felt in front of her. The doctor saw me look in that direction.

"Mrs. Franklin, can we step into the lobby for a minute? Carl will be fine right here."

I could see that Mom didn't want to leave, but she did. I was pissed about the mirror. An obvious ploy. He didn't believe it was anything except me playing with my dick. I wondered just how good a doctor he was to have even tried such a trick. My dad didn't earn much, so they couldn't have afforded any of the good shrinks around. Maybe that's why this one only had a small, second-floor office.

I got up and looked around the room. The doctor's diplomas were on the wall. A picture of him on a large boat landing a big fish. Two paintings of just lines and colors. I stepped behind the desk. There was a tray that slid out and it was partially pulled out. I pulled it the rest of the way.

Under a glass cover were photos. The doctor, and a woman who I presumed was his wife. And the beast. The boy. No doubt about it. He looked younger in the photo, but had the same deep blue eyes and curved nose. It was the beast.

As I stared at the picture, the door opened and Dr. Phelps entered, without my mother. He paused for a second. "Find anything interesting?" he asked. His voice did not sound accusatory. He wasn't acting like he cared that I had invaded his personal space. He walked over to me.

I thought about pushing the little tray back into the slot on the desk, but he'd already seen me looking.

"My wife, Marilyn," he said, putting a finger just below the picture of him and her. "And my son, Merric. He was 11 when that picture was taken. He's your age now." He stood there until I returned to my seat on the other side of his desk. He pushed the tray in and looked at me.

"I've asked your mother to wait outside because I felt that you didn't want to talk about things with her in the room. We were about to discuss how it feels when the beast visits you."

"Tell him about me," the beast's voice spoke in my head. Only this time it wasn't a deep growl, it was more like a puppy. "Tell him how much you enjoy it. Tell him it's me doing it. He'll love that. You'll be seeing him for years to come. Steady income for my family. A new car. Maybe a pool. Tell him about the finger, where you like …"

"Your son's hand is the same size as mine," I began, watching his eyes. They didn't change, much to my surprise. So I described how it felt as his son brought me to one orgasm after another. He took lots of notes, and I watched his eyes closely as I talked. They did seem to light up, which was a surprise. I expected anger and denial from accusing Merric. Something was wrong here.

Was his son really in my bedroom 4 or 5 nights a week? Did even I believe that? As I talked, my mind was occupied with other thoughts. Like, can I find out what is really going on? Am I really crazy? Or is this all some kind of sick joke.

A thought came to me. I'd learned in school that some governments, ours included, did experiments back in the '60s to see if they could get people to believe they were crazy. Was I part of a renewed testing program? Had the old cold war testing ever really ended? I needed to find out.

"And then I wake up, my pajamas covered in cold cum, and all I remember is the face of your boy," I concluded.

"You enjoyed it?" the doctor asked.

"I guess," I answered honestly. "But it was done against my will, and it landed me here, so in the end, no. It makes me angry and miserable." I saw another twinkle in his eyes. He liked hearing that. This was too strange. What if it was him and not his son? He had blue eyes, but his hair was brown. And his nose was completely different. I thought back to the picture of him and his wife. Her nose was curved, just like Merric's. But I didn't know the kid. I'd never met him. Why had I pictured his face?

"Carl, are you gay?" he asked.

What an absurd question. Of course I wasn't. Just the types of porn I hid on my computer showed that I liked girls and women. I thought back to the cold war experiments. Were they trying to make me believe I was gay?"

"I can tell from your silence that you aren't ready to answer that question," Dr. Phelps suggested. "Let's try another one. How do you feel about gays in general? If you met someone you knew was gay, would it bother you?"

"No, I guess not," I mused. I'd never really thought about it and I didn't know anyone who I knew was gay. Maybe Al Rigby was. A kid told me he was a pervert. Maybe he was just gay. All I knew was that he helped me and taught me how to jack off.

"What if you met someone, a boy, who wanted to touch your penis. Or to show you his. Would that bother you?"

I recalled how it felt to have my dick in Al Rigby's hand. And how amazed I was to see him with a boner and hair a year and a half ago. I hadn't been shocked by either. In fact, I rather enjoyed it.

"I wouldn't know unless someone offered to touch me," I said in response to his question. "How about Merric, is he gay?"

Finally I got a frown. Something the doctor didn't like. "Not that I'm aware of," he said as he stiffened in his seat. "And we are talking about you, not my son."

He changed topics and talked about if I felt suicidal or had other emotional issues. Did I use any drugs or alcohol? Smoke marijuana? Then he switched topics, asking about my health in general. Did I work out? When had I last had a physical exam? I was worried that he was going to conduct one, but he moved on.

Then he asked me to wait in the lobby and brought my mother back in. She was there for about 10 minutes before coming out. She was putting a plastic pill bottle in her handbag as she exited the room.

"What are the pills for?" I asked, a natural enough question.

"He prescribed them for you."

"Why are you being evasive?" I asked. "Obviously he did. What condition do I have that the shrink thinks can be corrected with pills?"

"They will help you to sleep," she said. "We have another appointment in two weeks."

That night she gave me one of the pills and watched as I took it. I tried to hide it under my tongue, but she gave me a bowl of ice cream and watched as I ate. There was no way to keep the pill under my tongue, so I had to swallow it. The whole thing felt peculiar.

Wayne came to my room as I was getting ready for bed. He had one of the diapers with him. "Just in case," he said. He stood there with a smile on his face as I removed my boxers and slipped it on. "You'd better be nice to me if you don't want your friends to find out." He left without saying another word.

If the pill was supposed to make me sleep it was a dismal failure. The beast woke me as it removed the diaper. This time I could clearly see its face. The exact same face as in the picture in Dr. Phelps desk.

"Did you like my daddy?" it snorted. "He liked you. I think you're going to be seeing him for a long time, which is good. He pays the bills and has other uses. But I will let him see you. We'll discuss that later. Right now, get out of bed and bend over the end. I'm going to make myself happy."

Was it a dream? I couldn't tell. The beast was talking loudly, almost shouting. My brother's room was right next door. He was a light sleeper. My parent's room was just down the hall. I noticed my door was open and the hall light was on.

"Bend over!" the beast shouted. It tried to push me down over the end of my bed. I guessed what it wanted.

"Not that, please, not that," I begged.

"A deal then?" it purred. "You offer your brother sex, anything he wants, in exchange for him not telling anyone about your perversions. As often as he likes."

"I, can't, not him." It was more than me not wanting to make such an offer. I knew he'd refuse, but would think less of me for offering. Wayne is as totally straight as I am. He'd been caught with pictures of naked women twice on his computer. He had a girlfriend. I'd seen him get a tent in his shorts when we watched movies that had back shots of naked women.

"You'll change your mind," the beast vowed. "Maybe I'll tell daddy you're scared of having him examine you. Encourage him to do it. In front of your brother."

"Why won't you just leave me alone," I cried.

"Because this is too much fun," the beast gloated. "And you don't get to make the rules. Today, you will find a boy and suck his dick. Any boy age 12 or older. Sucking dicks earn you brownie points. The older the boy, the more points you get. More than one boy gives you more points. The more you have, the more time between my visits. Do you agree to this? Or would you rather suck me here, now?"

I didn't want to touch that evil prick with my hand, let alone put it in my mouth. "I agree," I sobbed.

"Do not fail to suck one today, or tomorrow you will wake up naked in your brother's bed with your hard prick pressing against the back of his pajamas and your cum staining the back of his pajamas."

In a blink of an eye the Beast was gone. I was back in my room. The diaper was on the floor at the foot of my bed, right where I'd been bent over pleading with the beast not to fuck me.

I knew a boy. Glen Perez. Six months ago he offered me a dare. We each would draw two cards from a deck and keep one of them. The one who had the lowest card had to suck the other one. I refused. Today I was going to accept. And I was going to do my best to lose. I could not risk the threat of waking up naked in Wayne's bed.

I dressed and ate breakfast alone in the kitchen. My parents were awake in their room, getting ready for their day. I wasn't sure if I'd ever be ready for mine. Not wanting to face them, I left before they came down. I hung out in the park, waiting until it was time to go and see Perez.

Glen looked surprised when I suggested we do the dare I'd previously refused. But he agreed. "No backing out, if you lose, you suck," he said. I agreed. He got a deck of cards and let me shuffle them.

"Aces are high," he said as he dealt two cards to each of us from the top of the deck.

I had a 9 and an 8, and I kept the 8. I didn't want him to know I was playing to lose so I kept the card I didn't use face down. He had a 9, but turned up his other card – a 2. He turned over my discard.

"Why did you throw away the 9?" he asked.

I looked down. "Shit, I thought I kept that one. Can I have it back?"

He believed me, and laughed as he shook his head. "You gotta suck me." He stood, but I offered a deal.

"I screwed up by mistake, give me a chance. If I win, it erases the blowjob I owe you. If I lose, I owe you two."

"Sounds fair," he said. He sat down and dealt four more cards from the top of the deck. This time I had a 10 and a 4. It was going to be harder to lose now that I knew he'd look at my discard, so I kept the 10. He had a King and a 9.

"Now you owe me two. I'm going to really enjoy this."

"Wait, give me one more try," I pleaded. "I lose, I give you two today and another one on each of the next four days. If I win, I only have to suck you once."

He considered it for a few seconds before he shrugged his shoulders and dealt four more cards.

I had a Jack and a 10. I was worried I'd win, and horrified that I might not. He had a Queen and a 10.

"Ha! I get two today, and then four more," he cheered. "No more deals, I want my two now." He stood and stripped his shorts and boxers off right there in his kitchen. His dick was a lot like my own, only his was hard. Probably a bit more than 4 inches long, and with just a smattering of hair around the base. His had a small, tapered head.

"Come on, you made a deal," he urged. "Suck it, and swallow my cum."

"That wasn't part of the deal," I complained.

"My house, my rules," was his response. But he gave in. "Okay, not this time. But next time we play you'll know."

He sat on the edge of one of the kitchen chairs with his legs spread, and I got between his knees. I didn't want to think about what I was about to do, I just wanted to get it done. I took it in, too much at first, almost making me gag. I pulled back a bit.

"Don't touch me with your teeth," he grumbled. "Shit, is this the first time you've sucked dick?"

I didn't answer the question. As far as I was concerned, only gay boys did this. And those in trouble with a beast from hell.

"Wrap your tongue around the head as you slide your lips up and down the shaft." Glen had clearly done this before and he was teaching me how. I was reminded of Al Rigby teaching me how to jack off.

I kept it up for several minutes, listening to his instructions. And then he said, "Get ready, I'm about to shoot." Moments later, four thick ropes of chunky sperm filled my mouth. I ran to his bathroom and spit it out.

"That was pretty good for a first time," he said. "I'll make a deal if you want. We won't do the second one today, but tomorrow I'll invite Daniel King over and you can pay off one I owe him and then the one you owe me for tomorrow."

"Isn't he like 11 years old?" I asked. If so, he wouldn't count for the Beast's challenge.

"He just turned 12 a few weeks ago, and he's got a tiny dick. He doesn't shoot much, but he's a lucky son of a bitch. He's beaten me at this game about twice as often as I've beaten him. But he will expect you to swallow."

I needed another boy to suck, so even though I'd have to swallow, I agreed on the spot.

The next day, Daniel was at Glen's house when I got there. He'd already been told why I was coming. The deck of cards was on the kitchen table when I arrived.

"Perez told me what you lost," the boy began as I took a seat, "And I willing to risk not getting sucked off today for a chance at more. We play one game. If you lose, you blow me today and again on each of the next two days. But if I lose, I get nothing. Not even the one you were going to give me for the one Glen owes me."

"Okay," I responded, trying not to sound eager. I needed to suck the kid off as much as possible to keep the Beast at bay. It hadn't visited me last night, and I wanted to keep it that way until I could figure out how to get rid of it. "But what if Glen wins?"

"No, this game will just be between you and me," Daniel said. "If you want to really take a chance, we could play with the jokers in the deck. Either of us draws a joker and it automatically means a win and the bet is doubled. You draw one, I give you a blowjob instead of you sucking my dick. I draw one, I get two today and one more for the next four days. And we both agree that swallowing is expected, no matter who loses."

Reluctantly, I agreed. I sincerely hoped I would not draw a joker as I agreed to the new condition. Glen put the two jokers in the deck and shuffled the cards. He allowed me to cut the deck, which I did, and then he dealt the four cards, starting with me.

Right off the bat, I saw a problem. I had a King and a 7. If I threw away the king and they looked at it, they'd know I was trying to lose. I couldn't explain why I would do that without them thinking I was gay and want to suck their dicks. So I kept it, hoping that I could talk Daniel into another round or two.

He had a huge smile on his face as he immediately flipped over both of his cards, a Joker and a 4. "Unless you got the other joker, I win, and the debt is doubled."

I showed the king, relieved that I didn't win.

Beaming with joy, he removed his lower clothing. Glen hadn't lied, this kid's dick was small. Probably normal size for a boy who had just turned twelve, but no more than 3 and a quarter inches long. He had no visible hair.

I got between his knees. He moaned with pleasure as I worked on the small dick. When he shot, it was much thinner than Glen's had been, and there was less of it. But he was both proud and happy.

"Do Perez while I recover," he instructed.

By the time I left, I'd given three blowjobs, two to King and one to Glen. I met up with them each day for the next four days, sucking their dicks. And getting better at it. I wondered if they'd talk about it when school started and hoped not. The best part was, I wasn't visited by the Beast again that week or the week after.

September 4th: Second Thoughts

I hadn't spent the last week celebrating my victory over the Beast. After finishing off the blowjobs I owed to Glen and Daniel, I knew It would be back. But this time I hoped to be ready.

I'd done some research using the internet at the library. At first I thought that the Beast might be a succubus, which was some kind of demon that tormented men. But they were always women, and my Beast was definitely a male. There was a male version, called an incubus, but they only tormented girls.

Kyle Seyfried lived near me, but he didn't go to my middle school. He'd attended St. Christopher's, the local Catholic school, for as long as I'd known him. I knew never to visit him on Sunday as that was a day for Church and family only. Summers he was gone for two weeks to camp, something called CYSC. I asked once if I could go with him because he enjoyed it so much, but he said I'd have to be Catholic.

He was more than just a bit surprised when I asked him if he could get me some holy water.

Of course he wanted to know why, and I told him about the Beast. How he looked like a kid and enjoyed making me measurable. I told him it made me jack off for him, but didn't mention what I'd done to Daniel and Glen.

"Well, it probably isn't the devil," Kyle said very straight-faced. "Satan thinks he is all-knowing, but actually he is not. The truth is, demons are the one who stretch the power for Satan."

"You learn that kind of stuff at St. Christopher's?" I asked.

"No, they kind of stick to more main-stream topics. I learned that from Ephesians."

"What's that, some other kind of monster?"

He laughed. "No, don't be silly. It's the 10th book of the New Testament. The Epistle of Paul to the Ephesians. It tells us that demons do the work of Satan, and that to protect ourselves from them we need to put on the full armor of God. To stand fast, to be honest, to do God's work. I can get my bible if you want."

"No, that's okay, I think I get it. Will holy water help? And can you get some?"

"Yeah, I can get all you want. And I guess it would work even though you are a heathen."

The next day I proudly accepted a mason jar full of what he said was holy water. The way he handled it told me he believed it was, and I didn't think he'd lie about something like that.

I put some on my pillow that night, and a few drops on my dick. I hoped that God wouldn't mind. I kept the rest on my nightstand. But that wasn't all I did before going to bed.

I had found a small camera that I was able to hide in my room. It drew power from a wall plug instead of a battery, and when it detected motion it sent a video to my computer. The first night I set it up I found a problem. When I got up the next morning I had over 400 big .avi files filling up my computer. I changed it from sending video to sending pictures.

Today I had the next meeting with the shrink. The Beast had said Dr. Phelps was his dad, and based on the picture of the kid, I believed him. I thought about filling a squirt gun I had left over from my childhood with the last of the holy water and shooting him with it, but decided not to. I did however pour some into a plastic test tube I'd had from a chemistry set a couple of years ago and put that in my shirt pocket where it would be nearby if I needed it.

"Why is he coming?" I asked Mom when Wayne got in the car with us.

"Dr. Phelps wants to meet with him too," she answered. She didn't offer anything more, not even when I asked why. My brother was oddly quiet and seemed like he hadn't slept much last night. Maybe the pills really did work for I'd slept well.

Mom went into his office first while Wayne and I cooled our heals in the waiting room. A woman came over with a small plastic cup and a glass of water.

"Doctor Phelps wants you to take this," she stated. "It is just something to relax you a bit. You won't even notice the difference."

I could have refused, but it didn't seem like it would matter. I took the pill. After about ten minutes, the door opened and Dr. Phelps invited my brother to come in. It was another fifteen minutes before I was summoned.

As I entered, Mom was just leaving. "Do as you're told and don't cause trouble," she said without explanation.

His office was slightly different than last time I was here. Most notably was the addition of a small exam bed like in a real doctor's office.

"I'm going to want a sperm sample," Dr. Phelps said. "Please remove your clothing and lie back on the bed."

He said it as though it was normal and expected. I looked in the corner where my brother sat. The only reaction Wayne had was a smile.

"Please, it won't take long," the doctor assured.

"Not in front of my brother," I protested.

"Your mother insisted that either she or he be present. I thought you would rather it be him. Your brother can hardly keep his eyes open. I don't think he slept well last night. I checked, and nothing seems to be wrong with him other than being tired. Come on, get undressed, this won't take long."

He guided me over to the bed where I sat on the end. "You don't need to take your shirt off, just your shorts and underpants," he coaxed me.

Something was wrong with all of this. I sat there for a few seconds. "What was the pill I took?"

"I knew you'd be uncomfortable with this, so it was just something to help you relax. Come now, you're too old to need my help. Remove your lower clothing and we'll be done with this in a few minutes."

I felt the presence of the Beast. I didn't see him, but this was what he'd threatened me with last time he was in my room. It was time to test my secret weapon. I stood and unsnapped my shorts, letting them fall to my ankles. Then I pushed my boxers down to join them before sitting back on the exam table.

Dr. Phelps pulled out the extension under my legs, and as he did I poured the holy water I'd brought onto my dick.

"Just close your eyes and let me take care of this," the doctor said. I did as he said until I felt something pressed over my mouth and nose. I opened my eyes and saw he was holding a mask over me.

"Don't fight, this will just help you to sleep for a few minutes. Breathe deep."

I tried to lift the mask, but he was stronger. I felt calm, and then nothing.

"Are we having fun yet Carl? Your brother sure is."

It took a moment before I realized that I was awake. I could feel bindings on my ankles, knees, wrists, chest, and forehead, preventing me from moving. Wayne's dick was in my mouth! He was hard, and driving in and out while the Beast matched his movements with his hands on my dick. The holy water hadn't helped.

"I'm trying to make both of the Franklin boys cum at the same time," It crackled. "One in your mouth, the other in my hand. My dad already got his sample. He really enjoyed jacking you off. Your brother laughed as you filled dad's test tube with your sperm."

"Ah, here he goes," the Beast giggled. "Swallow everything your brother feeds you." It started stroking my dick faster. Me and Wayne shot at the same time.

"You need to find some new boys to suck," the Beast said. "Glen and Daniel were cool, and you can use them again, but I want you to see boys other than just them. Or do your brother a few times. That would be cool. Let him fuck you, that's how to keep me happy. And when I'm happy, you can sleep at night. Speaking of which, time for you to go bye bye again."

It snapped its fingers and the room spun into darkness.

"There, how are you feeling?" I heard. "We're all done here. Everything seems to work just fine."

I was on the exam table. My underpants and shorts had been restored to where they belonged. Mom and Wayne both looked, well, odd. But I could see that my brother had an erection pushing up the front of his shorts.

While Mom paid the copay, Wayne and I sat in the back of the waiting room.

"That was so cool," he whispered. "He put these little rings with wires on them at the top and bottom of your dick and used an electrical signal to jack you off. You really looked like you were enjoying it, and you filled the little bag he'd placed over the tip with your cum. He said it was an E-Stim. I'll have to look that up. Maybe I could buy one and tie you down and milk you so you wouldn't need the diaper."

"That's all that happened?" I asked. "You don't remember the other stuff?"

"What other stuff? You weren't cooperating, so he put you to sleep and used the electrical thing to get you to cum. Then he pulled your pants up and waited for the gas to wear off. He left the room to go tell Mom everything was good. That's all. What did you think happened?"

"Nothing," I said sharply. Mom was done at the counter and we headed home.

That night, the Beast visited me again. It made a good enough threat to convince me to suck its enormous dick. Then it left.

The next morning I checked my computer. I wanted to have something I could print, something to prove that the Beast was there. But when I checked the pictures, I was shocked. It was Wayne, and his dick wasn't huge. Quite normal for his age. He stood to the side of my bed, right where the Beast had been. Just him, nothing else. I had six pictures of me giving my brother a blowjob. Something was very wrong with my hypothesis about this being a creature from hell.

At breakfast, he should have been gloating, making fun of me. But he wasn't.

"How'd you sleep?" I quizzed. "Any dreams?"

He blushed. "I slept fine," was all he said. But he looked like he'd hardly slept at all. "Why do you care?"

"Because you look like crap, and because you were in my room last night."

"I, uh, I some weird dreams. But I was not in your room."

"You were," I corrected him. "And I gave you a blowjob. I thought it was the Beast, but it was you."

His cheeks and ears turned red. "I'm pretty sure I would have remembered something like that."

"I can prove it. Come with me." He looked unsure, but he followed me back to my room. Only he paused at the door. "If you want to blow me, we can do it in my room," he stated.

"I don't, and you don't need to come in. You can see it from where you are standing. I hid a camera in my room." I moved my mouse to wake up my computer. "It took these six pictures." I went through them slowly, looking at Wayne's expression as each one came up on the screen. By the third one, he entered the room and stood in front of my monitor.

"I, uh, dreamed this last night," he said. "I dreamed I was standing right there and you were on your side sucking my dick."

"Only it wasn't a dream," I said. "Something else is going on. Someone is fucking with our brains. And I'm sure that Dr. Phelps is part of it. I sucked you off in his office too. You and the Beast, or whatever it is, were both there. I don't have a picture of that, but I did it."

"I dreamed that too," he said softly. "And in my dream, some kid was there watching."

"Not a dream," I insisted. "Who was next to you while I sucked you off?"

He looked confused. But he was concentrating. "A kid? A boy about our age?"

"With a bent nose. He had blue eyes and blond hair, and he's between us in height."

"Yeah," Wayne said as he remembered. "What the hell is going on?"

"That is the question of the hour. I have no idea at all. I thought it was a demon or something until I saw the pictures. I even had Kyle Seyfried get me some holy water. That didn't work, of course."

"Holy water?"

"Remember, I thought it was a demon. I was doing what Kyle said, and putting on the armor of god. Something from the bible. He knew all about it."

He didn't have anything to say to that. Then I remembered something.

"One thing the Beast said right after I swallowed your cum in the office. I had to get different boys to suck off. Or let you fuck me. He said that would keep him happy and when he was happy, I would be able to sleep all night."

"Wait, you want me to fuck you? Is that really what this is all about? Are you a gay?"

"No," I emphasized. "I don't want that. But I may need for you to do it. Except what I can't figure out is how it knew that I sucked off Glen Perez and Daniel King."

"You did what?" he asked.

"Don't judge me. I was scared. And it bought me 10 nights of sleep without a visitor."

"Why are you telling me this stuff?" Wayne asked. "I think you're fucking with me. Doing something to make me dream stuff and then act them out."

"Not me, the Beast. I can't put thoughts in your head, or make you think you did something that you didn't do. But It can. It wants to have sex with me I think, but for some reason it can't. So it's using you and making me think I'm sucking its dick. The pictures prove that."

"They prove you gave me a blowjob," he admitted. "But maybe you wanted to do it. Maybe you're giving me drugs so I don't remember."

"Then why would I show you the pictures?" I asked. He didn't have an answer, but I could see in his eyes that he wasn't convinced. He didn't believe in Beasts from hell any more than I had until recently. I let him walk off. He'd have to arrive at the truth his own way. I had things I needed to do. First off, get the name of the pill Mom gave me each night. Then, find out what it really was.

I almost missed it. I was looking for a prescription for Carl Franklin. What I found was written for Deloris Franklin, my mom. I just happened to see that the prescribing doctor was Dr. Phelps. The bottle was missing more pills than I had taken.

I went straight to my room and looked it up. Silenor. It was not approved for children under the age of 18. And possible side effects included actions like driving, walking, or using the phone with no memory of doing it the next day. It also could cause delusions and hallucinations. Bingo! But as I thought about it, it seemed more like what Wayne was experiencing than me. This could explain so much. But I had to first figure out how to use the information I now had.

I left the house to go visit Glen Perez. I had to know if he or Daniel had told anyone about the blowjobs I'd given.

Before I got there Kyle Seyfried called my name as he came up the side block. I turned to join him.

"Did the holy water work?" he asked.

"No, but now I don't think it's a demon. I think the shrink my Mom is sending me to is drugging me. He prescribed pills for me that can make you have delusions or hallucinations."

"Really? That's pretty strange. What's his name?"

"Dr. Phelps," I said. He gave me a strange look. "Does that name mean something to you?"

"He's a good doctor I guess. The priests at my school use him for kids who need help."

There was something he wasn't saying. I waited.

"I've met him. I've been in his house. He has a kid our age. I'd known him for years. Then suddenly, one day at my house he, uh … Look, I can't talk about this."

"The kid's name is Merric, and I'll bet he wanted you to suck his dick."

"NO!" Kyle said. But his eyes said otherwise. "At least, not like that. He told me I was a sinner and would go to hell because I masturbate. He challenged my beliefs. And, uh, I think he was right. And then he did offer to exchange blowjobs, which I said would clearly be sinful so I refused."

Before I could speak, his expression changed. "Wait a second. Merric goes to St. Christopher. How do you know him?"

"Because, he's the one I thought was the demon. But now I'm not as sure as I was a few minutes ago that he isn't one."

"He can't be. He was baptized, and took the Sacrament of Confirmation in 2nd grade just like me. He goes to mass, takes the Eucharist. No demon could do any of that."

"My advice would be to put on your Armor of God if you go near him," I said. "There is something really weird going on, and Doctor and Merric Phelps seem to be at the center of it."

I could see that I'd scared Kyle. His eyes wide, he backed away from me a few steps before turning back in the direction he'd approached me from. I felt bad for him. He really did believe all the stuff in the bible.

Glen Perez wasn't home, and I wasn't sure where Daniel King lived, so I returned to my house. My mom's car was missing, and so was Wayne, so I had the place to myself. I went to my room and looked at the pictures from last night again. I expanded them, looking for any sort of clue.

I clearly was sucking my brother's dick. At the time, I thought it was the unbelievably long snake-like dick of the beast. But the picture proved it was just a normal one belonging to a totally straight twelve-year-old boy. I was about to close it when I noticed something I had missed before. Right at the edge of the picture on the floor was a shadow. And it wasn't Wayne's. Someone had been with him in my room. I searched my computer. The six pictures were all that it had from last night.

There should have been more. At least one picture showing Wayne entering the room. Or him before I started sucking his dick. But the first one had his dick already in my mouth, and the last one was me swallowing his cum. There was no picture of him arriving or leaving.

I needed to get out of here. Too many bad moments in the past weeks had occurred in this room. I fled to an area of the park where I could be alone and try to think this through. But the change in location didn't help. I couldn't figure out what was real and what wasn't. Was Merric Phelps really a demon? If so, how could he attend mass? It was no wonder the holy water didn't work if a priest at an altar didn't faze the beast. It had to be a boy. But what could it possibly do to make my brother come to me in his sleep for a blowjob? And just as important, why would it make him do it? I had no answers for those questions, so I returned home.

Mom was back, but I avoided her. Wayne was in his room, laying on his bed. He turned his back on me when I looked in.

Dinner was a quiet affair that night. I might as well have dined by myself, as I don't think anyone said more than two words.

That night around bed time my dad entered my room without knocking. He had my camera in his hands. I hadn't even noticed that it was missing.

"Carl, Wayne told me that you used this to get pictures of you, uh, doing oral sex with him."

"That's not true," I started.

"Carl, I found the pictures on your computer and deleted them. Look, Wayne accepts that you are gay, and doesn't even mind you, uh, using him. He told me that you've also done it with two other boys. I …"

"Dad, I'm not gay," I asserted.

"Did you put Glen Perez and Daniel King's penis' in your mouth and get them to shoot? Did you brag about doing it to Wayne? He said you were going to get more boys to allow you to do it, and he's worried about your reputation. I want you to be safe, so maybe be very careful who you do it with. Wayne said he knows a couple of boys he trusts."

And I was willing to bet that he'd been given those two names today at Dr. Phelps office. That had to be where Mom had taken him. He'd clearly been drugged; but again, I just couldn't figure out why.

After my father left I logged onto my computer. The pictures were gone. And that meant that he knew my password. There was no sense in changing it. I was convinced that Merric – either the boy or the Beast – had been on my computer during the night, hiding the evidence I needed. If he got in once, he could do it again.

I thought about using Wayne's, but I decided they would expect that too. I was pretty sure they hadn't known about the research I did from the computer at the library, so that was a possibility. But if I really wanted one that had the highest chance of being safe it would probably belong to someone they didn't expect me to visit. I decided that first thing tomorrow I'd visit Glen Perez and make him an offer. A price to be paid for the use of his computer.

September 5th: Monsters

That night I was visited by Merric Phelps. He didn't pretend to be a demon this time, nor did I feel like I was drugged or dreaming.

"Tonight, I am either going to fuck you or you are going to suck my dick. Which one depends on whether or not you can correctly answer this question. Am I real, or am I a demon?"

I tried to get up, but my legs wouldn't work.

"A simple nerve block, easily reversed," he disclosed. "Answer the question."

"You're neither. A monster, not a living creature or one controlled by a devil."

"See? I knew you had balls. But that isn't one of your choices. If you refuse to answer the question, I will fuck you anyway. Rough sex. It will hurt. And I will make it last. I'll give you something to remember. Answer the question."

I reasoned it out. His father was a real person, I was sure of that. And if that was correct, the fact that he kept a picture of Merric in his desk must mean that the boy was also human. The only problem was, the picture was a few years old. The real son could have been replaced with the demon. Except that the demon couldn't attend mass. That left one other possibility I hadn't considered before, and felt stupid for not realizing it until now.

"The real Merric still exists. The question is which one of you is here now, because I believe there are two of you. One human, and one something else."

"Bravo," he praised. "But which one am I?"

Kyle. He'd told me all about the demons. Quoted the bible. I thought back. I knew he was Catholic, and really deeply believed in God. I recalled asking him once if he ever jacked off. He said he had, even though it was a sin. But he'd said it with a normal voice, no mention of Merric and no reaction like the one I'd seen yesterday. Maybe the one I'd been with yesterday was a fake. A monster, who told me what I wanted to believe. And boldly lied to me, something my real friend would not do. But I didn't think this was the case. Something had changed.

"How did you know I sucked off two kids?" I asked.

"Answer the fucking question," a voice from hell itself boomed. Then Merric pulled out his phone. "Nice trick, huh? I record stuff and make it sound really scary. I made you believe I was a demon. It doesn't take much. But I'm not going to ask again. Which one am I?"

I really had no idea, so I guessed. "You're alive. A human. Still a monster, but flesh and blood."

"Then suck me off and if I cum you'll know you were right." He pulled his pants down. He didn't have underpants on. His dick was no different than my own, or Glen or Daniel's. Slightly different sizes, color, and hair, but basically all the same. I sucked it, and after a few minutes he shot. Apparently I'd guessed right.

Merric didn't leave, and he didn't put his pants back on either. "Get up and bend over the bed."

I was scared. I didn't want this to happen. "I thought you said it was one or the other." Cold, slippery stuff was being spread inside my ass.

The monster bent over me. I could feel his erection pushing between my ass cheeks. "This if for telling your brother the truth. This is going to hurt a bit. Push out instead of clinching tighter, that will help."

He slowly drove in. There was a burning feeling as the head of his dick pushed through the hole. Then once inside the pain mostly subsided. He drove in all the way. I could feel the hairs around his dick pressing against my ass cheeks. He began a slow, rhythmic in and out motion that lasted for minutes before he moaned softly and I could feel him ejaculating inside me.

"Get used to it," he said as he pulled out. "This won't be your last time. Let Wayne be the first to learn that you are gay, and don't talk to him of monsters or demons. Invite him to dip his dick into you. He'll love doing it, trust me. And no more pictures."

He turned out the light as he left my room. I waited until I heard the front door to the house close before I got up and ran to the bathroom to shit out his cum.

September 6th: Being Gay

Wayne seemed fine the next morning. He looked like he'd slept all of his problems and fears away. I said a simple "Good morning," to him to see what reaction I'd get.

"Dad said it was okay for you to be gay." Not the response I expected at all. "He even said I should help you decide, you know, boys to experiment with. Kids that can be trusted."

"Like you?" I asked.

"Well, you did say you wanted me to fuck you, and that might be uh, fun. For both of us."

I didn't correct him. I had clearly said I did not want him to fuck me, but that it might become necessary. Not fun.

"Mom's out," he continued. We could do it right after you eat. If you still want to."

"Is that what you want?" I posed the question to give him a chance to say 'no' if he wanted.

"I'm not like you. I like girls. But Dad said it would be okay to do stuff with you that I can't do with a girl until I'm an adult."

That didn't sound a bit like my father, but then nothing made sense to me anymore. And both the monster Merric and the demon version had told me to let him fuck me. "Do you even know how to do it?"

Wayne blushed. He looked away. "Dad kind of looked it up and we discussed it. I have something he gave me to make my dick slippery."

An hour later he was inside me. He'd been gentle, moving slow. But he'd noticed that my hole had some lube already. I thought I'd cleaned it after being fucked last night, but obviously I hadn't done a good enough job. He wanted to know who did it before him.

"Why, did you want to be the first?" I asked rhetorically.

But he thought the question was intended to be answered. "That would have been cool. And safer. Who beat me to it?"

I couldn't think of a reason to not lie. "Merric Phelps. You probably don't know him."

"Yeah, I do. I met him a couple of times at his father's office while you were in the examining room. He seems cool."

The conversation ended as he approached his climax. He leaned in harder. I heard his breathing change, then a soft moan as he shot his load three inches inside me.

"That was great," he proclaimed as he got off me. "When can I do that again?" Maybe he saw my face, or just stopped to think. "I mean, it felt good for me, I hope it was okay for you too."

"It was okay," I sighed. "And yeah, we can do it again. Maybe tomorrow. I have some stuff I need to do today and first I need to take a shower."

"We can shower together," he suggested. This was strange, he'd never before wanted to be anywhere around me if either of us were naked. "I can do a better job at cleaning all the slippery stuff than you did."

He at least let me take a dump by myself. When he heard me start the shower he came in, naked as the day he was born. Only unlike that day, today he had a boner.

He must have seen me notice it. "I'm not gay like you, but the feeling when I was in you was the best I've ever felt, and just thinking about it made me get hard again. But I'm good until tomorrow. Come on, the water's hot enough."

I think the last time we'd shared a shower was when we were five and four. This time made me uncomfortable. Especially when I got hard as he used a soapy finger to clean my hole. I mentally blamed it on him rubbing my prostrate.

As we were drying off, he said, "I've got a couple of friends coming over today, you've met them. Tom Byers and Jeff Miller. They are, uh, okay with sex. They've wanted to do stuff with me but I always told them no. I think Tom might be gay. Anyway, I think you could maybe spend some time with them. They wouldn't tell anyone."

I knew Tom because he had a brother my age. Not a friend exactly, but not an enemy either. We just ran in different circles. I'd met his brother several times, and never thought for a second that the kid might be gay. The other boy I'd only seen around a few times with Wayne and didn't really know much about him. But if I was going to play the game Merric had designed for me I guess I was going to know far more about him than I wanted to.

I went to Glen's house, but like yesterday, he wasn't home. Kyle Seyfried didn't live far away from him, so I decided to go and talk with him about demons and stuff and hope he wouldn't run away from me.

I knew something was wrong the minute Kyle answered the door. First, he was naked and hard. And second, Merric was standing right behind him, also naked and hard.

"Come in," the monster said to me in a voice that purred and sounded inviting. "Kyle and I were just about to have some fun."

"Yeah, come in," my friend offered, only his voice sounded like I was hearing it through a mile-long string between two tin cans.

It was time to face my enemy. Stand up for myself. Be brave. I just wished my knees weren't knocking together as I entered the house.

"Leave Kyle alone," I threatened. "Or I'll …"

Merric changed. His eyes turned red, and his dick became a foot-long green, living beast. "Or you'll what?"

I threw a punch. It landed in the monster's face, which felt kind of soft. It was like punching a bag of whipped cream. The monster's face distorted and then returned to look like Merric.

"Come now, no need for that," it stated in a human voice that sounded like Merric. Soft spoken, and with no malice behind it. "I'm just giving Seyfried what he wants, same as I do for you and your brother."

"He doesn't want to suck your demon dick," I yelled. "What the hell are you anyway?"

"You should know, you brought me into this world. And only you can make me leave."

"You're a creature from hell doing the devil's work, but I'm going to stop you."

It chuckled. "Really? How exactly? And why? We can have so much fun together doing things you've long wanted to do. Admit it, when I fucked you, it felt good. Same thing when Wayne fucked you. You enjoyed it. Or you would, if you remembered something important that you've forgotten."

"I didn't enjoy it!" But inside, I realized it had felt good both times. "And Kyle believes in God. You told him he'd go to hell for jacking off yet you're making him suck your dick."

"I'm doing no such thing, you have it backwards. I was about to suck his dick. It's what he wants."

"Then why does it hurt him? It makes him feel like he's challenged God, something he takes very seriously."

"Yes, he does, but that isn't the real story. He does like having his dick sucked. He'd love it if you would do it to him. And you'd enjoy doing it. I'll let you do it instead of me if that is what you desire."

I threw another punch. This one bloodied the monster's lip and hurt my hand. There was no whipping cream in this form, only flesh and blood. Bone and teeth.

"Stop," Kyle begged. "Don't hurt him, he isn't even fighting back. Just leave. He and I are about to do something. Go."

It was my friend's voice, and it sounded sincere. But it also was totally wrong. Kyle would never want to do what he was about to.

"You need to remember," the monster said as it guided me towards the door. "That day you were fishing. When you remember what you forgot, then you'll remember the rest. Go home, Tom Byers and Jeff Miller will be there soon to help take care of your needs." He pushed me out and closed the door.

I didn't want to return home. I didn't want to be fucked by, or suck off, Wayne's two friends. The monster was lying to me, trying to convince me that this was normal. Something I wanted to do. It was a monster. Or a demon. It didn't matter either way. It spread filth with every human it met. It had to be sent back to where it came from. And I had to find out a way to do that.

If the demon now had control of Kyle, perhaps it was time to bring his church into this. I knew I had to tread lightly here; I didn't want his school knowing he was having sexual encounters. But I could tell them all about the demon and ask that they get rid of it.

I had never been to St. Christopher's, but I knew where it was. It was easy to tell which building was the church and which were part of the school. I entered through the front doors and was meant by a man in a black shirt and black pants who had been just about to exit. I wondered why priests would wear black.

"Good morning," the man said pleasantly. "Can I help you with anything?"

"Are you a priest?"

He held out his hand and I took it. He had a strong grip. "No, I'm a deacon. Deacon Kant. If you need a priest, I can direct you. But if I knew the purpose of your visit, I could get you to the one most able to help you."

"I, uh, think I might be seeing demons," I said. I expected a laugh, or that he would be condescending to me. But instead he rubbed his chin.

"Normally I would have sent you to see Father Nichols. But I think Father Kennedy would be the proper person for this purpose. If you'll follow me, I'll take you directly to his office."

He went out the doors I had just entered, and I followed him. We went over to a building between the school area and the church, and up to the third floor. Several other priests greeted him as we passed, and none of them questioned where he was taking me. At the end of a hall, he knocked once on a door and then opened it. "Father Kennedy, this young man wants to talk to you about demons."

He stepped aside and let me enter, and then he left and shut the door behind him. The priest in front of me was elderly, and seated behind a small desk. He quickly cleared off the papers in front of him and invited me to bring a chair over from along the wall.

"I'm Father Kennedy," he began. "And who do I have the pleasure of meeting this fine day?"

"I'm Carl. Carl Franklin. I'm not Catholic."

"Well, Carl, for conversation with me, being Catholic isn't necessary. Tell me, what did you tell Deacon Kant to have him bring you all the way back to my office?"

"I'm sorry, if you've more important stuff that you …"

"Nothing is more important to me than helping those who need help," he interrupted. "Even those who are not members of my faith. Please, tell me what troubles you, and why you think it involves demons?"

Suddenly, I realized that I didn't have a plan. If I told him I was being fucked by a member of his church or my brother he'd throw me out on my ear. Same thing if I said I was sucking dick. He waited without rushing me, or looking over at the papers he had moved. He simply waited for me to continue.

"I, uh, I'm not gay," I began. I thought his eyes got more focused, but other than that he had no reaction. "A demon made me do stuff that would be considered gay. I didn't want to, but he takes control of my body. I tried using holy water to stop him, but it didn't work."

"If you don't mind telling me, from where did you obtain holy water?"

"A, uh, boy I know who goes to school here. Do I have to tell you his name?"

"No, you don't, but please understand there is no problem with him providing you with some as long as he believed you were going to use it for a proper purpose. Preventing a demon attack would suffice. But if you don't want to tell me his name, that's fine too. How did you use it?"

"At first I thought the demon was a doctor, and in his office he was going to get a sperm sample from me. I, uh, washed my dick, I mean penis, with it. But he got the sample anyway. But I don't think he's the demon, I think it's his son. Actually, not his son, but a demon who looks just like the kid. He made me, uh, do oral stuff with my brother."

"He made you do stuff you said. Do you mean the doctor, the boy, or the demon?"

"The demon. He took control of my brother's brain. Wayne, that's my brother, didn't remember me doing it afterwards. But the demon also made me do it in my room at night, and a hidden camera I had took pictures of it. Only the pictures didn't show the demon I sucked off, it was Wayne. He didn't remember that either but when I showed him the pictures he said he'd dreamed it happened. He also said Merric was with him." I stopped. In my rant, I'd given him a name I shouldn't have.

"It is interesting that you are the second person to come here in a week and tell me he thought Merric Phelps was a demon. I think you know who the first person was."

"He's a good friend of mine, and I don't want him to get into any trouble. I, uh, know stuff."

"Undoubtably 'stuff' that he confessed to me. Our rules are old, and don't always fit the modern world. I absolved him of the sin. And I am proud of you wanting to protect him."

"So, there is a demon out there?" I questioned. "Are you already doing something about it?"

He didn't answer immediately. "The Church still has priests who can perform exorcisms. All priests are aware of the rules for determining if someone is possessed. Things like cutting their skin, losing control of their personality, speaking in tongues, levitating objects, and especially antipathy toward entering a church, speaking Jesus' name, or hearing scripture. You are not claiming to be possessed, and I can clearly say that Merric Phelps and Kyle Seyfried have not demonstrated a single sign of such possession. To the best of my knowledge, demons are very rare, and in the Church's history, mostly absorbed with tormenting a single individual. So, to answer your question, I do not think a demon is involved."

I felt my heart sink. He had it all wrong. He had to, what else could explain all that was happening to me?

"Puberty is a very troubling time for kids," he continued. "I think especially for those who are Catholic and want to follow the rules. I am aware of certain behaviors from Doctor Phelps' son, things he chooses to not confess. I have given council to his father regarding this. But Merric comes to mass every Sunday. If he were possessed, or if he were a demon, that would not be possible. I think Merric's father might be able to help you if you allow him to. Telling him you are experiencing difficult decisions regarding how you identify yourself. I would listen to you as well if you like, although I can't do much beyond that. The Church does not recognize gays as being an acceptable way of life."

I think he was about to say more, but I spoke first as I stood up. "I'm not gay. I don't like being, uh, doing stuff. Maybe there isn't a demon, but something is making my life miserable. Thank you for listening to me." I turned and headed for the door.

"I wish you no harm, and you can come back if you want to try and convince me that I'm wrong. I'm far from infallible. And what we discussed will remain between you and me, although I do encourage you to talk about it with Doctor Phelps."

I paused at the door. I opened it, and then closed it again and turned around.

"I'm sorry for the outburst. But I'm not gay, and yet I have to do gay acts with other boys who also aren't gay. I don't know what else could cause that to happen. But the demon insists that I am gay, I just don't remember something. It said I brought it into the world, and that it is only doing what everyone wants. But I know that is a lie, something to get me to start thinking I really am gay. But I'm not, and I'll never believe that I am. I like girls." I slowed my words down, realizing I was speaking fast and loudly. "Thank you for trying to help."

"You are welcome. I hope this has a good outcome. Like I said, you may return if you like."

I nodded and left and found my way back outside.

That afternoon I let Wayne and Tom Byers fuck me. Jeff Miller didn't want to do it, but he did enjoy the blowjob I gave him while his friend drove his dick into my ass. I hated it, but if it kept the monster from visiting me, I was willing to take it.

September 10th: The Dream 2

I'd managed three nights without a visit, and for that alone I was thankful. Wayne came to my room each evening, although he only fucked me once. The other two nights were just for blowjobs.

It was nice to know that giving him what he wanted was keeping Merric, or the monster, or both, at bay. As I fell asleep on that thought, it occurred to me that the monster said he was only giving everyone what they wanted.

I was fishing, but not catching anything. I needed to pee, and nobody was around, so I unzipped and pulled my immature dick out and let loose. When done, I shook it twice and tried to close up. But with my fishing rod in my right hand, I caught the zipper on the skin of my dick. I cried out more in fear and surprise than pain.

Al Rigby lived a few doors down from me. He was a little more than a year older than me. He'd heard my scream and came over to the stream.

"No blood, that's always good," he proclaimed. "You're getting a cute little boner there."

I knew what a boner was, and that I had one. Three inches long, it fit snuggly in his fist. "I know a way to make the pain go away. A way that feels really good."

I was unsure, especially with my shorts around my ankles and my dick still in his hand. It felt good though. Another boy was holding my dick, and I liked it. I nodded my head. He let go of me and pushed his own pants down.

"Damn!" I gasped with astonishment. I was just learning when and how to swear so as to make me sound like the big kids. "Yours is huge. And there is hair growing down there."

Time froze as he pumped his fist up and down on his rod. I mimicked it, and god, it did feel good. Then white stuff shot out of his piss hole and landed in the stream. He called it cum. But I was still pumping my own little rod and nothing was coming out.

"Let it go for a second," he said as he knelt down in front of me. As good as it had felt in my hand, it felt a whole lot better when he took it into his mouth.

I didn't cum, but I did have a dry orgasm, the first I'd been aware of, and it felt tremendous.

"Don't worry," he said to me as he stood up. "You'll make cum in a year or two. But you need to forget all about this. Don't ever tell anyone what I did."

I woke up in a cold sweat, remembering the dream. Wait, that wasn't what had happened. Al Rigby never sucked me off. And if he had tried, I wouldn't have let him. I wasn't gay.

But it didn't matter. The monster had been right. And now I remembered it all.

March 18: Remembering

It had been fun, Al and I. My first dry cums in his mouth. His cum in my stomach. He and I exchanged blowjobs several times in the month following that day in the stream. But I was careless. I thought it would be easy. I told my best friend about it. Max Hobbes didn't want to do it with me. He said that Rigby was a pervert, and that I was too. He didn't want to be my friend anymore. And he said he was going to tell everyone at school that I was queer.

I went to where I always met Al. At the stream. It didn't seem to matter when I went, he was there. He asked why I was crying and I told him.

"I can fix it," he said. "I can make it so that it never happened. If you want."

"How can you do something like that?" I'd turned twelve, and I didn't believe in magic.

"You called to me, brought me here to serve you, to give you what you desired. That is my purpose. I gave you what you wanted. I can move you into a new world, one where you and I only had a single chance encounter. To take that away would cause me to go back to where I came from. But another of my kind will enter."

"What the hell are you talking about," I challenged. "You can't fix this, and tomorrow my life will be over. Yours too. Max already called you a pervert. What will happen when everyone knows you and I …"

"You can dismiss me, tell me to leave, and I would have to go now that you know I don't belong here," he stated. "But if you want for me to fix this there is always the chance that the other will know the truth. He, or she, there is no predicting which, will give you what you want. You, and those around you. That is our purpose. Only those who bring us forward can send us back. If you know what he is, you can always dismiss him."

None of this made any sense to me at all. I was a queer, a boy who liked other boys. One who experienced the pleasures of such love. I'd been comfortable with that when it was just Al Rigby and me. I trusted Hobbs, he was my best friend, not my lover. But he turned out to be very much opposed to boys like me. Our friendship, seven years in the making, ended the moment I told him I'd tasted the seed of another boy and liked it.

"I know you don't understand," Al said. "And I'm sorry. There are limits to what I can do. But I can erase the last six months. You will not remember me. And you won't miss what you never knew. But I don't think I can fix things between you and Max Hobbes. Do you want me to fix it?"

"How does it help me if you just leave?" I asked. "I would never forget you. I wouldn't want to forget you. But …" I had no idea what lay beyond that final word.

"I think it is for the best," Al said. "I have failed. Our kind always do. We don't understand limits. We do what those around us, those touched by us, desire. It never ends well unless the one who summoned us orders us back. And even now, if you were to do that, the damage is done. If you hadn't told Max, I could have made it better. But I've never met this boy. I've never touched his heart, his desires. He knows of me, many do. But the damage is done, there is no time to fix it. Good bye Carl Franklin. I sincerely hope this works."

And he was gone. A boy I knew, Max Hobbes, said that Al Rigby was a pervert and had moved away. And I no longer remembered I was gay.

September 10th: Casting Away the Monster

As my memories came rushing back to me, I called upon the one I wanted to dismiss.

"Merric Phelps, come to me," I said out loud from my bed. He appeared in an instant.

"You remember," he said.

"Yeah. Question. Are you Merric Phelps? Or is he just a persona?"

"He is real. Why I came to him is none of your business. Did you call me here for sex? Or would you rather do it with him? He would really enjoy that. In fact, since it is exactly what he desires, I'm going to make it happen."

I couldn't ignore that. "Not now," I said. It would not make me happy."

"That's a lie," the clone said.

"Okay, but first, I have some questions. If Merric is a real flesh and blood human, then somewhere out there is a real Al Rigby, the boy who freed my dick from my zipper months ago."

"I have heard the name, but I do not know the person. I heard he had moved away. But you don't want conversation. I sense you believe you are going to send me home."

"Does that frighten you? What is it like at this place you call home?"

"It is not unpleasant. But I have not completed my purpose."

"Which is to make me happy," I mused.

"No. You are not the one who called to me. Merric is. And I don't make him happy. I address his desires."

"But I can dismiss you," I contended.

"Not directly, no. Only Merric can do that. He is the one who brought me here. I answered your call because he wants to have sex with you. He enjoys having sway over other boys. He isn't even gay; it is making boys do things with him when they don't want to that feeds his need. I was about to bring him here until I sensed your purpose."

"But that is evil," I argued. Merric is an evil dude."

"There is no good nor evil. There are only desires. And my purpose is to fulfill his."

Now I was confused. I had thought I understood it all. But who was it I needed to dismiss if not this Merric clone? Who was it that was giving me what I wanted, even when I didn't know I wanted it?

The second Merric suddenly appeared. The real one I assumed. He did not seem to even be aware that his clone was there. He was naked and erect.

"Carl Franklin, what a dream," he said. "I really want to fuck you. Is that okay?"

"No," I said, but I could feel myself switching to a dream-like condition. We were no longer in my room, but his. Trapped in his dream, I was unable to fight back, the most I could do was beg him not to. And I did, knowing that was feeding his desire.

"I'll make a deal," I offered.

"No deals, I am going to fuck you whether or not you want me to. I heard you're gay, so why fight it? We both know you're going to enjoy this." He was approaching me. "Bend over the bed. If you ask me politely to do it, I'll be gentle and go slow."

"A deal you will like," I offered. "I won't try and stop you now, and tomorrow I will allow you to do it again. But after you cum in my ass today, I want you to order your clone to go home."

"My what? What kind of drugs are you on?"

"None. All you have to do is say, "Clone, go home." You do that and I will submit to your rule today and again tomorrow."

"Whatever," he said. "If it will make you happy. But you have to do your part and beg me to fuck you."

I didn't hesitate. "Merric, please, I really want to feel your dick in my ass. Please give me what I want."

"That isn't fair," his clone said. It was obvious only I heard it because the real Merric had my torso on the end of his mattress and had begun greasing up my hole.

I ignored the clone. Merric had promised to go slow, but his desire was to force his way into me, and he did it. It hurt, and I moaned in pain. It only drove him to go faster and harder. He was rough, and rested his top half on me as used his legs to drive in and out until he shot.

"Say it, or I won't be back tomorrow," I said as he pulled out.

"You really are weird, but you have a nice, tight hole and I liked that," he snickered. "Okay. Clone, go home."

The false Merric gave me one look of incredible sadness, and then in the blink of an eye it was gone. The dream state faded. I had control over my body again. But now I had a problem. I'd arrived here in a dream without clothing.

"I did what you want, now you have to come back tomorrow and we'll do this again," the real Merric said. "Leave your clothes at the front door before you ring the bell, just like you did today."

A solution. Reality had been changed to accommodate my sudden appearance. Merric believed I'd come to his house and stripped naked at his door. I left, and found shorts and a shirt of mine on his front step. The sun was already high in the sky. I'd left my bed naked in the twilight before dawn and now it was nearly noon.

I hurried home. I'd learned something at the Phelps' house. Merric was completely unaware of his clone. I knew I had one, but now I knew I couldn't see it. But that didn't mean I couldn't command it.

Wayne was there, along with his friend Tom Byers. But not Jeff Miller.

"It's about time you got back," Wayne muttered. "We've been waiting here for almost an hour. You promised us. This time I'm going to fuck you while you suck on Tom's dick."

The problem with remembering was that I now knew I did want this. But wanting it was different than allowing it. My clone was changing Wayne into a sexual being. It probably didn't make as much of a difference to his friend, who I was starting to realize was as gay as me. I had an idea. But first, I was going to give in to my desire.

For the second time in an hour I had a dick in my ass. Wayne hadn't commented on the fact that it was already greased. I wondered if he didn't notice or didn't care. If things worked out the way I wanted them to, he would never remember doing this, and he probably would never do it again.

But for now, I concentrated on Tom. Licking, sucking, doing everything I could to make him experience a first-class blowjob. This might not be the last time he and I would be together; the jury was still out on that.

I wanted to make them both shoot at the same time, but I failed. I was too good with Tom, and he filled my mouth with thin, tasteless cum. Wayne unloaded into me about two minutes later.

They were both happy and satisfied, and when I asked them to leave, they did. Once alone, I wondered if I even needed to talk. As an experiment, I made myself desire to see my clone.

The experiment worked. I was there. It didn't look like a mirror image, and for the first time ever I saw myself as others saw me.

"Why did you sometimes pretend to be Merric when you visited me?" I'd only just made that realization. It was the only thing that fit my memories.

"Merric knew two things about you," my clone said. "You are gay, and you don't like bullies or those who try to control you."

"Until recently, I'd never met that boy. He couldn't know those things."

"But your friend Kyle did. And once Merric knew, he desired you. Achieving his desires worked in concert with yours, so I cooperated and helped make it happen. But Merric's companion said too much, and now you remember what your first companion made you forget."

I sighed, but at last I understood. "I want Merric Phelps to forget the deal we made today. And I want my brother to forget that he ever had sex with me. Make him believe it was a dream. Then I want you to go home."

That same look of sadness crossed my clone's face. It didn't speak, but after just a second or two it vanished. I wasn't proud, but I knew I'd done what I needed to. Not bothering to dress, I went across the hall and into the bathroom. I took a hot shower, long enough to use most of the hot water from the tank.

Wayne and Tom were in my room when I returned.

"Tom told me what you two were doing together," my brother confided. "Would you ever let me do something like that?"

He'd forgotten that he had. That part of my plan had worked. "We're brothers, and that would always be something that would stand between us. You are not gay, I am. You know that."

He nodded. "But it isn't fair. Tom said you give really good blowjobs. I've never had one."

"Maybe Tom will give you one, but I won't," I said softly. "Not because I don't want to, I do, but because we are brothers and I respect you."

"Don't you respect Tom?" he pleaded, signifying how much he wanted a blowjob. My clone had done as I ordered and made him forget. But his desire was still there.

"I think I get it," Tom offered. "I'm gay. You aren't. You just want a blowjob, I get that. I'll give you one. Just one, because I want us to remain friends. And only if your brother promises to do what he did to me again."

"Are you okay with that?" I asked.

Wayne nodded, but his body language said otherwise.

"Would you be willing to give another boy a blowjob if you thought you might get one in return?"

"With you?" he requested.

"No. Never with me. But I know other boys who play a game. If you lose, you give a blowjob. But if you win, you get one. I can get you inside, but only if you are willing to do what is required should you lose."

"And I'll give you more if you'll give me the same," Tom offered.

"Will doing that make me gay?"

Tom and I both chuckled. "There is no chance of that," I promised. "You either are or you are not. You don't change by doing stuff. If you think it is disgusting, you won't enjoy doing it. But it will not make you gay." Words of truth, but now I knew that thoughts and memories could be revised.

"But," Tom inserted, "You need to be careful who you do it with. You know that I will never tell anyone. You kept my secret; you only told your brother because you trusted him too. But I don't know about this game."

"I don't think many people know about it, but I can't promise they won't tell," I stated. "One of the boys is as straight as Wayne, but I think another might be gay. I'm not sure. But I have played and lost. They're good guys, but if you lose, they will expect you to pay. "

I looked my brother directly in the eyes. "You and I will not ever do anything sexual together. I'll answer questions, help you understand anything you don't know, but I will not suck your dick."

The Future: Epilog

I told Dr. Phelps that I was gay and that I now accepted it. He recommended I tell my parents, but so far I haven't, though I'm pretty sure my mom knows. Anyway, the wet dreams stopped and it was no longer necessary for me to see him.

I'm seventeen now, in my last year of high school. I don't have a dance partner. Tom came out to his parents last year, and shortly after that they moved away. He had told them about him and me, and they thought it would be best if they moved him away from the boy who had 'changed' their only son.

I'm sure there has to be at least one other gay kid in my school, but just as no other students know I'm gay, I don't know that any of them are. So sexually, it is now just me and my right hand. Thanks for teaching me that Al Rigby. I never did search for him. I was afraid I'd meet my clone again.

Wayne and Tom did it once. It was my brother who told me about it. He had returned his friend's gift, but hated it the whole time and admitted it probably wasn't worth it for Tom. He also played the card game twice. He got a blowjob from Glen Perez, but had to give one to Daniel King. I wondered if the King boy had a clone that made sure he won far more often than he lost.

My brother has a girlfriend now. I asked, mostly in jest, if he was hoping she'd blow him, but his answer pleasantly surprised me.

"No way. You taught me about respect and how you didn't want anything like that to come between us. I feel that way about Karla. When we're older, if we're still together, that may come up. But for now we're damn good friends and I plan to keep it that way."

I think I understand the dark side of desire now. How it can give you what you desire but at the same time cause destruction all around you. I'm careful now to always keep what I want inside me. Perhaps that's why I'm not attached. I'm not alone, I have friends and my brother. We have fun, play games, tell jokes. But only Wayne knows my secret, and he has kept it now four years running. I know that someday I will meet someone like Tom. With a little luck, it could even be him, just a few years older. I know how I could make it happen. Something that would address my wants and desires. But I will never again give into that.

We support Ukraine — Мы поддерживаем Украину — Ми підтримуємо Україну

We support Ukraine — Мы поддерживаем Украину — Ми підтримуємо Україну

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