In Spite of Everything
by Charles Lacey
Chapter 11
Paul
Everyone was glad that the war was over. I'd been lucky that when my job in the Home Counties came to an end I was able to return to Derby and get a job working for Perkins and Bright, the builders. The Blitz damage would take years to put to rights, but there was work for craftsmen of all kinds, and although I'd never finished my apprenticeship with Mr Grimbold, it didn't matter because carpenters and joiners were in great demand. Most of us chippies had our own mark that we used to put in a house that we'd worked on. Mine was a P and an A in a little heart shape, and every place I worked has it there somewhere.
Grannie was definitely feeling her years now and I was glad to be back at home so that I could look after her. She still had the same spirit she'd had as a young girl, but she tired quickly now and had to have a rest in the afternoon. It wasn't an easy time, though. A lot of things were still rationed and a fair amount of what we wanted was just not available. In some ways it was actually worse than during the war, but at least there wasn't the threat of more bombs falling and people being killed.
Aiden continued to write to me regularly and now that I was back at home it was much easier to write to him. I'd heard that his Mum was going to marry Mr Tootell which sounded like a good idea. I'd liked old Tootell on the few occasions when we met; he seemed to be a kindly man and I was sure he would make a good husband. But of course it meant that Aiden would no longer have a room at Ainsworth Hall, though that made me happy because he would be able to be at Grannie's with me. I'd loved it when he came on leave for a week and we'd shared my bedroom. In fact, for most of the week we'd shared a bed. I don't know whether Grannie knew. She probably worked it out; she was a very shrewd lady. But she didn't mind as long as I was happy.
I had several letters from Aiden when he was with the party that went into the dreadful concentration camp at Bergen-Belsen. I'd heard Richard Dimbleby's broadcast about it. He delivered it in a level, factual tone, letting the facts that he disclosed speak for themselves. I thought I'd known something about cruelty, but I hadn't, not when I heard what the Nazis had done at Belsen and other places. Aiden had made friends with a sweet Polish boy called Jan, and in 1949 he and his friend Krzystof came to stay with us. He didn't talk much about his time at Belsen, but I learned that when Aiden found him he was just over five stone in weight and had given up hope of living. His previous friend, Moritz, had been casually killed one day. Not for any reason, but just because a German had a gun in his hand and wanted to take a pot-shot at something or someone.
One night during their stay with us Jan and Krzystof took us out to dinner at a very good restaurant. Jan gave us to understand that Aiden had literally saved his life, by treating him with kindness and humanity, giving him a reason to live when he had given up all hope. Jan and Krzystof both had tears in their eyes, and so did I. Poor Aiden just looked embarrassed!
Aiden had had a few day's leave while he was at Belsen, and he came to spend it with Grannie and me. When he arrived, the haunted look on his face nearly broke my heart. He had seen horror after horror, and while I knew he would have done everything in his power to help people and be kind, it was as nothing against such concentrated evil as the Nazis had worked. We went for a walk, which we spent in silence, and when we got back home I took Aiden to our bedroom and we sat on the bed, and I held him in my arms and he wept as if the world was ending. It took years before the bad dreams came to an end. Many times he would wake in the night, crying out. I was glad that I was there, not to comfort him because nothing could give comfort in the face of what he had seen and endued, but just to be there, a loving presence so that he knew he was not alone.
But it really made me think about prejudice. Aiden and I loved each other dearly – we still do, if anything even more – and there was no harm in the world in that. But we were breaking the law. Well, we didn't care. We were careful and discreet in public, and what we did behind the closed doors of our own house was no-one's business but our own. And yet a good many people think it their business to poke and pry into other people's affairs and tell them how they ought to live their lives. And it grieves me to admit it, but some of the religious groups were among the worst. The Chapel that my parents attended taught them that to drink alcohol was a sin. Well, Aiden and I enjoy a glass of beer from time to time, and I can't see that it does any harm. After all, according to the Gospels, Jesus liked a glass of wine. And He liked being friends with all sorts of people, and I'm sure our sort of people were among them. We've never smoked, not because of any moral prohibition but because it's bad for your health as well as being a waste of money. But old Hodges used to frighten everyone with tales of Hell and all the rest of it. Why should a loving God send His child to endless punishment? It doesn't make sense. Evil has nothing to do with what people do in love. True wickedness is what people do to hurt one another. Aiden saw what that meant, in Germany in 1945.
Well, little by little the folk from Belsen were freed and helped to return to their homes, and the wartime army was gradually demobbed. Aiden came home to stay, and we started to think seriously about what he would do. He'd got a place promised at Liverpool University, but he had changed his mind about teaching and really wanted to train to be a doctor. He'd had the example of Major Harding to inspire him, and I had no doubt in my own mind that Aiden had it in him to become one of those doctors who are loved and respected not only for their competence but for their personal qualities. Dr Fleet, who was Grannie's own doctor, was one such. He'd spent almost his whole working life in the same suburb of Derby, where most people were far from wealthy. But he gave the same devoted care to everyone, irrespective of their ability to pay.
The problem, of course, was money. As a temporary measure Aidentook a job working for the City council, helping to re-settle returning servicemen. But it was at this time that Grannie became seriously ill. She had an operation for cancer, but the disease had spread and we knew it was only a matter of time. I think Aiden came to love her as dearly as I did. But of course with his Army medical training he was a wonderful nurse, and he looked after her devotedly. A few days before she died, we were sitting with her and she said, "the last part of my life has been the best. I have had a good life, with two good husbands, and a son and a grandson to be proud of, and now I have two lovely grandsons." After that we talked of other things, but her words stayed in our hearts.
Dr Fleet called every couple of days to see how she was faring. On one such occasion, not far from the end, he got into conversation with Aiden. They talked for a few minutes about Grannie's care, and then the doctor said to him, "Have you ever considered training for the medical profession? I think you'd make a very good doctor." Aiden admitted that he had, but that he was prevented by lack of money.
"Ah," said Dr Fleet, "with the new National Health Service starting in a year or so there is going to be a great need for more doctors. Leave it with me. I think there may be some possibilities." And with that he left to visit his next patient. But two days later he was back with some news. It would mean that Aiden would have to commit himself to at least six years of training at Medical School, and he would have to pass exams each year, but grants were available. I could see how excited Aiden was. Well, two people can live nearly as cheaply as one, and I was never going to be out of work. So as long as the fees were covered by the grant, it could be feasible.
A few days after that, Grannie died. She slipped away very peacefully in the end, with Aiden and I at her bedside, holding her hands. We both wept bitterly. Grannie had taken me in when I was fourteen, and cared for me devotedly. Latterly she had also seen how much Aiden and I meant to each other, and accepted him, as she had said, as a second grandson. I had to let Dad know, of course, so I wrote to him. He came two days later on his own and told me that Mother was not well enough to travel. I was rather surprised by this, as she had never had a day's illness in her life that I knew of. I rather suspected that she would have felt embarrassed at meeting me, and used this as an excuse.
Grannie's funeral was a week later at St Michael's Church. There were not many people there as she had lived a very quiet life, just Aiden and I, Dad, and half a dozen friends who went to the same Church. Mr Light, the Vicar, took the service and spoke about "this beautiful and beloved Christian soul". How right he was. Dear Grannie! She had lived a quiet life, though not always an easy one, never pushing herself forward but never missing an opportunity to help others if she could do so. She had married Paul Blandy (I was named after him) in 1901, and they had two children, my father and a girl who died long before I was born. He died in the Great War, in Flanders. Grannie still had his medals of which she had been very proud. In 1925 she married again, a very decent man called Philip North. I met him a few times and liked him. But they had no children and he died in the early 1930s, I believe from Influenza.
After the Funeral we opened and read Grannie's Will. It was a short and simple document leaving everything to Dad. There wasn't a lot: a few hundred pounds in safe Government securities, some shares in the Metal Box Company, a small amount of jewellery. I had contacted the landlord and arranged to continue to rent the house for the time being. We were both working, and there seemed no point in moving, at least until we knew what chance there was of Aiden starting medical training.
Liverpool University Medical School were very helpful. Yes, he could start as long as the fees were guaranteed. His Higher School Certificate, plus his Army experience were useful, but I think what really swung it in his favour was a glowing reference from Professor, formerly Major, Edward Harding. I gave notice to Perkins and Bright, Aiden gave notice to the City Council and we let our landlord know that we would be moving out.
As I'd expected, I had no trouble finding a job in Liverpool, though at first I had difficulty understanding what was said to me; the Liverpool accent is very broad! But reliable joiners were in short supply and there was a huge amount of building work going on. We found a nice little two-up, two-down house to rent and moved in. And it was while we were there that our relationship took on a new dimension.
We'd shared a room at Grannie's, and it was not unusual for us to get into bed together, though we didn't usually sleep in the same bed as there just wasn't room. But I'd noticed that when I was in bed with Aiden we both seemed to get erections. I was horribly ashamed of this at first. Then one morning we were together, and my hand slid down by accident and touched his penis. I snatched it away, of course, but he took my hand in his and guided it back. I did still rub myself from time to time, so I did the same thing to Aiden. Suddenly his mouth was over mine, and his hand was between my legs, and I had the most explosive climax I had ever experienced. Moments later the same thing happened to Aiden.
"Oh, Aiden," I said, bright red with embarrassment, "I'm so sorry. We mustn't ever do that again."
"Why not?" he asked.
"Because it's wrong, it's…." I was going to say, It's forbidden, but he interrupted me.
"Why is it wrong?"
There was a long silence. I thought of my childhood, of Mother's endless prohibitions, of Reverend Hodges beating me (I still had the scars on my backside, as Aiden had noticed). And then I thought of Grannie, of the way she had accepted me as I was, and the way she had accepted Aiden. I couldn't think of anything to say. Aiden's arm went around my shoulders, and I leaned back against him; his face came down over mine and we kissed again. We lay like that for a while, and then we had to get up. The bed, and our pyjamas, were in a shocking mess and we had to change both. But the ice had been broken, a new stage in our relationship had been reached, and we both knew that there would be no going back.
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