INTP
by Nico Grey
Part 5
Josiah spent much of the morning wondering about Ian. What Jodi had told him just didn't seem right. He understood that Ian was a bit different from other kids. He had some problems. But they seemed like problems that other people were making for him.
Ian was also very smart. According to Mr. Fisher, he was an outstanding soccer player. And he had been a good friend to Josiah so far. He was quickly becoming the friend that Josiah once longed to have. It felt devastating to have that gift ripped away from him just as soon as it started to matter to him again.
Mr. Fisher seemed a bit distracted in class that morning. Josiah interpreted that to mean that Ian was absent from school again, so when he exited the serving line, he was surprised and mostly pleased to notice a head of dark red hair at their usual lunch table.
Josiah wasn't sure what to say. It felt good to find his friend waiting for him. But Ian wasn't acting like he usually did. He seemed withdrawn and was difficult to draw into conversation. Josiah tried. Jake tried. Several of the other freshman boys attempted to include Ian in their conversation.
Ian responded to the conversational sallies, but with brief answers before bowing his head back down to his lunch tray to continue eating. Meatloaf. Josiah was puzzled. Ian was more interested in lunch than being part of the conversation? And it wasn't even real food!
Josiah was happy to have Ian back with him for his Chemistry class and their study hall. But it felt almost like Ian was sleepwalking through the afternoon. He responded to all of Josiah's attempts at conversation, but it felt like it cost him a lot of effort to do so. At times it felt to Josiah like he was imposing on his friend.
In Psychology class Ms. Porter had the results of their MBTI assessments waiting for her students, but she made them wait. She still had topics from the previous class to cover and didn't have time to get into a conversation about the MBTI. In the final minutes of class she walked around the room distributing the results packet to each student, with a promise that they would be the subject of discussion in class on Thursday and Friday. She encouraged the class to look at their result without reading too much into it before the class discussion.
Josiah was eager to see the result of his evaluation. But he noticed that Ian had stuck his packet into a notebook without giving it any attention. That disappointed Josiah for some reason. He had been eager to share his assessment with Ian. So instead, he also slipped his packet into his backpack, figuring he would check it on his bus ride home.
In homeroom that afternoon he noticed that an envelope with his name on it had been stashed inside his desk. He tore it open carelessly and found a brief note inside: "Can we go running together this evening?"
There was no signature. But that wasn't really necessary. The only thing that puzzled Josiah about the request was that Ian hadn't said anything to him during lunch or the three classes they shared during the afternoon.
Josiah stopped at Ian's house during his afternoon circuit. Ian was waiting for him. There wasn't any conversation. Ian had been warming up and just slipped in alongside Josiah as they jogged along Route 42 toward East Grange.
Thirty minutes later they were back at Ian's home. Josiah had determined to stop and spend a few minutes with his friend, but Ian waved him on with a distracted smile and a promise to see Josiah at lunch the next day, as he kept running through the front door of the house.
Josiah tried to figure out what had happened. Ian had maintained their usual pace during the run. He had responded briefly to any comments Josiah made. But he hadn't initiated any conversation and seemed eager to be alone as soon as he was home. There wasn't anything disturbing about Ian's behavior. He just wasn't himself.
Jodi was waiting in homeroom for Josiah again the next morning. He found that he was already starting to look forward to seeing her there every day. Her fragrance was the same. He thought that she looked even better than she had the previous day.
Josiah still struggled with the conversation. But Jodi anticipated his difficulties and kept the discussion flowing effortlessly. He was delighted that she was showing so much interest in him. It was really disappointing, he thought, that the only class they shared was Social Studies during the second period. He was trying to find a way to invite her to eat lunch with him when he remembered that she might not want to spend time with Ian. And Josiah would have felt awful abandoning his new friend. He was almost resentful when Mr. Gilchrist called the group to order for attendance and morning announcements.
Josiah was a little more tuned in than usual to what was going on around him, so he actually felt a mood shift in the room as the morning announcements started over the intercom system. There was almost an atmosphere of anticipation. It felt like it extended well beyond their single classroom.
Josiah tried to figure out what was happening around him as an A/V club student stumbled through a lengthy list of announcements. Josiah was rather surprised to discover that the boy's basketball team was playing that night, hoping to win their sixth game in a row. He was even more surprised to discover that the Pep Club would be holding a bake sale that weekend.... or that the school even had a Pep Club.
The A/V club geek closed announcements with what was an occasional 'Lost and Found' feature. During the winter months, it seemed that there were always more items being lost or found.
"Finally," the announcer mumbled, "Lost. Desperately searching for my first pubic hair. Please contact Ian Corse if you find it. I'm so lonely." The announcer geek finally realized in disbelief what he had been reading and stumbled to a close. "Mr. Harding! I'm sorry. I was just reading what it says here on the card… " He obviously wasn't aware that his microphone was still live.
Around Josiah, his homeroom erupted in hysterical laughter, almost like pressure suddenly being released from a steam engine. He felt his heart sink into his stomach. He had expected that Ian would be in school, but now he was praying that he wasn't.
Josiah was startled from his reflections by a textbook being slammed forcefully onto a desk at the front of the room. He could almost feel the impact at his seat in the back of the room.
"Silence!" Mr. Gilchrist roared. He was glaring around the room fiercely.
Josiah was amazed. Mr. Gilchrist wasn't one of the really cool teachers, but he was young and had always seemed rather easygoing. Now he looked like he was considering capital punishment. Maybe serial capital punishment.
"If I hear even a sound for any one of you, you'll be spending a month after school with me!" The bellow was almost deafening. Mr. Gilchrist's glare continued to sweep back-and-forth across the classroom until every student was completely cowed.
"Now silence. Not a sound from any of you until the bell rings." He continued to stare the class down.
Josiah was almost impressed. Watching a teacher lose his mind was scary, even if it was in a good cause. He wondered if Mr. Gilchrist was upset on general principle or if, like Mr. Fisher, he also thought highly of Ian. Maybe both, he decided.
Josiah continued to observe quietly. He hoped that his tense breathing wasn't loud enough to attract Mr. Gilchrist's attention.
It was only after a minute or two that Josiah thought to check Jodi's reaction to her cousin's public humiliation. He hoped that she would by sympathetic. But under Mr. Gilchrist's glare, Jodi was sitting as quietly as anyone in the room. He couldn't see evidence of any emotion at all on her face.
Once the bell released students to go to their first class — and everyone in his homeroom was safely out of the room and in the school corridors — pandemonium erupted around Josiah. He tried not to pay any attention. He was feeling terrible for Ian and was outraged that anyone was at all amused by, let alone enjoying, his humiliation. He thought about trying to find him and make sure he was okay, but realized that he didn't even know where Ian would be going for his first class.
In Geometry class, he tuned out everything going on around him. Fortunately, he wasn't called on during the lesson. He might not even have noticed the teacher speaking to him.
He didn't get a chance to check in with Jodi during their Social Studies class. The school administration had called an emergency school-wide assembly during the second period to discuss "The Announcements Incident" and bullying in the school. It was fair to say that Assistant Principal Harding was foaming at the mouth, and the principal was absolutely wroth that any of his charges could have treated one of their fellow students with such cruelty.
Josiah scanned the auditorium to see if Ian was anywhere in sight. But the only red hair he noticed belonged to Jodi. She appeared to be following the administrative tirade with rapt attention.
The assembly was a proper chastisement of both wrong-doers and those insensitive enough to be amused by their prank. It promised that all sorts of punishment would be meted out on those responsible. Sadly, Josiah concluded that those in charge hadn't been able to figure out how the bogus 'lost' announcement had slipped through the A/V club's intense security protocols.
Mr. Fisher tried to greet Josiah with an encouraging smile at the start of English class, but Josiah could tell that the teacher was struggling to keep up appearances. He couldn't help but feel discouraged by the sight of such an upbeat teacher's obvious depression. He didn't know what he could say or do to help, so he just did his best to do what was expected of him in class. On his way out the door, he stopped to thank the teacher. He wasn't sure why. He just understood that he owed Mr. Fisher some appreciation for his tireless efforts to keep the light on.
In Physical Education, Mr. Wyman was brutal. He kept the class running all period, with frequent wind sprints to make sure no one had breath for "idle gossip". He spent most of the class tearing into the boys about how ashamed he was of their behavior. He didn't discriminate between the guilty and the innocent, but Josiah rather hoped that Mr. Wyman didn't think he felt anything but appalled by what had happened.
Lunch was a different matter. With less careful supervision, the gossip mill was in full flow. Everywhere Josiah turned there was excited chatter. The excitement bordered on jubilation in some quarters. He turned away from Daniel and Russ in disgust. There was no way to prove anything, but there was little doubt in Josiah's mind that they had been involved somehow with the events of the morning. Frequent high-fives between them and their friends only solidified his impression.
Of course Ian wasn't in the cafeteria. Jake was the only person sitting at their customary table. The rest of the herd was somewhere safer.
When Josiah took the seat across the table, Jake glanced up in surprise. Josiah thought that it looked like the boy might have been crying. He picked up his tray and came around the table to sit next to Jake. Jake smiled weakly.
Jake didn't need to say anything. The 'why?' was written all over his face. Josiah just needed to decipher what he was asking about.
"I don't get it either," Josiah said. "Ian doesn't deserve this shit. He's such a good kid."
It took Jake a second to realize that Josiah had answered both of his questions, at least to the best of his ability. He shook his head sadly. His eyes began to glisten.
"We were just starting to be friends. Now he isn't going to want to come back here because of those jerks. Or maybe something even worse will happen." Real alarm rose in Jake's eyes as he realized what he had just said.
Josiah nodded. "I feel the same way. I'm just getting to know him. I want to know him better. He's worth it. I can't say that about too many other people here… I mean around us," he amended hurriedly.
Tears were starting to flow down Jake's cheeks. The release of emotion helped to loosen his tongue. "It doesn't bother you that he's gay?" he asked. The color was rising in his cheeks.
"Is he?" Josiah wondered.
Jake looked alarmed. But he didn't see any disgust or menace in Josiah's eyes.
"I'm pretty sure," Jake said. "He hasn't told me. But lots of people say it. And sometimes I can see him looking at… um, guys," he concluded abruptly. "You know. Like he's really interested in… those guys."
The news didn't surprise Josiah. It really wasn't something he had thought about very much. But mostly it didn't surprise him because it didn't matter to him, one way or the other.
But there was something about the cautious way that Jake was looking at him…
"You like him, Jake?" It was only half a question.
"Well, yeah. Of course!" Jake insisted.
"No. I mean, do you like him like that?"
Jake's expression got a little squirrely. But he had the courage of his convictions. And he thought that he could probably trust Josiah.
"I don't know. Maybe. I'm still trying to figure it out. I just know that I really like him a lot," Jake said it with deep conviction, like he was swearing an oath.
"Why don't you talk to him?" Josiah suggested gently. "Maybe that will help you decide."
Jake just shook his head. "He doesn't like me like that."
"If you haven't talked to him, how do you know?" Josiah wondered. "I think he'd like you. You're a good person. You're a loyal friend," he gestured at the empty chairs around them in the hostile room. "A fellow baseball player. And you're a good looking guy, Jake." Josiah surprised himself… and was also surprised to discover that it was true. Jake's roundish face, sandy blond hair, bright green eyes, and the subtle spray of freckles across his nose and cheeks were all quite attractive. His quiet sincerity just helped to seal the deal on his appeal.
Jake blushed. "Ian just doesn't think of me like that," he insisted.
He turned away and refused to resume the conversation until Josiah moved on to another topic.
Josiah studied Jake carefully. 'He looks so sad,' he thought to himself.
Afternoon classes were another trial for Josiah. He wasn't even looking forward to his Psychology class. The number of assholes waiting for him there might have been more appropriate for an Anatomy class.
But he was interested in finding out what an "INTP" personality type meant. During his study hall he had finally remembered the MBTI test result in his backpack, glanced at it, and that label had sparked some curiosity.
Psychology class was disappointing. Most of the students didn't seem interested in being there, despite Ms. Porter's plan to wrap up the MBTI lessons with insights into the sixteen personality types and discussion that might help each student gain some insight into their own type.
In fact, Josiah thought that even Ms. Porter didn't seem interested in being there. There was still an undercurrent of excitement over the drama earlier in the day and many of her students were far too keyed up to engage seriously in class discussion. Josiah noticed a sour expression flicker across her face several times during the period, like she might be disgusted by her students. It was an odd vibe in a class commonly characterized by enthusiastic collaboration between teacher and students.
At least Josiah did learn more about the 'INTP' personality type, when Ms. Porter presented slides with descriptions of each type for those students paying any attention. The INTP type was also known as "The Thinker", or alternately as the "Logician".
Josiah was kind of excited to learn that characteristics of The Thinker included curiosity, a thirst for knowledge, interest in abstract ideas, and in solving complex problems. He liked that the description also identified an interest in innovative thinking and finding new solutions to problems. All in all, he thought that description fit him pretty well.
Josiah was less pleased to note that the description identified potential problems in the social realm for those that shared this type. It certainly helped to explain why he had made few friends among his peers, he reflected, but it hinted at a degree of self-absorption that would always make it difficult to establish social connections. This degree of focus on pursuit of personal interests made it difficult for this type of personality to conform to social structures. At first glance, it seemed to Josiah, the INTP type could be great problem solvers who would often have trouble fitting in with others. It was a disappointing conclusion.
The brief section describing potential careers for people with the INTP type made it sound like it might always be challenging for him to be successful within social structures. It was something that he had half understood about himself for years. As an abstract idea it had never bothered him. Now he was starting to realize that he might always have trouble with friends and relationships, and that even finding a fulfilling career might be a lifelong challenge.
Learning about the result of his MBTI assessment had been the one thing he thought he might enjoy about his Psychology class that afternoon. Even that had been a disappointment.
It really didn't help when Ms. Porter shared the news that each of the eight traits was usually distributed fairly evenly across any population. About half of all people in any group were Thinkers and half were Feelers, for example. But the United States' population, perhaps in a strange anomaly, was made up of about two Extraverts for every one Introvert. It didn't surprise Josiah at all, when he checked his type again, to note that not only was he an Introvert, but according to his assessment he rated ninety-seven percent toward the Introvert end of the I-E scale. From where he was figuratively standing, he could barely even see the Extravert end of the scale!
Josiah was aware that he was being uncharacteristically overdramatic. But as he stared fixedly at the result of his MBTI assessment, he felt like he had visited the Oracle of Delphi and received an unambiguous divination that he was about to die!
The end of the day couldn't come too soon for him.
Josiah almost didn't go for his run that evening. He finally concluded reluctantly that if he was about to die, at least he should die in good shape. The melodrama running through his head was so powerful that it was overwhelming all the reasonable boundaries that usually constrained his thoughts.
It didn't surprise him that Ian wasn't waiting outside when Josiah ran past his house. He didn't even notice any curtains moving in the second-story windows. But there was a car sitting in the driveway.
Josiah got a hundred yards farther down the road, then turned back and retraced his steps.
He stood indecisively at the front door for a full ten seconds before he finally reached out and rapped sharply on it. The door was opened seconds later by an attractive blond women who might have been in her thirties. Her eyes assessed Josiah neutrally before she spoke.
"You're Josiah." It wasn't really a question.
In his unsettled state of mind, Josiah was just glad that one of them knew.
"Hi," he offered uncertainly. He felt somewhat uncomfortable under her dispassionate gaze. "Is Ian home?"
"I'm sorry, Josiah," she said. "Ian needs his sleep. It was a difficult day for him." She paused for another assessment. "But I guess you know that."
He hoped that wasn't an accusation.
"Oh," he didn't try to conceal his disappointment. "When he wakes up, could you please tell him that I stopped by? And that I," he stumbled. He wasn't quite sure how to say it. "I'm worried about him."
Her smile appeared to be genuine. "Of course. I know you are, Josiah."
He started to turn away, but her expression stopped him. "Would you mind waiting here for just a moment, Josiah? I just want to check on Ian."
She returned less than a minute later. She had put on a winter coat and had a bag draped over her arm.
"I hope you don't mind the imposition. I'm sure you're eager to finish your run. But I hope you could give me a few minutes of your time. I'd like to hear more about what's happening at school." She appeared to have more to say, but had perhaps decided that it could wait.
Josiah nodded. "Um," he was trying to figure out how to proceed. "You are Ian's mother. I mean, are you?" He couldn't quite bring himself to be as certain about her identity as she had been about his.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she smiled. "I'm Linda Burton. And I am Ian's mother."
She extended her hand toward Josiah. He shook it tentatively.
"I'm Josiah Brantley. And I'm Ian's friend."
She seemed amused.
"It's nice to meet you, Josiah. I hope you won't mind if I offer to drive. It's been a few years since I last ran." His confusion must have been displayed on his face. "I was hoping you'd join me at Maureen's. The bakery in town," she clarified when she noticed his confusion. "I'm in the mood for coffee and a muffin. I'd be happy to treat you to a drink and snack; whatever would be appropriate for a young athlete in training."
It was unfamiliar social territory for Josiah, but he nodded cautiously. "Thank you, ma'am. I'd appreciate that."
Her amused glance unsettled him, but it seemed friendly enough.
Josiah had never been inside Maureen's Baked Goods before. It wasn't the sort of place that his parents considered practical.
Ms. Burton and the middle-aged woman behind the counter greeted each other warmly, like they were old friends. They waited patiently while Josiah selected an iced tea and a pastry. He hoped the pastry wouldn't bother his stomach during the remainder of his run, but it wasn't often that he had the chance to enjoy that sort of treat.
He thanked Ms. Burton again when she paid for their order. The woman behind the counter watched the exchange with a genial smile, then suggested a quiet table near the front window for her patrons.
Josiah let Ms. Burton sit down before he pulled out a chair for himself. He waited patiently for her to direct their conversation. Instead, she simply observed him for a while.
"Ian says you're a therapist," he said when he became uncomfortable with the silence.
"Yes. I'm sorry, Josiah. A professional habit," she explained, indicating her attentive demeanor with a gesture. "I'm a psychologist. I usually work with children."
For some reason the revelation made Josiah uncomfortable.
"But I'm not here in a professional capacity," she quickly assured him. "I'm just here to get to know my son's friend and to see if he can help me figure out how to help Ian with his trouble at school."
Josiah released a breath, unaware that he had been holding it for several seconds. He bobbed his head to indicate that he understood.
The conversation began tentatively. Ian had never said anything that wasn't positive about his mother. But it took Josiah a while to decide how much he should trust her. Ultimately, he concluded that he should share almost everything.
He didn't mention that Ian had been molested by Daniel and Russ, but Ian's mother was aware that Josiah had shielded her son from a confrontation with older boys in a bathroom. He decided that there was no reason to add much detail to that description.
Ms. Burton knew that Ian was sensitive about his delayed physical development, and that at least part of the bullying directed at him took advantage of his concern. She had heard a few details about the peach in the cafeteria — Josiah wondered if she was aware that it was Ian's own cousin who was responsible for that humiliation — and a similar incident in their Psychology class. She hadn't been told the details of the announcement over the school public address system that morning; only that it had been deeply embarrassing and very, very public.
Josiah decided that sharing the details of that announcement wouldn't touch on the sort of sensitive ground that Ian might not want his mother to hear, so he told her the whole story.
He found her responses confusing. Linda Burton exhibited occasional, subtle gestures and expressions that hinted at her anger and her compassion for her son and for what he was enduring. But most of her reactions to Josiah's revelations were shielded behind the carefully controlled mask of a mental health professional.
It was difficult for Josiah to interpret her responses and to measure his disclosures to best suit the needs of the conversation and of Ian's privacy. Ultimately, he gave up trying to modulate his answers and simply shared whatever she asked him to tell her. It was too mentally exhausting to do anything else.
Once Linda Burton had all the facts regarding Ian's ordeal, she started to probe Josiah for motive.
"This Daniel and his friend Russ, how old are they?"
Josiah knew they were juniors or seniors. He thought they were seniors.
"What do they have against Ian? Did something happen?"
That led to an explanation of the prank in Mr. Waxon's class and Daniel's outrage over Ian's interference. Josiah explained what he understood of the incident, as well as what Daniel and Russ had said to him about Ian and their anger toward him.
Ms. Burton maintained her professional demeanor throughout. But Josiah thought he detected subtle changes in expression that suggested she was wondering how some people ever made it to high school… or maybe he was just projecting questions that were running through his subconscious mind onto her.
After thirty minutes, Josiah felt like he had been through a professional interrogation. It was subtle, but it had been thorough. When the questions stopped, he had a few of his own.
"What can we do about those guys?" He meant Daniel and Russ, although it seemed like he might have been referring to a lot of people.
Ms. Burton admitted that it was hard to do anything about Ian's tormentors until there was actual proof of what they had done and that they had violated the school's behavioral code.
"But the school administrators do want to help, Josiah," she assured him. "They have an obligation to keep the school safe for all students. And," she glanced toward the bakery's customer service counter, "they have a political problem if they can't get this under control. There was a very serious bullying incident at the high school about nine or ten years ago that almost ended in real tragedy."
Josiah had never heard anything about it.
"You wouldn't have been more than five or six at the time. The school was able to sweep much of that story under the rug. But there are still people in town who remember what happened." She looked thoughtful, like she was weighing some options.
"One of the young people involved was seeing me for counseling at the time. I know," her intensity showed real emotion for the first time and Josiah shuddered at her expression, "where the bodies are buried. The school administration knows that they can't afford to ignore what's happening to Ian. A tragedy would be disaster for them."
Josiah tried to process that information. When he realized the range of possibilities covered by that word 'tragedy', he had trouble breathing.
"Could something really bad happen to Ian?" he whispered. It was a disturbing prospect.
"That's what you're helping me prevent." Her tight smile wasn't entirely reassuring. "But yes, it's something we have to be very concerned about. Ian is a bright, talented and fairly self-confident boy. But he's only fourteen. Anybody his age who has difficulties with their self-image can be triggered by excessive negative peer pressure to do something dangerous." Josiah felt that she was trying to soften the message with jargon, but what she was saying still terrified him.
"Until the school can step in and stop these harassing incidents, Ian will really need his friends to support him." Ms. Burton paused to consider her next words. "When he first told me about what was happening to him, he told me that he was sure he could count on your support. Over the past couple of days he hasn't sounded so certain any more. Did something happen between you?"
Josiah was stunned by the question. "No!" he insisted. "I'll do anything I can to help him. He's my friend. Nothing is going to change that!"
Ms. Burton could see that emotion in Josiah's eyes, his pain at the suggestion that Ian might not be able to count on him. She wasn't sure what had changed Ian's certainty, but she didn't doubt Josiah. Eleven years in clinical practice had taught her how to read the subtle signals people give off that spoke the truth about what they were thinking and feeling. Josiah's body language matched his words completely. Internally, she breathed a sigh of relief.
"Thank you for letting me get to know you, Josiah, and for telling me about what's happening at school. I hope we can speak again. But it's getting late and you need to finish your run before it gets dark. I don't want anything bad happening to Ian's friend."
As Josiah left that bakery he breathed a sigh of relief. The intensity of the conversation still weighed heavily as he began a few stretching exercises to warm back up and resume his run. He supposed that Ms. Burton had been nice, but he did feel like he had just survived an ordeal.
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