Discovering Love

Written by Rick Beck


At the time of this story I'd pretty much decided our culture didn't include me. When listening to those who condemn me and those like me, I couldn't figure out how they were so sure of the facts they use to condemn so many to eternal damnation for failing to fit the neat little mold they promote. Then I remembered what my Great Aunt Marie told me when I was twelve,

"There are only two kinds of people, those who say they are good and those who get caught."

It's one of the few pieces of information I was given about sex and sexuality that I haven't forgotten or dismissed as poppycock. She only mentioned this reality after she realized I had overheard a group of good church going women talking about the rape of a young girl I knew and how she had brought it on herself by being attractive and dressing to show herself off. It seemed to me righteous church ladies were nearsighted at best.

When I was first confronted with exploring my sexuality, I embraced the opportunity. Since I could never be acceptable, why make the effort? I was more interested in finding out the truth about myself. I didn't have time to play pretend games in order to convince people who didn't give a damn about me that I was like them.

I do remember a time when the biggest worry for boys was rejection or an inability to get it up at the appropriate time, a problem I've yet to encounter, although if there is a converse, I am he. The only other big question that plagued me in those days of discovery, who eats brussel sprouts anyway?

Mostly I wanted to love and to be loved and being fifteen didn't much matter to me. In my mind I had been alone and lonely for long enough. If you doubt me on this, try it for fifteen years and judge for yourself. When I first saw Greg, I knew the drought was over and he was the boy I would fall in love with, and I love him still.

It all started after school while I was walking on a road that took me to my neighborhood, but in reality I was about to enter the Twilight Zone where I would find Greg waiting for me, and our lives would never be the same.

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