Finding Tim
A Fourth Alternate Reality
by Charlie
With editorial assistance from Dix and John
Moms
I grew up in Ashland, Wisconsin, and attended Ashland High School and then Northland College right there in Ashland. Neither my high school nor college years were particularly special: I did well in my studies, but far from a straight-A. I wasn't particularly athletic, but I did like figure skating, and I was pretty good. However, it wasn't a recognized sport at either my high school or college, so I never was involved in competitive skating. I still like to skate, and I'm usually one of the better skaters at a rink, but that's it. I got interested in environmental issues in the Ecology Club in high school, and was glad that Environmental Studies was the main emphasis of the local college, Northland. I did an internship every summer at the Sigurd Olson Environmental Institute, which was part of Northland College and located on campus. One year I worked on their Loon Watch program, which tried to track the comings and goings of loons in northern Wisconsin. I learned more about loons than I really needed to know!
Oh, yes. I should introduce myself. I'm Amanda Weeks, the former Amanda Collins. I met Big Paul Weeks in Ironwood, where he was teaching physical education and coaching wrestling. We met at some school district required in-service training program, and we found ourselves equally bored and equally willing to duck out during one of the breaks. That led to a dinner date, more dates, romance, marriage, Gang membership, a child (Nettie) and then another child (Perry) and what I still consider to be a life that fits the definition of "happily ever after."
Oh, yes, again. Charlie wants his sexual autobiography. Ashland in the fifties and early sixties wasn't a bastion of feminism. The logging and mining cultures that dominated the region were about as macho as they come, as were the European cultures out of which came the immigrant miners and loggers of the area. Men expected their wives to keep house and bear children. If they worked it was as a secretary, elementary teacher, or nurse. Of course, the real world didn't actually function like that, but those were the basic assumptions which dominated the culture. And that included the schools. I never saw a male teacher until high school. Boys expected their "girls" to be pretty, sexy, and docile. Sex other than fucking was unheard of. The idea of a boy worrying about whether a girl had an orgasm was as alien as being a vegetarian. I'm sure you get the picture. In that environment I didn't graduate from high school as a virgin.
Things began to change in college. Even though Northland was in Ashland, it didn't completely reflect the local culture. Most of the faculty came from points south, and brought a lot of the 20th century with them. At Northland I met girls who thought of themselves as women, and the equal of men. And they weren't afraid to put down college men who didn't treat them that way. Let's just say that it was an eyeopening four years.
I taught biology my first year teaching at Ironwood High School, as well as a course in ecology for seniors. The next year the school district decided that they needed to expand their environmental emphasis, and I got a promotion to Curriculum Specialist, Environmental Studies, half time. The other half time I continued to teach. That was the year I met Paul.
Paul had grown up in Hurley and Ironwood, but had a mother and father who were very careful not to let him be molded too completely by the local culture. He's already told you that they moved from Hurley to Ironwood because of the bullying culture in the Hurley elementary school. His mom was a "liberated woman," and was completely supported in that by Paul's dad. Paul didn't have a chance at being a male chauvinist. Then he got his wrestling scholarship to the University of Michigan, and moved into a liberal culture that reinforced his parents' teaching. When I met Paul, and got to know him, I realized immediately that he was the man for me, and the man I wanted to be the father of my children. Marriage came quickly. Then I met the Gang, and.... Well, you know the story.
We got a call one day from Fred over in Grand Forks. Fred made it his business to know what was going on in the Gang. It was almost as if he had spies. In fact, he just talked a little and listened a lot. And made frequent phone calls to the Gang members outside of Grand Forks. So his call wasn't unusual. What he had to tell us was. Willie Carson was going to be going to high school in Iron River!
"Iron River? Why on earth?" That was Paul.
"He's in love with the diving coach there; thinks he's the best coach around. At least better than the high school diving coach in Bloomington, whom he doesn't like."
I said, "Well, Willie's no fool. But it's hard to imagine him choosing to come to the UP for school. Kids up here scramble to go to school somewhere else."
"Willie, as I'm sure you know, has a mind of his own."
"And Billy and Sara are willing to go along with this?"
"Willie simply quoted Tim. 'Say, "Yes," unless there's a compelling reason to say, "No."' Billy and Sara couldn't come up with a compelling reason."
I said, "Well, they should've talked to me. I think I could've."
"Willie's agreed to come home if it isn't working out. He promises that if it proves to be the wrong decision he won't let pride get in the way of admitting he goofed."
Paul said, "I can believe that Willie would say that, and honestly do it."
I said, "So, why the phone call?"
"Well, except in the summer (well late spring through early fall) when Jeff and Dick are at Camp White Elk, you two are the closest Gang members to Iron River. And you're the only female."
"Right, it's only about eighty miles over there; we can do it in about an hour and a half."
"Well, Billy and Sara would be reluctant to ask you, but I'm not. That's part of my role in the Gang. Willie's going to need a surrogate mom and dad from time to time over the next four years."
"You think he'll stay four years?"
"Oh, I think so. Not because of pride. I've talked to his coach, a guy named Harry Wilson. Smart cookie. Willie may have made a smart move. Only time will tell."
I said, "Well, Fred, I've gotten so much from the Gang, and being here in Ironwood I haven't been able to give much back. I'd love to be a mom to Willie, if he needs one, and if he'll accept me."
"I think he will."
"So when is this going to happen?"
"Next September, whenever school starts."
"Where's he going to live?"
"He's found a friend, a diver he met diving there in the summer. The boy is Hardie Hassett, and he lives with his widowed mother. He's a couple of years older than Willie. Seems they have a big old house, and a boarder could provide some valuable income to help them keep it and maintain it."
"And Willie found this all by himself?"
"Correct. It's hard to believe that the kid's 13 years old."
We talked on for a while, but I didn't learn much more. Shortly after that I called Willie and told him that Paul and I would be glad to be the "Gang members on call in the UP" if he ever needed us.
Willie is an amazing kid. I had expected something like, "Oh, gee, thanks Aunt Amanda. I'll be sure to call when I need you." And that would be the end of that. Standard teenage behavior.
What I got was, "Oh, my God, Aunt Amanda, that would be wonderful. I'd love to be able to come and visit you and Uncle Paul, and if you could come over to Iron River from time to time that would be just super. I'm going to miss my mom and dad, but it's a long way from Bloomington. Having you close by would be just great."
If you ever want to feel needed, talk to Willie.
Shortly after that Paul and I decided that it might be a good idea to drive over to Iron River and meet Mrs. Hassett and her son with the strange name of Hardie. We thought we'd drop in on Coach Wilson as well.
The Hassetts were very nice people. Willie was certainly right about the house, it could use some fixing up. Hardie would be a junior, two years ahead of freshman Willie, but seemed eager to have a little brother living with him. Mrs. Hassett, June, was delighted to host Willie. When Willie and his family had visited Iron River about a month before, Sara and June Hassett had talked. It was agreed that Willie wouldn't simply be a boarder, but would be a member of the family, and that June would have the authority of a mother. They discussed that with Willie, who had simply walked over to June and hugged her and said, "Sounds great, Mom. I'll have two moms this year."
Willie was certainly an amazing young man. He made me think of Tim's description of human sexuality: There's a little gay and a little straight in everyone, if they'd just let it out. Well, in Willie there was a little young teenager and a little mature adult, and they both came out from time to time. He could look at himself in a very detached way and think, "That little teenager is going to need some guidance." At the same time, he could participate in teenage high jinks with his peers.
When Paul and I drove over to Iron River June was delighted to see us. "Willie told me that his Uncle Paul and Aunt Amanda would be coming by. I'm so glad to meet you."
"We aren't really his aunt and uncle, just close friends."
"Oh, I've learned that already. Willie's always talking about Aunt so-and-so and Uncle this-and-that. When I pinned him down, he admitted that he didn't have any aunt or uncles. Both of his parents were only children. I think he likes the fact that he doesn't have to distinguish between aunts and uncles by blood and aunts and uncles by friendship."
"We just wanted to meet you and get a feel for what life would be like for Willie in the fall."
"I honestly can't believe that he wants to come here to school. He lives in an exciting college town, his Dad's a famous coach whom Willie seems quite fond of-he's not running away from an unhappy family situation."
"Oh, no, he gets along well with his folks. I think he just sees this as a grand adventure, and he thinks that Coach Wilson is going to lead him to glory."
"Well, I know Harry. He's certainly done well with his diving program-who can believe that up here in the UP? But thinking of him as the coach of a national champion is a little difficult."
"Not for Willie. You know, his Uncle Tim is always talking about love and support being necessary for athletic success. That's what Willie's looking for. Between his dad and his Uncle Tim, he'll get all the technical coaching he'll ever need. He's looking for something else, and he's convinced he's found it in Harry Wilson."
"Well, Hardie thinks he walks on water. I sure hope it works out for Willie."
The visit to Harry Wilson was certainly interesting. "I haven't the foggiest idea what Willie Carson is doing in Iron River. Both he and his dad have tried to explain. They talk about Tim and love and support. Well, of course, I support all my kids. Love? Hell, what does that mean? I guess I love 'em. And, of course, Willie's welcome here. And not because he may be a champion diver. Willie will be welcome for two reasons. First, he's a boy and every boy's welcome. Second, anybody who's so eager to be a part of my team is going to be affirmed, just as he's affirming me. How could I react otherwise?"
It sounded good to Paul and me.
Harry went on. "You know, it wasn't long after the Carson family visit that I got a call from a Mr. David McIntyre. He introduced himself as the manager of Fred's Sports in Iron Mountain. He asked if he could pay me a visit. I said that sure he could, but why? We certainly weren't big sports equipment buyers, and anyway, it would be the football team that did the big buying. No, he wanted to talk to me. He was here the next day. Could he see the pool? Of course. We only had a five meter platform, shouldn't we have a ten meter platform? I told him that the ceiling wasn't high enough for a ten meter platform. Couldn't the ceiling be raised? I guessed it could, but there was no money for that.
Then he said, "Look, Mr. Wilson, I'll be straight with you. Willie Carson is going to be diving for you this year. Fred's Sports wants to make sure that he has adequate facilities. We aren't interested in establishing a Cadillac facility here, but we want to make sure that Willie has the facility he needs."
"Why is Fred's Sports so involved with Willie?"
"We supported his dad, and we'll support Willie."
"There has to be more than that."
"Honestly, Mr. Wilson, that's all I know. I got a phone call from Andy, that Fred's operations chief in Grand Forks. I was told to get over here, find out what's needed, and see to it that it's ready by September. I thank you for showing me around. It seems to me that you need a little upgrade in the pool locker room-a new whirlpool, massage table, minor stuff. You need a new trampoline and a first class safety harness for it. And, most important, you need a ten meter platform, and a new roof to accommodate it. That about right?"
"You've summed up my dreams for the next decade or so."
"Good. Now, there shouldn't be any problem with donating the equipment to the school. But changing the building and installing a new platform are going to take some permissions. Can you get them? I'll get an architect over here to create a specific proposal to present to whomever you have to present it to. Can you take it from there?"
"Sure. I didn't have any trouble with the five-meter platform, as long as I had the money raised outside of the school board budget."
Two days later Carl and a draftsman from Grand Forks were in town, and three days after that a complete proposal was on Harry's desk. There had been a special meeting of the school board the week before Paul and I visited. The gift had been accepted. Work would be started a week or so after that, with completion by Labor Day part of the contract. Harry Wilson had met the Gang, although at that stage he didn't know it.
Except for the private conversation between Harry and David McIntyre, nothing was ever said about the connection between Willie and the new diving platform. It was simply a gift from Fred's Sports. A lot of people speculated that Fred's Sports simply wanted to get on the Willie bandwagon early, but it never got beyond speculation.
We told Harry that we were close friends of Willie and his parents, and were the closest people to Iron River whom Willie knew. We had told his parents that we'd try to be surrogate parents for Willie. "Please call us if there's anything you need, or if Willie's having any kind of problem. We could come over any evening after school or on a weekend. Harry assured us that he'd call if there ever were a reason to. We felt we could trust him, and told that to Billy and Sara when we talked to them on the phone after the trip.
Sara had said, "You know, I worry about Willie. He's seems so big, but he's only 13. I hope he can handle being alone in Michigan."
I told her, "Sara, he's not going to be alone. June and Hardie seem like wonderful people, and Harry Wilson is wonderful. Paul and I are nearby, but I don't think we're going to be needed. However, needed or not, we'll be glad to keep tabs on Willie and visit him regularly. He can come over here from time to time, and bring Hardie with him. They'll enjoy the trip. Hardie will be getting his driver's license this year, and they'll be able to drive over."
"Is Hardie going to have a car?"
"My guess is that he will, or his mom will let him use the family car. Virtually every boy in this area has access to a car. Likely a kind of beat up one, but a car nevertheless."
Fall came; the new diving platform was installed; the Iron River divers were surprised to have a great new platform courtesy of Fred's Sports; Hardie and his mom fixed up the house some and got the room next to Hardie's all fixed up for a teenager. Billy and Sara drove Willie up over the Labor Day weekend, but they could only stay for Sunday-they had to drive back on Monday. Willie won over June Hassett easily by greeting her with a big hug and kiss and saying, "Hi, Mom. Gee, I'm glad to be here." He greeted Hardie the same way, without the kiss.
Hardie, Learner's Permit in hand, took everyone for a drive around the area. This included the eleven-mile trip to the town of Nelma, Wisconsin, the closest town in Wisconsin to Iron River. Calling Nelma a town is a considerable exaggeration: it had a few houses, a couple of warehouse type of buildings and the junction of the state road with a county road. No store or public service of any kind. We turned around and headed back to Michigan, but we were able to say that we had taken an interstate drive! I could see why the people of Iron River seldom went to Wisconsin, except for the short distance that US Route 2 to the east went through Wisconsin, passing through only one town much bigger than Nelma.
Willie's two moms and dads stayed Saturday and Sunday nights with the Hassetts. Paul and I would've enjoyed sleeping with Billy and Sara, but decided that we didn't want to push too far away from community norms on our first stay with the Hassetts. So Hardie was put in a sleeping bag on the floor in Willie's room, leaving his room, with a double bed, for Paul and me. Billy and Sara slept in the guest room where there were twin beds. The only person happy with this arrangement was June Hassett, but she had no idea that she wasn't doing her best in the situation!
Monday morning Willie and his parents had a very controlled goodbye-no tears, no long drawn out farewells, though all three I think would've liked that. As the Carson's car turned a corner and was out of sight, I think Willie had a few pangs of loneliness. But he smiled and gritted his teeth and said to June, "What're we going to do today?" He was determined that this would work. I was sure it would.
We didn't do much that day. We helped Willie settle into his room-he had brought quite a bit of stuff with him from Bloomington. He and Hardie had carried it all in when he arrived on Saturday evening, but decided that it could just sit until his folks were gone on Monday. By noon all was put away. Paul and I didn't see that there was much more for us to do in Iron River, so we said our farewells and departed. As we left Hardie was saying to Willie, "OK, we've got to get the grass cut. Do you want to handle the mower or the trimmer?"
We made a couple of visits during the fall. All seemed to be going well. His parents came up the weekend before Thanksgiving, sprung him from school on Wednesday, and they drove down to Bloomington for the holiday. He rode back on the bus. It was Willie's idea. He wanted to see whether it was a reasonable way to get back and forth, and I'm pretty sure that he also wanted a chance to prove his independence. He accomplished that, but also proved that it wasn't a practical way to travel. He had to get a night bus from Bloomington to Chicago. He sat for three hours in the bus terminal in Chicago and then got a bus to Madison. He was lucky and didn't have much wait in Madison for the bus to Hurley. He had to change in Hurley, where there was no terminal, just a gas station that the busses stopped at. He would've had a two hour wait there, but Paul and I picked him up and gave him an early dinner. Then we put him on the bus that came across Route 2 from Duluth to Sault Ste. Marie, with stops including Hurley, Ironwood, and Iron River. It got him home about eight in the evening-a twenty-four hour trip that he had driven in just under twelve hours with his parents. He was convinced that the bus definitely was not the way to go.
In early December Coach Wilson took him down to Chicago for a big regional swimming and diving meet. He did well enough to impress people, diving in the open competition at age 14 and doing pretty well. Then came Christmas and New Year's with the word, via a telephone call from Tim, that Willie was going to try to make the Olympic team.
A couple of days later Willie and his parents arrived in Ironwood driving a used Oldsmobile that I had never seen before. They were on their way to Iron River, and the car was a gift for Hardie. They knew that Willie's increased activity level was going to put pressure on Hardie to drive him places, and they thought Hardie should have a car of his own. They had called June and she had agreed, though at first she had said that they simply couldn't accept such a gift. Billy had responded, "When you see the car, June, you won't think it's that much of a gift. Seriously, Willie's life is going to change, and Hardie's will as well. A car is going to be important for them."
June had agreed.
Paul had followed them to Iron River and brought Billy and Sara back to Ironwood. We finally had them to ourselves for a night. We would make up for lost time and missed opportunities. Billy and Sara had much the same idea that we did. Paul fucked the daylights out of Sara, while Billy and I watched-getting thoroughly aroused. Then Billy did the same to me, also with an audience. It was glorious. In the morning we got the kids off to school, and then we paired as gays and lesbians and had another glorious go around. Then it was a quick trip to Ashland, where they were able to get a little regional airline flight to Chicago, and on to Bloomington.
Willie worked like a possessed demon on his diving. He was at the pool every minute it was open, and he was putting a lot of pressure on Harry to find ways to extend pool hours. Let me be clear: Willie never begged or pleaded. When it was time for the pool to close he was ready to go. But if you looked in his eyes you knew he'd like to dive another hour. If Harry said, "Willie, I think I could stay a little longer this evening, would you like to dive some more?" Willie's eyes would light up and he'd say, "Oh, gee, Coach, that'd be great!" You could hear the exclamation point in his voice.
That didn't last long, because in just a couple of weeks Willie was off to, of all places, Sydney, Australia, for the diving meet of his life. Paul and I didn't go. In fact, only Willie, Hardie, Fyn, Arnie, and Willie's grandparents made the trip to Australia. It would take ten days, and it was difficult for people to get off work for that long, especially when they knew they'd be gone for an even longer time in September for a trip to Seoul. Willie also asked that the group be limited. He loved the idea of his grandparents going with him. It was his idea that Fyn and Arnie join them for the trip. They both had won bronze medals in the Los Angeles Olympics (the only Gang members participating) so they'd be able to provide any technical support needed; they were much closer in age to Willie than most of the Gang; and they didn't have jobs or obligations that made the trip difficult. Willie and Hardie both insisted that Hardie simply had to go. Mom Hassett was OK with it, but the school took a little persuading. But Mom and Coach Wilson ganged up on the principal and gave him little choice. June had told Harry, "I think this is important for both Willie and Hardie. Hardie's going, whether the school approves or not, but it'd be better if we can get approval." They did.
Hardie and Willie had a blast in Sydney. Willie's grandfather, Bill, reported that they were like two kids set loose in Disneyland. They wanted to see everything, do everything, meet everyone. Fyn and Arnie had to hustle to keep up with them! Aside from the diving, the two highlights of the trip for them were a night at the opera in the magnificent Sydney Opera House and a climb to the top of the Sydney Harbor Bridge. The boys couldn't even remember the name of the opera they had seen in the Opera House, but they just bubbled in talking about the wonders of the building-sticking out into the harbor like a big sailboat with ballooning sails. Even more exciting was the climb to the top of the Sydney Harbor Bridge, which Hardie, Willie, Fyn and Arnie undertook. They went with a small organized group, leaving early in the morning. It took about three hours to get to the top of the bridge. From there they got a spectacular view of Sydney and its harbor and Opera House. They got down in two hours. The group photo, taken at the top, is Willie's favorite souvenir of the trip. Hardie says that his favorite souvenir is the program from the diving meet, signed by Willie and many of the other divers.
The diving was almost an afterthought for Willie; at least that's the impression that Bill and Martha got. But the trip had been scheduled with time before the meet to get the sightseeing out of Willie's system. The day before the meet he settled down to serious practice. He roomed with Hardie, and they didn't talk about what went on at night. But the first day of the meet it was clear that Willie was ready. He was serious, patient with all of the last minute advice he was receiving, and focused. His dives were magnificent. There didn't seem to be any reason to think that he wasn't already capable of being an Olympian. His second place off the platform and third place off the springboard cemented his claim to being a serious contender for a spot on the U.S. Olympic Team.
While Willie was in Sydney, Paul and I took Nettie and Perry for a trip over to Iron River, specifically to see Coach Wilson. Paul was concerned about the pressure that Willie's diving schedule was putting on the school staff. Paul told Harry, "Look, I know that Fred's Sports will be willing to provide lifeguards to extend the hours of he pool. Let me call Andy and suggest it."
"Who's Andy?"
"He runs Fred's Sports. He's also a good friend."
"I take it that this explains our new diving platform."
"Something like that. May I call Andy."
"It wouldn't be fair to Willie for me to say, 'No'; go ahead."
Andy swung into action quickly. He found two young men at the Iron Mountain store who were certified life guards. When asked if they'd like their work station to be at the Iron River High School (well, its formal name was the West Iron County High School) as life guards, they were enthusiastic. Even better, they lived together in Florence, Wisconsin, which was about a third of the way to Iron River. Their drive to Iron River was only about thirty miles. Andy simply told them that they were to work with Coach Wilson to keep the pool open all hours that were needed. It would be their full time assignment, regardless of the hours. With the need being morning and evening, they'd have split and weekend shifts. It wouldn't amount to full time, but with the odd time demands, they'd be paid for full time.
Their names were Curtis and Gene, and they were delightful young men. Both had graduated from Iron Mountain High School and were thinking about going to college, but they had no specific plans. They had worked at Fred's Sports at Christmas and during the summer their last two years of high school, and the store manager, David McIntyre, was delighted to give them jobs upon graduation. They were now in their second year and were well thought of by their supervisors. McIntyre had thought of them immediately when Andy had called with his unusual request. McIntyre realized immediately that his star could only ascend in the view of corporate management if he was able to meet the special requests of Andy. A fool he was not, and he didn't hesitate to provide two of his best employees. Andy considered it a mark of good management that David had known, without having to ask them, that Curtis and Gene were certified life guards.
Curtis and Gene fit right into the Iron River milieu with no trouble. Willie liked them immediately, as did Harry. They could've divided the work so that one did mornings and the other did evenings, but they preferred to drive over together, so both were usually on duty in the morning. They'd kick around school, the pool, or elsewhere in town for the day, and be back in the evening to extend the pool hours as late as Willie wanted. June quickly adopted the two men (really still boys) and invited them to come by her house and nap or rest during the day. Before long they started overnighting there when Willie dove late and they didn't feel like the drive home. Some days only one would come, but more often than not they traveled together.
I think it was in their second week that Willie decided to end the speculation that surrounded them in the Hassett household. The three were alone in the pool area one evening and Willie came over and sat near them. "Are you guys gay?"
Well, it's not a question that most people ask like that. But Willie was used to the Gang, and he'd gotten to know Curtis and Gene pretty well. Gene answered, "What do you think?"
"I think you are, or I wouldn't have asked."
"Would that bother you?"
"Hell no. Why would it? Tim's gay. I think Greg Louganis is gay. I have gay uncles all over the place. A couple of gay life guards would be neat."
Curtis said, "Well, you got 'em."
"Are you guys in the closet?"
"I'm not sure."
"What do you mean, you're not sure?"
"We haven't tried to keep it a secret at home, or at work. But then, you don't walk into a new job and announce, 'I'm gay. What do you think of that?' So our good friends know, our families know, for most people the issue doesn't come up. Those that are curious are stuck, because you're the first person to have the guts to come out and ask. You're quite a kid, Willie."
"Thanks. It's neat you're gay. I'd hate to think of you guys putting in the long hours you do over here in Iron River when you should be home hunting for a girlfriend. This way, you've got your boyfriend right with you on the job."
"Willie, you're the greatest. I wish the whole world was like you."
"So do I."
Willie showed his mature self to the world. But close family and friends saw the little boy side of him as well. In mid-April I got a call from June. "Amanda, would you have time to come visit Willie, maybe this weekend?"
"Sure, June. What's up?"
"Hardie says that Willie's been crying in his sleep the last couple of nights. I talked with him this morning; he wasn't aware that he had been crying, but he admitted that things weren't going too well right now."
"What's the matter? Did he say?"
"His diving isn't going as well as he'd like. But more important, a couple of the class leaders at school have been teasing him-giving him the 'Diving is a sissy sport' business."
"Billy usually stands up to things like that with no problem."
"My guess is that anybody that saw him at school would agree with you. But Hardie and I see him at home. I think he'd like to see his 'Mom'."
"What do you think? Should I come alone, or should I bring Paul and the kids?"
"I don't know. I think maybe a more adult focused weekend would be best. Could you and Paul both come, but without the kids?"
"I'm sure we could arrange it."
June continued, "Wait, I have a better idea. Curtis and Gene will be around for the weekend, at least one of them, and probably both. If Willie isn't in the pool they're free. I'm sure that they'd be glad to babysit Nettie and Perry. They swim, don't they? Maybe they'd like some time in the pool. Bring them along."
"We'll be at your house around 9:30 on Saturday."
We were there, and were greeted by June, Hardie, and Willie as well as Curtis and Gene who took Nettie and Perry for a day of swimming and exploring Iron River. The remaining five of us sat down in June's kitchen for cocoa and sweet rolls. June assured us that Gene would have milk and donuts for Nettie and Perry when they got to the pool.
I said to Willie, "We understand that things aren't going as well as you'd like. Would you like to talk about that, and if so, would you rather it was just with me, or Paul, or with everyone here?"
"I'd like to talk, and I'm not going to say anything that I wouldn't want anyone in the room to hear."
Paul said, "Willie, enjoy your cocoa and take your time. We have the whole weekend to talk. When you're ready, tell us anything you'd like."
Willie took his time and ate two sweet rolls. After a long silence, which none of us broke, he started to talk.
"Hardie tells me I was crying in my sleep the other night. I didn't know it. If you had asked, I wouldn't have told you I was unhappy, because I didn't think I was. But being told I was crying made me think. What was wrong? I'm not sure I know. I've screwed up a few dives recently."
Paul said, "Willie, everyone screws up a few dives from time to time."
"My dad and Uncle Tim don't. I've watched them dive for hours. They don't screw up. What if I screw up on one of my Olympic dives?"
"OK, I see your point. Keep going; we'll talk about this stuff later."
"There are a few kids, mostly on the football team, that keep telling me that diving is for sissies."
"Your going to the Olympics isn't going to make that kind of comment go away?"
Hardie said, "Oh, no. If anything I think the comments are a result of jealousy of Willie's going to Australia and to Seoul."
"I see. Willie, there has to be something more than this. Have you thought about that?"
"Yes. I think you're right, but I can't put my finger on it."
I asked, "Is it that you're away from home?"
"Maybe, but I don't think so. The Hassetts have been so kind to me; so has Coach Wilson. So have you two."
Paul said, "Willie, tell me about the ten meter diving platform."
"What's to tell?"
"Where did it come from?'
"Fred's Sports."
"Why?"
"To support me; to make it possible for me to practice for the Olympics."
"Who else uses it?"
"Most of the divers do."
"How long did it take them to screw up the courage to dive from more than thirty feet in the air?"
"Some haven't done it yet."
"Willie, how come you decided to come to Iron River to dive if they didn't have a ten meter platform? Did you know that Fred was going to provide one? Had you talked to him?"
"No."
"That really isn't a complete answer, is it?"
Willie started to cry, very softly. Paul continued, "Can I try to answer that for you?"
"Yes."
"You fucked up, didn't you? You were so engaged by Coach Wilson that you forgot you needed a ten meter platform."
Through his tears, Willie managed, "Yes."
"When did you figure out the problem?"
"I didn't. Fred did."
"Fred? Or was it Tim or your dad? How would Fred have known of the problem. But Billy and Tim have both dived at Iron River, haven't they?"
"Sure. Oh, my God. I fucked this whole thing up and Dad bailed me out. That's it, isn't it?"
"I think so."
"I'm a fool."
"No, Willie. You're a boy. A lot of the time you act like a man, you think like a man. On the diving board you look like a man. But you're age 14; that makes you a boy. Men make mistakes, and for sure boys do. It's OK to make a mistake. And when you're a daddy, you're going to learn what a joy it is to help fix your son's mistakes-which he will certainly make. That's what daddies are for."
"He didn't even say anything."
I said, "Willie, it isn't a parent's role to try to get one up on their child. Your dad was smoothing the way. Events have proved that you were right to come to Iron River. Your dad didn't figure that out, you did. You thought that he just said, 'OK.' Now you realize that not only did he say, 'OK,' he worked behind the scenes to make sure that your move here was a success."
"I feel so stupid."
Paul said, "Well, kid, you were kind of stupid. But don't beat yourself up over it. And now that it's all out in the open, you can stop crying about it."
Willie went over to Paul and hugged him tight. They held each other for a long time. Willie dried his eyes, looked up, and said, "OK, I'm all fixed. I'm going to call Dad and thank him - I've already thanked Fred. Then let's go over to the pool and Hardie and I will show you what can be done off a ten meter diving platform."
And as simply as that, the crisis was over. It never ceases to amaze me how abruptly teenager emotions can change. June told us that there was never another moment of self-doubt in Willie, from that moment till he was off to Korea and winning two medals.
My goodness, look at how much I've written, and I'm only at the starting line. Charlie wanted me to pick up the story after Willie's homecoming from the Olympics in Seoul. All this has been background. I hope you don't mind, but I really think you needed to know all that to really understand Willie.
It's tough for a fourteen-year old kid to try to go back to school after two weeks in Korea, winning two Olympic medals, receiving a hero's welcome all across the UP, and returning to his small town school. Then there was that three days off for the gold medal White House visit. The principal had gathered the school together just before Willie's return to classes and told them that they should try to treat Willie as a regular kid, just as they had the previous year. He concluded, "Your greatest gift to Willie Carson will be to simply treat him as Willie."
It took about two weeks, but gradually the hero status wore off and Willie was able to get back to being Willie. Willie dove every day before school and often after school. Team practice didn't start until January, but a number of the divers practiced with him after school. Generally only Hardie joined him before school. They drove together in Hardie's old Oldsmobile. He got teased about the old car, but it was a car and not that different from those that the other boys his age owned-but bigger.
June had been gracious about letting Hardie accept the gift of a car from Willie's parents, but her rule was very simple. "If you ever mix any amount of alcohol with driving that car, it goes right back to Indiana-for good. If you drink at all, then you don't drive that day-period."
Hardie accepted that rule, understanding it's merits. He had seen enough of his friends, especially those a year or two older, have accidents after drinking. True, Hardie was sixteen, and he wasn't supposed to be able to get alcohol; but everyone knew that was a joke. He could get all the beer he wanted, but he and Willie decided that their best move was to avoid it altogether.
With the retirement of Greg Louganis from the U.S. diving scene, Willie became the dominant American diver. Following a pattern established by Tim, he didn't spend a lot of time at diving meets, preferring to dive with his classmates and the few other schools in the Northern Tier that were in an informal league with Iron River. His favorite meet was the annual event at UND when all of the high schools of the Northern Tier were invited to compete. He did go to three or four national meets every year, and managed to be national champion off the 3 m. springboard three of the next four years, and off the 10 m. platform two of the next four years. During his junior and senior years of high school college scouts just about offered him the world to dive for their schools. His reply was quite simple, "I'm going to North Dakota; that's settled." And it was. Willie never had the slightest doubt about where he'd go to college. I am sure that he would have chosen UND even if his father hadn't moved there as aquatics coach, but with his father there it was absolutely a done deal. One day Willie said to me, "You know, I've missed Mom and Dad in high school, even while I've always felt that Iron River was the right place for me. Now I'm going to be with them while I'm in college. That's doing everything backwards, but it works for me."
I asked, "Are you going to live in the dorms, with Hardie?"
"Heck no. Hardie and I are going to live with my parents. I'm going to get back the high school years that I missed at home."
I shouldn't neglect the fact that Hardie was a diver as well as Willie. He wasn't in Willie's league, and that never seemed to bother him. He practiced with Willie almost all the time Willie was at the pool. He certainly improved as a result of Willie's influence. He dove with the team, and had his best meet in his senior year at the annual UND meet. He took a second behind Willie's first off the five meter platform (the team didn't dive competitively at ten meters). I think Willie was as thrilled for him as he was. He continued to dive with Willie for the two years after he graduated. His real diving successes would come in college.
It wasn't long after Willie's homecoming that he and Hardie lingered after dinner one evening with June. Hardie said, "Mom, can we talk?"
"Sure."
They insisted on cleaning up the dinner things, getting iced tea to drink, and settling down in the living room. June said, "What's up, boys? Clearly you have something bigger on your mind than, 'Can we drive to Ironwood this weekend,' or some such."
Hardie said, "This is kinda tough, Mom."
"Take your time and say what you have to say in your own way."
"Willie and I, well, we're sort of involved, sexually."
"Hardie, are you telling me that you're gay? If so, I'm not going to be upset; I love you no matter what."
Willie spoke up, "Mom, neither one of us thinks we're gay. I think we're bisexual. I'm pretty sure that I am, and I think that describes Hardie as well."
Mom asked, "Hardie?"
"Yeah. I enjoy sex with Willie, but I like girls as well."
Mom continued, "While we're talking about sex, just how much sex have you had with the girls you've dated?"
"Mom!"
"Hardie, I very much appreciate that you've trusted me enough to tell me about you and Willie, and your being bisexual. But if we're going to talk, let's get it all out in the open. Have you had a sexual relationship with any of the girls you've dated?"
"Yes."
"Yes, what?"
"OK. Almost nobody dates in Iron River without pretty heavy petting, usually in the car."
"Orgasms?"
"Mom!"
"Keep going, Hardie."
"Sometimes."
"Fucking?"
"Mom!"
"I do know the word, Hardie. Now, who have you fucked?"
"Judy and Beth."
"Did you use protection?"
"You mean a condom?"
"Yes, I mean, 'Did you use a condom?'"
"Yes."
"Always?"
"Yes."
"What do you and Willie do?"
"Lots of things."
"Do you use condoms?"
"We haven't done THAT."
"That was tough, wasn't it, Hardie?"
"Yes."
"Thank you for opening the door. I've guessed that you and Willie might be involved with each other. I'm glad you told me. You know, boys, I'm well aware that there are quite a few gay couples in the group that went to Seoul with us. It didn't bother me. You and Willie doing things doesn't bother me. You're virile teenagers, and this is close to the time in your life when your sexual urges are greatest. I'm very concerned that you're always careful. With sex can come some very serious diseases. AIDS is only the worst, but it's rare compared to others. Willie, I have to ask you. Have you had other partners? Are you safe?"
"No, I haven't, and yes, Mom, I am."
Mom was treated to a pretty frank explanation of Willie's relations with Tim and Murray. She had always prided herself on being a pretty "with it" mom, but Willie was able to test her mightily. But, in her words to me as she told me the story later, "I passed."
From that day, Willie started openly sleeping with Hardie in his double bed. They were lovers, but both agreed that they really wanted to find girlfriends and eventually wives. But for the rest of the time that Willie was in Iron River, he and Hardie preferred each other to the girls they dated.
Hardie graduated at the end of Willie's tenth grade year. He told his Mom, and Willie, that he wanted to go to college-he'd be the first of his family to go. His Mom was thrilled, and credited it completely to his friendship with Willie. But Hardie wanted to wait two years and go to UND with Willie. At first, that disappointed his mom, but upon reflection she decided that Hardie would probably do better in college if Willie was there with him. Hardie knew he could get a job at Fred's Sports in Iron Mountain, but he really wanted to be closer to home. He did get one at the local Ace Hardware, and there he worked for two years.
And so life settled into a familiar pattern for the two boys. Willie got his driver's license at age 16 and they shared the old Oldsmobile, which still ran well, even if it did look pretty beat up. They avoided both alcohol and accidents, and were thus mighty exceptions to the rule for teenage Yoopers. Paul and I, along with Nettie and Perry, visited them regularly, and they drove over to visit us for a weekend at least every month or so.
Harry was very important in both of their lives. If June was a surrogate mom, Harry was Willie's surrogate Dad. He was so much more than a diving coach that Willie really loved him. Willie had spotted a winner many years before and Harry proved it daily.
I think it was in Willie's sophomore year when Harry was visiting at the Hassetts. He had come by just to tell Willie of some schedule change, or something. Looking back, I'm pretty sure that it was a made up excuse. In any case, as he was leaving he very casually asked June if she like to go to dinner with him the next evening.
June called me the next day. "Amanda, I have to tell someone, and you're the first person I thought of. Harry's asked me to go to dinner tonight. I'm sure that he thinks of it as a date. My God, Amanda, I'm 38 years old, and I'm feeling like a teenager ready for her first date."
I was delighted for June. I told her, "No teenager deserves a first date more than you, June."
"What do I wear?"
"My God, it is like a first date, isn't it?"
"Yes. It really is. And I don't know what to wear."
"Ask Willie and Hardie. They'd love to help dress their mom for a date. And I can't believe that they won't be as thrilled as you that Harry has asked you out."
Hardie and Willie helped June pick out slacks and a blouse, and they went to a store in town to buy her a new jacket-a gift from Willie. They were thrilled, and waved goodbye to her and Harry as he escorted June to his car. Dinner was in Iron Mountain, and the drive home was the most romantic drive of June's life. In her words, "We talked about everything, and nothing. Oh, Amanda, he's wonderful. Well, I always knew that. He's been so great for the boys. He told me about his first marriage. He really loved his wife, but she became mentally ill-seriously depressed. She died in a car accident when her car skidded off an icy road into a tree. Harry had always suspected that it may have been deliberate, but there was no way of knowing. He hadn't been sorry, because he had lost her two years before when her depression had become almost unbearable for both of them. Now, ten years later, he was finally able to break free of her memory and look to the future.
They had been dating for about three months. Hardie and Willie were wildly enthusiastic about their dating. Harry was around the Hassett house quite a bit, but he didn't spend the night. However, he became aware that even though Willie had his own room, he slipped into Hardie's room to sleep. After observing that a few times he asked June what was going on.
"Harry, I'm going to tell you something about the boys that I'm surprised you haven't already figured out. I hope that it doesn't bother you, or affect your relationship to the boys."
"I think I can guess what you're going to tell me."
"No, I don't think you can. You're going to guess that they're gay. Probably lovers. Am I right?"
"Yes, isn't that pretty clear?"
"No. They're both bisexual. They date girls, and not as a front or cover. They like girls. They want to get married. But they're bisexual and they like boys, especially each other. And, yes, they have a sexual relationship."
"And you're comfortable with that, June?"
"Yes, Harry, I am. They told me a long time ago, when the relationship was just starting. I loved them for being honest. And I'm not troubled by what they're doing."
Harry said, "I'm going to have a difficult time with this."
June said, "I think you should go over to Grand Forks and have a conversation with Tim and Charlie. I think that Billy and Sara, Willie's parents, might join you. They have high stakes here, because you're so important in their son's life. Would you be willing to do that?"
"Of course. June, I love you, and I love Hardie and Willie. I'm not going to condemn them. But this is outside of my experience. I'll admit it; it's tough."
"Admitting it is very important, Harry. I love you, too. I don't want this to affect our relationship.
Harry did go to Grand Forks, and Billy, Sara, Bill and Martha, as well as Charlie and Tim really ganged up on him. Bill took the lead and described the obvious sexual attraction that there was between Tim and Billy, and how it seemed to be so good and healthy for both of them. There had been nothing hidden, nothing dirty, nothing secret about it. They had just both admired each other as persons, athletes, and sexual beings. In their case, nothing physical had happened until Billy was 18. That kind of limitation didn't apply to Hardie and Willie.
Harry had listened to all of this and they said to Bill, "Willie's your grandson. It doesn't bother you that he's having sex with Hardie Hassett?"
"Not in the least. I'm sure that Willie draws strength from the relationship. It's good for him. It will make him a better man and a better husband, because Hardie's a wonderful, loving young man. And Hardie's gaining the same things from the relationship. Just ask June."
Harry had said, "This is going to take some getting used to. But I'll try. I love those boys. I just have to learn to accept who they are."
Tim had said, "Bravo, Harry. Willie was exactly right when he decided that you were the coach he wanted for his high school years-the most important four years in his development."
A few weeks later Harry was able to bring himself to talk to Willie and Hardie about their relationship. Harry admitted his initial reservations, and Willie and Hardie were very frank in sharing with him their feelings for each other and describing their physical relationship. Harry had asked for that, saying that he really needed to understand them. That session was almost more than Harry could take, especially when he made the mistake of asking what rimming was. But when they were finished, Harry hugged them both and said, "Thank you, boys. Thank you for trusting me. I love you both. And I'm beginning to understand who you really are."
Two months later Harry and June were engaged, and they were married just after Hardie's graduation. It was a small ceremony with a few of their closest friends, Willie's parents and grandparents, Paul and I, and, of course, Willie and Hardie.
Charlie, Tim, Fred, Andy, and Murray drove over from Grand Forks together for the wedding. They could've easily driven it in one day, but they chose to spend the night in Duluth in Charlie and Tim's favorite hotel! The five of them shared two adjoining rooms. They took turns showing Murray that the "old folks" still had it in them! But after Murray had had an orgasm with each of them in succession, they had to admit that youth had its advantages!
Others attending included the Michigan Gang members; Willie's grandparents, who flew over from Grand Forks; and his parents and brother who drove up from Bloomington. This would be their last drive on that route, as Billy would take up his duties at UND in the fall.
The wedding was a simple affair. Willie stood up with Harry, and Hardie stood up with his mom. June had said, "Custom be damned, I don't need a Maid of Honor, I want Hardie-he's the most important person in my life."
For Harry, second only to getting a wife was the fun of meeting Fred and Andy for the first time. He fell all over himself thanking them for the wonderful things they had done for the diving program at the high school, but they insisted that Willie had to have good facilities. They went on, "We did our homework, however. We learned that there wasn't a better coach in the Northern Tier for us to support. You have a great reputation, Harry."
"I didn't know anybody knew me outside of Iron River, and maybe the other high schools we dive with."
Andy replied, "Believe me, they do. You're well respected. We checked on that first to make sure Willie wasn't making a mistake, and second to make sure that our funding of your program wasn't going to go to waste."
"All I can say is, 'Thank you,."
"And all we can say is, 'Use the stuff to the fullest'."
What's to say about the next two years in the life of Willie, Hardie, and the people around them who surrounded them with love? Harry had lived in a small house, which they sold when he moved into the Hassett home. He proved to be a good dad to both Willie and Hardie, as they knew he would. They had, after all, experienced him as their coach for the previous two years for Willie and four for Hardie.
Harry admitted privately to June that it took him quite a while to get used to the idea that every night Willie walked down the hall to Hardie's room and joined him in bed. But he had accepted it intellectually before their marriage, and it wasn't too long before it became normal. He told June, "The boys are such wonderful boys, I have to believe that what they do at night is part of the reason they're so good in the daytime. They make their own case for gay sex to be accepted."
June had replied, "Harry, I love you. I knew you'd learn to accept their love as good. But I think you're going to be fooled. I think they're both going to find wonderful girls to marry. And we'll have a pretty good idea that the girls are wonderful if they can accept the relationship between Hardie and Willie, because I know the boys won't keep it secret."
I now turn this story back to Charlie to catch you up on how the rest of the gang moved through the four years between the Seoul and the Barcelona Olympics.
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