In Spite of Everything
by Charles Lacey
Chapter 5
Paul
I couldn't wait for half term to come, so that I could see Aiden again. Adam Skillicorn had totally gone from my boyish dreams; he was just Dad's assistant, a nice enough chap but no-one special. But my routine had to go on: chores, school, homework, Chapel. I looked around at the other lads at school, but none of them could hold a candle to Aiden. That soft, dark skin… I ventured to wonder what he would look like without his shirt on, and I tried to imagine what it would be like to stroke his back or his arms. I'd noticed that he had a fine gold chain around his neck and I wondered what hung from it. And I loved the contrast in colour and texture between the gold and the skin.
But School work was keeping me busy. My parents wanted me to stay on at school and at least take School Certificate. I think my mother really hoped I would become a Minister like Mr Hodges; if I had School Cert. I could go to the Bible College in Manchester to do my training before joining one or another Chapel. I wasn't at all clear what I wanted to do. I had to be honest with myself and admit that I didn't feel any calling to the ordained ministry. I wouldn't have minded joining Dad in his workshop and perhaps taking over the business gradually as he got older, but I really felt I wanted to travel and see the world. Mother, characteristically, pooh-poohed any such idea. I was to know my place; people of our class didn't travel, unless we were in the Forces. What I really wanted, of course, was anything that involved Aiden! But I couldn't say this to Mother.
So I carried on at Ashbury Grammar School, minding my books and generally being placed somewhere above the middle of the class. Just before half term I had another letter from Aiden.
Even Dad noticed that I was on wires that weekend! But on Monday morning, I was on the look-out in the lane, when Aiden appeared. I thought he was slightly taller than when I had last seen him, but he was just as handsome as I had remembered. He was wearing grey flannel trousers, an open-necked check shirt with a pullover, and he had a coat over his arm as it was grey overhead.
We clasped hands – both hands, both of us! – and I wished it was in order for boys to kiss in greeting, as girls often seemed to do. He had my string bag in his hand – I'd forgotten to bring it back when I dropped off the jewel box – and it had a couple of packs of sandwiches, some fruit and a bottle of lemonade in it.
I asked Aiden what he would like to do, and he suggested that we might go into Ashbury on the 'bus, perhaps take a walk and eat out lunch in the park and then go to the pictures. Fortunately I had a few shillings; I didn't get regular pocket money but Dad used to give me a shilling or two each week for helping him and there wasn't much to spend it on. So Aiden paid the bus fares and I bought the tickets. The sandwiches were delicious. Aiden told me that Mrs May had made them; the lemonade was her make too. Aiden had forgotten to bring any cups but we took it in turns to swig from the bottle.
The film was an American comedy called Modern Times, starring Charlie Chaplin. I can't say that it was all that gripping, but I did spend most of the film looking out of the corner of my eye at Aiden. Several times I felt his leg touch mine, but it was quite a small cinema and the seats were close together. When it was over we came back on the 'bus. I'd really have liked to invite Aiden to our house for tea, but I knew Mother would have wanted to know who I was bringing home, why, and every other possible detail. Also, the tea would have been weak and lukewarm and there would have been nothing to go with it except possibly a biscuit, and even that would probably have been stale.
I watched Aiden walking away with some sadness that I couldn't invite him home. Suddenly he turned, gave me that glorious smile again and waved. I really wanted to run over and hug him, but I just had to wave and smile back, and then turn and go to my home. Predictably, Mother wanted to know where I had been and what I had been doing. I told her the truth: that I'd been into Ashbury to the cinema. She sniffed and said, "Why did you want to waste time and money on rubbish like that?" It wasn't a question that needed an answer; it was just her way of expressing disapproval of anything that didn't involve either her and/or the Chapel. But Aiden and I had arranged to meet again on the Thursday and go for a walk. I'd wished again that I could provide a packed lunch for us, but other than buying all the materials from the shop and making it myself, it wouldn't have been possible. But I did pop in and buy a fruit cake. As I paid for it Mrs Harper said, "It's good to see you with a friend. I've always thought you were a bit lonely."
On the Thursday Aiden was again very prompt; I was out of the house by a quarter to ten and saw him coming. He had brought another of Mrs May's packed meals and we set off along the lanes. We talked a lot, about our different schools and our different lives. I'd lived all my life in Ainsworth, and except for a couple of trips to Manchester with the school and an occasional visit to Derby with Dad to see my grandmother, the furthest I had ever been from home was to school in Ashbury. Aiden had lived in several different places: he'd been born in Worcestershire, but his Dad had been a commercial traveller; they'd lived in London for a while, then near Stoke on Trent.
I knew we would end up at Hobson's Farm. The weather was beginning to get cooler and it was overcast. But I wanted to show Aiden the horses. They were genuine Shires, the original Gentle Giants; enormous beasts, very intelligent and unbelievably strong, but very placid and good-natured. I always made a point of greeting them when I arrived at the barn, and sometimes brought an apple each for them from the tree in the lane. To my surprise, Aiden was quite nervous of them, but I realized that he had always lived in towns and hadn't much experience of farm animals. But we'd brought some apples and I showed him how to hold one out on the palm of his hand, and the horse took it between its lips as they do, and Aiden was bold enough to stroke its mane.
Then I led the way up to the hayloft, still talking about farming and animals – not that I was any sort of expert! – and we lay side by side in the hay and ate our sandwiches. Suddenly we heard a voice from below: it was Mrs Hobson and her daughter, come to feed the horses. We were very quiet; technically we were trespassing, and although I didn't think the Hobsons would do more than give us a ticking off if they found us, it would still have been very awkward.
But they didn't take long; all that was needed was to put some more hay in their feeders, the 'mucking out' would come later. And as they went about their work, Aiden's hand moved gradually closer to mine, until they were touching. I slid my palm into his and his hand closed around mine. We must have been like that for about ten minutes until the two women left, closing the door behind them. Then Aiden slid closer to me in the hay and whispered, "Paul… can I kiss you?"
I'd never felt like this before. What was happening to me? I nodded, and moved a little closer. Aiden kissed me, very delicately, on the forehead, then on my cheek, then on my lips. "That's what they call the "Kiss of Peace", he said, "it means we will always be friends. I've always wished I had a brother, but now I have you."
I didn't know what to answer, but I thought, well, if Aiden can kiss me, I can kiss him back. So I did just that, again upon the forehead, then the cheek, then the lips. But this time he seemed to want to linger. I'd never had a friend, not really. There were one or two lads at school that I got on with reasonably well, but no-one I could share secrets with or talk to when I was feeling down. I said all this to Aiden, and he replied, "You'll always have me, I promise. And you can tell me anything. I won't ever pass on anything you've told me in confidence."
At that moment we each saw tears in the other's eyes, so we laughed, and then somehow our arms were around each other, and we kissed again, and then we relaxed, lying side by side, close together, each with an arm around the other. It was a wonderful experience, to be as close as that to someone of my own age, touching and holding, gentle and unafraid. It was so quiet that we could hear the Church clock all the way from the village. We lay there, mostly in silence, until the clock struck four, and then we had to get up and start getting ready to go back to our homes. We had one last sweet kiss and then went down the ladder, keeping an eye open for the Hobsons. Not surprisingly, having drunk a big bottle of lemonade between us, we needed to relieve ourselves, so we took the opportunity in the barn; it amused us that one of the horses had the same idea at the same time! And then we walked back into the village, holding hands part of the way when we couldn't be seen. The end of the lane in which our house stood was on the way for Aiden, so we parted there. As before, each of us looked back and waved after walking a few yards.
What I hadn't realised was that Mother had been watching out for me and the moment I arrived, she demanded, "Who was that youth you were with?"
"It was my friend Aiden…" I replied, but Mother interrupted, "Where does he come from? You don't know any other boys in the village."
"He comes from Ainsworth Hall. His mother is the Housekeeper there."
She frowned and her voice went up in pitch. "What?" she snapped. "You're not to have anything more to do with him, do you hear? That lot up at the Hall, they are heathens and idolaters. If I catch you having anything to do with anyone from there again, you'll be in big trouble."
It was a bitter moment. I'd had such a lovely time with Aiden, my first real friend, and then the moment I got home, he was being torn to shreds by my mother's caustic tongue, not because he had done anything wrong – far from it! – but simply because he and his family had a different religion from ours. And not even all that different – we were all Christians, it's not as if he was a Hindu or a Mohammedan. He was just my dear friend. I hurried to Dad's workshop, which was in general the one place I could be safe, since Mother never went in there if she could avoid it. It was empty – Dad had gone out in the van to deliver something – and I sat on a stool and broke down in tears. I was beginning to recover myself when Dad came in. He looked at me and put a kindly hand on my shoulder. "What's the problem, old chap?" he asked.
"Mother won't let me see my friend any more."
"Oh? Who is that?"
"It's Aiden Mitchell. His mother is the Housekeeper at the Big House."
"Ah" he said gently, "but Paul, it might be better if you didn't see him. His family are all Roman Catholics, and you know they break the Commandments, especially bowing down to idols. And they have all their services in a foreign language. Cheer up, old chap. I'm sure someone more suitable will come along."
I knew Dad meant well, but I didn't want another 'more suitable' friend, I wanted Aiden. That Sunday we had another fiery sermon from Reverend Hodges about Idolatry, and for a good part of it he had his eyes fixed on me. After the service he took me on one side and said he had heard about me being friendly with the Housekeeper's boy from the Hall, but I should be very careful, because someone like that could lead me into Bad Ways. I heard a little later that Mr Tootell from the Hall had called to ask Dad to repair a clock case, but Mother had sent him away.
But Aiden had promised to be my friend for always, and I trusted him. A letter arrived with his handwriting, and I had just picked it up from the doormat when my mother snatched it from my hands and said, "Who's writing to you?"
I was a very honest boy and it wouldn't have occurred to me to lie, so I said, "it's from my friend Aiden".
"Oh," said Mother, "we'll see about that," and she tore it in half and put it on the fire in the kitchen boiler. I was a placid sort of person as a rule, but I felt such sorrow and such anger then that I wonder I did not burst. But that afternoon I walked back to Hobson's Farm and climbed up to the hayloft. I lay where Aiden and I had been together, and wept as if my heart would break.
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