Gran's House
by Kit
Chapter 23
I drove Stephane to his nine-thirty appointment with Charles at Gratton House, an ugly new building where Linchester Social Services was situated. It was just opposite the city's stately Victorian library, and the contrast in styles was not complimentary to the city planning department. At the entrance to the library was a coffee shop, where I'd arranged to meet Stephane after the interview.
I'd been waiting for about forty minutes when he arrived and stood just inside the doorway, looking around. He appeared to be a little stressed, but when I stood and waved to him, he seemed to relax and smiled broadly. The morning had been a bit hectic, and as he walked toward me, it was the first opportunity I had to appreciate how handsome he looked in his royal blue blazer and dark grey trousers.
"Phew!" he said as he sat down opposite me. "You should have warned me."
"What about?"
"About the fact it was going to be so formal. It felt like I'd been called up in front of my old headmaster. When we started, he told me that it was going to be a brief talk so he could get to find out a little about me, but to me it felt more like an inquisition."
"That's just the way Charles is, so don't take it personally," I replied. "Anyway, apart from that, how did it go?"
"He doesn't give much away, but he seemed satisfied with my answers. Just before I left, he told me that he expected the results of the background checks in a week or so and that he'd contact you then. He also said that if I did move in, you might consider adding me to your support network list."
"Great," I replied, feeling relatively confident that things would turn out well. "Now that's over, is there anything you'd like to do for the rest of the day?"
"Well, for a start, I wouldn't mind looking round this library. It's a lot bigger and grander than the one where I live."
"Actually, it's ages since I was last inside here, but when I was still at school, I was here quite often, especially to visit the geological museum on the top floor."
"There's a museum as well?" he asked in surprise.
"It's only tiny and probably doesn't deserve to be called a museum, but it has a large collection of rocks and minerals, some of which are quite beautiful," I replied. "Actually, when I was little and my grandparents brought me, I used to think they were jewels and treasure."
"Then I have to see them as soon as I've had a look round the library, " he announced enthusiastically.
"Okay," I agreed, "and after that, as you're all dressed up, I thought we might have lunch at the hotel restaurant we went to with my godparents."
After lunch, we went home, and he changed into more casual clothes before asking me to take him to a nearby large garden centre.
"I thought that Liam might like a nice conservatory plant for his birthday," he explained. "I've got a few ideas, but it depends on what's available and what's in the best condition."
He eventually bought what appeared to be a miniature orange tree, but apparently it wasn't. In any case, I told Stephane that I was sure that Liam would love it.
After breakfast the following day, Stephane surprised me by suggesting we go for a run.
"You know you don't have to go through pain to get a massage," I joked.
"Yes, I know," he replied, "but you've not been on a run since I arrived, and I know how much you love it. So I thought I'd jog along, and I promise not to overdo it. And you won't have to go slow because I'm happy to hang back and maybe just watch you. I love watching you anytime, but you're so graceful when you run . "
After hearing that, I had to accept his suggestion. I drove us up onto the moors and started off on one of my favourite routes. He jogged along, falling further and further behind until, after just a short time, he ended up sitting on top of a hill near the centre of the circuit. Fortunately, he ' d brought my small backpack with a jacket and sweatpants, so he didn't get too cold while watching me complete the run.
When we went to collect my brothers from the foster home, we didn't stay for tea. Liam's birthday present from Stephane obviously couldn't be wrapped up, and as soon as we got home, the observant little boy saw it in the conservatory.
"That's your birthday present from me," Stephane said. "Paul tells me that you're getting an early present tomorrow, so I guess it's okay that this is early, too."
"It's a baby orange tree!" Liam shouted in delight as he ran over and began to examine it closely.
"It's not really an orange tree," Stephane said, "but it is called a Calamondin Orange ."
" It ' s beautiful, and it smells great. Thank you! Thank you! " The little boy went over and gave Stephane a quick hug before returning to study the plant.
"There's a little booklet that tells you how to look after it, and you can get more information online."
"When can I eat the fruit?"
"Even when ripe, they're sour, so you can't really eat them like fruit," Stephane explained, "but, like lemons and limes, they can be used to flavour food or drinks."
A brief look of disappointment passed across Liam's face, but it was quickly replaced by a happy smile.
The next morning, we all went to the bicycle shop, and Liam chose something that he felt didn't look like a kid's bike. In fact, it looked more like a mini BMX, and he was so thrilled that even before we left the shop, he said he wanted to go for a ride on it that very afternoon. I agreed that he could go if Connor went with him and if they stayed away from main roads. However, I told them that I'd stay home with Stephane.
"It's more fun when you go with us," Connor said to me. "You know all the best places."
"It's okay, Paul," Stephane said. "You should go with them."
In the early afternoon, after considerable internal debate and reassurances from Stephane that he didn't mind being left alone for an hour or so, my brothers and I went for a ride. Liam was delighted with the performance of his new bike, and a couple of times I had to scold him mildly for taking risks when showing off what it could do.
By the time we returned home and had showered and changed, it was time to set off to my godparents for tea. Of course, Stephane was invited, but I had to persuade him to attend because he thought he might feel out of place at a family birthday party. However, he needn't have been concerned because most of the attention was on the birthday boy.
Aunt Anne had made him a chocolate cake, topped with eight candles, and inside his birthday card was a present of eighty pounds. She quietly took me aside to explain that because of looming deadlines at work, she and her husband had been busy and hadn't had time to look for a real present. However, Liam didn't seem to mind getting cash, and on the way home he started a conversation about it.
"Paul," he asked, "if I put all this in my account, how much will I have?"
"If you want an exact answer, you'll need to wait until we get home, but with that eighty, it'll be around three hundred and fifty."
"Wow, that's a lot!" the little boy said. "Do I have to save it all?"
"No, you can spend as much as you want, but remember that when it's all gone, you won't have anything to spend on things you might really want later."
"And what about me?" Connor asked. "How much do I have?"
"About four hundred and thirty, I think, but I'll need to check."
"Mmmm, I can buy lots with that," he replied gleefully.
"Remember, you might have lots of expenses at your new school, especially if you join clubs like the sailing club."
"You won't pay for clubs?" he asked in surprise.
"I'll pay for academic clubs like science clubs or computer clubs and, of course, necessary things like football expenses, but luxury fun clubs like sailing you should pay for yourself."
"Awwww," he complained.
After the boys had gone to bed, Stephane and I snuggled together on the sofa. We weren ' t paying much attention to whatever was on TV. In any case, the sound was turned down low so that we ' d hear something if one of the boys came downstairs. Although it was extremely unlikely, we didn ' t want to risk the embarrassment of being caught kissing and cuddling.
"What did Connor and Liam mean about their accounts?" he asked. "Do they have their own bank accounts?"
I explained how I was actually their banker and how Grandad had been my banker when I was a boy.
"But that's a lot of money and a lot of responsibility for little boys," he said with a hint of disapproval.
"They're older than I was when I got an account with Bank of Grandad," I pointed out, "and they can't learn responsibility if they don't get responsibility. It's what they save from their allowance or get as presents, so it's their money."
"I suppose," he said grudgingly, "but at this rate they'll have more money than me."
"There are more important things than money," I said, pulling him closer and kissing him.
When we decided to go to bed, Stephane went upstairs while I put our mugs in the dishwasher, did security, and turned off the lights. I'd just finished that when he came back downstairs and met me as I was leaving the kitchen.
"When I was going to the bathroom," he whispered, "I saw Liam's door was wide open and his bed was empty. And he's not in the bathroom."
"Right, this is in confidence," I said, "but ever since Liam was a baby, the boys slept in the same bed. They're not supposed to do that in the foster home because it's considered inappropriate."
"But you let them do it here," he replied, but as the light was dim and he was still whispering, I couldn't detect how he felt about it.
"They lost their mum, they got moved to a strange house and school, and until they met me, they were alone in the world and only had each other. I don't see any harm in them having the emotional comfort of going on as they always have."
"At some stage, it probably will become inappropriate," he commented.
"Probably, but you know the boys. They're sensible. And I'm sure Connor will realise when it's not a good idea any more. In any case, we need to keep this to ourselves in case it affects the adoption."
"Okay," he agreed, then after a pause, he added, "but it's not fair."
"What d'ya mean?"
"When they're here, they get to share a bed, but we can't."
"Don't worry," I soothed, "I'm sure that's temporary. It won't be long until they figure out our situation or I find a good time to tell them. I'm sure at least Connor will realise that boyfriends sharing a bed is normal."
"So we're boyfriends?" he asked, as if it hadn't been obvious.
"Duh! We went beyond the 'friends with benefits' stage that night when you said you loved me."
"But you never said we were boyfriends before."
"I thought it was obvious," I said. "But okay, Stephane, shall we be boyfriends?"
"Can I think about that?" he teased, quickly adding, "Mmm, okay."
He gave me an almost-chaste kiss on the lips, then whispered in my ear.
"Maybe I can join you in bed now and sneak back to my own room later?"
"Mmm, okay," I replied.
Liam's birthday party was a great success, and he said that it was his best birthday ever, even though it wasn't actually his birthday until the following day. He told us that the five birthday cards he'd received were more than he'd ever had before, and this year he'd had two birthday parties and two birthday cakes. He also showed off the photos he'd taken of his new bike and his 'baby orange tree'.
Mike seemed reasonably happy and sociable, but I'd learned that he could mask his true feelings if he really wanted to do so. Connor seemed to be getting on with him, though with a wariness that I hadn't noticed before David discovered the files on the laptop. Although Stephane was getting on with everyone, he didn't seem totally at ease, and I had the impression that he felt relieved when we left.
"I'm really looking forward to the massage tonight," he said as soon as I turned the car out of the driveway.
"Who said you're going to get one?" I teased. "Maybe I'm too tired."
"Please, pretty please," he begged.
"What is it with you and massages, anyway?" I asked. "I mean, I don't mind, but it sometimes seems you're addicted."
"Oh, I see," he said quietly, sounding deflated. "I don't want to impose."
"You're not imposing," I protested, feeling guilty that I'd inadvertently hurt his feelings. "I'm sorry if I made it sound like that. It's just that it seems to mean more to you than just an occasional bit of fun."
He remained silent for what felt like a long time, but I didn't say anything because I felt he might need a little time to recover if I'd upset him.
"I hope you don't think I'm weird or kinky, but it is special to me," he said hesitantly. "I've never had any sort of massage before, and when you do it to me, it makes me feel so close to you."
"Close like sex?" I suggested. "After all, it usually leads to sex."
"It's more than that. It's more like an intense form of kissing and holding one another. It may lead to sex, but it's great even if it doesn't. The massages you give are much more, erm, intimate and, in a way, even better than kissing," he said. "Maybe this sounds stupid, but it's like your hands are kissing my whole body."
"I didn't realise that it gave you so much pleasure," I said, beginning to understand how something relatively ordinary for me was so special for him.
"It's not just the physical pleasure," he replied. Then there was a long pause before he continued very quietly and hesitantly, "You're going to think I'm really, really weird, but I want to be honest with you… When you massage me, I feel like you take control of my body, but I still feel safe and secure.
"Of course, it's a turn-on, but it's also It's like… like going on a roller coaster. Or better, when a parent pretends to throw a little kid in the air. The kid giggles because it's scary, but he also feels safe and sure that the parent will catch him."
"Wow," I said, a little taken aback. "I'm glad that you trust me enough to tell me that. I wouldn't call it weird, but even if it was kinky, it doesn't change how I feel about you. Actually, what you said is really turning me on, and I can't wait until we get home."
For much of the week, the weather was mostly cool, wet and windy, and only one day was suitable for running. As on the previous occasion, Stephane came along, did a little jogging, and then watched me complete the circuit. Every time I chatted with my brothers that week, Liam would ask how his 'baby orange tree' was doing, and every time I assured him that it was fine and that Stephane was taking good care of it.
During the week, Stephane went online looking for jobs in the local area while I was catching up on journal articles.
"I just put an application in," he announced happily on Wednesday morning.
"What sort of job is it?"
"Maybe it's not really a job, but it's paid work, just for a couple of months. They want someone to go through the computer listings of the reference library and physically check that the books are actually there."
"Which library?" I asked.
"The one where we met up after my interrogation by Charles. They say they'll shortlist applicants and do interviews after Easter, and the job will start at the beginning of May."
"With your degree and being such an obviously conscientious guy, you're sure to get the job," I encouraged him.
"So can we make definite plans for me moving in?"
I wasn't surprised by the question but by the timing and the way he asked. It was as if the job and moving in were somehow linked.
"Yes, of course," I replied, "but I thought we'd already agreed on everything apart from an actual date. And as you'll be doing the travelling and moving your stuff, you can decide what's best for you."
"I promised I'd be home for Easter, but I don't want to be travelling too close to that weekend," he replied. "That's why I booked the train home for the Monday before the holiday. Then I planned to come back here sometime in the week after Easter, which gives me time to pack my stuff and hire a car."
"Ah, right. I should have realised you'd have too much to bring by train." I replied, then paused as an idea occurred to me. "How long have you had a driver's licence? Have you had any insurance claims?"
"Just over four years. And no claims."
"Okay, I could probably add you to the insurance for the Golf. Then you could borrow it and not need to hire a car."
"That's very generous of you, but I've already paid for the train home," he replied, clearly still trying to think things through.
"So that money's already spent, whether you use the ticket or not," I said. "Why not do the sums and compare the total cost and convenience of the alternatives?"
"But I don't want to take advantage of your generosity."
"Actually, come to think of it, maybe I'll end up taking advantage of you," I said slowly as I considered the possibilities. "Putting you on the insurance for a few weeks probably won't cost much less than putting you on for a few months. And having another driver for the Golf could be useful for both of us.
"And," I continued, raising an eyebrow, "if you don't have to take the train on that Monday, then you can be more flexible about when you leave. Maybe stay here an extra day or two?"
"Mmmm," he said, smiling happily, "that idea sounds even better."
It didn't take us long to work out the relative costs and benefits, and the following day he was added to my car insurance. After only a couple of short drives with me as the passenger, he was familiar with the Golf's controls and with the feel of the car. Thus, we both felt confident that he could make the long trip to his parents' home.
Just before we set off to pick up my brothers for the weekend, I got an email from Carol with an update regarding the potential adopter assessment. Having read it, I decided to wait until all four of us were together so that I could inform my brothers and Stephane at the same time.
After bringing the boys home, we had a light evening meal, then Stephane and Connor watched football on TV while Liam and I went into the parlour with his keyboard. I'd already taught him the basics of reading music, and now I was helping him to practise coordinating the reading and playing. When he'd had enough, we went to join the others.
"Okay, people," I announced when the game finished, "let's go to the kitchen and get some drinks because I want to get you all up to date with something."
They looked at me, then at one another, and clearly no one, not even Stephane, knew what I was going to say.
"First of all," I said when we were all sitting at the kitchen table, "I've been accepted as an adopter, which I think was the biggest potential hurdle. The Matching Panel now has to approve, but as you're my brothers and we all want it, I can't believe they won't think we're a good match."
"Yaaayyy!" Connor and Liam yelled together.
"If all goes smoothly, the formal adoption could be around the second half of May."
"My birthday!" Connor proclaimed. "That'd be the best birthday pressie ever!"
"You can come to live here permanently then, but you'll have to keep going to your old school until the summer holidays."
"Yeah, you already told us that," he said, rolling his eyes.
"But maybe you don't realise what that means," I replied. "For example, you'll have to get up at least half an hour earlier in the morning and probably forty-five minutes earlier so that I can get you to school in time. And of course, you can't walk home. I'll have to collect you."
"No problem," Connor replied, shrugging his shoulders.
"Good," I said smugly, "let's hope you still feel that way when you have to get up at seven every school day."
"Secondly," I continued, "Stephane will be coming to live with us."
"When?" the older boy asked in a neutral tone, but frowning slightly.
Liam didn't say anything but seemed pleased at the prospect. Stephane seemed surprised but not unhappy with my announcement.
"As soon as it can be arranged," I said, responding to Connor's question.
"How long for?" he asked.
"As long as he wants," I replied, trying to keep things uncomplicated.
"So Stephane can help me with conservatory plants and in the garden," Liam said happily.
"I'd really like that," Stephane responded.
"And if you're staying here," the little boy said thoughtfully, "you should bring your bike. Then you don't have to stay at home when we go for a ride."
"I don't have a bike."
"You should get one," Liam said definitively.
"Bikes are expensive, and I'm saving up for my course at uni."
"I didn't get you anything much for your birthday last month, so a bike can be your present," I offered.
"And me and Connor can buy you a helmet for your birthday," the little boy said.
Connor didn't object, and I knew that my brothers could easily afford it, so I approved of the idea. However, Stephane was very reluctant.
"Come on, Stephane, it'd be rude to reject a birthday present, " I said, " and all of us going for a ride together will be fun."
He gave in to my entreaty, and the boys said they were going to the parlour to play a console game, but I wondered if that might be an excuse for them to talk together privately. In any case, that left me and Stephane alone together.
"You might have warned me you were going to make that announcement," he said in an amused tone.
"Sorry, but it just felt like the right time, combining it with the update on the adoption."
"That's okay. In fact, I'm glad because making it public makes it feel more real."
"What made you feel it wasn't real?"
"Being with you has been something I've dreamed of, so I keep wondering if this is a dream."
The rest of the evening went without incident, though Connor seemed to be quieter and more thoughtful than usual. He was the same the next morning, so when we were alone in the kitchen, I asked him if there was a problem. At first, he denied there was, but as we finished preparing a steak pie for lunch, he asked if we could talk in private. So we went to the dining room, shut the door, and sat at the table.
"What is it?" I asked gently and patiently. "You know that you can talk about anything with me."
"Erm, Stephane was a special friend at uni," he said very quietly, looking down at the tabletop almost as if he was ashamed of what he was saying. "I can tell he fancies you, like Mike."
"Yes, I know he does," I said, then feeling the need to reassure him, I added. "Remember, this is a private talk. What you say to me and what I say to you is our brother secret. And even more importantly, nothing you ever say to me will make me love you less. Even if you say something I don't like."
"So if you let him live here, do you fancy him, too?"
"Yes."
"But you're not gay!" he protested. Then, looking toward the door as if afraid of being overheard, he continued more quietly, "You've had girlfriends."
"Yes, I've had girlfriends, and I'm not gay," I confirmed. "I'm bisexual. Do you know what that is?"
"You like boys and girls the same."
"I like men and women, but not quite the same. I'm usually more attracted to women."
He thought about that for a few seconds, then with a frown he asked, "So if you like both, why not choose a woman?"
"People can't choose who they love, and I love a whole person, not just the bits that make them male or female."
"You love him?" he asked as if referring to something bad. "What about us? Me and Liam?"
"You're my brothers, and I'll always love you and care for you," I replied quickly, understanding his concerns. "Remember ages ago, we talked about different types of love? Your love for your mum was different from your love for Liam. Loving one doesn't mean you love the other less."
"So he's like your boyfriend?"
"Yes, but we don't want it to be public yet. Some people won't like it, and they may cause trouble. It may affect the adoption. And it may upset Aunt Anne and Uncle Geoffrey."
There was a long silence while he thought about that.
"What if he says he doesn't want you to adopt us?" he asked.
"He'd never do that because he likes you both a lot, and he'd really like us all to live together."
"But what if he said he wouldn't be your boyfriend if you adopt us?" he persisted.
"Then he wouldn't be my boyfriend," I replied, realising that this wasn't just about the adoption. "You and Liam, and what's best for you both, will always be the most important things to me. Nothing will ever decrease how much I love you. And I'll keep saying this until you believe me."
Connor looked a little happier, but I wanted to reassure him further.
"I know that Stephane would never, ever ask me to choose between him and my brothers, but if he ever did, I promise, brother promise, that I'd always choose my brothers."
"What if we asked you not to let him live with us?"
"I suppose if you had a really, really good reason and if it really would be bad for you if he lived here, then he couldn't. But I'd be very upset and hurt if you just said that to test me."
To my surprise, he started crying gently, so I moved to kneel next to his chair and hugged him tightly. Then he looked up at me, smiling happily, and I realised that they were tears of relief.
"Of course, everything we said here is our secret, and I'd never tell anyone without your permission," I said, "But I think maybe it's fair that Stephane knows that I told you about us being boyfriends. Is it okay if I let him know that?"
"You won't tell him anything else?"
"No. I'll just say that you know he's my boyfriend."
"Okay," he said, dabbing his eyes and blowing his nose, "and can I tell Liam?"
"What do you think? Do you think he'll even understand?" I asked, slightly concerned at the idea. "You know how chatty he is. Do you think he can keep it a secret?"
"He's good at keeping secrets. So if I tell him it's a brother secret, then he won't tell."
"Okay, then, you can tell him, " I conceded. "Pick a good time and make sure he knows it's a secret."
When we left the room, I didn't see Stephane or Liam, so I suggested to Connor that it would probably be a good idea to go and wash his face before going to find his little brother. He disappeared upstairs, and I found the others in the conservatory.
"There you are!" Stephane said. "We wondered where you were, then Liam told me that the dining room door was shut."
"We were just having a little chat," I said. Then, seeing the concern on both their faces, I added, "But don't worry. Everything's fine. Connor's gone to use the upstairs bathroom."
"I'll go and see how he is," the little boy said, as if he felt his older brother might need some company.
"So, what's going on?" Stephane asked me when Liam had gone.
"It was a confidential chat, so I can't tell you everything," I said, "but what I can tell you is that he knows you're my boyfriend, and everything's sorted now. It's all fine."
It was several minutes before the boys came back downstairs, and judging from the way Liam initially looked at me and Stephane, I guessed that Connor had revealed our secret. However, there was nothing negative in his expression, and it appeared to be mostly curiosity. In any case, his attitude towards us was apparently unchanged.
On Saturday evening, Stephane and I were sitting together on the sofa watching TV, and the boys were in the parlour playing on one of the consoles when David phoned. He said that Mike was wondering if I'd be going for a run on Sunday between lunch and teatime . I told him that I'd bring my kit if the weather was suitable. He also asked if Stephane would be joining us for lunch, and without thinking I said that he would and thanked David for inviting him.
"I wish you'd asked me first," Stephane complained with a frown when I told him about the invitation.
"Why?" I asked, perplexed. "Sunday lunches there are great, and it's a sort of transition time for Connor and Liam from one home to another. It's better than just dropping them off and leaving."
"I think that it's good for you to spend the afternoon there," he said in a tone that implied I'd missed something obvious. "It's great for you and your brothers, but it's uncomfortable for me."
At that point I realised that the conversation was likely to go to unexpected places, and I was glad my brothers were in the parlour.
"Why? They're nice people, and I thought they were trying to make you feel welcome."
"That's what I mean," he said with a note of exasperation. "You're all like one big happy family, and I'm the outsider they try to make feel welcome. And all the time there's the worry that if I do feel at home with them, I might accidentally show how I feel about you and what our relationship is."
"I see," I said, beginning to see his point of view, "but all you need to do is compartmentalise so the boyfriend aspect is kept separate inside the relaxed guest aspect."
"That sounds like being deceptive and putting on a mask," he said with disapproval, looking at me in mild surprise. "That's not something I'm good at and not something I'd be really comfortable with."
"That's something many people learn as they grow up," I pointed out. "You need different masks for different people and different situations, and you only take the mask off with people you really trust."
"I'd prefer it if people were like Liam," he replied sadly. "He always shows his true self. And I hope he doesn't learn to wear masks like you do."
That hurt me, and I began to feel a little annoyed, so I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and waited for my emotions to settle.
"Putting on a fresh mask?" he asked with a hint of disdain.
"What's brought all this on? Why are we arguing?" I asked after a long pause. "I'm sorry for accepting the invitation without consulting you first. Maybe it was bad manners or inconsiderate, but it just seemed the natural thing to do. I don't understand why you think that's such a big deal."
"Because you just admitted you wear masks and hide your real self, so how can I know what you really think and feel?"
"I don't hide myself from people I really love," I said, "which basically means you, Connor and Liam. And I've not put on a mask for you since that night you said you loved me."
He looked uncertain and maybe confused, and I wondered if he might be thinking about apologising. However, he shifted back to the earlier part of our conversation.
"Another thing that makes me uncomfortable there," he said, "is that Mike glares at me like he hates me."
"He's an angry boy and often shows it. It's not unusual for him to glare at people."
"Yes, I noticed that, but the glares he gives me are different. More like death stares."
My initial thought was to suggest he was being paranoid, but I decided that probably would only make things worse.
"Okay," I said and gave a deep sigh. "I'll call David and say you can't come after all. But they're my friends and my brothers' foster family. So I think that eventually it would be best if you could find a way to feel comfortable with them."
"No, don't call him. I'll go," Stephane said quickly. "You're right, I'm going to have to get used to them, but I don't want to do it by compartmentalising or using masks."
"Okay, so how can I help?"
"Try to see things from my point of view. I'm going to be moving into a house and city that I'd never even visited until a few weeks ago. Apart from you, everyone here is new to me. I'm looking for a job and uni course. I try to be self-confident like you, but it's not really me."
"So it's a mask?" I teased.
"You say I can't pay rent," he continued, completely ignoring my attempt at humour, "and it seems I'm very much dependent on your continuing goodwill. Everything makes me feel…"
His voice trailed off, and I wasn't sure if it was because he couldn't think of the right word or because he didn't want to say it. He looked at me with an expression that appeared to be a mix of pleading and challenge. I remembered what my Gran often said: most personal problems could be fixed by listening and empathy.
"You feel vulnerable?" I guessed.
"And a bit insecure," he said very quietly and gave me a little smile.
"I'm sorry," I said, and put an arm over his shoulder to comfort him.
We were still sitting like that a few minutes later when my brothers came into the room, and I realised I'd been caught in a potentially compromising position. I also realised that removing my arm from Stephane's shoulders and pulling away would just make it look like we had something to hide.
"Are you okay, Stephane?" Liam asked, looking concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks," he replied. "I just felt a bit low, so Paul was giving me a hug."
"I'm a good hugger," the little boy said, then sat down on the other side of Stephane, grabbed his upper arm and hugged it.
"Yes, you are," Stephane acknowledged.
"Can we watch TV in here?" Connor asked, almost certainly wanting to break the emotional spell.
"Yes," I said, standing up. "I'm going to make some hot chocolate. Does anybody want some?"
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