The Boys in Blue and Gray
By Chris James
Chapter Four
Abe stood among the ashes of the barracks building, it was a clear morning, but the Virginia Military Institute had been destroyed. The barracks and Arsenal were mere shells, and the Governor's house was gone as well. Hunter had destroyed years of progress and Abe felt sad for the cadets who had been forced to retreat.
His own time here had been short, but they had taught him well. It was lingering thoughts of Charlie that saddened him. The boy had been the most worthy friend he'd ever made, and they had shared truth in this place. Abe still considered what he felt for the boy was love, something they had been given no time to explore.
He didn't see anything wrong with loving another boy. There had been no time to understand why that feeling developed. He'd seen a lot of himself in Charlie, or at least the self he wished to become. What had he become?
Being the faux Captain Wheelwright had consumed his energy until now. His face looked older, the mustache and goatee had filled in nicely, but then he knew they would. His brother Jess had been a hairy beast at this age, Abe should be no different. But he had stopped shaving when he donned civilian clothes, his uniform remained rolled up tightly in his bedroll.
Lexington had sustained enormous damage from Hunter's vandals. The troops had looted the town for foodstuffs, that should have been a clue as to their desperate need, but no one noted it at the time. If Early and McCausland denied them Lynchburg the Union troops would be desperate and hungry by now.
Abe planned to watch the retreat from the foothills west of town, and only come down when he saw Early's forces ride into view. He wasn't sure why he was still here standing in ashes, the heat of the fire had destroyed anything he might recognize. It was as if he wanted to tell himself that this place had meaning in his life... meaning the Yankees had stolen.
He found himself blind with hatred one minute and eternally sad the next. If the war had not intervened, what would he have become? What would they have become? This unrequited love for Charlie, would they have explored it or was it all in his mind? No, he'd seen those looks, Charlie had felt something.
If they had been two farm boys exploring these feelings then things could have been so different, but they were cadets, discipline was a way of life here. Every time he thought about that encounter in the woods Abe came away with the same question, what would have come next?
Was it wrong to have enjoyed that singular moment so much? Abe still knew nothing about sex; would they have explored it together? The only answer he ever gave himself is that they would have tried to bring some understanding to these feelings, Charlie was like that. No stone unturned, no problem left begging for an answer.
But now he was alone with these feelings, just like he was alone in these ashes. The Institute would rebuild after the war, tradition dictated that. And a glimmer of hope thrust itself into his mind; he would find an answer to the question of love. It wouldn't be the same as he might have shared with Charlie, but it would be something he wanted.
Abe mounted his horse and set off towards the hills. A retreating army didn't have time to search the high ground uselessly; he would be safe up there. He rode until sitting a horse became uncomfortable, and then he dismounted. He led the animal around and through the thickets, trees and rock strewn landscape until he was sure no one would find him. The horse was left tied up to a tree and he climbed higher.
The trees obscured most of the view so he chose one and began to climb. Now he could see down the valley and there was dust on the horizon, the Yankees were coming this way. They probably wouldn't pause this time; there was nothing left in Lexington worth stealing.
The sun was almost overhead as the mass of men and wagons filled the roads past the town. He had seen enough so Abe climbed down from his perch and ate some lunch. He could hear the distant percussion of musket fire, the Yankee rear guard still fighting off Early's advances. There would be a pause as Early entered the area; Abe just hoped Breckinridge wasn't traveling with them.
He'd thought about staying ahead of Hunter, but then that was a risk he wasn't ready to take. The Yankees would cross back into West Virginia for supplies, he didn't think Early would pursue them that far. No, the General had other ideas and Abe was ready to share them.
The musket fire moved north and Abe climbed back down to his horse. There he donned his uniform, thinking he might get a hot meal and bed down with the troops tonight. He led the animal back to grass and water. There was no need to hurry now.
The dust of horses on the distant road meant cavalry movement, headquarters would be somewhere in the mix. Abe found a lane that wandered towards the river and crossed the road. In all likelihood he would not return here again, but he wanted to see the Maury where he'd gone hunting with Charlie.
There would be no finding that exact spot where they had shared a moment of intimacy, but the feelings were there as he viewed the river bank. He walked the horse through the woods and came up on the road above the Institute. It was there he encountered the army.
The Yankees had fled across the bridge without a thought of destroying it. Early's forces moved like a slow steady stream across the river here and Abe paused to watch them. The boys looked tired, and he realized that most of them were just that... boys.
The Confederate army had lost thousands of men, a generation of fathers and grandfathers. All that was left them were these boys, some who had been too young to fight when the war began. Abe recognized all that with a single glance, he was one of them.
The officers rode by giving him a nod... an occasional salute. The infantry plodded along barely taking notice of his presence. Abe wasn't sure what he was waiting for, he ought to go looking for the General or Major Burton. And then a voice startled him out of his reverie.
"Captain... over here, Captain." It was Sergeant Knox leading a column of wagons. The man sat astride a horse, his right hand bandaged, his face lit up with a smile. Knox guided his horse over as the wagons headed for the bridge.
"You're wounded," Abe said.
"Stray artillery round; don't know if it was theirs or ours. But I can't handle a team like this, not for a while anyway. Guess you've been busy," Knox said.
"Partially... my time is coming," Abe said.
"Chasing Yankees, I don't get to do that very often," Knox said. "Guess we're goin all the way north ourselves, we loaded up in Lynchburg and haven't stopped since."
"I have no idea; I'm looking for Early myself."
"He'd be on up ahead... good luck, Captain."
"Thank you, Sergeant."
Abe crossed the river with the tide of soldiers. There were no bands or drummers this time, only the steady sound of footsteps and the rattle of wagons. Early was dogging the heels of Hunter's forces, it was only a matter of how long the chase lasted.
It was late afternoon before there was any sign that the army might settle in for the night. That came when he saw the cluster of horses by the side of the road in the vicinity of Greenville. Abe could see the remains of a farm, another victim of Yankee destruction. But there were several tents set up and Abe knew he'd finally found the headquarters.
A corporal's guard stood by as he dismounted and one of the privates took his horse to be watered. Major Burton was sitting at a table under a tree and rose as Abe approached.
"Ahh, our wayward Captain," Burton said. "I must tell you, one of our patrols captured a courier, and in the dispatch he carried Hunter was raving about the huge force of Rebs chasing him up the valley. A fine job, Captain. I'd say your part in our deception has saved a lot of lives."
"He's going back to West Virginia, isn't he?" Abe asked.
"Seems so, but we have other objectives," Burton said.
"Then I'll bypass him again and go look at the Potomac crossing situation, they may have beefed up the division in Harpers Ferry. If that agrees with your needs, Major."
"I see you're one step ahead of me, that's exactly what we need. Come look at this map," Burton said.
The plan was to cross at Shepherdstown and take Frederick by storm. Burton thought the Yankees had only scattered forces in the area, but once they figured out Early's objective they would coalesce.
"We're headed for Winchester, the Union forces under Sigel are up there and we need to chase him out." Burton swept his hand across the river and pointed at Frederick. "If we get there it's only a hard ride to Washington itself."
Abe almost gasped. "Early wants to take Washington?"
Burton smiled. "Wouldn't that be a plum? No, that would tie us down in one place. The objective is to pull Grant's troops off Richmond; any threat on Washington will do that."
"That's a bold move, Sir."
"It is, but these are desperate times. Maybe the Union government will run away to Philadelphia like they did when the British threatened, but I doubt it. They'll put up quite a fight, just long enough to delay us until they get reinforcements into the city. The result is worth the effort, don't you think?"
"Why are you telling me all of this, Major?" Abe asked.
"Because you're going to slide behind Sigel's line and scout out the situation in Shepherdstown. Then if you have time go take a look at the defenses around the Monocacy. We'll probably be coming by way of South Mountain... here," Burton said, pointing at the map.
Abe would be covering a vast expanse of territory. Burton said they figured to be across the Potomac by the first week of July. If Abe could meet them around then he could pass on his information. Abe planned to stay with the army until they hit Staunton, then head east around the mountains before turning north to Maryland.
He stocked up on supplies and left his uniform with Burton, he wouldn't need it where he was going. The army might take three days to reach Winchester; Abe would be far north of them by then. After a two day hard ride, he crossed the Potomac just beyond Shepherdstown and worked his way around Sharpsburg.
The Yankees would see Early's forces from their vantage point on South Mountain as he approached the Frederick area, they also had an observation post further south on Sugarloaf. But knowing an army was there didn't stop their progress, and a look from miles away didn't give accurate information.
Abe knew he would have to discover how many soldiers lay in wait; he only knew they belonged to General Wallace. The man had been a disgrace at the battle of Shiloh earlier in the war and relieved of his command. He now held the unenviable position of guarding the western approached to Washington, and Jubal Early was headed right down his throat.
The Monocacy was a calm lazy river, looping in and around the countryside on its way to the Potomac. Early's objective was an area of shallow fords just south of Frederick. Once crossed, he would be able to move overland until he reached the outer defenses of Washington.
Abe had dodged Union pickets and patrols all week long in his cautious trek across Maryland. He had hidden out in the woods near Buckeystown Station, a few miles from his objective. He would have to cross the Monocacy tonight, it seemed easy enough. Once across he could assess the traffic on the road to Washington.
So far he had seen few troops in the field. From what Abe saw he gathered that Wallace was left with little more than guard units, but he had to be sure. He had held on to Corporal Cooper's pass signed by Hunter's headquarters. If challenged he would use it to say he was on his way to Washington, a weak story, but it might work.
Or it might not. "Halt," a voice challenged as Abe rode his horse up the bank on the far side of the Monocacy.
"Oh Lord, have we got pickets out every ten feet?" Abe said.
"Get down off that horse," The voice said.
"I've only got a pistol, try not to shoot me before you see my pass," Abe said as he dismounted. Four Yankees appeared out of the gloom, muskets at the ready.
"You got a pass? Who are you?" The same voice, only now he could see it was attached to a man old enough to be his grandfather.
"All I can say is that I've come from General Hunter's headquarters," Abe said while they frisked him. His pistol was taken and the men stood back.
"Who's General Hunter?" The elderly man said.
"I see this conversation needs to move to a higher command level, do you have an officer around?"
"We might, who wants to know?"
"My name is not important; I'm a corporal in Hunter's headquarters staff. Now can we find that officer?"
"He might be asleep. He gets mad when someone wakes him up," The man said.
"You know what, he's going to mad if you don't wake him up and allow me to move on to my destination," Abe said.
"So where you goin?"
"Washington... now find that officer."
Abe allowed himself to be escorted by two of the guards while the third led his horse. They followed the road north towards Frederick until they came to a small encampment. Several tents surrounded an old farmhouse and all was dark, the occupants asleep. If General Early was quiet he could probably walk his entire army right past these men.
One of his guards approached the house and knocked on the door, the other two kept him standing in the yard. It took five minutes before a sleepy, and obviously upset, Lieutenant stepped outside with a lantern.
"What in tarnation is goin on, Matthews?"
"We caught this man crossin the river; he says he's with General Hunter."
Matthews handed over Cooper's paper and the Lieutenant held it under his lamp. He read the pass and then looked up at Abe.
"A bit outside your area of command, aren't you?" The Lieutenant asked.
"I was told to take a message from Colonel Jeffries to... well, I ain't supposed to say," Abe said.
"I see Colonel Jeffries signature on here, I don't know him. Why aren't you in uniform corporal?"
"I'm sorry, Lieutenant... I haven't been in uniform for months, it makes me too easy a target for the Rebs."
The Lieutenant shook his head. "You couldn't have worse timing; I won't be able to reach General Wallace's headquarters until day after tomorrow. Look, I'm sorry; if this pass is real then you'll be on your way soon enough. But we were told to apprehend Reb spies and I can't take the responsibility of just letting you go."
He stared as Abe shook his head. "This isn't going to work well for either of us then. I don't suppose you could spare a guard to escort me to Washington?"
The Lieutenant laughed. "Corporal... I don't have two spare privates to rub together; you'll have to wait for Wallace to decide who you are. Where is General Hunter?"
"Last I heard he was hightailing it back to West Virginia with thirty thousand Rebs on his tail," Abe said.
"Oh great, that's wonderful. Damn, they'll be here next sure as shootin," The Lieutenant said. "Sorry, Corporal, I'll have to lock you up until Wallace gets back."
"About what I figured," Abe said.
They put him in a wagon with two guards and tied his horse on the back. The ride into Frederick took an hour and he was placed in the civilian jail house. The guard said his horse would be taken care of, and then they left. The local sheriff looked him over carefully as he locked the cell.
"Don't cause me any trouble and you'll be fed two squares a day, you got that?" The man said.
Abe ignored him and lay down on the cot; at least he would get fed. He could sleep two days away if needed, but that didn't get him anywhere. So far the Yankees didn't know who he was, and maybe Wallace would decide he was sent from Hunter. He'd better have a good story to tell when they questioned him again.
He slept through the night and had his breakfast. The plate held eggs and bacon, a biscuit and a dab of butter. But beside the plate on his tray was a cup of coffee, and it was the real thing too. Abe shook his head. If this was the way the Yankees fed their prisoners then there was no doubt that they would win the war. A man survived on what he could eat, and the Confederate army was living on beans and cornbread, when they could get it.
The time in that cell gave Abe a chance to think, and not about the war. He was out of that mess for the moment and for all he knew they would decide he was a spy for the Confederacy. Spies were shot if they were proven to be out of uniform, either that or he would face a long stretch in a prison camp.
What would he do after the war ended? He certainly wasn't going to be a farmer, he had other talents. He'd told Parks that there was something appealing about seeing the Pacific Ocean, had he meant that? Men had made fortunes in the gold rush ten years ago, but Abe was sure that was over. He wasn't afraid of hard work, it was just the next time he was inclined to work hard he wanted it to be for himself.
The South was going to be a disaster after this war ended. The Yankees would free the slaves and everyone knew they would turn and kill the white folks who had enslaved them. No, Abe knew he had to go west and get away from all this pain. He'd have to send a letter to his mother and explain, maybe she would understand.
Two days passed and still no one came to get him. The sheriff didn't seem to mind having him there; the army was probably paying him for the service. There were only two other men in the jailhouse that Abe could hear, the sheriff wasn't very kind to them.
Day number three dawned and the deputy brought him breakfast as usual.
"Is you a Reb?" The man asked.
"Oh Lord no, then I would be on the wrong side now wouldn't I?" Abe laughed.
"We'll see," The man said and he walked off.
It was late morning when the Lieutenant walked through the door. "Corporal, I'm sorry to say we can't find out who you are."
"What exactly does that mean?" Abe asked.
"General Wallace doesn't have time to deal with you; we have word that the Rebs are massing for an attack up here."
"I told you that three days ago, Lieutenant."
"And so you did, but that doesn't prove you ain't a spy."
Abe laughed, this was absurd. "So I'm just going to stay here until the war ends, is that it?"
"No, I didn't say that. Headquarters sent a telegram off to Washington asking about you, we ought to get a reply very soon."
"Yes, and the War Department will say there is an Alton Cooper, Corporal, assigned to General Hunter's staff, but how will you know I'm him?" Abe asked.
"See, that's it, we don't."
"And how do you expect that will solve my problem?"
"It won't, that's for sure. My captain wrote a letter to the General's headquarters in West Virginia, not sure how long that will take."
"Until then I stay here, is that what you mean?" Abe asked.
"Suppose so, unless General Wallace says different," The lieutenant replied.
"But he's too busy at the moment... do you see anything wrong with all this?"
"Yes, you don't want to be locked up. I asked the captain if he could parole you until we get an answer, he said no."
Abe shook his head. "I sure am glad the Union is winning the war, but I don't know how. If generals treated every decision like this one then the Rebs are sure to win."
With that Abe went and lay on his cot, turning his back on the Lieutenant. This was absurd, he had to escape. The only weak link he could see was the deputy who brought his meals. The man came too close to the bars as he slid the tray underneath, but Abe didn't know if he had the keys.
It had to be July sixth, Abe had lost count. General Early would come soon; he just wasn't planning to be locked up when that happened. It was later that evening when the sheriff entered the jail and spoke to the men down the hall. Abe couldn't see what was going on; his cell only had bars at the front.
He heard doors open and close, then the sound of men going out into the outer office, followed by silence. Abe waited a while and then called out for the deputy, there was no response. He did the only thing he could do, he lay back down.
The night was full of sounds, but thru the bars on his small window he could only see the wall of the stable where he hoped his horse was still quartered. The unmistakable sound of a drum beat and footsteps, then all was quiet again.
It was morning before he knew it, and yet he had slept fitfully in the night. Maybe they had gathered the local militia, and that could only mean General Early was close by. It was late, past the normal breakfast time when the door to the cell block opened and a boy stepped inside with a tray.
The boy eyed him and Abe sat quietly on his cot as the food tray was slid under the door. The boy backed up against the wall and stood there. They were about the same age, but the boy was on the young side of sixteen.
"Where's the deputy?" Abe asked.
The boy seemed frightened at the question so Abe went over and picked up the tray. He sat back down on the cot with the tray in his lap.
"Are you a Reb spy?" The boy asked.
Abe smiled. "What did they tell you?"
"My uncle said not to get too close, you might try to escape," The boy said.
"My name is Cooper," Abe lied, "my family calls me Abe... what do they call you?"
The boy hesitated. "Zach... that's short for Zachary."
"I guess your uncle is the sheriff, where did he go?" Abe asked.
"The militia got called up, both my uncle and Timothy went... they say the Rebs are coming," Zach said.
"I heard the drums, are they just planning to leave me here by myself?"
"Uncle Will said to feed you. My momma makes the food for all the prisoners.
"Well thank her for me, will you? I don't mind being alone, but I would hate starving to death. Do you see that pitcher out there on a table? I'd like to have some water," Abe said.
Zach walked down the hall and came back with the pitcher. "It's full now, do you have a glass?"
"They gave me a cup. If you're not going to be around would you leave the pitcher out there where I can reach it, I can pour the water myself."
"Yes," Zach said, and he set the pitcher down by the bars.
"I don't suppose your uncle said how long they might be gone?"
"You been here a long time?" Zach asked.
"This is day four, or is it five? Thanks for being so kind," Abe said.
"You're welcome. Do you want me to leave?"
Abe smiled. "No. You're lucky not to be in the army."
Zach nodded and then he frowned. "I lost my brother at Sharpsburg... Momma says I can't go now."
"She's right," Abe said. "The war will be over soon, your mother needs at least one of her sons."
"My father was killed at Bull Run, he was a Captain... the Rebs shot him."
"I'm sorry... I've lost friends, I don't know how many," Abe said. "I'm glad you won't have to go and fight. Being a soldier is a hard life, I hate it."
"Then why are you in the army?"
"Some of us didn't have a choice, the war came to us. I just think this is all so stupid, it's gonna be real difficult for everyone when the war's over," Abe said.
"I think you're right," Zach said. "Momma says we're going to live with her family in New York, I don't want to go. The Doyle family is all Irish and my name is Stroh, a good German name."
"I hear New York is fine big city, but I've never seen it," Abe said. "Have you been?"
Zach nodded. "I went when I was ten, I don't like my cousins. They called me names because I'm from here, they think I'm stupid."
Abe nodded. "Are you sixteen?"
"Yes, last Thanksgiving. How about you?"
"I'll be seventeen, um... in three weeks. I hope I'm not still here," Abe said.
"They didn't tell me, just said to keep feeding you until they come back," Zach said.
Abe grew silent and that seemed to disturb Zach. The boy seemed so young, but then he'd never seen a battlefield.
"Zach... tell me about your life, anything but stories about the war."
"Uh, well I go to school, I hate math. My friends Tom and Evan are younger than me, but both are taller. I don't know why that is, but they tease me about being shorter. They aren't mean about it, it's like a joke. But Tom's father has a farm and we go hunting out in the woods, I guess I'm a pretty good shot, but I don't like killing animals... "
Abe listened to the boy babble on and smiled. The innocence of those thoughts, he used to talk like that with Charlie. The emotions washed over him and he felt guilty. The days since New Market had been filled with thoughts of Charlie, but he hadn't thought about the boy all week.
"Abe? Are you all right?"
"No, Zach... I lost my best friend a month ago," Abe said. "We used to do things like you and your friends, it makes me sad."
"I'm sorry... I won't talk about those things again."
"It's all right. You have a good life. That makes me happy."
"I... I ought to go before Momma worries about me," Zach said.
"That's fine, see you for dinner?"
"Yes, I'll be back... don't go anywhere," Zach said.
Abe laughed. "You got me with that one."
Zach grinned. "Guess I did."
Abe heard the sound of the door close, and then the jingle of keys as the lock sprang shut. What an interesting boy, but he was following his orders closely. He didn't bring the keys into the cell block; there was no way Abe could get out of the cell.
He might trick the boy into opening the door if he was sick, but then he might just go for the doctor and not open the door. It would take some time, but Abe knew he could get that door unlocked.
Zach came back with his dinner, and the boy sat on the floor outside the bars as Abe ate.
"So you were carrying a message to Washington when they caught you, why don't you show them the paper, won't that prove who you are?" Zach asked.
"The General isn't disposed to writing things like that down, it's all words in my head," Abe replied.
"Oh, he's not a very smart man."
Abe laughed, if the boy only knew how accurate that statement was. "Yes, he can get pretty dumb about the details." Like marching his army south without supplies of food or ammunition, Abe thought.
"I appreciate you spending time with me, Zach... am I keeping you from your chores?"
"No, with all the war mess Momma won't let me go see my friends, all I have is you," Zach said.
"Thank you," Abe said, the boy was kinda sweet. "I don't suppose there's any way to get some hot water, is there? I sure could use a bath."
"Oh... I don't know, I could heat some water on the stove out in the office... but I can't open that door, my uncle said I can't."
"I'm not asking you to open the door," Abe said. "Maybe you could just leave a bucket of hot water and a rag outside the bars; I could wash up like that. I feel kinda bad with you comin in here smelling like lavender soap and I stink in these clothes."
"I could wash your clothes, but what will you wear meantimes?" Zach asked.
"I suppose a blanket will do, you could hang my clothes somewhere's to dry... but I'm asking too much," Abe said.
"No... that's fine, I'll wash the clothes, but they might take all night to dry," Zach said.
Abe chuckled. "Just long as General Wallace doesn't come for a visit. I suppose I can stay naked all night."
Zach laughed and went to fetch the water. There was something going on here, something... and then Abe smiled. He decided that Zach wanted to see him naked, the boy was curious about his body. All boys were curious, and what choice did he have?
Zach was gone a while, but eventually came back through the door with a steaming bucket in hand. He set it down by the bars with a grin.
"I got you a towel and some soap too," He said.
Abe smiled in return. "I really appreciate this, Zach." And then he began to undress. It was fair to say that Zach didn't just stare at him directly, but the eyes were watching. Abe removed his shirt and pants, sitting on the cot to remove his stockings. The smell was pretty bad, his sweat and the horse's combined to make an unmistakable stink. Abe stood up and removed his undergarments.
Zach watched as the clothes were slid through the bars. From his vantage point against the wall he couldn't miss anything of interest, and Abe wanted to make sure he saw everything. The bath felt wonderful, and Zach stayed to watch.
"It's interesting how a body can take a bath in a bucket," Abe said. "Now out in the field a whole bucket of water is a luxury, and you can never get one hot."
"We have a stove in the washroom just for heating water," Zach said. He wasn't bothering to be subtle anymore, he was just staring. "You have a lot of hair," He finally said.
"Yes, come from a long line of hairy men in the family. My father looked like a bear." And immediately Abe regretted the comment, Zach's father was dead, it was so unfair.
"I don't even shave," Zach said, "Maybe I never will."
Abe chuckled. "Count your blessings, Zach. I don't think any man feels really comfortable holding a razor to his own throat."
Zach smiled. "I guess, at least I got hair where it counts."
"At sixteen, I would hope so. But you're blonde, and fair haired folks don't seem to grow as much body hair."
Yes, the boy was blonde as a haystack. Maybe his hair was a bit long, but it framed those ruddy cheeks and blue eyes very well. Zach was an attractive creature, and Abe had to admit he had some feelings for the boy.
Both of them were emotionally vulnerable. The war, this situation, the loss of family, they had much in common. But they were on opposite sides of the fence, and Abe felt that if Zach knew the truth he would feel the budding friendship betrayed.
"You ever kissed a girl?" Abe asked as he dried himself with the towel.
Zach blushed and shook his head. "No, I never met a girl I liked."
"Me neither," Abe said.
"Really? They laugh at me in school; I don't want any of them as friends."
"They probably laugh because they don't understand you, it starts like that," Abe said.
"I play the violin and piano, my Momma made me perform in front of the others at church. I got punched for that, the boy said I was less than a man."
Abe sighed. "And how ignorant is that? Only people who are less talented than you will criticize. You go on and be yourself, others will admire you for that. I like you already."
Zach frowned. "Thank you. I wish... I wish things were different with you."
And with that he got up, grabbed Abe's clothes and ran out the door. Abe could see the boy was on the verge of crying, what had he said? What a sad life this was.
The door to the cell block opened the following morning and Zach started yelling.
"There's a big battle goin on south of town... " And then he stopped. Through the bars he could see Abe hanging from the rafters of the jail, a bed sheet wrapped around his neck. He dropped the pile of clean clothes at the sight.
"No... NO," Zach screamed, and he went for the keys to the cell. He fumbled with the lock, tears streaming down his face and sobs wracking his body. "Lord... why?" And then he was inside the cell cautiously approaching Abe's dangling body.
Enough, Abe thought, and he stepped down off the bucket he had concealed behind the cot. Zach screamed, and Abe grabbed the boy, pushing him down on the cot.
"Don't cry, everything's fine," Abe said.
Zach was trembling, the sobs of sorrow turning to fear. The cell door was open; there was nothing to keep Abe from escaping. Abe stroked the boy's hair, trying to sooth, not succeeding at all.
"I tricked you, that's all... I'm sorry."
"You said you were my friend, you liked me," Zach sobbed.
And Abe did the only thing he felt was right, he lay down and hugged the boy. Zach kept on crying, his poor body trembling, but after a few minutes Abe felt him hug back.
"I won't hurt you, I promise," Abe said. "But I've been in here long enough, I can't stand it anymore. I don't want to get you in any trouble, Zach... I do like you... we're friends."
Gently Abe leaned back and wiped the boy's tears away. Zach stared up at him, the eyes pleading, the fear in them barely subsided. It was just a feeling he had, a need... and Abe leaned down and kissed the boy.
He felt Zach go rigid and then relax as the kiss was returned. Abe was naked, something Zach was very aware of, and his hands traveled down Abe's back pulling them together. The kiss lasted a long time; Zach didn't want it to end. But they came up for air and their eyes stayed locked together.
Abe smiled. "You enjoyed that."
The fear in Zach's eyes was replaced with emotion... confusion. "You kissed me... I kissed you... why?"
"Because we really like one another and that was how we showed it," Abe said.
Zach's eyes traveled down and became wide when he saw he size of Abe's cock. A little smile cross his lips. "You... you got hard."
Abe reached over and squeezed the erection in Zach's pants. "That makes two of us."
Zach suddenly frowned. "You're going to run away, I'm in big trouble."
Abe nodded. "Your uncle is going to be mad, but not too mad."
"You... you can't go to Washington, there's a huge Reb army south of town," Zach said.
"I know, that's why I was here, but then I got locked up. I'm not going that way anymore. I'm sick of this war and what it does to boys like us."
"Then where... where can you go?"
"West... I'm going all the way to the ocean and forget that North and South ever existed," Abe said. He looked down at Zach once again and kissed him, this time the boy pressed their bodies together. Abe slid a hand down into Zach's pants and grasped the hardness he found which made the boy moan. But Abe pushed off and sat up, this was not the place to continue this.
"Come with me, Zach... let's go west together. You don't want to go to New York and we can't stay here."
"I... how can I go with you? How will we get there? My momma will kill me."
Abe leaned down and ran his fingers through the boy's hair once again. "You're so special, I have no idea how this can work... I just want you there with me."
"You do? Can we just run away like that?"
"Just like that... I have money, or I did. Have you seen my saddle bags?" Abe asked.
"All your things are out in the stable, saddle, bags, everything. My uncle said they were yours, and we might have to give it all back."
Abe was silent for a moment. "Zach... will you trust me to take care of you? I know a lot more about being out in the countryside than you do. You'll have to trust me."
Zach nodded and sat up. Abe knew the boy had come to a decision. That gleam in Zach's eyes spoke of love. But the boy was in love with the image of Corporal Cooper, soldier and possible spy. Zach's life here in Frederick had been waiting for adventure, and then he had come along.
Could he love a boy like this? Zach was sweet, kind and everything nice. He'd seen few traits like this in Charlie and maybe that's why they had never expressed these important feelings, but Zach... could he love this boy? And without much thought Abe knew the answer was yes.
There was everything to love because Zach was not filled with hate. If his soul was filled with darkness then Abe knew that Zach represented light, and he wanted to love the boy for that and so much more. He had no idea if they could succeed together, but he was willing to try... and if he was lucky so was Zach.
Neither of them was ready to say the words out loud, they didn't know the true meaning of what was developing here. Well maybe Abe had some understanding, Zach was clueless. It would take time to discover the courage, the need to express that feeling. And in this situation time was their worst enemy.
"Zach... if we leave you'll be running away from everything you know, your friends and family too. Maybe I'm asking too much. I'm sorry, it was selfish."
"I... I want to go with you, I really do... but I'm scared," Zach said.
"Me too," Abe admitted. "It's a big country out there... "
"I know all about it, my father went to California and back before I was born. He said it was the greatest experience of his life, but that isn't what scares me... you do."
"Me? I suppose, you don't know me," Abe said.
"Yes, not very well... but, um... these feelings are scary, I don't understand them."
"Zach... listen to me. We're so much alike, and we're not. I had a life of working the farm, but I had great love from my family. You've had a pampered life by comparison and a whole lot of love too. But this war has hurt us both in so many ways; I think that's why we share these feelings.
"I want a normal life again, I hate all this running around playing soldier and watching my friends die. You want adventure, excitement in your life and that's what you see in me. I want to be you and you want to be me... and neither of us has it right."
Abe put a hand on Zach's cheek and felt his fingers tremble. "You're such a beautiful one; I could learn to love you if we had the time."
It was such a blatant admission of the feelings Abe held inside. He was sure that if Zach was afraid of him that saying this might end it then and there. But the boy's eyes flashed with passion and Abe came to understand just how deep the feelings had become.
"I... I'll go with you," Zach said. "I've never done anything this crazy before, my momma won't understand, but my father might have. I have to get some things... my clothes, my horse. Will you trust me to leave and come back?"
Abe leaned forward and their lips met again, a sweet kiss, something to seal the deal. "Go on, I trust you," Abe said.
"I ought to leave a message for my mother, she has the right to know... I don't know what to say," Zach said.
Abe thought a moment. "Tell her the war has come to your doorstep and you don't want to be any part of it. Tell her you're going north to Canada until this war is over, and that she should go on to New York without you. You can write her there and tell her the truth once we're far away."
"Do you think I'll ever see her again," Zach asked.
"We're going west, that's two thousand miles or more, Zach. But this country is growing, the roads are better, the railroad is expanding. Yes, I'd say we'll get the chance to return after we make our fortune. We might have to work ten years for that to happen, but yes, tell your momma you'll come back and see her."
Zach smiled. "I'll be back soon as I can, you won't leave me?"
Abe shook his head. "I couldn't do that to you. I think I'm doing this because of us, because of what I feel for you."
Zach stood up and Abe did as well. The boy was shorter, maybe all of six inches, but that didn't signify anything. Zach gave him a hug and then giggled.
"You smell fine but you better get some clothes on," He said.
"I will. You don't have to bring everything, we can buy clothes as we need them," Abe said.
"Can I bring my violin?"
"Yes, I'd like to hear you play, maybe others will too. Just don't be long or I'll worry," Abe said.
Zach nodded. "I'm going with you; I have to go with you." And he headed for the door.
"Oh?" Abe replied.
Zach turned and smiled. "Like you, I have to understand these feelings I have." He held a hand to his chest covering his heart. "I want to know what it will take for you to love me."
Abe stood and watched the boy run out the door. He looked up at the ceiling with a smile.
"Tell me Lord, what have I done to deserve this?"
Authors deserve your feedback. It's the only payment they get. If you go to the top of the page you will find the author's name. Click that and you can email the author easily.* Please take a few moments, if you liked the story, to say so.
[For those who use webmail, or whose regular email client opens when they want to use webmail instead: Please right click the author's name. A menu will open in which you can copy the email address (it goes directly to your clipboard without having the courtesy of mentioning that to you) to paste into your webmail system (Hotmail, Gmail, Yahoo etc). Each browser is subtly different, each Webmail system is different, or we'd give fuller instructions here. We trust you to know how to use your own system. Note: If the email address pastes or arrives with %40 in the middle, replace that weird set of characters with an @ sign.]
* Some browsers may require a right click instead
