My Freshman Experience
by Joel Young
Chapter 13
Facing the Consequences
I withdrew from college for what I considered to be very good reasons. But, I had done so impulsively. Now, I had to face the consequences.
After signing the forms in the Registrar's Office, I headed back to my dorm. I was so upset that I was almost shaking. When I got back to the room, Mitch took one look at me and realized something was terribly wrong. "Joel?" he said. He waited for me to say something. I threw myself face-down on my bed, and I began to cry.
Mitch sat down on my desk chair. He didn't say anything. I tried to regain my composure. When I did, I sat up. Mitch was looking directly at me, and I knew I had to give him some explanation about why I was so upset.
"I don't know where to start," I said.
"The beginning is usually a good place," he said.
I took a deep breath. "Adam broke up with me."
"Oh, wow!" Mitch said. "I didn't see that coming! Joel, I'm so sorry."
I appreciated that Mitch didn't ask why we broke up. But, I volunteered as much as I felt I could. "He said he needs time alone – without me around. He's dealing with some personal issues."
"Forgive me for having an opinion," Mitch said. "But I think he'd be better off with you there to help him – regardless of what his problems are."
"I think so, too," I said. "But, Adam doesn't want me around. After he told me, I went to the chapel – you know – just to pull myself together. But, something terrible happened."
"In the chapel?" Mitch questioned.
"Reverend McAllister was there, and he saw me crying," I said, fighting back more tears. "He pushed and pushed me to tell him what was wrong, but he's a homophobe. So, I said I didn't want to talk about it with him. Then, he threatened to call my parents if I didn't answer his questions. I got snippy with him, and he slapped me across the face!"
"What?!?" Mitch said. "He hit you? He can't do that!"
"I know," I replied. "Reverend McAllister said that if I can't show respect to my elders, I don't belong at Oberlin. The way he said it, I knew he was going to try to get me expelled. That's when I said… I mean, I shouldn't have, but … I told him to go to Hell!"
"Oh, wow," Mitch said again. "I can see the slap mark on your jaw. You should tell someone what he did."
"I filed a complaint with the Ombudsman," I said. "And then, I did something impulsive – something I probably should have given more thought."
"What did you do?" Mitch asked.
"I quit school. I signed the papers in the Registrar's Office before Reverend McAllister could get me expelled," I said. "I'm done with all the bullshit that goes on here. I'm calling my dad to come and take me home."
Mitch seemed shocked that I had quit school, but he reacted in a very calm manner. "Joel, let's think this through. Everything you did seems totally rational – up to the quitting school part. There's no way McAllister can get you expelled – especially after he hit you! There are only three weeks left in the semester. You can get through that. I'll help you get through it; Tom and Peter will, too. Don't throw the semester away. Even if you transfer, take this semester's credits with you. Don't waste all that work. And, think of the money you'd be throwing away!"
"But I can't go back to my religion class," I said. "I never want to see Reverend McAllister again! And without David, I don't even want to be here."
"Who's David?" Mitch asked.
It startled me when I realized that I had mixed up the names of my former and current boyfriends. Then I realized that now, they were both former boyfriends.
"Ah, I meant Adam," I said. "My mind is overwhelmed right now. I don't even know what I 'm saying."
Mitch looked skeptical, but he didn't question me further.
"Joel, let's go back to the Registrar's Office and talk with someone. Let's see if there are other things you can consider. The administration buildings are open until five o'clock; we still have enough time to get there. Come on."
"I can't," I said. "I've made up my mind."
"Do you remember my first roommate - Sam?" Mitch asked. "Remember how shocked we both were when he quit college before classes had even started? I know you, Joel. You don't want to leave before the semester is over. And, I sure as hell don't want to lose another roommate. Come on. Let's go!"
Reluctantly, I got up to go with Mitch.
We entered the Registrar's Office, and I asked the lady at the counter if I could speak with someone about my student status. I noticed her I.D. badge; her name was Sandy.
"Are you Joel Young?" she asked.
At first, I was surprised that she knew my name. But then I remembered that she had taken my completed withdrawal form. "Yes," I said.
"I'll be right back," she told me. A few minutes later, she returned. "Mrs. Campbell and Ms. Sanborn will see you now."
I started following Sandy, but I stopped when I saw Mitch hanging back. "Mitch," I said. "I can't do this without you." He smiled and accompanied me to a conference room where two ladies were waiting.
One of the ladies stood up and said, "Please come in. I'm Mrs. Campbell, the Registrar. This is Ms. Sanborn, our campus Ombudsman. Which one of you is Mr. Young?"
I told them that I was Joel Young, and I introduced Mitch. "Mitch is my best friend here at Oberlin," I said. "I really want him to be here with me. Is that alright?"
Ms. Sanborn answered. "If that would make you more comfortable, Mr. Young, then Mr. Ferris is more than welcome. Please, both of you have a seat."
"Mr. Young," Mrs. Campbell began. "When Sandy brought me your withdrawal form, I noticed that you wrote in the comments section that you had filed a complaint with the Ombudsman's Office about a faculty member. So, I called Ms. Sanborn."
I was getting uncomfortable with all the formality of the discussion. "Please. Call me Joel," I requested.
Ms. Sanborn spoke next. "Joel, Mrs. Campbell and I were just discussing the complaint you filed and your withdrawal from the university. I'm glad you came to talk with us before leaving campus. Let me assure you that we take situations like this very seriously." She stopped and looked at me strangely. "Is that a slap mark on your face?" she asked.
"I noticed it, too, Mitch said. "It was worse before we came over here."
Both Mrs. Campbell and Ms. Sanborn got up and came over to me. They looked closely at my face. Ms. Sanborn turned and went to the telephone on the wall by the door. I heard her say, "Sandy, get a nurse from the Medical Clinic to come over here right away." There was a pause while Ms. Sanborn listened to Sandy.
"I don't care what time they close!" Ms. Sanborn said. "I need a nurse, now!" There was another pause. "Yes!" she said. "I'll authorize the damn overtime! Just call the clinic and get a nurse. And, don't take 'No' for an answer. Have her bring a camera." There was a final pause before Ms. Sanborn said, "Good. That will be fine."
"Our Administrative Assistant, Sandy, has an Instamatic camera in her purse," Ms. Sanborn said. "Joel, is it all right if she comes in and takes some pictures of your face?"
I was starting to feel anxious about the direction the meeting was taking, but I agreed. Sandy came in and took several pictures of my face and jaw.
After Sandy left, Ms. Sanborn picked up the complaint form I had filed. She asked me to tell her about the incident with Reverend McAllister. I repeated my story, and both ladies took notes and asked me questions. When Mrs. Campbell asked if I would be willing to tell them why I had been crying in the chapel, I gave up and just told them.
"My boyfriend broke up with me today," I said.
Mrs. Campbell looked like she was startled, but she didn't say anything.
Ms. Sanborn seemed more understanding than Mrs. Campbell. "I'm sorry that happened, Joel," she said. "Thank you for telling us. We won't put that on the record, but it does help us understand the situation better. Did Reverend McAlister know you had a boyfriend?"
"No," I said. "He lectured about being gay in my religion class. I know he thinks that people like me are an abomination. That's why I didn't want to talk to him."
"Well, that certainly makes sense," Ms. Sanborn said. "Joel, is there anything else we should know about what happened in the chapel? Anything else you want to tell us?"
I couldn't think of anything, so I shook my head.
Mitch looked at me with a concerned expression. "Don't forget the part where he said that you don't belong here."
So, I explained that part of the story as well. And, I admitted that I had told Reverend McAllister to go to Hell.
The nurse arrived and seemed to know what was going on. I guessed that Sandy had filled her in. As the nurse examined me, she said, "That's a nasty mark on your jaw. Does it hurt?"
"Not really," I said. "It did at first, but I'm okay now."
The nurse examined my jaw very carefully. She took hold of it in several places and asked me if I had any pain. She gave me some instructions on what I should do if any problems arose, and she told Ms. Sanborn that she would have a written report on her desk by Monday afternoon. She patted me on the shoulder before she left.
"Let's talk about your request to withdraw from the university," Mrs. Campbell said to me. "Are you still thinking that's what you want to do?"
"Yes Ma'am," I said. "I never want to see Reverend McAllister again, and I don't want to be at Oberlin anymore. I'm just done!"
Ms. Sanborn looked at me with genuine concern. "Joel," she said. "I know from your written complaint that there's a sensitivity here about contacting your parents. And, you are right that no one at the university should bring your parents into this situation without your permission. But, if you leave school, you will have to tell your parents what happened, won't you?"
"I guess," I answered. "At least some of it. As soon as I get back to the dorm, I'm going to call my Dad to come and get me."
"May I make a suggestion?" Ms. Sanborn asked. When I nodded, she continued. "I have dealt with a few situations like this in the past. What I've learned is that it's best to give such a major decision a little time before making it final. You are an adult, and you need to make your own choices about what is best for you. My suggestion, however, is that you take the weekend and think it over. If I were in your situation, I would call my parents and discuss it with them. But, I don't know anything about your relationship with your parents. That may be something you choose not to do. Do your parents know that you're gay?"
"No," I said. "But, I get along with them great." I saw no reason to mention anything about my sometimes contentious relationship with my mother.
"If I tell my dad what happened in the chapel, he's going to go ballistic!" I said. "He's fiercely protective of me, and I'm afraid he might do something to Reverend McAllister."
The two ladies exchanged looks of concern.
"Joel, here's what I think we should do," Ms. Sanborn said. "Please, take the weekend to reconsider what is best for your future. Talk to your parents. See if they are willing to meet with Mrs. Campbell and me on Monday. We'll make ourselves available at any time that is convenient for them. I promise that we won't say anything about your boyfriend. But, I'd like to address this situation with you and your parents together. There are some very serious issues that need to be discussed."
I looked at Mitch, and he nodded to let me know that he agreed with Ms. Sanborn.
"Okay," I said. "But even if I decide to stay, I'm not going back to my religion class."
Ms. Sanborn handed me her business card. "If you need to reach me over the weekend, just call the number listed, and the answering service will get ahold of me. I'll be happy to help in any way that I can."
I thanked both ladies, and Mitch and I shook their hands. Then, we left to go back to our room. I was starting to feel better.
"Let's get some dinner," Mitch said. "You look like you need it."
We went to the cafeteria across from Pilgrim Hall. Recently, I had gotten in the habit of bypassing the steam tables with the high-calorie foods. So, I got a salad with low-fat dressing. When we sat down, Mitch looked at my dinner.
"What's going on with you, Joel?" he asked. "You've barely eaten anything all week. You're starting to look sick, and you've got no color in your face - well, except for the slap mark on your jaw."
"I'm okay," I said, hoping Mitch would drop the subject of my weight and how little I was eating. "I feel nauseous if I eat when I'm upset, and today has been awful!"
"I know it's really piled up on you. Are you going to tell the guys?" Mitch asked.
"You mean Peter and Tom?" I said. "No, but you can tell them. I don't care if they know, but I don't want to have to retell the story again and again. I still have to talk to my Dad."
"Are you going to tell your dad about Adam?" Mitch asked.
"Hell, no!" I said. "I've got enough stress as it is. Going over Niagara Falls in a barrel wouldn't help!"
When Mitch and I got back to the room, we talked for a while. Then, I said I needed to take a nap before calling my dad. Mitch said he'd go out for a while so that I could sleep.
Surprisingly, I fell asleep almost immediately. I woke to the sound of knocking on the door. I checked the time. "Holy Shit!" I said to myself when I saw that it was almost ten o'clock in the morning! I'd slept more than fourteen hours! And, I was still dressed in the same clothes I had worn the day before.
I heard a second knock. Mitch wasn't in the room, so I got up to answer the door.
I was startled when I saw Adam standing in the hallway. At first, neither one of us spoke. Then, he asked if he could come in. I moved aside so he could enter. He closed the door behind him.
"Mitch came to my room last night and told me what happened," he said.
I just looked at Adam, and I started to tear up.
"Do you need a hug?" he asked.
I hesitated for a moment. Then, I stepped forward and Adam him put his arms around me. I hugged him back - as tightly as I could.
"We're quite a pair, aren't we, Joel?" Adam said as he continued to hold me. "No offense, but I think we're both kind of screwed up."
I ignored his comment about me being 'screwed up.' I ended the hug and looked into his eyes. "Are we a pair?" I asked. "Or is this just a mercy visit?"
He leaned over and kissed me – like a boyfriend would kiss his lover.
I wanted to pull him down on my bed and strip him naked. But, I feared that Mitch might come back any minute. Mitch had been great when I told him that Adam was my boyfriend, but I doubted that he wanted visual confirmation.
"Let's take a walk," I said. "I don't want to talk here."
"Joel, it's freezing outside!" Adam said. "The cafeteria just closed, and I bet you haven't eaten anything today. How about I drive us into town to get some breakfast?"
I was starving! "That sounds good," I said. "Just let me run to the bathroom and clean up. And, I probably should change my clothes."
"Can I watch?" Adam asked with a devilish smile.
I smiled back at him. "Sure. Why not?"
We drove into town to the local Bob Evans restaurant. We were seated immediately. I told our waitress that I'd have orange juice and the 'Lite and Fit' breakfast. Adam ordered tea and a full meal with eggs, sausage, home fries, and biscuits.
"I'm sorry about how I treated you, Joel," Adam said. "I mixed up what happened to me with how I feel about you. I was an idiot! I've been kicking myself for being such a jerk."
My instinct was to tell him that everything was okay and that he shouldn't worry about it. But, it wasn't okay. He had hurt me. I could forgive him, but I didn't want to be treated like that again.
But even having had those thoughts, I still said, "It's okay, Adam. I'm just glad we're back together." But then, for some reason, I started to have doubts. I felt a little jolt of adrenalin. "You do want to get back together, right?"
"If you'll have me," he said.
When I heard his answer, I relaxed enough to tease with him. "Well, I'll have to think about that before making a final decision. I'll let you know – maybe next week."
"If I pay for breakfast, could I get an answer today?" Adam asked.
"Depends on how good the food is," I replied.
Adam made a sad, puppy dog face, and I had to give in. "Of course I'll take you back, Adam," I said. I reached across the table and placed my hands over his.
"So, you're not leaving school?" he asked.
It hadn't dawned on me that getting back together with Adam meant that I had chosen not to quit school. But when I did realize it, I felt a tremendous sense of relief. I did want to finish the semester. I wanted to stay at Oberlin – with Adam and my friends.
"I'll stay," I said. "But, I don't know what's going to happen about my religion class. I'm not going back there!"
After breakfast, Adam and I went back to his room. We sat on his bed. I don't know why, but there was an awkward tension between us. Neither of us spoke for an uncomfortably long time.
Finally, Adam moved closer to me, and we looked into each other's eyes. "I'm really sorry I pushed you away," he said. "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I was an idiot to throw away what we have together."
We kissed, and I felt sexual excitement taking over my whole body. I could tell that Adam was getting worked up, too. We were both breathing heavily as we almost ripped the clothes off of each other. We were naked in less than a minute. Adam lay down on his bed and pulled me on top him. We both had big grins, and we were giggling.
Then, Adam began tickling me! I squealed loudly and tried to pull away. I laughed hysterically; I was completely over-stimulated. I grabbed his wrists and tried to pin him down on the bed. Adam resisted, and a full-scale wrestling match broke out.
Our playful, naked fighting was just what I needed. I could feel my pent-up tensions fading away. Those tensions were quickly being replaced by growing sexual arousal. As Adam and I struggled with each other on his bed, we both developed raging hard-ons! I wanted to move on to making love, but we had not yet settled the fight. Finally, I overpowered him, pinning his wrists to the mattress. Adam quit moving and looked up at me. We were both out of breath and panting.
I leaned down and kissed him, still firmly holding his wrists. The kiss lasted a long time, and it became quite passionate. When I came up for air, I said, "Promise me you'll never push me away and break my heart like that again!"
"Never is a long time to promise anything, Joel," Adam said in a soft, sweet voice. "But, I can tell you this. I promise that I will never, ever," he said. Then, he finished his sentence in a loud voice. "Let you beat me in a wrestling match!"
I felt myself being flipped over against the wall. I hadn't expected that, and I had left myself vulnerable. Adam sat up, grabbed my arm and pulled me flat onto my back. He got on top of me, pinning me to the bed.
I struggled with Adam as I tried to escape. "Let go of me!" I yowled.
Adam didn't let go. He looked down at me and said, "Not until you say 'uncle.' Come on! Say it!"
I have a strong, natural instinct to defend myself, and I hate losing. Giving into Adam's demand that I concede just wasn't going to happen. But, when I tried to break away from his strong grip around both of my wrists, I couldn't do it. I needed another strategy. "Turn the tables on him," I thought to myself. "Don't play his game; play yours."
Adam was still on top of me, and I started to lift my hips and rub my cock against him. I maneuvered my lower body so that our cocks were pressed together. I moved my hips in a circular motion, and I began moaning - supposedly from sexual pleasure, but mainly to distract Adam from his efforts to keep me pinned down.
I could feel Adam succumbing to my attempt to seduce him. But then, he caught on to my scheme. "Hey!" Adam protested. "That's not fair!"
"Then tell me to stop, if that's what you really want," I said. "You'll win, and I'll go back to my room."
I could see that Adam was considering what I had said. In that brief moment of hesitation, I pushed him with all the strength I could muster. He fell off the bed and onto the floor.
"Ow!" he yelled. "That hurt!"
Unmercifully, I rolled off the bed on top of him. "Yeah?" I said. "Whatcha gonna do about it?"
Adam glared at me, but the hint of a smile on his face gave away his enjoyment of the entire situation. I propped myself up by placing both hands on the floor. I pressed against him and tried to keep him down with the weight of my body. Unfortunately, I forgot that his hands were free. All of a sudden, he reached around to my butt and started spanking me!
The spanking didn't really hurt; it just made me more aroused. "I've got to end this fight before I cum right here and now," I thought to myself. I pulled up into a kneeling position and slid back a little. Adam was still trying to slap my butt. I took hold of his balls and started to squeeze – very lightly, of course. "Do you give up?" I asked. "Or should I hold on tighter?"
"That's against the rules!" he said. "You're not supposed to hit below the belt!"
"Well," I said. "My butt is below my belt, and the rules didn't stop you from spanking it!"
The conversation stopped, and I began playing with his balls instead of threatening to crush them. He moved a little, and his hard cock pressed against me.
"Truce?" he suggested.
I didn't have to think twice about his suggestion. "Truce," I said. "Let's get back up on the bed."
I got up off the floor and lay back down on the bed. Adam got on top of me. Our mouths came together in a frantic, lustful kiss. It was as if we couldn't get enough to each other. I felt Adam's cock pressed against me and pulsating with desire. I decided to test his limits.
I began squirming underneath him as I slowly wrapped my legs around his waist. I kissed all over his neck; I knew that would drive him crazy! He stretched his head up to give me full access. "Oh my God!" he gasped. "That feels so good. Don't stop!"
I sucked on the side of his neck as if I were trying to give him a hickey. Adam moaned softly, and I knew it was now or never.
I managed to lift my hips up just enough so that the head of Adam's cock was touching my sphincter. His cock was rock-hard and dripping with precum. I wanted him inside of me.
I pushed against him, and I felt him push back, just a little. Then suddenly, he pulled away from me and stared into my eyes. He looked confused, and a bit anxious.
"Adam," I said softly. "It's okay. Anything is okay if we both want it." I pulled his head next to mine, and I spoke softly into his ear. "Please, Adam. Do it. I want you to."
Adam didn't move. I turned my head and kissed him. One kiss led to another – and then another. I clung to him and began pressing my ass back and forth against his cock. I felt the head of his throbbing manhood, perfectly positioned.
And then, it finally happened. Adam slowly pushed into me. When he was all the way in, we both stopped moving. Our faces touched, forehead to forehead; our bodies were magnetized to each other. We had merged sexually in the most intimate way possible. It was a moment to savor.
We stared into each other's eyes looking for the answers we both needed. I wanted assurance that Adam was okay with how I had taken our sexual relationship to a higher level. And I could see that Adam was afraid that he was hurting me.
"Are you okay? Adam asked.
"Oh my God! Yes! I love how it feels!" I said. I paused before asking, "Are you okay with this?"
"Yeah," he said. "I think so. I've really wanted this, Joel. It just that …"
"I know, Adam," I said. "But for right now, let's just love each other."
He hesitated for just a moment before he gave in to his carnal instincts. He closed his eyes, stretched his neck up, and he started to move in and out of me. It felt wonderful!
He continued pushing in and pulling out of me with his rigid, husky cock. I opened my eyes and watched his face. I saw a euphoric smile as he pounded himself into me – harder and harder. He kept it up for a good fifteen minutes, and I loved every moment of it.
I was totally absorbed by Adam's body and the mesmerizing pleasure he was giving me. With every inward stroke, he pressed against my prostate, lighting up my erogenous zones and sending me deeper and deeper into a glorious trance. I was in heaven, and I felt like Adam and I were merging our humanity in a primal ritual of intense, sexual love.
I was barely able to think, but I realized that I was on the verge of orgasm. Adam put a hand around my pulsating erection and began stroking it. I felt the perfect amount of pressure going up and down, up and down on my shaft. My breathing became heavier, and I started to tremble. Adam tightened his grip, driving me further and further toward the point of no return. Moments later, I erupted, shooting long strands of semen all the way up to my neck. My climax lingered, and I lay enraptured by the overwhelming joy of ejaculation mixed with a tremendous release of sexual tension.
I felt Adam still hammering into me, harder and faster. His frenzied in-and-out movements were like the piston of an engine, revved-up and prepared to pump out the fluid collecting inside of its cylinder. I squeezed the muscles in my ass together tightly, and I could almost feel the contours of his engorged manhood inside me.
I heard Adam taking short, shallow breaths. Then, his whole body tightened. He cried out, and I felt his hot cum being pumped into my body in a blissful climax of our emotional bond and phenomenal sexuality.
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