Julien
by Engor
Chapter 75
Although the situation was urgent Subadar didn't rush through the preparations, which took eleven days – eleven exhausting days during which Julien had to master complicated actions using facilities that until now he hadn't even known that he possessed. For instance, in order to 'Stabilise the Base of Reality' he had to 'Slow down the Conceptual Analysis', extend the 'Clear and Luminous Perception' and 'establish himself in the Continuous Flow of No-Time.' Quite apart from getting his head around this nonsense terminology he had to perform physical actions that would have been utterly impossible for his untrained mind without Xarax's help. As he had done when they were trapped in the Outside, he once again allowed Xarax full access to his mind and allowed himself to be guided by the haptir, whose limitless patience and constant attention to detail finally achieved wonders.
But although Master Subadar kept telling him that he was making great progress, Julien himself felt that he was achieving absolutely nothing. Often he didn't even understand what he was supposed to do, and when he finally achieved his goal, thanks to a great deal of help from Xarax, he left the Narthex with the absolute certainty that he could never achieve the same result without help. And as for performing these actions in order to master time, space and reality while lost in the middle of a weird, insubstantial place and surrounded by hordes of mostly hostile creatures – that was completely out of the bloody question.
He found it more and more difficult to hide his exhaustion and worry when he returned to his kang at the end of each day, and to add to his problems, by now Dillik was starting to suspect that something had gone wrong with the friendship between Julien and Niil. Dillik was suffering himself: Julien was constantly tired and depressed, and he found himself badly missing Ambar's ebullient personality. Karik had warned him sternly not to raise the subject, but finally on the eleventh evening he couldn't hold back any longer.
"Julien," he asked, "when is Ambar coming back?"
Julien was too tired to be able to think of a way to change the subject.
"It's not my decision," he said.
"But you're the Emperor. You only have to ask him to come back and he will!"
"That's not how it works. Ambar is a Ksantiri, and he does what his brother tells him to, because his brother is First Lord."
"But why won't Niil let him come back, then? I bet Ambar's asked if he can."
"I'm sure he has, but I expect there's a good reason why he can't."
"Well, I think you had a row, and that's why."
"Really? What makes you say that?"
"'Cos since Nandak's trial you've been different. Even I can see that. Yes, you tried to make out that you were having fun, but I know you weren't really. And just lately you've stopped even pretending, so..."
"Dillik, it's not as simple as that."
"Of course it isn't simple! You're working yourself into the ground and you're tired all the time. I don't know what to do about it, but I can tell it isn't doing you any good. Xarax keeps telling me to shut up, so I'll shut up, but still..."
"Xarax, let him say what he's thinking."
The haptir, who was curled up on his young friend's lap, gave a shiver that looked a lot like a shrug.
"Well, I don't reckon it's fair," Dillik went on. "First, Niil ought to be helping you instead of causing trouble. 'Cos I don't know what it is you do all day, but it certainly isn't a lot of fun. And if you're not having fun then you must be doing your job of Emperoring. And that job is supposed to 'protect the Nine Worlds from harm.' Well, Dvârinn is one of the Nine Worlds, isn't it? Besides, even if you're cross with each other and don't want to talk to each other no more, that isn't a reason why we can't see Ambar, is it? 'Cos Ambar's your friend, and I really like him, too. And when I think about him stuck there on his own, without us... well, that's not fair either."
"If you want to visit him, it's easy enough – you just have to ask, and one of the Guides will take you to the Ksantiri First Trankenn. I'm sure Ambar will be happy to see you and that Niil won't do anything to stop you seeing him. Karik can go with you if you want. You could stay a few days and..."
"What do you take us for?" interrupted Dillik. "We're not going to leave you here on your own – are we, Karik? If we do decide to go and visit Ambar we'll make sure we're back by bedtime."
"It might not be that easy. It's not the same time here as it is on the trankenn."
"We don't care! Ambar will be happy to see us, even if it's just for a few minutes in the middle of the night!"
"All right, then. Actually, I think it's a good idea. Give Ambar a big hug from me."
Karik and Dillik had already decided that Julien shouldn't be left to sleep without at least two friends to keep him company, and when he tried to argue he was told that he couldn't be so cruel to his friends as to deny them the pleasure of sleeping with him. He wasn't fooled for a moment: he knew why they didn't want him left on his own. But he gave in gracefully and allowed his friends to sleep with him, one on each side. It didn't solve his problems, of course, but it did at least mean that he was able to sleep soundly at night.
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