Just Hit 'Send' - The College Years

by Grasshopper

Ch. 1

Jordan leaned back lazily on the park bench watching his son rough and tumble with 3 other little boys, their game of soccer more resembling a free for all in a monkey cage, rules somewhere between counting to 1,2,3 and wheeeeeeeeeee!! The day was cool, the sky clear with just a few fat clouds scudding across the wide expanse of blue.

He felt the envelope in his jacket pocket again, running his fingers gently over the stamp, the faintly indented letters of his name. He had found it in his mailbox this morning along with bills and two birthday cards from friends. He hadn't opened it yet, the time hadn't been right, his mind hadn't been ready.

Now, with the sun beaming down on his face, the sound of his son's laughter floating in the air, he breathed in deeply, pulled the cream colored envelope out and stared at the writing:

Jordan Lawrence
Apt. 7
1417 Clarkson Ave.
Wilmington, NC

The handwriting so familiar, the way he made that funny J and then looped all the other letters. Flipping it over, he saw the scrawled D. Trainor across the back flap. It felt like a card, stiff and formal. Jordan held the envelope gently in his fingers, even lifting it to his nose, as if he'd find a scent, something to bring Dan to this bench instead of this card.

"Wha dat Daddy?" Josh asked as he ran over to his daddy and flopped across his knees. "Me?"

"No, Joshie," Jordan murmured as he ruffled the child's beautiful gold curls, "This one's for Daddy." He slid his finger under the flap and tore the envelope open, pulling the card out.

Closing his eyes for a second, Jordan finally looked down at the birthday card in his hands, taking in the fat dinosaur doing a handstand on a bright orange skateboard with a soft smile. Opening the card, he saw the all too familiar smiley face and the words:

Hiya Kicker J
Wish I could be there on the big 25. Have a great day!
I'll always love you ~

Josh saw the tears in his daddy's eyes and his little face crumpled. "Daddy?" he whispered.

Jordan grabbed his son up in his arms, stood up quickly and hugged him tight. "Everything's fine, sweetheart. Daddy's fine. Let's go get some ice cream."

The envelope and the card fell to the ground and lay there, not forgotten, never forgotten, it's just that some things are too impossible to believe in.

Life for Jordan and Danny was hard, their characters molded by the struggle to love each other as only young boys can do, as if there was always tomorrow and tomorrow and there would always be a way. The tomorrows were far between and there wasn't always a way.

David Lawrence gave them permission to look at each other and nothing more. The short happiness created that night when Jordan's dad asked him to always make him proud had not created a way for them to be together. Far from it. Doors were always to be left open, there was to be no touching, no whispering, and they weren't to go off together alone. An impossible situation. All that was left was cyberspace and that wasn't acceptable any more.

Late at night, no lights but the glow of the screen, they talked, knowing the talk was all they had.....for now.



"I think about it all the time."


"You know........."

"Oh....yeah me 2 tell me what you think"

"Well, who does what....its gonna hurt....i want you inside me....god I'm hard"

"me 2.....I guess I........wow, I never thought......."

Jordan's mind flashed vivid images of two bodies, one with beautiful scarred legs that weren't strong enough.

"Is there an easy first time way?"

"I don't know but I think you would have to be like on the bottom Dan"

Danny cursed his legs for the millionth time.

"I'm sorry Jordy" L

"Shut up! I KNEW you'd say that. We'll find the ways that work for you, for us. I love you Dan. I don't care if we never do that as long as I can hold you and kiss you and well, some other stuff >>giggle<< But we can do that....I know you want it. Me too. We'll just have to work on it till we get it right. PracticePracticePractice....A tough job but somebody's gotta do it. I volunteer J J J J J J J J ME!!!!!!!

"I'll always love you, Jordy."

"I so hope you do."

And they did what they always did, their minds full of other images, hot skin, hands sliding, sticky fingers, soft hidden moans, always wishing for the day when they could just scream as these feelings shot through their bodies.

When Jordan raged at his father to let him see Danny, all he got was the same answer, "You can.......love that boy if you think you have to but you will not disobey the laws of God." End of statement........end of happiness.

Danny's folks had been much better about it all, but they had asked that no fooling around go on in their home so, on the few times that Jordan was allowed to visit Danny, they had to be content with holding hands and sneaking kisses, jumping apart whenever Danny's parents walked in the room. And with no overnights, there was no privacy, no nothing. Their computers their only privacy, they spent every night trying to feel each other through the screen, breathe through the screen.

"This is such crap"

"Yeah....major fuckup"

"I want you so bad"

"You don't even know"

"Yeah....I kinda do"

"Let's just run away"

"Been there...Done that. We can wait. We have to"

"Yeah Jordy. We have all the time in the world"

Easy had stayed on at Griff's house, his mom taking him in as a foster child but loving him like he was her own. He spent a lot of time with Jordan and the three boys supported each other through their senior year. Griff spent time with Easy finally making him see that it's who you are, not what you've had to do to survive, that lets people love you. Easy E became just another boarder and you could find him down at the empty swimming pool every Friday night with Jordan, Griff, Mikey, Gus, Trey and the others. He even got himself a girl, Marcia, a totally fine lookin' woman as he would say every chance he got. Life became easier for Easy.

He finally talked to Griff, told him where he was from and why he could never go home. Griff and Jordan stood on either side of him at the court hearing taking custody away from his father and handing him over to the Langley family.

"Can I be Easy Langley now?" he grinned.

"Anything's better than your real name," Griff snickered, having found it out at the hearing. "But I'm gonna stick with Easy E." Easy whacked him on the arm and they grinned at each other.

Brothers couldn't have been closer than Jordan, Griff and Easy as they sat on the front porch that summer talking about their plans for the fall.

"I got accepted at Florida State," Jordan said softly, knowing there was no money for Easy to go to college. Griff was headed to University of Florida in Gainesville with a football scholarship. They both knew this was hard on Easy, having found them to lose them again.

"I'll be fine," Easy smiled. "I got my job at the Citgo, you know that. I'll save my money and there's no telling what I'll do." He'd never let them see how much this hurt. "I got Marcia. I'll be super fine."

That night at the dinner table, Jordan's daddy asked, "You all registered for school?"

"Yes sir."

"Anything I can do to help you get ready?"

"No sir."

"Are you still talking to that Trainor boy?"

Jordan shot him a look but quickly looked away. That Trainor boy. Things would never change.


"Is he uh..........where is he going to school?"

"He hasn't decided, maybe South Florida."

Jordan watched his father's face relax as that news pleased him. He looked over at his mama and saw the questions in her eyes. Dinner finished, Jordan excused himself and left the room.

"Jordan?" his mama spoke quietly from the doorway as he sat on the floor in his bedroom sorting his CDs into 2 piles: college/closet.

"Hiya," he smiled patting the carpet next to him. She came in and plopped down beside him.

"Where is Danny going to school?"

Jordan sighed, a tiny smile quirking the corner of his mouth.

"I figured," she smiled softly.

The FSU campus was beautiful and Jordan's dorm was old red brick with ivy crawling up every available wall. The room was small. It was old. It was four bare walls. It was heaven. Jordan stood in the center of the double room and spun around in a circle. As much as he loved Mama, he wished they'd leave now. He wanted to start his life.

Shaking his daddy's hand, hugging his mama close, she whispered in his ear. "I love you Jordan. Take care of your heart." He watched as their car rounded the corner and then turned to face his new home.

His roommate Jerry arrived and seemed to be a good guy, lots of CDs and lots of clothes and lots of talk.

Three hours into the nonstop Jerrytalk......"You got a girl, Jordan?"


"Me either. I hope I connect soon. What kind you like?"

"Yeah," a third voice asked, from the doorway, "What kind do you like, Jord?"

Jordan's face lit up like the 4th of July. "DANNY!!!!" He jumped up practically running to the door. Skidding to a stop, he reached for Danny, only just remembering that Jerry was watching. Eyes shining, both boys grinned, all kind of thoughts rushing into their heads. "We're together!" they laughed with their eyes.

Jordan remembered Jerry and turned. "This is my um....my very best friend, Danny. Danny, this is Jerry, my roommate."

Trying desperately not to just grab Jordan and throw him on the bed, Danny stood very still and took a deep breath.

Jerry looked from Jordan to Danny and back again. "Well, hello best friend Danny," Jerry laughed. "I just have one question."


"How often am I gonna have to bunk somewhere else?"

Jordan's cheeks flamed and Danny looked down at the floor and fiddled with his braces. "Oh God," Jordan breathed.

"Hey, it's okay," Jerry smiled. "Whatever floats your boat."


Jerry laughed. "Standing a little too close, smiling a little too big, happy a little too much. But hey, no complaints here as long as one of you is good in math."

Danny reached over and touched Jordan's arm, they smiled and Jerry wasn't sure there was any oxygen left in the room.

"You guys need me to go um......see the sights or something?"

"What? Oh.....no, no," Jordan laughed weakly.

"Then let's all go get some food. I gotta hear the history."

Neither one hungry.........for food, but both liking Jerry and knowing they would find a place to be together now, they clammered down the stairs, Jordan as always, holding Danny's elbow to steady him.

"Sooooooooo," Jerry said after two pizzas and Dr. Pepper, "You guys have been forbidden to um.........be best friends?"

"Yeah," Jordan muttered, his leg pressed tightly against Danny's under the table, Danny's hand rubbing circles on Jordan's thigh inching higher and higher.

"Why didn't ya just say 'Fuck you ! '? Jerry asked.

Jordan looked away and Danny answered for him. "Jordy loves his parents. We'll work it out." He pleaded with Jerry to drop that question. Jerry nodded slowly.

"And you couldn't room together?"

"Lord No."

"And these are why you demanded a room on the first floor, huh Dan?" Jerry smiled, poking at Danny's braces. He watched the exchange of looks between the two boys.

"Where's your roommate, Dan?"

"He hasn't gotten here yet," Danny answered. "His name is Mark. He wrote me an e-mail in August. I hope he's as nice as you."

They walked out into the twilight, car lights blinking on. "I'm gonna go see a movie," Jerry announced. "It will be over at....," he glanced at his watch, "11:00." He giggled and smiled at his two new friends. "Now, go before you explode!"

Practically dragging Danny, Jordan flung them through the door of his room and locked it. Turning back, he found himself wrapped in two arms, tangled in legs and braces and lips and....................oh God.

"I need to......"

"God, yes!"

Naked, nose to nose, toes to toes on the bare mattress, Danny sighed into Jordan's mouth. "I never want to move."

"Well, I kinda want to move........a little lower," Jordan murmured.

Danny rolled onto his back and Jordan slid down, down until his face rested at that hot crease where leg joins body, that hot sweaty place that smelled like Danny. No words now........only soft sighs and low moans and tiny sounds of joy. It was like coming home.

Danny's hands in his hair, Jordan wanted everything at once. He wanted to taste the sweetness, feel the hardness, inhale the heavy smell of sex and love. He did. Danny did. They came until there was nothing left and their bodies lay almost satisfied.

They touched and tasted and lay glued together, not wanting to move. "All those nights sitting at our computers," Danny sighed, as the clock ticked toward 11. "I wanted you so bad some nights, Jordy. I ached with it."

"I know, baby. Me too."


"Yeah, baby?"

"I want.........," his fingers fluttered across Jordan's back and down to his rounded butt, just stopping softly and resting there.

"I know. We will. Not here. Not tonight. We need all the time in the world and we'll try." Jordan wasn't sure how to do any of that. He knew where everything fit. He knew how it should work but knowing and doing were two very different things. He wanted it to be perfect for Danny. "We'll be each others first."

"We'll be each others only," Danny sighed, voice trembling slightly with emotion. "I'll always love you, Jordy."

At the discreet tapping on the door signaling Jerry's return, both Danny and Jordan were dressed and sitting far across the room from each other.

"Guys!" Jerry giggled. "Next time open a window. I'm gettin' a hard on and I don't want either one of you." He flapped at the air with his hands. "I'd tell you to get a room, but..........well, this IS your room."

"Shove it, Jer," Jordan laughed.

"Nowhere to yet," Jerry responded, all three boys laughing, becoming friends. "Let's walk Mr. I'm Too Sexy For My Self to his dorm room. Maybe his roomie is here."

They crossed the square and climbed up the three front steps slowly, Jordan's hand holding tightly onto Danny's elbow. "Couldn't you get a room on the bottom floor?" Jerry asked.

"I need the exercise," Danny smiled even though his face was showing the fatigue. Jordan flashed a look at Jerry, his eyes saying, "I'll explain later."

"Room 102. That's me," Danny said as he reached for the door, only to draw back in surprise as he saw a girl slipping an old faded football jersey over her head, her body still damp from her shower.

"Oops! Sorry," he stammered, backing out and checking the room number. 102. His room. Knocking on the door, the three boys stared at a really cute tiny blonde with sparkling green eyes drowning in a huge blue and gray jersey.

"I'm........," Danny stuttered. "I'm Danny Trainor and I think this is my room. Jordan stood very still. He'd never seen eyes the same exact color as his own. She was so tiny.

"Hiya Danny Trainor," the mystery girl laughed. "Welcome to OUR room." She opened the door all the way and swept back her arm in welcome. All of Danny's stuff had been put away, the beds made, curtains hung on the window and a big braided rug spread on the floor. "I didn't know how you wanted the CDs and books and stuff so I just piled them over there til you got home." He glanced over to see his 'stuff' piled neatly in the seat of his wheelchair.

Got home? What the hell? "Who are you?" Danny spluttered.

"I'm your roommate."

"My roommate is a guy named Mark," Danny protested. "You are so not a guy."

Jordan and Jerry stood in the doorway, caught between confusion and laughter as they watched Danny struggle.

Her cheeks curving into two deep dimples, her eyes laughing, she said, "Nope, I'm definitely not a guy. My name is Markie and I AM your roommate."

"But,,,,,,but..........but......," Danny stammered.

She giggled. "I have a motorboat for a roommate." She turned and looked at the other boys for the first time. "Hi. I'm Markie Latham and you are?"

Jerry nearly fell over himself to get to her first. "Jerry. I'm Jerry, Jordan's roommate."

And then her eyes slide to Jordan. Green eyes stared into green eyes, same brown flecks, same gray circle. Something flashed in Markie's eyes and was gone. Jordan felt it go. "And you are?" she said.

"Jordan Lawrence. Danny's friend." He pulled his eyes from hers and saw confusion on Danny's face.

"Friend as in old friends from high school?" Markie asked.

"Something like that," Jordan answered. He smiled at Danny and watched the frown disappear from his eyes.

"How can you be my roommate?" Danny asked. "You're a girl."

"Yep, a girl. That's me," she smiled. "It's a coed dorm and I guess they messed up somehow cause of my name. I have 6 brothers and there's nothing I haven't seen before."

"Maybe a couple of things," Jerry muttered under his breath.

"We'll be friends, right?" Markie asked. "No leering, no leaping at me from behind the door?"

"Believe me," Danny groaned, "No leering, no leaping." He looked over at Jordan in confusion and frustration.

"I can promise you," Jerry said, trying not to laugh but failing, "Danny will be a model of propriety. He's a real gentleman, huh Dan?"

"Shut the fuc.........Shut up!" Danny caught back the curse. "Jordan..............out in the hall.....NOW!!"

Jordan put on the most serious face he could find and stared into Danny's wide eyes. "Dan, this is really great. For me anyway. I don't have to worry about you falling for some hunky roommate now. And you," he ducked his head, "Have a built-in Mommy."

Danny whacked him one and finally saw the humor in the whole situation. He had a girl for a roommate. Maybe she'd do his laundry J and he'd get all his studying done cause he wouldn't be sneaking peeks.

As the days turned into weeks and into a semester, the three boys became almost inseparable. Jerry gave up his room to study in the library so many times that he never had to pay for pizza. They didn't owe him one, they owed him big time. Markie became their sister and the four of them studied together but Markie totally wouldn't cooperate about the laundry. Life was good.

Neither Jordan nor Danny went home for weekends, not wanting to be apart, but Thanksgiving was fast approaching. "I don't want to leave you," Danny sighed, his cheek resting on Jordan's belly, his fingers tracing wobbly lines down into a tangle of soft brown curls. "I wish we could go somewhere and just be together." His mind raced back to Jordan's words " Not tonight. We need all the time in the world and then we'll try".

"I know, Dan."

The solution came from Markie, of all people. They hadn't hidden anything, just hadn't come out and said, "We're gay and we love each other." So, when she came up behind them one day, wrapped her arms around them both and whispered, "Wanna go somewhere neat over Thanksgiving? Somewhere you can be alone?" they both spun around to see the twinkle in her eyes. "I'd be uberstupid not to know, guys," she sighed melodramatically. "I just wish all the best ones weren't gay."

Her parents had a place on Lake Jackson about 45 minutes out of Tallahassee and no one was gonna be there for the holiday. If they wanted, they could go and be alone for a few days.

IF THEY WANTED TO GO????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Hey Mama. I'm gonna go to Jerry's for Thanksgiving. His parents want to meet his roommate."

"Hi Dad. Markie invited me to her house for Thanksgiving. I''ll see you at Christmas time."

Two days before the trip, Jordan sat down in his computer chair and sent and e-mail.

"Hiya Cutie!"

"Hey Kicker! What's up?"

"Me always J We gotta go shopping. Get over here and we'll see what we need."

"K.........see ya"

They found a site, read the entire section on lubricants and condoms and nearly freaked. "I wish we had someone to ask," Danny said quietly. Between lubricated, sensitive, nonoxynol-9, latex, water-based, oil-based, vaseline, edible oils, they just turned the computer off and sat quietly, arms around each other.

"We need condoms and lube," Jordan said, trying to sound confident.

"Did you see where it said not to use a condom you've been carrying in your wallet?" Danny frowned. "And we gotta check expiration dates just like on milk and stuff."

"Okay, we want latex condoms, right? It says they're better, against, you know, STDs and HIV and stuff. And we need lube like I guess K-Y or something cause it's water based."

"I feel like I'm going for a doctor check up or something," Jordan griped. "But we gotta do this right."

The student union was out, the pharmacy across from the dorms was out. They wanted to go together and look at it all. "Give us a ride to that Walgreens down on Morrison, Markie," Jordan asked, hers the only car on campus. She dropped them off, promising to be back in a half hour.

Pushing the door open, Jordan let Danny through and caught his arm as he started to trip on the rubber mat. "Watch out!" Danny smiled, loving how Jordan always caught him, always looked out for him.

The store had really bright lights and lots of people. Argg!! New at this, and dying before they'd ask, the two boys wandered the aisles as if they were just browsing.

Finally, hitting the personal hygiene section, their eyes widened as they saw that there were like a zillion kinds of condoms. Glow in the dark, regular, small, extra large, flavored..........."Jordyyyyyyy."

"I know. Hmmmmmm.....I don't need you to glow. I can find you. I guess regular heehee. Flavored........ummmmmm. Let's just go with plain latex. That's what the site said, right? Oh wait, plain, reservoir, contoured......... what do ya think?"

They looked up to see a lady frowning at them as if they were stealing something. Hurrying their choices, Jordan grabbed a package of 12 of each kind. They'd just have to investigate the reservoir/ contoured thing. That might not be such a bad thing.

Next, some lube. Now, they stood looking at the stuff and thinking water-based. Ackkkkkk !! Finally, Danny saw the K-Y on the shelf and nodded his head toward it. "That one, Jordy?"

"Yeah, grab some and let's get the hell outta here." Looking for the shortest line, they pushed the items toward the checkout girl. Jordan's eyes widened when he saw 8 boxes of K-Y. Biting his bottom lip to keep from laughing hysterically at the pile of lube boxes and the strips of 48 condoms, he cut his eyes toward Dan who was blushing madly.

"Will that be ALL?" the girl asked, rolling her eyes. Jordan pulled out his wallet and cringed when the bill totaled 43 dollars and 19 cents. He would have run from the store if it hadn't been for Danny's braces.

Outside, Danny groaned, "My God!"

"Yeah," Jordan teased, "You better be one hot lay, kiddo." Danny shoved him and they were scuffling happily when Markie drove up.

"Get what you needed?" she asked curiously.

"I THINK we got enough," Danny laughed.

The day of the trip, they piled into the car and dropped Jerry off at the airport for his 10:00 flight to Chattanooga. "Bye guys," he yelled as they dumped him at the United terminal. "Be good to each other."

They stopped by Food Lion and stocked up on Doritos, Dr Pepper, hot dogs and other healthy junk. "You make a great grocery cart," Markie giggled as they piled the items higher and higher in Danny's lap. He groaned but he HAH volunteered to hold the basket if somebody pushed his chair.

The lake house was cool. Markie showed them where everything was and then made herself scarce. "I'll be back on Friday bright and early. Enjoy. Don't do anything I......no, wait, do lots of things I'd never do." She grinned and drove off, leaving Jordan and Danny standing together, arms around each other as the sun began to set.

They sat on the end of the dock, feet rippling the cold water, their jackets zipped against the brisk evening air.



"I love you."

"Me too you."



"You as scared as me?"

Jordan gripped Danny's hand tighter. "God,yes! I feel like I want this more than anything but yet it's gonna be one big ridiculous mess."

"Me too....me too."

They watched the moon; watched the stars winking at them as they began to fill the sky. They felt their hearts beating, heard their breaths climb.

"Dan? Come on." Jordan stood up, reached for Danny's braces and held out his hand. Danny pulled himself up, using Jordan for his anchor as he did in almost everything in his life. Together, they walked up the dock and into the small house, locking doors and closing windows.

So many firsts, so many things they would have already done or tried or gotten used to if they were a girl and a boy. It didn't seem fair. It wasn't fair but maybe now life would smile on them for a little while.

"We've never even taken a shower together," Danny giggled.

"Well, I've sure 'had you' in the shower plenty," Jordan grinned. "But maybe this time you'll actually be present."

Heading for the bathroom, Jordan let out a whoop! "Daniel !! Get in here."

Danny hurried to the door and freaked at the clawfoot bathtub standing up on a low platform. There was a shower curtain on an oval ring above but it was shoved back.

"Oh.......My........God !!" Danny gulped. "Look at that!!"

Jordan snuffled around under the sink and came up with a bottle of bath bubbles. "Look what I found," he grinned. Reaching in, he turned on the hot water, added the cold and stuck in the stopper. Pouring in some of the raspberry bubbles, he turned to Danny. "Bath time, my little rubber ducky."

Danny started giggling, trying to be serious. He laughed until he saw Jordan toe off his sneakers. His eyes rounded and he leaned back against the counter. "Strip for me, Jordy."

Jordan locked his eyes onto Danny's. He teased him by licking his lips and winking. Smiling broadly, Jordan pulled off his socks and reached for the hem of his pullover. Tugging it over his head, his shiny brown hair standing straight up, he had never looked more beautiful to Danny. Smooth, tight skin, those caramel nipples Danny loved to taste.

"Jordy," Danny sighed.

"More?" he murmured.

"Oh yes."

The look in Danny's eyes gave Jordan confidence, made him feel beautiful. And Danny was the only one that mattered. He snapped the button on his cargoes, slid the zipper down, the sound causing Danny to inhale sharply. Hooking his thumbs in the waistband, he pushed and his pants pooled around his feet. Standing there in his briefs, a little too tight the way Danny liked them, Jordan held out his hands. "See anything you like?"

Danny's eyes practically smoked, "Oh yeah."

Jordan tugged at the black briefs and they joined the rest of his clothes in a pile by the door. "Your turn."

Danny watched as Jordan walked toward him, all soft skin and tan lines and aroused flesh. He had never wanted him as bad as he did at this moment. He felt his own body tight and pulsing, straining to be released.

"I can't do as good a job as you," Danny sighed.

"You do just fine, sexy boi," Jordan groaned deep in his throat. "Just fine. Let Jordan help you with these stupid clothes." He tugged Danny up onto the counter and knelt down to take off his sneakers and socks. Raising back up, he took the braces and propped them against the bathroom doorway. "We don't need these."

The old blue DHS sweatshirt came off over Danny's soft black curls and Jordan kissed his mouth as it appeared out from under the cloth, licking his bottom lip. "Raise up."

Danny put his hands on Jordan's shoulders and raised his butt up off the counter as Jordan pulled off his jeans and shorts. Tugging them over his feet, they added to the pile on the floor.

Danny's hand found Jordan. Jordan reached for Danny. All it took was a touch, a whisper, a single slide of the hand.

"Now," Jordan panted, his breath coming in spurts just as his body had moments before, "Now, bath time."

Turning toward the tub, Jordan cocked his head. " Whoa. Water's about to run over. Stay put." He ran over and pulled the plug and let some of the water out. Satisfied that it was perfect, he came back, slipped one arm under Danny's knees as Danny slung his arms around Jordan's neck. "I love when you carry me," Danny said softly. "I'm so sorry you have to but...."

"Shhh," Jordan said softly. "I'll always help you till you don't need me to anymore."

"I'll always need you."

Jordan set Danny in the warm bubbly water and then stepped in, settling behind him and pulling him close up against his chest. Danny's head nestled just under his chin, Jordan sighed. "God.......this feels great !"

Hands slid, words whispered, fingertips brushed, bodies hardened. One reached for the soap, lathered hands rubbed and caressed, fondled and stroked.

Danny felt Jordan's fingers reach lower and he spread his legs. He could feel curls of excitement waving through him. "Oh," was all he could say. He felt gentle fingers touch, circle, open. He could feel Jordan pressed hard against his butt. He was throbbing with want. His knees went slack against the sides of the tub as his body let go in waves. "Jordy," he breathed.

"I love you, baby."

The water was getting cool. Both boys were squeaky clean. "How many baths can a person take before they turn into a prune?" Jordan laughed.

"I don't know but we'll find out while we're here."

Jordan got Danny out of the tub and onto his braces. "You go on. I'll clean up. Don't start without me." He mopped up as best he could and wrapped a towel around his waist. He got as far as the bathroom door. Danny was sitting, naked, in the middle of the bed, one foot tucked under, biting on his thumbnail, looking about 12. He looked up as Jordan walked into the room.

"That felt so good, Jordy, touching me there," he whispered shyly. Jordan climbed onto the bed and sat opposite, his legs bent Indian style as he waited for Danny to say more.

"I've never.........."

"Me either, just in the shower."

"It made me so hot. Did ya see? I came, no hands."

Jordan giggled. "Like riding a bike."

Jordan watched Danny's eyes. They grinned at each other and then Danny's eyes traveled down. "Jordy?"


"I just don't see how 'that' .........."

"I know."

"Who does what? Do we flip a coin?"

"We are the dumbest two boys in the world, aren't we?"

"All we can do is try. Maybe we'll hate it."

"Yeah, right. You inside me. Me inside you. Like parts of a puzzle."

"I'm sorry about my legs, Jordy."

"Dan.......Look at me. Listen !" Jordan took Danny's sweet face in both hands. "I never want you to say sorry about your legs again.....ever. They make you who you are. If we couldn't do anything........if all I could do was kiss you, I wouldn't love you any less. Hear me. Dan? You are in my heart. One day, you'll walk towards me without those damn braces. I know you will. Never say you're sorry for who you are again, please baby."

Jordan saw Danny's eyes fill and he leaned in and kissed the tears away. "None of that, stud boi. We've got stuff to do. I think that since this is a Christopher Columbus kind of deal, I'll give it a go first."

"Who died and made you king?"

"Well, you wanna?"

"Ummm...I'll get the stuff, your highness." He schooched over and grabbed the tube of KY and a strip of condoms from the bedside table. "K..ready."

"Now, I'm gonna like scrunch down on you, so here, get these pillows behind your head." Jordan pulled pillows and stuffed them behind Danny's head and shoulders, stopping to kiss him for a little. "That feel good?"


"Not the kisses, the pillows."

"Yeah." Danny watched Jordan act like he knew what he was doing and smiled.


"You're so cute."

"Shut up. I have to concentrate."

"Well, that's very romantic."

"This has got to be a hell of a lot easier with a girl."

"Wanna go get a girl?"

"Shut up!!"

Jordan squirted some lube in his hand and took hold of Danny, rubbing it on through the circle of his fingers. "Ahhhhhh." The feeling of Jordan's hand on him, the sight of Jordan climbing over to straddle his thighs, Jordan's balls resting softly on him.....Danny could hardly breathe.

Reaching for a condom, Jordan eased it down on Danny.

"Do we really need that?"

"I think so. Let's do it right, K?" Jordan leaned over and kissed Danny hard. "I want this, Dan. I want you forever." Bright blue eyes looked deep into shining green ones.

"Love you."

"Love you"

"You need this too," Danny said. He squirted some KY in his hand and, blushing a little, he reached toward Jordan.

"Whoa ! Cold," Jordan gasped as Danny's fingers touched and circled, spreading the lube. He felt tingles run through his groin at the feathery touches. He shot up hard and swollen, and Danny's eyes widened.

"Just touching there makes it all go crazy."

"I'm gonna try," Jordan said, biting his bottom lip, his face a mixture of dazzling anticipation and extreme fear. He got up on his knees and crouched over Danny. "Help me, Dan."

Danny watched Jordan's face as he aimed his what now seemed impossibly enormous cock at that tiny place. "There is no way........"

"Does it work this way?"

"If I go up in you this way, I think I'm gonna break off. I don't think the knees work, Jord."

"You're lucky I skateboard, then. Strong leg muscles." Jordan got up on his feet and then practiced lowering himself straight down.

Finally, Danny burst out laughing. "What the hell are we doing?"

"I think I've got the rhythm," Jordan grinned. "Look !" as he bounced up and down on the bed.

"You look kinda like a frog."

"And you want to fuck me when????.................never???????

"Sorry." >>giggle<< But he couldn't resist whispering 'Ribbit'.

"Isn't this supposed to be romantic or hot or something?"

"Sorry.....if one of us knew what the hell we were doing, it prolly would. Shush now and help me." Jordan lowered down, daring Danny to smile and felt the tip touching him.

"Do I push?"

"No. Let me do it." Jordan whispered, concentrating hard. " I'll just try to open up enough to...........................GOD DAMN!!" Jordan's face squinched up.

"What??? What???"

"That hurts, Dan." Jordan was back up on the balls of his feet. "We're doing it right anglewise but shit, Danny. This," he grabbed hold of Danny, "Is so not going to fit in there."

"What do we do now?"

Jordan lowered himself onto his knees, rubbing gentle circles on Danny's belly. "Well, you're not getting any smaller, so I have to get wider. Men do this. It can be done. I want to do this. I think we need to work on this a little before we do that."

Stripping off the condom, Jordy crawled up Danny's tummy, licking a path to his mouth. "I think we just need to turn off the lights and explore a little."

"Mmmm, goody. I like exploring."

Much later, laying between Jordan's legs, Danny used his fingers to ease and open, love and soothe and Jordan began to lose some of the fear.

"Does that feel good?"


Jordan's knees spread wide, his butt up on a pillow, Danny was showing him how it would feel, how hot it was, how much he wanted to have Danny inside him. His whole body was alive with a need that only Danny could fulfill.

"Is it okay?"

"Yes. Oh yes. Try 2 fingers." He sucked in his breath as the pain became almost something he craved. "Roll over, Dan." Jordan felt drugged, as if Danny's fingers were still inside him.

"It's gonna hurt."

"I don't care."

"Oh, Jordy."

Danny slipped a condom on and Jordan rubbed plenty of lube. Danny spread like half a tube on his hand and even pressed it up inside Jordan's body.

"Tell me the second it hurts."

"I will."

So, they tried again. Jordan raised up on the balls of his feet, his muscular legs taking the weight of his body. "I love you, Dan." And he lowered himself, slowly, feeling the tip push, feeling the impossible stretch of his muscles. Slowly, he eased down. God, it hurt. Don't say anything. Biting his bottom lip, he eased a little more.


"Shh. It's okay." A little lower. He felt like he was ripping in half. He felt the tight muscles giving way, he felt sharp burning, the pain of something being terribly wrong, but this was Danny. This wasn't wrong. He wanted to scream and stop but then he heard Danny.


"What? What?"

"This is incredible! You're so tight. It's so hot. You're so..............OHHHHH!!"

And it all fell together. Slowly Jordan slid lower and lower until he could feel Danny's body under him.

"You're all the way in, Jordy."

Sweating, Jordan groaned, "Let me just stay put a sec, K?"

"Oh baby, does it hurt too much?"

Part of Jordan wanted to scream Fuck yes!! But the other part, the part that loved Danny with all his heart whispered, "No, any pain is worth the look on your face right now. I'm gonna move a little, K?" he willed strength into his legs and moved up a little, then a little more.

Danny's breath came out in gasps. "Don't go out." And unbelievably, as Jordan moved away, as he felt Danny begin to slip away, he didn't want to stop. He wanted to please Danny, Oh yes, but he felt something begin to stir inside his own body. The pain was intense but the absolute sexiness, the total joining was something he wanted too. He tried bouncing up and then down, sliding onto Danny, hearing him cry his name. It was in the pleasure he was giving, the sound of Danny's cries, the joy of the moment.

"Jordy! Jordy! I'm gonna cum, Jordy."

Jordy moved off and pulled off Danny's condom just as his beautiful boy let loose with spurt after spurt of hot cum. It puddled and ran on Danny's belly and chest.

"Jordy.........Oh, Jordy."

Jordan flopped over beside Danny and heaved a huge breath. "Whoaaa!!"

Danny's sweet mouth found Jordan's and they kissed.

"Thank you."

"I'll say you're welcome in a few minutes."


Jordan took hold of Danny's hand and guided it to his aching body. "Oh!"

Danny giggled and slid down the bed.............................

Later......."You're very welcome, Dan." J

The night slid into day and the day was spent walking and laughing and loving and dangling their feet over the side of the dock into the cold water.

"Why can't it always be like this?"

"Cause you're Tinker and I'm Belle and the world doesn't believe in fairies."


"Are you sore?" Danny asked, as he noticed Jordan shift a bit on the hard deck.

"No, not sore zactly, more like I feel empty, like something's missing now."

"Can I help?"

"This makes it better," Jordan smiled, leaning over and licking Danny's mouth open gently. "Makes it all better."

That night, after playing 'submarine search' and 'who's got the soap' and getting more water on the floor than staying in the tub, Jordan toweled Danny off and set his braces in front of him.

"Do ya know how easy it would be to have my way with you right now," Jordan laughed, wiggling his eyebrows. "You're delicious and naked and hanging onto those braces. You have no defenses."

Danny blushed crimson. "Am not. I'm all shrively and goosebumped." He scooted around Jordan and made for the bedroom.

Crawling under the covers, he held the edge up. "Hurry Jordy. I'm cold."

They nestled close and Jordan warmed Danny with his hands and his legs and his mouth. "Better?"




Danny found the nook in Jordan's neck he always hid in when he was gonna ask an embarrassing question. Jordan waited.

"What did you think?"

"About what?"

"Jordan !"

"Oh........well, it was good."


"Oh, yeah. Real good."

"Jordy.....is that what you want?"

"Want? I want what you want, baby. You know that."

"I want.........."

Jordan pulled back. "Look at me, Dan. Tell me what you want."

Danny found Jordan's eyes. "I," he stumbled, "I've always dreamed about you doing it to me. I want you." He blushed and tried to hide his face again.

"But, it'll be hard for you."

"My legs are getting stronger. I promise. I just always want to feel you inside me, Jordy. Please."

"Aw Dan. We'll try. I want what you want."

"No, Jordy. For once, say what you want. We never have to do any of it again if you don't want it. All you said was it was good."

"I just meant..........I'm not sure what I meant, Dan. You told me what you always dreamed. I've always been different from that, I guess. I love you. You're beautiful to me. You said you've always wanted me inside, well......I've always wanted to be there."

Danny smiled. "Good."

The light from the bathroom glowing onto the bed, they could whisper anything they wanted, gentle questions, soft answers. "Danny, if I hurt you, stop me. I would never hurt you."

It was funny. Before Jordan met Danny, he had fantasized totally about fucking somebody's brains out, but now, with Danny, all he wanted was to love him; let him know he was the most beautiful boy in the world.

Jordan looked into those round blue eyes, the same eyes that he had fallen in love with that day in the aquarium. The sad boy in the wheelchair who just needed a reason to live.

They lay quietly. Jordan could feel Danny's heart beating like the fluttering of hummingbird wings. This was so important. He had to do it right. This was the way it should be.

"Spoon, Danny." Danny sighed. He loved this, spooning with Jordan, having Jordan hold onto him and make him feel precious. He felt Jordan slide his knee between his scarred thighs.

Jordan's hands moved slowly, the one cradling Danny to play lightly with his nipples that were begging for attention and the other gently stroking, opening, exploring. Feather light touches. He heard the snap of the small tube and then felt the cold gel as Jordan's fingers kept up a steady circling, edging, gentle probing.

"Here, Dan?"

"Oh yes."

"Like this?" his fingers sliding carefully over, around and finally one slipping in the tight ring of muscle. "Like this, baby?"

"Yessss." His nipples on fire and Jordan stroking him, opening him, Danny began to buck against Jordan's fingers. "More, Jordy."

This was different from the night before. That had been two boys working on a project. This was two boys wanting to make love. Eyes closed, Jordan's lips on his neck, gently sucking, Danny wanted the pain and the pleasure.

"Love me, Jordan."

"Are you sure?"

"Love me."

They rolled and Jordan slid a pillow under Danny. Kneeling between his beautiful legs, Jordan said softly, "Let's get your feet up here, baby."

Supported by Jordan's strong shoulders, Danny wanted to squeeze his eyes shut but he wanted to watch those green eyes more.

"Look at me."


"Tell me everything you feel."

"I will."

"Are you sure?"

"Oh yes."

Jordan pressed gently, feeling the barrier. "Relax, baby." He leaned over and kissed Danny, breathing into his mouth. "I love you so much. I want to be buried in you. I want to cum inside you. I want to feel the walls hold me and hug me and never let me go." His words worked their magic and he felt Danny relax, a long sigh easing his body. Jordan pushed carefully and felt the ring of muscles open.


"It hurts, Jordy."

"I'll stop."


Jordan felt Danny push towards him, urging him on. He eased a bit further, feeling the hot walls begin to clutch at him. He had to stay sane for Danny's sake. This had to be for Danny but God! It felt like sooo HOT! He wanted to just ram himself forward and just be swallowed up.

"Tell me what to do."

"Stay still a sec.....Okay, go on." Jordan could hear Danny's breath coming out in short tight gasps. He knew what this felt like. It felt like Hell and Heaven rolled into one. The pain – the pleasure – the pain – the pleasure............



Danny's eyes began to drift closed, his head fell back on the pillows and Jordan's name slipped from his lips in a soft sigh. "Oh Jordy."

Jordan stayed perfectly still. He leaned in and whispered in Danny's ear.

"I love you, baby. Can I keep going?"

"Mmmmmmmm," Danny's only reply but Jordan heard the "yes".

This hurt, but it was more than that. It was being alive. It was being with Jordan. It was making him whole like he'd never been since the accident.

Jordan began to slide in and back out. Slow, hard, slow, soft. It felt, to Danny, as if he was melting. The need for Jordan was growing bigger than the hurt.

"Jordy. I love you. I love this." Danny's orgasm built from the tips of his toes and spread like wildfire. Jordan grabbed him still pushing in and out jerkedly, his own body maxing out. Danny came, tears welling in his eyes and flowing just like the cream that began to puddle on his heaving chest.

Feeling Danny spasm around him, Jordan pulled out, jerked off the condom and mixed his cum with Danny's. Warm, wet, couldn't tell whose was whose. Did it matter? It belonged together just like they did.

Cuddling close, exhausted but happy beyond words, they whispered about how it felt, about how soon they could do it again, about anything and everything.

"Hey, we're glued together," Danny giggled, as he pulled his leg away from Jordan.

"Hold on one sec," Jordan smiled, hopped up and came back with a hot wash cloth. "Hold still, baby." He tenderly cleaned Danny's tummy and now sleepy bits and pieces. "There, all better. Sleep now and dream angel dreams."

Danny snuggled down deep into Jordan's strong arms and they slept, content that they would be together forever, no matter what ever happened.

Back at school, the pace picked up, the university harder than high school. Danny had to really study, Jerry was almost a disaster, Markie kept them laughing and Jordan made sure everyone understood everything before every exam. The four musketeers, although Jerry usually called them the four stooges; Larry, Curly, Moe and Gertrude.

Semester exams came and went, Christmas vacation loomed. They were all going home even though home to Danny and Jordan had become this tiny dorm room, Jordan's tiny bed.

Markie left for Pensacola, Jerry for Tennessee and finally Danny's folks arrived from Daytona. Jordan had made himself scarce after hugging Dan one last time.

"Ready to go, son?" Mr. Trainor asked, glancing around Danny's room. He saw the baskets of flowers, the fluffy pillows on Markie's bed. "You and Markie getting along good?"


"As good as you and Jordan?" he slipped in.

Danny never could lie to his parents. He just blushed and smiled wryly. Mr. Trainor shook his head.

"You knew?"

"I didn't just fall off the turnip truck, Daniel."

"Don't be mad."

"Dan, I know how happy Jordan makes you. It's your life, just be careful. Don't depend on him for your happiness. Depend on yourself."

"Jordy needs me, Dad."

"I know, son, but he has big problems he has to overcome at home. Never forget that."

Jordan's Mama and Daddy opened the door to his dorm room to find him ready to go, his duffle laying by the bed, Jordan leaning back, eyes closed, earphones on.

"Let's go home, son," his daddy said, nudging him. He glanced around the room, not knowing quite what he expected to find, but seeing only surfing posters and textbooks and guy stuff.

"Hey Daddy..Mama," he smiled, nodding to his dad and hugging his Mama tight.

That night:

"I miss you something fierce."

"Me 2 U"

"Does it feel like home anymore?"

"I know what ya mean. It's like smaller somehow."

"My dad knows we're together, Jordy. I didn't tell him. He just knew."

"It's not your dad I'm worried about"

"I know."

"Wanna jerk off?"

"Nah.....giggle.......I'll wait for the real thing."

It was great seeing Easy. Same old Easy E. He hadn't changed a bit in the 5 months Jordan had been gone. It was Jordan who had.

Griff came home and the three boys took their skateboards and went to the loops. It was easier to talk with a skateboard in their hands.

"So, how's Dan?"


"You together?"


"You like....out?"

"You know I can't."

"One day, Jord, you'll live for you. Someday, you'll do what makes YOU happy and not give a flying fart what your old man says."

It was like old times but the biggest part of Jordan just wanted to go home........to Danny.

Second semester flew by, the cold weather breaking into spring. Jordan learned new things about Danny. He had never seen snow and even the tiny flurries that they got that never stuck to the ground made him silly. The cold weather made his arms ache and wheeling the chair was harder on him. Bulky coats made even the braces more difficult and Jordan could see that Danny would never be able to live where it snowed and iced over. He just wrote those things down in his memory so things would always be easy for Danny.

"God, I'm glad summer's coming."

"Me too. I can't even see your butt under all those clothes."

"Jordyyyyyy!" Danny giggled.

The four stooges discussed getting off campus and into an apartment. Jordan just said he was gonna share with Jerry and Markie, and his daddy thought he was gonna have two guy roommates.

His Mama got him an old '89 Chevy Blazer so he could get around town, whispering in his ear, "The back is big enough for the wheelchair."

"I love you, Mama."

"Take care of your heart, baby. That's all I ask."

"Dan does that for me, Mama."

Claire watched him drive away, wishing, hoping that someday, her two men would be able to see each other, really look and get past everything that pushed them further and further apart.

The apartment was old and rundown and perfect. Two bedrooms and a pullout sofa. Jerry tried to worm his way into Markie's bedroom but she just rolled her eyes. "Eww, that'd be like sleepin' with one of my brothers, Curly."

Jerry watched his three best friends as they tried to live their lives the best way they could. He was straight but sometimes he wished he was gay if someone would love him like Jordy and Danny loved each other.

He'd long given up on Markie ever looking at him. Jerry knew he wasn't a catch in anyone's eyes, with his strawberry hair and freckles, the little gap between his two front teeth and his whacked out way of looking at the world. Right now, he was content to have three very good friends.

He saw Danny, the baby of the group. His innocence never faltering even when the world hurt him again and again because he couldn't walk. Jerry knew that Danny always felt he wasn't good enough, especially for Jordan.

He saw Jordan, their fearless leader. Trying to do everything for everyone, taking on too much, fighting personal demons, wanting to walk for Danny......Jordan, who might one day finally look at himself and realize that all you can do is all you can do.

He saw Markie, the enigma. Jordan and Danny were always too into each other to delve deep enough to find the real girl under all the smiles and sassy remarks. She and Jerry had talked late into the night, her hopes, her dreams. She was a beautiful girl with her blonde curls and her twinkly green eyes but there was more to her than that. She'd been hurt, like all of them. She just kept it to herself.

And, Jerry watched Markie watch Jordan. He watched the dark clouds fill her eyes as Jordan and Danny became comfortable enough around them to touch or kiss gently. He'd talked to her one night while they folded clothes at the laundromat.

"You can't have him, you know."


"Don't even try with me, Markie Latham."

Her eyes lowered, lashes falling over secrets. "He needs someone stronger."

"He has what he wants."

"I didn't say wants. I said needs."

"Markie, don't go messing around. You can have any guy on campus. Don't wait for something impossible."

"Is it impossible?"

"We'll never know............will we?"

"No, I guess not."

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