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What has happened to Chris and Nigel? It's now 25th October 2006

Not a truly simple question to answer, but easy, too.

The story was the first story I ever wrote. That probably shows in the early chapters. And I love all the characters in it. There is some of me in each of them, you see. As I started to write I had no plan.

No, that's wrong

My plan was to bring two gay teenagers up to the present day, starting at fourteen and ending at 21, just graduating from university, facing struggles along the way, hardships, separations and never once losing their love for each other. It started set in 1993, the year before the Channel Tunnel opened. I started to write it in January 1999. So the boys are now somewhat older than 14.

Fights they would have, they would be outed at some point, and the dark side, that of child abuse, was very much in my mind. The abuse of a child affects more than that child, especially when that child then tries suicide. That was what I wanted to explore with Billy. I wanted to show how his abuse affected those near him, and how it polarised views for and against him, and by inference for and against gay kids. For some reason we get called paedophiles when, as a young teenager, we are naturally attracted to other young teenagers. That's wrong.

This story is the catalyst that would out Chris and out Nigel. Not sure which one first, but the other was to stand up for him. And amongst that, Mrs Wilding will be in formal trouble because of the down to earth and common sense way she handled the various crises in school. That was what the awful “Section 28” was about, stopping teachers from being able to help kids. Or so far too many people thought. Mrs Wilding is exonerated, but her career is in tatters.

As to the future, no-one dies. Chris goes to a pretty academic university and reads something challenging. Nigel, bless him, is not academic at all. He goes to the Bournemouth University and reads Sports Management. There's a market for leisure centres it seems, and Bournemouth is the best place to study it.

The story wrote itself. The characters spoke and things happened in the dialogue that created the chapters. The only plan was to get out of the mess that each chapter end left one or another boy in. But things happened in my life, too.

The story was created after many years of intolerable stress of being obsessed with a boy I had not seen for decades. The sexual elements were my desires, magnified many times by longing. And the stress got so much I nearly broke under it. Nigel Cropper arrived in my life, or on the periphery of it. He's real enough, but does not exist! I wrote Nigel's story and I wrote it from Chris's perspective. He's wonderful, you see. Perfect imperfection. As I wrote my stresses went away. I also fought to get rid of them.

I broke the obsession and that broke the story. And Nigel was not the boy I was obsessed with. His real name is Nigel Smith, and we were at school together, he a year or two my junior. The boy I was obsessed with has a more unusual name, so his first name of John will just have to do. I broke my obsession for John, and the story started to degrade. I managed several more chapters, but the plot started turning to crap and the words they boys spoke were harder to make real.

I've left the story untouched for three years now, nearly. I deluded myself that I could finish it, but I think it is now open for all time as a continuing love story, unfinished, like life.

They will grow old together. They married just behind Elton John in Windsor! They fell for the place when they went to the midnight Christmas service at St George's Chapel. Today, in October 2006, Nigel is on his way to managing a big health club. Chris is a teacher at their local comprehensive school, not the one they grew up in, they live in Berkshire now. He's a good teacher. The kids know he's gay, so do the staff and parents. Best of all, being gay doesn't matter. He wasn't going to be a teacher, but Mrs Wilding inspired him. It's not a debt to her, not exactly, but he's already heading for headship. He has some things to do, by no means all of which are helping gay kids. He just wants all kids to grow up with more tolerance and belief in diversity.

They live in my heart. To me they are real, and are my friends. I hope they are yours, too.

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