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You are here: Home > Story Shelf > All Authors > Michael Peterson > Malcolm, Chapter 15

Malcolm

Chapter 15

Fall 1952

by Michael Peterson

My trip back from Camp McFarlane in my grandfather's Chrysler with Freddy and Butch was somewhat relaxed, even happy. Freddy looked forward to doing things with me at the stream. Butch wanted to meet my poor friends across the boulevard from his well-to-do neighborhood.

But, beneath the bubbles there was apprehension. In a little over four days, I'd be facing my father again, an unpleasant proposition normally, but greatly complicated by the Washburn affair. Considering the enormous amount of money my father would reap from it, one would think I'd have had a more positive outlook. However, knowing my father's need to find fault with me, there was the distinct possibility it would be turned against me, become a cause for punishment and a blow up that I would ultimately lose.

The first stop was a White Tower Restaurant. Butch missed their little burgers. We three boys ate three each plus fries and a soda. My grandparents had one and bought some fruit juice from a supermarket down the street.

Butch was taken home first. Only his maid was there to let him in. Freddy and I left the trunk in his bedroom. It looked a bit like my bedroom but had shelves of books, far more than mine. I was jealous. We agreed to meet at ten the next morning at Edward's Supermarket. Freddy had taken the day off but had to work the next day, the always busy Saturday.

From there, we took my trunk to my house. Adelaide was there to let us in. We hauled it up to my room. I showed everyone my 'jail door' as I called the new doorway my father installed across the hall past the entry to my bathroom.

I took some clothes out of the trunk, handed them to my grandfather and told him I'd bring whatever else I needed in a minute. I wanted to get him out so I could get the cash out of the bottom of the trunk and hide it. There was a lot but not the time to count it. I stuffed it and the note of apology from Bert and the others into a pair of khaki pants and carried it all out to the car.

Finally at my grandparent's house, Freddy and I went straight to our room to count my money, then did it again. I couldn't believe I'd earned three hundred and eighty-one dollars. Freddy reminded me of the three my grandfather had given me for naming three good things about my father. I recalled I'd gone to camp with five dollars in my pocket and had never spent a penny. By the time I was free to go to the store, it was all courtesy of the camp. My ass and lips had made three hundred seventy-three dollars. Freddy counted it again.

'I'm in the wrong job. You made almost a hundred more than me, about eighty.' He shook his head. 'Whatta you gonna do with all this?'

'I'm going to hide most of it in case I need it. And now I can buy some stuff for Victor at school. He's a friend of mine. His parents don't give him anything to spend. And get some stuff for myself, like more baseball cards, or football cards now if they got 'em.'

We went for a run around the neighborhood then came back and did exercises in the alley, attracting the attention of two neighbor teens who left angry when they couldn't do anything we were doing. I heard 'nigger' as they walked away. We finished in the front hall.

That evening, Freddy and I watched a little television then went upstairs to read to one another from a short story book that Stanley from my cabin had given me that morning as we were packing. Though I could still hear the Negro accent, Freddy's speech was vastly changed from a year earlier. He had worked hard but I continued to miss the easy flow his words had had before. Every once in a while, though, the wonderful sound crept back in. I got the impression the new speech patterns were forced.

That night, we went to bed early, both wanting to be close. Freddy lay naked on top of me, his face on my shoulder, his cock between my legs, gently pumping.

I kissed his cheek repeatedly. 'I love you, Freddy.'

'I love you too, Maacum.'

'I thought about you all the time at camp, thinking who I liked best for sex but every time I knew that the sex wasn't the most important thing when we have sex. It's what I feel like when you're with me. I love to feel you on top of me like this.' I hugged him tightly. 'There's nobody else in the world I want to be with like I do with you. I love you so much.'

He said nothing but kissed me on the lips briefly and hugged me for a while. We fucked with him on my back then slept for a while. During the night, we did it again then slept lying face to face in each other's arms as I'd done with Georgie that last night.

I went to work with Freddy in the morning. He had to be there at eight thirty to help with the clean up before the nine o'clock opening.

From there I went to Martin's house. Dickie opened the door and jumped into my arms and shouted, 'Malcolm's here, Malcolm!'

The girls ran to the front of the house first. The youngest giggled while her older sister welcomed me with an almost shy, 'Oh. Hi Malcolm.'

Mr. O'Malley shook my hand and his wife hugged me. Martin was at Bobby's house working. Dickie didn't want me to go anywhere.

'C'mere,' he said while dragging me to and up the stairs, 'I wanna show you sumthin'.'

He took me into the bedroom, closed the door, sat me on the bed, pushed me back, fell on top of me and planted his mouth full on mine, sucking at my lips, running his tongue over and between my teeth. He and Martin had gone beyond sucking and fucking.

His hips ground rapidly into my belly. I worried someone would walk in the unlockable door.

'Dickie,' I said after pulling loose of his lips, 'somebody might come in, your sisters, anybody.'

'No they won't. Let's do stuff.'

'But, Dickie, it's daytime. People are all over and the door's unlocked.'

'Please, Malcolm. Martin hardly ever does it with me any more. It's just Steven, Steven, Steven and he doesn't do anything, just sticks it in me sometimes.'

'But we can't do in here right now. People will see.'

'Can we go to your house?'

'Dickie, no, I can't go there now and it's too far. I'll come one night.'

'But I wanna do it now. Martin doesn't wanna do it with me any more, just Steven.'

His enthusiasm had me hot. His reason made me sympathetic. Seven year olds weren't normally my thing but this little boy had a way of exciting me. I wracked my brain for a safe place. 'Can you go out?'

'Tell mom you want to take me with you to where Martin works. They never let me go there.'

That didn't sound very promising. 'You ask her.'

'No, you. She always says no to me.'

Dickie pushed his hand between us and found my erection. He smiled. 'You want to, too.' He kissed me again.

I noticed the chair at Martin's small desk and had an idea. 'Are there any books downstairs that we can read?'

'I don' wanna read. I wanna do sex.'

'We can say we're reading.'

He thought. 'I'll get one.'

He dashed out the door. I heard his squeaky voice mention read to his mother then his rapid footsteps on the stairs. He darted in and closed the door. I put the chair under the handle and kicked each back leg once to secure it. He was taking off his shoes when I turned around.

'Don't take off your shoes. Just pull your pants down.' I opened and lowered mine.

He lay on me again kissing and fondling my stiff cock. I wanted to move things quickly to the main event. I hoped it was just oral but remembered how nice his tight little rear end felt. I pulled him around to a sixty-nine position. He went immediately down on me. I sucked his chunky two incher. He pumped hard into my face. I held his buns to slow him down. He was doing a great job on me, putting his entire mouth to work. It was almost like I was inside his rear end. He tugged on my thighs right below my ass. I pumped slowly into his mouth. He rolled his head around. Dickie had become very accomplished at this. My perineum felt like it was glowing. I moved faster on his, difficult from under him. My cock bloated. I came. I pressed his head tight to my crotch and turned us over where I could do a more effective job on him. He responded. Seconds later, his body straightened. He throbbed in my mouth.

When his orgasm had run its course, I said, 'Dickie, I've gotta go.'

He pushed my cock out of his mouth with his tongue and asked, 'Can you stay here tonight?'

'I don't think so. I've got to stay at my grandparents all weekend.' Sleeping with Martin and Dickie was always an erotic blast but I wanted to be with Freddy.

'When?'

'I don't know. Maybe next weekend if my father lets me out.'

I walked the five blocks to Bobby's and knocked on the door. Steven opened it and shouted the same as Dickie, 'Malcolm's here!' He didn't jump in my arms but did drag me by the arm toward the kitchen.

Bobby got to me first. He wrapped his arms around me and gave a ferocious French kiss. 'I hope you came to work,' he said with his hands on his hips. Martin wanted to just hug. I told Steven to turn around and sucked in his lips. All three wore aprons.

Bobby rushed back into the kitchen. The rest of us followed. They were preparing a sauce for a pasta meal Bobby had been hired to provide for a birthday party.

Bobby's mother was slicing vegetables on a long stainless steel table against the wall where the rickety kitchen table had once stood. She smiled and welcomed me.

The kitchen had a second stove, a very commercial looking thing with two ovens and heavy iron grates over the eight burners. There was a second refrigerator, twice the size of the first. The old dish sink was gone and a larger stainless steel double sink was in its place.

'Gees, Bobby,' I said, 'how many jars do you sell a day?'

'You mean of soup? About, uh, thirty-two yesterday. But we also sell spaghetti sauce, different kids of stews and pastas, and we're working on some biscuits and rolls. I've got some dough in the fridge we're gonna bake when I finish this. There's our price list on the table in the living room.

There was a large stack of mimeographed price lists. They had his telephone number at the bottom in large numbers. 'Whose telephone is this?' I called out.

'Mine, right behind you.'

I looked around. There was a desk piled with papers on the opposite side of the kitchen wall. A telephone hung on the wall above it beside a calendar.

I went back into the kitchen.

Steven was washing his hands in the sink. 'I gotta go collect. Wanna come?'

'Money?'

'No, jars and stuff.'

'Go with him,' suggested Bobby, 'We're gonna be real busy here for a while.'

We pushed a large wheeled cart like an oversized grocery basket all over the area. Suddenly, I remembered my appointment with Butch and rushed off to Edward's. He was standing in front of the store looking like he needed to pee.

After I apologized, he said, 'I've gotta stay at my uncle's house for a few days. My parents are in New York and they're going to fumigate the house today.'

He told me he'd call as soon as he got back.

'You better let me call you. My father doesn't like anybody calling me.'

Butch ran across the boulevard and I caught up to Steven. We stopped at a half dozen more houses, then pushed our load of jars back to Bobby's where we washed them in steamy hot water in his new stainless steel sink. Steven stood on a low stool, like the one I'd sat on to blow Charley back at the McFarlane clinic. He scrubbed and I dried. The water he used was really hot. I was surprised he could handle it.

Bobby and Martin loaded up the birthday party pasta and drinks into the cart. His mother, who I hadn't noticed wasn't there when we returned, came into the house with a large birthday cake. Bobby, Martin and his mother went off with the cart. Steven and I cleaned up the kitchen.

'You guys do this every day?'

'Sure. Well, more like today when we have a party or a dinner or something. Everyday but Sunday. All we do Sunday is cook and fix stuff for Monday. That's only two or three hours.'

'You work seven days a week?'

'Bobby does. We can only work four days a week, just thirty hours, but we do more sometimes. Spike and this other girl work during the week and sometimes Saturdays. Bobby's looking for somebody new for next week when Spike and all of us go back to school. There's this guy but his mother doesn't like him. He's always touching Bobby's ass.'

Martin was back in fifteen minutes, Bobby fifteen after him. His mother had stayed to help.

'How much you making with this party?' I asked

'All or profit?'

'Profit.'

'About twenty-two dollars.'

That didn't seem like much with him paying Martin and Steve and splitting it with his mother. 'And how much you have to pay these guys, and your mother?'

'That includes everybody's pay. The twenty-two is for me and I got the afternoon sales to go and that'll be more. I did the party as a favor. C'mon, I gotta do some baking.'

Bobby was working seven days a week, ten hours most days, longer Saturdays, just four Sundays.

'How much do you make a week, for you?'

'Aha! That's a secret,' he said as he took a pair of pots out of the large refrigerator. 'But I gotta change the floor here and do some work on the walls and install new drains so it's not all that much yet.'

'What time do you get finished today?'

'I have a couple of hours free to fuck you at about one thirty. I know it's been a long time.'

I pulled Bert's note of apology out of my pocket and held it in front of his face. He read it.

'So?' I got the impression he already knew and was prepared for me telling him.

'They pissed me off so I stopped letting them fuck me for a couple of days.'

He looked at the note again, then at me. 'How old?'

'All but one older than me, five or six bigger than you. These three,' I pointed to Bert, Horace and John's signatures, 'had big ones, a lot bigger than yours. I made three hundred and seventy-three dollars off 'em.'

'You whore, you didn't.' At least he hadn't known that.

I smiled. 'When Georgie comes he's tell you about one day when I got fucked eight times in a row.'

He grinned. 'Now, that's bullshit.'

'Just wait. Georgie'll be here in October, second weekend.'

'You're crazy, boy. You must be shitting your pants all the time.'

'Jealous?'

'Of course not. I'm not crazy.'

I smiled.

'Okay, a little. Just don't tell me about it now or I'll fuck up these biscuits.'

He baked his biscuits and two pans of rolls. The rolls were nice, the biscuits were better than my grandmother's.

'You're going to be very rich one day,' I told him later in the living room.

'I hope so. Now, about all that fucking. No, first, let's go into the bedroom. I've got to see.'

Once the door was closed, I lowered my pants and briefs and lay over the bed with my legs off the side. He spread my cheeks.

'Hmm. You're lying about how big they were. Looks the same to me.'

'Try your finger.'

He stuck his finger in his mouth and pushed it inside me, easily. 'Well, well. Maybe. Let's get naked and try.'

'Lock the door.'

'Don't worry. They all know the rules.'

'What about your mother?'

'She knows better.'

'She knows what you do in here?'

'Oh, Malcolm. She's always known. She doesn't like it but now that I'm her boss, what's she gonna do?'

Bobby had pubic hair. I played with it.

'I was thinking of shaving it off but they say it'll just grow back and be worse.'

I lay on top of him and we kissed for a few minutes. He asked, 'Any of 'em kiss as nice as me?'

I almost said Larry but propriety intervened. 'No.'

'Did any of them kiss?'

'A few. Larry and Bert. Larry's just nine but Bert's thirteen and almost a man. He's got one like this.' I held up my hands indicating his five inches.

'How many boys did you have sex with?'

'Fourteen or fifteen, I think.'

'And nobody knew?'

'Lots of kids were doing sex there. We saw three of them jerking off with one kid's sperm. They used to jerk off in the bathroom toilets all the time. One kid did it in the shower every day.'

'But how many were actually fucking?'

'I don't know.'

'How big was the biggest?'

'There were two of them bigger than Bert. Almost like the big boys you had in here.'

'So I'm still the champ?'

I kissed him some more. We did a little sixty-nine. I supposed his cock had grown some but only noticed that fluffy pubic hair ringing the base of his cock with a small tuft over the top. Bobby wanted to get inside.

'I fucked Martin once back in June or July but he said it hurt. He's used to that little thing Steven has. I really need this.'

He pushed slowly in. 'Oh, this is wonderful. Your ass is still great, Malcolm. Oh!'

He lay on me and fucked for a while then stopped and pulled my face to his. We kissed. He moved his ass back and forth, wobbling his cock side to side in my rectum. He knew what felt good. In another year or so, I expected to be able to do the same for him.

He started pumping again, moving his ass up and down as he did, running his cockhead across my prostate. I gripped his hands and kissed them. He pulled loose and pushed a hand under me. He was getting close and wanted to take me with him.

'Oh Malcolm,' he moaned. He masturbated me slowly. His thrusts became sharper, his breathing heavier. His hand moved faster on my cock. I came. He said, 'Oh Malcolm,' again and throbbed inside me.

There was sweat dripping from between us, making me scratch my sides.

'God, I needed that,' said Bobby. 'Lemme see that letter again?'

'It's in my shirt pocket on the chair.'

'Then later. I wanna stay like this for a month.'

We did until Martin knocked on the door. A customer wanted to talk to him.

'Shit, business.'

I lay naked on the bed while he pulled on his shirt, pants and shoes. Martin and Steven came in as he walked out. They laughed quietly.

'First sex in almost three months, huh?'

'Nope, since day before yesterday.'

He pressed for details. I gave up some but didn't mention prostituting myself or the assembly line sex.

Bobby came back in with a paper in his hand. 'I've gotta shower and work. You guys too.'

They had an order for a Sunday party requiring a large amount of spaghetti sauce. Bobby's took over twenty-four hours to prepare. I showered with him.

'You going to be busy all day tomorrow?' I asked as he washed my back and behind.

''Til about two. Then I'm free until Tuesday. Wanna fuck some more? I'm sure Robert would be happy to see you. And Spike? He is my employee but I'll lend him to you. Actually, tomorrow might be his last day unless I can't get someone full time. Mother doesn't like Benny and I don't have anybody else.'

'What are you going to pay?' I had an idea. 'I know a great cook who's working as a maid but if you offer her more, maybe she'll come with you.'

'Who?'

'Freddy's mother.'

'That's your little Negro friend?'

'She was our maid for a while and I eat a lot at her house. She's a great cook.'

'When can I talk to her?'

'Freddy gets off late today, at eight, but he can ask her tomorrow. Maybe she can come over here then.'

'Do it.'

In the morning, Freddy and I showered and went to early Mass with my grandparents then took the streetcar to the turnaround and went over the bridge and down to the stream. We planned to be at his mother's house when they came back from church and tell her of Bobby's offer.

The hideout was coming apart as he'd said. A lot of work was going down the drain but the reason for the hideout didn't seem as urgent. If I had to take off from my house, there were places to go for a few days at a time like Martin's and Bobby's houses. I could probably even go to Georgie's.

The duffle bag was still there but with both the sleeping bag and blankets clean and folded. Freddy had seen to that in June.

'I tried to just leave 'em out overnight thinkin' the air might help but they stunk just as bad so I took 'em to mama and she soaked 'em a couple days which is why they're not the same color any more, and then she washed 'em and dried 'em. I folded 'em up real neat. Smell good, don't they?'

They did. We got naked and played like we'd done since we were six, making things with rocks and sticks in the stream then climbing the tree and sitting in our little look out, looking out over the forest around us, talking about our futures.

Freddy called my grandfather Uncle George. 'Uncle George says I can study anything I want when I go to college. I was thinking about being an engineer, the kind designs buildings and big bridges. What're you gonna study in college?'

I'd never really considered it. My life seemed so tenuous at times I wasn't sure I wouldn't end up like some of the kids over Martin's and Bobby's way, out of school at fourteen. One of the problems with running away was exactly that. It would be the end of my education. Although I hadn't fully analyzed why, it also meant I'd never make a lot of money. The best would be a life like Martin's father, working hard for someone else and earning a salary that allowed me to have a simple house and car. 'I dunno. Depends if I ever go to college.'

'You gotta go to college, Maacum or you're gonna end up poor like Mike's family. He's one of the boys works with me at Edward's. His father paints houses so he can only work when it's not too cold, about eight months a year. His mother's got six other kids to look after. Mike's the oldest, and he's only fourteen, almost fifteen, in November like you, I think.'

'Depends on what kinda shit my father pulls with me. I'm not staying in that house if he locks me up again or starts trying to beat me for nothing.'

'He ain't gonna beat on you any more. You're too strong for that. And if he locks you up, you gotta key. Just go out. Fuck 'im. You gotta go to school. You need to listen to Uncle George. Just a few more years and you can just leave the son-of-a-bitch and go live with him. He'll make sure you go to school and college.'

'That's what everybody says. Just a few more years but none of you have to live with him. A few years is over four years, a long time. I can't stand him if he stays like he was last year, not even for a few weeks. Shit! I don't wanna go back there. He's gonna get a whole bunch of money from Washburn. Why can't he just take it all, even what he's supposed to give me, and just leave me alone, let me live with my grandparents or you?'

We went back across the stream and lay on the blankets. I lay on my side with one leg over Freddy's middle and stared at his face.

'What are you looking at?'

'The way your face is. I really like it.' I ran my fingers across his forehead and nose and lips. 'You're very handsome, Freddy.'

He smiled. 'I ain't gonna let you go kissing me.'

I crawled on top of him. 'Think you can stop me?'

'I'll bite you if you try,' he giggled.

'Get your teeth ready 'cause here I come.'

I lowered my face slowly to his then went fast for a lip to lip kiss. Our lips brushed as he turned his head away. I chomped down on his ear. 'How you like this?' I asked between my teeth.

He reached between and grabbed my balls. 'How you like that. You bite hard and I'll squeeze.'

'What if I bite soft?'

'I suppose I'll squeeze soft.'

I sucked on his ear. He wiggled his fingers on my balls then stopped. 'Go a little lower.' I did. 'That feels kinda ticklish but good.' He pulled my face tighter against his head. I sucked in the bottom half of his ear and stuck my tongue inside.

His dick got hard.

I did some of what I'd done with Georgie, licking and sucking my way under his chin, across his throat, down to his nipple and up under his arm. He raised his arm and said, 'Yeah, Maacum, there.'

I sucked in the soft flesh there and licked him clean of salty sweat. He raised his other arm as I licked across his chest. His cock pressed into my tummy. I couldn't wait any longer and slid down to it, taking it in as I went, going right down to his balls. They were nearly the size of marbles and felt nice in their fluffy sack.

He pushed up into my mouth. My lower lip ran against his puffed perineum. He began pumping. I moved back up and enjoyed the feel of his thickening shaft. Freddy took hold of my head and moved it back and forth as he fucked my mouth. I sucked in hard and cradled his shaft in my tongue. He became more passionate, putting more of his body into each thrust. He came suddenly, pulsing strongly. Within a year, maybe sooner, he'd be giving my some of his protein soup. I hugged him.

'Maacum. It's almost one. We gotta go.'

I looked at his watch. I should have humped his leg or something.

'Jerk me off first.'

He sat up. I slipped between his legs and leaned into him. He held me with one arm and masturbated me with the opposite hand. I reached back and held his head to mine. I came quickly.

His mother was home when we arrived. She hugged me and tried to pick me up.

'Lord, boy, how much you weigh?'

'Ninety-six pounds.'

'Well, I cain't lift you up no mo'. You two is growin'.'

I told her of Bobby's business and his need for a full time person.

'Well, I can talk ta him but first we gonna eat.'

We left a little before three with our tummies happy and full but didn't get to Bobby's until four fifteen. Robert along with Simon was there waiting for me. I shook my head and glanced at Aunt Martha. Robert appeared crushed.

Bobby went into the kitchen with Freddy's mother. She was very impressed with all the equipment he had.

'How old is you, boy?'

'Thirteen, almost fourteen.'

'An' you done all this yo'self?'

Bobby smiled. They discussed money and came to an agreement. Aunt Martha promised to start a week from the next day, Labor Day. They talked for another half an hour.

We sat in the living room with Robert and Simon. I sat tight against Freddy. Robert didn't seem to even notice Freddy was there. Simon, though, asked, 'Who's he?'

Freddy was already part of the neighborhood. His mother would be working there. There was no reason to hide anything. 'He's Freddy, my best friend, that lady's son.'

The expression on Simon's face was difficult to translate, a little confusion perhaps. Freddy smiled and held out his hand. Robert was closer and took it. Simon, out of reach, scratched his head, stood up, and shook it too. I took a deep breath.

'Your mother gonna work here?' asked Robert.

'Yeah. I work at Edward's.'

'How much they pay?' asked Simon.

'Just five a week but we make about twenty-five a week tips.'

'Hmmm.'

I promised to come the next day after lunch. Freddy was off and I wanted to spend more time with him. He would come with me in the afternoon.

I called my grandfather and got permission to stay at Freddy's for the night. All the way home on the trolley then streetcar, Aunt Martha talked about Bobby. She was very impressed by him.

'He's like you, ain't he, Maacum?' she asked out of the blue.

Freddy laughed.

I smiled and poked him in the ribs.

Douglas and two others came over. We played checkers until bedtime. Douglas was good and won most of the games.

Freddy and I had both grown since the last time we'd slept in his bed. It was tighter, fine with me. Freddy had another idea.

'Let's go sleep by the stream. Douglas got a flashlight.'

It wasn't as soft but certainly more erotic. Freddy made a fire. We sat naked inside the blanket, talking until eleven then crawled into the sleeping bag and made love. Freddy fucked me three times before we left the sleeping bag at nearly nine the next morning. I felt better than I had in a very long time.

Aunt Martha was a little put out with us for coming home after everyone else had eaten their breakfast. We admitted talking until late. She looked at us lovingly and fried eggs and potatoes.

It was drizzling when we set out for the streetcar turnaround, pouring by the time we got there, soaking us to the skin. We had to walk in the rain to Bobby's It was warm so the only problem was my shoes. Freddy had on sneakers. Mine were leather. We took them off when we arrived and hung them on the back of his old refrigerator on the warm coil there.

There was sauce left over from Sunday so Bobby made spaghetti for us. It was delicious. Robert and Simon showed up with Spike as we were cleaning the plates. Spike immediately knew what we'd eaten.

'Shit, Bobby, why didn't you save some for me?'

'You didn't say you were coming.'

'But I worked with you yesterday.'

Bobby turned and put his hands on his hips.

Spike muttered, 'Shit.'

I watched him to see how he'd accept Freddy. He walked over to me and felt my arms one at a time. 'Damn, Malcolm,' was all he said.

'Wanna fight?' I asked with a grin.

'Shit, I can still beat you easy.' He shot two soft blows into my middle. 'See?'

I hugged him and asked, 'Who's first?'

Bobby said, 'Don't answer 'til you hear his price.'

Robert said disappointedly, 'Price?'

'He's kidding,' I said.

Robert grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the bedroom with one hand while unbuttoning his shirt with the other.

He'd grown some over the months since we'd been together, even had a small bush of pubic hair. Everybody around me was growing, but not me.

He was as good as I remembered. It was all I could do to keep from cumming. Spike pushed in front of Simon who stood in the door for a moment then left us alone.

Spike had grown too but still had no pubic hair. As usual, he wanted to be blown.

'How come you don't like to fuck?' I asked him.

'You know, I just like it better this way.'

'How do you know? You never tried it the other way.'

'C'mon, Malcolm. Just blow me.'

It was nice. His four inches was a perfect mouthful and nice and thick. After a few moments, he said, 'That nigger's your friend, Freddy, right?'

I lifted off him. 'He's not a nigger, he's a Negro.'

'Okay. He do this with you too? You blow him?'

'That's none of you business.'

He looked around the room then asked, 'He bigger than white kids, down here?'

'Same.' I sucked on his fat glans.

'He fuck you?'

'Spike, none of your business.'

'Shit, I'm not gonna say nothin'.'

'You know what I answer when people ask me what I do with you?'

'Everybody knows what you do with me.'

'Well, if they didn't, I'd tell them none of their business.' I sucked on him some more.

'He gonna bring any of his friends around here?'

'Yeah, me. Shut up Spike or I'll never finish and Simon will come in and kill you.'

'Simon can't beat me.'

'If you don't shut up I'll bite you.'

He laughed and shut up.

His cock delivered some sweet juice. I sucked it all out.

Handsome Simon's cock had grown too. His long, slim, five incher was now longer and thicker. I walked out naked and requested some cooking oil then jumped behind a chair. Bobby had a male visitor. He had the teenager's cock out through his fly and was running his hand all over the man sized tool. He smiled proudly and got me some oil.

When I closed the door, I asked Simon to stand up on the bed. I compared him in my mind to Charley at McFarlane. My camp customer had a prettier face but Simon had the better body. Those pecs drove me wild. After I oiled him up and wiped off my hands with toilet paper from the roll beside the bed, I lay on my back, raised my knees to my ribs and said, 'Like this.'

He seemed a bit unsure how to do it. I showed him. He pushed full in the moment his head popped inside. The view was incredible. Every muscle in the front of his torso moved as he fucked me. His long cock put every nerve ending inside my rectum into a high state of excitement. Oh, how I wished I could have sucked on those chest muscles while he pushed into me. I could see it was hard work for him but he didn't complain. I caressed his sides, back and buns then ran my fingertips over his flexing abdominal muscles. His head was lowered, his hair hanging loose as he watched with me his long shiny cock slide in and out of my hole. I felt my orgasm coming up from deep inside my rectum. It seemed to grow inside before shooting out and up my perineum into my cock. I shook. He pumped harder as my sphincter gripped and released him repeatedly. He sounded like he was humming for a moment. He slammed deep into me. I felt the throbbing as streams of sperm shot into me. I tugged on his hips. He never took his eyes off where we were joined until he fell to his knees and slowly slipped out.

He looked at me and smiled. 'You came too, din't ya?'

I nodded.

'Yeah, I felt it.'

He dressed. I walked out naked with my clothes over my shoulders and my shoes hanging off my fingers. Freddy looked at me and shook his head.

'See what I gotta put up with?' he told Spike. They'd been talking.

I put on my undershirt and sat on the other side of Freddy from Spike. Simon went into the kitchen, probably in hopes of being fed. Freddy explained to me that the boy who had taken Doug's job at Edward's wasn't allowed by his parents to work during school time so there was an opening. Spike was interested.

Before I could say a word, Bobby stuck his head out of the bedroom door.

'Malcolm, c'mere a minute.'

He pulled me inside and closed the door. The teen was lying on the bed with his pants off, shirt on, playing with his big erection. Bobby was completely naked. It was amazing how fast he could disrobe.

'He says I can fuck you while he fucks me but you gotta be on the bottom.'

The boy was nearly a man. He must have weighed a hundred and sixty pounds. 'You'll crush me.'

'Try it. If we're too heavy, you can get out and I'll suck you off.'

'Simon already took care of me.'

Bobby's opened wide. 'He sucked you?'

'No, silly, I came when he was fucking me.'

'Come on. Try this.' He pulled me to the bed. I lay down. He poured some oil on his fingers and wiped it on his cock. He pushed easily in where Simon had been. My hole was a bit tender. I could feel the motion of the teen inserting into Bobby. His hands pressed into the bed on either side of us. He stayed up and pumped slowly but hard. Bobby had to be in heaven with a big cock up his ass and his buried in me, being punched deeper inside with each thrust of his impaler.

Then the teen lay down. I sank into the mattress. Bobby kissed my cheek, probably hoping that would mollify me now that I was under two hundred and fifty pounds of excited boyhood. It wasn't too bad and I enjoyed the thought of what was going on above me. Bobby had to be close to orgasm.

The action went on and on. The teen was taking his time, pausing occasionally, prolonging his fun. The tenderness in my ass disappeared. My cock was ready to go when he started ramming Bobby into me harder and faster. He grunted a few times then stopped. I felt Bobby throbbing. Somehow, he'd held himself until the teen came.

'Fuck me, Bobby,' I pleaded. I was right on the edge.

He said, 'Wait.'

The teen lifted off us. Bobby said, 'Let's turn over. I'll do you like before.'

We rolled over. The teen had gone into the bathroom.

'Turn around.'

I knew what he planned and revolved on his cock until my feet were on either side of his head. He pushed my legs apart, reached for my shoulders to pull himself up. I raised up best I could. Gradually, he doubled over until he had my cock head in his mouth. He rocked forward and down until his lips were nearly on my pelvis. I took a deep breath. This was going to be quick. I held his head where it was and slid my ass ever so slightly back and forth, moving his cock back and forth across my prostate. That's all it took. I fell back and shook as orgasm overtook me. He released my cock and sat up, grinning.

The teen stood in the bathroom door watching us.

Bobby looked at him and asked, 'Don't you wish you could do that?'

He smiled and answered, 'Nah.'

Freddy and I made it back to my grandparent's house by six for dinner. Afterwards, my grandfather sat me down in the living room to discuss how he felt it would be the best for me to behave the next day with my father.

'Your grandmother and I are going to meet them at the train station at twelve-thirty and invite them out for lunch. Even if he refuses our invitation as I suspect he will, I'll find a way to discuss the Washburn situation with him. I've everything written down for him to read including what you and your friends have said happened. I want you to read it over and be sure it is correct.

'Then, when you two talk tomorrow as I am sure you will, you must not argue with him about anything, even if he interprets things differently than how they happened.'

'What if he says it was all my fault? He...'

My grandfather cut me off. 'Malcolm, you can't gain anything by arguing with him. Just be patient. He is going to receive a lot of money, money he needs. Whatever he says tomorrow could change by the next morning. You mustn't argue with him.'

In the back of my head still festered the idea that my father might well be responsible for my homosexuality. The Washburn affair was homosexual. I was certain he would bring that up. 'What if he starts calling me a fag? What am I supposed to do then?'

'Nothing. Ignore it.'

That was the fundamental theme of what he wanted me to do. Just stand there while my father said whatever he was going to say and be silent other than required yes, sirs and no, sirs. I wasn't convinced I could do that.

I read over the two pages my grandfather had written. It was as accurate as possible. There were no exaggerations but it did have a few lines at the end calling Washburn's actions 'rape' and about the 'terrible damage' done to the two boys. I handed it back to him with a shrug.

In bed, Freddy followed up on my grandfather's admonitions.

'Please don't fight with your father. Something terrible can happen.'

He let me kiss him on the lips, even kissed back briefly, mouth closed. There was no real sex that night but a lot of hugging. Freddy was afraid he might lose me. I was determined that would not happen.

Freddy fell asleep. I kissed his cheek and wondered what our relationship would have been like if my father hadn't made into a homosexual. I more and more accepted Georgie's position that people couldn't be born as I was. Something had to make them that way. Since I was sticking things in my butt when I was three, it had to be like Master Gorman told me that German doctor said. Because of how my father treated me when I was really little, I wanted to be like my mother, liking men instead of women, or, in my case then, boys instead of girls.

I tried to remember how long after Freddy and I met that he fucked me the first time then chucked that aside as unimportant. We'd gotten along immediately, and there hadn't been anyone else to play with. If I hadn't been homosexual we'd still have become good friends and I wouldn't have had to worry about being a hate target for the likes of Paul Simpson from my class. I wouldn't have to hide my sexual desires from anyone. And, if Bert was right, I wouldn't be having all these problems with my hateful father.

So there it was, the son-of-a-bitch had made me what I was, what he hated so much. I was the one, not him, who was going to have to live out my life as a pariah, a faggot hated by most of the world. It was his fault, not mine, but he was constantly punishing me for what he'd done.

I squeezed Freddy to me. 'Son-of-a-bitch!' I growled several times in a row, tears of frustration and fury falling.

Freddy stirred. 'Maacum? Huh?'

I kissed his cheek.

'Wha's wrong, Maacum?'

'I don't wanna go home.' I took a deep breath in an attempt to hold my tears at bay. 'He made me this way. It's his fault, not mine but I'm the one getting punished all the time.'

Freddy held me tightly but said nothing. Then he kissed my damp cheek. 'Please don' run away, Maacum.'

We talked about it all though neither addressed the concerns of the other. Freddy warned me that running away would make it worse, that we'd never be able to see each other. I insisted I wouldn't be able to handle my father's abuse for something he caused. Worried sleep came eventually. The bed was damp beneath us in the morning. Sweat dripped from between our tightly entwined bodies. I awakened first. We lay side by side, our arms around each other, legs entwined, sweat dripping from where our bodies were pressed together. Our faces touched, mine slightly above Freddy's, his breath warming my left cheek. I extended my lips and kissed the side of his mouth. He tightened his grip on me and squeezed his legs against mine. Our erections were against each other's pelvis though caused by the normal early morning injection of testosterone rather than any sexual desire.

After breakfast and a short lecture on the negative affects of fighting with my father, I bundled up my money in some dirty clothes and took the streetcar with Freddy to the turnaround. At first, I though to hide the cash in the barn but then decided to stash it in my room where it would be more accessible if I had to get away quickly. I joined Freddy by the stream. He was back on the school year work schedule: Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays four to eight and Saturdays eight thirty to eight with an hour each off for lunch and dinner. I planned to go with him to Martin's for lunch and then hang at Bobby's until five, getting home for dinner, putting off meeting my father as long as possible.

 

Before

For something to do, we cleaned out some of the fallen ceiling from our abandoned hideout. We stripped naked to avoid dirtying our clothes. There was mud everywhere. The worst of the pollution had been cleaned out of the stream by the rain so we could wash off there. Without tools, it was an especially dirty job. After an hour of throwing rocks and hands full of mud down the hill, it was difficult to tell which of us was the Negro. Then we began tossing mud balls at each other.

The stream water was cold. Our balls shriveled into patches under our equally reduced cocks. We hastily got a fire going and hung our butts over it. I got the duffle bag down and laid out the sleeping bag. We made up for the lack of sex the previous night.

Knowing we'd be too late for lunch at Martin's, I bought cakes and a bottle of milk at the supermarket. We ate and drank on the streetcar. The driver gave us dirty looks all the way to our transfer point.

We spent an hour at Martin's talking about return to school the next day. Before he left for work, Freddy took me to Martin's bedroom and insisted I not fight with my father. He kissed me on the lips then hugged me for a long time.

 

'I love you, Maacum.'

 

Martin and I went to Bobby's. Trying to keep my mind off the imminent confrontation with my father, I washed jars Steven brought back and helped pack biscuits Bobby was sending out as samples with the evening's deliveries.

Five o'clock came. I walked home, all the way prepping myself to say nothing no matter how abusive my father might become. At the bottom of the big hill down from Martin's part of town, I began running and didn't stop until I was up and over the hill past my house. Seeing my father's car parked in front made me want to continue on, putting off what was becoming the increasingly frightening prospect of dealing with anticipated abuse.

I walked up the back yard from the street below. There didn't appear to be anyone in the living room. I went through the back door. Adelaide was in the kitchen. She greeted me cheerily, then, 'Dinner'll be on the table in about fifteen minutes so you got time to wash up.'

Sweat was dripping off me. I went to my bedroom and took off my shirt and undershirt. My father called me from his den. I took a deep breath and walked to it and stood in the doorway. He was holding the papers my grandfather had prepared for him.

'You want to tell me what you've gotten into this time?'

I wasn't sure what to say. 'It's all in there.' I nodded my chin at the papers.

'I want to hear it from you.'

That hadn't been contemplated. I told him a short version of what I'd read in our statements. Georgie and I had stumbled across Washburn hurting Michael. He chased us but Harry and Barney jumped him and chased him off.

'So a couple of twelve year olds and a weak eleven your old chased off a full grown man?'

'Yes, sir. There were four of us and Harry had a big stick.'

'Why didn't you tell camp officials or call the police immediately?'

'We were scared. His father's a United States senator.'

'But a year later, when it's just you and this Georgie and you're upset at being moved to a different cabin, you weren't scared any more.'

I remained silent.

'Well, Malcolm, I'll tell you what I think happened. I think you five kids were involved in some homosexual games and Master Washburn caught you. Maybe he participated, maybe not, but, for some reason, he didn't report you. Then, this year, Director Walpole moves you to make space for another boy and you get upset because you can't be with your homosexual partner Georgie. So you two cook up this cock and bull story. Then this older kid and the parents of your homosexual friends saw a chance for a big score. And now, thanks to your grandfather who believes all this crap of yours, I've been dragged into this mess. Sound about right?'

'No, sir.' I trembled but said no more.

'What about what I said isn't right?'

'All of it.'

'You've got balls, boy. I'll give you that. Well, you just think about this. You've probably ruined the life of the Washburn boy. And, smart guy, you might have ruined our life too. If that senator, who happens to be on the Intelligence Sub Committee so he can affect me, finds out, as he probably will, that I'm a defense contractor, that will be the end of your private school and private camp and your nice house because I'll be out of work. So your clever little plan wasn't so clever, huh?'

'It wasn't a plan. Washburn hurt Michael and Barney. He was the one who made them move me so I couldn't be near Georgie. They wouldn't even let me leave the cabin most of the time. He wanted to hurt us for making him leave camp last year. He made it so Michael and Harry and Barney couldn't come back this year.'

'Then why did he let you two come back?'

'He didn't know our names until he saw us when we came in June.'

'That is...' He shook his head angrily. 'Just go to your room and stay there.'

'Why? I didn't do anything wrong.'

'Damn you, boy, you did everything wrong. You are one evil little faggot. Go to your room and don't come out until I call you tomorrow.'

I headed for my room then his last remark worried me. I turned back. 'I've got to go to school tomorrow.'

'You're changing schools.'

My stomach turned to ice. 'Why?'

'I warned you not to cause any more problems. You did, a really big one. Now, go to your room.'

'What school?'

'Norris Academy in Ohio. It's military. Maybe they can make a man out of you.'

'You're crazy. I'm not going!'

'Listen to me you little faggot, you've screwed my life up for the last time. I've given you everything...'

'You're the one who made me a faggot, you son-of-a-bitch!'

He got out of his chair.

'You weren't mad at me about Freddy. You were always mad because your son was a homosexual. Well, you made me the way I am by being a lousy shitty father.'

He came at me and tried to grab me. I knocked his hands away.

'Don't touch me!'

'Go to your room!'

'You're the bad one. You go to your room!' I turned. He pushed me forward. I swung around fists cocked.

'You're pathetic. With all your muscles you're still a sissy. Get moving.'

I wanted to do what my grandfather had said. I knew it was the best, the right thing to do. But I couldn't back down. Hatred was in charge of my body. I stood there.

'You think you're too big for my belt?' He began taking it off.

There were no weapons nearby except in my room, well past the door he could lock. I straightened up and stared him in the eye.

He folded the belt and gripped it. 'Move, boy.'

I stood my ground. I was too far along the railing above the stairs to jump over. It was too much of a drop at that point. He swung the belt at my middle. I charged him, ramming my shoulder right above his groin. He stumbled backward. I turned around and headed out the door toward the stairs. He put his arm around my neck and yanked upward. I kicked back into his legs and swung a fist up at his face. He blocked my fist but took the kick. He squeezed tighter. I couldn't breathe. I grabbed the railing and kicked again. He pulled hard. My throat felt like it was buckling. I let go of the railing with one hand and elbowed him in the ribs. His arm loosened. I elbowed him again and again. He tried to switch arms on my neck. I broke loose and headed for the top of the stairs.

He reached out and pushed me from behind. My weight was too far forward. I fell but held on to the railing. He caught up to me and hit me on the side of the head, ramming my face into the railing. I turned over and kicked at him. He moved out of the way and hit me in the head again. I fell to the floor, one hand still on the railing, but kept kicking wildly, furiously screaming 'son-of-a-bitch' at the same time. He kicked back, catching me in the leg with his first, then missing my leg and getting me square on the jaw. Lights flashed in my head. I fell limp to the floor. I heard and felt him grab me but everything visual was blurred. I forgot what was going on for a moment. By the time I realized I needed to fight, he'd thrown me on the floor. A door slammed shut and a lock was turned.

I got to my hands and knees. It was dark and silent. I heard the back screen door swing closed. It couldn't have been my father. It was too fast. I thought about that for a while before a sharp pain in the side of my head focused me on my body. I hurt in a number of places, though the side of my head was the worst. I tried to get to my feet but a pain in my right thigh negated that. I crawled to my bed and on top of it.

Murder entered my mind. I hurt too much to fight then, but later, when he was asleep, I'd get the biggest knife from the kitchen and stab him a hundred times. Some time later, I heard the lock on the door being opened. It was mother. Apparently, she'd been out.

'Malcolm,' she called as she came down the short hall. She turned on the light and knelt beside the bed, looking me over. 'Are you hurt? Malcolm?'

I turned my face to her and stared. Her expression of worry didn't change so my face didn't look too bad no matter how much it hurt.

'Why must you fight with him? You know you'll just get hurt.'

'He wants to send me to school in Ohio.'

'Wait here.' She stormed out of the room. Seconds later, I heard them arguing. The den door slammed quickly. I couldn't tell what they were saying.

I sat up. I had a terrible headache. I went into the bathroom and put my head

under the tub faucet and turned on the cold water. I shivered for a moment but it helped. I sat on the floor and took off my shoes and pants. Maybe the cold water would help my thigh too. It did but by freezing me more than anything else. I was soon out of the tub and back on my bed. There was no noise coming from my father's den. He was convincing my mother he was right. There was only one thing left to do.

I dressed quickly and pulled out my knapsack then filled it with two sets of clothes plus another set of underwear, socks and the shoes that I'd taken off and replaced with sneakers. I found my flashlight and canteen and cook kit then got the three hundred and sixty dollars out of its hiding place in my desk. I looked around to see if there was anything else. I got my library card out of the desk and the papers with names, addresses and telephone numbers. My thigh hurt as I walked down the back stairs to the kitchen. I stopped as I went down the back stairs to the pantry and went back for the large butcher knife and stuffed it in with my clothes. I noticed Adelaide wasn't there. The dinner was ready to be carried out to the dining room. She'd been the one I heard going out the back door. He'd lost another maid. I cut off a piece of meat loaf, grabbed two rolls and went out the back door. The light was on in his den. He was standing in the middle of the room. I pointed my hand at him like a gun and went 'pow'.

Freddy's seemed like the logical first stop so he'd know what had happened but that would be the first place they'd look when they realized I was gone. Waiting at the streetcar turnaround would also be risky so I went across the tracks and to the far side of the big bridge. My leg was becoming more painful than my head. There I waited for a streetcar from behind a truck in the gas station.

My grandfather would want me to return home and try to work things out, an impossible task. My mother would almost certainly call Martin's. That left Bobby's. On the way, I remembered something Francis had told me a year earlier. I needed to speak to him. Martin could arrange that. Bobby's front door was slightly open when I arrived. He and Martin were cleaning up the kitchen. Both were surprised to see me. Bobby appeared to understand the meaning of the backpack.

'What happened?'

We sat in the living room. I told them.

Martin asked, 'If you run away, what are you going to do about school?'

'I don't know but I'm not going to Ohio.'

Bobby said, 'You can stay here for a few days but the cops are gonna ask around and sooner or later somebody's gonna tell 'em you come here.'

I asked Martin to bring Francis to me the next day after school.

After Martin had left, I asked Bobby, 'Don't you know some big kid from the Westside of the city.'

'I knew one but I haven't seen him for a while. That's not a bad idea. Nobody knows you over there but you can't go out during school hours no matter where you go.'

He offered me some food.

'Thanks, I ate some from our kitchen.'

'Malcolm, you sure you wanna do this? You're just eleven. How're you gonna eat. Nobody's gonna wanna keep you for long. They can be charged with kidnapping, I think. Even if they can't get kidnapping, there's gotta be something they'll be charged with. Your old man's gonna go after you.'

'Then I'll kill myself. I'm not going back to him. Ever.'

Suicide had entered my mind briefly before but I surprised myself with my saying it. Could I do that? Bert and his friends survived in boarding schools. But, they weren't happy. From what they'd said, it was a horrible place for someone like me, especially a military one. No, boarding school was not something I'd accept. Whether I could kill myself or not was an open question.

Bobby moved close and embraced me. 'Never talk like that. I'll take care of you if I have to.'

His mother wasn't living with him. She'd found a man to live with and came to work at the house. We went to bed and made tentative love. Try as he could, Bobby couldn't take to orgasm. We were both worried where all this was leading.

I helped prepare soup and the sauce for coleslaw.

Steven came at three fifteen to get the cart and make his pickups. I stayed hidden in Bobby's bedroom until he left.

Martin arrived with Francis at four, followed moments later by Freddy. My grandmother had told him I'd run away. He'd told her he'd go look but didn't say he guessed I'd be with Bobby.

'You father called the police last night. They won't start looking 'til tomorrow but they gonna find you, Maacum.'

'I'm not going back, Freddy, ever.'

Tears were forming in his eyes. 'Then what're you gonna do? Wheah you gonna go?'

'Francis used to live on the Westside. He knows some people over there, don't you?'

'Gees, Malcolm, it's been over a year. Anyhow, none of them are gonna want to take a runaway.'

'You said you knew kids over there who went with men. Maybe one of them knows somebody.'

'I can go ask but not until Saturday. I can't be away that long after school.'

Freddy was very worried. We went into Bobby's bedroom. The moment the door was closed, he embraced me.

'Ah tole you not ta go fightin' with him. Ah tole you. Now you gonna go away an' when they gits you, they gonna lock you up and ahm nevah gonna see you agin.'

I had no answer to his anguish. I just held on to him as tightly as I could. 'He was gonna send me to a military school in Ohio, Freddy. What else could I do. At least we can see each other some if I'm in the city.'

'But they gonna catch you, Maacum. You know they will. Ahm gonna talk to yo' granpa. He gotta do sumthin'.'

We talked for a couple of hours. At one point, Francis came in to say he had to leave but would come Saturday or Sunday with whatever he found out.

I told Freddy all that had happened. He never let go of me. When it came time to go, he said, 'I'll come 'n' sleep heah tomorra if you want.'

'What'll you tell your mother?'

'That ahm with you. She ain't gonna say nothin'. Anyways, she gonna be heah Monday ta work so she gonna know wheah you are.'

Bobby had no problem with Freddy coming but said that he shouldn't come more than that so others wouldn't figure out I was there. While we all worked in the kitchen, Bobby admonished Martin and Steven, who arrived while Freddy and I were in the bedroom, to not even mention my name outside his house. I worried about ten year old Steven but we were going to have to trust him since he was there so much.

Robert came by around dinner time to see if there were leftovers he could filch. I stayed hidden until he left.

Bobby suggested we bleach my hair blond but then decided against it because it stood out so much. Most kids had hair close to the color of mine. However, he planned to buy me a hat and glasses. I wanted to go for a run but it was too risky. I worked out on the living room floor then took a shower. Bobby joined me. We necked under the water then retired to the bed for sixty-nine. His sperm was sweet as it came. I let him taste a little.

'We can put some in the coleslaw tomorrow, spice it up a little.'

I was still naked when Freddy arrived at eight fifteen. I quickly pulled on my pants.

'You never stop,' he said.

He had called my grandfather just before leaving the supermarket. The police were involved and had my picture. They would be all over Martin's area looking for me. My mother was distraught and spent the previous night with her parents. My grandfather assumed Freddy knew where I was and begged him to convince me to go home.

We shared Bobby's mother's bed and slept as we had that last night at my grandparent's. There was no lovemaking, just a lot of affection.

Friday evening, the teen who'd fucked Bobby while he fucked me knocked on the door. I lay on his mother's bed beating off unsuccessfully while they screwed.

I spend half of Saturday hidden in his mother's bedroom. Several kids showed up along with a number of customers. Lying on the bed, trying unsuccessfully to sleep, I again thought about the unfairness of my situation then got really morose over the even greater unfairness, as I saw it, of being homosexual.

At four, Bobby turned down sex with Fish who had been coming by every couple of weeks since Bobby wasn't going to his house any more. Fish left, accompanied by Spike leaving Bobby and me alone in the house.

Bobby came into the bedroom. 'You oughta see that thing of Fish's now. It's thicker than Kenny's.'

'You still seeing Kenny?'

'He comes by about once a month but he's gotta pay. I don't need the money and he is a great fuck but gotta keep him in line, you know.'

'You like being like we are?' I asked without looking at Bobby.

He sat on the bed. 'Sometimes, I suppose. You?'

I sat beside him, took his hand and pressed my fingers between his. 'It's fun sometimes, but, it would have been better if I wasn't.'

'If there was a pill or something that would make you normal, well, would you take it?' He was looking directly at me.

I lifted my eyes to his. 'Probably, yes.'

We stared at each other. 'Would you?' I asked.

He sighed. 'I don't know. Everybody around here knows about me. I supposed if I could go somewhere else and start over, somewhere where nobody knew me but, then, I wouldn't have any friends, nobody to talk to or anything.'

I said, 'I'd just do it but it would have to make me act normal, too, not like I do now.' I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes. 'Oh Bobby. I wish I was normal but I don't think I ever will be. Freddy used to think I might just change one day but now even he doesn't say that anymore.' I sat back up. 'And look at all this crap I'm in. The real reason my father hates me is because is how I am. Bert was right. He's one of the kids at camp. Freddy isn't the real reason my father hates me. It's 'cause I'm a queer.'

Freddy spent Saturday night with me then left early Sunday to go to nine o'clock Mass with my grandparents. They wanted him to arrange a meeting with them.

Francis came by late Sunday morning with a tall young man I guessed to be nearing twenty.

'This is Frank. He lives over near the park over on Westside. He wanted to meet you.'

That was obvious the moment he saw me. I was shirtless and sweating from working out. His eyes were all over my body. This young man liked boys.

'You the boy needs a place to stay?' He sounded quite normal and fairly friendly.

I wasn't sure how to answer him.

Francis said, 'He's okay, Malcolm. I knew him a little but a couple friends of mine say he's okay.'

I looked at him and said, 'Mmm hmm.'

'How come you ran away?'

I grinned. 'That's a long story.'

'I've got all day.'

Martin showed up as we were sitting in the living room. I had to hide when the knock came but returned when I heard his voice and saw him enter alone.

Martin helped tell the story of my ongoing war with my father. Frank listened intently, shaking his head occasionally. Freddy arrived as we were finishing. I introduced him and explained he was the now well known Freddy in my life.

Freddy had a message from my grandfather.

My father had hired a detective who could well be in the area at that moment. Bobby became worried.

'If I was looking for you, I'd follow Freddy,' he said.

Freddy said, 'I thought of that. I sneaked outta the basement and ran up the alley, then waited to see if anyone was following. Weren't nobody.'

Frank offered to take me home for a few days and see how it worked out between us but with the understanding that I couldn't set foot outside during school hours, the same admonishment Bobby had given.

Bobby thought it best to wait until night and use a taxi from somewhere well away from his and Martin's house.

I was wary and took Francis into Bobby's bedroom. Freddy came along.

'What's this guy like to do?'

'Everything but if you say no to something, he'll listen. The kids I asked like him. He was some kind of basketball star in high school. He works at a warehouse downtown.' He gave me a sheet of paper. 'Here's my telephone number and address but don't come near my house. Call me and we can meet somewhere if you want. The kids at school all know you ran away. Most of them wouldn't say anything but you better not take the chance. Nobody knows I've seen you.

'You know who's worried most about you?' he asked.

'Who?'

'Victor. Can you believe it?'

That news produced my first pang of guilt over worrying friends.

Frank hung around until seven thirty. After hugging and kissing Bobby in his bedroom, we walked the long way around the area, coming out a few blocks in toward the center of town from Martin's. We ended up taking a trolley when no empty taxi appeared.

Frank's house was a narrow brick row house at the end of an alley. If it had had a window on the side, it would have looked out over railroad tracks below and a large park just past them. The house smelled like it hadn't been cleaned for years. The kitchen was a mess. He apparently washed dishes as he needed them. His bed didn't look like it had ever been made. The sheets had been white but were no longer. The view out the windows was clouded by long baked on dirt.

Cleaning it all up would be something to occupy my time.

Then he suggested we shower together. That was the biggest shock, not him wanting to shower with me, but the metal shower stall. It was a splotchy grayish brown with a ring of green mold around the base.

He wanted to wash me, especially my midsection. He all but stuck his finger up my ass. His cock wasn't much larger than John's from camp. If things worked out, I could, with effort, probably take it.

His bed stunk. It was hard to concentrate on the blow job he gave me. The bed would be my first chore.

I didn't sleep much that night. Memories of first nights in YMCA camps surfaced in my mind only to be replaced by anger at my father then frustration at the apparent immutability of my abnormal sexual orientation, an orientation probably caused by the unwillingness of my father to be a dad. He'd never given me a reason to be like him, never, as best as I could remember, ever picked me up, played with me, even talked to me.

I wondered if Frank and I could become friends, close friends. I stared at him beside me. Could he learn to care for me like maybe a big brother? I could give him plenty of sexual good times, even learn to take his big cock up my rear.

Then I began to worry if I could stand those long hours alone in the house, if I could stand to live under the conditions there. In the morning, I gave him five dollars to buy two cans of Ajax, a scrub brush, sponge and mop. He had a rarely used broom and dustpan and a just opened box of detergent he used to wash dishes.

His refrigerator worked but not well. The freezer section was a block of ice. We had fried eggs and bread with butter for breakfast and he headed off to work.

My first job was the bed. I took the covers off the mattress and pillow and hauled them onto his small back porch and hung the mattress over the railing and put the pillow up on the porch roof in hopes sun and air would help a little. They did that annually at the YMCA camp and when kids had wet their bed. I stripped and got into the shower stall with the sheets and washed them three times. I'd never done it or anything like it before but had watched our maids. The sheets and pillow case didn't turn white but got close. With a towel around my waist, I hung them quickly as I could on a clothesline in the back yard.

By midmorning, I attacked the kitchen. I emptied the refrigerator and left the door open so the ice would melt. What had been inside was rotten so I threw it all away. Then I took everything out of two small wall cabinets and, using a towel and detergent, scrubbed them, making a mess on the kitchen floor. While they dried, I washed the three pots and plates, bowls and glasses that had been in them. They looked great when I was done. I had no idea how to clean off the stove's baked on grease so did the sink and countertop. They would need the Ajax to be really clean. By lunchtime, everything but the stove and refrigerator in the small kitchen looked reasonably good. He had peanut butter on the windowsill but the jelly in the refrigerator had mold in it. I had two peanut butter sandwiches and water.

I cleaned the refrigerator inside and out next. It took a while with a kitchen knife to break off the larger chunks of ice, then I heated water on the stove to melt the rest. The coil on the back was caked with dust but the broom and detergent took care of that. By the time Frank got home, all but the top and inside of the stove sparkled.

'Wow,' he said grinning ear to ear, 'I shoulda found you last year when I moved into this dump.'

He hadn't bought the Ajax or scrub brush. I gave him a second five dollar bill and a list to buy food as well. He took me with him. We walked up to the boulevard and took a bus a couple of miles to a new shopping center with an Acme Supermarket in the middle. As we walked in, a pair of boys about my age waved to him.

'Friends?' I asked.

'Yep,' he said almost proudly.

We spent eleven dollars and change and went home with four bags of groceries and cleaning supplies. Some of the food required refrigeration. I was concerned but unnecessarily. When we got back, the refrigerator was sufficiently cold inside. We made hamburgers and boiled, then fried potatoes.

After cleaning up with me doing most, we went up to the boulevard and three blocks up to a soda shop that was very much like Benson's across from the streetcar turnaround. Frank's teenage friends hung there. He introduced me as a cousin who was staying with him for a while. I wondered if they knew what his sexual interests were. They gabbed on about the upcoming basketball season, girls they knew and were screwing or not, somebody's brother who was shot to death on a school playground, and other things that just floated past me. The killing worried me a bit but the rest was just boring. We were there for three hours and fifteen minutes.

On the way home, I asked, 'Is that what you do every night?'

'Boring for you, huh? Nah, just a couple three times a week. We gotta find you some friends.'

We hadn't spoken much in the house. Friends sounded like a good idea.

He sucked me then asked me if I'd mind doing him. 'You don't have to if you don't want. I can put it between your legs, not inside, just between.'

I'd never sucked a man before though I almost did Master Gorman at camp. A cock between the legs felt good. I pointed between my legs. I did use my mouth to slick him up, testing my feelings about fellating grown men. It wasn't all that bad, just bigger. He put an old T shirt under my crotch and lay on top of me. It did feel good against my perineum. He took a while, pumping and moving back and forth then came quietly. I could feel the faint pulsing as he shot sperm all over his T shirt and my balls.

As he was wiping himself off, he asked, 'You want the other kids to know what you like? Francis says you like getting fucked long as it isn't too big.'

'Just with kids that aren't going to say anything.'

'All my kids are like that. So I should tell 'em?'

'The ones you think are all right.'

We showered and went to bed.

As I lay in bed, it occurred to me he had no washing machine.

'How do you wash your clothes?'

'I take 'em to my mother's.'

'You think she'd wash mine too?'

'Hell, no. She don't like doin' mine and I don't wan' her ta know I got a kid livin' with me. You gotta wash 'em yourself.'

I'd never seen anyone wash clothes except with a machine but I supposed I could learn. It couldn't be that different from sheets.

I made my first scrambled eggs the next morning but put in too much salt. The orange juice we squeezed by hand from the oranges we'd bought tasted as good as back home.

With the Ajax and scrub brush in hand, the bathroom was my project for the day. The shower stall was first. It took a couple of hours scrubbing, but finally was shining white inside. The sink and toilet were easier. The floor I thought was black had red and yellow linoleum. When I heard kids voices outside, I knew school was out and wandered up the street. Frank had given me the name of a somewhat distant Catholic parochial school to say I attended if asked. Some kids looked at me but no one said anything. I walked far enough to get lost. He was home when I found my way back.

We went out to find some friends he felt I could trust.

'Don't tell 'em nothing, just that you go to St. Thomas Aquinas. Nobody around here goes there so you're safe saying that. Remember your name is Tom Bailey.' His last name was Bailey.

We walked several blocks across toward city center. He spotted a brown skinned boy sitting on a stoop and waited until he noticed him. The boy responded to his wave by coming our way. Frank took me around the corner from his house.

'Genie, this is my cousin Tom. He's gonna be stayin' with me for a while and don't know nobody around here.'

Genie looked me over. He was about twelve but an inch or so shorter than me. He had dark brown hair and skin as dark as some Negroes though it was easy to see he had none of their blood in him. He was handsome in a rugged sort of way with slightly reddish lips that were probably nice to suck on if he'd allow it. His long hair was straight and combed back in what was called a ducktail in those days. His brown eyes looked hard but smiled easily. He was missing one of his incisors. His handshake was firm. His hands were quite a bit smaller than mine but thicker.

'Who else is around he can meet?'

'Dumpy just went by with Fritz. That's all I seen today.'

His voice had not begun to change confirming what his face told me.

We walked across his street and up to the next corner. Half a dozen boys from seven or eight to about fourteen were sitting on or about a car with no wheels. Frank sent Genie to bring a couple to us.

'Genie Shackleford is a tough kid, good to have for a friend. Nobody fucks with him. Got indian blood in him.'

'Does he do things with you?'

'He just gets done but he's got a great body and a nice dick. Hard to believe he's almost fourteen, huh?'

It was.

He returned with two other pleasant looking boys, one a bit taller though possibly younger. He was Dumpy Keller. The other, Fritz something, had a Polish sounding long last name and was about Genie's size. He was tanned but would probably be fairly light skinned by winter. His blond hair was combed in the same style as Genie's. Dumpy had crew cut hair the color of mine. They both shook hands. Frank led us off to his house where they used up my box of Wheaties and all the milk.

Dumpy went into the bathroom and said loudly, 'Hey Frank, you get married or somethin'?'

'Nah, just ambitious. Got sick of looking at the dirt.'

I was a little miffed until I realized I shouldn't have been around during the day to do the work. Frank smiled at me and made me feel better by saying, 'Tom helped a lot too.'

Genie pulled Frank into the kitchen for a moment then came back out. 'I'm first,' he said and kicked off his shoes. His feet and the insides of his shoes stunk.

Frank motioned for me to join them. Inside the bedroom, he said, 'Genie wants to fuck you, okay?'

I shrugged my shoulders and began undressing. Genie dropped his pants and dirty underwear and waited. His too large shirt covered everything I wanted to see.

'You gonna wear that? It's gonna get in the way.'

Genie grinned at Frank and unbuttoned it. He did have a nice body but it needed a bath. His growing uncircumcised cock had little pieces of something stuck to the tip.

'Wanna shower first?' I asked him.

'I hope you're good,' he said as we went into the bathroom.

His skin had little scars on it but was generally very smooth. He let me wash him everywhere but his behind. He blocked my hand when I went there and said, 'I'll do that.'

His balls were the size of Freddy's marbles but his cock promised to be larger when it hardened. I washed it well expecting it to grow there in the shower but it stayed soft. We went back to the bed where I had him lie down while I lubricated him. A quick roll around inside my mouth caused a near immediate erection. I continued doing that for a while to enjoy his lightly muscled but hard body. There wasn't an ounce of fat on him. His tummy didn't have much muscle tone but it was flat and smooth as a table top. The brown in his middle wasn't as dark as the rest of him. He'd been swimming somewhere.

I let him go and lay face down on the bed. He got behind me and pulled my hips up so he could fuck me on his knees. I wanted to feel his body against mine but this was his first time. He poked all the way in with one push and began fucking right away. Frank sat beside us for a while then got up and watched from behind. Genie's strokes were powerful and poked at or near my sweet spot with every thrust. In a few more months, he'd be a great fuck.

He smacked against me for a while then pushed me down and lay on top of me. The feel of his soft skin on mine enhanced my enjoyment. His hands went under my shoulders. He stopped then continued slowly. I wasn't sure but I thought I felt his cock pulsing. Then, he rolled off me and caught his breath.

Frank asked, 'How was it?'

Genie answered, 'Pretty good.'

I said, 'Thanks.'

Frank sucked Dumpy's long cock, which I would have liked to have had up my rear. I sucked Fritz's short thing. Fritz had a body as good as Genie's but a stubby little cock that sat on a tight ball sack. I sucked it all. He pumped hard and came in two minutes or so.

Frank went to see a friend and sent me off with my three new friends.

Genie said, 'Always stay close to me and won't be no problems.'

Thus started another boring evening. We joined some others sitting on the front stoop of someone's row house and talked about fucking girls, a fight in the park, a woman on the next block who got mad about the kids playing ball in the street and called the cops and reasons why various boys not there were punks or assholes. Genie took me home at nine. Frank wasn't there so we sat on the front stoop. He told me about his drunken father who beat on them each weekend.

'We stay around the corner 'til my big sister says he's in bed. Problem is the cops make us go home after eleven and sometimes the motherfucker don't fall asleep 'til after midnight. Depends what he's drinkin'.'

Genie was the third child of nine. The eldest was his sister, seventeen, who, according to Genie, kept the family together despite his father's violent outbursts when drunk two or three times a week and his mother's loss of interest in her family. His older brother, who was in the state reformatory for burglary, had been arrested a dozen times since from age eight. Genie had been arrested twice, once for burglary with his brother and the other time for breaking the store window of a man who refused to return what he paid for some bad eggs. There were four more boys and two girls, the youngest seven months old. Genie considered himself the protector of his younger siblings even though he didn't spend much time in the house.

'When my old man comes in, I go out' he explained.

I found it interesting none of them discussed their family when all were together yet here, with just the two of us, I was told a family history of misery. It made me briefly re-examine running away. A difference seemed to be that they'd grown up with their problems, had never known anything else. Misery was part of their daily life. I laughed to myself. The son-of-a-bitch should have started beating me younger.

Frank came home at ten thirty and promised me a key the next day. I thanked Genie for staying with me.

'Ain't no never mind,' he said.

Frank stuck his cock between my legs again then we went to sleep, his cum still on my balls.

I washed my clothes naked Thursday morning so all could be done at the same time. It was harder than I expected and not a great job. Again with a towel around my waist, I hung everything out to dry on the two back yard clotheslines. I was still nude when Genie arrived after school and had to lie on the bed for him to relieve his sexual tension.

I spend my afternoons and evenings with Genie and his many friends the rest of that week. They ate at our house, using up the food that I bought at the supermarket when Genie, Fritz and I went out there Wednesday afternoon. I bought enough Wheaties and a few other odds and ends like carrots, which they liked, raw. Wednesday, I called my grandparents and Bobby's from a payphone at the shopping center. It told the kids it was private to my family, which it was, and they stayed away.

My grandmother sounded very relieved to hear my voice.

'Where are you, dear?'

'I'm with somebody and I'm okay so don't worry.'

'Please come see us. You know the police and a detective are looking for you. If you are in the city they are going to find you, especially if you're near your friends around Edward's.'

'I'm nowhere near there. I promise. I can't go to your house yet because there might be someone watching.'

'We can meet you somewhere if you like. We just want to talk.'

'Let's wait a few days, granma. I'll call you back. I've gotta hang up now. I love you.'

I'd been told never to talk for over a minute. If they were tracing the call, that didn't give them enough time. Someone else said three minutes but I stayed well under a minute.

Bobby told me he had been visited by the police and my father's detective. They'd all told him he'd be hauled into Juvenile Court if he gave me any help. The visits had been after three so no one noticed he wasn't going to school.

'But don't worry. I'm here if you need me but don't say anything on the telephone in case they're listening. Send me a note with someone.'

I wanted to arrange to see Freddy. I had Francis' telephone number but decided to wait until the weekend.

Friday night, Genie asked me if I'd like to make some money hustling. I didn't understand.

'That's goin' out on the boulevard or down on the avenue and getting' picked up by fags. I get fifty cent or a buck lettin' 'em blow me. You blow them or let 'em fuck you, it's more.'

I remembered the movie theater. 'Isn't there a movie theater where we can do that?'

He chuckled. 'Not no more. Fire Department closed that firetrap down six months ago. We keep hearin' it's gonna open again but they ain't done no work on it yet.'

We went to the Avenue on the other side of the park. We stood by a wall with three others in a small park where the Avenue curved and watched cars going by. One boy, a small blonde, was picked up minutes after we arrived. An old black Ford stopped and motioned to the eldest among us, a teenager about fifteen. They spoke for a moment. The boy came back and asked me if I was interested in going out with the man.

'If Genie goes too.'

Genie went to the car and negotiated.

He came back and whispered to me, a dollar for him to blow you and seventy-five cents for me. You're new is why it's more.'

The man drove us to an empty lot behind a darkened store. He said his name was John. Genie said about me, 'His too.'

'Let's get in the back, there's more space there.'

I pulled down my pants. He got on his knees and lay across the seat. I was soft. He played with my dick until it grew then went down on me. He was good at it, taking me to orgasm in a couple minutes. I traded places with Genie and he got the same treatment.

We collected our money and were driven back to a block from the little park. The man drove ahead of us and took another.

Genie told me, 'That guy's weird. All he ever does is suck, nothing else. This other queer kid was ready to blow him for just a buck and the guy says no. Ain't that weird?'

I agreed it was weird.

Our second customer drove a two year old DeSoto. He wanted the new face too. Genie knew him. He took us to a motel out the boulevard, parked, went to the office and paid, came back with a key and took us into a room that smelled of mildew and something else I couldn't identify.

While we were waiting in the car, Genie told me, 'This fag likes us to take a shower with him then he'll blow us. He likes to stick his cock between our legs like Frank. I charge fifty cents extra for that. You blow 'im and you can get two dollars. I don't know what he'd pay to fuck. Up to you.'

The man was another 'John'. I again said I was John and Genie called himself Mike. We showered together. He washed us. I let him do everything. Genie let him do all but his ass. The man fingered my hole and said, 'oohh'. He was a little heavyset, sort of like Robert grown up but with a cock I was sure would tear me apart. I let him blow me and charged extra fifty cents for him to get off between my legs.

'What're you guys doing tomorrow? Wanna go somewhere?'

I let Genie handle that. 'Nah, we got somethin' we gotta do. Thanks anyway.'

We had him leave us off near Frank's and went there. I had my key and let us in. Genie looked around at the clean house.

'You did all this din't ya? Frank never cleaned up nothin' in his life 'cept his dick and he don't always do that.' He chuckled at his little joke.

I didn't say anything, a tacit admission he was right.

'You're a runaway, ain't ya? Don't worry. I ain't gonna say nothin' ta nobody. I stayed here oncet last year when I got real pissed at my old man.'

'Why'd you go back?'

'Frank's a pig.'

We both chuckled. I worried my older brother fantasy was just that, a fantasy.

I told him the basics of my story.

'So you thinkin' a livin' here?'

'I'm not going back to my father's house.'

'You ain't even twelve. Truant officer gonna get you eventual. Somebody's gonna rat you out. People 'round here 're all nosey as shit.'

'Then I'll have to figure out a way to make them think I'm in school.'

'This fag's gonna take us out to some river tomorrow. Wanna go?'

The man's name was Bill though nobody believed it was his real name. He regularly took kids from the area on trips out to the countryside where they ate a picnic lunch and swam when it was warm enough.

I asked Frank about him when he arrived after eleven that night.

'He's sort of okay, thinks he's somethin' special 'cause he's got money and a car. I could have kids like him if I had a car, and money. I got a couple a kids comin' over tomorrow night. I kinda wanna be alone with 'em so stay out until about nine, okay?'

Frank screwed me between the legs after we went to bed and fell asleep with his T shirt wrapped around his dick. I cleaned up in the bathroom and wiped off the sheet. In the morning, I washed it and hung it in the back yard to dry.

Bill, as he called himself, was a dark haired muscular young man of medium height about thirty with a Ford station wagon. He wore thick glasses and squinted a lot. His very correct English indicated a good education. There were six of us including Genie, Fritz, Dumpy and two others I hadn't seen before. One, who appeared more attractive each time I looked at him, might have been one of the hustlers in the park the previous night. His blonde hair had caught my attention but he'd been picked up before I had a good look.

I learned the two new faces were Sammy and Junebug, eleven and thirteen respectively. Sammy was slight with whispy blonde hair and a beautiful face. His blue eyes were like beacons. He looked much too fragile to be hanging around with the rest of this bunch. Junebug was a hard looking boy who nonetheless smiled easily. His tough, broad, freckled face didn't seem the type a man seeking pretty boys would be interested in. His short sleeved shirt showed biceps one wouldn't expect on so small a boy. I was at least an inch taller than him but didn't have his broad shoulders or thick neck. Sammy, on the other hand, also not as tall as me, couldn't have weighed more than sixty pounds.

Bill got my name and learned I lived with Frank. That seemed to bother him somewhat. He asked the others how they were doing in school and at home like he was a counselor of some kind. We bought food at the supermarket where I'd purchased what was in our house and rode for about an hour out into the country to a remote spot by a metal bridge above a thirty to forty foot wide stream. I attempted to strike up a conversation with Sammy but he seemed either too shy or following Bill's example of avoidance.

Carrying the food and swim gear including a couple of inflatable rafts in three knapsacks Bill carried in his car, we walked down by the water then up a path to a large rock formation beside a small open area with evidence of numerous prior camp fires. Everyone stripped off their clothes and awaited a swim suit. Junebug's attraction for Bill became clear as his pants fell. He had a growing uncircumsized cock that probably reached four thick inches when hard and a pair of balls the size of shooter marbles. His body was not as well formed as his arms but there wasn't much fat either. Sammy, still physically a little boy, was as slight as he looked and sported a very average but nicely formed circumcised cock, the only one in the group aside from mine.

Bill checked out my body carefully and handed me a tight fitting suit that barely fit. My cock and balls were squeezed to a point of discomfort. I noticed the others were also tight but not as much.

'You got another suit for me? This one's too tight.'

He looked through his bag but there was nothing.

'Swim naked if you want. There's nobody else around here but us.'

I wasn't sure if the suggestion was due to his coolness toward me because of my connection with Frank or a genuine lack of bathing suits. It didn't really matter. I'd always enjoyed the feel of the water at the YMCA against my bare body. I took off the suit, handed it to Bill, ran to the water's edge and dove in. It was refreshing but cold. My cock and balls shriveled up smaller than the suit had made them.

Bill did warm up to me in the water. I was the best swimmer and strong enough to enjoy the horseplay. He was as strong as he looked, easily lifting me and tossing me out into the water. It got horsier as the morning wore on. Genie came up behind me in the water with his suit down and poked me in the rear with his hard on. I tried to get him inside but cold water isn't much of a lubricant. I dove below the surface and mouthed his dick for a moment.

Others noticed what we were doing and shortly everyone was on the shore looking for some sexual attention that Bill was happy to provide. Unfortunately for Bill, word circulated quickly that my posterior was available. Only Sammy and Fritz, the two smallest organs, went to him for service. Genie and Junebug took turns blowing up one of the inflatable rafts. Everyone was naked at that point.

Bill watched rather than sucked as I lubed up Genie with my mouth then lay belly down to receive him. As before, he pulled my hips up and pushed right in. He banged away. Bill felt my dick. Finding it quite erect, he massaged it between his fingers then slid them back between my legs to feel Genie's cock slip in and out of me. I think the audience made impossible what had been difficult in private. Genie slugged away for probably ten minutes then faked an orgasm. I felt sorry for him. Dumpy jumped in immediately and stuck in his dry cock. There was significant lubrication due to the length of Genie's fucking but not enough to prevent pain. I rolled away quickly.

'Wait a minute. That hurt! You gotta get it wet first.'

He started to make a remark but a look from Genie stopped it like a lasso on a heifer. Bill did the honors and Dumpy tried again. My anus still stung from his attempted dry entry but his slim four plus inches felt so good inside, I forgot it. Bill pushed his hand in again. I had to pull him to me and whisper in his ear, 'Please don't touch my dick too much or I'll cum.'

He smiled and patted me on the shoulder. Dumpy's cock was the perfect length and diameter to excite my prostate and the entire inside of my rectum. He lay on top of me and pumped at a moderate rate, thrusting harder as he went along then very fast at the end. He went rigid and throbbed like he was firing off something though it couldn't have been much based on his ball size.

Dumpy's fucking had felt great but my attention was split between what was going on inside my rectum and the vision of beautiful Sammy sitting naked with his little hard on and his blue eyes fixed on the action.

Junebug was nice but too rough, a bit like Steve at camp before I tamed him. He came quickly. Fritz tried and ended up with what was probably another fake climax. Sammy, to my chagrin, was done by Bill.

Bill covered Sammy and me with Coppertone so we could remain naked as we ate. All but Sammy and I sunned themselves afterward. We sat under a rock overhang and talked. I found him very attractive.

'Where do you live?' I asked.

'A block and a half from you, up the alley and down the street in the house on the corner where the little novelty store is. We live on the second floor.'

'How old are you?'

'Eleven, you?'

'Eleven. What grade are you in?'

'Third. I was sick a lot.'

'What'd you have.'

'Lots of stuff. Meningitis, hepititis, some kind of infection in my kidneys.'

I knew very little of the first two and couldn't imagine the third causing him to lose three years of school.

He said, 'You're not from around where we live. Where's your family live?'

'I'm kind of an orphan, car wreck.' Dead parents seemed the easiest kind.

'So how come you're with Frank?'

'He's the only one would take me.' I needed to tell Frank all this.

'I'm kinda an orphan too except my father's alive in prison. But my mother's dead. I live with my aunt. She works in the store downstairs. What grade are you in?'

'Seventh.' I had to explain why I was so far ahead of him.

'Does Frank fuck you?'

'Unh uh.'

'How come you let them do it?' He pointed at the boys lying on the ground.

'It feels good.'

He stared ahead for a minute. 'Are you a fag?'

'Sorta, I suppose.'

'You let men fuck you or suck them?'

'Neither.'

'What's it feel like when Dumpy and them put it in you?'

I began to suspect interest. 'Pretty good except for Junebug. He did it too hard.'

'Did you ever let them shoot sperm into your mouth?'

'Mmm hmm. You?'

'Oh, no. I don't do that.'

I asked, 'You like it when they suck yours?'

'Some. Bill does it pretty good. But he always wants to take kids like Genie and Junebug.'

'You don't like Genie?'

'I don't know. He just seems awful mean.'

'He ever do anything to you?'

'He wanted me to suck him once when we were with this other fag.'

'Did you?'

He sighed. 'A little.'

'You wanna come to my house after we go back?'

'I can't. I gotta watch the store when my aunt goes shopping.'

'Tomorrow?'

'Whatta you wanna do?'

'Nothing. Talk. Go out and do something. Go to the park or something. I've never been to the park.'

That idea seemed to energize him. 'Okay, I'll show you the park.'

He told me about the swings, teeter totters, jungle gym and the great sand box.

With the food all tucked away in our intestines, we swam and paddled about on the two rafts. Junebug tried to fuck me on one so I turned it over. We wrestled playfully in the water. Strong as he looked, I was more powerful. He seemed puzzled by that.

Dumpy and Junebug fell asleep on the way home. Bill had me up front with Genie. He asked me where I was from, about my family, why I lived with Frank, where I went to school and what grade I was in. I gave the same answers I'd given Sammy. I don't think he believed me. He invited me to go with him again the following Saturday.

Genie went home with me to eat. I apparently had better and more food than was available at his house. We made eggs and hamburgers.

I learned the terminology of seeking men for sex. What we did was called hustling or, if you went with some guy regularly, it was called going out. All the men were fags, a term I resented.

We went with two more that evening. The second wanted us to spend the night with him. Genie wanted two dollars extra each to do it.

'That means one of you will let me go in your backside?'

'Not me,' said Genie definitively.

'Me neither,' I answered.

It was nearly ten so we went to my house. The lights were out so I figured Frank had finished and left with his two boys. We went in to wait. He wasn't back by eleven thirty. I suggested Genie had better go home.

'Nah, I can stay here if you want, so you won't be alone.'

He fucked me again and we slept.

Frank didn't come home all night. Genie said not to worry. He was like that, probably at some friend's house. I didn't feel as sure.

We had a breakfast of eggs and toast we made on a spatula over the stove. Sammy showed up as we were toasting and ate with us.

We sat on the back porch and discussed men Genie and Sammy had gone out with. They had an entirely different perspective.

'I can get John with the green Dodge to give me a dollar every time by telling him it's for my mother,' said Genie about one.

Sammy described another. 'Tom with the convertible? He promised to take me to the movies if my aunt lets me go out one night.'

Genie talked about the money. Sammy talked about the men.

'That fuck, the John with the gray Ford, best he ever gives is fifty cent and he wants to stick it between your legs. I never let him do that for fifty cent.' I was surprised Genie would let anyone do that for any amount.

'That's because John's poor', explained Sammy. 'You see how he never drives around and around? That's 'cause he can't pay for the gas.'

After making ham, cheese and tomato sandwiches and finishing off the milk, we went to the park. Genie watched, then got into a discussion with some teenagers while we played on the swings and jungle gym.

About mid afternoon, Genie walked quickly from the group he'd been with to tell us, 'They said Frank got busted in a stolen car last night with Vinny Castellano and two kids. They got him at the precinct up near the shopping center.'

A blanket of fear swept over me. I had nowhere else to go but back to Martin's area where they were watching for me. The police might come to Frank's house to search it. Everything I had was there, including my money. If they found it, they'd probably figure it was stolen and take it. I only had a little over five dollars in my pocket.'

Genie knew what was on my mind. 'Lemme ask around for someplace you can stay for a couple days.'

'We gotta get my stuff out of the house now.'

'Okay, c'mon.'

Sammy didn't want to go near Frank's house so went home.

There were a couple of women sitting on stoops and three small kids playing with dolls when we entered the alley. Inside, the house looked undisturbed. But, someone had been there. Fear became terror. The contents of my knapsack were dumped on the bed. I searched frantically but the money was gone, all of it. All I had was the five dollars and change in my pocket.

Genie saw the panic in my face. 'What's missing?'

'My money.'

'You left money here? You're crazy. C'mon, we gotta get outta here.'

In a haze, I gathered my belongings and stuffed them into the knapsack. I looked under the bed for my leather shoes but they were missing too. I felt like crying. I needed food. We went downstairs to the kitchen to see what was left. The refrigerator was empty. They'd even taken the carrots and two eggs that had been left.

Genie said, 'Whoever came in here had a key.'

'What?'

'Whoever came in had a key. Nothing's broken. Look at the door and the windows.'

He was right. I went to the front of the house then back upstairs. Neither front nor back windows were broken.

I sat dejected on the bed. Genie sat beside me and put his arm over my shoulder.

'You can't go trusting nobody around here, especially a motherfucker like Frank. I don't know this kid told you to stay with him but he din't do you no favor. Frank's mother kicked him outta her house for stealin' from her, his own mother. I steal when I get the chance but I don't steal from my friends and I sure as shit don't steal from my own mother.'

I'd been stealing from my mother and father for years. I wondered if he was telling the truth.

'You really think the police are going to come here today?'

He thought about it. 'Maybe not. It's Sunday afternoon. Nah, they won't come 'til tomorrow if they come. They might not even come. If it was just a car they stole, maybe not. You can stay here tonight. I'll go ask around and see if there's someplace you can stay tomorrow. Maybe one a the fags?'

'They let kids stay at their houses?'

'I never done it but maybe if you say you ain't got no place ta stay.'

'Can we hustle tonight?'

'Shit, you can hustle any night. They're around every night, even afternoons sometimes.'

'Now?'

'Not so much now. About five or six. Maybe you can get one a them to buy you somethin' ta eat.'

We heard the front door open. I grabbed Genie and pulled him into the bathroom. Someone walked to the back of the house, into the kitchen. There were no voices. If it had been the police, there would be at least two. The footsteps came up the stairs. The door opened. It was Frank.

He smiled. 'Who're you guys hidin' from?'

'Where's my money?' I asked angrily.

'What money?'

Genie pushed him back. 'Tom's money you stole out'a his stuff.'

'Hey, I hadda make bail. I just borrowed it. I'll give it back when I get paid.'

'And my shoes?'

'Hey, I din't take no shoes. Vinny's brother come to get the money for bail. You gotta talk ta him 'bout that.'

'He took the food too so what're we gonna eat?'

'I don' know but you gotta find someplace else ta stay. Fer sure my probation officer's gonna be here in the mornin' an' you can't be here.'

He wasn't going to be my benevolent older brother.

'You motherfucker,' growled Genie, 'You steal his money an' now you're throwin' 'im out?'

'Hey, what'm I s'posed to do? Go ta jail for some kid 'cause he's got problems? Fuck, no. He can stay tonight but he's gotta be gone by seven 'cause the man comes early, before I go ta work.'

'When do I get my money?'

'Friday when I get paid.'

'Wait a minute,' said Genie, 'You just got paid Friday. Where's that money?'

'I gotta eat, don' I.'

'You better watch your ass, Frank, 'cause somethin' could happen ta it real soon. C'mon, Tommy. Let's get the fuck away from this motherfucker.'

'Hey, it's not my fault I got busted yesterday?'

'Fuck you, Frank. Don't come aroun' my way.' He stopped. 'You owe Tommy a hundred dollars fer cleanin' up your shit hole house so that's plus a hundred you owe and you better pay, faggot motherfucker.'

The moment we got outside, Genie said calmly, 'Think I scared his ass?'

I'd thought he was really angry. 'I hope so. I need that money. We've gotta find a place for me to sleep tonight.'

We hustled. No one came by for nearly an hour. A heavy set man in a Buick drove by twice. Genie waved furtively but told me he liked older kids who could cum. The man didn't come back.

Another he knew drove by in a pickup. He took us to a cheap motel south of the city and blew us. We negotiated fifty cents more for him to get off between my legs. He couldn't have anyone at his house. He didn't say why.

Genie turned his back when the next car passed looking. He pulled me with him. 'He's a real asshole. I don't wanna go nowhere with him.'

I asked why.

'The lyin' motherfucker tole some kids he fucked me.'

It was another twenty minutes and dark before we were checked over by a young man in an old black Ford. He stopped down the block. Genie said he'd seen him around before but had never gone with him and didn't know what he liked. We went to talk.

'Hi, you, a looking for somebody?' he asked

'No, we just thought you was lost or somethin'.'

'No, just driving around. What are you guys up to?'

'Nothin'. Okay, see ya.'

Genie pushed me back from the car and walked us down the street.

'He ain't no fag. Maybe a cop or from welfare. Let's walk normal.'

He led me off the boulevard and down into the small streets feeding it. The car didn't follow us.

'Cops got your picture?' asked Genie.

'Yes.'

'Then they ain't looking fer you here or he's welfare or juvenile, probably welfare.'

That was chilling. Getting caught was one thing. Getting caught hustling homosexual sex was another entirely. I wasn't sure I wanted to do it anymore.

'Can you call that guy Bill?' I asked

'Nah, none of 'em I know gives their telephones but he usually comes around during the week. We just don't know when. Let's go down to the Avenue. Maybe that guy won't go there.

I needed to take a shit. We went back in the woods. I wiped myself with some trashed business forms we found.

A man Genie knew passed by us then stopped as we were walking.

'That's Mike. He might let you stay a couple days with him. He don't work. Got disability or somethin'. But you gotta blow him. He'll do most anything you want for a good blow job. Up to you.'

He was middle aged, decent looking and clean. I figured I could blow him for a few nights lodging.

'Hey, Mike,' greeted Genie when we got to the car, an old Dodge.

'Who's your friend?' asked the man with a smile.

'This is Tom. You wan' us to go with you?'

'Sure, get in.' He held his hand out to me as I entered. We squeezed with him into the front seat, me in the middle.

Genie raised his eyebrows and made an upward nod of his head, seeking my decision regarding blowing this man or not. I nodded yes.

Mike asked the standard questions as we drove. I gave him the standard answers. We went to his second floor apartment twenty minutes away on the outskirts of the city. He walked with a heavy limp as though his right leg was shorter than his left. His place was small but clean and orderly with a nice kitchen off to the side of the dining room, living room combination. We went straight to his bedroom. Genie took off his pants and lay across the bed. I followed suit. Mike sat between us and played with our soft penises.

Genie sat up and said softly, 'For the right price, Tommy blows.'

'How much?'

'Two dollars.'

'Whew, that's too much. He must be awfully good.'

'Maybe if you let him sleep here, he'll do it for less.'

'Gees, guys, I can't have anybody here these days. Problems with the landlord. So, two dollars, huh? You real good?'

'He done me. Almost blew my dick off.'

I smiled.

'Okay, but two only if you're real good. You gotta take it all when I shoot, okay?'

'I nodded but worried what his sperm would taste like. Frank's had a nasty smell to it.'

He took off his pants and asked me to take off my shirt. His circumcised cock was hard when it came out of his underwear. It was about the same size as Frank's but Mike's body was hairier. There wasn't any bare skin in sight.

I got on the floor between his knees. He had small balls. Maybe there wouldn't be as much cum as Frank. I took the head in my mouth. It felt different from those of John and Horace, the two biggest boys at camp, not just thicker but a bit spongier. Mike lay back.

I sucked on the head for a few moments then went down as far as I could, two thirds of the shaft. He took a deep breath. Genie grinned at me. I went up and down then off and down the shaft to where the hair sprouted from the base. I pulled his cock down and went around it with my lips gradually going back to the head and sucking him in again.

Mike sat up on his elbows and watched me. I went down and ran my tongue around the shaft while sucking in my cheeks against the sides. I figured he'd received enough foreplay and began running my mouth up and down, sucking hard. He reached out and held onto my shoulders then my back. He lasted another two minutes. The swelling was more than I expected. The cock head no longer fit between my upper teeth. It was difficult to avoid scrapping his skin. He fell back and came. It tasted awful, and kept coming. I swallowed fast as I could. I concentrated on the two dollars I would receive, the same as I'd charged for this at camp but with much sweeter tasting results.

As soon as he started to soften, I stood up and asked for his bathroom. When rinsing didn't help that much, I took a shot of his Colgate toothpaste and swirled it around in my mouth while looking at myself in the mirror. There I was, a muscular whore. I hadn't been away from home for two weeks and was already homeless and nearly broke. But I was still surviving.

I was also hungry. Mike fed us sandwiches and milk.

I got permission to use my customer's telephone and called Francis.

After telling him what had happened and listening to a stream of apologies, I asked if he knew of anyone else.

'There's this little kid I met a couple of times who lives near Frank. Maybe he knows somebody. His name's Sammy and...'

'I know him. I don't think he does. He was with us this afternoon and didn't say anything. You know a kid named Genie?'

'I met a few of them but I don't know their names. What are you going to do?'

'I dunno. Tell Martin to tell Freddy I'm gonna call my grandfather Wednesday afternoon so be there.'

Mike took us back to the Avenue where we were picked up once more but just for back seat BJ's as Genie called blow jobs. The guy was too smelly for me to suck and wouldn't have provided shelter anyway. I'd earned three seventy-five and some food but still had no place to sleep. It was almost nine o'clock when we got back to the Boulevard near Frank's.

Genie said, 'Looks like you gotta sleep in the park tonight but we'll find someplace tomorrow.'

'The park, outside? I can't do that. There's gotta be somewhere. I can sleep on the floor.'

'But Tommy, ain't nobody gonna let you stay at their house aroun' here. My father'd just throw you out.'

'What about Dumpy and the others?'

'Them neither but you'll be okay in the park. I slept there before. Ain't gonna be that cold and the grass is comfortable. Just find some cardboard and put it around you.'

'Can't you come with me?'

'Naw. I been away from the house since Friday. I gotta get back. Anyway, I got school tomorrow.'

'I thought your weren't going to go tomorrow.'

'Naw, I better go but we'll find you a place tomorrow, don't worry. Just stay away from where we were this morning. There's bad kids down there. Stay up near the woods.' He patted me on the shoulder. 'I gotta go. Just come to the hustling park tomorrow at about three thirty. And I'll ask around school for a place too.'

Panic rose inside me. Genie patted me on the shoulder again and walked away. I was alone, really alone.

I looked up and down the Boulevard in hopes of spotting a man looking for a nice warm boy. I was available. I walked up and down for what seemed like hours. No one came by. I considered trying to sneak in to Bobby's but there were no busses at that hour, or taxis if I could have afforded one. I walked down the alley where Frank lived and stood in front of his door. I still had my key. I quietly opened it and went to the sofa.

Frank awakened me in the morning when he went through my pants for the key. I grabbed his hand, unsure what was happening.

'Gimme the fucken key. I ain't goin' ta jail for you.'

'I looked at his angry face. 'Gimme my money and I'll give you the key.'

'Hey kid, I can take it.'

I wanted to fight him rather than give in but couldn't afford the torn clothes the surely would have resulted. I threw it on the floor.

'If I don't have my money Friday, I'm gonna get you Saturday.'

I snatched up my backpack and walked out, swinging the door open violently.

My stomach asserted itself. I found a diner a few blocks up on a commercial street and had breakfast for eighty cents. Fearing a policeman with my picture spotting me, I walked down to the park and sat on the side of a hill below the woods and watched squirrels chase each other from tree to tree.

Later, I walked down to the Avenue below the park and bought an apple and a banana from a horse drawn cart for eight cents then two rolls from a bakery for five cents. A police car drove by as I was leaving the bakery. I ducked back inside and feigned looking at their cakes.

At two forty-five, I was in the little triangular park on the Boulevard sitting behind the lone tree there. A man drove around the park and nodded at me. I walked to his door.

'Wanna go for a ride?'

'Where to?'

'My place, about fifteen minutes from here.'

'I gotta be back by three thirty.'

He looked at his watch. 'We can make it.'

'How much?'

'Depends.'

'On what?' I looked around his car for evidence he wasn't what he was supposed to be.

'What you wanna do.'

'Whatta you wanna do?'

He grinned. 'Don't worry, I'm not a cop. Blow job okay?'

'Dollar.'

'Fifty cents.'

'Okay, seventy-five.'

'Get in.'

He drove quickly to a row house just on the other side of downtown. We did the usual questions and answers. He said his name was Bill. He seemed a nice enough guy. His small two story brick front row house looked very lived in with lots of pictures and knick knacks. We went quickly to his bedroom. I dropped my pants and sat on his bed. He pushed up my shirt.

'You've got a nice body.'

He pushed me up on the bed and lay on his side head to toe with me. He pulled my crotch to his face and sucked me in. As he rolled my dick and balls around in his mouth, his hands slipped around to my behind and squeezed my cheeks like they were rolls of toilet paper. He used them to pull me in and out of his mouth. I got the idea and fucked his face. He rolled on his back. I ended up on top of him with his crotch in my face. A lump poked up from beneath his fly. I moved my head away and pumped, wanting to get off as quickly as possible in order to make my appointment with Genie.

When I came, he stopped sucking and shifted my cock beneath his tongue and played with my balls.

'Bill, I better get back. I promised my friend I'd be there at three thirty.'

'You're gonna let me get off, aren't you?'

'How?' I didn't like the tone of his voice.

'I mean, you sound like you're the type to give blow jobs yourself.'

'It's two dollars.'

'I didn't say fuck, I said suck.'

'I know. It's two dollars and we gotta do it fast or I won't have time. I gotta get back or I won't have any place to sleep tonight.' It fell out of my mouth. I felt like an idiot but hoped he wouldn't think too much about it. Of course, he did.

'You a runaway?'

'Look, sir, I've gotta get back. Please take me back.'

He sighed. 'Okay, two dollars.'

I sighed. 'Quick.'

His cock was bigger than Mike's. I got back on top and went down on him immediately. He twiddled with mine while I worked hard and fast on his. He licked my perineum. I remembered the shit I'd taken the day before and imagined my hole wasn't very clean. He must have noticed because his tongue returned to my balls.

It took him at least five minutes to cum. It was as bad as Mike's but all I had time for was a quick rinse. According to his wristwatch, we were back at twenty to four. Genie was waiting. He and Bill knew each other.

I told Genie where I'd slept.

He laughed and said, 'You got balls, I'll give ya that.'

He had no good news on a place to sleep. I wished I'd have asked Bill until Genie explained that his mother lived there too and worked during the day. Bill didn't work at all.

Genie told me to hang around the park. He was going to talk to a kid he knew a few blocks away. 'If you can make some cash, do it. I'll wait.'

No sooner had Genie walked away than a police car drove by. I acted like I was adjusting my backpack but he didn't seem to take notice of me. I stood back from the street and watched more for cops than customers.

Two cars drove by and looked, one twice but didn't stop. Genie was back an hour or so later. The kid wasn't around. We sat on the wall at the wide end of the park. Two more boys our age joined us. They knew Genie. They had a date at five. The man came, looked me over and drove off with the two boys.

Sammy came by on his way home from running an errand.

'You still at Frank's?' he asked.

I told him what had happened and asked if he knew a place I could sleep for the night, on the floor if necessary.

'Promise not to touch anything and I can let you in the store about eight or nine. I do my homework there so just knock on the window.'

I wanted to hug him. 'Is there any place I can take a bath or a shower and wash my clothes?'

'Unh uh. It's just a novelty store. It doesn't have a bathroom or water.'

I told him I'd be there before nine and returned to hustling in hopes of finding a man who would trade a good blow job for a shower and use of his washing machine. It turned out to be more difficult.

He drove a station wagon with wall papering paraphernalia in the back. Genie explained my needs. The man said he could help, even feed me but wanted a 'crack at your crack' as he smilingly put it. It took me a moment to understand. He said his name was John. I guessed him to be forty to fifty years old but he was bald so I was probably high by half a decade or more. He wasn't very tall, perhaps five feet eight or nine inches.

'I ain't that big down here,' he said pointing at his crotch as he drove, 'and I know how to put it in so it don't hurt.'

A look to Genie for advice only brought a brief shoulder shrug. 'I don't think so,' I said.

There had to be some water someplace where I could wash myself and my clothes.

This John had a row house on the far side of the city in an area that looked a lot like where my friend Louis from the YMCA lived, an area where boys hustled. We drove along the streetcar tracks and passed one that was headed back to the turnaround down from my house.

He drove into an alley between row houses and pulled into a concrete back yard behind his. He had us help him unload all his gear and take it into the basement where I saw his washing machine with its wringer. Upstairs was sparsely furnished except for the kitchen, which was quite complete with more electric appliances than ours. The second floor bedroom was set up for sex. There were mirrors on the ceiling and wall, a dresser drawer full of pornographic magazines and a jar of Vaseline and roll of paper towels beside the large bed.

Genie had been there once before. He went straight for one of the porno magazines. Desperate for a bath and clean clothes, I asked to see the man's cock. It was no larger than Frank's. John pitched his case.

'First, we use a lot of Vaseline and do it real slow. I can make it just hard enough to go in then it gets bigger inside you. And I fuck slow so it don't hurt. Then you can put your clothes in the machine and shower and we can eat.'

'Can I sleep here tonight?'

'Are the cops looking for ya?'

'Not much.'

'Okay, but just for tonight. You too Genie?'

Genie answered, 'Naw, I gotta go ta school in the morning. Why don't you do me first so I can get home.'

I got the impression Genie didn't want to be left out of what small cash earnings were to be had. However, once Genie was gone, I'd be, to a great extent, at the mercy of this man. Would he stop if it hurt too much?

'Genie, why don't you stay a little until we're done. It won't be that late.'

'Listen, Tommy,' said the man, 'I promise, if it hurts a lot, I'll stop but I know how to do it so it won't so don't worry.'

I worried.

He sucked off Genie and took him home. I made sure Genie would remember to let Sammy know I wouldn't be coming until the next day. With my clothes in the washer, I took a long hot shower, the best I'd had since leaving home, then sat around naked looking at uninteresting porno magazines. Naked women with fur over their vaginas and great hanging breasts did nothing for me. I wore one of his shirts to cover my naked genitals while hanging my washed and wrung clothes on a pair of clotheslines strung across his back porch.

I worried about what was to happen when the man returned.

There was a positive side to this. If I could learn how to take big cocks in me, I could make more money and arrange a more comfortable, if not stable, life. Anyhow, my father had taught me how to handle pain.

By the time John returned and took off his clothes, I had a more positive attitude.

He told me to lie down on my belly while he covered his cock with Vaseline and spread a finger full between my buns. He lay full on top of me and put the head of his cock against my hole. He pushed the tip in just enough so he could take his hand out. He wiped off his fingers with a paper towel and breathed heavily.

'This makes it get a little smaller,' he explained.

It worked because he had to slide forward bit by bit to maintain the head in my pucker. Then, he pushed a little more inside. It was uncomfortable but there was no pain. Even the discomfort disappeared after a few moments. He waited then pushed again. It was the same. The next time hurt but not a lot. He waited, all the while maintaining a gentle pressure. There was a brief spike of pain when the head of his cock popped inside followed by only mild discomfort. He continued inward. The arrival at my prostate provided a pleasant mid entry interlude. His cock was expanding as it went in and stretched my hole and wherever the head was. It hurt at my anus but merely felt very full elsewhere. His pubic hairs touched them pressed against my bottom.

'See, what'd I tell you. I'm all the way in. Now we'll wait a little and let your ass get stretched some more.'

We waited. Even the pain in my anus subsided. John slowly pulled halfway out then pushed back in.

'That okay?'

'So far.'

He began a slow, rhythmic fucking, sliding out to the head then pushing completely back in. It wasn't very comfortable but quite bearable. However, when he got close to orgasm, he would grow.

I remembered the mirror on the wall and looked. There we were. He was pulling out more than I'd imagined. His ass rose high, his shiny shaft slipped out, then his ass dropped down and his shaft disappeared inside me. I tried to imagine where the head was reaching. It had to be around my bladder or past it. It was quite a sight. It turned me on. My cock grew as I watched him pump into me. I forgot the slight pain. I noticed he was watching too. He smiled at me. Then he sped up a little.

'This is the hard part,' he said with a strain, 'but it won't be long.'

It did begin to hurt. His cock was bloating, my anus stretching beyond what it was designed for. He continued to watch himself but his eyes shut occasionally. He made airy grunting sounds with each thrust. My anus stung with each entry. He gripped my shoulders tightly. His eyes closed. He went faster then made a sound like he'd been punched in the gut. He began to cum. Each pulse hurt. I counted them, three, four, five. They became less pronounced at twelve, thirteen, fourteen, then dissipated along with the discomfort. He panted beside my ear.

'That was really good, Tommy, really good.'

He lay limp on me until his cock went limp too and was squeezed out like toothpaste out of a tube. John rolled off me and lay on his back. I wanted a blow job but was afraid to show him my hard on for fear he might be rougher next time. Yes, I did expect a next time. I was clean, my clothes were drying. I had a bed once or twice a week.

We had a dinner of spaghetti and meatballs. The sauce didn't compare to Bobby's but it was the best meal I'd had in over a week.

I waited half an hour and did my exercises. John thought I was just messing around until I got to sixty-eight push ups, thirty-two off my high of a hundred. I needed to get back in shape but that would require better food than I'd been eating. After a half hour workout, I went for a run. John assured me it was safe around there. I looked hard for something familiar that might tell me where Louis' house was but didn't have any luck.

We were in bed by ten thirty and up at six thirty. He showered and fixed breakfast. John had to be on a job at eight. I gathered my clothes off the clothes lines. They weren't completely dry but I had to wear something.

John dropped me off near a crosstown bus line with fifty cents and an ass still full of his sperm.

I went to the park then had lunch and took a crap in the diner where I'd eaten breakfast the day before. At three, I was across the street from Sammy's house. He came past me with his book bag in his hand, his blonde hair gleaming in the sun. His mind must have been somewhere else because he was startled when I called his name.

'What were you thinking about,' I asked.

'You,' he smiled. 'You staying with me tonight?'

'Unh huh. I need to make some money and eat but I'll be there before nine, promise.'

He smiled a beautiful smile.

My first customer took me to eat at a diner after we'd blown each other and paid me the dollar fifty plus meal we negotiated.

The next John, that's what he said his name was, was a cool number who seemed to know everyone and the scene all over. He drove me across town to Louis' sector where I'd slept the night before and showed me the various hustling spots, all populated with boys looking to be picked up by men. There seemed to be much more action on that side of town. John took me to a motel and I showed my appreciation.

At eight thirty-five by the clock in the back of the novelty store, I tapped on the glass. Sammy was at the counter writing in his notebook. He pointed behind him. There was a side door. He opened it and invited me in.

He'd made a bed of coats and blankets behind the counter. I gave him the hug I'd felt inhibited giving him in front of Genie then helped him with his math homework. He offered to sneak me into his bathtub. His aunt went to bed at nine every night. Sensing more than a bath and needing one, I was happy to accept. We undressed silently while the tub filled. He had an erection. Mine was sympathetic. He seemed embarrassed by it. He looked so fragile yet so beautiful. He exuded a need to be protected. We got in the tub pretty much as Martin and I had, at opposite ends with legs between each other's, one of mine at his crotch, one of his at mine. I massaged his, he massaged mine. We washed each other, edging closer as we did. While washing his back, I put my arms around him and embraced his soapy body to mine. He put his hands behind him and pulled my waist toward him. He stood on his toes and arched his bottom. I bent my knees, reached down, positioned my soapy penis at his anus and pushed up, slipping right inside him. The heat was immediate. He moved his rear up and down and side to side. This wasn't his first time.

I pumped slowly. Due to our height difference, it was a bit awkward. I moved my hands down below his stiff dick and pulled up on his perineum. He pushed down on my hips. I thrust harder into him, bumping him upward each time. I felt his orgasm with my fingers between his legs and with my cock through his anal contractions. I was only seconds away. I almost fell over when the rush of my climax shot through my brain, temporarily disabling other connections.

When I pulled out, he turned and gave me a smile that could've melted stainless steel. We finished washing, rinsed and dried off. He had made the makeshift bed in the store just wide enough for the two of us.

'Want me to sleep down here with you. I've got my alarm clock to wake us up at six thirty. My aunt gets up then but you'll have at least half an hour before she might come downstairs.'

Neither of us mentioned what had gone on in the tub. He lay in front of me, in his underwear, and backed tightly against me. I put my arms around him. He embraced them. Why I felt so hesitant, so inhibited in asking him the big question is a mystery but I lay there with it sitting on my tongue. But my lips stayed closed like a bank after hours. It was nice, though. His body was almost weightless in my arms. I'd never slept with someone smaller than me except, of course, Dickie and Georgie who was about the same height as Sammy but tougher and definitely heavier. Dickie and I slept in a sixty-nine position. I'd never felt so older brotherly toward a boy before as I did with Sammy. I kissed his blonde hair several times before drifting off to sleep. I awakened in the same position twelve minutes ahead of his alarm. He was already awake.

'Good morning,' he said when he felt me stir.

'Good morning.'

He rolled over in my arms and smiled his wonderful smile. I had to kiss his soft lips. He kissed back briefly then waited, staring at me with those beautiful blues. His lips were like powerful magnets. His eyes closed before I lost sight of them. We didn't really French, just did a lot of lip pressing and sucking and body grinding. Just as I reached between us for his hard on, the alarm went off, breaking the magic. He reached back and hit the little button.

'I gotta go upstairs so my aunt will think I slept there. You coming back tonight?'

'Absolutely.'

He pecked at my lips twice and got up. We gathered the coats and blankets and he took them upstairs. I dressed and left with my backpack. A strange but very comfortable feeling buoyed my spirits, like something very special had just happened but something I had to protect, to preserve.

My target that morning was the large park in the east side of the city where I'd been shown so many hustling points the day before. I took a bus I thought went across town but that turned south as it entered the downtown area. I got off and walked up a few blocks, asking as I went for the streetcar from my part of town that I knew would take me where I wanted to go. It was an eight block walk.

From the streetcar window ten minutes after boarding, still a few blocks from the park, I noticed a restaurant with lots of people inside and walked back there for breakfast.

The park was smaller than I had thought, only about five blocks long and three blocks bottom to top. Partially hidden by a tree, I sat overlooking the avenue where the streetcar passed. There was a lot of traffic in both directions. Bored sitting, I walked from one end to the other close enough to the avenue to be seen from a car driving by but not so close I couldn't get away into the park if I saw a police vehicle. It was nearly noon before I saw any kids at all but they seemed to be going somewhere.

I went back to the same restaurant for lunch. The waitress eyed me suspiciously.

'Aren't you supposed to be in school?'

'I was.'

'Well, school isn't out yet, dearie.'

'Is for me.'

She took my order but never smiled.

It was after two before a man looked at me. He stopped by the corner of the park and waited, watching me through his rear view mirror. Concerned about truant officers more than anyone else, I stayed where I was. He left but came by a few minutes later in the opposite direction and nodded at me to follow him. He turned at the next corner and pulled over. I walked slowly to him.

'Out of school early?' he asked.

'Unh huh.'

'Wanna go for a ride?'

'Where?'

'Down by the rail yards.'

'What for?'

'You hustling?'

'What's that?'

'Sorry, I thought you were someone else.' He started to pull away.

I tapped on his door. 'Wait, yeh, I'm hustling. I just didn't know if you were, you know. How much?'

'Fifty cents.'

'Mmm, nah. I need a buck.'

'You do anything?'

He looked clean. 'Yeh, but it costs more.'

'Whatta you do?'

'Suck for two.'

'That all?'

'Like what?'

'You know, fuck.'

'Depends on how big you are and that's three if I can.'

'Get in.'

We went to his nice row house outside the city. There were no mirrors but he did have a white cream that he said was 'plenty slippery'. His cock was roughly the same size as John's.

'You lie down and I'll sit on it,' I said.

He put the cream on his cock and my hole. I sat facing him. There was impatience in his face but I insisted on taking my time. The circumcised head was larger than John's and hurt when it finally popped in past my pucker. He pushed up into me as I lowered myself down his shaft. Vaseline would have been better.

He wanted me to lie down.

'This hurts some already. Lying down would be worse. Let's do it this way.'

I used my finger tips on the backs of my calves to hold myself in position as he pumped up into me. The discomfort eased over time but my dick didn't get hard. He appeared to be enjoying it. His eyes were closed. His fingers gripped my thighs right above the knees. His upper teeth rested on his lower lip. His face began to distort like he was taking a difficult shit. The pain, though, was in my ass, not his. He fucked faster. His cock expanded. I bit my lower lip. He pushed up hard, almost knocking me over, and climaxed. Every pulse stretched my anus. It felt like he was tearing flesh.

He pulled me down with him until I was sitting on his groin, his cock head up against my bladder or a kidney. The pain eased as his cock went limp. My entrance still stung. I wasn't going to let anyone else fuck me for a couple of days.

'Wanna get sucked?' he asked after I was allowed to lift off him.

'No thanks.' I didn't want a climax squeezing my tender anus.

He let me use his telephone. I called my grandparents.

'Oh Malcolm, dear, we are so worried about you. Where are you?'

'I'm okay. You don't have to worry.'

'Well, dear, we are. You must go home. Something terrible could happen to you. Are you staying in a house?'

'Don't worry, granma, I'm fine. I'm staying with someone.'

'But, dear, what about school? You've missed over two weeks of school?'

'Granma, I'm not going to some school in Ohio. I'm not going away from my friends and you. Is Freddy there?'

'Yes.' I heard her tell Freddy to try to talk some sense to me.

'Malcolm! Where are you?'

'I'm around, not that far away. I miss you.' I felt tears rising.

'I miss you too. You okay? You're not sleeping on the sidewalk or no..., anything?' He had to keep up his grammar in front of my grandmother, his teacher.

'Not yet. I've met some people who are helping me. I still gotta move around some but I'm eating okay. What's going on?'

'Cops talking to everybody and that detective but not since last week. That detective's got people looking for you. I think he's watching all of us so you better not come over to anybody's house.' He paused. I heard grandmother speaking to him. 'Aunt Claire, wait, Malcolm, here's Uncle George.'

'Malcolm, son. Where are you?'

I realized I'd been on the phone too long.

'Granpa, I gotta hang up but I'm okay. I love all of you. Bye.'

I pushed down the buttons in the cradle. The tears kept coming for a few minutes. The man was dressing, watching me sit on the bed with my back to him. He came and sat beside me. There was no hiding the wet spots on my pants.

'You're a runaway, aren't you?'

I nodded.

'If you wanna go home, I can take you close.'

I shook my head.

'Well, if you change your mind, just tell me, okay? You hungry?'

He fed me leftover chicken and warmed up mashed potatoes and succotash.

I scored again from the same spot getting a blow job inside an empty warehouse the man had a key to. It was near five when he dropped me off half a block from the park. Two slightly older boys saw me get out of the man's car and walked up to me as I was pulling on my backpack. They were smiling but I didn't see any good will. One spoke while the other walked to the far side of me.

'Made yourself some money?'

'No, I was hitchhiking. He gave me a ride.'

'Bullshit. You ain't from around here. How much you got? Let's see it.'

I ran at the boy between me and the park. He was ready but underestimated my strength. He tried to push me down when I put my shoulder into his chest but I lifted him off the ground and drove him back. He lost his balance and fell. I kept running, making it to the avenue before my pursuer.

He stopped and called out, 'See you later, punk!'

I'd have to talk to Sammy about keeping my knapsack except when I was going to wash my clothes and hold some of my money. And, I'd have to avoid side streets. I walked toward a business district past the park and up a long hill. A group of boys were sitting in the deep-set windows of a large stone bank, watching cars go by. They couldn't have been more obvious if they'd been carrying signs. Either the people in the area were very unaware of man-boy sex or just didn't mind.

I went across the street and watched. Cars stopped at the light waved boys to them. Boys got in or didn't. A couple chased a car around the corner and didn't come back. When there were only two, I walked across and leaned against the wall. The boys looked at me then each other and shrugged. A man in a new model car drove by looking at me but the light was green. He came by again a few minutes later and waved me to him. As I stepped forward, a hand pulled me back. I yanked away and turned. It was one of the boys.

He stepped back. 'Easy. That guy don't pay.' He gave the man the finger. The man frowned.

I said, 'Sorry, thanks.'

The boy walked back to his spot; I went to mine.

Somebody they knew came by and held up his index finger. They pushed and shoved at each other. The one who had advised me got into the car.

The driver of an older car drove by checking me out but kept going. Two more boys about my age came and sat in the window beside mine. They looked at me and nodded then turned back to the street. A bald fat man about fifty with gray in his sideburns waved me around the corner. I looked at the partner of the boy who'd advised me. He nodded okay.

It started out as a blowjob but ended up with his dick between my legs in exchange for a diner dinner and a dollar. I asked to be let off on the other side of the city. He grumbled about time but took me within a few blocks of Sammy's.

It was only seven thirty but Sammy was inside studying. He let me in and I helped him. Genie had been by looking for me and would be in the park the next day at three thirty. We bathed then made love in the makeshift bed. After fucking him, I asked Sammy if he wanted me to do him. He smiled and said, 'I already came. Couldn't you tell?'

His speech with me was much better than how he'd spoken on the street, definitely better than the other boys.

'You're not from around here, are you?'

He told me he was from a middle class area southwest of the city.

'Are you like me?' I couldn't say the word queer or homosexual.

He looked away from me for a moment. 'I think so. The others don't know, except Genie. He's done me back there, too.' He pointed toward his behind.

'Where? Here?'

'No, he took me down to Frank's one day and did it while Frank was with another boy.'

'Just once?'

'Mmm hmm.'

'A man did me back there today, but he paid me three dollars and gave me some food.'

'Did it hurt?'

'Yeah, but not too bad. It was worth it.'

'How do they do it?'

I told him about John's method and how I'd done it that afternoon.

'You think I could do it?'

'I don't know. Depends on how big your hole is.'

'How do you know?'

'I dunno, probably just by trying bigger and bigger dicks.'

'Can you tell by looking at it?'

'Maybe by sticking my finger in.'

He got up and turned on the light then got on his knees and bent over. We had both been naked under the blanket. I looked. His hole looked normal for his size. I sat on my feet behind him, wet my finger well with my mouth and pushed it into his hole. Entry was easy, much as it had been for my peter. I pulled down. It opened up a little above my finger.

'Let me try two fingers.'

He didn't say anything or move. I stuck my middle finger in my mouth and lubed it then put that finger in, pulled down and stuck my index finger in above it. I tried opening them but had to push almost completely inside to accomplish it. An idea popped into my head: two fingers, separate hands. I pulled the two out, lubed my other index finger and put them in one at a time, one over the other then turned them side by side and pulled them apart. It was very tight.

'Relax your hole,' I said.

'I am.'

I pulled harder.

'Ouch.'

I waited a moment to let his anus stretch. I pulled again. It opened a bit more leaving a half inch long opening between my fingers. I held that for a couple of minutes then tried again.

'Ouch.'

I took one finger out and pushed the other as deep as I could, seeking his prostate. I felt a small lump and massaged it.

'How's that?'

'Feel my dick and you'll know.'

I felt it with my little finger to avoid spreading the smelly residue on my index finger. He was solid. 'Lie down and turn over.'

He did. I kept my finger inside and went down on him. He came in two minutes.

We went upstairs quietly and washed ourselves.

Between Thursday afternoon and five o'clock Friday, I made seven dollars and seventy-five cents. It had been a lot easier and more profitable at Camp McFarlane.

Genie and I waited for Frank to come home with his paycheck. He didn't. After checking his favorite hangouts unsuccessfully, we hustled.

Saturday was more profitable than Thursday and Friday together though requiring a lot of mouthwork. That evening, I stopped by and picked up my backpack from Sammy and made my eight o'clock date set up Thursday with John, the paperhanger from the east side. First I put my clothes in the washing machine then had a relaxed steak dinner. Mike regaled me with stories of his years picking up boys all over the city. After dinner I put my clothes through the wringer and hung them on the back porch, again covering myself with one of John's shirts. Finally, I watched myself being fucked by the master. Other than at the very end when he thickened and stretched my poor anus to its limit, it wasn't so bad. He sucked me and we went to sleep. Sunday morning, after a breakfast of French toast with honey, he left me alone and took his aging mother to church. He came back at eleven and showed me the best places to hustle Sundays on his side of town. Two of my three scores were repeats. I arrived at Sammy's with eighteen dollars more than I'd had Friday.

Genie and I searched unsuccessfully for Frank Sunday evening. No one had seen him since mid week. He had disappeared and so had my money.

I called my grandfather Wednesday night in hopes Freddy would be spending the night. He'd stayed in hopes I'd call.

There was no new news although my grandfather was trying to work something out with my father for me to return to my school.

Thursday, I found another man who would let me use his washing machine and shower. This one just required a blowjob. Unfortunately, I only had the clothes I was wearing and had to go to Sammy's damp.

The weekend was again very profitable. I spent Saturday night with John the paperhanger.

Monday, Genie introduced me to a man who, he said, had a small cock and paid as much as five dollars for a good fuck. He used cooking oil and paid three. Genie fucked me afterward and complained he couldn't feel anything.

Tuesday, I called Francis and asked him to arrange through Martin a Sunday meeting on the east side with Freddy. When I called him back Friday, he told me Freddy would be there at ten thirty and that my grandparents had some news. I was on an east side payphone so felt a five minute call would be safe. Even if they traced the call, I'd be long gone before anyone could arrive.

My grandfather said, 'Your father says he would be willing to sit and discuss the school situation but you've got to come home.'

'Granpa, I'm never going to live with him again.'

'Son, you've been out of school for almost a month. This can't go on or you're going to lose a year of your life. I don't know what you're doing to live out there or who you're living with but you are just making a bad situation worse. The people helping you are breaking the law and will suffer when they find you. Don't kid yourself, they are going to find you sooner or later. I just hope it won't be because you've been hurt or worse. And if you're doing something illegal to survive, you can end up in a reformatory far worse than a boarding school.

'And there is something else you don't seem to be considering. Your mother is a nervous wreck worrying about you and your grandmother isn't much better. I want you to call your mother right now and talk to her. Don't worry about anyone listening in or tracing your call, nobody's doing that. The police are just waiting for you to show up.'

It did make me feel badly but didn't affect my determination not to return. I braced myself for hysterics and called my mother. My father answered.

'Malcolm, where are you?'

'I wanna talk to my mother.'

'To hell with you.' He hung up.

I waited five minutes expecting mother would figure out who had called and stand by the phone. She answered, already crying.

'Malcolm, please come home. I'm so worried about you. Something terrible is going to happen, I know. Please come home, dear. I won't let him send you away.'

'Mom, I'm okay. Don't worry but I can't trust him ever. If I can live with granpa and granma, I'll do that but never with him.'

'Oh, please,' she cried, 'I can't sleep at night worrying about you. I just know something terrible is going to happen to you. There are so many bad people out there. Please, for me, come home or just tell me where you are and I'll come and get you. Please.'

I finally had to hang up. She kept repeating the same things. 'Don't worry, mom. I'm safe. I gotta go. Bye.' She was pleading but I didn't dare stay on the line any longer no matter what my grandfather felt the police weren't doing.

Sunday at ten, with the paperhanger's sperm in my butt, I was up the street from our meeting place. Freddy arrived ten minutes early according to the clock inside the jewelry shop whose entryway I was using. I was wearing new clothes and a baseball cap I'd bought the day before. My knapsack was full of the damp clothes I'd washed the night before. I walked down the street with my head down. He knew it was me well before I reached him. I led him at a trot to the park where I could see if anyone was following us.

It wasn't the best place. Freddy was the only Negro there and was hugging me. Everyone nearby stared at us. We walked back to the avenue and headed in toward the poorer commercial area.

After assuring him I was fine and hearing news from Martin's neighborhood, I asked what he knew about my situation with the police and detectives.

'I don't think anybody's looking for you. Your granpa said something about your father getting rid of that detective and the cops ain't been around for a couple weeks but don't go anywhere around Martin's or Bobby's. That detective gave everybody your picture and told 'em there's a reward if they see you. Who you living with?'

'A few places but mostly with this kid.' I told him about Sammy and his aunt without mentioning the sex, but...

'You two doin' stuff?' He always knew.

'Some.'

'He's fucking you.'

I grinned. 'Unh uh. I'm doing it to him. He's like me.'

He wanted details. I wanted to hold him, have him hold me. It was difficult to maintain the happy go lucky appearance as I told him about Sammy and me.

'How much money you got left?'

'Not much. The guy I stayed with stole it all.'

'Three hundred dollars?'

'Three hundred seventy.'

'That boy Sammy feeding you too?'

'No. I'm hustling.'

'What's that?'

I filled him in on the hustling scene.

'That sounds real dangerous to me, Maacum. What're you gonna do if you get one of those crazy motherfuckers likes to hurt people?'

'I'm careful. Don't worry. Anyhow, I gotta eat.'

We turned down a broad divided boulevard.

'Everybody's real worried about you, Maacum. Me too. They's gotta be a way fo' you ta go home.'

'I can't, Freddy. He'll just send me to that boarding school. It's military. It'll be like being in jail. And I won't be able to see you.'

'Yo' granddaddy thinks he can talk yo papa into not doin' that. An' yo' mama said she ain't gonna let him.'

'My father does what he wants. He doesn't care what anybody else says. He promised my mother he was never going to hit me plenty of times but he always does it, or tries. I gave him a few good ones that last time. I hope it really hurt.'

Freddy walked silently for a block, his hands in his pockets, eyes to the sidewalk. I put my arm over his shoulder. He felt thicker, more muscular.

'You're getting bigger,' I commented.

'It's all that good food Aunt Claire feeds me, and Martin's mama too. They tryin' ta get me fat.' He grinned at me. 'Please come home with me, Maacum. Somethin's gonna happen, I know it.'

'I can't Freddy. Not yet. I can't go back with him. Only if I can live with you or my grandparents.'

He put his arm over my shoulder. The harbor was ahead of us. We walked to the edge of a wharf and sat with our feet out over the water eight feet below.

'I wish we had a boat with a bedroom and a kitchen,' said Freddy wistfully. 'We could get on it and go somewheah, just us.'

We talked about such a craft and the places we could go, how we could use it to make a living. I bought carry out lunches at a small restaurant near the water. We ate there on the wharf. Freddy's sadness tore at my soul. He begged me to go with him. I almost did but the specter of that boarding school held me back. There were tears in both our eyes as he boarded the streetcar alone.

I scored with a man and blew him but it was all very mechanical. I wasn't very good company, not even with Sammy.

'What's wrong?' he asked.

'It's my best friend. We really love each other. I saw him today for the first time in a month. I miss him so much.'

We didn't make love that night. It seemed wrong, disloyal.

Unable to sleep, I fantasized terrible things that could happen to my father, all ending with his death and my mother and I living with my grandparents. I knew my mother wouldn't be happy without her friends coming over to play cards and gossip but she could go to their houses.

In the morning, I walked down to the woods bordering the park and tried to sleep some more but it was too cool. I went up to a commercial street north of the area. There was a Goodwill used clothes and furnishings store where Frank told me he had bought his sofa. I bought a slightly large coat for two dollars.

The rest of the week was boring. I spent the morning and midday hours in the park and other areas I'd been told were safe from truant officers. Tuesday afternoon, I took Genie to the east side. We scored three times. The last man paid four dollars to fuck me using Vaseline I insisted he buy at a Read's drug store. It hurt but Genie was watching so I stayed tough, not even biting my knuckle.

Several times, calling my grandparents was on my mind but having to refuse their plea that I come home made it easier to move on. I thought a lot about Freddy. It was Wednesday before I could make love with Sammy.

He became my anchor. He was so sweet, so loving. Even the nights when I couldn't get hard, he held me and kissed me, never complaining about the lack of attention, my sullenness. Saturday morning, even though my clothes really needed washing, I lay wishing I didn't have to sleep that night with John, that I could return to Sammy's tender embrace.

Saturday, along with Genie and a few others, Sammy and I went with Bill on a canoe trip. We cooked hot dogs over an open fire. Bill pulled me aside and spoke to me about my situation.

'Tommy, you're a really bright boy. You need to go to college one day and here you're out of school after just the sixth grade. I don't know why you've run away but there must be a way to straighten al this out. Why don't you tell me about it? Maybe I can help.'

Sammy, sitting beside me, said,' Tell him, Tommy.'

Having Sammy call me a name that wasn't mine was a wall between us. Every time he used it I wanted to tell him my real name but worried he might use it in front of others. He put his arm around my waist and embraced me. 'Tell him,' he repeated.

'My father wants to send me to a boarding school far away. My father's a son-of-a-bitch. He hates my friends and calls me a faggot. There's nothing you can do.'

Bill stared at his hands. 'Don't you have relatives who could let you stay with them?'

'My father won't even let me visit my grandparents.'

'Why not?'

'They let my friend come to their house. My grandmother teaches him and his little sister.'

'Why doesn't your father like you friend?'

'He's a Negro.'

'Just that?'

'Yes.'

'Is he like you, I mean, sexually?'

'He's not homosexual, if that's what you mean.'

Bill thought some more. 'Does your family go to a church?'

'Yes. My father had one of the priests there try to change me normal.'

'Did, uh, oh boy.' He leaned back on his elbows. 'Have you talked to your grandparents?'

'Yes, they want me to go home. Everybody thinks they can get him to not send me but I know him. Anyhow, they don't have to live with him, just me.'

'What's your mother say about all this?'

'He doesn't care what she says and she's afraid of him. At least, she always does what he says.'

Sammy squeezed me and put his head on my shoulder.

'Let me think about this, Tommy,' said Bill. 'There's got to be a way for you to go to school.'

He was to get back to me Thursday or Friday.

I spent the night with my paperhanger friend. It was becoming a ritual. Wash clothes, eat dinner, hang up the clothes, shower, get fucked, go to bed.

Sunday, another of the men took me and a boy I met in the bank window to a movie after blowing and getting blown. I got fucked again later for three dollars. It was the first time I'd been fucked two days in a row. It hurt but not too much, and earned me over a day's food money. I had nearly fifty dollars stashed in Sammy's aunt's store.

Monday, I went back to the Goodwill Store and bought three books and began reading to Sammy.

Tuesday night, I called Francis from a man's house.

'Malcolm, Freddy's got to talk to you. Maybe you can go home. It's all Martin could tell me. He wants to know when he can come see you.'

Hurting Freddy again by refusing to go home with him was almost too painful to consider, but not seeing him was worse. 'Tell him to come again Sunday, same place at ten thirty again.'

'He doesn't want to wait until Sunday.'

'He's gotta go to school and work.'

'After school. Any day, well, except tomorrow, I suppose. It's real important. How about Thursday?'

'Okay, tell him four o'clock, same place.'

'Martin says Freddy thinks everything's going to be okay now and we all want to see you again, especially Martin, and Victor. They really miss you. We all do.'

Thoughts of living with my grandparents filled my mind and created hope, then fear pushed it aside, fear that this was going to be something I couldn't agree to. I gradually dipped into depression, certain that nothing was going to work out, that this was going to be another great disappointment for Freddy. I couldn't think of any conditions under which I'd go back to my father or under which my father would allow me to live with my grandparents. Unless, of course, if something had happened to my father. But Francis would have heard of that and told me. No, this was going to be another unhappy parting for Freddy and me.

That night, I all but accepted life as a prostitute, even planned how to seek better heeled clients, have my own place.

Wednesday, I began hustling on the east side at two o'clock, going out with four different men, sucking the second and third and being unable to cum for the fourth, before going home to Sammy. All were repeat customers. Sammy quickly felt the lack of passion in my kisses.

'You're so sad the last couple nights, Tommy, what's wrong?'

I hated Tommy. 'Don't ever say this in front of anyone else. My name's Malcolm.'

He kissed my cheek. 'Malcolm. That sounds smart, like you.'

I said, 'Everybody wants me to go home but none of them have to take all that shit from my father. My best friend's going to meet me tomorrow and that's what he wants, and I gotta say no and he's gonna be crying and me too. God, I hate my father!'

Sammy tried blowing me but I couldn't get more than partially erect. He slid up my body and held me. I held him but couldn't sleep for a long time. Sammy awakened me when the alarm didn't. We kissed for a few moments. I went to the diner for breakfast. I bought a newspaper and took it to the park with me. I read every comic, even the ones like Little Lulu that I didn't like and Mary Worth and Mark Trail with bits of stories I knew nothing about. There was a lot of political news with the presidential election only a few weeks away.

I wasn't hungry midday so went to the east side and walked down by the harbor, ducking behind cars and trees when police cars went by. Time dragged on. I went into a restaurant and ate to do something. It cost me almost two dollars but I didn't care.

The avenue was crowded with kids going home from school when I headed toward my rendezvous point with Freddy. I watched for pretty boys to distract myself but none caught my fancy.

A man I'd blown a couple of times passed slowly by but I shook my head then wished I hadn't. There was plenty of time and it would have been a lot better than standing around. He probably found another boy as he didn't come by again.

Freddy arrived at three thirty, half an hour early. He was excited.

As we walked down the Avenue, he said, 'Las' week, yo' mama came to see yo' granfolks. They went ina the kitchen. I ran upstairs and inta the back where they's that metal thing in the flo' wheah the hot air goes, you know, that goes to the kitchen? Well, ah listened.'

He walked partially in front of me, turning sideways toward me as he talked.

'Yo' daddy's in trouble with those men that's s'posed to give him all that money 'cause he said he was gonna send you to that boahdin' school and you ain't theah and you ain't in the house neithah. So, they know you ran away and they ain't gonna give yo' daddy nothin' 'til he gots you so he's gotta get you back into the house o' he don't get no money and they said if you say anything about that kid Washburn they're gonna make sure yo' daddy don't get no mo' work from the gov'ment an' that's all he gots, right?'

He moved back along side me and put his arm over my shoulder and spoke almost into my ear.

'So, yo' daddy moved yo' do' back wheah it was in yo' bedroom an' he says all you gotta do is do yo' cho's an the res' a the time is yo's an' he ain't gonna do nothin' 'bout you runnin' away o' nothin'. Whatta you think about that?' He squeezed my shoulder.

I didn't know what to think. 'You sure he moved the door?'

'Yo' mama even said that ta me aftah when she told me ta talk ta you. She tole me ta tell you that. C'mon, Maacum, let's go home to yo' grandaddy's house. He'll tell you too.'

Distrust spun around in my head but was circled by hope that the Washburn business was my salvation. If it was true that he'd lose all his business if I said anything, I had power over him. He wouldn't dare do anything I didn't like or I could ruin him. The idea was too delicious to taste. The idea that I could possibly have the upper hand over him seemed too good to be true. There was a strong temptation to just get on the streetcar and go with Freddy but a nagging fear that all this was just that, too good to be true, held back my trust. If it wasn't true, I could be on a bus to the boarding school in a matter of hours. But, I could just get off the bus and run away again. I had plenty of money to get back to Sammy's.

Sammy. I'd have to leave Sammy. Right then, my feeling for him became clear, like a huge pink neon sign, a heart with an arrow and Malcolm loves Sammy over and under it. I loved Sammy. Sammy loved me. I loved Freddy. Freddy loved me. They lived worlds apart, at opposite ends of the city, at opposite ends of my life. What was I going to do?

Freddy still had his arm over my shoulder. I reached up and took his hand. Was I going to have to make a choice? Much as it hurt, I'd have to take Freddy. But it would hurt Sammy. He'd told me things that were secrets from the rest of the world. He'd come to rely on me being with him each night. Maybe I could take him with me. Make that a condition for me to come back. But if it were all a lie, allowing them to meet Sammy would remove my safe haven away from home.

I had to have time to think all this out. I couldn't go back immediately. I stopped and looked at Freddy.

'I gotta think first. Anyhow my things are at Sammy's house. Please, I'll call in the morning. Wait 'til tomorrow. I promise I'll call.'

'But, you gotta come home tomorrow, Maacum. Come to yo' grandaddy's. I won't go to work. No, I won't go to school. I'll wait but you gotta come, please.'

It was another tear filled parting. As he stepped up onto the streetcar, I took the weight off one foot, debating with myself if I should follow him, get on too, take the leap and go to my grandparents. My heart stopped me but also sent my hand forward to Freddy's. He stopped and looked back, sudden hope in his tear filled eyes. He sighed when he realized I wasn't coming.

'C'mon, boy', ordered the streetcar driver.

I let go. Freddy turned away and was gone.

I stepped back to the curb and sat on it. A man looked back at me, scowling, as he crossed the street. I was too distressed inside to react.

How could I so love a boy I'd only met a few weeks before, love him so much that I could miss even one night with Freddy. Still, I had to go see Sammy, talk to him, explain why I was leaving, find a way for him to continue to be a part of my life.

I walked clear across town. It wasn't planned, just happened. I just started walking, thinking about what I would, could, should do. Trusting my father to keep his word was not as important as my ability to escape if he didn't. Unless I was sent to a reformatory, that didn't seem a problem. Since I'd run away, the reformatory did seem a possibility but I had confidence my grandfather and mother could and would prevent that. All my clothes would stay with Sammy in case I had to run again. The money would stay with me in case it was needed to get back to him. That meant keeping Sammy and everything about where I'd been a secret from everyone except my closest friends like Freddy, Bobby, Martin and Francis, all of whom already knew and had kept the secret.

If all went well, I could somehow arrange to have Sammy become a part of my life. The problem was how Freddy would feel about it. Sammy wasn't Martin or Bobby who were friends with whom I had sex. He'd quickly see that my feelings for Sammy were far stronger than with the others. Would he consider this a threat to our friendship? I wasn't even sure myself where it might go. I did love Sammy very much. In fact, he occupied my thoughts as much if not more than Freddy. Losing him was unthinkable.

By the time I walked up to Sammy's, the decision had been made to go to my grandparent's in the morning. I'd listen to what they had to say. I had my conditions. My father had to basically stay out of my life. I'd do my chores but the rest of my non-school time was mine. I could go to my grandparents any time I wanted. I didn't worry about beatings because I just didn't think he'd try that again. First, I was strong enough to hurt him. Second, he had too much to lose to risk me running away.

It was still early. Sammy's aunt was in the store. I went to a diner for what was possibly my last meal as a runaway.

The store was empty when I returned. Sammy didn't appear for nearly an hour though it seemed like four. I went over and over my speech about how much I loved him and that, no matter what, I would be back.

His face lit up when I tapped on the window. We embraced inside the door.

'So?' he asked.

We sat on the floor behind the counter. I told him everything Freddy told me and was completely open about my thoughts regarding preserving him as a safe refuge in case things didn't work out.

If my father sends me to a boarding school, it'll be real soon, Monday at the latest because Monday I have to go to my other school. If he sends me away, I'll get off the bus first chance I get and come back here. Nobody can know about you yet but I promise I will come back to you. I love you.'

Sammy literally fell on me, wrapped his arms around me. 'I love you too.'

I lay on the floor. He pulled himself up on me and kissed me passionately. 'I love you,' he said again and again, hardly taking his lips off mine. I wondered if I should be leaving, that perhaps I should just stay with him and never go home. His body against mine, his lips on mine felt so warm and secure like nothing I'd ever experienced before. He made me feel good about myself.

I helped him with his homework, occasionally kissing his cheek, sitting as tight against him as possible while still allowing him to write. We bathed. He lay on top of me in the warm water, kissing and caressing my hair and face. When I washed his back, we ended up as we had that wonderful first night, with my penis inside him and the two of us balancing and tugging on each other. This time I felt him cum ahead of me, his orgasm acting as a switch to turn on mine. Nearly exhausted, we sat back in the water, his weightless slim body sideways on my lap. We kissed and hugged until the water was so cold we had to re-new it with hot. We rinsed and dried then rushed downstairs naked and pulled our makeshift bed from behind a cabinet where he kept it.

We made love again, front to front. It took me longer to reach my apex, allowing us more time to grind and kiss. I slipped down his body and blew him while he embraced my head and pumped into my mouth.

We feel asleep in each other's arms with promises of eternal love and fealty.

The emotion apparently sapped us because I've no recollection of consciousness during the night, only awakening with his head on my chest and arms draped over me. I felt suddenly conflicted over Freddy. He hadn't entered my mind the night before during all the intense lovemaking with Sammy. I did still love Freddy, very much. Could I hold one in each arm? They were so different. Freddy was strongly heterosexual. His love for me was far more brotherly than sexual. Would he, could he understand and accept the sexual love I had for Sammy.

Sammy was a queer like me. We found each other physically attractive. Our love sprang from our bodies as well as our minds. He was so beautiful. It was difficult for me to understand what he found attractive about me. I had a good body with lots of muscles but my face was only handsome at best, certainly not beautiful like his. But he did love me; I had no doubt about that. How would our love deal with me living so far away? It would be difficult for me to visit him other than weekends. Being apart from him five days every week was too painful to contemplate though I had handled it with Freddy. How would it be with Sammy?

He stirred. His eyes opened. He looked at me and smiled. We embraced and kissed. How could I leave him? Maybe I could change schools, study and live with him.

There was no changing the fact that I had to leave. I didn't want to let him go, but I did. We kissed in the doorway. I closed the door after he opened it and kissed and held him again.

'I love you, Sammy.'

'I love you too but you've gotta go. I'll see you, when, in a week?'

He had already accepted our separation. 'Sooner. Maybe tomorrow or Sunday if there's no problem. I love you.'

'I love you. Go.'

I started out the door and remembered, 'My money, in case.'

We dug it out of the hiding place over a cabinet.

After a brief kiss, he gently pushed me out the door.

His words made it much easier to walk to the bus line for downtown.

All the way to my grandparents, I rehearsed what I saw as concrete conditions for my return home, freedom from restrictions on my free time being paramount.

Freddy was sitting in the vestibule waiting for me and opened the door as I turned up the walk. He embraced me on the porch and pulled me inside. My grandparents hugged me.

'Thank God you're okay,' said my grandmother.

I thanked Sammy.

We sat in the living room, my grandmother hugging me from one side. Freddy sat opposite us, looking me over with a silly grin on his face. My grandfather paced for a moment then sat in his chair. He worried me.

'Is everything okay still?' I asked.

'Yes,' he answered. 'I think so.'

That worried me more. He saw my concern but didn't seem to have words to alleviate them.

'What's wrong?'

'I don't think there's anything wrong, it's just that, well, your father's very upset by all this. He was drinking last night and they had a fight. She's okay but he hit your mother and now he's more upset.'

I looked at him, trying to fathom any hidden message. 'Whatta you mean he's more upset now? What did he say about me?'

He sighed. 'Let me call your mother. She stayed here last night but went back to your house this morning.'

'Does my father know I'm here?'

'He knows you might be.'

I worried that he may have called the police. I stood, debating whether to leave quickly. If the police got me, they'd take my money.

My grandmother said, 'Sit down, dear, please. It's going to be all right.'

I couldn't. Every fiber of my of my body, every cell in my brain wanted me to get away.

I headed for the rear door. 'I'll call you in two hours.'

Freddy came after me. My grandmother was close behind but my grandfather stopped her. He said, 'Two hours. Call me in two hours. Freddy, you stay here. He'll be okay.'

Freddy looked almost terrified. I hugged him. 'I'll call in two hours.'

'Two hours,' he called from the back porch as I went out the gate.

I went up the alley to the next block, looked out carefully and crossed to the alley on the other side. After two blocks in alleys, I walked west until I found a park in front of a museum. All the while walking, my emotions rattled back and forth from relief to doubt, relief because the decision to go back to Sammy was a comfortable one, doubt because there might be a chance lost to resolve things and get me back into school, the part of all this that I'd tried to put out of my mind.

I found a secluded place near a bridge and sat on a park bench. I'd never bought the watch I promised myself to buy so often. Two hours would be a guess. I had no idea what time I'd left the house. My stomach needed attention. A restaurant would have a clock but this didn't seem the type of area that would have a restaurant I could afford.

Perhaps there would be something if I continued west. I left the park and went a few blocks more, finding myself in a working class area much like Sammy's. Two blocks down the street, I found a soda fountain but they only sold packaged cakes and cookies. I bought Jelly Krimpets and a Coke, then bought the same again. A block below the soda fountain was a major commercial street with two restaurants but both were closed. I was going east again and decided to circle around and check out my grandparent's house from a block away to see if any police vehicles were around. Then, I reconsidered. A policeman coming to get me would have my picture. He might be driving around looking for me. I turned south and walked all the way downtown, past the YMCA. The library ahead seemed a safe place. I knew they had payphones inside. I could read if I had to wait any longer.

My grandmother answered the telephone. 'Wait, Your mother's here. She wants to speak to you.'

'Malcolm, you should have waited for me. Please, come back. Where are you?'

'I'm okay here. What happened? What did he say?'

'Everything's fine, dear. He's just upset. Don't worry.'

'What about school?'

'It's going to be fine, dear. You're going back to your old school on Tuesday. Monday's a holiday. And he fixed your bedroom door so it's back where it used to be. All you have to do is your chores and be a good boy.'

'What about Freddy?'

There was a moment of silence. 'Just don't bring him to the house, dear. You know that would upset him. Now, where are you? I'll come pick you up.'

I almost told her but said instead to wait for me where she was. I wanted to look around for a trap.

I took a bus and got off two blocks from the house. After watching for a few moments from a block away and seeing only my mother's car in front, I went up the alley and looked around again. I went in through the back gate, still open from when I'd left earlier.

I entered quietly but Freddy heard the door open and came rushing to the kitchen. 'It's okay. It's okay, just like she said.'

Mother came behind him and pulled me to her.

I asked all my questions and was assured that everything was as promised.

'Why can't Freddy come to my house?'

My grandfather answered. 'Malcolm, this has all been very difficult for your father. I don't think having Freddy at your house would be a good idea. Look, things have been worked out in a way that will make all our lives easier. You can see Freddy anytime you want away from your house including here. Let's just be practical and not complicate matters, okay?'

'Can I stay here today?'

'I think it would be better if you stayed at your house today. You can probably come here tomorrow.'

'Can I go later, in the afternoon for dinner? Mom, can I eat in my room?'

She smiled. 'I suppose so. It might even be better today unless he wants to take me out. We've got a new maid but she's not a very good cook.'

'She white?'

She sighed and kept her smile. 'Of course.'

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