Book 1: Billie Joe's Journey

by Rick Beck

Chapter 17

Nothing Left to Give

There was a knock on the door. I sat straight up, forcing Gene off my chest.

"What?" I said, for lack of anything else.

"I would like to prepare breakfast for you boys."

"Ah, come in. I mean it's your house."

The door opened and he stood there in white shorts and a white T-shirt. He filled them both completely. There were white socks and white sandals on his feet. He smiled pleasantly as he saw Gene's naked body face down on the bed.

"You have a mighty nice friend there. Don't let him get away from you."

"I won't," I said, putting my hand on Gene's back.

"I know you probably want to sleep all day, but mother's got to shop and do some chores. I can fix breakfast before dropping you boys. Eggs, French toast, bacon, and sausage. It will be ready in maybe half an hour. You have time for another shower, a nap, or whatever it is two young boys do to each other. There should be just enough time for that. Then I'll drop you back in the Castro."

"Fine. We'll be out in a few minutes."

"Very nice. Enjoy!"

He closed the door easily. I rolled my body onto Gene's back and kissed his neck and studied his warmth. His face turned in a superhuman effort as his eyes refused to open. His lips were ruby red and thick as he puckered them for some expectant result. I used my lips on him and rubbed myself on his body. His eyes opened in squinting protest of the new day.

"Fuck!" he said, too loud.

"We only have thirty minutes. Twenty seven now." "Fuck you! That's not what I meant."

"First time. I thought that's all you thought about." "You're fault. Not mine."

"Right. You're dreaming. You forget I saw you that first night."

"You can't fool me. You're the only person I know wants it more than me. I figured you out. You always point the finger at me, but who's the one always sticking out for attention."

"Secret's out, huh? I'm a fucking pervert. Caught at it by an expert pervert. I don't know what day it is any more. My birthday is soon. I'm not even certain how old I am anymore."

"It is. Doesn't matter how old you are, we'll have a party. Can't pass up a chance to party. Some of the gang will have busted loose by then. We'll all take a crack at you for your birthday. Even Tim and Tony would do it for a birthday. They're worth it. Damn great bodies on them two. I keep waiting for them to want it. They don't even know I'm alive. Tony does touch me, though. He's got that little boy meat on him. He loves the feel of a man in his fingers. He acts like it's no big deal, but I seen his eyes and what it does to him when he feels me up."

"I watched them doing it one night. I wanted to do it with them. They are hot! So fucking clean. They're like the quarterback and the tight end on the high school football team."

"You been to high school. You are old. They usually just touch and hug like they can't keep their hands off each other when I'm around. What did they do?"

"Everything. The last night I was with Ty. They really seemed like they loved each other to me. They were in the other bed and didn't know I was awake. It was beautiful seeing them together. Not much beautiful out there these days."

"I always thought they were too chummy for straight guys. They try to be around Sharon all the time, but Tony loves to touch me. I figured him for gay, but he hardly does anything with anyone unless Sharon's in on it. Then he's touching and feeling up everyone she does it with. He's got to be gay. Puts on a show for Timmy. That's all."

We took a quick shower and fought off the urge. He dried my hair and I dried his. I looked at us together in the mirror, and I thought we looked good together. I noticed all his freckles for the first time. His hair had a red tint that reminded me of his manhood that was always a glowing red excitement I wasn't capable of ignoring. I dried him there and admired the low hanging equipment as he stared at my hands working on him. I kissed the tip and he moaned, wanting more. I used my tongue until I forced him to grab the toilet for support. I dropped it, and hugged him so it stood up between us and pressed into my stomach. He kissed me, and I told him it was time to eat and stroked him to keep him close to me. He gave me a clever little smile. I knew what he was thinking. I was thinking the same thing, but we could smell breakfast by this time. It was a tough choice. We got dressed.

Jonathan served us as though he enjoyed the company. He treated us nice. He did stare long and hard at Gene. He never touched him again, and he never got close to him. He just seemed to enjoy looking at his boyish face. I could appreciate that. I liked looking at him too. We held hands in the car, and Jonathan said under his breath,

"Cousins. Right! Cousins in love."

"Thanks for everything, Jonathan. I'll be here this afternoon and tonight. I'll be here early tomorrow. You want another date, it would be okay."

"Maybe tonight or in the morning. I've got some things. Only one of you this time, Gene. I let you take your lover last night. He needed the shower and you both needed to eat. Only you from now on. I could take you regular. Not with your friend. Sorry!"

"Okay. See ya."

The white Buick pulled away, and Gene was all smiles. We walked up to Golden Gate Park and got some ice cream and candy. People once more looked at me from time to time. Nothing like the first day, but they noticed me. I felt like I'd been out there for months. I couldn't remember ever being anywhere else. When we stopped for a coffee a guy stared at me from behind the counter. He reached for something he seemed to be studying.

"Billie Joe," he said, looking directly at us.

I ignored him and immediately started talking to Gene. Gene looked at me strange and then saw the guy with the flyer in his hand trying to see even though I'd moved behind Gene.

"You're name Billie Joe?" the guy asked.

"Me, no," Gene said, looking over his shoulder. "I'm Gene. This is Tommy, my brother. What's your problem? Fucking fags. Let's get the fuck out of here, Tommy." Gene kept his body between me and the curious man. "Looks like this kid. All you kids look alike," the guy mumbled.

We slipped out the door and took off down the first street we came to, losing the coffee as we ran. My heart pounded and I was scared shitless. They were looking for me. They knew I was here. My bag. The letter from Carl. Shit! They'd contact him. They'd want to know what he knew. Fuck!!

"You okay?"

"No! What am I going to do?"

"Nothing," Gene said, calm.

He went to the curb and looked around. He rubbed his fingers on the ground. He came back and put the dirt he collected on my face.

"Nothing. We make you look like you did before we showered. No one even looked at us when we were grubby."

He rubbed dirt on my cheeks and under my eyes. His lips nibbled mine as he rubbed himself against me. I lost track of what I was so frightened about. I couldn't think straight when he did this to me. I kissed and was kissed and I couldn't remember anything. I didn't want to remember anything. We went to the hotel. We slid down the space between the buildings and the opening was back. The boards that once denied entrance were broken and splintered. I remembered my first night on the mean streets. I saw Ty and leatherboy inside my head. I shivered as we climbed the stairs. I smelled those same smells that made me dizzy and light headed. There were piles of papers and rags in a far corner on the orgy floor. We cuddled up together and waited.

"What do I do?"

"Stay cool. We'll find a place close to the roof. I'll show you how to get away. They're too fat to follow us. I'll show you the cracks and the route of escape. We can hear them when they are in the building. Once I slide out a crack, they're history. I'll show them to you. You'll have to lay low. I'll find out what's going on tonight."

"You're going to leave me?"

"Can't just stay here. We'll starve. You got to stay off the streets for awhile till we figure something out. Maybe we'll go to L.A. or San Diego."

"You want to stay with me?"

"Of course. We're a team. I want to be with you. I love you, Billie Joe."

I listened to the words but had trouble holding onto them. My brain didn't want to connect me to what I felt for Gene. I knew I loved him because he was all there was. I knew my love was selfish because without him I was dead. Without Gene, there were only the streets.

Sometimes, love is convenient.

He left me while I slept. It was dark and there were no candles when I woke. I could hear the sounds of the street a few blocks away. There were constant cars and horns . . . and my terror of being alone. I stayed close to the crack. I watched the stairs and held my knees to my chest. Time took a holiday. I wondered if I'd ever be with anyone again. I smoked grass that night for the first time. The candles flickered all through the upper floor by our paper bed. Gene brought a blanket and a big box of condoms. We ate K.F.C. and drank out of half-gallon jugs of Coke. We lay there together with our naked bodies rubbing. He sat on top of me and eased himself to three orgasms while I watched him keep working himself up again. I never got close and still loved him no less. My mind and body seemed in complete harmony, and I was proud I didn't do what I usually do and end the love making early. It just seemed I had everything under control as his body stayed impaled on my manhood, and we existed there apart from the rest of the universe. There was noise downstairs. I thought I heard Sharon's voice a floor below. No one came up the stairs and Gene and I slept most of the time after that. At some time during the night he stole the condom off me, and he worked on me until I gave him the long-withheld sign of my love. We fell back to sleep with his face buried in my crotch. He held my legs close to his chest and made me feel loved. I wasn't alone. I couldn't be alone.

We got up before dawn, but later than usual. We made our rounds and there was no sign of Jesus at the box. Gene left a note.

"Why did you write Jesus," I asked, giving the name its biblical pronunciation. "I thought his name was Heysoos."

"J is H in Spanish, and U is pronounced 'oo', not 'uh'. It's spelt like we spell Jesus, but it's pronounced Heysoos." "Weird."

"It's what he told me."

Gene always left donuts for him. He knew that was what Jesus liked.

We slipped back into the hotel before traffic had started. We left some pastry and milk beside where Tony and Tim slept. If Sharon had been there, she had gone. There were two new guys, and Gil slept on the far side of the room, alone, naked below the waist and erect. We stared at his thickness.

"Fucker ain't very long, but that puppy'd take some work," Gene said.

He reached and slipped it through his fingers. Gil rolled on his back and pushed his hips up to Gene's fingers. Gene squeezed, forcing the head to grow larger. His hand covered the entire shaft but even his long fingers didn't fit entirely around it.

"I never did him. I think he might be some fun," Gene said.

"Yeah! Let's go up before you have to find out. He looks pretty strong. You get him worked up he might want you to finish."

"No problem. He's okay. He's one of us."

We left Gil to curl back up. He seemed right on the edge of waking up, but he must have been having a terrific dream that Gene probably helped start. We ate the goodies and drank all of the milk before sleeping most of the day. I woke up to see Tim and Tony staring down at us.

"If it isn't the escape artists. Fucking cops thought they had us cornered. You guys sure gave them the slip. They locked the rest of us up. They know about you, Billie Joe. Found your bag and shit. We told them they was your shoes and shit. They called your folks out in the country somewhere. They asked us what we knew about you. We just said you was new on the streets. You better lay low, man. They wanted your ass bad. What the fuck you do?" "Nothing," I said.

"Shit, too! They don't look for us for nothing. They don't care. You must a done something pretty good to have them looking so hard for you. There's even a reward." "Fuck. What did you tell them?"

"Nothing. What do I know. Harvey said you were hanging with a guy from L.A. All of Harvey's stories lead to L.A. I think they're wise to him by now. You better lay low though."

"Not tempted to get the reward?"

"Fuck you. You're one of us. You gave us a room to sleep in. A place to shower. No kid is going to give you up. Don't worry about us. Where are you from anyway?" "Mid-West."

"You must a kilt someone, they want you that bad. Where you guys been?"

"All over. Keeping out of sight."

"Don's out. Bryce is out. Sharon was here last night. Most everyone but Jake is back on the street. They fucked him good. Fucked some army guy and got caught. They got him for sodomy, AWOL, all kinds of violations of military conduct. He'll be lucky to get out when he's fifty. I saw them take him away in chains. They didn't act too happy with him. Big mothers took him off from the jail. That's who they was after when they busted us."

"Donnie's out?" Gene asked while still lying in his usual stupor when he first woke up.

"Yeah. He was on the street yesterday. Someone said he got a trick right off. Was looking for your ass, Gene. You know Donnie's in love with you."

"Where was he?"

"I don't know. Near the diner. I didn't see him. Sharon was with him when he went off. They looked for you all afternoon. We didn't think the hotel was open so we never came here until it was time to crash last night. You guys leave us continental breakfast?"

"Yeah! Want you to keep your strength up. Can't ever tell when Tim will give in to you."

"Fuck you, Gene. You got a wise mouth," Tim said. "Cool it," Tony said, placing his hand on Tim's stomach. We made small talk. Gene started getting dressed. The three of them decided to go out.

"You stay here. I'll see what's up," Gene said. "You're going to find Don, aren't you?"

"Shut up. Lay low. I'll be back."

Tim and Tony came back first. My head was still swimming from the pot the night before. Tony had more and they sat with me and rolled joints. We passed them around. Tony kept touching Tim. There was no objection or any attempt to make me think they weren't very fond of one another. We ate some chips and drank cokes they had brought up. The three of us ended up sleeping most of the afternoon. I don't know what it was about pot, but it only did two things for me. It made me horny, and I didn't need anything to make me more horny than I already was, and it made me tired. If I became an addict, I know there would only be two things I did from that time on.

I watched them sleep together for a while. It still surprised me that Tim seemed to be the one always being held. As big and strong as he looked, and being so much larger than Tony, I'd have picked it the other way every time, but Tim slept sound in Tony's arms. I was just sorry they didn't take their clothes off. As bodies go, Tim's muscles and Tony's long lean lines were the best bodies in the house. They were both hot looking guys. I'd have known that back in Minnesota without having seen all I'd seen.

Gene did come back late in the afternoon. He smoked one of the joints we hadn't gotten to. He seemed distant and laid down with his hands behind his head.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Sure. Thinking."

"Going back out?"


"Looking for Don?"

"Yeah! I want to see him. It has nothing to do with you. Donnie'n me's friends."

"We aren't?"

"Sure we are, but I been with you all along. I haven't seen Donnie since he got busted."

When Gene went out again, Tim and Tony went with him. They went to get food and came back to sit around and share it with me. Gil came up with one of the new guys, Fred. We all smoked more. I didn't need it. I felt more and more wasted and sprawled on the collection of rags and paper. Gil kept watching me. I kept ignoring him. Fred seemed more interested in the drugs. He seemed shy and maybe older than the rest of us. Maybe he was seventeen. He was squeaky clean, and I suspected a new arrival to the street.

Gene came up after I was completely wasted. I kept laughing at nothing. They pointed at me and laughed. There was a time that would have really upset me, but I just giggled and laughed more. Gene sat beside us but shared neither the smoke nor the food. I figured I knew what was coming. It didn't take long to arrive.

Don lit up when he hit the top of the stairs. All he saw was Gene. They hugged and kissed and Don was rubbing the front of Gene's pants before they sat down. They held hands and I giggled and tried to become invisible. I watched Donnie reach into his pocket and bring out two crisp twenty dollar bills. Gene took them and put them in his pocket. Donnie had his hands inside Gene's pants by now, and Donnie just laid there looking at him.

They disappeared. I looked around and they were gone. I felt maybe an inch and a quarter tall. I felt like I was being all sucked up inside myself. I stopped giggling and tried not to cry. Other people just sat and did their thing. With four people sitting around me, I shouldn't have felt alone, but I did. I felt like I was alone. Empty. Lost. The laughing and the party went on without me. Tim and Tony went out to make a collection. They'd seen a big piece of foam out beside one of the bedding stores. They were going back after they closed to get it. They told me they would see me later. They were nice to me. They didn't have to say anything, but they said they'd be back in awhile and would be back up. I didn't care really. I would still be alone. Gil sat down beside me and Fred kept rolling and smoking joints. Gil offered me a pill. He took one and gave one to Fred.

"Take care of all your problems, Billie Joe."

I don't know about taking care of my problems, but it sure made me not give a shit about them. Soon, I was giggling once more and the life of the party. Gil sat smiling and said it was "Mesq". I never knew what it was, but it really made a mesq out of me. When Fred and Gil started kissing on each other, I flew down the stairs. Gil told me not to go out, but I wasn't going anywhere. Sharon was on the next level with two guys. One was military and I don't know about the other. They sat around her drinking beer, and she was toying with both of them. I wanted to see more, but they didn't do anything. I examined the other floors looking for anyone I knew, but there wasn't anyone there. I figured I'd go back up to the top to my escape route. I always liked being close to the roof. It did give me a feeling of security.

Gil was naked and Fred had his pants off but still wore his shirt and jacket. They were making out with Fred lying on top. His ass was round and brown. Gil was a forest of hair from his crotch down. Black hair covered everything. There was a single line running from his navel, and above that the rest of him was smooth. He had a body like Tim's. His chest was muscular and his arms were big. Fred rolled off of him when he realized I was staring at his naked ass. He held his pants on his lap while lighting what was left of a joint.

"Freddie, he's more innocent than you are. Don't be embarrassed by Billie Joe. He's virgin."

"You don't know as much as you think, Gil," I said, way out of character for me.

"You finally done it, Billie?"

"I done it before I got here. I just don't do it with everyone that touches me!"

Gil looked a bit angry at the reference to my rejecting his pass that first night.

"You wouldn't know what to do with a real man. You mess with little boys like Gene. You need a man to show you what sex is really like."

"I suppose that's you."

Gil grabbed himself and squeezed so his head grew as large as it could go.

"You couldn't handle a real man," he said, staring at himself.

"Show him what you like, Fred?" Fred looked at me and then Gil's hand.

He let his pants slip away from the front of him as he leaned over to suck on him. Gil just leaned back and let Fred work. I watched Fred's ass. It spread as he leaned into Gil's lap. I could feel myself stiffening up. After rubbing myself a few times, I took off my clothes. If it was the drugs, it was the most in control I had been that entire evening. While most of the time I felt like I wasn't connected to my body, when I got naked, I was in control, and I wanted to fuck Fred. That was the bottom line. His ass was perfect, and I wanted it. There were no rules to stop me from having it. Sliding up behind him startled him. He held his hand between me and his crack. When he felt my dick against his hand, he caressed me one full stroke and then moved his hand. I slid on one ribbed and lubricated Trojan condom, and within a minute after getting naked, I was sliding into Fred. I watched him slobber all over Gil while I was doing it. I watched Gil lean up on his elbows to watch me. He seemed surprised. Fred just rubbed my thighs as I used him. He ended up taking off the rest of his clothes and I wrapped myself around him. I felt really good holding onto him. I didn't know him, but I loved having him where I could hold him.

Gil was finished off after a few minutes. Fred made him squirt it all over himself, refusing to eat the stuff. It was impressive watching the size of him when he reached his peak. I went through periods of increasing my motion and then grew still for awhile during the show. Gil came and sat next to me, and he started kissing me. I didn't like it for about a second, and then I decided it was fine. I held Fred around the chest as he lay still in my arms. Gil kissed me for quite awhile. I lost track of where I was at in relationship to completing my act with Fred. Fred didn't seem to care. He seemed to be comfortable. Worked for me.

Gil got up and put on his pants and went downstairs. I heard him and Sharon laughing with some of the other guys. I started to fall asleep as Fred held my hands and still didn't move or protest my presence inside him. There was something very comfortable about it. As sexual as it was, I wasn't the least bit interested in reaching a climax. Just being there with him was the best part. Holding on to him. Being in him. That was enough. I think maybe I didn't want to stop being in him. That kept him as part of me, and me as part of him. I wasn't alone when I was inside him. I couldn't possibly be alone like that. Alone was defeated! "Hey, Billie! Oh! Sorry! I didn't, ah . . . " Tony mumbled when he saw us together.

I wasn't embarrassed, and I know that's impossible. I know I should have glowed red and wanted to crawl out the crack in the wall. I turned my head to look at Tony. He held a huge piece of foam.

"I didn't mean to interrupt your fun. I mean you guys can use this. We brought it for you, Billie Joe. Because you let us use the room and all. We can leave it and go down stairs."

"Don't go. It's okay. I don't mind. Fred doesn't seem to mind."

"Sorry, Fred," Tony said. "I'm Tony. This is Tim. We'd rather stay up here tonight, but we'll leave you guys alone." "Don't go," Fred said soft as a mouse.

"See, Fred says stay. We'll all share the foam rubber. It's big enough. I want you guys to stay," I said. "I don't want to be left alone."

Fred and I rolled apart. I was without shame and my erection stood out covered only by the Trojan warrior. Fred bent his legs up in front of his body. His legs were relatively hairy, but the rest of him was smooth. He had dark blond or light brown hair. Tim laid the foam down, and spread the blanket on it. Tony looked at me and my evidence, and at Fred sitting against me, and he started taking his clothes off. "You okay?" I said.

"Yes. Just stay with me. I don't like Gil that much. He's too bossy all the time. He hurts me."

"Where are you from?"


"Why you here?"

"Parents said I was either gay or their son. My choice." "You split?"

"Didn't you?" Tim started to undress when he realized everyone else was naked. He seemed reluctant, but slowly stripped the clothes off his muscular legs and well-shaped chest. He folded his clothing neatly and stood up showing off his great body. All three of us were letting the candle light show us his beauty. Even Fred stared at him.

"Will we all fit?" Tim asked, holding his hand over his best part.

"Sure! We can squeeze in," Tony said.

"We helped him lose all his shit. He let us stay up the motel. We agreed we'd share, Tim."

"I know. I didn't say anything. Just looks pretty close." "Want to smoke?" Fred asked. "Got some mesq if you like."

"Yeah!" Tony said. "I like."

"What's that?" Tim asked.

"You know how horny you always say you are," Tony said.


"This will make you ten times as horny."


"Really, only you won't be so damn uptight about it." "I'll take some," Tim said, innocent like.

Fred handed us each a pill. He took two for himself. Tony rolled some joints and we smoked sitting around the foam. The grass burned my throat and made it feel parched. My lungs felt scratchy. I found myself staring at Tim and Tony. I got turned on when I noticed Tony's hand resting on the inside of Tim's thigh as they passed the joint around. Tim was thick as me and longer. It seemed to be straining as it stood up almost to his belly button. The blond bush wasn't all that thick. His balls were smooth and well-defined. I tried not to look at him and ended up staring at Tony. He wasn't as thick or as long, but it was nice. His bush was dark and his lower body was covered with fine dark hairs, but they were both smooth above the waist.

It took awhile for the pill to go to work. Tim seemed a bit strange. My body really wasn't there. The candles made everything look strange. I stared at the ceiling and the shadows and the crack where Gene showed me the escape route only a few of us could use. I remembered Ty, and Jake, and thought about Gene. Each time I heard a sound I looked to see if he was back. I ended up with my hands across my chest shivering. Fred clung to the very edge of the foam so he was alone. Tim and Tony were wrapped up in each other's arms on the other edge. No one and nothing touched me.

My mind propelled me through my life since arriving in San Francisco. I was with Ty, and then he was walking away from me, backing away, looking at me. He reached his hand out to me. I reached mine out but he was further away from me. I walked toward him, but he was even further away. I ran, but I couldn't catch him, and I was crying because I needed him.

"Don't leave me alone! Please don't leave me alone," someone screamed.

Everyone sat up around me looking into my face. Tony leaned close to me.

"It's okay, little man. We aren't going anywhere."

I grabbed Tony around his thin strong chest and hugged him. I felt Tim leaning on my legs and rubbing my stomach. Fred sat looking at me.

"Please don't leave me," I said, in a little boy's voice. Tony's lips brushed mine. They were red and shaped as perfectly as the rest of him. The heat made me want him more than I had ever wanted anyone. I kissed him back and was surprised when he held me and explored my mouth with his tongue. I could feel Tim rubbing my legs and stomach as Fred held my hand to his chest and watched Tony and me make out. I felt Tim's mouth on my stomach. He used his tongue like a puppy might to lick his empty food dish. He let it wiggle in my belly button and lick up my chest until he chewed my nipples. He licked my neck and the side of my face. Tony moved away from my mouth and placed my hand on him. He was stiff and strained and he wanted to be stroked. Tim's tongue was as long and thick as the rest of him. He licked the back of my throat and I floated around the room with the three of them making love to me.

Tony, too, licked my chest as I held both his excitement and Tim's. Fred leaned behind Tim and I felt his mouth on me. I hadn't realized I was all that excited until the warm soft moistness took me there. Tim worked on my lips and nibbled them. As quick as he left my mouth, Tony's mouth was on his and then on mine. We traded kisses as I grew dizzy from the attention. I watched Tim lick down one side of my chest and Tony lick down the other as I held them prisoner with my hands. They got to where Fred worked and they turned their mouths into exciting darting snakes. They worked up and down my legs and between them. Fred seemed more experienced than I had suspected.

I watched Tony replace Fred and Tim replace Tony. They took turns on me. Fred slid down between my legs and his tongue forced me to bend my knees up high as his tongue worked all the way back between my legs. Tony sucked me as Tim used his tongue on my body until it was back up and in my mouth. As Fred sunk his tongue deep into me, I felt it hit the button the first time. It gave me a most intense excitement running through my entire body. I'd never felt a jolt quite that intense. I almost lost what had been building in me all evening, but I quickly fought the urge down again. I wanted this to last all night. I didn't want them to stop touching me. I didn't want them to leave me.

I ended up on my side with Tim moving his body so I could get him in my mouth. It was difficult at first, but he leaned back on his hands and watched my mouth work on him. Tony stayed between my legs and Fred now had his face buried in my crack. My entire body felt like it was my penis. I didn't know how that was possible, but all the sensitivity and pressure I felt in my penis and balls was now how my whole body felt. The floating never stopped and I couldn't feel the foam or anything else around me other than the bodies I did it with.

It took some time for me to realize it was Tony I was sucking, not Tim. Then it was Fred. Then I didn't know who it was. Once I thought it was Gene, but realized by the size it was Tony.

We stopped. We sat and looked at each other. They were all naked. They were all mine. We smoked pot, passing the joint around as more were rolled.

I don't know where George came from. When I noticed him, he was just there at the foot of the foam, smoking pot with us. He had really blond hair, like those surfer dudes would have. He was tall. At least I think he was. He was thin, and I do remember touching his body. I remember sucking him through his open zipper. He smiled endlessly and watched the joint and the smoke like it was some religious experience. He sat there with his clothes on in the middle of four naked guys like we were down at the diner sitting around a table. All of us showed our excitement. George's just stood up out of his pants, long and slender like him.

The fire went off the joint and my head was in Tim's lap again. I could only take in one of the eggs at a time, but I wet them and looked up at the column as Tony kissed him and Fred licked his nice nipples. I remember seeing George watching while letting me jack him off. I had to roll over and see how much of Tim it was possible to take and left George to his own devices. It wasn't so much a need as a compulsion. As both of us rolled on our sides, giving me better access, I felt George go down on me. He used his hand on himself and his mouth on me. Then I realized it was Tony and not Tim, but it was George I was on. My mind was fucking up my head. Fred made me realize it was all of them. He moaned loud enough I knew I was doing it to him. George was a good fit when he came back. He was clean like just after a fresh shower. Fred went back to eating my rear end as Tony took the point. Tim leaned up behind George and took off his shirt and rubbed his thin chest. He was as tan as you could get. Tim licked his neck from behind, but George wouldn't let him kiss him on the lips. He turned his head and Tim ended up using that puppy dog tongue on his chest and stomach as I kept George in my throat.

During this mix and match service I provided oral satisfaction for everyone present. Only one time did I think I was on the edge of losing control, but I was actually so far out of control it bordered on the insane. A month before, I was a virginal child, and now I no longer knew what I was. In my drugged state, I didn't care what I was. My one major fear made me what I was. I would have given anything not to be alone one more minute than was necessary, and so there I was, the centerpiece in an orgy of beautiful men. And the only thing I had left that still belonged to only me, I gave away.

How I knew it was George I don't know. The long, smooth legs on the back of mine. The smoothness of the lean body. Maybe the smell. I don't remember him taking me. When I realized he was buried deep inside of me, I started to struggle, and then I realized it was too late to care. There was no pain, only sorrow for giving away a gift that I wanted to save for someone else. George did the most important thing. He held my chest so tight I could hardly breathe. He slammed me hard and felt my thighs. Tony and Tim took care of my need for attention in front by taking turns on me. Fred fed me his love.

I could feel it when George peaked. His grip tightened. His arm around my chest was joined by an arm around my stomach. He pulled me back on him. I tried to remember the contours of him from the study I took with my lips and tongue. I imagined in my mind the white thick liquid filling me, pulsing out of him, as he twitched and jerked against me with his hot breaths bursting over my neck and chest. Even when he was done his muscles refused to relinquish their grip. His legs pressed hard into mine. His skin felt hot and wet. He rested inside.

It wasn't Fred but Tim I was trying to swallow. He once more rested back on his hands as I brought him closer and closer. With fascination, I watched his stomach pitch and heave as I used my improving skills. As he filled my mouth with the results of my work, I felt George desert me. I became more intent on making Tim part of me. I actually felt a feeling of loss when George withdrew, but it was short lived as another smooth thin body replaced his. I suspected Tony but was too busy to take a head count.

The slide in was no more traumatic than when George entered. Tony was gentle in comparison, and his strokes were long and slow. I thought perhaps he wasn't quite as large as George. By the time Fred went to work on me again, it didn't much matter how gentle he was. Tim went soft in my mouth. He still didn't move but rested on the palms of his hands, leaning back away from me on a forty-five degree angle so he appeared to knife up into the dark. The candle across from us lit every muscled line in his body for my eyes to admire. I tried to take one more drop out of him to force him to stay with me. I wondered if he was dead, but I could see him breathe those long, deep, relaxed breaths. I tasted him in my mouth. I wanted to excite him more.

Tony continued to gentle me. His lips started to light a fire on my neck. Fred rubbed Tim's chest for awhile, and then moved him so he could share himself with me. He was thin and without any of the size Tim offered. He was easy to swallow and to explore. He held my face down on him without force. Tim kissed my chest as Tony continued to love me. He lacked the force of George. Only his hips showed any real enthusiasm for the prize he didn't realize he was taking. He groaned in my ear, and buried himself deep while he held my hips, draining himself of lust in a minute or two.

They hovered around me, and Tony and Tim kissed. Fred turned his body down to return the favor my mouth gave him. He seemed interested for the first time. I could feel his hips starting to move with my mouth. He tried hard to take all of me, but fell short, choking when he wanted more than it was wise for him to take. I still couldn't get to where I could grab hold and force my own orgasm. I seemed to hang there just below my peak. The cum refused to rise, and my insides were burning up from the strain of it building and building.

Fred lay up close to me after I took his love out of him. It was the first time Fred seemed to feel affection. I thought it odd that it came on the far side of our love-making and not before. Often after the loving the lover left you, but his hands touched me with feeling. His face studied mine as Tim and Tony continued to look as though they were very much in love. They held each other right at our feet, and Fred also watched them kissing and rubbing each other's bodies as he rubbed mine.

I woke up with Tim a part of me. He was some place between George and Tony. He held me, not gently, but perfect for someone with his physique. His hips churned, but not violently. He held me tight, but not with force. He kissed my back, shoulders and neck with passionate lips. Tony had all but swallowed me. Tim's strokes were long and full, allowing me to appreciate his manliness. His size was more obvious than either George or Tony because he stretched me wide open. He filled me where they had only teased the hole. I turned my face toward his and the reward gave the dimension I needed to add the love I was feeling for Tim. His tongue seemed a foot long, and it filled my mouth. The way he breathed as he kissed me turned me on like nothing ever had. I could see inside my head that big fat slab moving in and out of me. I sucked his tongue like it would yield up the same love juice I was now addicted to. He whimpered and became an eager slave to my mouth. He moaned and blew hot air as he struggled to make it last. I knew just what he wanted. I knew it was too good to let it end. I knew it and felt it as his hips shivered, trying to deny himself the stroke that would bring the climax ending our pleasure.

I realized it was just Tim and me. I felt no one else. Tony knelt and watched us. Fred held Tony's waist from behind and looked on. They both kneeled looking into the field the candle lit. My mind seemed aware of everything, but mostly I was a ware of the tongue and his presence inside me. We hung there for minutes and maybe hours. He would shiver and shake as he fought it. It became the demon he denied and wouldn't let end our marvelous experience together. His left hand moved ever so slightly on me as his right held my body to his. I loved the feel of his muscles against my shapeless form.

There was a sudden gush of spittle and hot air and a whimper that accompanied the first surge. His hips involuntarily plunged his manhood deep and deeper. The shaking became violent as his body tensed and more air gushed on my mouth as I released his tongue. He seemed to gurgle and moan in his chest as he shook and pressed his quaking body against mine. I felt him pulsing at my hole. He shook and shook and shook as I felt the heat of him increase inside me. The size of him now stretched me in a rapturously pleasant way I wouldn't have thought possible. His mouth closed on mine, and, as all the tension ran out of him, he gave me the most incredible kiss from his incredible mouth and tongue.

"Thank you," he said so low I doubt Tony or Fred could hear it four feet away.

Even though I still had yet to get over the hump myself, there was something in Tim's orgasm that completely satisfied me. He held me. He didn't leave me. The more remarkable thing was that Tony slid up against my chest and placed his face there. Our arms wrapped us together in a human puzzle. Their warmth gave me an incredible feeling of well being, and in the middle of that it hit me. I knew they would leave me as everyone always left me. I knew that as long as I could engage them in sex, we could be together, but as soon as I could no longer satisfy them I would end up alone. In the middle of those warm and wonderful arms belonging to two of the most beautiful men I had ever known, I was alone once again.

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