Westpoint Tales
by Kiwi
The Last Time
Chapter 2
Marty won the race and he spoke to their father on his cell. "Dad, can we come out now? We've been stuck in here for hours and we're not fighting anymore."
Andy chipped in, "Tell him that Uncle Justin's waiting for us. We're going kayaking."
"Yeah, yeah. He heard that. Okay, thanks Dad. We'll tell him. See you later"
Marty closed his phone and grinned at his brother. "It's done; we're out of here."
"Cool. About time too. Who are we going to tell and what are we going to tell him?"
"We're supposed to tell Justin to send us straight back here if we start fighting again."
"Are we going to do that?"
"What do you think? Not likely! Come on, let's go while the going's good."
They headed up the main street, to the Adelphi Hotel, and burst into the kitchen together.
"Hey."
"Gran."
"Where's Uncle Justin?"
"We're going kayaking with him."
"Hello my Lovely Boys," Kathleen replied. "Nice to see you too. Justin is up on the roof. Go and get him down and tell him to be careful."
"Okay, sure. But, what's he doing on the roof?"
"Just checking it out. We asked for a quote to paint it, but Mr. Squires says that he doesn't know if it's worth it, we're going to need a new roof soon. You know Justin, he won't spend a cent unless he has to. He can be quite mean sometimes."
"Hey! No he's not," Marty protested. "Uncle's always very generous to us."
"Yeah," Andy agreed. "He bought us the kayaks and all the gear to go with them. Justin is easier to get money out of than Dad is."
"Okay, he's not mean; not with people he loves. But he hates spending money on things. If we need a new roof, then we need one, it's that simple.
He's been up there for an hour. Tell him to get down. I don't like him being up there. He's far too clumsy to be clambering around on rooftops. He wouldn't be doing it if Billy was at home."
"Right. Where is Billy anyway?"
"He's away, in Wellington, with Jeremy and Junior's cricket team. Go and get Justin down, and tell him to be careful. Superboy he might be, but he can't fly."
"Okay, Gran. We'll get him down and then you can stop worrying."
"About the roof, yeah," Marty grinned. "Then you can worry about him getting drowned - we're going kayaking."
"I don't worry about him in a kayak, he can handle that. It's just heights that he's no good at. And, Boys, if you're going out on the water, you make sure that you're wearing your lifejackets."
"No worries, Gran. Justin wouldn't let us go without them."
"Well that's good. It's a pity that he doesn't worry a bit less about other people and more about himself."
"Are you saying that he shouldn't worry about us, Gran?"
"Like that's going to happen! Anyway, Justin doesn't have to worry about himself, he's got you to do that for him."
"Get out of here, you Scamps! Go and get your uncle off the roof."
"See you later, Gran."
"Goodbye Boys. Have fun and be careful out there."
"We will. 'Bye Dee."
"What's that?" Dee looked around from the kitchen computer where she was working. "Oh. Hello Boys, goodbye Boys."
"Laters, Dee."
Marty followed Andy out of the back door. "It's no wonder that old Connors retired. She could never handle cooking with a computer."
"Go on. It's easy - even Justin can do it."
"Yeah, and if he can, anyone can do it."
Out the back of the hotel, there was a long, extended, aluminium ladder running up to the 2nd storey roof.
"Whoah. That's a long way up!" Marty looked up the length of the ladder. "You stay here and I'll go and get him."
"Why can't I come up too?"
"Because you're clumsy enough to fall off the bloody roof. Don't try to deny it, you know that's true. Gran thinks that Justin is clumsy; she should take a good look at you. You stay down here and I'll go."
Marty started up the ladder. He stopped and looked down at his brother. "Just stay there and hold it steady, and no looking up the legs of my shorts."
"Why would I bother," Andy grinned. "What you've got up there is exactly the same as what I've got - exactly!"
"Maybe that's because we're identical twins. Don't look anyway."
"Identical twins? Are we really?"
"Shut up, Andy."
Marty had only gone a few steps up the ladder when Andy exclaimed, "Eww! You've got no undies on. Ya dirty bugger!"
He grinned back down. "Going 'commando', it's a hot day. And stop looking!"
Justin's face appeared at the top of the ladder. "Hello Boys. What are you arguing about now?"
"Hey."
"Uncle."
"Gran says to get down before you fall down."
"Okay, I'm coming. Get down off the ladder, Marty."
Marty returned to the ground and they both stood holding the ladder while Justin made his way down. At the bottom, he glanced back up.
"Whoah! That's a long way down."
"Uncle Justin, how did you know it was me on the ladder? You always know which one of us is which. Most people don't, but you always do."
"I dunno, Marty. I just know. I've known you boys since the day you were born - before that even. We used to watch the pair of you on the CT scans. You were fighting each other even then."
"That's because I've got a dork for a brother."
"Yeah, you have, an identical dork."
"Shut it, Dorkface."
"That's intelligent, Twin-dork!"
"Okay, okay. Enough! Sometimes you two make me glad that there's only one Jeremy. Are we going to try these kayaks out?"
"We were hoping to - it's a great day for it."
"It is that. Come on then, we'll get them out of the shed."
"Justin!" Kathleen called from the kitchen window. "It's about time you got down. You watch those boys out on the water. Don't let them go drowning themselves."
"We love you too, Grandmother. Stop worrying!"
"Worrying is what I do. You all be careful and make sure that they wear their lifejackets."
"Of course. I wouldn't let them go without them."
"See that you don't, and you wear yours too!" The window slammed shut.
"Ah, Grandmother, no wonder you've got gray hair. Come on, Boys, let's do it."
They pulled the three kayaks out from the shed behind the garage - Marty and Andy's brand-new ones and Justin's older and slightly battered one. Paddles, life-jackets and helmets were checked and placed in the kayaks, and then they took one each and carried them across the railway yard to the riverbank.
Once there, they buckled the jackets and helmets on and Justin showed the boys how to step into the splash-skirt and pull it up to fasten it around the waist. He put his own one on first and stood waiting while they wise-cracked and fell about laughing at him.
"Oh! You look so cute, Uncle, standing there in your tutu."
"Yeah, give us a twirl! Can you do a 'pas de deux'?"
"Shut up, you pair of dorks! Come on, get your skirts on and we'll get going."
"I don't know if this is my colour really. Does it clash with my eyes?"
"Sure it does, Darlin'; it suits you - real manly."
"Come on, Boys. Are we doing this or not?"
"Okay, we're coming."
They put their splash-skirts on, sat the kayaks in the water and stepped into them, fastening the skirts around the lip at the top of the opening. Taking up their paddles, they pushed out onto the river.
"Are you going to show us how to roll them over?"
"We'll leave that for later. Everything is really calm today. I thought we'd go out of the river-mouth and back around to land on Carver's Beach."
"Sounds good."
There were no boats in at all. They made their way down alongside the old wharves, below the Harbourmaster's office, and past the entrance to the fishermen's lagoon.
Marty and Andy drifted along with the sluggish current, admiring the views and enjoying the sunshine on the river. Justin was way ahead of them; he looked back and then circled back around to them.
"Come on, Girls. Get a move on. If you were any slower, you'd be going backwards."
Marty poked his tongue out at him, and then he glanced across at his brother and grinned.
"I say, I say, I say, Andy, and what do you call a man with a one-inch dick?"
Andy, who knew exactly what he was going to say, po-faced, replied, "I do not know, Marty. What do you call a man with a one-inch dick?"
They both looked at their uncle and answered together, "Just - in!" They burst out laughing.
Justin tried not to grin. He used his paddle to flick water at one and then at the other.
"Oh, that's mean! You're dead, Girls. You are so dead."
"Hah!" Marty laughed. "Maybe we should ask Billy if that's true?"
"Yeah, he'd know," Andy agreed.
"None of your business, you cheeky little sods!" Justin laughed. "You're not too big for me to put you both across my knees and spank you. Well, yes you are actually, but I could still boot your backsides for you."
"You've never booted our backsides in our lives, Uncle."
"Yeah, you love us really."
"I do love you - not sure why, but I do - Little Shits! Come on, Boys, we haven't got all day."
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