Discovering Love
Written by Rick Beck
Chapter 50
Alone Together
It's odd how things are never what they seem. For months I had been alone with Greg and it seemed as though it was the greatest thing in the world. I never realized how aware I was of the door of his room that might be swung open at any second in the day or night.
Certainly before Greg was laid-low in his hospital room, there had been no way to be truly alone with him. His minions came and went at will, needing him at any given time, and disappearing just as swiftly once they got what they came for. For the first time we were really alone together. I expected no one to burst through the door and be aghast at our proximity.
Greg assured me he had been careful to make sure that all the pieces were in place that would give us a weekend alone, after the coming home ceremony that he orchestrated for himself. The only real surprise came when everyone left but me. Until that moment in time, I didn't know which way it would go. I didn't know if Greg, who was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, might discard me as a necessary evil that he indulged so he wasn't without sexual resources.
Oh, there are some things you can't disguise or deny, and Greg was more than a sexual opportunist taking it where he could get it. I knew this in my heart but then again, I didn't live only in my heart, though I gladly would have if Greg was there. I didn't need anyone in my world but him and I could have totally devoted myself to him, but if that was a sure way to run him off.
Greg and I were different and we came from different worlds. He had been raised in a cocoon filled with nurturing and loving, while he was allowed to indulge himself in any way he desired. He was never allowed to get completely out of hand but he wasn't held so tightly that he wasn't able to explore who and what he was. Greg was a product of a loving family who wanted him to become who he was destined to be and nothing less. Greg's parents doted on him as they doted on Doug, but in an entirely different way, like they were two individuals that had different needs for them to grow strong and wise.
I had been born into discipline, the curse of a German family, and my family had never discovered love, creativity, or indulgence. My life operated on an inviolable schedule and its attending demands. I knew better than to be late or to fail to perform to the standards that had been set forth for me. Additionally, I should never expect a compliment or to have satisfaction expressed concerning anything I was expected to do.
Only, the part that really fucks up a child, the standards were fluid and only my parents knew what they were. One day I would be severally punished for failing to do something I was told to do and had failed to do, or I simply hadn't performed up to that days standards, which being fluid and constantly in flux, and so I never knew what was expected until I got punished for failing to perform. I was always being punished as I was always on my parent's shit list for as far back as I could remember. I suspected my parents didn't like me very much and I didn't have much use for them. One day, when I was thirteen or fourteen, our worlds had irreparably split, never again would they have complete control over me body and soul.
I suppose the best way to describe this is that I simply didn't care what they thought about me any more. I no longer tried to please them or to do as they asked. I simply did what I pleased, took the heat when it came, ignoring their disapproval as much as a son can ignore his parent's displeasure.
Greg's parents were as foreign to me as if they had come from the moon. I was amazed at their unconditional acceptance of their offspring. Just listening to them talk was a joy for me. Of course I wished that I could communicate with my parents but of course I knew I couldn't by the time I met Greg's. It still amazed me to see their interactions, like they were all separate, independent, and equal units of life, entitled to their own likes, dislikes, and opinions. How weird was that?
I suppose it is another reason why the following chapters were made easy to live if not easy to write about now. With my experience, and not trusting any adult, each experience with Greg's parents was a new experience to me and I never knew what to expect from them. I kept waiting for them to become like my parents but they never did.
Greg slept all day Saturday, well, that is not totally correct because we slept little Friday night. We both slept late Saturday morning until afternoon, and I brought him breakfast, a half dozen soft scrambled eggs with toast and coffee and juice. He ate half the eggs before handing them over to me and I gobbled them down, keeping up my strength. He watched me cleaning up the television room and fell asleep before I had finished. I crawled back into bed with him and turned up the heat and we once again rode his wild wind until he was sleeping again. How he could go to frantic orgasm to total rest, I don't have a clue, but he'd be cumming one minute and snoring the next.
During these couple of days there was no way to keep track of each and every encounter because one seemed to blend into the next and then there was sleep, eating, and then we were at it again, uninhibitedly tormenting the other's body to points of absolute bliss, followed by a sudden and complete exhaustion. A couple of times I was sure I might not recover at all, just orgasm myself into another universe, another reality, but as long as Greg was attached to me, I didn't care. I didn't care about anything that weekend but him.
We did watch movies Saturday evening and no one came over, which was a surprise. I figured now that his cronies knew he was back, they'd want to hang with him as they did when they were all sixteen, but they didn't. Greg told me that they all had lives of their own now and most were married or seeing someone in a serious way, and that didn't leave a lot of time for reminiscences about a past they didn't feel comfortable revealing to their intended.
It seemed to me to be dangerous that boys who took favors from other boys should be totally silent on the subject, when it came to their girlfriends. I knew the dangers and I knew these boys rarely were cautious, giving into the moment, even after promising themselves they wouldn't, and never waking up worried that they had gone too far, too often, with too little to stand between them and disaster. Unfortunately the same was true for their girlfriends, only they had no knowledge of what the disaster might be.
No, their motto seemed to be, "We're young and we're free and invulnerable, so we push the outer edges of the envelope without risk or fear. Why complicate your life by telling your woman, oh by the way, my love, I suck cock and take it up the ass from time to time, but have no fear, it isn't often, and it's usually with reluctance, at first anyway. So you see, there really isn't anything to worry about."
And so everyone had gone back to their lives, leaving me to nurse Greg in the privacy of his families television room. I was amazed at how totally inactive he was, managing to get to the bathroom to take a pee once on his own, but using the Kraft Mayonnaise bottle that I had placed by his bed after that, being too exhausted by the trip that took him all of fifteen feet there and fifteen feet back. All things were relative.
Not wearing anything at all left him to hang free and I could admire that which I had been attending to for months on end, and for the first time in Greg's life, he hadn't changed partners, even when it was possible for him to do so, but instead of getting what he wanted off her and then cutting her loose, he'd cut her loose without receiving any satisfaction from the female persuasion. It offered me hope that I could compete but not a lot.
It's what troubled me most. He'd meet some sweet young thing and fall victim to his raging hormones and be unable to resist the idea of satisfying her with his abundant talent. Greg was as queer a queer as I was. I worshipped him because he was a man and I had no desire for him to act like a woman, nor did I want to put on a dress and a wig so he could pretend I was what it was he knew he should want. We'd both had some work to do on that and what it really meant to love.
Maybe it wasn't so clear as the folks in charge would have us believe. Perhaps we all had flexibility built in, just in case it was needed, sex being the all powerful drive it is.
Greg had moved on from childhood dalliances, going off into the world to find his way. He'd pretty much ignored his old friends, rarely coming around, but in one brutal moment Greg had been drawn back to the world he had forsaken. He was suddenly in need to a dose of the old medicine that kept him going throughout his adolescent years. He was convinced, as all the boys seemed to be convinced, that's in the past, and I'm moving on.
Greg had come home and I was there to reinforce all the things he learned and did while he was in that house. There wasn't a way for him to deny our familiarity with any conviction, and so he didn't. He accepted that the past was present and he was Greg and would make the best of his circumstances. No matter what it was that had brought us together in the beginning, it was my love for him that held us together through the dark days. I could no more have left him than I could have stopped breathing. There would have been the same result in those days, when we were finally alone together for the first time.
Of course Greg had to go back and our time was limited and so we made the most of it in a way we couldn't back in the hospital room with the revolving door that couldn't be deterred. Each time I thought, he was too tired or he had had enough, he hadn't. Greg was a better man than I was, but on that first weekend home, I stayed with him because I perceived it was what he needed, and if nothing else, I was there to see he got what he needed, not that I had any complaints.
By Saturday night each union was labored as he sweat himself into submission and collapsed to regroup until he was ready to go again. He held me close in-between times, and the room was a good temperature for his sweat to cool me as the heat sizzled from our bodies. I can't count the times I awoke to his amorous intentions, because I was on automatic pilot by Sunday morning, responding like Pavlov's dog when the bell rang, ready to go another round, not knowing of any limits when came to Discovering Gregory.
I might have been worn out about half the times he wanted to get to it, but it didn't take long for my ardor to catch and pass his. I think even Greg was surprised that he hadn't been able to wear me out. Of course he'd been flat on his back for months on end, while I had been waiting for a time like this to arrive.
Once again I fed him the eggs he thought were "great." I had to make some for myself after he polished off the half dozen I put in front of him. At noon he appeared in the pantry as I was doing dishes that I had left alone for the weekend. I didn't want his mom coming home to find a mess, although I was anxious to escape before his parents and Doug returned. He was covered with the pajama bottoms, but no top yet, and his chest seemed to still have all the lines, even though he was doing little to maintain since he had fallen ill.
"We need to get out of here before they come back. It'll go bad on me no matter when I need to explain myself, coming home and not telling them. They'll be a little hurt and a little angry that they weren't here to spend time with me. You understand why I did it this way?"
"Yes," I said, feeling absolutely worn out and hoping he didn't present with another erection before I could get him back to the hospital. My orifice was all but off its hinges, strained and soar from the hours of oral stimulation he required. My other end wasn't fairing all that much better but I'd succeeded in getting him off with my mouth most of the time. He wasn't able to hold off the way he once was, and if I got him to a certain point, he gave in to my stimulation and gave up his load, never hesitating to kiss long and deep once the deed was done.
Greg had changed in a lot of ways and he loved me and I loved him. I didn't doubt that. I simply wasn't sure that being such different people might not prevent us from experiencing an enduring love. Although I knew I would always love him, because love doesn't go away, not when it's real love, I didn't know where it would lead, and I really didn't care that weekend. That weekend was mine and we'd made the best of it. I continued to do what I had promised myself I'd do when Greg was first injured. I'd never look back and think I could have done more, I could have loved him more, I could have given him more, because I couldn't. He had it all, or a least all I had to give him.
It was three o'clock and we were sitting at the dinning room table playing cards, Rummy I think, stalling off our inevitable departure as long as possible. I know I was nervous and I had asked him what time he wanted to leave at least a dozen times, and the answer was always the same, "Soon."
"How soon?"
"Between four or five. They never come back until six. I just hate going back to that place. You don't know how much this weekend has meant to me, Martin. You don't know how badly I want to stay here with you."
"I can imagine. Just remember it's only for a little while now. You can come home on the weekend until you are finally well enough to stay home."
"Yeah, right, and my mother will pamper me and be constantly there. We won't get any privacy until I get this damn cast off and then we can sleep up in my room."
"We had more privacy this weekend than we've ever had. Be thankful for what we have not for what we don't have. You could be staying up in that hospital for months on end, but you aren't, you'll be home soon, and I'll be here as often as you want."
"Be here as often as I want? You're going to stay here with me. I can't stay here alone, Martin. My mother will drive me crazy without you around to protect me."
"We'll see," I said, having my own parents to deal with..
"The hell we will. You're staying up here. Tell your parents I'm helpless without you. Tell them I'll die if you don't stay with me. Tell them they don't have a choice unless they want to be responsible for my death."
"I don't tell my parents anything. They'll either go along with it or they won't and if they won't they'll raise holy hell. I don't know what else to tell you. If they say no I don't want to start trouble for your parents."
"I'll get mom to talk to them. She loves you. She thinks you're her long lost son, delivered by mistake to the people that raised you."
"I wish," I said, lamenting for what I knew.
Just as he reached his hand across the table to put it on top of mine, giving me that soulful look with those so soft blue eyes, the crunch of gravel distracted him and the look on his face wasn't good.
"Oh shit! I'm fucked," Greg observed, sliding his hand back to his side of the table and slumping down in the chair.
The baby blue Galaxy came to rest right in front of the two huge windows in the dinning room. Greg's mom sat looking up at the windows for a long time before she slipped out of the car, carrying her purse and some other items. I sat unsure of what happened next, but it didn't take long to find out. The back door slammed with an echo that reverberated through the house.
Greg's mom stormed the kitchen with all the subtlety of Patton storming Sicily. She neither looked at us nor did she speak as she charged out of the kitchen and turned down the hall toward the television room and her bedroom. When she entered her bedroom the door slammed with another house shaking rattle.
"I'm fucked."
"Tell me about it. Do you think she's pissed?"
"I think I've never seen my mother this mad. I figured I'd be lectured and they'd explain all the reasons why I don't do things like this, but she's seriously pissed off."
And so it was. I was suspended there between mother and son as she proceeded to rampage through the house. For one solid hour she banged, slammed, and threw anything she came in contact with, but luckily she steered clear of the two of us, probably out of fear she might do us serious bodily harm.
All Greg and I could do was sit there and wait for her to calm down. I'd never seen anyone that angry, especially not Greg's mom.
Finally at a little after four, she dragged a chair up to the table and sat upon it, looking at Greg and then me and then Greg again.
"Okay, you want to tell me about it?"
The little girl voice was reassuring to hear but I still wasn't convinced we would escape with our lives. Greg sat silent for a minute and I thought he was going to wait for me to explain what we were up to, but he finally spoke.
"I didn't want to upset your weekend. I found out I could get a pass. I asked Martin to bring me home."
"Martin, you should know better. Of all the people I trusted with this walking disaster area, it was you. I am certainly disappointed in you."
So much for being her long lost son.
"It wasn't him. He didn't know anything about it until he came up Friday. I didn't tell him either. I just wanted a few days to myself."
"Gregory," she exclaimed, and that was the kiss of death for him. "Do you know what can happen to someone incapacitated in a house all alone? What if you had fallen down and there was no one around? What if something happened, a fire, anything, and you had to get out of the house in a hurry? My God, what were you thinking."
"I didn't leave him alone. I was with him the entire weekend? I wasn't about to leave him alone, once I knew you were at the mountain house."
I spoke up not sure I should risk opening my mouth to get between mother and son, but I did anyway.
"Thank God for small favors. I was picturing him here all alone and all the things that could happened. Thank you, Martin. That was my only concern. I'm not mad at you but the jury is still out on my first born son. Don't ever pull a stunt like this again."
"I'm sorry, mom," Greg said, and she got up and hugged him for a long time, looking relieved to find out that he hadn't been in the house alone.
There were tears in both of their eyes when they broke the clench. Greg tried to look away so I couldn't see him cry but his mother wasn't so proud.
"Well, what have you two boys been up to?" She said, not having a clue what she was asking us. I leave this one to Greg. I knew a loaded gun when I was handed one.
"Just being free, mom. Just enjoying fresh free air and not being poked, prodded, or in other way having my body interfered with."
"When do you have to be back, dear?"
"Supposedly tonight by eight. That's what the pass is for."
"That's all well and good, my dear, but you aren't in the Air Force, and Dad'll get that straight and he'll take you back in the morning when he goes to the base. He'll want to spend some time with you and then he can find out how often we can have you here with us and you too, Martin. You seem to be the only one who can handle him. Lord knows I've never had any control over him. Thank you again for not leaving my crazy son her alone. I envisioned every conceivable tragedy known to man, once I knew he'd been here alone."
"I would have never left him alone," I said.
"No, he wouldn't leave me alone," Greg protested, sounding somewhat put out but smiling at me with that twinkle in his eye and I knew what he meant and it was true. I can't imagine his mother not being able to see the love in my eyes for her son. She had to know but it wasn't something I could ask her about.
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