Everything But Love
by Joel Young
Chapter 10
Just in Case
I was sitting next to Justin as we drove back to Tellico Falls from Jonesboro, Arkansas. It had been an eventful night. Justin and I took third place in a country music competition. I met my biological father for the first time, and Justin and I had parked on a dark, lonely road and had sex in the backseat of his car.
I had been quiet for a long time when Justin asked me, "What are you thinking about?"
"Everything," I said. "But mostly about you and me. Did you mean it when you said that you love me?"
Justin put his right arm around my shoulder and pulled me in closer to him. "James," he said. "Believe me. I really do love you. Did you mean it when you said you love me?"
"Absolutely," I said. "But I never thought that you and I would be … I don't know, together."
"Well, I don't know what's going to happen from here," Justin said. "But I'll never regret that we love each other."
"I've been thinking about what will happen with us," I said. "I guess we'll have to pretend that nothing has changed. We'll probably have to keep our distance from each other at school so that people don't figure out that you and I are …."
I stopped to consider the possibilities concerning our relationship. I didn't know what Justin had in mind for us. For that matter, I wasn't sure what kind of relationship I wanted with him.
"So, what are we, Justin?" I asked. "Two guys who just like to fool around once in a while? Secret boyfriends? Openly gay trailblazers?"
"Well, I'm certainly not a trailblazer," he said. "But I want it to be just you and me - exclusively. And you're right about not letting other people find out about us. Keeping things to ourselves is probably necessary.
I leaned over and rested my head on Justin's shoulder. "Okay," I said. "Secret boyfriends it is."
Once we were back in Tellico Falls, Justin drove me to my Aunt Gretchen's house. He stopped the car a few feet before we got to the driveway so that we could kiss goodnight. I don't think either one of us intended for things to get so passionate again, but we wound up driving further down the road and finding another secluded place to park. We didn't get in the backseat this time, but we made out until we both reached orgasm again.
No one was awake when I finally came into the house that night. I went upstairs as quietly as I could. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, but I decided to put off taking a shower until morning. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
My alarm clock woke me up after only a few hours of sleep. I had to get up and take care of the chickens. Aunt Gretchen had done my chores the night before while I was in Jonesboro, but it was my responsibility to do my own work that morning. I did what I had to do and went back to bed as soon as I could.
Aunt Gretchen knocked on my door shortly before it was time to leave for church. I was much too tired to attend services, so I begged off. I genuinely appreciated that I didn't get any flack for deciding to stay home. When I did roll out of bed, I took a shower and got dressed. To thank my aunt for doing my chores the previous night and for her patience that morning, I had lunch ready when she and Mason got home.
"How'd the county music competition go last night? Did you and Justin sing?" Aunt Gretchen asked as I served BLTs, coleslaw, and freshly made lemonade.
"We took third place," I said proudly.
"You're lying, you little piece of crap!" Mason said. "I've heard you sing, and you're not that good."
"Mason Dwyer!" Aunt Gretchen said harshly. "You do not talk like that to your cousin! Apologize! Right now!"
"Don't yell at me," Mason whined as he pointed a finger at me. "He's the one lying through his teeth!"
I remembered that after I saw how Toby had been abused, I decided to treat everyone, including Mason, with more kindness and respect. So, I said nothing to Mason and excused myself from the table. "I'll be right back," I said as I went upstairs. I got my 3 rd place prize certificate and the $25 check. I put on the hat that Darren McCoy had given me, and I went downstairs. I handed the papers to Aunt Gretchen.
"Well, I'll be!" she said. "Congratulations!"
I looked at Mason, expecting an apology. But of course, he skipped that opportunity to make amends. "Where'd you get the cowboy hat?'' he asked in a snarky tone of voice. "The Five and Dime?"
I ignored Mason's continuing jabs at me. "One of the judges gave it to me," I explained. I handed the hat to Mason. "Here. Have a look for yourself."
Mason took the hat from me and inspected it closely. "This is a Stetson!" he said. "And it has a real satin lining! Geeze! What'd you have to do to get a hat like this? Get down on your knees?"
"Okay, that's enough!" Aunt Gretchen yelled. "Mason, you and that filthy mouth of yours can go to straight to your room – right now!"
"Ain't my mouth that's filthy," Mason said under his breath as he headed toward the stairs.
I spent the rest of the afternoon doing homework and playing my guitar. I hoped that Justin would call me, but he didn't.
Uncle Nathan gave me a ride to school the following day. Since Justin was a junior and I was only a freshman, I didn't see him most mornings. He and I had very different schedules.
As usual, the school secretary made the morning announcements during the first hour. I didn't know that anyone at school knew about the results of the country music competition. So, I was surprised when she congratulated Justin and me for taking third place. "Over 100 people sent in audition tapes, and only twelve were invited to sing for the panel of judges!" she said. Then, she told everyone the names of the country stars who had selected the winners. I was embarrassed when the students in my classroom started clapping for me.
I went to my locker to put my books away before lunch. I passed Mark in the hallway, and he actually spoke to me! "Congratulations," he said. I hoped that he would stop and talk to me, but he kept on walking. I turned around and watched him. Then he turned around to look at me. Our eyes connected, and I mouthed the words, "I'm sorry." Mark showed no reaction as he turned back around and went on his way.
I ate lunch with "The Pack," but Justin and I didn't sit next to each other. "Let's meet up after school," Justin said to me as we were leaving the cafeteria for our fourth-hour classes.
Later that afternoon, Justin and I went to the bank and cashed the $25 check we won. We went to the music store and bought the sheet music for a bunch more songs. We wanted to be prepared if we had a chance to perform at other places.
"Do you really want to become a singer?" I asked. "I mean, as a career?"
"I'm mainly a guitarist," he said. "You're the one with the great singing voice. But I think we're a pretty good duo! I bet we can get a few gigs."
I had never considered trying to make money as a singer, and I wasn't sure that I had any interest in doing so. But for now, at least, I was happy to support Justin in any way that I could. "So, where do you want to go next?" I asked with a twinkle in my eyes. "Home? Or parking?"
"My parents won't be home for a couple of hours," Justin said. "And my brother works on Monday afternoons. Let's go to my place."
"Yeah," I teased. "We can probably learn a few of our new songs before I'll have to go home for dinner."
Justin smiled. "We don't need any sheet music for what I have in mind."
I continued to tease Justin. "You're not suggesting that we 'make our own music' between the 'sheets,' are you?!?"
Justin and I drove to his house, and no one was home. We went upstairs to his room. Both of us were already excited. He closed the door and pinned me against the wall. He looked into my eyes and smiled before putting his lips on mine. I let out a little gasp of arousal as I felt him push his whole body against mine. The kiss became more intense and demanding. When our lips separated, Justin began kissing my neck and throat. I couldn't believe how good it felt! He lit up every sensory nerve ending in my body!
Justin pulled me over to his unmade bed. I lay down, and he got on top of me. I was overwhelmed with how sexy Justin looked. He sort of needed a shave, but I found his slight growth of facial hair very manly.
We pulled together and wrapped our arms around each other, and we kissed again and again. I felt loved, and I could easily have spent all of my time that afternoon basking in the joy of having his arms around me. But nature, and Justin, had more active plans for our time together.
Justin broke our kiss and leaned back up to take off his shirt. I loved looking at his muscular arms and shoulders. He was a remarkably attractive young man with his blue eyes, cleft chin, and ash-blonde hair. The sight of his body got me so turned on that I was almost breathless. Justin leaned over and started to unbutton my shirt. Once we were both bare-chested, our bodies came together again. My hands explored every inch of his neck, chest, and back muscles. I became overwhelmed with excitement, and my lips latched onto his nipples. "Oh my God!" Justin whispered. "I love it when you do that!"
As I continued to massage his nipples with my mouth and tongue, Justin reached down and rubbed his hand along my hard dick, which was still covered by my shorts and jeans. I felt him wrap his fingers around my shaft, moving from base to head. Then, Justin giggled.
"What's so funny?" I asked.
"Don't get mad at me," he said. "It's just that you've got a huge dick for a guy who's only fourteen years old and five foot seven inches tall. But I bet lots of people tell you that."
"Well," I teased. "I only show off my dick on special occasions - like holidays and birthday parties. But I do get compliments."
"I mean at school, Dumbo!" Justin said. "Like in the showers after gym class."
"Yeah," I said. "In the fourth grade, there was a guy who always called me 'Pipsqueak.' One day, he stared at me while we were showering. Then, he hollered out for all the other guys to come to see my 'big ole mule tool.' I was so embarrassed! After that, I always tried to cover myself up in front of the other boys."
"A 'mule tool,' huh?" Justin said. "I've never heard it called that before, but the name fits, don't you think?"
"It's time to stop thinking," I said. Justin and I took off the rest of our clothes, and I began kissing him again. Justin rolled over on top of me, and we got lost in the pleasure of holding each other's completely naked bodies. Soon, Justin moved us into a sixty-nine position. The excitement of feeling his cock in my mouth as he gave me oral pleasure in return was incredible. After a few minutes, Justin and I separated, and he got on top of me again. Our lips locked together. By sheer instinct, I spread my legs and wrapped them around him. He seemed surprised. We looked at each other. "Are you sure," he asked. "I don't want to hurt you."
"I'm sure," I answered.
Justin got up and went to the bathroom. He came back with a bottle of baby oil. "Here," he said. "This should help." He sat down and squeezed the lubricant on his fingers. Then, he reached between my legs and spread it on me. When he was done, he got on top of me. I felt Justin sliding his dick up and down my ass, and I found it extremely stimulating. I wanted him to enter me. Justin positioned himself and began pushing the head of his dick against my sphincter. I tried to relax my muscles, and Justin was able to go past my entrance.
But it hurt! I cringed and couldn't help but let out a muffled cry of pain. "Don't move, Justin," I said. "Please, don't move."
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" he said. "I don't want to hurt you!"
"Just don't move," I repeated. "Give me time to adjust."
"If it hurts too much, I think we should stop," Justin said.
"Let's just go slowly," I insisted. I spread my legs wider and pushed back against Justin. He slid into me a little further. I stifled my reaction to the increased pain I felt. But I was determined to show Justin that I wanted him and that I would do anything to please him.
Little by little, I relaxed, and the pain started to subside. I put my hands around Justin's firm buttocks and pulled him in further. We began a slow, gentle, in-and-out movement that I could not only tolerate but that I started to enjoy. I liked the feeling of fullness I experienced when Justin was inside of me. I felt close to him and loved by him. The more that I relaxed, the more natural our lovemaking became. Before I knew it, Justin was driving me crazy as he thrust himself into me and then pulled out, only to push back into me. I was delirious with pulsating, raw lust, and I couldn't hold back any longer. I took hold of my dick and stroked it as Justin continued his incredible assault on my body. I muffled a scream as I reached climax and shot cum all over myself.
I looked up at Justin, and I saw the most beautiful expression of rapture on his face. He pounded himself into me a few more times before he hollered out in orgasmic bliss. He stayed on top of me for another minute or two before we cleaned up a little and then snuggled together.
I had almost fallen asleep when I heard someone downstairs. Justin heard it, too. "Crap!" he said. "My brother's home!" We jumped out of bed as quietly as we could and got dressed quickly. "Sit on the desk chair," he commanded. Justin threw the covers over his bed, grabbed his guitar, and started playing. Moments later, there was a knock on the door. "Come in," Justin said. His brother came into the room.
"What'cha doing?" his brother asked.
"Hey, Tom!" Justin said. "We're just working on some new songs. This is James; he's in The Pack."
"Hey, James," Tom said. "Are you the one who saved my brother's sorry little ass and helped him win a prize in that country music thing?"
"When in Rome…" I thought to myself.
"Actually," I answered. "His sorry little ass was too far gone to be saved. We only took third place because I re-tuned his guitar and sang over him when his voice got pitchy."
Justin playfully slapped me across my shoulder. "Watch it, Freshman!" he said. "I got you into The Pack, and I can take you out!"
"I gotta get back to work," Tom said. "I only get a half-hour lunch break. Which of you two losers wants to make me a sandwich while I take a dump?"
Justin looked embarrassed by the crass language that his brother used. "Tuna or ham?" Justin asked as he got up to got to the kitchen.
"Ham," Tom said. "With extra mustard!"
Later, Justin drove me home in time for dinner. It was still daylight, so we didn't kiss goodbye and risk someone seeing us.
The next few weeks were the happiest of my fourteen years of life. I loved Justin so much, and he seemed to be in love with me, too. We were cautious in school not to hang around with each other unless we were with "The Pack." But outside of school, we found lots of excuses to hang out as much as possible. Practicing our music so we might land some gigs became our 'go-to' excuse to spend hours together. Somehow, we always found a way to have sex at least once whenever we met up. Finding love for the first time, and discovering overwhelming sexual satisfaction, was glorious!
One afternoon, Justin had to leave school early for a dental appointment. So, he couldn't drive me home that day. Mason was busy doing something with his friends. so I couldn't get a ride with him, either. I had to wait at school until 5:30 for Uncle Nathan to pick me up. As soon as classes ended for the day, I did my usual 45-minute run on the track. I liked being outside and working up a sweat after sitting in classrooms all day. Since I still had plenty of time to kill, I went to the locker room and took a shower. I felt great after a good workout and a refreshing shower. I still had almost an hour before Uncle Nathan would pick me up, so I went to the music room to see if I could practice on the school's piano. I was surprised to see Mark in the choir room. His head was hanging down, and he looked as if he had been crying!
"Mark, are you alright?" I asked.
"Go away, James!" he said as he tried to wipe tears from his eyes. "I don't want to talk to you!"
I was done putting up with Mark's anger toward me and his refusal to accept my apology for the rotten thing I had said to him months ago.
"Will, I want to talk to you!" I said firmly. "I'm sick and tired of you ignoring me and pretending I don't exist. I am sorry for what I said to you, but it's time for you to let it go! Holding a grudge against me all this time is about as mean as what I said to you. So, unless you really hate me, let's put all this bullshit behind us and at least be civil to each other!"
At first, I couldn't read Mark's facial expression. So, I had no idea what he was thinking after I almost demanded that he forgive me. But then, I saw his face grimace. He hung his head and started crying. Without even thinking, I rushed over and put my arms around him. Surprisingly, he leaned into me as I held him.
"It's okay, Mark," I said. "I don't know what's wrong, but I'll help in any way I can. Anything can be fixed. It'll be alright."
Mark pulled away and looked at me through his teary, red eyes. "She's pregnant!" he said.
He broke down and leaned into me again. I put my arms around him again and held him tightly. I rubbed his back and tried to comfort him. I had no idea how I could help Mark, but at least I could stay with him to let him know he wasn't alone.
When Mark started to regain some composure, he sat up a little. I saw a box of tissues on the teacher's desk, so I got up and brought it back. I sat down close to him, and he took a tissue and wiped his eyes.
"Debbie Dickson?" I asked.
Mark nodded his head. "She hasn't had the test yet. But she says she's sure."
"Mark," I said. "I don't know anything about these things, but if she hasn't had a test, she really can't be sure."
"She's a girl!" Mark said. "She would know, wouldn't she?"
"Why don't you take it one step at a time," I suggested. "First, you guys should go for a test. If it's positive, then you can figure out what to do."
"I'm too young to be a father!" Mark said as he started getting agitated again. "I can't support a family! What am I going to do, James? Oh God! I've really screwed up! I've ruined my life – and Debbie's. I'm so stupid!"
I took Mark back in my arms and pulled him into a hug. I very gently rocked him back and forth. "It'll be okay," I said over and over again.
"There's a place in Caseville," Mark said as he reached for another tissue. "It's a special clinic that will see girls without telling their parents. But it costs $50.00. We don't have that kind of money!"
"I do," I said. "I can get it for you."
Mark looked me in the eyes. "No. I can't take money from you," he said. "Not after how awful I've been to you. I'll figure this out. But thanks, James. I really appreciate the offer."
"Look!" I said sternly. "You're taking the money, and then you're taking Debbie to that clinic. That's the only thing that makes sense. For all you know, it may be a false alarm. And if it isn't, the sooner you know for sure, the better. I'm not taking "No" for an answer!"
Mark smiled at me for the first time since we'd started talking. "Geeze!" he said. "When did you get to be so bossy?"
"I'm not bossy!" I insisted. "Now, here's exactly what's going to happen. I'll go to the bank after school tomorrow, and you and Debbie set up that appointment – as soon as possible!"
Finally, Mark agreed. "You won't tell anyone about this, will you, James? Not even Justin. Okay?"
"Promise!" I told him.
Later that night, I talked with Justin on the phone. He was still a little numb from the Novocain the dentist had given him. So, we kept the conversation short. But he did tell me again that he loved me. And, of course, I said I loved him, too.
I had Mason drive me to the bank the following afternoon. I had him wait in the car. I didn't want him to find out how much money I was taking out. I certainly didn't want him asking a bunch of questions. Since he and I were barely civil to each other, we didn't even talk on the way home.
I gave Mark the $50.00 the next morning. He and Debbie had already scheduled the appointment at the clinic for late Friday afternoon. "When will you find out the results?" I asked.
"It takes two weeks," he said. "I'll be going crazy until we find out!"
"Two weeks!" I exclaimed. "That seems like a long time."
"I know!" Mark said. "But that's what it takes. Maybe someday, they'll figure out a quicker way to do it."
I wanted to talk about something with Mark, but I knew it was none of my business. But it was important. "Mark," I said. "Between now and then… well, I think…that you and Debbie should … maybe be more careful."
"You mean I should wear a rubber?" he asked. I nodded my head.
"I thought we should be using one all along," Mark said. "But after each time, Debbie said that we had to stop doing it because it was a sin. So, I didn't buy any because I thought we weren't going to have sex anymore. We didn't do it for almost two months, but then about a month ago, it just kind of happened again. We've already decided not to – you know – do it anymore."
"Mark," I said. "Go buy some condoms! Just in case!"
"You're probably right," he said. "Just in case."
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