Traditions

by Mark Peters

Chapter 3

After we finished our shower we dried off in the bathroom, each casting conspiratorial glances at the other, accompanied by wry smiles.

The feeling of having Charlie inside me was nothing like I had ever expected. What I had expected was for the deed to be embarrassing, uncomfortable and painful, but it was nothing like that. What had transpired was gentle and beautiful, and given with love, and I could only love Charlie all the more for it.

Much to his disappointment, the act wasn't reciprocated, but he understood. I said that we really needed to get moving, as we were expected at my parents' house, but to be honest my trembling legs needed time to recover, along with the fact that when I did return the favour I needed it to be perfect; even more perfect for him than it had been for me. We would take our time, tonight I resolved, and I would love him, and I would cast any worries that were playing on his mind far from his consciousness.

When we finished drying we walked to his bedroom hand in hand and searched for some clothes, then dressed. Charlie chose some smart, casual clothes, wanting to make a good impression with my extended family, while I pulled on some jeans and a polo shirt, much to his amusement.

'All my clothes are in my bedroom at home,' I said to him. 'I'll change when I get to the house. And I suppose I had better throw some of my clothes into a suitcase to bring back here… assuming you're going to let me stay.'

'Oh, I think I can put up with you for a while longer,' he remarked, before pulling me to him and kissing me.

'That's good to know,' I replied, once we had separated.

'Well, there's something you owe me before I can throw you out, so you'll be safe until at least then. After that it might depend on how good you are at what you do.'

'So that's how it is then? Right! I'll have to keep that in mind when we finally get to bed tonight.'

'You do that,' Charlie re

There is something comforting about having traditions in our lives, I have to admit. Something about them that gives structure to our lives. Stability. Especially when we find ourselves facing the most challenging of times.

Even the small things help out. Take the Christmas tradition that Charlie and I have shared for the past few years… just a few stolen moments, alone, watching the world from afar. Watching the twinkling lights of our small town far below us as we cling to each other in the darkness of a warm summer night. The steady progress of a ship out to sea, its lights tracking a slow path over the dark and distant water. It gives us time to breathe. It gives us time to escape whatever might be worrying us, and just be ourselves, share an intimate moment, explore boundaries without having to worry about what anyone else might be thinking.

Then there are the bigger things that become traditions, like Christmas itself, and all that accompanies this season. Holidays, family, midnight mass, feasts, gifts. It marks the end of one year, with a new year hovering on the horizon. It gives us a chance to reset. To reflect on what has been, as well as what lies ahead. New adventures. New challenges. New ways of doing things.

Out with the old, and in with the new, and all that stuff.

Home. It's not quite what I had expected it would be when I returned to the town of my youth; down on my luck, having just been retrenched from my job in the city, only to find the best friend I'd ever known in a state of despair, with his mother having recently passed.

I now had fences to mend, thanks to my having left town in the first place, but coupled with this was my needing to deal with a grieving friend who had felt abandoned by everyone whom he had ever loved. Of course, the whole scenario wasn't made any easier by our history, and the fact that at times we had been more than just friends. Add to the mix my father, who had difficulty in accepting my sexuality, and it was plain to see there was a whole lot of pain on a whole lot of levels that needed to be dealt with.

The first night we spent together, knowing we were now going to be together as more than just friends, was the night before Christmas Eve.

That was also the first night that Charlie and I had ever slept in the same bed. Even when we'd had sleepovers as kids we'd never done that. There were no great fireworks this first night; we were just two young lovers reuniting, fumbling together, still learning from each other, and comforting each other.

When I woke the following morning, wondering just where I was for a few moments, before tilting my head sideways and seeing the smiling face of Charlie greeting me, I knew then that my life had changed forever.

'Good morning,' he said quietly.

'Good morning,' I replied, as I rolled onto my side to better face him.

'Is this really happening, then?'

'Is it what you want to happen?'

'I've wanted it for a long time, if you must know.'

'Me too.'

'But we were both too fucking dumb to say it!'

'We're past that now, though. So I guess we've got some catching up to do?' I suggested.

'I guess we do,' Charlie replied, before leaning forward and kissing me.

It would be almost lunch time before we left Charlie's bed. There had still been no fireworks – I was doing my best to try and save those for later in the day, hopefully for the time when we would visit our favourite place in the mountains, as we always did on Christmas Eve – but we still made the most of trying to start that catching up process we had spoken about earlier.

After showering together and pulling on some clean clothes – I had borrowed some underwear and a t-shirt from Charlie – we drove around to my family's home to see how preparations for Christmas were progressing. No sooner than had we closed the car doors, Toby came racing out to greet us, hugging me first, before turning his attention to Charlie.

'Charlie's not sad any more,' Toby said to me.

'No, mate. I don't think he is,' I answered, as I looked at my now boyfriend and noticed the look of surprise on his face.

'I'm happy about that,' Toby said, before then swamping Charlie with a bear hug, that soon had them both rocking back and forth with laughter.

It was into this scene that my mother arrived, coming to the front door to see what all the commotion was. I watched her as she stopped and leaned against the door frame, her arms folded in front of her. She looked at Toby and Charlie, then glanced my way, soon smiling when she noticed me looking at her. Quickly, I went to her and hugged her.

'You two are just in time to help in the kitchen,' she said to me.

'Can't we at least have some lunch first?'

'Of course. I was just about to make some sandwiches,' she answered. 'But first there's something else I need to do,' she added, before breaking away from my embrace and turning to Charlie and going to him, then wrapping him up in another hug.

For a moment he looked horrified, but then he seemed to remember that he had known my mother for just as long as he had known me, and eventually returned the hug.

'I'm so sorry, Charlie,' was all she said to him.

When they separated I noticed Charlie wipe away a tear, before saying, 'Thank you.'

'I want you to know that I'm so happy that the two of you have finally worked things out. I always hoped that you would,' mum said, before reaching out one arm and beckoning me to them, then wrapping us both up in a hug.

'Hey, what about me?' we soon heard, as Toby came and joined us.

When we finally separated, Charlie looked from my mother, to me, then back again.

'W-what did you mean by saying you always hoped we would?' he asked. 'D-did you know? Did my mum know?'

'Oh, Charlie. Mothers almost always know. And I also want you to know that you will always be welcome here. It looks like you're going to a part of our family now,' mum replied, before giving him a kiss on the cheek, then glancing sideways at me.

The awkward moment was broken, however, as Toby asked when we were having lunch.

'Right now, Tobes,' mum answered him, before then breaking free of us and dragging Toby with her towards the front door.

Charlie and I could only watch as they disappeared inside, then once they were gone he turned to me, his face showing shock.

'Did you know that she knew about us?'

'I only found out yesterday,' I replied. 'Shocked the hell out of me if you must know.'

Charlie didn't say anything to that. He looked away, somewhere off down the street I thought, as he seemed to be mulling something over.

'Are you okay, Cha-cha?' I asked him, while at the same time placing a hand on his shoulder and then gently rubbing his back. He turned back to face me, offering an odd little smile as he did so.

'I'm fine. I just… I was just wondering if mum might have known, that's all.'

'I don't know if our mothers spoke very much, but how about we ask my mum when we get the chance? If they did bump into each other in the shops, or whatever, maybe they might have talked to each other about…'

'About us, huh? That'd be kind of weird, wouldn't it?'

'Yeah, I reckon it would be,' I replied. 'C'mon. How about we go inside and grab some lunch. If the opportunity arises we can quiz her some more.'

'Okay,' he replied.

We didn't get a chance to talk to mum about it over lunch, and then she put us both to work straight afterwards, helping to prepare things for tomorrow's Christmas day lunch, as we were having family visiting. At the same time she was organising for us both to attend Midnight Mass with her and Toby tonight, which was a tradition that could not be broken apparently. Of course, that tradition never applied to my father. I can't remember him ever having attended with us.

'There's something we need to do ourselves after dinner tonight,' I said to her, as I pulled a tray from the oven with two golden, roast chickens on it, then set it down on the sink. 'But we'll meet you at the church. Is Father Costas still here?'

'Oh, yes. He often asks about you. He likes to keep track of what happens in the lives of his altar boys.'

Okay, so yeah. I was an altar boy… but only for a very short time, when I was about twelve. And before your minds dive into the gutter, the answer is no! There was nothing untoward about Father Costas. He was one of the good guys – at least as far as Catholic priests go. Instead, it was some of the townsfolk we needed to be wary of around here, but that's another story altogether. Probably a whole series of stories if you must know.

For the remainder of the afternoon we helped with the preparation of tomorrow's feast, with meats to be cooked and desserts and salads to be created, the dining room to have a table extension added to the dining table and extra chairs brought in from the garage. Then there were the table decorations to add, along with the "good" china, cutlery and glassware to be brought out and washed in readiness for the big day.

'How many people are coming?' Charlie whispered, once everything had been done and we could take a step back to admire it all. It looked like we were preparing for an invasion.

'All together… there will be twelve,' mum answered as she came to a halt beside us. 'The five of us, counting you, of course, Charlie. Then there will be my parents, along with my sister and her family.'

'Oh, wow. I-I don't think we ever had a Christmas with so many people. It was usually just my mum and me…'

'Oh, Charlie!' mum said, as she quickly went to him and hugged him close once more. 'From now on you had better get used to these kinds of gatherings in this house. I'll warn you though… we sometimes do tend to overdo things… just giving you a heads up! And I'm sure there will be plenty of food left over for you two boys to take back with you.'

Charlie gave a little laugh, but I could see by the expression on his face as he glanced my way, that he was concerned about what was coming.

For as long as I had known him – which had been since Primary school – Charlie had never spoken very much about his family life, or about his father. I had seen his entire life first hand, of course, with an absent father and a mother who worked hard to provide for the two of them, but we rarely spoke of anything about his home life.

Once, I remember him telling me that his father was a Thompsonville local, who had pissed off the moment he had found out that his seventeen-year-old girlfriend was pregnant, leaving Charlie and his mum to fend for themselves, even if they did continue to live with Claire's parents.

Chances were his father was probably a Thompson, as that family had something a reputation around town as being horny pricks who didn't care who they fucked or what the consequences were, but I would only be guessing about that. I didn't even know if Charlie was aware of his father's name, and if he did know, then it would be entirely up to him if he wanted to find out anything more about the prick who sired him and then bolted.

As for Charlie's mother, I can categorically say that she always did her very best to raise and provide for her son, working full time in the local bakery, as well as taking on other jobs when needed. Growing up, I couldn't help but admire her for the way she always managed to provide for herself and her son, but I guess it stands to reason that Christmas time was almost always a struggle for them.

In a way, I also had to admit that I envied the relationship that Charlie had with his mother, especially the closeness of that relationship, given that over the years my relationship with my own mother had always seemed somewhat distant. Mum had always seemed to be preoccupied with her social life, or with her youngest child, Toby, while leaving me to my own devices. Perhaps, in some strange way, it was because I had become so independent as I grew up and she didn't need to really be a hands-on type of mother, this allowed her the freedom to indulge in her own adventures? Who could possibly know, but I do think it's fair to say that my mother and I weren't that close during my teen years.

Lately however, at least since my return, things looked to have turned a corner. Mum was finally showing me, and Charlie as well, a loving side that seemed to have previously only be reserved for my kid brother, and I was loving it.

After hugging Charlie and then letting him go, she turned her attention back to the dining room setting, casting a critical eye over everything, adjusting a few things here and there as Charlie and I looked on in amusement.

While she was still doing this I felt Charlie touch my arm and I turned to look at him.

'I'll be back in a minute,' he quietly said, before cocking a thumb towards the hallway, where the bathroom was.

'Okay. I'll still be here when you get back,' I replied, before I watched him leave. 'Everything to your satisfaction?' I asked my mother.

'Oh, honey. Everything is perfect. And now I think we all deserve a drink,' she answered, before heading through to the kitchen.

'We'll just have a Coke,' I said, as I followed her.

'What? You are allowed something else if you want it,' she replied.

'Yeah, I know… but…'

'Oh, I see,' she replied, while pulling some glasses from the cabinet. 'So, is Charlie okay after the events of the last few days? And where did he get to now?'

'He's just down the hall. And yes, everything is fine after what happened.'

'Oh, right. That's good to hear.'

I was leaning back against the kitchen sink watching her as she set about filling the glasses now set up on the table.

'While Charlie's not here, can I ask you something?' I said quietly, but not before glancing down the hall to make sure the coast was clear.

'Of course, Kieran. Anything.'

'It's about… Claire,' I said. 'Did you and her ever talk? I mean, I know you weren't exactly close friends or anything like that, but did you sometimes bump into each other and talk about more than just the weather, or the price of bread in the bakery? And please don't think I'm having a go at you or anything like that, but you at least had the two of us in common, so did you ever discuss me and Charlie, or anything else?'

Mum looked shocked for just a moment, which I guess she was entitled to be, but then she finished pouring herself a wine and smiled at me.

'Oh, darling,' she said to me quietly. 'I know it may have looked like we weren't exactly friends, but the truth is we did talk, and probably more often than you would imagine. It's just… I don't know… we just moved in different circles, that's all. And yes, we often talked about the two of you, if you must know. We could both see your friendship and what you meant to each other, but we agreed that you guys needed to figure things out for yourselves, without having a pair of meddling mothers sticking their noses in where they weren't needed.'

I picked up the glass of Coke she had poured me and took a sip as I contemplated what had been said.

'So, you both knew about me and Charlie, but never said anything?'

'Well, I can't exactly vouch for whether Claire ever said anything, but yes, I was pretty sure she also knew about the two of you. I've never said a word to anyone though, not even your father… well, at least until the other night. As I've already said, you guys needed to work things out for yourselves, and if things ever went to the next level, then that was your business and nobody else's.'

Just then we heard the sound of the toilet flushing and then the water being turned on in the bathroom.

'Thank you,' I said to her. 'When the time is right, would you tell that to Charlie for me? I think he would like to know.'

'So they never spoke of it either?'

'No. I don't think so. And I think it feels like her knowing about us is something that was important to him, but he never got the chance to tell her. Maybe if she said something about already knowing about us…'

'Well, I'll see what I can do,' mum answered, just as we heard Charlie coming down the hall to join us once more. I picked up the glass that had been poured for him and handed it to him.

'Thank you,' he said to me.

It was while we were still in the kitchen that my father arrived home early from his work and came through the back door. When he noticed Charlie he stopped short for just a moment as they looked at each other.

'Charlie! It's good to see you,' my father said to him, before stepping over and offering his hand.

'Thank you, sir,' Charlie replied. Their relationship had always been quite straight, almost formal, which I think was in part due to the fact that Charlie didn't exactly have a father figure in his life and he wasn't always sure about how to react. He was always very careful, perhaps cautious, around my father.

'And I was so sorry to hear about your mother,' my father added.

'Thank you.'

'So, I hear we will be seeing more of you,' dad said to him, before glancing my way.

'Is… errr… that a problem, sir?'

'What? Oh, absolutely not, Charlie! You have always been welcome here, and you always will be. You and Kieran are obviously, well, sorting things out, and I'm happy to see that. I truly am.'

I looked at mum, then at Charlie, then my father, while I started wondering just what was going on here.

'Dad?' I ventured, with a note of caution in my voice.

'What? Oh, don't worry yourself, Kieran. I know I may have been a bit concerned about the two of you at first, but I've had some time to think about it now…'

'Concerned? You said you didn't have a problem with us,' I said, and possibly with a little more venom than was deserved. Dad looked at me and frowned slightly.

'And I don't!' he replied. 'It has just taken me a little while to get my head around things, that's all… so if sometimes your old dad happens to say the wrong thing over the next couple of days, or generally puts his foot in it, please know that it's not coming from a dark place… I'm still learning here as well, you know. Now if you'll all excuse me, I think I'll just make myself scarce, until dinner is ready.'

We all watched as dad left the kitchen, but when he had gone and I turned to look at Charlie I could see his face appeared ashen. Quickly I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him, not caring in the slightest just who might see us.

'Don't worry about him,' I whispered to Charlie. 'He'll be fine, I'm sure. This is going to be a learning experience for all of us, believe me.'

Despite the prospect of our Christmas Eve dinner, the first with Charlie in attendance as a part of the family, possibly becoming an awkward affair it went surprisingly well.

Mum was still insisting on her Christmas traditions being stuck to, of course, and that began with us saying grace at the start of the meal. Hell, we never did that any other day, or for any other meal, but she reminded us that it was Christmas and there were some things that just had to happen. She could be a stickler for tradition sometimes, my mum. Midnight Mass, in about six hours time, would be the next of those. And then there would be all of tomorrow to face, which both excited me and scared me. I mean, who doesn't get excited by Christmas?

Charlie and I helped clear the table after our meal, which proved to be roast chicken and vegetables – one of those I had pulled from the oven earlier – which, given we would be eating salad for the next few days, was most welcome. It wasn't long, however, before we were hunted from the kitchen by my mother.

'Toby and I can load the dishwasher,' my mother told us. 'You've done a lot today, for which I am grateful. Why don't you boys go and relax for a while, before we go to mass later?'

'You sure?' I asked.

'Of course,' my mother replied, while giving me a kiss on the cheek as she passed me and walked to the refrigerator, from which she pulled out two cans of soft drink and handed them to us. 'Why don't the two of you head outside. We might even come and join you shortly, unless you have other plans.'

'Well, we were going to go for a drive in a little while,' I offered.

'Anywhere special?' my mother asked.

'Just up to the mountainside lookout. A chance to just get away from all the Christmas rush, before the madness starts.'

'That sounds like a good idea, but can you hold off for a bit… I think you dad might want to have a quiet chat with the two of you.'

'He what?'

'Don't panic. It's nothing to worry about. He just wants to make sure you are both doing okay… so how about you just cut him a little slack. He really is trying, you know.'

'I know, mum.'

At that she gave us a nod, then whooshed us outside into the descending twilight.

As we crossed the yard and found a seat on the garden bench near our barbeque, I glanced at Charlie and noticed the worried expression on his face.

'He's not that bad, mate,' I said, trying to reassure him. 'I don't think there's anything for us to worry about.'

He took a sip from his can of soft drink and then leaned back on the bench, gazing up into the colourful sky.

'It just feels… strange, you know? I mean, I've known your parents for as long as I've known you… they've always been around when we've been together, but now it's almost like… I don't know… like they're becoming my parents too, in a way… and I feel like a little kid again, having to learn all over again not to mess up. It just feels a bit overwhelming.'

'They both love you in their own way. I'm sure of that.'

'You think so?'

'Yeah, I do. Mum might have been a bit aloof over the years, but after what has happened lately she has snapped out of that state of mind, or whatever it was she has been in these past few years. And while dad might appear to be struggling, I think mum might be right. I think he's coming around.'

'About us, you mean?'

'Yeah.'

Just at that moment we heard the back door on the house bang shut and looked up to see my father coming our way, with a beer in his hand.

'Here goes,' I whispered, as I reached across and took his hand in mine. There was no attempt to pull away, so I took that as being a good sign.

We watched as dad walked towards us, his gaze fixed on us, but then focusing on our intertwined hands. He stopped and looked down for a moment, before taking a seat on the other bench.

The evening was beginning to cool off, and as darkness began to descend the sounds of the night began to fill the air… insects chirping, the surf rolling in to the nearby beach, the light traffic around town, dogs barking someplace, and the muted sound of music being played somewhere else.

Dad took a sip from his beer, then looked across at us. A smile seemed to come to his lips, but it was difficult to imagine what he might be thinking.

'So, that went well, I thought,' dad said. 'That was a lovely meal, which your mum said you both helped with. Thank you for that. At least it wasn't ham and salad, like we'll be getting for the next week.'

'Yeah. It was nice… and I guess, after tomorrow, it's that time of year for leftovers. We should be used to it by now.'

'Hmmm… I guess you're right there. And speaking of getting used to things, like I said earlier inside, please don't think too harshly of me if I put my foot in it over the next few days.'

'We won't,' I replied.

'I can see you do care about each other a great deal. I guess it's not quite what I imagined I would be seeing when you got to this age, Kieran… not that I really had anything in mind. And I'm not sure what your grandparents and other relatives might think or say tomorrow, so I just thought you might need to keep that in mind for when they get here.'

'It's okay, dad. I guess Charlie and I are kind of getting used to the whole thing ourselves. We'll be careful,' I replied, while glancing Charlie's way to see what his reaction might be. He smiled at me and gave a little nod, which was a relief.

'And what about you, Charlie?' dad continued. 'How are you doing after, well, after losing your mum? I don't mean to pry, but if there's anything at all that you need help with, you only have to ask. I'd be happy to talk to lawyers or anyone like that if you need some help… I know it's never easy dealing with everything that happens after losing a loved one.'

'Th-thank you,' Charlie replied. 'I would appreciate that. I've spoken with the lawyers, but found it hard to understand all their mumbo-jumbo, so maybe some help might be good. They want to talk to me again in the new year.'

'Only too glad to help out, son. Let's talk about it after Christmas is out of the way, eh?'

Son? Did I just hear that right? My father actually called Charlie, son?

'Thank you,' Charlie replied, as I gave his hand a gentle squeeze, which didn't go unnoticed by my father.

After that, things seemed to go quiet for a while, as we all finished our drinks, lost in our own thoughts. Eventually it was my father who broke the silence, when he mentioned that mum had told him we were planning on going for a drive.

'Anything special planned?' he asked, before getting to his feet.

'Not really. Just sharing a bit of quiet time and watching the world go by,' I answered.

'Well, don't forget your mother wants to see you at Midnight Mass!'

'Like I would ever be allowed to forget that?' I replied. For a moment my father smiled down at us, before giving us a nod, and then starting the short walk back to the house.

I watched his back as he took a few steps, his outline appearing different somehow. It took a moment, but then I realised what it was; he was walking with his shoulders slumped slightly, and with his back stooped. It was almost like he had accepted defeat, or resigned himself to something happening that he never saw coming.

Then came the next realisation. I was the cause of that.

'Merry Christmas, dad,' I called out to him.

He stopped and looked back at us, as I got to my feet and walked over to him, then briefly hugged him.

'Merry Christmas, son. And to you as well, Charlie,' he said to us.

'We'll see you in the morning,' I added, just as Charlie joined us. 'We'll be around for breakfast.'

'Alright then. You boys have a good night, and we'll see you tomorrow.'

It was a clear summer night when we drove up to the lookout a short time later, along the winding and narrow road that led to small car park about half way up, atop a ridge that protruded from the mountainside. The first time we came here a number of years ago, which began our new Christmas Eve tradition, we had hiked along a trail that wound through a forest, before climbing a few steep sections in order to reach our destination. Things are so much easier now we are able to drive, though sometimes I think it would be nice to relive that earlier adventure and hike our way to the top once more.

Perhaps we'll one day manage to do that again.

I drove across the car park and stopped, facing a sturdy wooden fence, then cut the engine. When the sound of the engine subsided the darkness and the quiet of the evening took over, settling upon us like a blanket, while above us the moonless sky was filled with a million pin pricks of light. For a few moments we just sat there in silence, looking out towards the twinkling lights of the town below us.

Charlie reached across and took hold of my hand and just held it between us. Nothing was said. There was nothing that needed to be said. This was our time and the world around us was fading into the darkness. Nothing else mattered but our right here and right now.

Outside of our car, the night was coming alive, with the sounds of insects and birds filling the air. Sound was also travelling up from the town below us, with vehicles to be heard, along with the soft sound of music, most likely coming from the pub, being heard in short bursts as it was carried on the breeze up the side of the mountain to where we sat, and from there to the peak, before becoming lost to the darkness beyond.

'It's so nice up here, don't you think?' Charlie said softly after we had been sitting there for a few minutes.

'It sure is.'

'First time I came here I think I was about seven years old. Mum brought me here and we had a picnic, sitting at the table at the far end and looking down at the town and the lake and the sea, stretching out for as far as we could see…'

'I don't think too much has changed since then,' I replied.

'Except for…' he started to say, but quickly stopped.

'I know, mate. I know,' I said, as I squeezed his hand. 'She always did her very best for you, I'm sure of that.'

'Yes, she did.'

Silence stretched out for a few moments and my thoughts drifted to happier times for my boyfriend, before finally a single sob snapped me back to the present.

In an instant I pulled Charlie to me and hugged him tight.

'I m-miss her s-so f-fucking m-much, Kieran,' he sobbed, with his face buried into the crook of my neck.

'I know, babe. I know,' was all I seemed to be able to say.

plied as he took my hand and led me from his bedroom and towards the front door.

We were still grinning at each other when Charlie pulled his car to a halt in front of my family home a short while later. It felt to me that following this morning's event something had shifted in our relationship. We had gone to the next level, and Charlie in particular seemed to have a glow to him that I hadn't seen in a long, long time.

Today was going to be a big day for both of us. It was our first Christmas together as a couple, and for now it was only my immediate family who were aware of our relationship. Would we be able to keep it that way for today, or would it be inevitable that by this afternoon our secret would be out and my extended family would be fully aware of our relationship. I hadn't given it any thought up until now, but as I walked towards the front door of my family's home, hand in hand with my new boyfriend, the ramifications of what this day might bring suddenly hit me!

What would my grandparents, and my uncle and aunt, and my cousins all think? How would they all react?

I stopped in my tracks, and stared at the Christmas wreath attached to the front door of the house in which I had grown up, which forced Charlie to stop also.

'What's up?' he asked me.

'I… I'm not sure.'

'Bullshit!'

It seemed that in a matter of minutes our roles had just been reversed. My recent confidence in dealing with what I had discovered upon my return home had gone out the window, while Charlie's recent doubts and insecurities seemed to have been replaced with a new-found self-assurance. Was this the result of what had happened this morning, or was that something altogether different?

Before I could even respond to him, however, the front door of the house was flung open, with Toby rushing out into the fresh Christmas morning, wearing only his pyjama bottoms and yelling, 'Merry Christmas my two brothers!' before racing down the path and embracing us both in a group hug.

Well, if the whole world didn't know about Charlie and me before this, then they sure as hell would know it now! Somehow though, having the whole world know about us didn't really concern me that much; after all hadn't we been seen holding hands last night at mass? Nan and Pop and the rest of the family, however, they were a different story all together.

I saw Charlie look my way with a smile on his face and his eyebrows raised. I could only smile back, but I still had some reservations about what this day might bring. I figured I would try to talk to my immediate family before the invading hordes arrived for lunch.

'Merry Christmas, Tobes!' I said to my brother, as I kissed him on the cheek then steered him and Charlie towards the front door.

'Did you buy me a present?' he eagerly asked.

'Oh, shit! I knew I forgot something!' I replied, while lying through my teeth. I had smuggled my presents in with me when I returned home and had already placed them under the tree. I had bought him a new model ship to assemble. It was only Charlie that I'd had to buy something for when I got back to town, but had managed to find a gift at a local store between all my racing around over the past few days.

When I glanced at Toby's face I could see the look of disappointment that was etched there, but I could also sense that his brain was ticking over as he digested what I had said, then weighed that up against every other Christmas that had gone before.

'I bet you're telling fibs again,' he finally said to me.

'Well, how about we go and say Merry Christmas to mum and dad, then have some breakfast so we can find out,' I answered as the three of us walked through the front door.

We found my parents in the kitchen, with mum frying some eggs, while my father was at work slicing some ham for us all. This had been our traditional Christmas breakfast for as long as I could remember. Traditions can be hard to break, you know?

'Kieran! Charlie!' my mother exclaimed as we entered the room, before coming to us, spatula still in hand, and then hugging us both and saying. 'Merry Christmas!'

'Good Morning. And Merry Christmas, to you both as well,' I replied, before giving my mother a kiss and shaking my father's hand. The greetings were quickly repeated by Charlie.

After my small crisis outside the front door a few moments ago I was still feeling a little shaken, and I could see Charlie watching me and how I was reacting with my parents, so I made an effort to put on a brave front.

'So, I see we're right on time,' I said to my folks.

'Yes, you are. So how about you put the kettle on and then get some plates out,' mum commanded. While saying this she was looking me up and down and frowning slightly. I knew exactly what would be going through her head right now; something about these not being suitable clothes to be wearing for a Christmas meal.

It was all I could do not to laugh. Instead I simply said, 'I'll change after breakfast, and before we do the presents. And while I'm at it I might as well throw some of my clothes into a suitcase so I can take them with me.'

'I think that might be a good idea, Kieran,' mum said, as she patted me on the shoulder, then returned to the eggs on the stove, oblivious to the fact that her second son was still wearing nothing more than pyjama bottoms.

Glancing at Charlie I could see him offering a wry smile. He knew exactly what was happening here.

Breakfast proved to be an enjoyable affair, with my parents surprising me with how accepting and welcoming they were towards Charlie. This whole situation was new to us all, yet the conversation and laughter flowed, just like it always seemed to have done, with my new boyfriend seeming to be totally at ease with my family.

For one fleeting moment I wondered if what Father Costas had said last night may have helped contribute to the softening of my mother's long held views. I guessed I would have to wait for that one to be answered.

As we stacked our plates on the kitchen sink once finished, mum said, 'While we clean up and stack the dishwasher, why don't you go and get changed, before we all open the presents?'

'Are you sure?' I said to her.

'Yes, now why don't you go and make yourself presentable!' she replied. It was more command than question, and we all knew it, but I wasn't going to simply take it without offering some sort of challenge in return.

'What about him?' I asked, while cocking a thumb towards my kid brother.

My mother frowned slightly, while my father smiled, then winked at me. He knew.

'Well… errr… yes. Toby, you should go and get dressed as well, young man. We don't want you looking like that when your grandparents arrive!'

The fact that it would be another two hours before they would get here was irrelevant.

As the three of us headed out of the kitchen I noticed my father raise his fist and hold it in front of him just before I reached him. I did the same and we bumped fists as I passed, then disappeared down the hallway in the direction of my bedroom.

'Sorry about that,' I quietly said to Charlie as we reached my bedroom. 'Mum has some funny ideas sometimes.'

'Don't they all?' he replied with a chuckle.

'I guess.'

'So, you want to talk about what happened outside earlier?' Charlie asked.

He was sitting on the edge of my bed, while I stripped off the clothes I was wearing, then hurriedly went about finding something to wear that my mother would approve of. I had no intentions of making this day any more awkward than it was already shaping up to be.

I stopped in mid-flight, standing there in only my socks and jocks, and looked at him.

'Well?' he asked again.

With a sigh I sat down on my bed beside him, as I tried to gather my thoughts. Charlie was just looking my way but saying nothing.

'It's just… well… I'm a little scared,' I said to him.

'Of what?'

'Not what. Who!'

'I don't get it.'

'Look. We've been friends for so long, right? So you know my family… you know my grandparents, and you've met some of my other relatives. I'm just not sure how they might react today if they find out about us , that's all.'

'You seemed perfectly happy holding my hand in front of Father Costas and half the town last night.'

'I know, I know… but they aren't family are they? They weren't going to be quite so… judgemental… and if they were, it's not like we would see them every day. I know mum has been great, but you know what mum can sometimes be like though, so snobbish when she wants to be, which I'm sure comes from my grandparents… so if they, and all the others, don't approve then they will be sure to let us know, and I don't know how I'll be able to handle it if that's what happens.'

'You're kind of talking in riddles here, but I think I get where you're coming from,' Charlie replied. 'I also reckon you're overthinking this whole thing. So what if they don't approve?'

'But they're family. And family are almost always worse than strangers can ever be!'

'I… I wouldn't really know about that,' Charlie said quietly, and suddenly I felt like a total dick. How could I have been so fucking clueless?

'Oh, God! I… I… I didn't mean…' I managed to voice as I quickly swung down onto my knees in front of him and took his hands in mine.

'It's okay, Kieran. I know you didn't mean anything by it,' he replied, while giving my hands a squeeze. 'It's going to be fine. We'll both get through today unscathed, because even if your family find out and can't handle our news, it is our lives that matter, and our lives have nothing to do with them! They can't hurt us with their words, and if they try, then I'm sure your parents will be there for us.'

'I so hope you're right,' I replied, just as we heard footsteps coming down the hallway.

'Are you boys coming?' I heard my mother ask, just as I looked up at the doorway to see her stop and look down at me, a look of what could only be described as shock on her face.

I could just imagine what would be going through her head right now, seeing me almost naked and on my knees in front of Charlie.

'What's going on here?' mum demanded to know.

'We're fine, mum. Just give us a minute please,' I replied. 'We'll be out as soon as I'm dressed and I'll explain then.'

With a frown she turned and left us, without saying another word, so I stood up, dragging Charlie to his feet as well.

'I'm so sorry, babe,' I said, before hugging him. 'Now I better find some clothes and we'd best get ourselves out there. But at some stage, and before the others arrive, I need to talk to the folks about how I'm feeling.'

A quick rummage through my wardrobe soon produced my favourite shirt, which I quickly pulled on and started to button up, only to be stopped by Charlie stepping up and then finishing the job for me. When he was done he leaned in and kissed me.

'It's going to be fine,' he repeated. 'We've got this.'

'I can only hope you're right,' I answered, before kissing him back, and then pulling on a pair of dress pants. Once I had zipped up and added a belt I held out my hand for him, then together we walked out into the lounge room, where Toby and my parents were waiting.

'You guys took your time,' Toby chided us.

'Your brother couldn't decide what to wear, Tobes,' Charlie answered. I couldn't miss the look that passed between my parents though.

'Well, at least he looks the part now, though. Right, Toby? Wouldn't you agree?' mum remarked.

'Yeah. So, hot!' he replied, then laughed a crazy laugh that he sometimes produced when he got all excited, while rocking back and forth on his seat.

Charlie and I sat ourselves down on the two-seater lounge, with Toby moving down onto the floor in front of us and leaning back against our lounge, between our legs.

'Come on, dad! It's present time!' he said.

'Alright, son. If you insist,' my father replied, before moving over to the tree and selecting a gift from beneath it. After a couple of goes he found one with Toby's name on it and handed it over to my excitable teenage brother, before he then handed another gift to my mother.

Another one for Toby followed, then he surprised Charlie by handing him the small gift that I had purchased for him. Somewhat hesitantly he took the parcel and turned it over in his hands a few times, feeling the weight of it, then looking at the attached card, before looking from dad, to me, and then to my mother, all the while with an odd, almost pained, expression on his face.

'I don't… I mean, I haven't…' he started to say, but I quickly placed a hand over his.

'Shhh… Merry Christmas, Charlie. Just enjoy it,' I said to him. 'I care about you… we all care about you. So don't go overthinking it, okay?'

He blinked a few times, then looked back at the present.

'Thank you,' he said to me.

'No. Thank you,' I replied, before leaning over and giving him a quick peck on the cheek. As soon as I did this, I realised my parents would no doubt be looking my way and quickly glanced around, somewhat sheepishly, to see that confirmed.

Both their expressions appeared to be thoughtful, almost sombre, but nothing was said. We were quickly brought back to the present, however, when Toby excitedly said, 'Oh, wow! A remote-control racing car! Vroom! Vroom!'

Charlie opened his gift, unwrapping it carefully instead of just ripping it open, as Toby was doing, before soon pulling a heavy metal necklace from the packaging. I had spotted it in the window of a local gift store and was attracted to it, so figured that on short notice it would be a great gift for Charlie.

He held it up in front of him, carefully looking at the design, the appearance of which wasn't unlike plaited rope or leather, yet in shiny, polished pewter.

'It's beautiful,' he said, just before I took it from him and undid the clasp, then reached around his neck and reattached the two ends. Against his tanned skin it looked stunning, but the loving expression on his face meant so much more.

After that, the gift giving continued, with us all receiving our share of presents, including Charlie, who received a couple more surprises from my parents, while the pile of wrapping paper in the middle of the floor continued to grow.

When we were finally done, my father headed for the kitchen, returning with a large garbage bag, which he handed to Toby.

'Fill 'er up, kiddo,' he said to my brother, who threw himself into the task, with Charlie's help.

As we watched them at work my mother leaned over towards me and very quietly asked, 'So, you were going to explain what the crisis was in your bedroom earlier?'

'It's not what you were thinking,' I replied after a moment's thought, and after Charlie and Toby left us to take the rubbish outside. 'It was just me putting my foot in it with something I said to Charlie.'

'Oh?'

'I'd said something about families, because I was worried about what might happen when our family arrived today, and he replied by saying that he wouldn't know about that. I felt like such a heel and knew I'd stuffed up as soon as I said it.'

'Oh. So you two weren't… you know…'

'Weren't what? Fooling around?' I asked, with a wry grin. 'No, mum. It was nothing like that. But while we're talking about families, like I said, I am kind of worried about today and about how Nan and Pop, or the others might react if they find out about Charlie and me, if you know what I mean.'

'Let's just play it by ear,' mum replied, just as Toby and Charlie came back inside. Reaching across she patted my knee and then stood up. 'Right then, who's going to help get everything ready for our Christmas lunch? There is still a lot to do and it won't be long before the rest of the family arrive.'

Somewhat reluctantly the three of us followed her to the kitchen, where we were soon put to work.

I t was eleven-thirty on the dot when we heard the sound of a vehicle pull up on the street outside our house, which was almost immediately followed by the sound of car doors being slammed. Toby jumped up from the lounge room floor, where he had been sitting and playing with a remote control car that he had received for Christmas, and pulled back the curtain.

'It's Nan and Pop,' he excitedly called out, before racing outside to greet them. 'Merr-e-e-e-e-e Christm-a-a-r-s-e,' we could clearly hear him calling as he ran down the path towards the front gate.

'And a very Merry Christmas to you too, Toby,' I heard my grandmother reply.

As Charlie and I looked at each other we could hear their greetings and laughter as my parents also went outside to greet them.

'I think I'm going to throw up,' I muttered, as I got to my feet and looked out the window, just in time to see a second car pull up and the rest of the family arrive. At this point I started pacing back and forth in the living room.

'No, you're not,' Charlie said, trying to reassure me. 'There's absolutely no need to say anything to anyone unless we have to, okay? Like we talked about earlier, just act normally and don't even give them any reason to even question our friendship or relationship. That's all you've got to do.'

'That could be easier said than done,' I replied.

'We've got this,' he said, repeating what he had said earlier. 'And just remember, whatever happens, we're in this together.'

I could only smile at him, grateful for his support. I knew that he had my back, just as I had his, but now, with the whole family about to surround us, the weight of it all on my shoulders somehow felt different. I just wanted to get through it, and with minimum hassle, and that, I knew, was going to be our challenge.

Through the living room window we watched as my family greeted each other, with hugs and kisses all round. Even from where we were, inside the house, I could still hear all their chatter. I also heard my name mentioned a couple of times. Of course, there was no chance of me being able to lay low now.

'I guess we're finally here then,' I said with a sigh.

'Well, let's do this,' Charlie said, while placing a hand on my shoulder.

Moments later w e walked outside into a warm and sunny Christmas day, with my family erupting in a chorus of greetings. It was a chaotic scene, as it always was when we got together. My grandparents were first to embrace me, followed by Aunt Trish and Uncle Leo, then my three cousins; Kevin, who was nineteen, Pippa, who was seventeen, and thirteen-year-old Stuart.

Hugs, kisses and high fives seemed to be the order of the day. It was good to see them, but it was already becoming kind of exhausting.

While I was greeting them Charlie stood back with my parents, just watching the goings on. When I glanced back at him, just after being smothered in a hug from Aunt Trish, I caught him grinning at me. I think the bastard was actually enjoying this.

It was Nan who was the first to reach Charlie. I heard her ask, 'You're Kieran's school friend, aren't you??'

'Yes ma'am,' I heard him reply. I wasn't sure where he had picked up the American term from – probably too many American movies at a guess – but I could tell he was trying to be polite, in his own way.

Nan turned to my mother and was about to ask her something when mum stepped in first. 'Yes, mum. He's Kieran's friend, Charlie. Unfortunately, Charlie's mum passed away not long ago, and now we're all the family that Charlie has, so you had best get used to seeing him hanging around.'

Mum glanced my way when she said that and offered a smile, which was returned.

'Oh, no. I'm so sorry to hear that,' Nan said, before wrapping him up in one of her well-renowned hugs.

Now it was my turn to grin at Charlie, as he looked at me, slightly horrified.

When all the greetings and introductions were done, we finally started making our way inside, with Uncle Leo carrying an esky – no doubt filled with their contributions to our Christmas lunch – and with Kevin and Pippa carrying a number of presents. Our gifts for them were still under the tree, and these were soon joined by those that my cousins had brought in with them.

'Right then, before we start serving up lunch, who wants a drink?' I heard dad ask us.

' Want a drink? Or should that be who needs a drink?' asked Uncle Leo.

'Well, I think we'll all be needing one sooner or later, today,' dad replied, laughing.

As some drinks were poured for everyone and passed around, mum dished up some nibbles, placing them on the low table in the living room for us all. For the next half hour or so we sat around talking and catching up, finding out what everyone had been up to of late.

Nan and Pop had just come back from visiting Pop's brother and family in Victoria. Uncle Leo and Aunt Trish were planning to go on a cruise. Kevin hoped to soon be starting his first year at university, while Pippa and Stuart were still in high school. I answered a few of the usual types of questions one could expect, such as how long I was home for and how was work going, then receiving the expected commiserations when I told all that I'd been retrenched, but not wanting to dwell on that I did my best to change the subject and we soon moved on.

Once the catch-up was out of the way it was time to open the remaining presents, so these were quickly handed out, along with all the appropriate thank yous and comments of appreciation exchanged. Then it was time to prepare for lunch, which, as always – in our household in the middle of a hot Australian summer – consisted of cold meats and salads, and plenty of them.

The mood amongst us all was light, as was usually the way with most of our family gatherings; there were rarely any major blow-ups or confrontations within our family. I got on well with all of them. I enjoyed laughing with my cousins, and sometimes playing games. I had no reason to think, even allowing for how my mother could sometimes be, with her odd indifference to various things or people, that today would be any different, unless the news of me and Charlie leaked out and the whole day went to shit!

When the time came, mum, her sister, and Nan set about pulling out the salads and plates of sliced meat that we had already prepared. At least we already had the table set and ready.

Picking up my couple of new presents – unsurprisingly they were clothes – I nudged Charlie and signalled that I was going to take them to my bedroom, then we got to our feet and excused ourselves, before going down the hall to my room.

'That wasn't too bad,' Charlie said to me as I dropped the clothes onto my bed. 'Your family is nice. I've always thought so.'

'I guess it could have been worse, I suppose. But they haven't had the bombshell dropped on them yet, have they?' I replied, before pulling him close. 'Anyway, you know I'd rather be spending time with you than them though,' I added, before leaning in for a kiss.

Just then we heard a gasp, coming from the direction of the doorway. When I glanced that way I saw Kevin and Stuart standing there, with Kevin's hands on his brother's shoulders. Stuart's mouth was open and his eyes wide. I quickly let go of Charlie, but before I could say or do anything, Stuart was off and running.

'Kieran kissed Charlie! Kieran kissed Charlie!' we heard him yell, as he ran back down the hallway to the living room.

'Oh, fuck!' I hissed, as I looked at Kevin, then at Charlie, while feeling the blood drain from my face and as my hands started to shake.

When I next glanced back towards the door Kevin was gone, while down the hall I could hear my relatives jabbering excitedly.

'It's going to be fine,' Charlie tried to reassure me.

If only I could believe that.

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Traditions

by Mark Peters

Chapter 3