What a difference a day makes

by c m

That's how I first remember seeing him; sitting there in his tennis whites, arm bent and finger to his lips...and of course I then realised I was doing much the same. Not that I'd been playing tennis. Can't get my head round it - well, my arms actually. No, squash is more my game. It's all in the wrist. Unlike tennis. You need locked wrists for that - or so I understand. Not that tennis or squash were on my mind when I saw him. No. I had games of quite a different kind in mind. Yeah. Just my type. Dark hair and olive skin. Not that I really have a type if I think about it. Blond is good too. Like my friend Mark. I wish I wasn't quite so shy. Wish I could just go up and to him and say 'hi'...sit down opposite and just chat. I wonder what colour his eyes are. I'm guessing brown. Mine are blue. He has a nice smile too. Funny how people's faces can change when they smile. Sort of light up. Yeah. He's really nice. Wonder which holiday apartment he's staying in. That's what I'm doing here. I'm here on holiday with my folks. We're in a really nice apartment overlooking the sea. And the swimming pool. Oh yeah...and the tennis courts. Maybe he'll go swimming later. Be nice to see him in just some swimmers. Looks like he has a good body. Maybe I can say hi to him in the pool. I quite fancy a swim. It's hot here. Oh God, he's just turned and looked at me. Damn. He must have felt me staring at him. Oh, hang on..he just smiled at me. Maybe I'll just give him a little wave. Oh wow! He just waved back. Shit, he's coming over. Why do I have this stupid grin on my face. He'll think I'm a dork. What do I say to him? Oh-oh, too late. He's here.

'Hi. I'm Ben. Mind if I sit down?'

'No...please...you're welcome.'

I point to the seat beside me. He sits. His legs slightly apart. He turns and looks me straight in the eyes.

'Hope you don't mind me just introducing myself. There's not many guys our age here. And you look kind of lonely.'

I blush. Dammit, why do I blush whenever a good-looking guys says hello. It's like I've got 'I'm gay and I fancy you' tattooed on my forehead. Oh God...stop staring at him and say something.

'Err...hi...no, not at all. Great to have some company. I'm Toby by the way.'

By the way? What the hell did I say that for. Why not just 'I'm Toby'? Too late now.

I must have held out my hand, because he's taken hold of it in a handshake. His hand is dry and his handshake is firm. He has long fingers that wrap right round the back of my hand. I'm tingling. He's looking at me. I'm right. His eyes are brown. With long lashes. And he's smiling. His teeth are white. And his lips are full. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Focus. Talk. Say something.

Too late.

'Pleased to meet you, Toby. You here with your family?'

'Yes.' I smile back. 'Mum, Dad and big bro. Apartment 17.'

Why did I tell him my apartment number? God I have to stop being so obvious. So stupid.

'Me too. But just Mum and Dad. Apartment 21.'

OK. Maybe it wasn't so bad. He just told me his number too. Maybe I worry too much.

'You play tennis?' he asks.

I shake my head. 'No...well...sort of, but really, really badly.'

God. Never have I ever, ever wanted to be able to play tennis well as much as I do right now.

'I play squash, though.'

Oh great. Well done. Maybe you could have got to have a game of tennis with him, even if it would have been embarrassing. But no. You had to blow it. Squash. For crying out loud. I wish I could start this conversation again.

'Squash?' he says, 'OK, cool. I play squash too. Want a game some time?'

Did that just happen? Maybe there is a God after all.

'Sure. Love to. When?'

'Now maybe? If there's a court available. Or are you doing something? Or we could make it tomorrow if that's better?'

Oh no, no, no. Now is great. Now is perfect. If there is indeed a God, please let there be a court available.

'Now? Sure. Want to go and see if there's a court free?'

'Sure. Cool. I'll just tell my parents where we're going.'

'Great. I'll wait for you.'

'Why don't you come and meet them? They're always telling me to make friends.'

'Why not?'

We smile at each other. And I get that tingle again. We walk across to the other side of the cafe area from where we'd both been sitting towards the pool. It's more or less surrounded by people sunbathing on loungers. We approach a couple - his parents, I assume - who are sitting at a small table with a bright orange sunshade.

'Hi Mum, Dad. This is Toby. He's staying here with his family too. We just met. We thought we'd go and have a game of squash, if that's OK with you.'

'Hey, hi Toby,' says his father, 'nice to meet you. We keep telling Ben to find some friends.'

I look across at Ben. He shrugs with an 'I told you so' look. We both smile.

'No, that's great. You two go and have fun. See you later.'

As we walk off towards Reception - where they keep the booking lists - Ben asks if I need to let my folks know where I'll be.

'No. They pretty much let me do my own thing. We agreed to meet up in time for dinner. Until then, I'm footloose and fancy-free.'

Footloose and fancy-free? Oh, God. That's what my mother would have said. Ben must think I'm a real sad case. As we head through the palm trees and up the sandy path towards the main building, Ben says:

'So, tell me about big bro.'

'Paul? He's OK I guess. He's 18...this'll probably be the last family holiday he takes with us. He wasn't that keen on coming - he wanted to go with his girlfriend, but then her parents had some big family get-together happening so he's here. He's going away with her for a week when we get back. That was kind of the 'quid pro quo' for coming here. It's a bit of a pain sharing a room with him though. He snores...apart from anything else. And he tends to wander around naked - not that I have any problem with naked, but then he scratches his balls and farts and thinks it's so funny. '

'I can see that would wear thin. I'm lucky - I have my own bedroom in the apartment so I can just go and get some peace and quiet when I want it.'

'Sounds wonderful.'

'You must come and see it.'

Woah. Did that just happen too? Did I just get invited to his room? Yes, of course you did, dummy. But it doesn't mean anything. He's just being friendly.

'Cool...I'd like that.'

Hey. Auto-response just kicked in. I didn't mean to say that. Or maybe I did, I just didn't 'think' it. It just came out. Well, way to go, auto-response.

'Excellent.'

We reach Reception. The girl on duty looks up.

'Do you have a squash court available now or in the next hour?' I ask.

'Let me see.'

The receptionist is a nice-looking girl of maybe 21 or so with long blonde hair. If I'd been into that kind of thing, I suppose I'd have called her pretty. But it gives me an opportunity to behave more like a straight guy. If Ben's straight - and I have no reason to suppose he isn't - then I want to reinforce our friendship.

'She's cute, huh?'

'I guess.'

Hardly a ringing heterosexual endorsement. I wonder… Geez, what do you mean, 'I wonder?' What sort of a stupid thought is that? Probably just doesn't like blondes. Or maybe he has a girlfriend already. Yeah. Of course he does. No-one that cute is going to be single.

'Hi boys.' The Receptionist was back. 'Yes, we have a court available in twenty minutes. Want me to book you in?'

'Yes please.'

'OK. All done. Court 2. For forty-five minutes. Have fun.'

'Great. Thanks.'

Ben and I smile at each other again. Damn, he's so sexy when he smiles.

'I need to go and get some different shoes and collect my racquet', I say. 'Maybe I'll get swimmers too. Probably fancy a cool-off after the game.'

'Good idea. I'll go do the same. Guess our apartments must be quite close together.'

As we set off towards the block, Ben suddenly puts his arm round my shoulder and gives me a squeeze.

'I'm so pleased to have met you, Toby. You seem like a really cool guy. I'm looking forward to hanging out with you. Maybe Mum and Dad were right about finding a friend.'

Then his arm drops away and we just walk along companionably together. But my heart's going at a million miles an hour. He just hugged me. Well, sort of. And boy, had it felt good. I want to hug him back. But the moment's gone. And the last thing I want to do is to spoil things.

It turns out that our apartments are at opposite ends of the same level of the building. 17 is the first door we come to, and I dive inside, put a T-shirt and a pair of trainers in a bag along with my swimmers and a towel and some shower gel. I pick up my racquet and throw a couple of squash balls into the bag as well, then head back out. There's no sign of Ben, so I walk down the corridor until I get to number 21. The door's open so I tap on it and poke my head inside.

'Ben?'

A voice from inside says:

'Toby? If that's you, come in.'

The inside of the apartment is pretty much a carbon-copy of ours. A couple of bottles of wine are on the table and I can still catch a faint smell of fresh coffee. Then Ben appears. He's put on a fresh shirt and is carrying a racquet. I catch a whiff of cologne as well.

'I'll show you round later. C'mon, let's go.'

As we leave the main entrance to the block, he turns to me.

'Race you.'

By the time I react, he's already a yard or so ahead of me, but I take off like a scalded rabbit and I'm soon level with him. It's only a couple of hundred yards to the squash courts and we're very evenly matched. We arrive virtually simultaneously. We turn and face each other and, without thinking, put our hands on each other's shoulders as we catch our breath. Our faces end up inches from each other, and I can feel his breath on my cheek as we both suck in lungfuls of air.

'You're quick,' he says.

'You too,' I reply.

'C'mon...let's see if we're that evenly matched on court as well.'

We head to the small changing room, where we dump our bags and then make our way to the court. It's clear from the warm-up that it's going to be close - but I reckon I have the edge. And so it turns out. Just. I win 3-2. As we make our way, exhausted, back to the changing room, we barely have enough energy left to speak.

'Damn that was close, Toby.'

'Oh man...sure was. I don't know how you can play squash that well, Ben, as well as tennis.'

'Guess I'm just super-talented,' he says with a big grin.

I laugh.

Once in the changing room we put our racquets away.

'Still fancy a swim?' I ask.

'You bet. Gonna take a quick shower first though. Need to get rid of all this sweat first.'

'Good idea.'

My God. I'm going to see him naked. I pray that my body will behave itself. What I definitely do not need is a raging boner in the shower.

We both strip unselfconsciously. One of the advantages of going to a Public school is that I'm used to stripping and seeing other guys naked in the changing rooms. Then, buck naked, he turns and faces me.

'Hey, take a good look. Checking each other out is what guys do, no? I'm sure going to take a good look at you.'

He says this with a huge grin on his face. It's impossible to take offence. Or read anything into it. But how does he do that? Where does he get the confidence from?

He's got a great body. Smooth, nicely toned. Neatly trimmed pubes. And his cock's a nice four inches or so. And circumcised. He does a little pirouette, arms above his head. He has little tufts of hair in his armpits.

'That's me. How about you?'

I smile and face him. Suddenly I feel OK about doing this. I see his eyes run up and down my body. Then back to focus on my groin for just a little longer. I do the pirouette thing.

'Good body, Toby.'

'Thanks. You too.'

We head into the showers. There are two sets of two shower heads facing each other. I take the first on the left. Ben takes the one beside me. I use the shower gel to soap myself all over. I use some on my hair too. Ben doesn't have any, so I offer it to him.

'Thanks, Toby.'

I watch as he soaps himself up. I see his hand run down the length of his cock and back up again. It's sensuous and it's more than I can bear. I turn my back to him, worried that he's seen see my sudden, incipient arousal. I try to think of something – anything – that will make it go fully soft again. I turn the water to fully cold. It's like ice, but it does the trick. Instant floppiness. I turn it back to warm again.

'Hey...why the cold burst?'

'Supposed to be good for the circulation,' I say.

I hope it's a convincing lie.

'Really? OK. I'll give it a try.'

He does the same.

'FUCK!…that's cold.'

He jumps out sideways from under the stream of icy water and his body crashes into mine. I put my arms out to steady him. They end up round his shoulders. His wet, slippery body is pressed up against mine. Just for a second. But I could swear his cock's half hard. He turns the tap back to hot and gets under the stream of water, his back turned towards me.

'Shit. Good for the circulation or not, I'm not doing that again.'

Then he turns round to face me. His cock is definitely thicker and longer than when I first saw it. He sees me looking at it.

'Umm, Toby. There's something I need to tell you. And I apologise for saying it here in the showers, but…if we're going to be friends – and I hope we are – you need to know. I'm gay. And you are dead sexy. And if you're going to be around me, I'm gonna get hard. Probably a lot. It's OK. I won't molest you or anything, you know, you're perfectly safe – but my body – and this thing in particular (and here he tugs on his cock) have a mind of their own. Hope you're OK with that.'

OK with that? Of course I'm OK with that. It's like some kind of fantasy come true. Man, I really, really wish I had his kind of confidence. Maybe some of it will rub off on me.

'Umm…yeah, sure. I'm just fine with that.'

I blush. I don't know what to say. I've never told anyone I'm gay. I'm scared. Ben notices.

'When I say, I won't molest you…I won't…unless you want me to.'

He says this last bit real quiet. I hear the question in the tone of his voice. I look up at him. I'm shaking a little.

'Want you to? Why would you think that?'

'I apologise totally if I'm wrong, Toby, but when I saw you looking at me in the café, my gaydar went clean off the scale. And when you were looking at me naked, there was something in your eyes. Like…hunger. And…maybe you were getting a bit…aroused just now? Am I wrong?'

I shake my head, silently.

'Hey, it's OK. I guess you're not…out?'

Suddenly I feel I can trust him. There's a dam inside me that needs to break. And it needs to break now.

'No, Ben,' I whisper, 'I'm not. No-one knows. No-one. Please don't say anything.'

I feel his hand on my shoulder.

'Of course I won't. But….I think we need to get out of here.'

He's right. His cock is visibly thickening. Mine too.

'You still want to swim…or…would you rather come back to my room and we can…talk?'

'Let's talk. Swim later maybe,' I say, with an attempt at a smile.

We go and dry off, quickly pulling on shorts to hide our arousal. We put on our T-shirts too, and then head for Ben's apartment. As we walk, he gives my hand a quick squeeze. I feel myself get even harder. Is this really happening?

In his bedroom, he sits on the bed and motions for me to sit beside him. I do. He takes hold of my hand again. It feels nice. Really nice. He puts his face close to mine.

'So talk. Ask me anything you want…or just kiss me.'

My head's whirling. Things are happening too fast. Aren't they? I've never kissed a boy. God I want to kiss him. But my brain is shouting at me to slow down. I don't know what to say. I know I'm a bit of a control freak. That side of me wins.

'Would you mind if we talked first? I mean, I think I'd really like to kiss you, but my head is full of…stuff…right now.'

'Cool. Ask away. And shy is kind of cute. Like the rest of you.'

He smiles. I blush like crazy.

'Umm…how long have you known you were gay, Ben?'

'Maybe three years, since I was 13. Actually maybe since I was 12. Yeah. Four years.'

'And you just…came out. As soon as you knew?'

'Pretty much. I was thirteen, I think. I told Mum and Dad. They weren't that surprised. They told me they loved me. That I was who I was. And the only thing they got intense about was that I 'played safe' as they put it.'

'Wow. Have you been with many boys. Do you have a boyfriend?'

'I've fooled around with a few boys…you, know, just jacking off. I had a proper boyfriend – my first - until quite recently. Abe. But he told me he didn't want the commitment. Last month.'

He sighs. Then continues.

'It sucks. It was after he'd been to Israel with his family for four weeks – they're Jewish. Abe…short for Abraham. When he came back he was…different. He said that while he'd been away he'd…been with several guys. He said sex was meant to be fun and he wanted to experiment. He said he'd already been with another boy from school since he'd been back. I didn't want to believe it. But deep down inside I knew it was true. Things hadn't been the same since he'd got back. So that was that.'

I can hear the hurt in his voice. I intuitively put my arm round his shoulder. He snuggles up closer.

'Were you with him long?'

'We first…did stuff…when I was thirteen. Jacking each other off at first but we quickly took to oral. Lots of it.' He smiles briefly. 'But we didn't become boyfriends until maybe six, seven months ago. We both wanted to…go further. But I'm not someone who wants to shag around, Toby. I mean, sex is fun - Abe was right - but I want more than that. I thought Abe did too. But now I think maybe he was just using me.'

'So you and Abe…went all the way?'

He nods.

I have to ask.

'Isn't being…fucked…painful?'

'A little. At first. But not if you take your time. How about you? You ever been with a boy?'

'Nothing like you've done. Just a wank buddy at school. That's it. That's why…this…is scary. Awesome but scary. I mean, I've never even kissed another boy.'

He smiles at me.

'It's easy. Like this.'

He leans in until his nose is touching mine. I feel his lips on mine and he kisses me. My first gay kiss. As he starts to move his head away, I push my lips back against his and kiss him in return. He presses his lips more firmly against mine. I feel the touch of his tongue against them. Instinctively I open up and let him inside. It feels wonderful. Out tongues touch. It's electric. Then his arms are round my shoulders and he's pulling me down onto the bed beside him. I feel his hands tugging at the base of my shirt. I lift my arms and let him pull it up and over my head. He pulls his own shirt off and then our bodies are touching. Flesh to flesh. I am now achingly hard and I can see from the bulge in his pants that Ben is too. He puts his hand against my hardness and squeezes. I unbutton my shorts as best I can and Ben pulls them off. My cock catches in the waistband and is pulled downwards. It springs up with a thwack against my stomach. We both giggle. Ben has shucked his shorts off too and we lie there, naked and erect. He takes hold of me. I am so ready that I come in less than ten seconds. It's embarrassing. My seed spurts all over his hand.

'I'm so sorry, Ben. I just…'

'Hey, it's fine. I'll take it as a compliment. And we've got lots of time. Next time will be slower – you'll see.'

Next time. I like the sound of that. And then to my amazement, he's lifting his hand to his mouth and licking a blob of my cum off his wrist.

'You eat that stuff?'

I see his face crease in puzzlement.

'Sure. You never tasted your own spoog?'

I shake my head. I'm clearly some sort of innocent. Then he smiles, and holds his hand out to me, one finger extended. It's covered in my cum. I look into his eyes and open my mouth. He slides the finger inside and I close my lips around it. He slowly pulls it back and I get to taste my seed for the first time. It's better than I imagined. A bit salty. A bit bitter. But OK. He cocks his head to one side as if in question. I nod. And then he's lying back against the pillow. Hands behind his head. Legs apart. I don't need a second invitation. This I've done. I wrap my hand round his hot, hard cock and masturbate him. It turns out that he doesn't last all that much longer than me. With a groan, a rope of white cum erupts from the tip and lands in a streak across his chest. Three more spurts follow. And then a dribble to finish. I look up at him and meet his eyes. He's smiling. And then I think…why not? I bend my head down to his chest and lick a splash of his cum off it. It tastes different from mine. But nice different. I run my finger through another puddle and hold it up to his lips. He sucks my finger into his mouth. He smiles. I sit back up beside him. We kiss. Time seems to stand still.

'So,' he says, eventually, 'you've never done oral either, then?'

I shake my head.

'Want to try?'

Oh man do I want to try.

'Cool. Lie back.'

I roll onto my back and spread my legs. The very thought of it has made me instantly hard again. He kneels between my legs and lowers his head. His hair flops forward and brushes over my stomach. I feel his tongue flick against the tip of my cock. Then he's rolling back the skin and I feel the warm wetness of his mouth engulf me. It is indescribably wonderful. He does all sorts of amazing things with his tongue and lips and even, gently, with his teeth. He squeezes my balls. I warn him that I'm about to cum but he just keeps going. I erupt into him. It's the best sensation I have ever felt in my life. He lifts his head up level with mine and kisses me again. I can taste myself in his mouth.

'Want to give it a go?' he asks.

I nod. He lays back, his cock rigidly erect. I wonder if being circumcised makes it any different. I decide to ask.

'Well, I'm in the odd position of having tried it both ways. I wasn't circumcised until I was fourteen. So when Abe and I first…did oral…I had a foreskin like you. But there was some medical problem with it. Way too tight. I was given the choice of either trying to have it stretched or removed. Being Jewish, Abe had been cut as a baby of course. We were best buddies. I thought it would be cool to be like him, and he was really keen on the idea too. So I opted for circumcision. And now Abe's gone anyway. Not that I regret it. I mean, it's cool to play with yours but I actually quite like mine the way it is now. I've kind of got used to it. Does it bother you?'

'No, not in the least.' I pause. 'In fact, and this probably sounds a bit odd, but I think it's quite…sexy. All sort of naked and ready for action. I actually find it quite a turn-on.' And I do. 'Is that weird?'

He smiles. A wicked grin.

'Anything that makes you or keeps you hard is going to be just fine by me.'

I smile back. Yeah. It's going to be just fine by me too. But my inner geek has one more question to ask.

'Did it take long to heal? Was it painful?'

'Sore for a couple of weeks. And no wanking for nearly six weeks. God, I nearly covered Abe in cum that first climax after all that time. But it doesn't feel much different, no.'

I smile. And move my head down to his groin.

With Ben's guidance, I give my first blow job. I really like the feeling of his cock in my mouth, and I try to reproduce all the things he'd done to me. I pull off before he comes, though. I'm not ready for that yet. He says it's fine. And that I've done a great job. He's really sweet. He wipes the cum off his chest with his T-shirt.

'Ready for a swim?' he asks.

'Yeah. And thanks, Ben. This has been amazing. We can…do this again sometime?'

'Anytime you want. In fact all the time, if we can. We still have nearly ten days of holiday here left.'

He grins. I grin back.

We go swimming and we horse around. After maybe half an hour we clamber out and go and lie on our beach towels beside the pool, basking in the rays of the sun. We take it in turns to rub cream into each other's backs. The touch of his fingers makes me hard. I stay lying on my front. Ben notices and lifts his body half way up on one side. I can see from the bulge in his speedos that he's hard too. We both giggle. Ben's parents wander over a little while later.

'Hey good to see you two are still hanging out. Who won the squash?'

'He did,' says Ben. 'He's bloody good.'

'It was very close,' I say.

'You two want an ice cream?'

Ben looks at me. I nod. They buy us a Magnum each.

'How about going and dipping our toes in the sea?' Ben suggests.

'Sure.'

Eating our ice creams, we walk down past the pool and out across the gardens to where a small, sandy path leads down to the private beach. The path winds through the shade of some palm trees and as we go out of sight of the apartments, Ben takes my hand. I hold it and give it a squeeze. I want to keep holding hands as we emerge onto the beach, but I'm too scared. Ben nods understandingly. We scuff our way through the soft sand until we reach the water's edge. The waves are small and lap gently up the shore when they break. I can't resist it and rush into the sea up to my knees. I scoop water up with both hands and flick it at Ben. He laughs and rushes towards me, throwing himself at me. We both topple over into the water, arms around one another as we fall. As we surface, we are both shaking our heads like dogs. We are also laughing helplessly.

'I don't know if you can fall in love with someone in an afternoon, Toby, but god…I think I love you.'

I smile. I don't say anything. But I feel the same.

No…I have to say it.

'I feel the same, Ben.'

There are times when silence says more than words. We sit and look at each other, the waves breaking gently around us. And the silence speaks loud, and long and eloquent. Eventually we haul each other up and head back towards the apartments. This time as we walk I hold Ben's hand all the way - and fuck what anyone thinks.

I'd like to stay longer with Ben, but it's time for me to go back to my room and get ready for dinner with the rest of the family. Inside the main entrance to the apartment block, I look around. I can't see anyone. I give Ben a kiss. He returns it. With interest. We agree to meet up again after dinner.

Back in my room, I hop into the shower to rinse off the salt water. I rinse out my T-shirt too. I'll put it on the balcony to dry. I step out of the shower, wrap a towel round my waist, and step into the bedroom. Paul's there. He must have got back while I was in the shower. He's wearing a pair of swimmers. It looks like he's just come up from the pool. Smells like it too.

'Hi Tobes. Good afternoon?'

'Very good, thanks. Met a really nice guy. We got on just great.'

'Yes, I know.'

I don't like the tone in his voice. I look up at him. He's got that look in his eyes. The one he uses when he's about to try and blackmail me into doing something I don't want to do. It doesn't happen very often…but when it does, he can be mean.

'What do you mean?'

'I saw you, Tobes. I mean…you two really get on VERY well, don't you? Don't worry…it doesn't matter to me whether you're gay or not, but it's not something you'd want Mum and Dad to know is it?'

'Gay? What do you mean?' I bluster.

My stomach has turned to ice.

'Look, mate, I've wondered for a while, but when I saw you two holding hands and then kissing, well…'

Shit. So the main entrance hadn't been as deserted as I thought. And why, in the name of all that's holy, did it have to be Paul who'd seen us.

'Please, Paul. Don't say anything. Please?'

He steps closer. And now I can smell the alcohol on his breath.

'Well, at least you're not denying it. Look, Tobes. I meant it. It doesn't matter to me one way or the other. But, you know, if we want to keep it from Mum and Dad, perhaps you could…do me a favour?'

'What do you mean?'

'Well…we all know gay boys give great head. And I'm missing Sarah like fuck…so how about you help your brother out?'

'What? You can't mean…no, Paul…that's wrong...and unkind and unfair. Please…tell me you're joking.'

'Oh come on Tobes. I bet you love it. I mean sucking guys off is what you gay boys do, isn't it. And it's not like I'm a stranger. Come on.'

He starts to undo the string of his swimmers.

'No, Paul. NO. Please! Please?'

'Oh come on. I won't come in your mouth, I promise.'

He pushes his swimmers to the floor, revealing what, under other circumstances, I might have regarded as a highly impressive erection.

'No. I won't do it, Paul. You can't make me.'

He steps over towards me and grabs me by the hair. He's stronger than me. He tries to force my head down.

'Suck me Toby. It's that or I tell them.'

I'm crying now. And then, God be praised, I hear the front door open and Dad calls out, 'Hi boys…you both there?'

'Shit,' says Paul, 'we'll talk about this again later.'

He releases me with a shove and by the time Dad pokes his head round the door a minute or two later he's respectably dressed as if nothing has happened.

'Hi guys. Dinner in fifteen. All OK?'

'Sure Dad,' says Paul.

I nod miserably and get changed into a clean linen shirt and a pair of smart shorts. I give myself a quick squirt of Acqua di Gio. I want to smell nice for Ben later. I try to ignore Paul. He's never treated me quite like this before and I'm scared. I don't know what to do. Maybe I can ask Ben.

Over dinner in the main restaurant, I tell Mum and Dad about Ben. Not the gay stuff, obviously, but about squash and swimming and how nice he is. Paul just looks at me and raises an eyebrow. I'm afraid he's going to say something, but he doesn't.

Mum says I must introduce Ben to her and Dad tomorrow. She's pleased I've found a friend.

After dinner I tell Mum and Dad that I'm going to meet up with Ben again. They say that's fine. I can't get away from Paul fast enough. But I know he'll be there waiting when I get back to our room. I'm frightened.

I'm just passing the pool on the way to Ben's apartment when I'm grabbed from behind.

'No Paul…' I say.

I turn…but it's not Paul, it's Ben. Relief floods over me.

'Hey Toby…you thought I was your brother? I hope you're pleased it isn't.'

You have no idea how much, I think. Ben grabs my arm and steers me into the pool attendant's cabin. He pushes the door shut behind him with one foot and wraps his arms round me. And then he's kissing me. I don't want it to stop. Ever. Then he grabs my crotch. I want him so badly. But it's too dangerous. I break the kiss. Reluctantly.

'We need somewhere safer, Ben. And I need your advice, too.'

'Spoilsport. But I guess you're right. Advice? Cool. OK, my apartment? My folks have gone to some event. They won't be back 'til maybe 10.30. '

We almost run to his room. By seemingly unspoken agreement, we strip and lie on the bed facing each other. I'm so hungry for him. I lower my head to his groin. But Ben stops me.

'It's even better if we do this to each other at the same time.'

I have so much to learn. Ben scooches round until we are lying head to toe. What follows is even better than what we'd done earlier. And then he brushes his finger over my hole. Fireworks go off. I seem to have caught some of Ben's confidence, so I do the same to him. He makes appreciative noises. And then we're cumming. And this time I don't pull off.

He comes back up and kisses me.

'Well, Toby, all I can say is that you're one hell of a fast learner. That was amazing. Now, before we do it again – if you'd like to, that is - what was it you wanted to ask me?'

The thought of Paul sends a wave of apprehension through me. I feel sick. And my cock which had been gently swelling again goes instantly floppy.

'It's about my brother.'

I tell Ben what happened. He's instantly sympathetic. He puts his arms round me.

'He'll be waiting for me when I get back, Ben. What can I do?'

My eyes are full of tears. Ben goes quiet. He's thinking.

'Well, Toby. I can think of two things. You'll probably like one better than the other. But maybe you should do both.'

I look at him. He kisses me gently, then speaks.

'First, you could tell your parents you're gay. Then what hold would Paul have over you? Second, I can ask my parents if you can sleep over with me. I know they'll say 'yes'. And then you won't have to face him. At least for tonight. But that won't solve the problem permanently.'

I feel a weight in the pit of my stomach. Tell my parents. I don't know if I can. But I also know that Ben is right. Ben can see my distress.

'I know it probably feels scary…the thought of telling your folks. But…well…they have to know sometime. And…I'm here for you. I really, really care about you, Toby.

He hugs me tight. I hug him back. And I think I'd rather tell my parents than have to face Paul. But what I do know for sure is that I'd definitely like to sleep over with Ben.

'I'm scared, Ben. But you're right. Umm…could I stay here tonight and then…go and tell my parents tomorrow?'

His face splits into a huge grin.

'Awesome. Hold on. I'll give Mum a call.'

He gets out his mobile and dials. His mother answers.

'Hi Mum. Would it be OK if Toby sleeps over with us tonight? If his folks say it's OK?'

I can't hear the reply, but from the smile on Ben's face I know what it must be.

'Woohoo. We get to sleep together. Unless you'd rather use the other bed?'

I give him a look. But then I realise I need to clear it with my parents too. It's my turn to get out my phone. Mum answers.

'Hi Mum. Ben's asking if it's OK if I have a sleep-over with him tonight. His parents say it's OK. I'd really like to. I'm fed up with Paul's snoring.'

I hear my mother laugh.

'That's fine, darling. Pop back and get some pyjamas and your toothbrush, OK?'

'Sure.'

I turn to Ben and give him the thumbs up. He has a big smile on his face. I tell him about getting pjs and a toothbrush. He says I won't be needing pjs. I grin. But I've said I'll go back and get some things, so I must. I don't want to face Paul. I hope he won't be there. I get dressed, give Ben a kiss and make my way down the corridor.

To my relief, when I get back to our apartment, Paul is out. I grab pjs – for the look of it – and a toothbrush. I also grab a clean T-shirt and my swimmers. The idea of an early morning swim with Ben has occurred to me. I'm back with him in less than five minutes.

He's lying on the bed, still naked. He's beautiful. I could easily make love to him again. But we now have all night. And it's still quite early. And I want to find out more about him. I suggest a walk along the beach.

'Ooh. Romantic. Why not? I mean, we've got all night now haven't we?'

Guess we think the same way. He quickly puts on a shirt and shorts, and grabs a sweatshirt too. I wish I'd brought one now. It gets cool in the late evening. Perhaps I need to go and get one. Ben just smiles and throws me one of his. We're the same size and it fits perfectly. And it smells of his scent, too, which is even better. We take the rear exit from the building and walk down the path to the beach. We hold hands. It's already getting dark, but I am aware of one or two other couples taking the evening air or just sitting on the sand. We walk down to the water's edge and feel the sea lapping round our feet. As the waves retreat, they suck the sand out from between our toes. Ben puts an arm round my shoulder. I want to know all about him.

'I don't even know where you live, Ben. I bet it's bloody miles away from me.'

'Near Reading,' says Ben.

Could be worse. Reading's less than an hour's drive from where I live. But I'm at school even closer. Less than five miles away. My heart lifts. I tell Ben the good news.

'Way cool. Maybe you can come and visit at weekends? I'm just at a local state school.'

'That would be great. I can get a bus from outside the school. If I'm free.'

Ben asks what I'm studying for A levels. Turns out we're both doing maths and physics. Another happy coincidence. Maybe we can study and revise together. If we're not doing something more… interesting. Ben tells me about his parents. His Dad's a teacher and his Mum works for the local council. He asks about mine.

'My Dad's an accountant. Well, actually he's the Finance Director for a company. My Mum helps run a local Charity shop.'

'You get on well with them?'

'Yeah. Mostly. They've always encouraged me to be happy as well as to work hard and all that. I know they love me and just want the best for me – even on the odd occasion when we don't see eye to eye.'

'You know, Toby…they'll almost certainly be just fine when you tell them…you know.'

I feel the weight in my stomach again. I put my arm around his waist and hold on to him tight.

'Hey, what's the worst that can happen?' Ben says, 'you said that they loved you.' He pauses. 'You know…it wouldn't surprise me if they didn't already half suspect. Parents are smarter than we like to think sometimes.'

'Maybe. But you're right. I need to tell them anyway. Today with you has been…magical. I want that always. And I can't have it if I can't be open about it.'

'See? You're halfway there already.'

By now we've reached the end of the beach. I turn round. It looks as though we have the whole place to ourselves now. I take Ben's hand and lead him a few steps up the beach before sitting down, my arm around his shoulder. The moon's making a silver line across the sea, stretching from the horizon directly towards us. I feel Ben's head on my shoulder.

'You're right, Toby. Today has been magical. Perhaps losing Abe was the best thing that could have happened to me. I mean, I know I barely know you but I just feel…so connected. And I don't make a habit of hopping into bed with guys I've met for just a few hours - well, never actually - but with you…it just felt…right. More than right.'

'It felt wonderful, Ben. I mean…all you did was show me what I knew I was…if you see what I mean. Yeah. I mean, it's all a bit scary but it's also such a relief. And you're so nice. Not just sexy – though you are – but I just feel so comfortable with you. Like I've known you for ages.'

My mind fills with images from earlier.

'Ummm…..and I think I really like sex too.'

He gives me a squeeze.

'Good. Because I hope we're going to have lots of that. Lots and lots.'

'Suits me.'

Ben puts his hand under my chin and holds my face up to his. We kiss. Long and slow. Then I feel him shiver.

'Come on. It's getting cold. Let's get back.'

We make our way back to his apartment. His parents are there.

'Been out for a walk?'

'Yes. We went along the beach. It's beautiful at this time of night. Moon lighting up the sea.'

I see his parents look at each other.

'Thank you for letting me sleep over,' I say.

'Our pleasure. It's lovely to see Ben happy again. If you boys want a snack before bed, help yourselves.'

'Thanks, Mum,' says Ben, 'but I think we're both ready for bed.'

I think I see another glance pass between his parents, but it might be my imagination. Either way, I follow Ben out of the room and down the short corridor to his bedroom. He shuts the door behind us.

'Do your folks think we're having sex?' I ask.

'I don't know. Probably. But don't worry, it's fine. They knew about Abe and me. He stayed over from time to time. And anyway, you heard them, they're pleased that I'm happy again. And that's down to you. And you do make me happy. Very, very happy.'

Then he grabs me and what follows is entirely predictable. Our clothes end up strewn all over the floor and we devour each other. That's the only word for it. Over and over.

I fall asleep in Ben's arms and in his bed. I'm sticky, exhausted…and unutterably happy.

I wake to the sound of birdsong outside the window. I look at my phone. Six o'clock. I need to pee. I disentangle myself from Ben, who just sighs and then rolls over on his back. He has a stiffy but, tempting as it is, I just cover him with a sheet and look for my underwear. I don't want to be caught wandering naked round the apartment if his parents hear me. I pull up my briefs, tiptoe across the corridor, and empty my bladder in a long, satisfying stream. I pull the flush and make my way back to Ben. I get back into bed, taking care not to wake him, and then cuddle up close to him. He turns in his sleep and throws an arm over my chest. I kiss him gently on the forehead and settle my head deeper into the pillow. I think I'm in heaven. I fall asleep within seconds.

When I next awake, it's to a gentle tapping on the door. I quickly throw back the covers on the other bed before walking over and opening the door. It's Ben's Mum with two cups of coffee. I realise I'm still only wearing my briefs.

'Oh, is Ben still asleep?' she says, peeking over my shoulder.

'No,' comes a sleepy voice from behind me. 'Well, not quite. Thanks for the coffee Mum.'

'That's fine. No rush. Your father and I are going out for the day. Will you two be alright together?'

'We'll be just fine, Mum.'

'OK, dear. See you later. And Toby, if you want to sleep over here with Ben, you're welcome. Every night if you want.'

And with that, she's gone. And it's pretty clear that she knows exactly what our relationship is. And she doesn't mind. I know Ben said they wouldn't, but I'm still getting used to the idea. Then I realise that not only am I virtually naked, but I also have a streak of dried cum all down my chest. Brilliant.

Ben, meanwhile, has got out of bed, still stark naked, and thrown open the windows as wide as they'll go. Silhouetted against the sky, he looks good enough to eat. I go over and put my hands round his waist. He leans back into me.

'So…we have all day on our own. Any ideas?' he asks.

'Lots of ideas. Mostly involving us and no clothes.' I drop my hands briefly into his groin and give his cock a squeeze. 'But I need to get the 'telling my parents' thing out of the way first. If it's hanging over me, I won't be able to enjoy anything else.'

He turns to face me.

'Well good for you. Do you want me to come with you?'

I shake my head.

'That's kind, but I think I need to do this on my own. Just be there for me afterwards.'

'Afterwards and for ever Toby.'

A little frisson of pleasure runs down my spine. He kisses me.

'Now, we both need a shower and then I'll fix us some breakfast.'

The shower's really only big enough for one, but that doesn't stop us sharing it. We soap and rinse one another off and, of course, get thoroughly aroused in the process. We settle for jacking each other off, our cum swirling down the plughole with all the suds. We dry off and dress, and then Ben finds a fresh baguette that his parents had obviously been out and bought, along with butter, jam and orange juice. We finish the whole baguette off between us. And then it's time.

'Wish me luck,' I say.

'I just know it will be fine, Toby. And I'll be here waiting.'

I have butterflies in my stomach as I open the door to our apartment. Mum and Dad are both sitting in the kitchen. There's no sign of Paul.

'Hi, Toby,' says Dad, 'Hope you had a good sleep-over, but there's something we need to talk to you about.'

'Oh, OK, Dad…but me first. Please?'

I know that if I don't say it now - right now - I'll bottle it.

'Go ahead,' says my father, a note of curiosity in his voice.

'Mum, Dad, I need to tell you…I need to tell you…that I'm gay.'

I see my parents look at each other.

'Please don't be angry. It's just…how I am.'

My mother gets up and comes over to me. She puts a hand on my shoulder.

'Of course we're not angry Toby. And thank you for telling us. It must have taken a lot of courage. And, well, oddly enough, that's what we wanted to talk to you about anyway.'

'Talk to me about it? Why?'

'It's just something Paul said. He said he saw you and…Ben, is it?...holding hands and kissing yesterday.'

Paul. The bastard.

'We don't mind, Toby, really. We just want you to be sure…and to be safe.'

Relief washes over me. They're fine with it. Things are going to be alright. I look at my father.

'It's fine, Toby. In fact, it's not a total surprise.'

I'm relieved and happy. But I can't forgive Paul. I want them to know.

'I just wish Paul hadn't said anything. I was going to tell you today. Well, you can see I was.'

'Yes, we can see that.'

'But do you know why he told you? Do you?'

'No. Why? What do you mean darling?'

'Yesterday. In our room. When I got back. After I'd left Ben. After he'd seen us. He wanted me to…he threatened me, Mum. He said if I didn't want him to tell you, I had to…he wanted me to…he tried to make me…'

I'm now crying. Mum puts her arms round me. My father is asking me exactly what I mean. I look up at him.

'He said I had to...you know… give him…give him…a blow job. Else he'd tell you. That's why I slept over with Ben. I didn't want to come back here. I was afraid.'

'Oh my poor boy. I'm so sorry. How dare he. Your own brother.'

'I think he'd had too much to drink, Dad. But he scared me.'

'Right. I'll sort this out with him later, don't you worry. In the meantime can I endorse what your mother said. It was brave of you to tell us – and we love you every bit as much as we've always done. You're our son and we're proud of you.'

He comes over and puts his arms round me. I have Mum on one side and him on the other. I'm still crying. But these are tears of relief and happiness.

'Come and sit down. I'll make you a cup of coffee,' my mother says.

She puts the kettle on, pours coffee into a cafetiere and, once the kettle's boiled, fills the cafetiere up with water. She gives it a stir before plunging it. She pours all three of us a mug. She adds milk. She looks into my eyes. Then she speaks, very gently, to me.

'So you and Ben are more than just friends? I'm not criticising, love, not for a moment…but it's all happened….very fast…hasn't it?'

I nod. I can scarcely believe it myself.

'I…we…are pleased you're happy, Toby. We just want to be sure that…you're not being taken advantage of. Is Ben…very...experienced?'

'No. Yes. No. Well, more than me. A bit. But he's lovely, Mum. And he's not taking advantage of me. He's so nice. I know you'll like him. You do still want to meet him, don't you? Please don't stop me seeing him. Please?'

'Of course you can still see him, Toby. Heavens, you're sixteen, you can see who you like. But if he's your first…special friend…then of course we'd like to get to know him.'

I look up. I see only love in my parents' eyes. This is as good a time as any.

'Can I go and get him? Now? He's waiting. Waiting to see how…things went. Waiting for me.'

'Of course, love. Go and get him. That would be lovely wouldn't it, Sam?'

My father nods.

I almost run from the room. I burst into Ben's apartment. He suddenly looks concerned.

'Toby? Your eyes. They're all red. You've been crying. Is everything all right?'

'Oh yes, Ben. It's fine. They're fine. Everything's fine. Well, almost. I told them about Paul. Maybe I shouldn't have. But I want him to pay, Ben. He'd told them about us. So I told them what he wanted me to do to him. But they'd really like to meet you, Ben. Is that OK? Like, right now.'

I see the look in his eyes.

'No, no, no. It's fine. Really fine. They don't hate you or blame you or anything. They just want to meet you. To get to know you. To meet their son's boyfriend. Is that OK?'

I don't know where that word came from. And I'm suddenly worried it's not how Ben sees us. Not what he wants. But then I see Ben smile. A big, big smile.

'I'd be proud to be your boyfriend, Toby. No I AM proud to be your boyfriend. Come on then, introduce me.'

We both go back to my apartment. I introduce Ben, who is charm personified. We talk for maybe half an hour. At the end I know my parents love him almost as much as I do. They can see him for what he is; a charming, kind, lovely boy who loves their son. They tell us to go and enjoy ourselves. I ask if it's OK to spend the night at Ben's place again. My parents look at each other and shrug.

'If that's OK with Ben's parents, it's fine with us. I can understand that you don't want to share with Paul. And it's lovely to have met you, Ben. You'll always be welcome.'

'It's lovely to have met you too,' says Ben.

'I'm sure you two have lots planned,' says my father, 'and don't worry about joining us for dinner tonight, Toby, unless you – or both of you - would like to. Go and enjoy yourselves.'

He smiles. Ben and I just grin at each other. We've got a licence to spend all day and all night together. We can't wait.

We grab the opportunity with both hands.

Ben starts by trying to improve my tennis, but I'm truly hopeless. After I've hit the twelfth ball clean over the wire, we give up and go swimming instead. We get a pizza for lunch. Fresh and crisp from the on-site pizzeria. Then we spend the afternoon in bed. We simply can't keep our hands off each other. At some point he asks me if I'd like to fuck him. I say I'd like to try anything and everything. He shows me how to get us both clean and ready. He guides me into him and my sexual education and repertoire is extended. But I think I'm actually just as happy with oral. I ask him if he wants to be inside me. He asks if I'm sure. I am. But it hurts. A lot. So we stop and go back to doing what we know we both enjoy. Ben says there's no hurry. I'm pleased.

Much later, as I lie there in his arms, he asks me what I'd like to do for dinner. Do I want us both to join my parents?

'No,' I say, 'it's a kind thought Ben, but I have to deal with Paul first.'

'I understand,' he says, 'and that's fine, because I know that my parents would love us both to eat with them tonight. Dad's a great cook. Judging from the contents of the fridge, he's got something special lined up – if that's OK with you. They'd love to get to know you better as well. But there's no pressure, Toby. We can go and eat somewhere just the two of us if you'd prefer.'

I think about it. On our own sounds nice…but maybe I owe Ben some time with his folks. After all, my parents got to have a nice chat with him this morning. I understand his folks might feel the same about me. I run my hand over his chest.

'Let's eat with your parents tonight. Maybe we can be just the two of us tomorrow?'

'Perfect. I really want them to get to know you…so they see just how lucky I am.'

'Hmmm…not sure about that,' I say.

He just kisses me. Then a thought pops into my head.

'Umm…I need to go and get one or two things if I'm going to be sleeping here regularly. Or at least sharing your bed. Don't know how much sleeping will be happening.'

Ben giggles.

'Why don't you go and do that now, then,' he says, 'get it out of the way. I'll still be here when you get back.'

I throw on my T-shirt and shorts, and head back to my room. And…I find Paul waiting for me. I feel the bile rise in my throat. Then I see the look in his eyes. He's been crying, I think. He looks up at me from where he's sitting on the bed.

'Toby, I am so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I had too much to drink – but that's no excuse. What I said and did was unforgiveable. And to you of all people. You are the sweetest, kindest bro anyone could have. And I'm sorry for telling Mum and Dad. They've told me in no uncertain terms just what they think of me. But they didn't need to. I was already hating myself. I hope eventually, perhaps, you'll be able to forgive me. But I am so, so sorry.'

I look at him. I should still hate him. But I'm no good at grudges. And I do like Paul. Mostly.

'What you did was horrible Paul. But…consider yourself forgiven.'

Then a wicked thought occurs to me.

'…nice stiffy, incidentally.'

His head snaps up. He can't believe what I've just said. Neither can I actually. Some of Ben has definitely rubbed off on me. But he sees me grinning. He gives a half-laugh and a little shake of his head. I hold out a hand. He smiles. He takes my hand and shakes it.

'I don't deserve you, Tobes. Thank you.'

'No, you don't. And you definitely owe me one. A big one.'

And he does. But having Paul back onside feels good…

…which makes just about everything…

…just about perfect.

And Ben.

He's just perfect too.

I grab the things I've come back for, and run back to his room.

He's still lying there.

Arms wide open.

Just waiting for me.

Iomfats.org

What a difference a day makes

by c m

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