Backdoor Slider - A Love Story
by Joe L
Chapter 34
"Well?" I ask. I never considered that he could be having problems. I can't imagine how our relationship or life could be any better.
"First of all, I need you to know that I didn't mean to hit you. I was just freaking out for a second. In my attempt to get free, I accidentally nailed you."
"Ummmmmm... okay, I can buy that." I nod, thoughtfully.
"I guess I should start at the beginning. I realized I liked you when I was twelve, and so when I knew that I was gay... I felt like I had to make a decision. Either I could choose to be a gay person and live the gay lifestyle and be miserable or I could sacrifice my sex life and live the kind of life that I had always imagined."
"That's fucking crazy," I mutter.
"I know, but I was twelve and I was scared. As I grew older and hornier, I knew I'd probably have to be on the DL... I wouldn't be able to totally suppress that side of my life. Then things got more complicated. I found out that I had a legitimate chance at having a career in baseball, and that's when my serious self-loathing started. I just hated the gay part of myself. I would see things on TV like the A-List, old reruns of Will and Grace, pride parades, whatever... and it would just make me furious. I had no one to identify with, and the thought that I was gay actually made me sick."
"Go on." I want to just run over there and hug him, but I still want to hear his explanation of the elbow in the face.
"Then when I realized that you were into me... I just kept going back and forth on it. I never imagined I would be doing it while still in high school. I would decide to go for it, then I would chicken out every time. Thank God that fat fuck hit the ball to you at the end of my perfect game–"
"TO me?"
"Thank God that fat fuck hit the ball in such a way that allowed you to make the most dazzling, unbelievable catch in baseball history." That finally gets a smile out of me. "Or I may have never gotten up the nerve."
"Okay, okay. Get to the part where you hit me really hard in the face while I was asleep." I'm a teenager and I'm gay. I figure I have the license to be a little melodramatic.
"ANYWAY, you being my guy has just been so much better than I could ever imagine, and I just can't believe I waited so long... but I still struggle with the other stuff. When we're together, I couldn't be happier and more comfortable with us and with myself, but when we're apart, the realization that I'm a big 'mo still hits me from time to time and I spiral back down.... Then, there are the nightmares. I just keep having them."
"You have nightmares where you're attacked by effeminate, gay men?"
"I have another elbow for you, and it's my pitching elbow." He flails it around in the air.
"Moving on," I chuckle.
"I have nightmares that everyone finds out about us, and my baseball future is over. I'm afraid that I won't even be given a chance... I mean... any consideration if they know I'm gay. I'll just be dismissed as some fag."
"I'm not so sure about that."
"When I wake up from one of those dreams, I'm just totally in a bad, dark place. I've always been a bad sleeper. I thrash and toss and turn all night, especially when I'd have one of my nightmares. But at the beginning of our relationship, you would make me cum eighty-seven times a day, and I was in a coma every night. Now, the dreams are starting to come back again."
"So that's why you were sleeping in the other part of the suite the night of my birthday?"
"You're a smart one, G. I had a bad one that night. I got up and took a walk so I could calm down, then I didn't want to wake you up getting back into bed."
"Believe me, waking me up should never be an issue." I cross the room to sit next to him on his bed, and I put my arm around his shoulder. "Do you think you'd want to talk to Wilson about any of this? He's helped me with some stuff."
"No way. It was hard enough to spill my guts to you."
"Okay, but you gotta tell me these things. I want you to tell me everything that's going on with you. That's part of what it means for me to be your guy. You gotta share the bad stuff, too, or you'll just end up assaulting me again in your sleep."
"Assaulting, eh?" He starts tickling my ribs, and we roll around for a minute or two. I finally exhale a huge sigh of relief. I feel like we reached a new level of honesty, and we're all good again.
"Let me ask you a question," I say, not really wanting to know the answer.
"What?"
"If there was a straight pill that you could take, and you'd wake up straight the next morning, would you take it?"
"I can't believe you'd even ask me that." Luke turns away.
"I think it's a pretty valid question, considering what you're going through."
"Oh yeah. Of course I would take it. Then, I'd be straight and you'd be gay, and you'd still be in love with me, and I'd still love you, too, but I wouldn't be able to have sex with you, and we'd both remember what it was like when we were together and–"
"Okay, I didn't think about it that way," I laugh, trying to appease him. "Let me put it this way. Say, we have two pills. They'd make us straight and they'd make us forget everything that has happened since your perfect game. They would also make sure that both of us would find women who we considered to be our soul mates. You would be a successful major league pitcher and I would be a successful attorney. We would both have happy families, and we'd still be best friends for our entire lives. Would you want us to take the pills?"
"No fucking way." Luke turns to me and looks into my eyes. He's as serious as I've ever seen him.
"I believe you," I say, staring back at him.
"What we have… is WAY better than any of that."
"I know." I lean over and give him a loving kiss. "Okay, lemme raise the stakes."
"Fuuuuck, I'm not takin' no fuckin' PILL!"
"Just listen. Okay, now you have the pill, but in the third grade, instead of moving here, you and your mom moved to… let's say, Florida. So, you and I have never met. You're the star of your high school baseball team, and your best friend is a homophobic jock fuck."
"He wouldn't be my best friend."
"He used to be cool when you guys were kids, but he changed when he went through puberty and you didn't want to abandon him since he's the only one that will do the serious workouts with you. He's just starting to get laid and he's starting to suspect you cuz you're not crazy for pussy. He wants you to come over to his house with two cheerleaders, and you wish you could just fuck the shit out of one of them to get him off your back. Would you take the pill?"
"Nope," Luke smiles confidently.
"Why not?"
"Cuz I know you're out there somewhere."
"Give me the real answer, not the boyfriend answer!"
"I'm serious! I'd have this little feeling right in the tip of my dick. Call it a G-homing-device. It would lead me to you someday." He tickles me and we roll around on the floor giggling.
"Okay, okay." I stop him eventually. "One more… this time, everything is the same except that my parents never met, and I don't exist."
"You can't do that!"
"Hey, I said you and your mom moved to Florida. I can say that my dad moved to Florida, too. I don't exist, and that G-homing-device doesn't exist, either. Do you take the pill?"
"Fuck." Luke looks defeated.
"Well?"
"YES, I guess I would take it," he says with a big sigh.
"Ha!" I say, triumphantly. "So I'm the only thing keeping you gay, huh?"
"Yeah, you and the fact those pills don't exist."
"Oh yeah," I chuckle.
"What about you? Same scenario except that I don't exist… would you take the pill?"
"Nah."
"Why not?"
"I dunno. I guess I need to be the underdog in some way. If you're straight, white, American, Christian, fairly attractive, fairly intelligent and have some money, you just can't have any perspective. You just have no idea how the world really works. You have no idea how people live."
"Yeah."
"I don't even want to think about that version of myself. He'd be a total dick. Plus, a big hot bulging dick squirting hot cum into my mouth is something I don't think I could give up."
"Hey, if I don't exist, you would have no idea what a big hot bulging dick squirting hot cum in your mouth would be like."
"Just imagining it would be enough," I say.
"I don't think so."
"Okay, I would keep the pill in my pocket until I sucked my first college cock and ate my first college cum. Then, I would ditch the pill."
"You're right," Luke laughs. "I don't think I would take the pill either."
"Whoa… it's too late for that! The alternate-universe Luke is already eating some sloppy Florida pussy." Luke tackles me and we roll around on the floor again, as I howl with laughter.
"You forgot one scenario," Luke says, pinning my arms to the floor.
"What's that?"
"It's the one where I'm straight and I have a pill that will make me gay… and I find out you're totally hot for my bod. Would I take it?" Luke ponders with a big smile.
"No f–" I begin to tell him that there's no fucking way he would take it, but he covers my mouth with his hand.
"Not only would I TAKE the pill, but I would take it, yank down your shorts and start suckin' your dick! That way, the pill would take effect right when you cum in my mouth! It would be perfect! It would totally be–"
Finally, I overcome his grasp and really get a good tickle on both ribs. We thrash on the floor in hysterics with eyes watering. After I realize that I actually can't breathe, I call a truce and we eventually recover. We hoist ourselves up and sit on his bed.
"I'm willing to compromise with you on the sleeping part," I say, still panting. "If you want to, I won't sleep in the same bed with you, just in case you have more nightmares," I suggest sheepishly. Actually, that's something that will be really tough for me to give up. I love lying in his bed with him... when he's spooning me, feeling his heartbeat against my back. I love wrapping my arms and legs around him, too, holding him tight while we sleep. I especially love those three-and-a-half seconds when I wake up in the middle of the night and feel his body pressed up against mine, then drift back to sleep. I feel so loved and secure and perfect. I would gladly take a few elbows to the face in order to keep sleeping with him.
"No, no. I always love being close to you, G. I like to hold you and watch you while you sleep, and sneak a kiss here and there. It's just a problem I have to overcome." He shakes his head.
"Awesome! Cuz I wasn't really gonna sleep in another bed." I jump on him and wrap my arms and legs around him tightly. I pull him over so that our heads plop down on his pillow. I close my eyes and start making snoring sounds. He tries to tickle me and we remind each other of the truce. After we calm down, we end up lying next to each other with our limbs entwined.
"That's kinda why I was saying that last night about concentrating on the good stuff. When I'm around you, all of the bad feelings go away, almost instantly. I just have to make sure that happens before the elbows start flying."
"Please, let me know anything I can do to help, anytime." We both smile as we finally acknowledge that we've both grown boners during the multiple tickling matches.
"I could use a little help right now," he says as he leans in to kiss me. I close my eyes to indulge in the kiss and allow Luke to do some apologizing inside of my mouth with his tongue. The realization that this is a school day doesn't hit me for a little while, but I jump up and nearly smack Luke in the face with my elbow when it finally sinks in.
"Damn, we should really set the alarm clock earlier if we're gonna do it before school," I say. "We really need to get going."
"Blowjobs in the shower?" Luke asks as we pull our entangled bodies out of bed.
"That's the plan," I say as I take his hand and interlock our fingers for the fifteen steps to the bathroom. "Just remember, everything is going to be fine, as long as we're together."
"You're right," he leans in for a quick kiss.
We get in the shower once the water heats up, and I'm instantly on my knees sucking him off. After a minute of hearing him moan, I feel a little stupid. He smacks me during the night, talks his way out of it, and here I am, servicing him. Oh well, I love the big goon, and I'm sucking dick... can't get much better than that for me. We make our usual harmony of moans, since the shower water will drown out some noise. I get a little too turned on and I cum on his toes as he squirts his load into my mouth.
"Aww man!" He groans as he notices the cum on his feet. "No jerkin' off when we're together. That's for when we're alone thinkin' about when we're together."
"Got it. Sorry about that," I say, licking my lips.
We head on out for school after our good-bye kiss in his entryway. This always makes the day bearable and gives me a preview of what I can expect after school. Today's kiss is especially sweet, as Luke is still trying to make up for the smack. I enjoy every second. On the drive to school, and I get an idea.
"Okay, your assignment today is to think of some the good things about being gay. Text me when you think of one, and I'll do the same," I say, and Luke snickers a little and rubs my crotch.
"I'll just keep texting you about how fucking awesome the sex is," he says.
"If that's what's on your mind, let me know… but no repeats." I reach over and rub his crotch, too.
"Didn't we have a deal about not giving each other boners when we're going to school?"
I spend my entire day trying to think of positive things about being gay. In most of my classes, we're just reviewing for finals. I'm in good shape in every class, so I don't have to pay much attention. My assignment for Luke is a lot harder than I thought, as happy as I am with my life. Luke keeps texting me about sexual things, and that's all I can think of, too. I eventually come up with a few good ones that I text to him:
"We'll always be interesting."
"Attitudes towards gay people and gay rights are growing the right direction every day."
"No surprise pregnancies. No planned pregnancies. No pregnancies, period!"
"Double income, no kids." That one won't be much of a problem for us if Luke can make a living playing baseball.
"Umm... Suffering builds character?"
Eventually, we go back concentrate on the sex:
"You get to have sex with someone who's body you understand... the pressure points, the build-up, the climax... the dicks."
"Two guys kissing is hot."
"A hot dude sucking a hot dick is really hot."
"Cum tastes really good."
Eventually I keep getting the same one from Luke, varying a word here and there:
"Fucking your hot ass."
"Fucking your sweet ass."
"Fucking your tight ass."
Maybe I made a little bit of difference in his outlook... but most likely, I just made him horny. Well, that's okay, too. He's going to want to fuck me today after school, and that's something I'm always up for.
I head over to Wilson's office for my second-to-last anger management counseling session. He immediately notices the red mark on my chin and asks me about it. Damn, I thought it was starting to go away. I tell a little half-lie.
"Luke elbowed me in his sleep when he was having a nightmare," I start, hoping to get a little advice. "He's just terrified at the prospect of people finding out. Is there anything I can do to help him out?"
"There are no magic words that you or I could say to him that would make a big difference. The nightmares will probably continue as long as you're both still in the closet. Have you guys ever really thought about what coming out might be like?" he asks, and I start to squirm.
"I think that's totally out of the question."
"Of course I would never tell anyone, but you guys could set such amazing examples, and you could turn this school up-side-down. No one would ever hassle Luke about it and no one would bother you now that everyone knows you tried to strangle someone." I raise my head and smile up at Wilson. I think that's the first time he tried to make a joke.
"I think either of us would be all right in a one-on-one fight, except with a few of the bigger seniors that play football... but if they gang up on either of us, things could be really bad. The school situation is just one of the factors anyway. For me, being out to my family is much scarier."
"Understandable," he pauses. "You do know that this school is has a zero-tolerance policy on bullying. It goes back to the suicide in the district last year. I don't mean to put any pressure on you, but seeing a couple of gay role-models on campus could be all the difference in the world for other gay kids."
"I'm no role model." I'm totally uncomfortable now. I know I can't share any of this with Luke, or he'd go into a rage.
"Okay, but if you change your mind, I'll be here to support you, and there are a lot of other progressive faculty here that will back you up."
"Thanks. I think I'll just go back to my studying." I don't really have to study anything, but I can't talk about this anymore. I have a little more empathy for Luke about what he's going through now. I was just lost in my own euphoria of having Luke... I just never really thought about coming out. It makes me sick to the pit of my stomach, especially the part about my folks finding out.
I try to buck up, so I'm not in a bad mood when school is over. I've tried to be really positive for Luke's sake today, and maybe it will have a positive effect on our sleeping future.
School is finally over and I head for the car. I see Luke leaning up against it, and he gets a sour look on his face when I get close enough for him to see me.
"Your chin still isn't back to normal. Does it still hurt?"
"Nah," I say, but it does, a little. We pull out and head for Luke's apartment. "Do you feel a little better about things now?"
"All I feel is really awful about hitting you. If you would just hit me back, I would feel so much better."
"I know it was an accident. Plus, that's not the way I do business. You've got to make it up to me in other ways."
"Anything you want, G!" He looks around, but there are too many people around for a kiss.
"I have to be home at six for dinner. I said we'd be working out all afternoon."
"I'll give you a workout," he says, reaching over to get my boner started.
"I'm sure you will, but I have something else in mind," I say as I force a yawn.
"What?" he asks, pulling his hand away.
"We're going to take a nap together, and you're going to hold me." I say with confidence.
"Uhhh, okay." He sounds disappointed, and I try to hide my smile.
We head back to his place and both change into our exercise/nap/foreplay clothes: a tank top and exercise shorts. Luke keeps on his socks from school, possibly hoping they'll get me going. We both plop down on his bed, and he leans over to kiss me. I quickly turn on my side, away from him and exhale a big breath and close my eyes. He takes the cue and spoons me. He tries not to let me feel his boner too much, as he really believes I want to take a nap.
"Now, if you start to have a nightmare, try to remember how awesome it is to be gay." I turn my head back to look at him.
"Yeah, I'll make sure to do just that." He rolls his eyes. "The really tough part will be getting to sleep."
I lie back down and close my eyes, and I revel in the feeling of his hot breath on the back of my neck. After a couple of minutes, when he realizes I'm not asleep either, the soft kisses on the back of the neck and shoulders begin. He also starts to lightly rub his big toe over my feet. I get chills up and down my body. He hugs me extra tight, and I feel his heart racing. My little plan is going perfectly, and it makes me start to giggle. I know the jig is up. Luke continues to play along, though.
"You still awake, G?" he whispers. I can hear his smile as plain as if I could see it.
"Just barely," I murmur followed by a dramatic yawn.
"OK, don't mind me, just try to drift off."
I close my eyes and try not to snicker as I hear Luke squeezing some lube out of the tube. My dick is as hard as a rock and throbbing in my shorts. I start to feel him slightly tugging down the waistband of my shorts. I pretend not to notice. It's so hard to keep the corners of my mouth from turning up. He gets my shorts pulled down far enough and I finally feel his wet, slick cockhead sliding up and down my crack.
"What's going on back there?" I ask, as sleepily as I can.
"Don't worry about it, just go back to sleep." Luke pets the back of my head and tries to press his dick in further.
"Uhhh... okay," I mutter. I start making snoring sounds again and clinch my butt cheeks together as tightly as I can. Luke isn't deterred, and continues to rub the head of his dick up and down my crack, looking for an entry point. Finally, I can't take it anymore, and I burst out in laughter.
"What?" Luke asks as innocently as he can.
I climb on top of him and sit down on his dick. I quickly guide it to my hole and press it in.
"Is THIS what you were looking for?"
"AHHHH," Luke moans as his sexy smile takes over his face and his eyes roll back. I slowly start the fucking motions as I slide up and down on his lap. He recovers his ability to speak. "Nap? Shiiiit... Nap, my ass!" We giggle and moan at the same time, finally getting to what we've been waiting for. I'm making sure to go extra slow. Luke can keep from cumming when he's fucking me, but only when he's in control. Luke raises his head and looks down at my hard cock, bouncing up and down in the air. He reaches down and strokes it, first with one hand, then the other.
"That feels SO good," I whisper as I continue to ride him.
"I want you to squirt all over me," he says as he continues to stroke my dick with both hands.
"I think I can do that for ya," I pant.
He speeds up his jerking and gets to the point when one hand slides off the head of my cock, the other one is already wrapped around the base of my shaft. I know I won't be able to last long, so I speed up my motions as I hope to bring Luke closer to his orgasm.
"Oh FUCK," he moans as he tries to keep his eyes open, but he still masterfully continues to jerk my dick with both hands. I know he's close, so I really start to bounce up and down on his dick, as I know I'm past the point of no return. He begins to thrust his hips up just as I am on my way down. I wish we were recording this one. It would be something to see.
I feel relief as he starts to cum inside of me. I was afraid I would beat him to the punch. My dick begins to squirt in the air, coating Luke's face, his pillow and even a couple of squirts hit the wall behind him. Eventually, I dribble the rest of my load on his sweaty chest and abs. I finally collapse on top of him as we both try to catch our breath.
"That was so... fucking... hot..." I say between kisses as we giggle in amazement.
"You are the BEST, G." He wraps his arms around me tightly and we share an exhausted, but passionate kiss.
I want to get in the shower and take care of my ass, and the rest of me could use a good scrubbing, as well.
"I think I'm really up for that nap, now," Luke says as we finally break the kiss. I lay my head down on his sticky chest, as he strokes my hair.
"Sounds great," I say. I'll have to clean up later. This is the perfect situation to show Luke the level of trust and confidence I have in him. I hear his breathing change into his normal sleeping sounds. I close my eyes, as I know I'll be asleep in a minute, too. Surely, nothing bad will happen this time.
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