Like Dust in the Wind

by Jack Lynch

Chapter 17

If It's Not Ok, It's Not the End.


"Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"

They gasped almost in unison. Carey in a high pitched squeal; Dirk in more of a grunt. Hanging onto the post in his campus apartment for dear life, Carey endured the ass pounding.

When it was over, Dirk stumbled back, the condom hanging loosely from the end of his shrinking dick. A glob of cloudy spunk filling the very end.

"Fuck!" Carey yelped.

Dirk coughed and went to the bathroom to clean up.

On his way out, a goofy smile on his face, he said, "If we win on Saturday, do I get another treat?" Dirk, at 6'2" and 220, still the starting middle linebacker on the university's football team.

Carey just smirked as he lay on his stomach, still naked, surfing on his phone.

The butt fucking wasn't as painful now as it had been when he first let Dirk top him a couple of weeks ago. He needed it to hurt. It helped assuage the other pain. The pain in his head.

A year later. Six months of rehab, another six months for his mind to recover, if it ever would. He'd lost an entire year of school. This was supposed to be his senior year in college. Instead, he would shortly be turning 21 and still be just a junior.

He was starting to gain a little weight now. 130 pounds, 5'10," 31 waist, maybe 32. In the last few months, he'd let his hair grow out, now covering most of his ears. Some small pimples had appeared along the edge of his jaw line and on his shoulders. Although he'd always let his pubic hair grow out a bit, he had a sudden urge a few months ago. Some uncomfortable hair removal product applications and his dick, balls, and butthole were now smooth.

Carey had a lot of help along the way. Even people like Bell. Just the other day, he ran into Campbell Maine on campus. Now a Freshman and already a BMOC. His arm was around a drop dead gorgeous girl. Why not? Drop dead gorgeous himself. Dressed in a wide striped red and blue rugby shirt. Right out of the pages of a J. Crew catalog. His ever so cool "I don't give a shit" attitude.

When he spotted Carey, he took his arm off of the chick, came over, hugged him, and gave him an open mouthed kiss on the lips. Undoubtedly, just to shock his friends.

Laying on the bed now, Carey clicked his phone off, rolled over on his back, and took a deep breath. What had his shrink said? In the end, everything will be ok. If everything isn't ok, it's not the end.

A month ago, he thought everything was going to be ok. After spending the summer at home, he sat in the window at Brew-Ski's with an iced coffee, staring down at his phone. Staring at nothing, really. It sat flat on the table as he watched the screen dim and then go black.

Suddenly, the screen was filled with a reflection. A face, a young face. When he looked up, a boy was staring at him. A flicker of a memory.

"Hi," the boy said.

"Hi," Carey responded.

"Um…I know who you are."

"I think I know who you are, too." They just stared at each other for a moment. "Wanna sit down?"

"Ok, sure."

Carey looked him over. Dark brown hair, long and loosely curled, just off his shoulders, covering his ears. A cute mess…sort of like…he shook that memory away. Blue gray eyes, dimpled chin, thin, around 5'3."

"It's Jordy, right?"


"I'm Carey."

A brief nod.

"So, I guess you're 14 now?"

Another nod.

"How's hockey going?"

"I didn't play last year."

"How come?"

A shoulder shrug. "I'm thinkin' about going back this year, though."

Nodding. "That would be a good thing."

Another pregnant pause. Awkward.

They danced around the usual topics. Who was going to be in the baseball playoffs. The weather.

"Well, I should be going," Carey said as he stood up. Jordy stood up too. They looked into each other's eyes. Nothing was said. Jordy looking up at Carey, long eyelashes, blueish gray eyes that just drunk you in. Carey, staring down, his jaw set, eyes glistening. Sparks were flying.

"See ya around."

"Yee Haw!"

Carey wasn't sure what had drawn him to the rodeo.

The annual county rodeo, sort of an anomaly in an area that wasn't really all that rural and certainly wasn't far enough west to be called cowboy country.

He'd arranged to meet up with a couple of friends. They were already kicked back in the bleachers, sipping beers on a perfect end of summer evening. The roar of the crowd in the distance, Carey roamed past some of the booths that had been set up near the grandstand.

"Meet and Greet the Rodeo Stars!" The sign said at one booth. A decent sized crowd had gathered. Carey poked his head around people in front of him to see what was going on. Three cowgirls, most likely barrel racers, stood in the back of the booth, smiling broadly as they signed autographs.

The girls were all cute but one in particular grabbed his attention. Her smile was magnetic, blue eyes twinkling, a button nose, dimples, features all bordered by an oval shaped face. She wore a pearl colored cowboy hat with a broad brim that covered her straight blonde hair. A paisley kerchief was tied around her neck. Her rodeo shirt was a blue and green pinstripe of some kind of shimmery satin fabric. With her make-up done perfectly, she stood out almost like a high resolution photo. Petite, slender, probably 5'1" or 5'2."

"What's your name, honey?" She asked a young girl thrusting a program out to her.

"Can you just make it out to Jo-Jo?"

"Of course! To Jo-Jo. Have fun or go home, your friend, Ally!" She said out loud as she signed the program. Several people laughed. Carey chuckled, too.

"Jo-Jo!" A voice from nearby. Carey turned his head. Jordy had appeared out of nowhere.

The two kids rushed at each other. Standing face-to-face and smiling broadly, it appeared as though they were about to jump into each other's arms. But, they were probably the same age, and 14-year olds don't do that kind of thing.

The crowd's attention went back to the cowgirls. But, Carey's eyes were riveted on the two kids. Jo-Jo was as cute as Jordy, but in different ways, of course. Dark brown hair, parted in the middle, brown eyes, pale skin, freckles on her nose, pink lips, wearing shorts and a sleeveless top. Jordy, his dark hair still a mess, equally pale skin, those hypnotically blue-gray eyes, wearing a hockey jersey emblazoned with an NHL team's logo. Carey's stomach flipped over.

In a trance, he followed them at a distance as they strolled around the booths, engaged in private conversation.

After they reached the last booth at the end of the row, they turned around and retraced their steps. Toward the other end, two of the cowgirls, Ally and another girl, casually leaned against a post. She beckoned Jordy and Jo-Jo over.

"Jo-Jo, how ya doin'?" In a soft cowgirl kind of accent. That smile. Carey tried to place it. He suddenly realized it was the way Brad Pitt smiled. A mischievous twinkle in her eyes, as if saying, I've got something on you.

"This is Kennedy," she said referring to her friend. The other girl, strikingly good looks, black cowboy hat, dark hair. She ignored Jordy until Jo-Jo introduced him.

"Ya ok, hi," Ally said somewhat dismissively. Her attention totally on Jo-Jo, she continued to chat away.

"See ya," Jordy said shortly thereafter, quick to understand he was being ignored. He sauntered away toward the exit.

Walking quickly to catch up, Carey's pace brought him alongside Jordy. He put his hand on Jordy's shoulder.

Turning his head in surprise, "Hey!" Jordy immediately brightened up.

They bantered around a bit, Carey teasing him about Jo-Jo. Jordy giggled, but as he did, his hip knocked against Carey's. Just a touch, but it was electric. Carey felt a tingle between his legs. His mind raced way ahead of the conversation. This was the very last thing he should be thinking about.

"Wanna ride?" Carey asked as they reached the parking lot.


Jumping in the car, Jordy gave him directions to his house. On the way, Carey impulsively pulled into a city park.

"Is this ok?" He looked at Jordy expectantly.


They sat in silence.

"Do you miss him?"

"Ya. A lot." Tears filled Jordy's eyes.

"I'm so sorry."

One tear snaked its way down Jordy's cheek. Reaching over, Carey used his thumb to wipe it away. Without a word, Jordy unbuckled his seat belt, slid over, and nestled himself into Carey's shoulder. They sat like that, together, for some time. Carey's heart raced.

Taking a finger, he lifted Jordy's chin up. Their eyes met followed by their lips. They kissed softly, then more urgently. Carey's tongue pushed his way into Jordy's mouth. Their breathing quickened. Jordy's hand came up to Carey's chest, holding him for a moment, and then pushing him away.

"Is this ok?" Carey asked as their lips separated, still close.

"I don't know. I don't know. I don't know." Clearly upset and confused. He pulled back to his side of the car.

Wordlessly, Carey started the car. In a moment, they were in front of Jordy's house.

"Do you want my number?"

"Ok." After tapping it into his phone, "Thanks for the ride," he mumbled. Without a look back, he got out of the car and quickly disappeared into the house.

A deep feeling of melancholy overtook Carey. He drove home and went directly to bed.

Quiet. Jordy's mother was at her desk on her computer, his dad out of town on business.

"Mom, I'll be in the shop," he called out.

"Ok." Barely audible, distracted by her work.

Pushing a door open next to the kitchen, he entered his dad's woodworking shop. He methodically grabbed a carpet covered sawhorse and set it up in front of a full length mirror attached to the wall. Reaching to the back of a drawer, he pulled out a white plastic tube about 12 inches long, 1/2 inch in diameter. Next, he grabbed a small bottle of vegetable oil from a shelf, using a paper towel to generously coat the tube.

At this point, he normally got naked. Tonight was different; the need too urgent. Jordy just dropped his shorts and underpants and kicked them off. He left his jersey on. He didn't even bother taking off his runners and socks.

Bending over the sawhorse, his stiff cock rubbing against the coarse carpet, he spread his legs. Twisting around so he could see himself in the mirror, he pushed the plastic tube steadily into his butthole.

At first, his mind was blank. It was only when he heard his own soft grunts did his thoughts come slowly back into focus.

The first time had been Tom. Getting jerked off in his hotel room. Then, visiting Mr. Applegate at his house. Alone. Ok, it was a little weird when he wanted to kiss his feet and suck on his toes. Of course, feet and toes weren't enough for the old man. Eventually, Jordy got naked for him. He pulled back at first when Mr. Applegate tried to touch him. Once the weirdness kind of went away, that taboo fell, too.

He had never thought of his butt in a sexual way. It seemed dirty and gross. So, he was a bit freaked out when Mr. Applegate asked him to lay across his lap face down. Asked him because Mr. Applegate never demanded and Jordy always complied. Pulling his butt cheeks apart, he stared down at Jordy's hole, his rheumy eyes glazed over. First a finger, then a pencil, finally a thick plastic straw from a water bottle. The whole thing was pretty creepy but at least it didn't hurt much.

A few days later, Mr. Applegate had a stroke. Jordy heard the sirens from his own house. When he got to Mr. Applegate's house, EMT's were hauling him out on a stretcher. He decided to stop over a couple of days later. Finding the front door open, he walked in. A man who identified himself as Mr. Applegate's son, was packing stuff into boxes. He wouldn't be coming back, his son told Jordy. Mr. Applegate would soon be taking up permanent residence in a nursing home.

There was something about older guys. He couldn't figure it out. Controlling or being controlled, maybe. When he thought about it, Jordy chuckled at how warped it was. The butt thing. Why did it make him hard, though? He discovered why when he invented the little set up in his dad's woodworking shop. The orgasms were powerful and satisfying.

Just like tonight.

Her arm laid across her eyes. Another two weeks to go and the season would be over. Then a short break and it would be onto arena season. Good thing. She didn't know if she could take much more of this stinkin' hot smelly trailer. It was usually better just to imagine herself being somewhere else. Anywhere else.

Dropping her arm back to her side, Ally opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling of the trailer. She lay there naked in a pool of sweat.

She couldn't get that girl out of her mind. Jo-Jo. What a frickin' cute name to go with a frickin' cute girl. Just the way she liked 'em. Young, never too young, slender, cute features. Not much goin' on up front yet. That was good. I bet her little brown nipples got as hard as under ripe berries, Ally thought with a smile.

She didn't talk like other girls her age with all of their um's and ah's and making every phrase like a question, voice turned up at the end. Naw. She talked direct, like she was confident. Her voice wasn't girly either. It was kinda low for someone her age, almost like some of those chicks on the radio.

Ally had used up almost her entire list of flirts on Jo-Jo. Putting her hand on her arm and on her back, layering the compliments on. She kept the conversation light and funny. Ally was good at making people laugh. She thought she would melt when Jo-Jo giggled. She took her cowboy hat off a couple of times, pretending to fluff her hair up, before plopping it back on to try to look more alluring.

Ally caught Jo-Jo staring a coupla times. Once, when she let her lips fall open just a bit and ran her tongue across her front teeth. The other time, she let her hands drop off of her hips and do a fast turn around her own butt. Ally knew she had a cute butt and she used it to her advantage whenever she could. Tight, tight jeans, no panties, except when she was riding. And, she wasn't riding tonight.

She had practically creamed in her pants when she found out Jo-Jo was just 14. What she wouldn't give to take this girl's cherry. The thought brought her back to when she was that age. That put a damper on things. She frowned to herself. Dark times. 22 years old and already jaded about life.

It wasn't a total failure. At least they exchanged digits. A future hook-up was possible. If not, there was Snap.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she brought one hand up to pinch a nipple. Letting her legs fall open, she brushed her fingers across her shaved pubic bone to her vulva letting one finger lightly graze her clit. A jolt of electricity went through her. She felt a "thunk" inside as her love canal loosened up. Open for business.

Just then, the bathroom door banged open. Kennedy appeared. Naked, her breasts glistening in the light from the bathroom, large brown nipples impossibly hard. That big black strap-on dick, menacing, almost the same color as her hair.

"Turn over!" She said sharply.

Ally liked it when she talked like that. Kennedy pulled on her hip to turn her. Up on her knees, head down, hands gripping the sheets. She squeezed her eyes shut, ready for the assault.

August days rolled along and so did Carey. Literally. He rolled along Main Street one day after meeting with his shrink. These sessions left him feeling like he was walking a tightrope. Except the tightrope was now 10 feet wide so there was no fear of falling off. On one side of the fat tightrope was depression; the other side was a life. So, he was just there. In the middle.

A memory flashed before his eyes when he passed the hockey arena. Still painted that sickly color of pale green. Just as a memory was coming into sharp focus, the phone on the seat next to him vibrated.


Glancing down, he looked at the message. Who was that? He didn't recognize the number and there was no name.

"U just went by me."

Carey looked to the left followed by a quick glance to the right. No one. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a group of boys on the sidewalk next to the arena. How did he miss that?

Pulling over, Carey was picking up his phone when there was a tap on the window next to him.

It was Jordy. Standing next to the car, smiling with a little wave of his hand.

Rolling the window down, "Jump in!"

Jordy ran around to the other side and got in.

"Wa-cha up to?"

"Just hangin' with some friends."

"That's a good thing." A pause. Carey was almost afraid to ask, "Wanna hang with me?"

"Ok." Still smiling. Damn! That was a cute smile!

Carey felt a stirring. He pulled away from the curb.

"I know a place," he said spontaneously. That "place" just popped into his head. He hadn't thought of it in a long time.

"Sounds good!"

After a quick stop for a couple of cans of soda and some snacks, Carey drove to a paved trail head surrounding one of the town's many small lakes. With Carey leading the way, they walked along the trail running adjacent to the water. The path eventually wound away from the shoreline as they entered a thick forested area.

It was still there. A small opening in the foliage revealed a hidden dirt path. Brushing aside a low hanging tree branch, Carey entered the path with Jordy just behind. The path curved downward through the trees for a couple of hundred feet until it opened up onto a small sandy beach. Nothing had changed, really. A thick fallen tree trunk, probably an oak, served as a natural bench. A few empty beer cans, most smashed flat, poked out of the sand.

Sitting on the ground, their backs against the tree, they sipped sodas and nibbled on chips. Neither spoke for a long time. They just stared at the empty lake.

"Your friends sometimes call you by a different name."

Jordy blushed a bit and smirked, "Ya. Mink."


"Cuz I got dark hair, I guess. And, it's because they think I'm sneaky fast with the puck." A pause. "Connor was the one who made it up."

"I see."

Looking down, "I think it's kinda stupid."

"No. I think it's cute."

Looking up into Carey's eyes, "Really?"

"Mmmhmm." It was quiet for a moment. "Hey, listen. I'm really sorry about the other night."

"That's ok," Jordy mumbled, looking down again.

"It was really out of line."

Jordy chuckled and blushed, "I sorta freaked out." Silence for another minute. Then, "Are you gay?"

It was Carey's turn to chuckle and blush, "I have no idea." After a pause, "I might be bi."

"How does that work?"

"Well, I've been with girls and I've been with other guys." Carey stared at Jordy who was, in turn, staring at him, the sunlight making his light colored eyes dance. "What about you?"

Jordy turned his head and looked out at the lake.

Taking a breath, "I had a boy crush once."

"Who was that?"

Jordy looked down sadly.

"Oh." Carey stared out at the lake, too. "How about girls? Like that one girl, Jo-Jo?"

"Ya. But, not her. She's just a friend."

"Well, the boy crush thing. Don't read too much into that. Guys just like to fool around sometimes."

"Sometimes? Shit! It's all I think about!"

"Fooling around with other guys?"

"And girls. Stuff just plays itself out over and over in my mind. My dick is hard so much I'm afraid it might get permanently stuck like that."

Carey threw his head back and laughed.

Turning to face Jordy in a more serious tone. "Have you ever been kissed?"

Blushing, "Not like the other night."

"Was it ok?" Carey asked. Jordy blushed and looked down.

Softly, "Ya," still looking down.

"Can I kiss you again?"

"Ya," in a whisper.

Turning to face Jordy more directly, Carey brought both arms up to cup Jordy's face with his hands. Leaning in, he brought their lips together. God! He tasted good! A combination of salty chips and soda mixed with the sweetness of his saliva.

"Ouch!" Carey grabbed at his chest. He hadn't realized that Jordy had snaked his hand underneath his shirt. When he pinched his nipple, it was way too hard. Pushing him away, then staring at him for a moment, he tugged his shirt off.

Pulling Jordy's fingers back to his nipple, he whispered, "Softer."

Their lips and tongues resumed their dance. Jordy lightly pushed him over onto his back. Kissing his way across Carey's chest, his hand nudged its way under the waistband of his shorts. A jolt went through Carey when Jordy wrapped his fingers around his cock.

After a couple of strokes, Jordy pulled his mouth off of Carey's, Concentrating on undoing his belt, he opened Carey's shorts and pulled them down past his knees along with his underwear. Carey's cock flipped out, pink, raw, and very hard. In one quick move, Jordy opened his mouth and sucked Carey's cock in as far as it would go.

"Ouch! God damn it!" Another jolt of pain went coursing through Carey.

Chuckling lustily, he pulled Jordy's mouth off of him and looked him in the eyes.

"No teeth!" he rasped. The kid had obviously not done anything like this before.

More slowly, Jordy sank his mouth down on top of Carey. He gasped quickly, concentrating as hard as he could to keep from cumming.

When it was no longer possible to hold back, he orgasmed. They lay next to each other to catch their breaths. Carey had blasted so much cum into Jordy's mouth, some of it had overflowed. The sides of his mouth were caked with a drying crust of spunk. Giggling lightly, Carey licked the end of his thumb, using it to wipe the stains from Jordy's face.

Getting up on his knees, Carey pulled Jordy's t-shirt off. He quickly whipped his shorts and underwear off, too, leaving him wearing just high tops and socks. The incongruity of being naked while wearing shoes. Looking down at him, he looked so cute and impossibly sexy.

OMG, his cock! More brown than pink, thick, large. Much larger than one would think for a smaller guy. Carey licked around the valley between the head and shaft of his cock. Firm, smooth, almost rubbery. He smelled his boy smell. That wonderful combination of sweat, balls, and butt. After the tip of his tongue ran slowly around the head, he let Jordy's cock sink into his mouth. As the sucking went on, Jordy lifted his hips up, feet flat on the sand. Carey clutched his butt cheeks.

When it was over, they lay curled into each other for the longest time. Bliss. Eventually, they dragged themselves out of there.

A few days later, Carey pulled up in front of Jordy's house. He was already standing at the curb. Carey got out of his car, opened the trunk, and watched as Jordy lofted his bag in.

His hand on the trunk lid, he turned to Jordy. "You're sure you want to do this?"

Jordy just nodded.

Winding their way through town, both of them faced forward. Silence.

When they arrived at the arena, Carey pulled past the building and parked just down the block. After they got out of the car, Carey opened the trunk. Jordy pulled his hockey bag out and dropped it on the ground. He looked up at Carey. They hugged each other hard. Carey breathed in Jordy's smell. Laundry detergent, shampoo, soap, and just him. Making a memory.

Jordy picked up the bag and started walking toward the arena entrance.

"Mink!" One of the boys in a large group standing around in front of the building had noticed him.

Three boys immediately peeled away and started running at full tilt toward Jordy. When they reached him, Jordy was forced to drop his bag as all three embraced him. Seeing what was happening, the rest of the boys came running, too. They all hugged him while they jumped up and down.

"Mink! Mink! Mink!" They yelled, followed by "Jordy! Jordy! Jordy!" All in unison, their jumps timed to match the cheers.

Carey couldn't even see Jordy. He had disappeared into the middle of the group. With a smile, Carey turned away, got into his car and drove away.

As he walked up the steps of the library on a beautiful fall Saturday, Carey could hear a distant roar of the crowd and the band playing at the football stadium. It didn't mean anything to him, though. His mind was totally focused on researching the paper he needed to submit by Monday.

Late in the afternoon, papers and books spread in front of him, he got a text.

"We won!" It was from Dirk.

Carey looked at the screen with no expression.

"Do I get my treat?"

He picked up his phone and just looked at it. A moment of hesitation.


"C U soon"


Carey shrugged his shoulders as he closed the lid on his laptop.

Everything wasn't ok and it wasn't the end.

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