Gran's House
by Kit
Chapter 13
After finding out that the picnic would be on Sunday, I asked my brothers if they wanted to come to my house on the Saturday so that they could help me with preparations. They said they were busy on the Saturday morning but wanted to come after lunch. When I asked what they had planned for the morning, Connor simply invoked Rule Two.
When I had dinner with my godparents that evening, Uncle Geoffrey reminded me that when I was twenty-one, I'd gain control of the trust fund. He told me that I'd need to decide how the fund should be run, and he asked me to go to his office on the afternoon of my birthday to sign the necessary paperwork. The three of us discussed the various options, and he said I could let him know my decision when I went to his office.
The next day, I went to collect my brothers, and soon after we arrived, Connor said he was going to use the toilet, so I suggested that he use the one upstairs but not the one in my en suite. Although he was obviously puzzled by my suggestion, he went along with it. Several minutes later, he returned with a big smile.
"It's a good job you left the instructions out," he said to me. "The controls aren't the same as yours."
"That's because mine is a bidet toilet, but yours is a toilet with a bidet attachment."
Liam, who'd apparently had no idea what the older boy had been talking about, suddenly understood and ran upstairs to see it for himself.
When he came back down, I explained that I'd already done some preparatory work for the food I was contributing to the picnic, but there was still a lot to do. Unexpectedly, Connor was very eager to help, saying that he'd like to learn to cook. Liam was also happy to assist, but I felt he had little interest in preparing the food and just wanted to help me and be with his brothers.
"Right," I said, "before we get started, we should wash our hands."
"But I just washed them," Liam said.
"Doesn't matter. The first thing we should do in the kitchen before preparing food is to wash our hands. That's how Gran did things, and that's how I do things."
There was no more complaining or grumbling from the boys as they complied, though Connor looked at his little brother and rolled his eyes.
"Will we have time to make a cake?" the older boy asked soon after we'd started on our assigned tasks.
I checked the time on the wall clock and did a little mental arithmetic.
"Not a proper cake, but we have time for some fairy cakes if we hurry."
Both boys expressed their delight, and I got the impression that although the younger boy's happiness was mostly at the prospect of eating the cakes, the older boy was equally happy with the idea of making them.
My plan had been to stop working in the kitchen between five and six o'clock, give them an evening meal, and set off to take them home by about seven o'clock. As things turned out, all the work was completed by five thirty, though the cakes were still cooling and waiting to be iced. None of us felt hungry enough for a meal because we'd been tasting the food as we were preparing it.
"Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?" I asked as we sat around the kitchen table.
"I'm not hungry, thanks," Connor replied.
"But we don't need to be hungry to have cake," his little brother said hopefully.
"I feel a bit guilty for letting you spoil your appetites by nibbling all afternoon," I said. "I'm sure that Sarah and David wouldn't approve."
"But it was lots of fun," the older boy said and gave me a huge grin.
"Yeah," Liam confirmed, "and we won't tell anybody. Brother promise."
"Can we put icing on the cakes now?" Connor asked, "cos we have to try them before we go."
"Yeah," his little brother said, nodding his head vigorously.
After checking that the cakes were cool enough, I asked if they were going to just dribble the icing randomly on top or if they wanted to try to make some sort of pattern. Liam made it clear that he didn't care because it would taste the same either way.
"What sort of pattern?" the older boy asked.
"Whatever you like," I replied. "Maybe you could put the initials of the people the cakes are for?"
"You mean C, P, and L?"
"And D, S, K, and M," I said.
"Do we have to share with all of them?" Liam asked unhappily.
"Of course you do," I said. "You can't eat all twelve on your own."
"We can try," Connor said with a cheeky smile. "Anyway, there are two people for S."
"How about SA and SU, or maybe just S1 and S2?" I suggested.
"Okay," the older boy replied, "but we've got to have one cake each now. That leaves nine, and there's only seven in the house. Who gets the extra two?"
"Paul made them," Liam said, "so he should have them."
"We all made them," I said, "but I can always make more. So you two can have two each now."
While we were icing the cakes, Connor paused and looked at me.
"Erm, I think Mike is trying to annoy us again," Connor said hesitantly. "I mean, it's okay now, and I didn't want to make a fuss, but Liam said to tell you."
"Yeah," his little brother encouraged him, nodding his head for emphasis.
"You know you can tell me anything, and if you want, I'll keep it secret," I assured him.
"When we went out this morning, the USB stick with your graduation was on the desk in our bedroom. When we got back it wasn't there, but we had to go for lunch, so I was going to look for it after. But after lunch it was on the desk again."
"Why do you think it was Mike?"
"Because when we went out, there was only David, Susie and Mike in the house, and Mike was the last to come down for lunch."
"And Mike likes annoying us," Liam added, frowning.
On the day of the picnic, the weather was cloudy with frequent sunny spells, but the most important thing was that the forecast said there would be no rain. The temperature was comfortable but not particularly warm, so I decided to add a sweatshirt to the contents of my small backpack. The last thing I did before setting off was to load the cooler with the food into the Merc.
When I arrived outside their house at about nine thirty, David had already started loading up the minibus, so I gave him a hand. Then I went indoors and found Sarah getting the children together and making sure that they had everything they needed to take with them. The term 'trying to herd cats' came to my mind.
My brothers, who'd been too busy getting ready to notice the arrival of my car, saw me enter the hallway and came to greet me with a hug. Mike, who'd been watching my brothers greet me, averted his eyes when he saw me looking at him.
"Okay, children," Sarah called out, "this is your last chance to go to the toilet, so if you think you may want to go soon, you'd better go now."
Liam headed toward the downstairs toilet, but Mike beat him to it, so my little brother went upstairs. I asked Sarah what I could do to help, and she pointed out some bags that needed to be taken to the bus. By the time David had stowed the bags away, all the children had gathered outside. Sarah did a final check of the house, locked up, and joined us. Even so early in the day, she was already starting to look a little frazzled, and I immediately felt sorry for her.
Presumably, the seating arrangements had already been made because everyone took their places without comment. Mike sat at the front, next to the driver, and immediately behind them Sarah and Susie had the double bench with the child seat. Behind them, Katie had a double bench to herself, and Connor pulled me to the triple bench right at the back, where Liam was already sitting. Normally, when the three of us were together, our youngest brother was in the middle, but on that occasion, they both insisted that I should sit between them.
I'd been told that our destination in the Dales had been a favourite picnic place of the couple since before they were married, and I was more than happy to sit back and enjoy the ride. About twenty minutes after leaving the house, we were in open countryside, and I was relaxing and enjoying the views.
"Will you sing your funny songs for us?" Liam asked.
"I can't do that with all these people. They might get annoyed, and it might make Susie cry."
"They'll tell us if they don't like it. And if Susie starts crying, you'll definitely hear it," Connor said, rolling his eyes.
"Please," the younger boy pleaded.
Although Liam had known me for only a few months, he'd already learned how to twist me around his little finger.
"Okay, but you both have to join in, because I'm not singing on my own."
I started off quietly with 'This Old Man', hoping that those near the front wouldn't hear me, but my brothers told me to sing louder, and then they joined in. By the time we got to 'He played four', they were singing loudly and positively belting out the chorus. At that point, any hopes I might have had of avoiding attention had completely disappeared.
Everyone except David was looking at us, and apart from Mike, they were smiling, so I guessed they had no objection to our songs. When we got to 'On Top of Spaghetti', even Mike turned round and looked amused, and during the song with the line about the milkmaid turning the cow over, Katie was actually laughing.
During the last part of our journey, David followed a narrow road that wound up the steep side of a valley. About halfway from the top, there was a lay-by on a flat area that was like a notch in the side of the hill. There was enough space for three or four cars, but there were no other vehicles when he parked the minibus there.
Everyone got out, and we were each assigned something to carry, then David led us a couple of minutes' walk further up the hill to a small copse. We placed blankets on the ground in a spot where trees could provide shade during sunny spells and bushes could act as windbreaks. Then while Sarah organised the children, David and I made a couple of return trips to get the rest of the things from the minibus.
For a few minutes, we three adults rested on the blankets and enjoyed the beautiful scenery, especially the view down to the river at the bottom of the valley. Of course, we also kept a watchful eye on the children who were running around and exploring. Then Sarah announced that it was time to start unpacking the food.
Besides the food that I'd brought, there was a large pork pie, ham, cheeses, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, raw vegetables, homemade dips, and bread. Sarah had also made a large orange cheesecake with chocolate sprinkled on top. The selection of drinks included what my brothers referred to as 'fizzy pop'.
"I didn't know you allowed these," I said, raising my eyebrows and holding up a can of Sprite.
"Usually we don't," Sarah said, "but we make exceptions for special treats like today and birthdays."
My brothers, who were sitting close to me, overheard that brief exchange and exchanged questioning glances.
"Will you be coming to see us tomorrow?" Connor asked.
"Monday?" I asked, puzzled, before I remembered. "Oh. You're on your summer holidays now."
"Yeah," he replied. "So, will you?"
"Do you want me to? After all, that will make three days in a row, and I don't want you to get bored of me."
"Don't tease!" he admonished. "We want to see you tomorrow."
"Cos it's your birthday," Liam added, then looked embarrassed as if he'd let slip a secret.
"How did you know?" I asked.
"We asked Sarah," Connor said.
"In that case, of course I'll see you tomorrow, but I have to see Uncle Geoffrey in the afternoon."
Mike, who'd apparently been listening to the conversation, briefly looked me in the eye, then averted his gaze again.
"It's my birthday on Saturday," he said flatly and without looking at me.
Before I could respond, he got up and moved to the other side of the copse.
After we'd had enough to eat, we packed away the remaining food. Sarah said that we could have some as a snack before we set off home and that there would still be enough to have with their evening meal. Connor suggested we play football, but it was really just kicking the ball around for a while because there wasn't enough flat area to play properly. Sarah said she'd look after Susie, who was exploring the copse with Liam.
Given the partly sloping ground and limited space, there was no way to assess football skills, but I got the impression that David would outclass me in a proper game. At one point, Mike tripped and fell. As I was the nearest to him, I leaned over to take his hand and help him up. As soon as I made contact, however, he recoiled as if he'd received an electric shock. He rolled away from me, stood up, and went toward Sarah.
Everyone who'd been kicking the ball around had seen what happened and stood in silence. Probably they were like me, trying to make sense of the situation. Katie left the group and went to whisper in Mike's ear. Connor looked at me and rolled his eyes, then David came over and touched my arm, suggesting we see the view of the valley from the other side of the copse.
"Don't worry," he said when we were out of earshot of the others. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's just that Mike occasionally has times when he gets very sensitive about being touched. Some days are worse than others. Actually, I think he'd be a much better football player if he wasn't so anxious to avoid the risk of physical contact."
"That's sad. But I got the impression when he saw me hugging my brothers that he was envious."
"Yes, imagine what it must be like to yearn for something that also makes you want to run away."
For a few seconds we stood in silence, looking out across the valley.
"He said it's his birthday on Saturday," I said, "and I guess you'll be giving him some sort of party?"
"Yes, we always do have a special teatime for the children's birthdays," he said. "Would you like to come?"
"If you think it's okay, yes, I'll come. In fact, I'll bring a cake for him."
"Great," he said. "By the way, he asked Katie to swap seats with him on the way back so that he can hear your songs better."
With that, he immediately went off to help Sarah to keep an eye on the children. I remained to admire the view, to think about what might have caused Mike to be the way he was, and to hope that he was getting sufficient counselling.
When I rejoined the group, my brothers were running around with Katie and playing some sort of 'tag' game. David was keeping an eye on them, and Mike was sitting on the blankets, but Sarah and their daughter weren't in sight. Guessing that I was wondering where his wife was, David told me that Susie had said she wanted to 'go potty'.
Mike got up and moved toward me, then after standing near me in silence for a few seconds, he spoke so quietly that I could hardly hear him.
"Sorry," he said without looking at me, "it wasn't on purpose."
"Mike," I said, just as he was beginning to move away, "what's your favourite cake?"
He briefly looked at my face, then turned his gaze toward the top of my chest. There was a look of confusion on his face, as if my words had been in some language he didn't understand.
"Do you have a favourite type of cake?" I asked again.
For a few seconds he stood in silence, as if it were a trick question, then he said, "Chocolate. With cherries."
He kept his distance from me for the rest of the day, though on the journey back he did indeed swap seats with Katie. My brothers and I sang the same songs on the way back, and later Sarah informed us that Susie had slept through them all. Mike didn't sing, but I noticed him silently mouthing the words to some of the choruses.
After returning to the house and unpacking, we finished off the leftover food, then Mike and Katie went upstairs, and David went to put their daughter to bed. My brothers and I volunteered to help Sarah clear away the dishes and tidy up the kitchen.
"Thanks for saying that you'll come along for Mike's birthday and for offering to bring a cake," she said. "I'll provide candles."
My brothers had stopped what they were doing when they heard what Sarah had said. They looked at each other, then at me, and both of them were frowning.
"We can talk about this later," I said soothingly, "before I go home."
Then I remembered an idea that I'd had during the journey back.
"What's Mike's foot size?" I asked Sarah.
"Erm, it's size five," she replied, apparently surprised by the question.
I was gathering my things together and getting ready to leave when David came into the kitchen. After thanking him and his wife for inviting me, I said goodbye and went to my car, closely escorted by my brothers.
"So, what's going on about Mike's birthday?" Connor asked in a slightly accusing tone.
"I've been invited to his birthday tea, and I'll be bringing a cake."
"You should be with us instead," Liam complained.
"But you'll be there as well," I pointed out, "so I will be with you."
"We're only going because we have to," the older boy said. "He's not our friend."
"He seems to get on okay with Katie. Have you tried being his friend?"
"They were here when we came, and Katie's nice to everyone. They were already friends, and she's a girl. He never tried to be nice to us."
It was getting cold as we stood outside, and even though we were now wearing sweatshirts, I was starting to feel the chill.
"Come and sit in the car," I said. "We can keep warm by snuggling together on the back seat."
When we'd settled down in the car together, with me in the middle, I started the conversation.
"Gran used to tell me that many problems between people could be solved if they really listened to each other and imagined how they would feel if they were the other person. Try imagining how you'd feel if you were in his position. We don't know what happened before you met him, but we know this is his third foster home. Unlike you two, he's not here with any family, and no one ever visits him."
"But he's not nice to us," Liam protested.
"Liam, when I first saw you on a video chat, you were standing close to your brother and a bit behind him," I said. "I think that's not just because he protects you but also because you get to see how he reacts and deals with things. Connor is like a shield for you. Now, imagine that you're on your own in a strange place with strange people."
"I don't want to imagine that," the little boy replied, "and I don't need to, cos I've got Connor and you."
"Okay, I think that without a brother for a shield, you might make your own. Maybe you'd pretend not to care, maybe you'd pretend not to be scared or lonely, maybe you'd pretend that you didn't want friends."
"If he wanted friends, we'd have been his friends if he'd been nice," Connor said.
"We can never really understand people we don't know," I said gently, "but maybe he tried to be friends with someone in the past, and maybe they rejected him or even were nasty to him. Then he might not want to risk trying to be friends with anyone again."
"Is that what happened with him?" Connor asked.
"I really have no idea about his past or what happened to him, but we shouldn't just assume he's a bad person." There was no response, so I continued, "Do you appreciate how lucky you are to have two brothers who love you?"
"Yeah, I know we're lucky," Liam said.
"And I know I'm lucky to have found out that I had two wonderful brothers," I said. "But imagine being alone and seeing two brothers who are always looking out for one another. They're self-contained, and you're an outsider. Then a third brother comes along who enjoys spending time with them, and you're even more of an outsider."
"But we don't know he feels like that," the older boy said. "You're just guessing."
"Yes, I'm just guessing," I admitted. "But people are mostly just people, so if you try hard, your guesses can be pretty good. Try this: you love chocolate cake, but imagine you're allergic to it so you get terrible pain if you eat it. Can you imagine how you'd feel if there were people in your house who you could see were always eating chocolate cake?"
"That'd be horrible," Connor said, "but I wouldn't try to make them stop eating it."
"But maybe you'd be tempted to try to put them off it?" I suggested. "Here's an idea, just a possibility. Maybe Mike sees you cuddling, and he can't cuddle, so he tries to put you off by saying it's homo and queer. Maybe he doesn't hate gay people at all."
"It's still nasty to call us bad names like that."
"Of course it is. It's very nasty and very bad. And there's no excuse. But if we try to understand him, maybe what he says won't hurt us or annoy us so much. Anyway, that's why I'm going to try to be nice to him. If the experiment works, then he may stop doing nasty things. If it doesn't work, then we won't be any worse off than we are now."
We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, enjoying our snuggling and our shared body heat, and we were reluctant to get out of the car and go our separate ways. However, I knew that the boys would need to start getting ready for bed soon.
"Okay, brothers," I said, "it's time for me to go. I hope that you'll join in my experiment of being nice to Mike and that you'll just ignore him when he's nasty. But if you don't want to try it, then I'll understand."
Before we got out of the car, I suggested to them that it would be a good idea not to tell anyone else about our discussion about Mike. I pointed out that he might feel resentful if he found out they were being nice to him just because I'd asked them to.
On the morning of my birthday, I arrived at the foster home a little before ten thirty, and my brothers came out to greet me as I was locking the car. Both of them called out, 'Happy Birthday, Paul!' and seemed very excited. However, on this occasion, Liam didn't launch himself at me but instead ran to me and grabbed my hand.
"Come inside, come inside!" he said. "We've got…"
He was interrupted by his brother grabbing his arm and hissing, then whispering into his ear.
"Oh," the little boy said, looking embarrassed. "Sorry."
"Come on," Connor said, grasping my other hand.
They pulled me into the house and to the kitchen, where Sarah and David wished me happy birthday and offered me tea and cake. Susie was half under the kitchen table, and as soon as I sat down, she looked up at me and smiled shyly.
"Hi, Paul!" she said relatively clearly.
"Hi, Susie," I responded, amazed at how much her speech had improved in just a few weeks.
"Can we give it to him now?" Liam asked his brother in what was probably intended to be a whisper but was loud enough to be heard by everyone in the kitchen.
"I thought it was going to be private," the older boy said, sounding a little frustrated.
The little boy gazed pleadingly at his brother, and when Connor sighed and said 'Okay', I realised that Liam could twist both of us round his little finger. Connor went out and quickly returned, presumably from their bedroom. He handed me an envelope and a package wrapped in blue paper with 'Happy Birthday' printed in multiple colours.
"These are from me and Liam," he said.
I opened the envelope first and found a very colourful handmade birthday card with 'Happy Birthday, Paul! LOTS OF LOVE! Connor and Liam xxxxxxxxxx' written on it.
"Thank you, it's beautiful!" I said sincerely.
"We made it," Liam said proudly, then presumably to make sure there was no room for any misunderstanding, he added, "Me and Connor."
As they were both staring at me with expectation and impatience, I knew they wanted me to hurry up and open the package. Inside was a shiny metal picture frame about 10cm tall and about 15cm wide. In the middle, taking up almost the full height, was a recent photo of both of them, with Connor's arms over his little brother's shoulder. On the left, halfway up the frame, was a smaller photo of Connor as a baby, and symmetrically on the right was a photo of Liam as a baby.
"It was my idea to give you a picture," the little boy said.
"But we both picked the photos and the frame and where they should be," his brother said pointedly.
"It's a wonderful present," I said, beginning to feel a little emotional. "I think it may be the nicest birthday present I ever got."
"You really like it?" Liam asked.
"Of course I do," I said. "You know I'd never say it if it wasn't true."
"Rule Two," the older boy said, smiling smugly.
Sarah took that opportunity to put a mug of tea and a plate with lemon cake in front of me.
"I suppose you two want some cake?" she asked my brothers, smiling because she already knew what the answer would be.
"Yes, please," both boys said, almost in unison.
Katie, who'd apparently been to the park, came into the kitchen and also accepted the offer of cake.
"And this is from us," David said, handing me another envelope and sitting down with his mug of tea.
Inside was a more formal birthday card with a car on the front and with 'Happy 21st' printed in silver letters. Written inside the card were the names of Sarah, David, Katie, Mike and Susie. With the obvious exception of Susie, all the names were in different handwriting.
"Thank you very much," I said, then realising that one person still hadn't come to the kitchen, I asked, "Where's Mike?"
"Mike had an appointment," David replied. He looked at the wall clock and added, "Which reminds me, it's time for me to go and pick him up."
After he left, Sarah asked if I'd be staying for lunch, but I declined, saying that I had a few things to do before I had my afternoon meeting with Uncle Geoffrey. My brothers made no attempt to hide their unhappiness with my decision, so I thought it would be a good idea for the three of us to be alone to talk things through.
"Why don't we go for a walk in the park?" I suggested, putting my hand on Liam's shoulder. "
They nodded their heads in agreement but still seemed disappointed that my visit would be so short.
"I'll take these to the car to make sure I take them home with me," I said, picking up the present and the two cards. "Aunt Anne and Uncle Geoffrey are going to be soooooo jealous of my present."
"Why would they be jealous?" Connor asked. "I bet they've got lots of nice stuff."
"Because none of their nice stuff was such a thoughtful and personal gift," I replied. "You thought about what I'd like, you remembered that I loved those photos, and you spent your time choosing a frame and putting the photos in it. And you did all that just for me. Trust me, they'll be very jealous."
They looked at each other and then treated me to huge beaming smiles. We reached the car, and I put the items in the boot.
"I bet you got lots of cards, though," Liam said.
"I got these two, and I'm sure I'll get one from Aunt Anne and Uncle Geoffrey, but I never get more than three, and I've never had one as personal as the one you made for me."
"What about all your friends, like at school and uni?" Connor asked.
"My birthday is after the end of term, so none of my friends have been around. Usually, it was just one card from Gran and Grandad and another from my Aunt Anne and Uncle Geoffrey. For a couple of years I got cards from my friend, Philip, and after Gran died, I just got one card from my godparents."
The boys moved closer to me, one on either side, and each put an arm around my waist.
"Next year," the little boy said, "you'll get a card from me and a card from Connor."
We'd been in the park for only a few minutes when I got a call from Rose. She told me that the boys would now be allowed to have overnight stays at my house and that David and Sarah would decide practical details such as when and for how long. The call ended with her wishing me a happy birthday, and she hung up before I could respond.
"That must be good news," Connor said, "cos you look happy."
"Yes, I'm very happy. Rose said that you can have overnight visits with me…"
"Yaaaayyyy!" Liam interrupted me as he began running in circles around Connor and me.
"But Sarah and David would have to agree to details," I continued.
"Well, let's go and ask them now," the older boy said, grabbing my arm and pulling me toward the park exit.
When we arrived at the house, we found Mike and both foster carers in the kitchen. The red-haired boy was eating cake but paused long enough to mumble 'Happy Birthday' before quickly averting his gaze. After thanking him, I turned my attention to the adults.
"I just had a call from Rose," I said.
"Yes, we know. She called us, too," Sarah replied with a happy smile. "And it looks like you've already told your brothers."
"Liam, Connor, I'd like to talk with Paul in private," David said, "so I hope you'll keep yourselves entertained for a few minutes."
Under different circumstances my brothers might have complained, but they probably assumed that David wanted to discuss overnight stays. So they simply said that I could find them in the games room when we'd finished talking.
"I hope that I'm not taking up too much of your time," David said as we sat down in his office, "but I understand from Rose that you're considering trying to adopt your brothers. Sarah and I think that the intention may be good, but you probably need to take more time to consider it."
"Why do you think that?" I asked, "Are you worried, like Rose, that I'm too young to handle being a single parent?"
"Actually, that's only a small part of it," he replied, then after pausing for thought, he continued, "You're a great brother, taking them to the seaside, giving them presents, and most of all, spending time with them and letting them know they have family."
"I like doing those things. They're fun."
"Yes, and that's part of my point. Being a brother is fun, and you have lots of freedom about doing it. You can arrange time with the boys to fit in with other parts of your life. But being a good brother is not the same as being a good parent, and if you adopt them, you will be taking on all the responsibilities of being a parent."
"Don't you think I can do that?"
"More important than what I think is what you think and what an assessment panel will believe. As you said, as a brother, your time with the boys is fun, and they enjoy that. But as a parent you'll have to do things that aren't much fun, and, perhaps more of a problem, you'll have to get your brothers to do things that they may not want to do.
"What happens if they don't want to go to school, or go to bed, or do chores, or even just brush their teeth? What happens if they want things that they shouldn't have or want to do things that they shouldn't do? Will you be able to resist the temptation to give in to them, especially when Liam uses his puppy-dog eyes on you?"
We both smiled because we each knew how easily my little brother was able to persuade people to do what he wanted.
"Your brothers are very well-behaved children," he continued, "but even good children occasionally do naughty things. Can you bring yourself to do what's needed, withhold allowance or treats, give extra chores, ground them, or suchlike if it makes you less popular?"
"I can do all that," I said, but even to my own ears it didn't sound completely confident.
"You probably can, but once you adopt them, you can't just change your mind if it doesn't work out. You need to be absolutely sure you want to dedicate at least the next ten years of your life to making them your top priority all day and every day.
"Another consideration is whether or not the boys, who are obviously happy to have you as a fun brother, would accept you as a parent figure. Even if they accept it now, what will happen when they become rebellious teenagers? Will you be able to handle that? Will you want to handle that?"
Feeling a little stunned by all the negative points he was making, I remained silent for a few seconds. I wondered if he was merely being realistic or if he was trying to put me off the idea of adopting. Perhaps he was indirectly saying that he would oppose that idea.
"I understand the points you're making," I replied eventually, "but despite all that, I know that I love them and want to care for them. I'm sorry if you think that I can't handle things."
"I didn't say we don't think you can do it," he said soothingly. "We just want to make sure you really want to do it. We want you to understand that being a parent isn't always easy and fun, no matter how much you care for the children. Sometimes it can be tedious; sometimes it can be irritating. So you really need to think about all the consequences before you take the irreversible step of adoption."
"I will," I promised.
"Having said that," he added with a smile, "if you're like me and Sarah, the rewards of caring for children far outweigh the difficulties and challenges. And if you think hard about it and decide that this is best for both you and your brothers, then we'll be happy to provide you with any support and advice you might want. In fact, we know that the assessment forms will require you to include a list of people in your support network, and you're welcome to put us on that list."
"Thanks," I said, feeling a little relieved. "Won't you miss the boys if they come to live with me?"
"Of course we'll be sad if they leave, but that's part of being a foster carer, and we just have to get used to it. The wellbeing of the children is always the most important consideration. Anyway, we're friends now, so I'm sure we'd stay in touch with all three of you. And of course you'll always be welcome to visit us."
"Yes, that would be great. To be honest, I've always been grateful that right from the start you made me feel like part of the family, not just a visitor. So I'd really like to keep that."
"Speaking of family," he said, "I'm sure you know that Mike doesn't always get along with your brothers. Maybe it would help you to understand part of the reason for that if you knew about the situation when your brothers arrived here."
I nodded my head, and he continued.
"When Sarah and I started fostering, we had only two children to care for, and both of them were young teenagers. Later, that increased to three children, but when Susie came along and one of those three left the care system, we kept it at two foster children."
"But now you foster four children and also look after your own child," I said.
"Yes, but we don't feel that it's a burden. Your brothers are no trouble at all, and we love having them here, " he assured me. " When their mother died, they had to go into temporary emergency foster care while Rose tried to find a suitable longer-term placement.
"As you may know, there's a huge shortage of foster carers, but a top priority is always to keep siblings together. Ideally, they wouldn't have had to change schools, but at least they've stayed together and in the city that they're familiar with."
"Well, I hope you realise how grateful I am to you, Sarah and Rose," I said earnestly. "I dread to think what it would be like if I had to drive for hours just to see them."
"Of course, it's just good luck that you live relatively nearby," David said, "and it's good luck that we could fit them in. Anyway, Mike had to move out of his room and into the smaller attic bedroom when your brothers arrived here."
"Ah, yes," I said pensively, "and maybe it's not just having to move but also having to move into the attic. Perhaps he feels a bit more isolated from the rest of the family, especially Katie."
"Yes, I see that you understand the complexity of trying to deal with relationships of children who haven't grown up together," he replied.
"I appreciate how much more difficult it must be for you and Sarah."
"Which brings me nicely to a suggestion I want to make. Foster carers need holidays to rest and recharge their physical and emotional batteries, but exact arrangements have to be made around the children's needs. Sarah and I usually take a couple of weeks in August and a week or so either in January or around Easter."
"What happens to the children?" I asked. "Don't they go with you?"
"Of course Susie will go with us, and we usually foster older children, who are more than happy to take a break away from us," he said with a wry smile. "We're friends with a couple who are emergency foster carers, and the children stay with them. The couple take the children on trips, so everyone gets a holiday."
"Sounds like a great arrangement," I said, "but what about Liam and Connor?"
"Precisely," he replied. "Usually, the children have time to get to know the temporary holiday carers before they go to stay with them. Mike and Katie stayed with this couple in January and will stay with them in August, but the couple don't have space for your brothers. Liam and Connor would have to get to know different carers and then stay with them while we're away."
"They could stay with me!" I said, horrified at the thought of them being sent away to be with strangers.
"That was going to be my suggestion, so I was hoping you'd say that."
"But I'm not a foster carer."
"Sarah and I have the same responsibilities and powers as any parents. When parents go on holiday, sometimes their children, especially older children, stay with relatives. Also, Rose supports the idea. So if you agree, then we'd be happy for your brothers to stay with you while we're away."
"Yes, I agree," I said enthusiastically. "Of course, I agree."
"Great! It will also give you and the boys an opportunity to spend time together when you're not just their brother but are also in a position of parental responsibility. Now, do you have any questions?"
"Not directly related to the holiday situation," I said after thinking for a couple of seconds, "but my brothers really want to go camping, and now that they can have overnight visits, I wondered if I could take them on camping trips."
"I presume you have experience of camping?"
"Yes, I did it a lot when I was a teenager."
"As long as you tell us when and where you go and stay in contact by phone, I can't see any problem."
"Oh, another thing," I said, as I remembered something. "Isn't Katie's birthday soon?"
"Yes, it's the Friday after we get back from our vacation. Why do you ask?"
"When she heard that I'll be making a cake for Mike's party, she just happened to mention that her birthday would be soon and that she liked strawberry cake."
"It's not like her to be so bold," he remarked, sounding quite amused.
"Anyway, maybe I could make a cake, a trifle and some savoury food for her party," I offered. "That way you can settle back in gently after your vacation."
"Are you sure?" he asked, and after I nodded my head, he added, "That would be very helpful, thanks."
After that conversation, I went to find my brothers in the games room, and they immediately paused their game as soon as they saw me.
"You were ages," Liam complained.
"Ages and ages," his brother added. "What took so long?"
When I told them that camping trips were allowed and that they'd be staying with me for a couple of weeks in August, they were positively ecstatic. However, when I pointed out that I'd need to leave in a few minutes, their happiness subsided.
"I'll call you tonight," I promised.
"We'll see you tomorrow?" the little boy pleaded.
"And can we stay over?" his brother asked.
"Yes, I'll see you tomorrow, but maybe not for an overnight stay. I'll need to check with Sarah and David."
"But I thought that's what you were doing, talking to David for so long," Connor protested.
"We were just talking about general principles," I said patiently, "not specific details of times and dates."
"Okay," he replied, reluctantly accepting my explanation.
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