Just Hit 'Send' - The High School Years

by Grasshopper

Ch. 18

"Hey! Ya like baby dick? Ya can suck me AND my friend here for the price of one !"
"Check me out! I'm only 13.....ya want me?"
"No condom? Huh? Sure man. One bill.....do whatever you want!
"Tight young ass here....50 bucks !"

Easy moaned in his sleep, tossing the covers off. Griff lay still and listened to words he had known were there, churning in that boy's head. He had seen it in Easy's eyes, heard it in his voice. God damn ! What'd you do for something like this?

When the light had flickered out of Jordan's dad's eyes and Griff had known it was time to go, he had taken Easy with him. Home to his house. Away from what was gonna be trouble like Jordan had never known. If he could have stayed with Jord, he would have but he knew he'd better get Easy away and give them all some time.

The hardest part had been watching Danny and his parents drive away. Jordan was in his room in tears, Danny's strickened face pressed to the side window. Mr. Lawrence had said that Danny needed to leave. That there was no place for him in Jordan' life.

It had started out okay, Mr. Lawrence showing the horse to Easy. The boys had all tried to pretend nothing was different, nothing was happening....but they all knew. It wasn't like Jordan's dad was gonna say, "Well, Great! So you two are gay and love each other? Super! Go upstairs and crawl all over each other. I approve of this so much and I'm so happy for you !" Duhhh !! None of them knew what to expect. Griff was pretty sure but he just stayed quiet knowing Jordan would need him.

The afternoon raced on and the light in Mr. Lawrence's eyes dimmed and finally just went out. They narrowed and he watched Jordan. He watched Danny. Danny tried to stay as far away from Jordan as he could. But, it was like Jordan was pushing it, grabbing Danny's hand, always moving toward him.

"Stop it, Jord."
"I can't, Griff."
"You have to. You're pushing him too far."
"He has to see."
"Not this way."

But Jordan could be as stubborn as his daddy. Finally, his dad just stopped what he was doing, turned and said, "It's time for Dan and his parents to leave."

That's when Jordan lost it. He was so tired and wound tighter than a spring and he couldn't keep it in. "Don't, please don't. Don't make Danny leave. Not now! I need him, Daddy."

"You need your family, Jordan. Not some boy that has you all confused." Turning to Danny, he said, "I know you mean well but you need to go." He turned back to the tack he was mending.

"I'm going with him !" Jordan cried. "I don't want to be here without Danny!"

"Shhhhh," Danny soothed, pulling himself up from the bench he'd been sitting on and struggled over to Jordan, not touching him, aware of Mr. Lawrence's eyes. "It's okay, Ba........Jordan. I'll talk to you later."

"No ! No, you won't," Mr. Lawrence's voice boomed. "I don't want you to talk to each other on the phone, on the computer...........not at all. This has to stop. Jordan was a good boy. A good Christian boy.........until you came along. He will be again....without you." He walked to the barn door and called, "Claire, the Trainors are leaving. Jordan needs to go to sleep."

Claire, swinging on the porch swing with Danny's mom, closed her eyes tightly for a second and then opened them to see the look of distress echoing from the other woman. "What can we do? How can we stop this before they get so hurt, they never recover? Claire took her hand and squeezed, then stood up and walked to her son. "Jordan, maybe your daddy is right.....for now. Let's get you to bed and Danny home safe. Things will work out, you'll see."

"No! No they won't WORK OUT !!" Jordan spit the words. "If this is what Christian is, if this is what love is, then fuck it all. Danny, I WILL talk to you. THEY can't stop me." He held out his hand to Danny and Danny started to take it but Mr. Lawrence walked between them and faced his son. "You WILL do as I say. You WILL go to your room. I won't have this in my house. God knows what you did in that room before I knew about this. Not under my roof !"

Jordan, his fists balled up, hated his father. All these years, God loves you, I love you. But it seems, only if Jordan fit the image........stayed in his tidy little space, bible in one hand, girl in the other. He heard a voice...........

"Jordan, don't."

He turned his head, his eyes flashing, breathing hard. Danny's lips parted and Jordan knew what was coming. "I love you," Danny breathed softly. "No one can take that away."

Jordan stared into Danny's eyes, those round blue eyes that just held him and he slowly unclenched his fists. "Me too you," he sighed quietly. He felt his heart breaking, his tiny little world shrinking back to before he had met Danny, back to the unhappiness and the pain.

Looking up at his daddy, standing so tall, so correct, so sure in front of him. "I knew this day would come. I knew one day I'd find out how much you really love me. I've just been waiting......waiting since Adam died." He turned and walked slowly into the house, up the stairs and into his room, closing the door quietly. He walked over to the bunk bed, climbed into the bottom bunk, Adam's bunk, pulled the old Tigger close to his chest and started to cry.

"Ez. Easy. Wake up, dude!" Griff sat down on the edge of the bed and shook the smaller boy's arm softly. He felt a shiver run through Easy's body and the boy opened his daemon-filled eyes.

"Hiya, Griff. What's up?" he asked groggily.

"You were dreamin', man," Griff replied. "Not good dreams, I don't think."

"Sorry, dude. I get some bad stuff goin' sometimes. Sorry I woke ya." He closed his eyes as if he was going back to sleep.

"Wanna tell me?' Griff whispered. "You doin' some tough shit, Ez?" He just did what came natural to him, had for years with Jordan. He slide himself behind the fragile shoulders and let Easy lay between his legs while he propped himself up on the headboard. "This is how Jord tells me stuff. He can't see me, so he talks," Griff laughed softly.

It seemed like such a little thing - his head in Griff's lap, Griff's fingers running lightly through his soft brown curls. But, it wasn't. It was the first human contact Easy had felt in years. Jordan had hugged him, now Griff was touching him....and neither wanted anything. He didn't have to cover his face or blank his mind or pretend he was somewhere else. No one was hurting him. He didn't have to curl up in a little ball and try to disappear.

Easy lay still for a long time, Griff's fingers stroking gently. "I did things," he whispered. "Bad things. I tried not to. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't have anything else to sell." Griff could barely hear him, his voice low and ashamed.

"Where is your family? You can't go home?" Griff asked, already knowing the answer.

"No home. No family. No one. Just me. Just Easy."

"You been workin' the streets?"

Easy closed his eyes and couldn't stop the tears. It felt so good to have someone care, someone touch him out of kindness. It was like a dam bursting. All his life, he had been ignored, abused and mistreated. He didn't know how to respond to this. "Yeah. But," he stammered, "I wasn't like the others. I didn't pop the drugs cause I liked it." His body shook. "I popped cause then I didn't care. I could do it and I didn't care."

"Never?"

"Not til I woke up the next day."

Griff leaned his head back against the wall. God almighty! And he had told Jordan not to bring this kid home. Thank God Jordan never listened.

"Did you do the foster home thing?"

"Yeah."

"What happened?"

"I decided that if some dude was gonna fuck me, I could at least get money for it and not be so scared."

"Okay. Shhhhh," Griff groaned. He didn't want to hear anymore......not now. "You're safe now. No one's gonna ask anything of you here."

Easy breathed out softly. "You can if you want. I have no other way to repay you."

Griff blew out his breath loudly. "No, Ez. It's not like that any more. I think you're gonna be here with me for awhile and that's not gonna come up again. You repay friends by being a friend. Got that?"

"I hear ya."

"Then go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

"Griff?"

"Yeah?"

"Jordan is the luckiest boy in the world."

Jordan felt like crap. He wanted to run away but he knew how badly that worked. He paced and paced but wouldn't leave his room.

"Jordan. Dinner's on the table," his mama spoke through the locked door.

Later, she left a tray outside his door. He considered starving to death but opted for a Snickers from his desk drawer. Never leaving the room would be difficult especially as he had to pee really bad. Cranked beyond any semblance of himself, he went over to the window, took off the screen and pissed out into the yard. Feeling incredibly stupid, he slammed himself into his computer chair.

"Back where I started from," he thought to himself. He remembered his daddy's words. "I don't want you to talk to each other on the computer". Well, Daddy.....sorry, but this time, kinda just eat shit and die !

He turned on the computer and the screen blinked open with the message he had left. His eyes stared at the words:

One day he will listen,

One day he will care,

One day he will see,

But I won't be there.

I love you......Jordan

So much for listening, caring and seeing. He'll never see me. I wonder what he would have done if Adam was alive and Adam was gay? He prolly would have built a new room on the house for Adam to use for all his boyfriends with a Jacuzzi and a big round bed.

Jordan knew he was being a dope but he was just soooooo pissed. He clicked the mouse on the MSN icon and pulled up his buddy list. The second he did, the screen was filled with Danny.

Danny says: Oh Jordan.................
Jordy says: Danny...sniffle
Danny says: What are we gonna do?
Jordy says: heck if I know.....I won't lose you
Danny says: how can you be talking to me?
Jordy says: Im locked in my room.....i peed out the window
Danny says: what??????????
Jordy says: you heard me
Danny says: shit jordy........don't make me laugh.....this is so not funny
Jordy says: ::::::kiss::::::
Danny says: oh lord
Jordy says: I want you so bad.....all I want is to be with you.......why is that so hard to understand
Danny says: we have to make him understand
Jordy says: yeah right hahahaha
Danny says: Jordy......are you in the dark?
Jordy says: no.....wait.......now I am
Danny says: may i...............
Jordy says: oh god yes you may..............
Danny says: i'll just slide down between your knees and take your.................

"JORDAN!!! Are you on that computer?"

Jordan froze. Damn !

"Turn it off and come out here.........NOW!!"

Jordan wanted to scream horrible words. He wanted to defy his daddy, take his fists and hit and hit him but he knew none of that would do any good. To make him understand, the only weapon Jordan had was words...not hurtful words, not curse words...........words about Adam and love and why he wasn't good enough and why his daddy hated him.

Jordy says: dan.....my daddy's calling me
Danny says: you okay baby?
Jordy says: no but it's time I guess
Danny says: I love you you know
Jordy says: me 2 U i will be with you

He clicked off before Danny could say anything else. It was time, he guessed. Way past time. Everything that had any meaning in his life was contained in a pair of blue eyes and in the heart of a man who didn't love his son. Squaring his shoulders, Jordan opened the door.

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