Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
by N Fourbois
Part 2
Shortly after sunrise Reinhardt rode out with Snow White towards the forest. Such a surprise was the hunting trip that he couldn't even tell his page Hans where he was going or what he was doing that day. The weather was perfect. He was on such a high because after all the years someone was at last taking an interest in him. What he could not understand was Reinhardt's dour mood. It was out of character. Snow White knew that, like most of the senior staff in the palace, Reinhardt was gay, camp almost, but there was no sign of that today.
The road to and into the forest was familiar to Snow White. According to Reinhardt's plans the first task of the day was to hunt down and slay a stag. This took the pair deeper into the forest and eventually brought them to the clearing, well known to Snow White for this is where he and Hans fell in love. Reinhardt lifted the dead stag from across his saddle, laid it out on the grass and drew his knife to deal with the kill, and as he did, he grabbed Snow White and threatened him with his hunting knife. Time and action froze. The two men looked each other in the face. Snow White screamed out "What are you doing, Reinhardt?" Reinhardt looked into Snow White's large sapphire eyes and realised he was unable to carry out the treacherous act. Finally Reinhardt dropped the knife, let go of Snow White and broke down in tears. Snow White took the knife.
Eventually Reinhardt recovered enough to kneel before Snow White and sobbed "Your Royal Highness, forgive me for what I have done," and he made a full confession of his guilt, relating what Snow White's stepfather had commanded him to do and the consequences. "If we return to the palace, we will both be killed, you by the machinations of your stepfather and me by the judicial system. You must flee, Snow White."
The young man pondered the situation and said "Okay, Reinhardt, this is what we'll do. You must return to the palace and report my accidental death. Say my body was carried away by a raging torrent at the bottom of a ravine. So my stepfather wants my heart and my balls. He mustn't have things all his own way. Cut the heart out of the stag, and its testicles and put them in the wooden casket. Better take the balls out of the pouch first. He won't believe I'm that hairy. Take my horse. You must act in the utmost secrecy, as my stepfather commanded, but don't trust him. I have just one request. Take my pageboy Hans on one side, swear him to secrecy and tell him the whole story. He won't betray you, and tell him that one day we shall be re-united. God speed, Reinhardt, and may he protect and forgive you."
Snow White watched as Reinhardt mounted his horse, took his own by the reins and rode back through the forest. When the sound of horses' hooves had faded, Snow White, heedless of the dripping blood, lifted the stag over his shoulders and headed along the path out of the glade leading in the opposite direction of home. Little did he know, however, that they had been silently watched from the trees at the edge of the clearing by seven pairs of interested hidden eyes. Seven dwarves had paused on their way home after a hard day's work in the mine.
The mood in the palace that day was, to say the least, strange. The bad humour of the Crown Prince over, the previous days and weeks had frightened the junior members of the Royal Household and they busied themselves below stairs to avoid him. Even his Gentleman-in-Waiting was wary. Then suddenly on this particular day everything changed. The three pages who had been 'on duty' overnight told how they had been summoned to the royal bedchamber and on comparing notes in the pages' mess discovered that the sodomy they had been subjected to one after another had improved each time. The mood in the household was distinctly lighter… with one exception.
Hans, the Crown Prince's Personal Page, could not find his royal master anywhere. When he went to wake him, his bed was empty. Snow White had not mentioned that he would be rising early. Hans searched the royal apartment. No one had either seen or heard Snow White since the previous night. It was noted that Reinhardt, Master of the King's Hunt, was not around, but it was deemed unimportant and no one considered visiting the stables where the absence of his horse, not to mention Snow White's as well, might have merited some attention.
Throughout the day Hans's mood changed from loneliness and peevishness because he had not been kept informed of the Crown Prince's whereabouts to longing and despair at the sudden disappearance of his soul mate. He kept himself busy until the sun started to dip in the sky, when he made his way back to the lodge and his family. It was then that he saw Reinhardt the Huntsman arrived through the gateway, riding his horse and leading Snow White's by the reins. His face was grim. Hans went to relieve Reinhardt of the riderless steed. Reinhardt said "Get on the horse and follow me." A page does not question or disobey the Master of the King's Hunt. In the olden days such insubordination would have led to a horsewhipping. He followed the huntsman through the town and out into the country. The huntsman stopped in what these days would be considered a park. The two dismounted and sat on the grass. There was no one else around.
"Hans! You love you royal master?"
"I do, I do."
"What I'm about to tell you is a secret which you must swear to guard with your life. You must tell no one."
"I swear," and Hans crossed his heart.
"Snow White is in mortal danger." Reinhardt recounted what had happened between him and the Prince Regent and then what happened during the day. "Officially he is dead. Remember that. In reality he has gone off to seek refuge and safety with no guarantee of finding them. And one last thing. He asked me to give you a message. He loves you. He trusts you love him…"
"With all my heart."
"He wants you never to give up on him…"
"I won't, I promise."
"… and one day when you are re-united he will marry you." Reinhardt gave Hans no time to think. They mounted the horses and rode back to the palace. "Take these two to the stables and tell the lad to give them a good rub down and to water and feed them. I must hie to the Prince Regent."
"Reinhardt, you have done well," affirmed Prince Rupert, after looking in the wooden casket. "I have affairs of state to attend to, but in two hours' time you will attend the royal bedchamber," and he summarily dismissed his huntsman.
The huntsman gone, Prince Rupert summoned the royal chef. "Supper tonight," he said in a peremptory manner, handing him the casket with the stag's heart and testicles. "I desire a ragout." The stew duly arrived and the Prince consumed it with relish. After he had finished, Reinhardt was announced and taken to the Prince's bedchamber from where he emerged after a consummate erotic experience. He returned to his quarters.
At sunrise there was no longer either sight or sound of Reinhardt, Master of the King's Hunt. He had fled the kingdom. A loss so important as that of the principal huntsman could not fail of being generally and severely felt. When the Prince Regent had recovered from the shock of the news and its consequences he dispatched the Constable and his men to search for the missing huntsman and bring him back, dead or alive. Only he and Hans knew the gravity of the situation and Hans had been sworn to secrecy. The Constable's men had absolutely nothing to go on. Many days were spent in fruitless search. Indeed, they returned without having made any discovery of importance. The Prince Regent was distraught, but unable to confide in anyone, not even in his Gentleman-in-Waiting. The Court considered it a return of Prince Rupert's former ailment.
Back in the forest Snow White pursued the path not knowing where it might take him. The trees grew higher, denser and darker, hiding the sun. While he knew it hadn't set yet, he could not see its position and so he had lost all sense of time. In a while he came upon another clearing. The stag was beginning to weigh heavy on his shoulders. Through the clearing flowed a fast stream. Snow White crossed the bridge, set the stag down and took a rest. He washed the stag's blood off the best he could and took a drink of the fresh cool water. The carcass was pretty well drained now. He picked it up, shouldered it and continued on his way. What he had not realised was that by crossing the brook, he had also crossed the frontier of his own kingdom and was now on the sovereign territory of another realm. He was safe, at least in theory. His evil stepfather, the Constable and his men wielded no power there.
Again the trees parted and Snow White found himself in another clearing, except that here stood a solitary cottage, and no mean hovel at that. It was large, had a neat cottage garden fenced off in the front and behind a large kitchen garden, just as neatly laid out. Over the front door was a sign – 'Home Sweet Home'. He laid the slaughtered stag on the grass outside the front garden, for he instinctively knew that the owner would not appreciate blood running onto his neatly manicured lawn. He went up to the door and rapped on it. He waited. No reply. He knocked on it louder and stepped back to see if any of the net curtains were twitching. Absolutely no movement. He knocked for a third time and shouted out. "Anybody at home?" Having made three attempts to rouse the occupants, he felt fair enough to lift the latch and he found the door unbolted. The door opened and he called out again and on receiving no reply, he made so bold as to enter.
Snow White was taken aback at what he saw. The first thing was a large room, basically a combined kitchen and dining room, but with everything in miniature, or more accurately reduced in size. In the centre was a long table set for supper. He counted the settings. Seven. He began to explore and found himself in a bedroom, again strange to his mind for although the floor space was unusually vast, the furniture was of reduced size with one extremely wide, but short bed. Along the tailboard were hanging seven nightcaps of varying hues, each embroidered with a name. He read them; he read them out loud. "Arsey, Cutie, Spunky, Chunky, Weeny, Thickie and Jumpy."
By now Snow White was beginning to feel sleepy. He had been woken early, taken on a hunt, escaped assassination, been forced to walk an unknown distance through the forest to save his life, and carrying a heavy stag at that, and if that were not sufficient, he had not eaten since the previous evening and had survived on drinking stream water. He could no longer resist the temptation to lay himself down lengthwise across the diminutive bed and he promptly fell in to a deep sleep.
Snow White had not the faintest idea how long he had been sleeping. When he woke, he could hear voices. The door he had left open was now closed. He crept on tiptoe up to the door and quietly opened it. Round the kitchen table were seated seven men, seven dwarves as Snow White observed, deep in conversation. They did not notice the bedroom door open. Snow White coughed and the sound made the little men jump and at first mayhem ensued.
After a few moments the oldest dwarf, who had been sitting at the head of the table, managed to calm the other six down and restore some order. "So, Snow White, you found our little abode. Welcome." The other dwarves joined in the welcome, jumping up and down and all wanting to shake his hand at once. "We found your gift outside. It's been butchered and left to hang in the larder, but the offal is in the pot and we hope you will join us for supper. Strangely though, we could find no heart nor the sweetbreads."
Snow White needed a few moments to gather his thoughts. "Thank you. Willingly. But how do you know who I am?"
"All in good time. Everything will soon be explained, but first you must clean yourself up. There's a pump outside. Unfortunately we can't offer you any clean clothing." The other dwarves burst into laughter at the thought of Snow White struggling to climb into their clothes. "And we must get on and prepare supper. It's not every day that we have the honour of entertaining a prince, let alone one from another country."
"Another country?"
"Sure. For when you walked over the bridge and across the brook, you crossed the frontier of your kingdom and are now on the sovereign territory of your neighbouring realm. You are safe here. At least for the time being."
Fortunately Snow White's black leather jerkin had protected him from the worst of the stag's blood and he was reasonably presentable when he sat down to supper with the dwarves. The head of the family sat at the head of the table with three dwarves along either side, and Snow White at the other end. He had to sit on a sawn off tree trunk because the chairs were too small for him.
"Belatedly, we had better introduce ourselves. I'm Arsey," said the head dwarf.
"That's because he's so serious and grumpy," said the dwarf sitting on Snow White's right. The other dwarves murmured their agreement. "And I'm Cutie," he continued. Snow White could see why. He was the best looking of the dwarves, a veritable Adonis in miniature.
"I'm Spunky," said his table companion on the left. "I won't say why at table."
"You'll soon see why," giggled the next one along. "By the way, I'm Weeny."
"And we all know why you're called Weeny," added the dwarf opposite him and Weeny stuck his tongue out at him."
"I'm called Jumpy," he explained as he wriggled around in his seat, "but I don't know why." The one next to him said
"I'm Chunky."
"And we won't discuss that over the meal table, either," warned Arsey. That left one dwarf who did not seem to be up with the conversation at all. Weeny elbowed him in the ribs and he gave Weeny a vacant stare.
"And I'm Thickie. I don't know why they called me that, either."
"We saw what happened in the clearing," said Arsey. His spectacles had slipped down his nose and he looked at Snow White over them.
"I'm lucky to be alive."
"Not just luck," said Spunky. "Your good looks saved you from that huntsman's knife…"
"And we invoked the protection of St Barbara," said Cutie.
"St Barbara?" asked Snow White.
"St Barbara," said Jumpy "is the Patron Saint of Mineworkers and that's what we are."
"Because she also protects against sudden and unforeseeable death," added Weeny.
"And you, young man, were obviously in that category," said Chunky. Thickie looked round the table and grinned.
"That can happen in a mine," he said.
"So what do you mine?" asked Snow White?
"Gold and precious stones."
"And why do you work in one country and live in another?"
"Well," said Arsey "we have to mine where the mine is…"
"Obviously."
"… and for tax purposes. In your country the taxes are lower, much lower until your stepfather ruled, but still lower even now. And because we don't earn anything in this country, we just pay property tax.
"But now we must talk about darker things. When your stepfather discovers that you are still alive, and he will sooner or later, we must discuss how to protect you. Or perhaps you would prefer to continue your journey and see what fate has in store for you?"
"I must think about that, and more for you see my best friend is the sweetest boy in Christendom and I have left him behind. He won't know where I am, or whether I am dead or alive."
"Ah, I remember," said Cutie. "Was that the young fellow you kissed in the clearing a couple of summers ago?"
"You seem to know a lot," said Snow White.
"We were there in the clearing, making our way home after work.
"That was the day of our first kiss, the day we fell in love."
"Aaah!" said Cutie, "Bless," and he made big eyes at Snow White.
"You are welcome to spend the night with us," said Arsey, "indeed as much time as you need until your affairs are sorted out. But I must warn you. Your stepfather will not give up his quest to have you killed, once he discovers that you are still alive. For he is not driven by a lust for power, but by emotions much stronger, much more destructive. He is vain and envious, jealous of your beauty which, as you become less of a boy and more of a man will rival, then surpass his… if it hasn't already done so. Be warned, Snow White."
A week is a long time in the life of a royal court, a month an epoch. The Master of the Royal Hunt had disappeared and been heard of no more, but by then he was forgotten. The Crown Prince was dead, so everybody apart from Hans believed, but he had been sworn to silence. A requiem was held in the cathedral. After searching the homes of several innocent and prominent people simply on hearsay and without any proof, the Constable declared the investigations closed for lack of evidence and he ordered the search to be called off. The matter was closed. The kingdom settled down to five more years of being ruled by Prince Rupert until his son, Prince Otto, reached his majority and could accede to the throne. The pages resumed their 'royal duties' with the exception of Hans who claimed an exemption out of respect for of his previous appointment. He was appointed as the personal page to the new Crown Prince, but without the carnal duties. There were plenty of pages ready and willing to fill that hole, as it were, either because they enjoyed the sex or simply because they were making their number for the eventuality that Prince Otto became king. Life at court continued. The Crown Prince is dead. Long live the Crown Prince.
However, the whole affair had undermined the self-confidence of the Prince Regent. Now that there had been one challenge to his being the greatest hunk in the realm and although that challenge had now been disposed of, he was haunted by the idea that another might come about. Consequently Prince Rupert made it has daily routine to disappear up to that forgotten area of the palace where he hid his magic mirror. He carried out the routine to the point of obsession, one he could not confide to anyone, not even to his Gentleman-in-Waiting.
"Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Who's the greatest hunk of them all?"
He was still content in the knowledge that the mirror would only speak the truth.
"Your Royal Highness, no man in the land can exceed your handsome visage and superb physique. You are certainly the greatest hunk of them all." The Prince Regent kissed his biceps in the certainty that he really was the greatest hunk in the land. At least for the next twenty-four hours.
Back in the dwarves' cottage Snow White woke at sunrise after a long and deep sleep. From sleeping on a hard floor – is there such a thing as a soft one? – he thought of the vain princess who was unable to sleep on several soft mattresses because she was able to feel a pea under them. 'Ungrateful cow,' he thought. 'I'll swap fairytales with her.' The dwarves were queuing at the pump outside to complete their ablutions. For them it functioned as a shower. When they had finished, they invited Snow White to sit down to breakfast with them. Cheese, bread and water was the order of the day. "Snow White, have you thought over your future yet?" asked Arsey from the head of the table.
"I think I'll just go on my way and seek my fortune."
"You're welcome to stay here with us," said Spunky.
"Oh, yes, do," went on Cutie.
"We all like you," added Chunky, "even Arsey, though he'd never admit it, and they all joined in, agreeing with Chunky, except one. Jumpy gave him a hard nudge with his elbow.
"Don't we, Thickie?" said Weenie. Thickie looked at him and said
"Duh, can you repeat the question?"
"That's good advice," said Arsey. "From what you've told us, you need to lie low for a few days and rest up. You've had a bad experience."
"But I have no money and I can't sponge off your hospitality," protested Snow White. "I must go and seek some work."
"Don't worry about the hospitality. If you mine gold and precious stones, you cannot fail to gain some wealth. And it was under the generous reign of your father that we were able to develop the mine and this is a way we show our gratitude."
"Okay," said Snow White. "I'll stay for a few more days, but you must set me some tasks. I'll sweep the floor, chop wood. I'll prepare your supper for when you get home from work."
"That will be a great help, but do not forget. Your personal safety is of the highest importance. You are a future king."
"Do you honestly think that will happen now?"
"By the blessed St Barbara that's what we're working towards. We were subjects of your late father, even though we live as ex-pats. And one day we shall be your subjects.
"Okay, with that we shall leave you here with this warning. If anyone comes this way, while we are out, you lock yourself inside the cottage, bolt the doors and pretend there is nobody at home. Even if it's the most harmless old crone peddling her wares. Is that understood?" Snow White affirmed it was.
With that the dwarves finished their breakfast, gathered their kit together and with a chorus of 'Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to work we go,' they left the cottage and in line they marched off down the path through the forest and towards the mine. Snow White obediently bolted the doors and sat down to make a plan of work for that day. Being a prince he had never had to do such work before, but he thought about what the pageboys and the other servants in the palace used to do and took that as an example. The novelty made it interesting and he set about the tasks with a positive attitude, and being gay, he had a good eye for making the cottage really pleasant for the dwarves to come home to.
The Prince Regent continued the daily consultations with his magic mirror and each time he received the same answer.
And so life continued. However busy he kept, Snow White could not erase Hans from his thoughts. Since he slept in an attic room away from the dwarves, he had the privacy to remember Hans, think about him and exercise his right fist in doing so. But it hadn't taken very long for Snow White to be outed. Not that he was worried. Surprisingly, though, it was Thickie who had the strongest power of gaydar out of the seven, but it was Spunky who was the first to seduce him, quickly followed over the next few days by the other dwarves with the noticeable exception of Arsey who, it became obvious, was older and therefore the pater familias and therefore above such activities.
Summer merged into autumn, autumn changed sharply into winter with its snow and ice, but six days a week the dwarves would still make their way to the mine and work. Of course, once they were inside the temperature was constant and so it felt warm in winter and cool in summer. When one of the dwarves had a cold, Snow White would rub his chest with goose grease and it was amazing how Cutie and Spunky managed to catch more colds than the other five put together. The dwarves celebrated Christmas with Snow White and Chunky said he had managed to find some mistletoe in the forest and he insisted that Snow White should be the first to 'see whether it worked' with him. With spring the snow melted, the birds began to sing and the early flowers started to blossom. Over those months the Crown Prince had passed his eighteenth birthday and so was entitled to claim his throne. He did not tell the dwarves about his birthday for under the circumstances it held little import for him. He was still longing for Hans.
There had been no attempts on Snow White's life and with the exception of Arsey, he and the dwarves had become a little complacent.
It was tradition that on Lady Day, three months after Christmas, the mine held an open day. It was also the day that the mine's annual taxes fell due. The dwarves decided that it would be safe to take Snow White along and show him what they did at work. And so after breakfast he joined the line of dwarves at the back and with a 'heigh ho, heigh ho' they marched off to work. For the first time since summer the Crown Prince crossed the stream, that is he crossed the frontier into the sovereign territory of which he was now entitled to be king.
He was interested in what the dwarves did. Arsey was the boss at work as well as at home. He inspected and valued the precious stones and the gold mined there. At the other end of the pecking order was Thickie. He did the sweeping up and, more importantly, collect together the unusable gems and lock them away. Weeny hauled the cart from the rock face to Arsey for his inspection. The others worked away at the rock face, loosening the stone and extracting anything valuable. Jumpy would always get in the way and annoy his fellow workers. Spunky was the joker and annoyed the others by pinching their bottoms or grabbing their balls, except for Weeny who never got any attention and just got on with the work.
Snow White sat quietly in a dark corner in Arsey's office while he was talking to the tax collector and they were working out an equitable sum, which the Crown Prince could verify in his head. The taxes were duly paid and the tax collector went on his merry way.
Prince Rupert's daily ritual of locking himself away in his secret room continued. He was obsessed with it. The irony was that through worrying so much he was in danger of losing his good looks. And so it was that while Snow White was enjoying his visit to the mine the Prince Regent ascended the winding stairs to that obscure part of the palace. He unlocked the room to the magic mirror.
"Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Who's the greatest hunk of them all?"
He was confident in the knowledge that the mirror would and could only speak the truth.
"Your Royal Highness, only one man in the land can exceed your handsome visage and superb physique. You were certainly the greatest hunk of them all, but today the hunkiest man in the land is your stepson, Snow White." This time Prince Rupert was giving the mirror his full attention. There was no self-congratulatory kissing of the biceps. The horror, rage and amazement were visible on his face.
"And where is this Snow White?"
"He left the protection of the dwarves' cottage beyond the bounds of your kingdom to visit the mine which is inside your realm." Prince Rupert fell into deep contemplation. His one question was 'how could this be?'.
"Snow White must die. But I said that before. It is clear I can trust nobody and so I must carry out the deed myself." He locked away the magic mirror and went straight to the stables without informing his staff. He rode off into the forest to a cavern he knew was the abode of an old witch. He played with a gold coin as he consulted her and content with what she had told him and furthermore with what she had given him, he left the gold coin behind on her table and rode back to the palace.
Just before sunset that evening the tax collector rode in after a successful day's work. The palace gates were closed and so he dismounted to find someone to let him in. Hans was sent out by his father to open the gates. There was no security risk. "Hey, Hans, I have something to tell that might interest you." Hans delayed opening the gates to make sure the conversation lasted until he heard what the tax collector had to say. "I could swear that I saw Prince Alexander today."
"Wot? Snow White? Where? Tell me." The tax collector explained that he was visiting a mine at the edge of the kingdom, one that's worked by seven dwarves, and there he was, sitting in the corner of the boss's office while they were calculating the year's taxes.
"And he seemed to know a lot about the tax system."
"Where is this mine?" The taxman explained. "Yes, I know that area of the forest well." Hans swore the taxman to secrecy before unlocking the gate and letting him in. The collector still had to pay the tax into the Exchequer, even at this late hour, and so Hans took his horse to the stables for him.
The following morning the stable lad was woken prematurely from his night's sleep. The first time was by the Prince Regent himself just before sunrise who demanded his stallion and ordered the boy to say nothing about this to anybody. The second time was just after sunrise when Hans demanded not only his own horse, but the Crown Prince's too. "What shall I say if he wants it?"
"Nothing, unless he presses you. Then say it has shed a shoe and has been taken to the farrier."
Prince Rupert and Hans, although they didn't know it, were headed in the same direction. An Arab stallion can travel faster than a pony leading another pony. Prince Rupert passed by the mine without stopping. He was satisfied that as the mine was working all the dwarves would be occupied there. He crossed the frontier and soon he was approaching the clearing where the dwarves' cottage was. He dismounted and tethered his horse some way off the beaten track. He inspected the wicker basket of apples he had brought with him, picking out the largest and juiciest one. He took the vial of poison the old witch at the cavern had given him and laced the rosy red side with the contents. He laid a cloth across the remainder and placed the poisoned one on top. He cut a walking stick from one of the young trees and took a dirty old robe from his saddle bag. Covering his body and head with robe, he bent himself double and with stick in one hand and basket over the other arm, he hobbled towards the clearing.
When he was within earshot, he croaked out "Red apples, lovely red apples. Who wants to buy my lovely red apples?" Snow White heard the old crone and took heed. He went into the cottage and barred the doors. The old crone rapped at the front door. She was so insistent that he finally gave in. 'It's only an old crone. She can't do me any harm,' he thought, but he still kept the doors bolted. He opened the window a crack. "My, you're a handsome young man," said the crone. 'The mirror certainly was not lying when it said Snow White was the greatest hunk,' he thought. 'I really do have something to concern myself with.' "Lovely apples. Why don't you try one?" and she lifted the cloth to show how lovely they all were.
Snow White thought 'Mmm, fresh apples in springtime? How can that be?' but failed to think it through. "Are you afraid they are poisoned, young sir?" the old crone croaked. "Look, I'll share one with you," and with that she cut the apple in two and took a bite from the yellow side, chewed and swallowed it. "Now taste this," and she handed the poisoned red half to him. He took a bite and immediately fell back from the window, dead.
Prince Rupert laughed out loud, discarded his dirty old robes, stood upright and threw his stick into a thicket. In his jubilation, what he didn't notice was the sovereign's signet ring slip from his little finger and fall onto the crumpled heap of clothes. He dumped the wicker basket of apples, which later proved to be decorative ones made of wax, and speedily made his way back to his horse and rode at a gallop back to the palace.
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