by Jeremy Myers

Chapter 12

I went back inside. I thought Logan was being pretty optimistic if he thought his old man would let him out tonight. I walked Barry then fed him and had some cereal myself before showering and dressing for work. Things were busy there with shops stocking up for Christmas and I thought maybe the day would be long. I was right, it was after 3.00 before I was heading back home. I was surprised Logan hadn't rung me at work but still fully expected him to ring at home.

Once there I threw the gummed up towels in the wash along with my dirty stuff and some blankets from the back of the wagon. I restocked the wagon just in case sex appeared on the menu, always the optimist, and then walked Barry, killing time. If Logan rang while I was out, then he would call back. By 5.15 I still hadn't heard from him so I got myself ready and was headed out to his place by 5.45.

I was there in good time, I looked at my watch, Logan's wonderful gift from over a year ago now, and it was just on 6.00 as I turned up the road I needed to access Logan's street. As I approached his street I spotted him on the left verge waving at me. I stopped and he got in.

"Hey Loges, all good?"

"Just drive Jeremy, please, get me out of here."

"Logan? Are you…."

"Please Jeremy, just go, please." Fuck, he was pleading with me. I went up a bit further and did a U-turn, heading back the way I had come.

"Umm, Loges, we still going into the city?"

"Please Jeremy, yes, the city, yes."

What the hell was going on here? He wouldn't even look at me, he just stared out the front window. I was busting to ask him what was going on but knew better than to push. He would tell me when he was ready, if he was ready. The drive into the city was quiet, not one word from either of us. I kept looking over at my boyfriend and he just kept looking ahead, ignoring me. His mouth was tight and he looked to be frowning. The darkness wasn't there thankfully but he looked like it may not be far away. Less than 20 minutes later I was pulling into a multi storey carpark near to a nice Italian restaurant and not far from the theatre. I parked the car and we walked down the stairs onto the street. The night had turned a bit, rain and high winds were expected as a late season cold front crossed the coast. The showers held off as we found our way to the restaurant. Logan remained quiet and there was none of the touchy feely stuff we normally engaged in.

We were seated quickly and ordered our meal. Logan sat opposite me but continued to avoid eye contact, fiddling with his napkin, his cutlery, anything to avoid looking at me.

"Loges?" My voice was croaky, his mood was affecting me.

"Jeremy. Let's just eat and go watch the movie okay?"

"Okay Loges, you know you…"

"Please, not now, not here."

"Sorry babe."

The meals came out and I ate without any enthusiasm. This was horrible. Logan hardly touched his. I asked for the check and paid on the way out, Logan was already out the door and waiting on the street. I came out and he just started walking towards the theatre, I had to trot along to catch up. We went into the cinema complex and Logan bought the tickets. We were a touch early, the meal had been way quicker than normal, so we sat in the large foyer waiting. There were the usual Saturday evening crowds around and the complex was a hive of activity. I knew I shouldn't but I spoke again placing my hand on his knee.

"Mate, this is hurting, I don't understand Logan, what's happening here?"

"Fuck Jeremy, look, I'm sorry, okay, just leave it, please Jeremy, just fucking leave it." For the first time that night he looked at me, looked into my eyes and I saw the pain and the hurt. And then he turned away.

"Okay, babe."

What more could I say? Was he getting ready to dump me, was last night and all the nights before it, and all the words that we said to one another, had they all meant nothing? No, I couldn't believe that. No way. There was something happening but it wasn't me. His father. Yes, bloody Ron Phillips had fucked us over yet again. Shit.

We finally got to go into the theatre and went up the back where we normally sat, back row, centre. I don't remember anything about the movie. And I never want to see it ever again. "Three Days of the Condor" was apparently a good movie, I hate it. I watched Logan throughout the show, we held hands, but that was it and for me it was like holding a limp fish. Logan barely registered my grip on his hand and he remained resolutely grim. He wiped his eyes a few times but I couldn't tell in the pale light whether he was crying or not.

We headed back to the car straight after the movie. It had rained while we were indoors and the wind was blowing pretty strongly. It only drizzled on the way back and the shop awnings mainly kept us from getting wet. I unlocked Logan's door and opened it allowing him to get in before I shut it. I had always done that, not really sure why, it just felt right. Logan reached over and unlocked my door as I walked around the back of the car. I climbed in and did up my seat belt.

"Where we going Loges?"

"North groyne."

Okay, fair enough. The north groyne was about 500 metres up the beach from where we normally swam. The old road still went down to the groyne and you could park almost on the beach. An unusual choice but I wasn't going to argue. I reversed out and we went down to the boom gated exit. I paid the bloke and we headed back out of the city, straight down the road that would take us to our beach. I kept looking at Logan but he wasn't even looking out the windscreen anymore. All I saw was the back of his head as he looked out his window, saying nothing, probably looking at nothing.

I was incredibly worried. I knew Logan would not intentionally hurt me but this was agonising. I knew too I needed to be strong for him, no matter what it was. He needed to be right for the exams, he needed to be able to study and be right to sail through and pass them all. Was this the moment that Rodney had spoken of so long ago? I was here for Logan, I was strong for Logan, would I need to step back for Logan?

We got to our beach and I turned right at the T-junction and headed north then turned left, following the old road down and around, back south to the groyne. Normally it would be a busy little place, fisherman, swimmers and the like but tonight we had the place to ourselves; one lonely seagull sheltered in the lee of an old rubbish bin as the wind blew a gale. I pulled in and turned off the engine and lights. The wind buffeted and rocked the car and I could hear the hiss of sand blowing underneath. The seagull flew off, carried by the wind. I looked over at Logan but he continued looking out his window.

"Logan, please, look at me, tell me what's happening here. Whatever it is, I can help, please, I want to help." I almost pleaded with him.

He didn't answer me. Then, he began to shake and the sobs started.

"Oh shit, Logan? Oh, shit babe."

I unbuckled my seat belt and slid over the seat wrapping him in both arms, he turned and buried his head into my left shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably. All I could do was whisper reassuringly and hold him tight. My right arm was around his back, my left held the back of his head, stroking his hair. I kept kissing his head. I wasn't going to get anything out of Logan for a while, I just whispered to him, told him I was here, that I would be with him, no matter what, that he was my everything and if I could I would do anything to make it better. I told him it was okay, let everything out, it didn't matter, just let it all out. I wanted to cry too, seeing my man in such a state was upsetting to say the least, but I had to maintain control. If ever I needed to be strong for him, now was the time.

His sobs continued for an age, I dropped my right arm from around him and began searching for the tissues under our seat. He was going to need them. Without disturbing him too much I found them and put them on the seat next to me. I continued to talk to him, comfort him, hold him and gradually he recovered enough to tell his story.

His Dad had arrived home totally unexpectedly from Melbourne the previous evening and had been fuming when he discovered Logan was not there. He wanted to go get him there and then and there was, according to his younger brother, Scott, a massive war of words between their parents. Mrs Phillips wanted Logan to have at least one more night of being a boy, being free before the tyranny of study and exams overtook him. She once again prevailed but Mr Phillips was up early and headed straight to my place. Mrs Phillips only knew about it when she heard the car start up out the front and she rang us as a warning; he had intended to surprise us somehow, I guess. He had not spoken to Logan all the way home.

Later in the morning, when Logan's siblings were out of bed, he broke the news to the family as a group. The job he had been seconded to in Melbourne was now his. They would be moving to Melbourne as soon as possible, straight after Logan had finished his exams.

I was stunned, moving to Melbourne? 2,500 kilometres away on the south east coast? Oh shit. Logan faltered, he was still struggling and I continued to hold and comfort him waiting for him to be ready to go on. I didn't rush him, I just allowed him to settle and go on in his own time. Between more sobs I got the gist of his day. He had argued, all day pretty much, with his father, trying to get him to see reason; that Logan didn't need to go to Melbourne. He could stay with Jeremy, with aunties or uncles. Go to university here, in Perth. It was all to no avail. Ron Phillips would not have a bar of it.

"J, he said I was never to see 'that faggot' ever again. I'm sorry J, he called you a faggot. I should have told him if you were one then so was I."

"It's okay babe, it's just a word. And no, don't say anything like that to him mate, it won't help at this point."

Shit, oh dear, this was bad, I was struggling here, my Logan was leaving me, in four weeks. Bloody hell. We were fucked, truly fucked. I stayed positive for Logan, he needed to get through these next four weeks and we would sort something out from there. But what? My mind was racing, I could barely function. Shit.

"I'm sorry J, sorry about dinner and all. I just knew if I spoke I would crash and burn, you know?"

"It's alright babe, we will endure, you and I. We will find a way." Damned if I knew what it was though. I had a sudden thought.

"Ah, Loges, how did you get a leave pass for tonight?"

"I didn't, I snuck out. I couldn't possibly be in more shit J, it doesn't matter."

I looked at my watch, 12.30. Shit. Logan had been missing now for nearly seven hours. Stiff shit for his Dad, but Mrs Phillips would be worried sick.

"Logan, we need to get you home babe, your Mum, you know?"

"I know, Jeremy."

"Logan, you have to put this aside mate, just for the exams, then, we'll try and work something out. You've worked too hard to drop to the ball now babe, promise me, you'll put it aside."

He lifted his head off my shoulder, his eyes red, wet and puffy, a drizzle of snot ran down his face. I grabbed a bundle of tissues and wiped him, cared for him, taking my time, tenderly wiping away the debris of his emotion. My jumper had absorbed most of it I think.

"Thank you Jeremy, I could never have wished for a better man than you. I'll try J, for you."

"For you Loges, for both of us."

We kissed, not with lust or desire but with tenderness and, perhaps, love. Then I slid along the seat, did up my belt and started the car. Logan was blowing his nose, trying to make himself presentable. He reached over with his right hand and I gave him my left. We held hands all the way back to his place.

"Drop me off around the corner J, I don't want him thinking you're involved in this."

"What's it matter, babe? I'd happily wear the blame for you."

"J, please?"

"Okay babe, okay."

I stopped where I had picked him up from, around the corner and about 100 metres from his house. We kissed, long and hard and then he looked at me.

"J, thank you."

"Anytime Loges, you know I'll always be there for you. Call me when you can, I'll be home, okay?"

"Sure J."

He got out of the car and I watched as he crossed the road and headed off to his place. I did not envy what he was about to go through. I did a U-turn at the intersection and headed for home. Now Logan was gone I tried analysing my feelings. I was totally numb. I didn't know what to think. I was going to lose my man, my dearest Logan and I didn't have a clue as to what to do about it. I was totally lost.

Mum and Dad arrived home Sunday night and I told them straight away what had transpired, that I was losing my best mate, most likely forever. They were dumbfounded but made it pretty clear; this was between Logan and his family. They could not get involved. I understood of course, the Myers family, while supportive, could not step in at this point.

I tried to study, I really did, but I couldn't concentrate. I knew exactly what Logan would be doing and when, he had given me a copy of his timetable. The one he had drawn up for my own study lay on my desk unheeded. I locked myself in my room each afternoon and looked at my notes and books. It was as though they were in another language, nothing would gel. Logan rang a couple of times and we talked as best we could. He had settled and was concentrating on his studying, putting aside the issues we were facing. Thank goodness for that. I desperately needed him to do well otherwise the sacrifices we had had to make over the past two years would be for nothing. I encouraged him when we did speak, telling him it would soon be done and it would be all worth it. Our problems could wait.

In reality, they couldn't. Logan would be leaving for good the Monday after the exams finished. I just did not know what we could do, how we could get around this. I thought maybe I could move to Melbourne, but how could I afford that? I had no family there, no job, nowhere to live. It was impossible. Logan could live with me, when I got my own place, but it would mean deserting his family and I wasn't sure he wanted to make that sacrifice. I doubted his father would ever allow it anyway.

By the time the two weeks were up I was no closer to a solution. Not even Dean Charles could help, although he said if Logan stayed there would always be a job for him to help with the finances. Like Mum and Dad, he said in the end, it was between Logan and his family, no matter what my feelings for Logan were, no matter what our feelings for each other were.

Logan and I only shared two exams but I knew all of his time table and I was there before and after every one of them, giving my support and encouragement. I had hoped that I would be able to take Logan home but he was under virtual house arrest. Mr or Mrs Phillips were always there to collect him and ensure 'that faggot' was not a part of his life. Not even Mrs Phillips, always an ally, was game enough to break that rule now. I would wait for Logan outside the exam room and then we would talk until there was no choice but to head up to the school's main entry and exit where inevitably one of Logan's parents would be waiting in the family car.

I was no closer to finding an answer, of course, as the two weeks disappeared into one and then into just a matter of days. I was becoming more and more despondent with the passing of each day. The one bright light was that Logan seemed positive about each of his completed exams and he honestly thought he would do well. Me, on the other hand, well I lied to Logan when I said I was doing alright, I was actually dead in the water. I even fucked up my stronger subjects, English and Human Biology, by misreading instructions and eventually running out of time. I knew I was fucked and accepted it. As long as Logan was right, then, so far as the exams went, I was happy.

My last exam was on Wednesday, 3rd December and Logan's on the Thursday. I was, of course, there for him before his exam and then waited for him to exit some time later. He was one of the last to come out. I smiled at him as he came through the classroom door and we walked side by side up towards the main gates.

"All good with that one Loges?"

"Yeah I reckon so J, thanks. Glad all of that is over though."

"Too right. You able to get to Dan's party tomorrow night?"

"Nah, sorry J. I really am. We have a family thing, a goodbye thing, you know? But I'll be at Karen's place Saturday night for sure."

"Okay babe, that's good. Will you need a lift?"

"Mum will take me mate, but a lift home would be great if you can?"

"Of course mate, of course."

By this time, we were near the exit.

Logan took my face into his left hand, rubbing his thumb over my lips. I leant into it, savouring his touch. Our eyes met and we each stared into the other's.

"My beautiful Jeremy, thank you, thank you for everything, J. You are a true friend. Thank you."

With that he leant in and kissed me, turned and walked away.

"Loges….." but he was gone. I looked around to see if anyone had seen his kiss. I couldn't see anyone and who cared? I was never coming back here in any case. I headed back down to the student carpark, I really didn't feel like heading home just yet. Logan's last words felt like a goodbye but we would be seeing each other Saturday night, or I hoped we would be. And then, we really would have to face the difficult task of saying goodbye. Logan seemed to have accepted the inevitable. It was me that was struggling and I was struggling big time.

I jumped into the Chrysler and headed down to the beach where Logan and I had had so much enjoyment. The sea breeze was in so the beach wasn't particularly busy. I parked the car and walked down the beach and out onto the groyne, looking out to sea. The wind buffeted me and I could feel and taste the salt spray as the waves crashed and broke over the rocks. I stayed there for a while, letting the wind empty my mind, allowing it to blow away my concerns if only for a few moments.

Eventually, I turned and headed back towards the carpark. On a whim, I changed direction and walked up to the change rooms where Logan and I had begun our adventures together and where we had had some of the best moments of our short lives. As I walked in I could hear one of the showers running and so I walked quietly down and stood in the second to last booth. Our shower stall had someone in it, in fact two someone's if the sounds coming from it were any indication. A light moan here, the slap of skin there. I smiled as I thought how great it was that others, maybe another two boys, were enjoying Logan's and my little sex bunker.

I knew I shouldn't but, as I quietly exited the rooms, I thought I would hang around a while and see who it was that was playing games. I went up and sat on the retaining wall where Logan and I had sat so long ago, and waited. It offered me an excellent view of the exit and about 20 minutes later a young guy came out looking pretty damn satisfied. He was 14, maybe 15, and had damp, dirty blond hair, a good tan and very kissable pink lips. As he walked past me I could see his face was a bit flush, no doubt from the fun he had been having. I watched as he headed up the beach towards the carpark, he had a nice little arse on him for sure.

My attention then turned to the change rooms exit again and I did not have to wait long for the boy's partner to make an appearance. In fact, this guy, I knew pretty well. Marcus Chapman had played one of the leads in this year's production of Macbeth and we had got along alright. I never once suspected that Marcus was into boys, but no surprise there. My gaydar continued to be useless. Marcus was a year younger than me, had short, black, wavy hair, blue eyes and a lovely tanned angular face. I smiled at him as he approached.

"Hey Marcus."

"Oh, yeah, hi Jeremy." He looked at me as he walked past and I couldn't resist.

"Your little buddy headed up to the carpark if you want to catch him."

"Oh, ahh, yeah, thanks."

Evil, I know.

I watched him head off after his mate and he looked back at me for a second before stepping up his pace.

I followed the both of them a few minutes later, got into my car and headed home. Despite my little bit of fun with Marcus I was totally numb. My Logan would soon be 2,500 kilometres away and there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn't even sure if I should continue to be strong, now the exams had passed I thought perhaps it may no longer be necessary. But then, I didn't want Logan being upset, if I let myself go then that would send Logan over the edge too and God knows what would happen if we were both heading into the darkness. No, I would stay strong for him as long as I was with him.

Dan's party was a bit of relief really, although I missed Logan being there with me in a big way. Everyone knew he was heading east and a lot of people came up and spoke to me, asking if I was alright and would I be following him over there. I was beginning to think that people might know about Logan and me. Talking to Chris and Dan later in the night did not necessarily alleviate that impression.

"So Jezza, you doing okay man? I know you're losing your best bud and that really sucks and all but we're all still here for you dude, you know that right?"

"Of course Chris, fuck, we're the sanctum, we'll always be together."

"That's right man, but this isn't about the sanctum Jezza. We all care about you, we all just want to make sure your okay dude, we're all concerned for you."

"I'll be fine Chris, really."

Dan looked deep into my eyes and placed his arm around my shoulders.

"Jeremy, listen, we know that you and Logan are best mates, we know you hang out a lot together, that you're really close, and that him going has to be a huge issue for you, for both of you. We want to make sure that you really are okay man. We give a shit mate, really."

"Ahhh, Dan, thank you, that means a lot to me." I sighed, why couldn't they just let this go? "I will miss Logan, for sure. But I have all you guys, you know. I'll be fine. Logan, well he's going where there are no friends like you, he's going to be alone. And that boys, well, that hurts me almost as much as losing our friend does."

I knew the guys were sincere, I knew they were truly concerned, but this, this was not really helping. I was on the verge of collapse and I could not let the conversation continue in this way any longer. I needed to remain strong, for just a little longer at least. Dan started to rub my shoulder. They were both looking at me intently.

"Look, I won't deny it, it's fucking hard, it really is, but thank you, please, I'll be fine." I changed direction a little. "I would have been lost without all you lot over the years though. I'm gonna miss the fun we all had together, you know?"

"Yeah, we all certainly had some wild times Jezza. Do you remember…" And we reminisced for an age, others joined us as we talked about some of our finest memories over the past five years. Some I had totally forgotten about, others I remembered as if they were yesterday. Thankfully we didn't return to the subject of Logan's imminent departure. I think if we had, I would have broken.

Later, I drove a few of the boys home then headed home myself, getting in pretty late at 1.00. I still had to be up for work so went straight to bed and slept like a log for the first time in weeks.

Work was still busy with Christmas coming up in less than a month. It would drop off quickly though and next Saturday would be my last until I began full time work in February. I arrived home about 4.00 and walked Barry then fed him before going up to my room and laying down for a while. Karen's started at 7.00 so I had a bit of time. As I lay there I thought about the dilemma Logan and I had found ourselves in. It all seemed just too awful to really be true, I just could not fathom never seeing my man again, it just would not gel, it was incomprehensible. By the same token though, I knew tonight would be our last time together. That this was it. No, no way, there must surely be an answer. Something had always cropped up to save us from being separated, something or someone always stepped in and we prevailed.

I arrived at Karen's a little after 7.00, hardly anyone was there but that was okay, I got to say hi to everyone as they arrived and since I had intended to make a point of seeing and talking to everyone there it made it easy. We were all out in the backyard on a massive patio. The night was perfect for it; still and warm. The party really got going about 8.30 but still no Logan. I was beginning to fret a little when finally, he arrived. Our eyes met and we nodded to one another. He made his way around all the groups, pretty much making his goodbyes. Every now and then our paths would cross or our eyes would meet and then we would move on.

I was talking to Dan and Max about 11.00 when Logan's and my eyes met, he nodded, just ever so slightly, and I began to make my apologies as he headed out the side exit. After about 20 minutes I finally escaped out the side gate and walked out onto the street. Logan was waiting over the road next to my car and I headed over to him and opened his door, closing it behind him. By the time I got to mine it was unlocked and he was buckling himself in.

"Where to babe?"

"How about the hollow J, we haven't had a chance to use that yet."

"Yeah sure Loges." The hollow, yes, it was a perfect night for there.

We headed out to the beach then, Logan stretched his arm across and I dropped mine so we could hold hands. Whenever I could I would look over to him and every time I did so he was looking at me. I would smile and look back to the road ahead but I could see in my peripheral vision, Logan never looked away, he just continued to stare at me, squeezing my hand occasionally.

I pulled into the little carpark and we both got out and headed to the back of the wagon. I unwound the window and we both took our shoes and socks off, threw them in the back and grabbed a couple of blankets. I locked up the car and we crossed the road and made our way down the sandy track with Logan leading the way, holding my hand. We climbed over a low berm and into a sandy hollow protected from view by the scrub and sand hills surrounding it. The night was perfect with no breeze, the air was warm and to the northwest a hint of lightening flashed as an early summer storm gathered. The stars above shone bright and reflected on the bright white sands providing us with enough ambient light to see everything we needed to. The sound of the ocean played in the background.

We lay our blankets on the ground and turned to one another, wrapping our arms around each other and kissing deeply, our tongues duelling in each of our mouths, our bodies close and our hard cocks rubbing against each other through the denim of our jeans. We kissed for many long minutes then began undressing each other. I removed Logan's shirt and kissed and licked his nipples before he reciprocated and then undid my belt and jeans, pulling them down and removing them, one leg at a time as I used him for support and raised my legs. Then he stood and allowed me to do the same until we both stood, there in the hollow, naked and together.

Our clothes were chucked on to a couple of low bushes, hopefully keeping sand out of them and then we resumed our passionate making out, each of us standing a little off to the side of the other so we could each access the other's hardness and stroke and squeeze it while we kissed. Logan pulled off me and took my hand, leading me to the blankets spread on the ground and we lay down next to one another, again making out, rolling over the ground as we swapped positions time and time again, our passion for one another guiding us to almost a frenzy of kissing, grinding and touching.

Finally, we settled with Logan on top of me and my legs parted as he slotted into me and we ground hard into each other, each of us determined to pleasure the other. We continued kissing, touching and whispering to each other. Then Logan pulled off and got to his feet, going to his jeans and pulling out the gel. He returned and lay next to me, offering himself to me. I positioned myself between his legs and went down and kissed his ring, licked it and pushed my hard tongue into it, pleasuring him that way for an age before pulling off and squeezing KY onto my fingers then placing my middle finger against his puckered skin, pushing gently.

Slowly, it entered Logan, forcing soft moans of pleasure from him. I continued pleasuring him and then inserted a second finger. His ring gripped them both and he flexed a little, clamping them both even harder. He relaxed and I began searching for and found his prostate. I concentrated my efforts on this area and was rewarded with a series of moans and whimpering's from my beautiful man.

I continued pleasuring his bum with my right hand as my left moved to his slick cock. I rubbed his pre-cum over his glans and began to squeeze and stroke it encouraging more pre-cum to emerge and in turn be spread over his dick. Logan's hands were all over himself, rubbing his nipples, his face, his chest and stomach. I loved watching him as he fell deep into the well of ecstasy. Eventually he looked up at me.

"J, I need you in me babe."

I took my hand off his dick and pulled my fingers out. He told me to lay down and once I had, he straddled me. He grabbed the KY and squeezed some onto his hand before reaching around and grabbing then stroking my dick. His touch was wonderful and I moaned in pleasure. He then slowly lowered himself upon me and then my cock was enveloped within his tightness and his warmth. It was wonderful. He leant forward and we kissed as he started raising and lowering himself on me. I began moving my hips in sync with his movements and he raised himself up enabling me to fondle with his weeping dick. He arched his back and with his left hand began fondling his own nipples and chest. In the starlight he looked magnificent, like a Greek god, his eyes closed, his nostrils flaring and his mouth half open, his gold chain and medallion swinging on his chest. I drank in the sight, trying to memorise every detail, every nuance of his face and body.

We both moaned as his tightness, warmth and insides pleasured me and as my dick hit and rubbed over his prostate and lining and my hand slowly pulled his hardness. He bent in again and we kissed deeply, our moans vibrating in our mouths. He picked the pace up a little as he again sat up and I tried pushing my dick further into him as the beginnings of my climax began deep inside of me. Logan was biting his bottom lip and I felt his dick swell seconds before four, no, five shots of his wonderful juices erupted from him, splashing over my chest, my neck, and face. His dick continued to dribble even more out as I grunted and let loose my own swimmers deep inside my friend for what would be most likely be the last time.

Logan remained there, sitting on top of me, our eyes meeting and us both smiling, both of us catching our breath. Logan scooped up a wad of his cum and fed it to me and I did the same. He took my fingers into his mouth and sucked and licked them as I had done to his. We cleaned up what we could of his climax, sharing one last meal of his seed. He climbed off me and lay down next to me. I sat up and grabbed a hand towel I had brought along and I began cleaning my man of my mess. I took a long time to do it, it would not be my pleasure to do this task again. I knew that.

When I was done I lay next to Logan and he rolled over on top of me and we kissed long and hard for an eternity, for not nearly long enough, before he stood and I followed. We dressed slowly, unhurriedly, stopping occasionally to kiss and hold each other. We said nothing, no words were necessary, no words could express our emotions.

We each grabbed a blanket and shook it before folding them up. Then we held hands and walked back out over the berm and back along the track to the car. I felt a little sorry for Barry. I knew I was never going to be able to return to this place again. Back at the car I unlocked and wound the back window down then lowered the tailgate. We threw the blankets in and retrieved our footwear. I asked Logan to sit on the tailgate and I proceeded to put on his shoes and socks for him. He did the same for me. When he was done, I jumped down and closed the tailgate then wound up the window. As I turned, Logan grabbed me and pulled me close, holding me. I wrapped my arms around him and we stood there in the night holding one another, never, ever wanting to let go.

Eventually, we reluctantly separated and I walked Logan to his door, unlocking and opening it for him. He climbed in and I shut it behind him before walking around the back of the car to my door. I climbed in, did my belt up and Logan scooted over, sitting right beside me. I started the car, reversed out of our spot and headed off to Logan's. He leant his head on my shoulder as I put my left arm around him. His right hand rested on my knee and his left was raised and gripped my left hand. I took my time driving him home but in no time it seemed I was pulling up out the front of his place. The front lights were on. Logan sat up and all our hands and arms disengaged. I looked quickly at my watch. 1.30am. Lightening flashed to the north. I turned off the engine and the lights.

Logan and I twisted on the seat to face each other. My right hand rested on his left knee now while my left held his face, my thumb massaging his cheek and brushing over his lips. He snuggled into it for a while, his eyes shut. His left hand held my right while his other hand came up and held my face too. We looked at each other, looked deep into each other's eyes and then kissed, a long lingering kiss. Logan pulled off and we continued just to look at one another. Logan's thumb ran over my lips and I kissed it.

'Goodbye Jeremy, my darling."

He let me go, slid across the seat and was gone before I even realised what was happening. I watched as he walked across the grass and up the front step. I watched as he opened the door and went inside. I watched as, while he shut the door, he looked up, held his hand to his lips and kissed two fingers before, palm outwards, he raised them to me.

Too late I blew my kiss to him.

Too late I whispered "I love you."

He was gone, the door closed and he was gone.

I straightened in my seat and I looked directly ahead. My hands gripped the steering wheel so tight they ached. My head slumped forward and rested on the wheel.

And then, it started. Deep, gut wrenching sobs, ripping through my entire body and spewing forth the tension, the dread, the pain and the sorrow of the last month. I howled and wailed as I felt my heart, my soul, being ripped from deep within my body. My entire existence was being leached from me as my mind receded from the world, plummeting into an abyss, a cold empty void cocooned in loneliness, loss and grief.

Slowly, I returned. I drew in a deep breath. My head ached, deep, behind my eyes and across my forehead. I lifted my head from the steering wheel, the tears still flowing. I released the steering wheel, my fingers stiff and sore as I sat back into my seat. My face was soaked with tears and snot. I grovelled under the seat looking for the tissues. Finding them, I began trying to clean myself up. I looked around me, the street was in darkness. Logan's house was in darkness.

I needed to be gone from here, I needed my bed, my home. I moaned in abject misery as the tears continued to flow.

I started the car and turned on the lights. The windscreen had water on it, the road ahead was slick with water. It had rained and I knew nothing of it. I looked at my watch. 4.15. I had lost nearly three hours. I dried my eyes but the tears continued through the puffiness and I struggled to see. I needed to get home. My Logan was gone and I needed to be miserable in my bed. I put the car into gear and slowly made the trip home, barely able to see through the haze of tears.

An age later I pulled into the drive and turned off the engine and lights. Getting out I locked the doors and looked east. Through breaks in the cloud and my tears I could see the first rays of a summer dawn. I went inside and silently went up to my room. Barry sat up on my bed and wagged his tail. I hugged him and, without bothering to strip, fell onto my bed. Barry adjusted and placed himself directly behind me, leaning against my back.

I buried my face into my pillows and cried myself to sleep.

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