Strong Enough
by Nico Grey
XIII
Returning to the cafeteria felt extremely awkward to Caleb. He hadn't eaten lunch there in three days. A lot had happened since then. Gossip on the student grapevine had been supercharged; much of it about him.
He couldn't bring himself to make eye contact with anyone until he joined Tyler and Abby at their table. He sat in the middle of almost two hundred of his peers. He suspected that the majority of them had already seen his naked bottom peddling furiously to escape Jenny Klug's determined grasp. And he feared that many of them had seen a more recent version of that same bottom— and more— kneeling in front of Benjer Frye.
He was determined to endure their stares without flinching. So far, he had been partially successful. At least he endured.
Abby and Tyler offered him a low-key greeting. Abby reached out quietly to grasp his hand. He was surprised when Tyler mimicked the gesture.
Gradually, the buzz in the cafeteria resumed. Despite the distraction, Caleb was aware that the eyes around them kept returning to his table. And to him.
"Benjer isn't at Sandy's table today," Tyler contributed quietly.
Caleb cut his eyes in that direction. Lexxi and her crew were engaged in a furious discussion that involved frequent glances in his direction, but there was no sign of Benjer or his cronies.
"Maybe they decided to suspend him?" Caleb speculated. But it felt wrong. The tone in the conference room that morning, as the meeting concluded, smelled strongly of cover-up. There had been no sign that the school was preparing to convene another disciplinary meeting.
"I imagine his father is protecting him," Abby observed. "Benjer is a hothead. And he's an idiot. They're probably keeping him away from you to prevent him from doing something stupid again."
That made sense.
"Have you talked to your father?" Caleb asked.
"Not yet," Abby shook her head. "But I think I know how these assholes think."
Caleb hesitated. He thought that he owed Abby more. But he also had some obligation to her father. He wasn't certain how to proceed.
"Please don't repeat this to anyone," he pleaded. "Especially not to your father. This is really his business."
That piqued Abby's curiosity! She nodded hurriedly to encourage Caleb to get to the good stuff.
"At the end of the meeting," Caleb held her gaze deliberately to reinforce the importance of the confidence, "he confronted Callahan and Benjer's father. He found out what he needed to know."
Abby squealed and started bouncing in her seat.
"Are they going to prison?" she demanded.
"Shhh, Abby!" Caleb tried to cover her mouth. "This is very confidential!"
He waited for her to calm down.
"He found out what happened, okay? He told me that he still needs to figure out what to do about it. There's some problem with a statute of limitations that he has to work out."
"So they might not go to jail?" Abby was stunned.
"I don't know. But there will be justice. I saw the way your father looked," Caleb reflected. "That's what he told them. Statutes of limitations run out, but justice never rests."
And that, at least, seemed to satisfy her.
The next distraction came from an unexpected direction.
Caleb and his friends had continued to watch Lexxi's table out of the corner of their eyes. They didn't even notice Evander Cross until he was looming over their table.
It was a peculiar confrontation. Van swept Caleb with a contemptuous gaze. But his anger was directed at Abby. He fixed her with a fierce glare.
"I guess you got played! Three months drooling after this. . ." he sneered. "Instead of dating a real guy, you've just been this pussy's beard."
Abby didn't tolerate abuse from anyone. But she was also confused. Van's bizarre complaint and the crazed look in his eyes gave her pause. Had he lost his mind?
" You've got no excuse now," Van snarled. "Everybody knows about him, but you're still here with this, this. . . gay whore!" He tone was bitter as he spit out the accusation.
" I guess you're not the decent girl I thought you were! You weren't worth all the time and effort I put into showing you what kind of fraud this. . . thing. . . is!"
Van stomped away from the table, leaving three very perplexed friends in his wake.
"Is that what this has been all about?" Tyler followed Van with his eyes and cocked his head quizzically. "I was starting to think he was interested in you, Caleb."
"He had a strange way of showing it," Abby snorted. "A strange way of showing that he was interested in me, too." She shivered uncomfortably, like she felt a need to wash herself.
Caleb was watching the rest of the room. He didn't feel comfortable with all the eager attention focused on him and his friends. But Abby was still thinking about what Van had said.
"What did he mean about time and effort to show me what you are?" she asked Caleb.
The final three periods of the day passed uncomfortably for Caleb. His art teacher liked him and appreciated his talent. She was supportive. The students in class didn't bother him. But they also kept their distance.
Their English teacher kept a watchful eye on Caleb, Tyler, and Abby. Abby was still inclined to wonder about Van's outburst. But the teacher suppressed any attempt to discuss those concerns. She didn't appear to appreciate the controversy that Caleb's past invited into her classroom.
The most challenging period of afternoon schedule was far less stressful than anticipated. When the coach took roll call at the start of the period, he never even mentioned Benjer Frye. Benjer wasn't in class. His three associates kept a low profile. And the period that Caleb had been dreading actually proved unexpectedly quiet.
Tyler was waiting for Caleb when he stepped out of the shower, but no one paid either of them any attention.
"Am I supposed to go home with you?" Caleb couldn't recall making that arrangement.
Tyler grinned.
"I just wanted to make sure you didn't have any trouble. The view is just a fringe benefit."
Caleb blushed. But on reflection, he saw no reason to deprive Tyler of his benefits.
Friday night dinner was awkward for Caleb. His mother needed to be updated thoroughly on his week at school. No detail was too small. No imagined concern was irrelevant. Nicole insisted that Caleb share everything that could possibly have an impact on his safety and his emotional well-being.
The one surprising benefit from this interrogation was his mother's sensitivity about his feelings. He had been dreading the moment that she felt like teasing him about the video Tyler had made of the locker room confrontation with Benjer. In Caleb's mind, it would just be perfect fodder for his mother's efforts to help him develop a thicker skin and for her twisted sense of humor. Fortunately, Nicole recognized that any comments about that encounter would be too uncomfortable for her son.
But it was still a difficult dinner conversation. Caleb was ashamed of the light that circumstances cast him in. And he was embarrassed that he needed his mother's support to help deal with his problems.
It was a huge relief when Nicole declared herself satisfied with the results of her interrogation and turned him loose to enjoy his weekend in peace.
It felt like a betrayal when Nicole invited Tyler to join her for coffee and Danish when he arrived at the Bradford residence at quarter-to-nine Saturday morning. She was sensitive enough to suggest that Caleb might want to double-check the backpack he had prepared for his overnight at Tyler's house. He was too suspicious to leave her alone with Tyler.
Caleb knew better than to protest while his mother interrogated Tyler. She didn't ask anything that she hadn't already asked Caleb. But it was still embarrassing to hear details of his public shaming dissected by his mother and his boyfriend.
In a sense, Caleb was glad that he had remained for the conversation. His mother had been sensitive to his feelings during their conversation at dinner the previous night. And while there was no indication that she would have been any less sensitive had she grilled Tyler in his absence, Caleb thought that by being there he was able to limit his mother's tendency toward irreverence about him and his feelings.
"That was extremely awkward," he complained to Tyler as they skied off into the forest. "Every time she opened her mouth, I was prepared to have an aneurysm."
Tyler just giggled. He had also found it awkward, he admitted. But it would have been much worse had he been in Caleb's shoes.
The skiing and views were spectacular. There was still heavy snow cover from a late January blizzard that had buried half the country. But almost two weeks had allowed the snow to settle and become more skiable, even where little work had been done on the trails.
Being alone in the wilderness, testing their bodies against nature, was so physically energizing and emotionally relaxing that Caleb found himself wishing that he and Tyler could spend every day skiing. It had certainly taken his mind off of what would be waiting for him Monday morning.
It had also taken his mind off of what would be waiting at home for him and Tyler when they returned for lunch. Which was. . .fortunately, beef bourguignon simmering in the slow cooker.
His mother had gone all out for him and Tyler after they skied away. And now she was out. Doing the weekly shopping, apparently.
Caleb loved his mother. He knew that she cared about him and loved him, too. The beef bourguignon was but one small example. But the most thoughtful thing she had done for him was giving him and Tyler space to be themselves without further interrogation over lunch. He made a note to thank her for that. . .but not until the end of the weekend.
Tyler never discussed a plan. But when they finished lunch and got back on skis, Caleb noticed that Tyler chose paths headed toward the northeast. They would need to ski in that direction to arrive at Tyler's home before the end of the day. But they had started in that direction early. And Abby's home also lay in the same direction.
Caleb hadn't really thought about visiting Abby. It had become a regular part of their Saturday routine. But as he considered the possibility, he felt more uncomfortable with the idea than he had felt in weeks.
"I'm not really sure," he explained to Tyler, "but I think I'm feeling a little weird about this after what happened with Benjer. I know that Abby has seen me naked. I'm pretty sure she's already seen the video of me getting busted, too," he cringed. "But it's kind of strange thinking that she might see me naked now after watching me on my knees with Benjer's dick in my face."
Tyler sympathized. It really wasn't an image of himself that any fifteen-year-old boy would choose to share with the world.
"Kneeling there like that was cringe enough," Caleb explained, "but then I started barking at him like a crazed Doberman! Each time I see that video, I keep expecting me to lift my leg and start peeing on one of Benjer's goons!"
It took several seconds for Tyler to recover.
"I wish you had!" he choked. "They would have deserved it!"
Tyler was thoughtful. Nothing more was said. He kept leading Caleb along trails leading toward the northeast. But he appeared lost in his own considerations.
Tyler evaluated Caleb carefully before he knocked on Abby's door. He didn't use words, but he assured Caleb that nothing would go farther than Caleb could tolerate. He'd ensure Abby's good behavior.
"I'm really looking forward to taking a bath with you," he admitted.
Abby's greeting was surprisingly subdued. She seemed to be aware that her boys needed more careful handling than usual. The stress they had been through during the week wasn't lost on her.
She didn't comment, but she was delighted when Tyler led Caleb straight up the stairs and to her bathroom. She gave them space while she prepared for their therapy session in the bedroom.
Caleb was surprised that Abby hadn't disturbed them. He and Tyler had spent more than a half hour in the bath, then drying each other off. He was torn between a fond sense of nostalgia and a genuine sense of disappointment when Tyler pulled his pink briefs up his legs.
He was also anxious. Those briefs being tugged up into place signaled that it was show time. The doctor was waiting for them.
Tyler emerged from Abby's bathroom first. He encouraged Caleb to follow him.
Abby watched curiously as both boys exchanged uncertain glances. Caleb eyed Abby's bed reluctantly.
She was surprised when Tyler moved first. With a concerned glance in Caleb's direction, he strode purposefully to the bed. He turned and locked gazes with Caleb. He slid the pink briefs down his legs and climbed onto the bed.
When Abby reached for the briefs, Tyler clutched them more tightly in his hand and slipped them under his chest. She lifted her shoulder slightly, flexed her fingers, and set to work.
Caleb couldn't conceal his excitement. He watched Abby's fingers explore territory that was starting to become familiar to him. He was conflicted between jealousy over Abby's privileged fingers and satisfaction that Tyler was able to take one more step toward becoming fully confident in who he was.
Abby took the scenic route. It was her first time visiting some of the sights. She was determined to enjoy the adventure.
Tyler kept his eyes fixed on Caleb while Abby worked. His expression conveyed encouragement and offered assurances that everything would be alright. Caleb fell gradually under his spell.
He almost lost his self-control when Abby turned Tyler over. Surprisingly, Tyler didn't. Caleb wondered that Tyler was able to control himself while Abby was working on him so intimately. He hadn't been able to during his last session with the doctor.
Abby finished Tyler's session with an intense flourish of activity on his lower abdominals. It wasn't very professional, but after she finished she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek.
"You know you're beautiful, don't you?" Abby stroked the opposite side of his face with a free hand.
Tyler blushed. But as he got up from the bed, he handed Abby his briefs.
Caleb knew that he was about to embarrass himself, but he slipped off his briefs and handed them to Abby before he lay down on her bed. It took him a moment to make himself comfortable.
Abby worked her usual routine with him, starting with his feet before gradually working her way up his legs. Caleb let Abby's fingers work their magic, massaging fatigue and discomfort from tired muscles. He wasn't disturbed, even when she began working near sensitive body parts. He was too busy watching Tyler.
He didn't protest when Abby rolled him over, despite his condition. As Abby fingers approached, he barely noticed. She barely noticed. They were both watching Tyler.
After almost two months together, Caleb was used to seeing Tyler in little clothing. They had even spent a fair amount of time together without any clothing. But watching Tyler standing calmly, leaning against Abby's closet door, completely at ease, was affecting Caleb deeply.
The time that his eyes had to explore the complete nonchalance and the openness of Tyler's posture, bespoke a familiarity and depth of connection that suggested something much more permanent than childish fumbling with new experiences and sensations. It felt like more than a possibility to Caleb that he had already found the most important part of the rest of his life.
The strength of the connection he was feeling spoke to Caleb. Impulsively, he gestured Tyler closer to him.
Tyler appeared more self-conscious as he came closer to Abby. Caleb didn't observe the reaction. When Tyler stopped next to him, he leaned over and kissed Tyler.
Tyler reacted too fast for Caleb's eyes to follow. In fact, it almost put Caleb's eye out!
All three of them were startled. But Abby's shriek in his ear startled Caleb the most.
"Oh my god!" she gasped. "Do you guys do that?"
Caleb was mortified.
"No!" he insisted.
Tyler recovered quickly.
"But maybe tonight," he reflected.
Caleb's action had initiated the moment, but it took him the longest to recover.
"I'm so sorry!" he apologized to Tyler. "I know I promised that I would never do anything until you told me that you were ready. But I was watching you. And thinking how much I love you. I guess I just lost my mind."
"I really didn't mind," Tyler decided. "Maybe it was a little embarrassing. And hard on the ears," he glanced sternly at Abby. "But all things considered, I'm glad you did. Knowing I can make you lose your mind is another boost for my ego."
"The thing is," Caleb sat up and pulled Tyler down to sit next to him, "It was really selfish of me. I'm glad it made you feel good about yourself. But you shouldn't ever have to doubt that. You're amazing. I love you. I shouldn't ever have to embarrass you, or violate your trust, to remind you of that.
"Until we know each other so well that I'm absolutely sure of what you're thinking, I should always talk to you instead of acting impulsively. Really loving you means that what you need should always matter more than what I want. That's important to make you feel safe."
Abby let the boys have their moment. In a way she couldn't define, it really struck a chord with her. It confirmed her decision to help pave the way for Caleb and Tyler, rather than hope that someday she would be the person Tyler might choose.
But being Abby, she wasn't one to simply sit back and appreciate what she had accomplished.
"Why wait for tonight?" she suggested. "You're both here. We have a bed. You're both. . . in the mood," she gestured.
"Abby!" Caleb growled.
He was surprised when Tyler looked reflective again.
"Well, we have all afternoon," Abby smirked. "Get comfortable. It's been a busy week. We have a lot to talk about. And maybe something will come up again. . ."
Caleb glared at her. But Abby wasn't intimidated. He decided to try another tack.
"Are you going to join us, Abs?" Belatedly, he realized that he might have just taken a huge risk.
"Would either of you enjoy that half as much as I'm enjoying watching you?" she chortled.
"I'd enjoy it," Tyler shrugged.
Caleb nodded agreement.
"You're going to have to do better than that to convince me!" Abby declared. "Besides, I think, at least for today, that it should be about the two of you. You're together. You're growing even closer. It wouldn't be right for me to intrude on what you have.
"We'll talk. You'll get hornier. Maybe I'll get to watch you two take another step."
Caleb was concerned that Abby was enjoying herself entirely too much. But a glance at Tyler assured him that his friend didn't appear to mind.
"That was another weird experience!" Caleb shook his head in disbelief as he and Tyler left the West residence.
"She certainly had too good a time," Tyler agreed. "Although at first it was almost fun."
Caleb laughed. "Should I have left the two of you alone?"
"God no!" Tyler shivered. "That would have been terrifying! But I actually liked being there with you, despite the weirdness," he explained shyly.
Caleb nodded thoughtfully. "I feel like I'm strong enough to survive anything when we're together. Even Abby playing relationship counselor for her gay friend."
"She may need to work on her counseling skills," Tyler reflected. "Sometimes her enthusiasm made things awkward. Like the way she kept calling attention to us when we got excited! That only made it worse!"
Caleb groaned his agreement.
"I think it got more of a workout than the rest of my body got skiing today."
"You could go back for a massage," Tyler suggested.
"Please, no!" Caleb begged. "Maybe tonight?"
He really didn't want to break any promises he had made to Tyler. But he hoped that a subtle hint wouldn't actually count as a broken promise.
"Maybe not," Tyler admonished. "I might have something else in mind for tonight."
Caleb wanted to know more. But he trusted Tyler. As they skied toward Antioch and Tyler's home, he was feeling very hopeful.
It was an unfamiliar experience for Caleb; or at least it had become unfamiliar again during the past year.
He and Tyler were in Tyler's room, engaged in what Caleb had come to think of as martial arts foreplay. Tyler was guiding him through a number of different jiu-jitsu techniques that featured sensuous moves and countermoves, as much as any authentic grappling.
When he heard his phone ring for the third time that evening, he was tempted to ignore it as he had when it rang on the previous two occasions. The first two calls from numbers Caleb didn't recognize had established a mindset.
If Abby needed to reach him, she knew that he was at Tyler's house. The same was true of his mother. In any event, Nicole and Grace spoke often on the telephone anyway. He couldn't think of anyone else that had his number. It had to be a misdial.
Persistence overcame his resolve. Or perhaps it was curiosity. Caleb waited for the phone to stop ringing. But he decided to check to see if he had any messages.
He had five messages waiting for him. He didn't recognize any of the four different numbers or the names associated with them. But the messages triggered a familiar fear and revulsion.
There's really no polite way to tell a person that you hate their faggot guts and want them to move far, far away. So of course none of the messages were polite.
Three of the messages came from numbers that appeared to originate from a local calling area. Caleb was fairly certain that the unfamiliar names associated with those numbers were probably students at Silver River. They were typical fond wishes that his queer ass go contaminate the water supply in some other part of the world.
One of the callers had left two messages. Caleb was pretty sure that number would prove difficult to trace. The messages included attached videos. Two very familiar videos. The lengthy wishes contained in the text encouraged him to contract an incurable disease, before they became completely offensive. One of them also included a reference to Abby West. To Caleb, that felt like it might prove useful if he ever tried to identify the caller.
Caleb had been looking forward to a relaxed evening of martial arts foreplay with Tyler and perhaps something more. His text messages were a real mood killer. Some of the local reaction to revelations about his history had been hostile. But it hadn't gone beyond the school. Now, somehow or other, his detractors had discovered how to reach out and touch him when school wasn't in session.
In the course of a few minutes, Caleb felt like he had travelled back in time and was reliving the aftermath of his failed eighth grade adventure in meeting guys. He had already been through that experience once before. It didn't end well.
There was no hiding anything from Tyler. Caleb's mood change was too abrupt and too pronounced. He handed his phone over to Tyler while he considered his options.
Tyler's reaction, when he had finished reviewing Caleb's phone messages, only strengthened Caleb's resolve.
Tyler obviously had to be protected from the backlash Caleb was about to face from the Silver River community. The situation in Keene had been devastating for Caleb and would have destroyed anyone that remained close to him. Tyler had already suffered enough at the hands of his peers without being dragged through Caleb's scandals.
That Tyler was so clearly determined to support Caleb openly only added to Caleb's determination to protect his friend.
"This is all my mess," he informed Tyler. "You shouldn't have to pay the price for my mistakes."
"That's not fair. I'll decide for myself," Tyler insisted. "What these jerks are doing isn't fair, either. You were being used and it made you look like someone that you aren't. If people here try to do the same thing to you, I won't abandon you."
"Tyler," Caleb tried to be reasonable, "they won't care about what's fair. They'll tear me apart. Then they'll do the same to you if you stick with me. What comes next will be worse than what Lexxi and her friends did to you. Because I'm gay, it will be a lot worse. They'll think they have god on their side, or some nonsense like that."
Tyler refused to be persuaded. He had spent three years discovering that his identity and self-worth didn't rely on the opinions of his peers. With Caleb and Abby's support, he now had a much more positive sense of himself and greater strength to resist the ridicule and even hatred of his peers.
In short, he really didn't care anymore what they thought about him. He knew who he was. He was valued by people whose opinions he valued. The opinions of the rest of the world weren't worth caring about if they despised people so unjustly.
Caleb wasn't entirely certain how it happened, but while they debated, he had somehow ended up in Tyler's arms, lying in Tyler's bed. Their underwear was still lying in the middle of the bedroom floor.
"Uh, Caleb?" Tyler pointed out, "we probably shouldn't leave them lying there in case my mother comes in."
Dutifully, Caleb got up and retrieved their briefs. He understood that it was a game. But he had started it.
"Maybe you can toss yours back," Tyler suggested. "I guess my mother wouldn't be shocked to discover you sleeping naked."
Caleb cocked an eyebrow. Tyler nodded.
"On second thought, I think maybe it would be better if both pair were in bed with us," Tyler decided.
He raised the comforter to let Caleb out of bed again.
"Hang on," Tyler ordered, before Caleb could climb back into the bed. "Wait right there. I need to ask you something."
"I won't abandon you," Tyler assured him.
Caleb raised a wry eyebrow. But he recognized that Tyler was resuming their earlier conversation.
"At school," Tyler explained. "You've been my friend for months. You stood with me when Sandy was being nasty to me. I'm not going to abandon you now.
"Abby suggested something last weekend. Of course we both laughed at her. But I've been thinking about it ever since."
"Uh, I'm getting a bit chilly like this," Caleb complained. "Could we think about it together? Under there," he indicated the comforter.
"Patience. I'll warm you up in a minute." Tyler promised. "But first," he took a deep breath and looked directly at Caleb, "will you please be my date for the Valentine's Day dance on Friday?"
That actually warmed Caleb up instantly.
"Are you sure, Tyler?" It never even occurred to Caleb to consider whether he really wanted to go to a dance. "They're going to be awfully tough on you."
"I'm strong enough to take it," Tyler assured him.
"If I say 'yes', will you let me in the bed?" Caleb pleaded.
Tyler chuckled.
"In a minute. I really like this. . ." Tyler searched his memory, "What was your word? Ogling?"
"It's only ogling if your eyes are doing what your hands want to do," Caleb teased back.
Tyler raised the comforter.
"I guess my eyes are satisfied," he decided. "Now it's my hands' turn."
Caleb slipped under the comforter, then rolled across the bed and into Tyler's arms.
"Would you mind if we don't do anything tonight?" he asked. "I mean, I don't mind at all if you do want to try something. But it feels like we've already taken a huge step tonight. I don't know how sex could make it any better."
"Okay," Tyler's expression was thoughtful. "But this is still a special occasion. We can't ignore that."
"Of course," Caleb acknowledged. "And yes. Of course I'll go to the dance with you."
That pretty much went without saying.
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