Discovering the Unknown
Chapter 12
By Angel Love
They had taken me to the x-ray room early in the morning and here I was still trapped in the infernal hospital room. I was fuming because neither Mom nor the doctor had been by since I got back to my room to tell me when I could go home. I slipped out of bed and walked to the window. The room still swayed a little as I walked and the bright sun light hurt my eyes, but other than that I felt fine. I reached up to move the drapes back and the sun caught my eyes just right and I sneezed. Ooooooo...I folded my arms around my chest and slumped into a chair, the pain almost caused me to stop breathing.
"See I told you that you would have to take it easy for a week or two."
Dr. Stitch was trying hard to stifle a chuckle but was having little success.
"Not very funny Doc."
"Sorry Jamie, but if you could have seen the expression on your face..."
"Hi...have I missed out on something?" Mom asked as she walked into the room.
"No Mom Dr. Stitch just goes into STITCHES when one of his patients is in pain."
"Jamie...that's not nice," Mother scolded.
"That's alright Mrs. Rusher guess I had that coming."
I smiled at him and got up slowly from the chair. "You did come to tell me I can go home didn't you?"
"Yes, in fact I did. Your scan looks fine and I can see you are able to move about with little problem, so I see no reason to keep you any longer."
Dr. Stitch and Mom talked while I began dressing. When I was almost finished a nurse came in with three pages of instructions for me to follow when I got home. She insisted that I sit and listen as she read each one and explained it to me. Gad! If I followed everything she told me not to do I may as well stay here. While I was receiving my lecture Mom went down stairs to check me out.
On the way home I rode with my head down to keep the glair of the sun from causing me to sneeze again and to also lessen the pain it caused in my eyes and head. The old car Mom had bought a couple of weeks before was good enough for what we needed, at least we did not have to ride the bus anymore but I had promised myself that someday I was going to get her a car that was really nice. Something she would be proud to drive. At home Mom made me a bed on the sofa and gave me enough snacks and drinks to last for a week.
"Mom really I can take care of myself," I chuckled. "You don't need to fuss over me so much a lot of kids get a knock on the head every once in a while."
"Yours was a little more than a knock. Now you just stay on the sofa this afternoon and don't move around too much. It is Kitty's turn to drive and we are both working the evening shift at the salon so I won't be home till about ten and I don't want you moving about much. You hear?"
"Yes Ma'am," and I pretended to pout just a little.
I was still mad at Rob for forgetting my cell. The suspense was killing me but I had managed to keep it to myself on the way home. Somehow it felt better if I didn't say 'Steve' out loud. I was still recovering from my last headache brought on because I had spent most of the morning lying in my bed crying while I waited word about when I could leave. In just a few days I had came to realize just how much I loved that guy. I never realized that love could hurt but it does. I mean a love that is real, a love that comes from the soul, a love that has always been there and now has a chance to grow and bloom. And now...and now it seemed as if some terrible monster had ripped that part of my life right out of my chest and had left nothing but a big, dark, empty hole that ached to be filled by only one thing and that was Steve back in my arms again.
Tears started flowing down my cheeks and I tried hard to stop them. I wanted to cry for Steve, but I did not want my head to hurt more or my ribs to ache. While I was trying to control my emotions my cell rang and I lunged for it so hard my ribs protested strongly.
"Hello...hello..."
I could tell someone was on the line but no one spoke. Then those three little beeps came that you always get when a signal is dropped on a cell phone. Mom had cut as many corner on my phone plan as possible therefore caller ID was one of many options that had been left off. I had no idea who called so I just clutched the phone to my breast and willed it to ring again. And it did!
"Hello...hello..."
Beep-beep-beep then the signal was gone again. "Damn!" I felt like throwing the phone just as far as I could. Thankfully I had enough sense to not do that.
Ten minutes passed, then fifteen, "Come on call back, please!" I had no idea who I was asking to call I just had this gut feeling it was someone important. Someone important like Steve.
Ring...ring, "Hello Steve! Steve is that you?"
"Jamie..." My god it is Steve, I could hardly hear him he sounded so weak and far away.
"Steve where are you? O god Steve where are you?"
"I don't...know...Jamie help me please..."
His voice sounded so weak I could tell he was struggling with each word.
"Steve you have to tell me where you are..."
"In...in th...the...woods...don't know...don't know where..."
"O Steve are you hurt? How can I find you?"
"Jamie," again his voice was so weak I struggled to hear every word. "Jamie...I hurt...I'm so cold..."
It did get a little cool last night, and I suppose if I had spent the night in the woods I would be cold also.
"Steve did...did they beat you again?"
"Uh-huh..."
"Steve the phone...the one you are talking on where is it?"
"It's my dad's...he must have dropped it...when..."
"When what Steve?"
"O Jamie they...they...hate me. They...they said I don't deserve to live...I'm a pervert..."
"Steve they don't hate you..."
"Yes they do!" And for the first time his voice sounded like he had just a little strength left.
"I was just going to lay here and die...but...but I'm scared to die Jamie. I'm scared to die by myself."
"Steve please help me find you," by now I was pacing the living room floor and all the concerns for my injuries were completely out of my mind. "Steve listen...where did your Dad drop his cell phone?"
"When they...when they dumped me..."
"Dumped you...?"
"O god Jamie they just threw me away..." and with those words Steve started sobbing uncontrollably.
Threw him away? No, they could not do something like that! That is impossible you just can't throw someone away. I continued to try and talk to Steve but his crying muffled any effort he made at speaking. I could tell he was getting weaker by the minute and I became desperate to find a clue as to where he was. Finally he gained a little control of himself.
"Jamie," he whispered. "Please find me. Mom and Dad don't want we, and you don't need me either...please just get me someplace where I can rest and then I will get out of everyone's life."
Those words sent a shock wave down my spine that caused me to collapse to my knees in the middle of the floor.
"Steve Honey! O my god I want you more than I want my own life! What are you talking about?"
"You have Rob you don't need me hanging around...I'll leave just as soon as I'm able."
"O Steve...Steve Honey...you are so wrong! Rob took me out the other night to teach me to always be faithful to you Baby. Did you hear that to be faithful to only you! Rob doesn't want we he has someone else...he has Justin!"
There was a long silence and I became concerned the signal had dropped again.
"Who's Justin?"
"Rob's boyfriend...he is coming from Texas to live with Rob. O Steve I love you...do you hear me I LOVE YOU!" I was near panic and shouting into the phone.
I could hear Steve begin to cry again.
"Steve now come on guy...tell me something what do you see? Can you get to a road?"
"I can't walk...think my leg is broken, but I think I was here once years ago when I was really little."
"Steve! Talk to me Honey...tell me something!"
"Car...I can hear cars..." Beep...beep...beep, and his signal was gone again.
"NO! NO!" I screamed at the phone I held in my hand.
Oh my god what was I going to do? My Steve was hurt, he was cold, and I had no idea where he was. My mind seemed to just react to what little it knew, Steve was cold so I grabbed one of the blankets Mom had laid on the couch for me. He was in the woods so I added a bottle of water to the blanket. He had to be hungry so I grabbed some cereal bars from the shelf in the kitchen. Then I took Mom's car keys from the stand by the front door, and hurried out the door. I threw everything in the seat beside me and slid in behind the steering wheel. Where was I going and what did I hope to accomplish? How the hell did I know, but Steve needed me wherever he was. Mom had give me three whole driving lessons since she had bought the car and as far as I was concerned I knew all about cars that I needed to know.
Ring...ring.
"Hello Steve?"
"Uh-huh...battery is going dead. Jamie my...my journal..." Beep...beep...beep.
I banged my fist hard against the steering wheel willing that blasted phone to ring again but it lay silent in my hand. Suddenly the word 'Journal' soaked into my thinking. 'Journal?' Steve had never mentioned a journal to me; I never realized he kept one. What about a journal, what was he saying, what was he trying to tell me?
I was muttering to myself as I started the car. "Journal...journal if he has one it has to be in his room." I stepped on the clutch and ground the gears getting the transmission in reverse. "Damn, why did Mom have to buy a car with a five speed...?"
I let off on the clutch too quick and the tires squealed against the cement drive before the engine stalled. My second try was more successful and I managed to get the car backed into the street with just a couple of jerks. I drove the five blocks to Steve's house without getting the car above third gear. I parked beside the Mitchell's old station wagon and ran for the back door of the house. I bent down to get the door key from under the stone where I knew they kept it but when I straightened up a sharp pain shot through my head and the world turned upside down. I staggered back and fell flat on my back. The overhanging branches from the old oak tree spun sickeningly above me. I closed my eyes and suddenly was aware of the pain in my ribs and head. I rolled onto my side and vomited. The contractions only served to make my ribs hurt more.
Slowly I raised myself up to my hands and knees, than sat back on my haunches. I opened my eyes and the world slowly stopped spinning.
"Ohhhhh..." I moaned softly. I stood slowly and used the back step rail to steady myself. I stumbled through the backdoor and the darkened room helped the pain in my eyes. The stairs up to Steve's room seemed to be a mile long and I was afraid I was going to vomit again each time they swayed under my feet.
I gasp when I saw Steve's room. A Midwestern tornado could not have caused more damage. They had not searched his room they had destroyed it. Why had not the police picked up on this? Teens are messy by nature but this would have to raise suspicions in any rational thinking person.
"O Steve, where do I look what does it look like? O Steve...Steve..."
I forced the pain and blurred vision out of my mind and began scouring the room. I kept hoping that most of the mess was cause by a police search but somehow I knew it had not been. What Mom had told me about the way his parents had searched his room and finding the poem he had written told me more than I really wanted to think about. I could not comprehend how parents could do something like this to their own child. So he was a little different than what they had expected when he was born, so what, Steve was still their son.
As I dug through a pile of clothing on his bed I came across a book titled, "The Sin of Homosexuality." Across the cover in red ink were scrawled the words, 'Steven read this book every week until you have it memorized.' I dropped the book to the floor like it was red hot.
"O Steve, what have they done to you?" I felt hot tears flood my eyes and I sobbed for my boyfriend as more of his life made itself know to me. How could I have lived so close to someone all my life and yet knew so little about the things he had suffered? I was beginning to realize just how strong he really is, and that scared me more. I now knew his words about leaving and getting out of everyone's life was not spoken idly. No Steve had the courage to walk out if he though that was what it would take to make everyone happy.
The pain in my head was coming back along with the nausea. I expanded my search to his closet, nothing there. I even moved the mattress and box springs to see if he had slid it between them, not there either. The more physical my search became the more my ribs ached and the more the nausea made itself know. The pictures on the far wall seemed to sway like waves of an ocean. I slumped back against the wall and slowly slid down to sit on the floor. I folded my arms around my chest and wept. The reality that I may never find Steve began to burn into my mind, and the more it did the more I wept. Soon I was lying on my side trying to keep my ribs from hurting, that was when I noticed something sticking down from the underside of Steve's dresser. I slowly crawled across the room and look underneath.
I smiled happily. Fastened to the underside was a plastic tray, and in that tray lay four spiral notebooks and a sleeve of what looked like clippings and picture he had collected over the year. A quick glance at the picture told me he must have saved every picture of me he could get his hands on, many were picture that I did not even remember anyone taking. I started thumbing through the notebooks and soon realized this was an almost impossible task given the fact I did not even know what I was looking for.
I glanced through what appeared to be some of the latest entry and that only served to make me cry harder. My Steve was in so much pain because of his love for me and my interest in someone else I felt my stomach suddenly spasm. I reached for the trash can my stomach was virtually empty so little came up but it made me feel terrible.
"Steve I will make all this up to you, I promise," I murmured and use a tissue from a trampled box of Kleenex lying on the floor to wipe my mouth.
I slowly closed the notebook; I could not read anymore right now. I started thumbing through the pictures and remembered many fun times together. He even had clippings from the school paper; it seemed that wherever he could find a picture of me he had kept it. I shook my head slowly and smiled. Even though I was sick from worry his love for me felt so warm it made me feel better. Suddenly something caught my eye. It was an old advertisement from the local paper it was yellowed and faded but still legible. It advertised a campground that had been closed years ago about thirty miles north of town. This had to be what Steve was trying to tell me. The campground closed when we were just little, four or five years old, something about pollution from a landfill. Yes this had to be it Steve is in the woods, someplace where he thinks he has been before. It was the only lead I had and I was going to follow it.
I was already getting better at using the clutch and getting the car moving smoothly. This driving business was not that difficult.
HONK...HONK!
Damn I backed right out in front of another car! I guess I still had a thing or two to learn. The car pulled along side and the dark tented window on the passenger side slid smoothly down.
"Damn Jamie where did you learn to drive, K-Mart?" It was Tom Messer the senior football captive.
"Sorry Tom...just wanted to see if you were paying attention."
He flipped me the finger and the tires on his car squealed loudly as he sped away. Come on Jamie pay attention Steve needs your help don't fuck up now.
I turned north on highway six and headed out of town. It never crossed my mind I did not have a drivers license and that I was breaking the law with every turn of the wheel. All I could think about was Steve being hurt and wanting to die but being scared to die alone. I willed my thoughts to him; I know that is probably impossible to do but it made me feel better as I continued to tell Steve I was on my way.
Try as I might, the nausea and dizziness just would not go away. The farther I drove the more severe it became. By the time I had reached the entrance to the old campgrounds I had twice been forced to stop and vomit alongside the highway. When I turned onto the dirt road I discovered that it must have been years since it had last been maintained. The going was slow as I steered around the ruts and potholes. And the sun shining through the trees and flickering across my eyes caused the pain in my head to become agonizing.
I do not know what happened, the road may have turned and I did not, or the swirling in my vision caused me to run off the road in either case I hit a large pine tree head on.
Fortunately I was going slowly but the impact still bounced my head off the steering wheel. That was the last thing I needed, I blinked my eyes hard but could not focus on anything. The engine had stalled and I could not get it restarted. I got out and steadied myself with the door until things stopped spinning. I reached back into the car and grabbed my cell then started walking.
In just a short distance I came out into a small clearing. Around the edges were old rotting picnic tables and in the center was what was left of the office and facilities for the campground. I started for the old building, my legs felt like they were made of rubber and the world once more swayed crazily. I reached the steps on the old wood porch and sat down. I lay back on the porch and closed my eyes.
"Jamie..."
I heard the voice but it sounded so far way and not real, my head hurt so bad I just ignored what I was hearing.
"Jamie..."
This time it was barely a whisper but it registered in my brain that I was not hearing things. I slowly opened my eyes and rolled my head to the left.
"Steve...O god Steve..."
There he was my love, my boy! He lay just a few feet from me and was reaching out just as far as he could. My left hand shot out and our fingertips were just able to lock together at the first joint. That little bit of contact sent more feeling of emotion through my body than all the sexual encounters we had ever had combined. I had thought the sex was where our feelings of love came from, but in an instant I realized love is much deeper than the sexual part of it. My heart ached but it was the ache of a heart that had reached out and united with another heart. I rolled onto my stomach and crawled over so our heads were side by side and at that moment there was not a more gorgeous human on the face of the earth. I cradled his head in my hands and covered his lips with mine.
"Jamie..." he whimpered softly while our lips were still touching.
"Yes Honey...it's me...I found you..." and I kissed him again.
"Do...you...love me? Really..."
"O god Steve...I love you so much it hurts."
I turned so I was laying full length beside him. It was the middle of the afternoon and probably seventy-five degrees but he was shivering. He was dressed only in the same nylon shorts and muscle shirt he had worn that afternoon he had taken me to his house from the park. There was dried blood on the side of his face and one hand was swollen twice its normal size and bloody. He was covered in mud some dry and hard some still damp and sticky. I pulled him close and tried to cover as much of his body with mine as I could.
"Tell...tell me again...please..."
"I love you Steven Mitchell...I love everything about you..."
He started sobbing and clung to me like an infant to its mother. I tried to give him more of my body heat and that is when he almost screamed in pain. I pulled back in shock.
"It's my leg..." he whimpered.
I looked down and his right leg was swollen from the knee down and was a deep dark purple.
"O god Steve what did they do to you?"
"It...it was an accident..."
"STEVE!"
He sobbed then swallowed hard, "Dad...Dad didn't mean to...he just backed over my leg when they left."
"O Steve I've got to get you help...got to get to a phone..." A phone! Damn it Jamie get a hold of yourself. You have one right in your pocket. OK, OK so I was scared but that did not give me an excuse to fall apart.
Five minutes later I had called 911 and was making Steve as comfortable as possible. I tried to get him to tell me all that had happened but he was reluctant to do so.
"Steve look...I know you love your parents. I understand...I think...but you have to tell me."
Slowly through much sobbing it all came out. After they had found his poem he said they seemed to loose all touch with reality. Screaming that they would not allow his perverted problem to infect their home, his Father pushed him down the stairs screaming about his sin of being a homosexual. He landed at the bottom of the stairs stunned and bruised then his Mother had beaten him with the same small bat she had used on me all the while proclaiming she was doing it for his own good to drive his evil lifestyle out of him. He was almost unconscious when they loaded him in the back seat of the old car and drove around back where his Father jerked his cell phone from his bloody hand then went to get his bicycle. As they drove out of town he was told that he was never to return to West Port again, that they were going to drop him far away and they never wanted to see him again. When he protested and begged and promised that he would change his Father screamed at him, "perverts never change you had your chance!" He said he collapsed on the floor of the old car and tried to will his life to end. He felt the car stop and his Father opened the back door and ordered him to get out. He stood in dazed disbelief as he watched his Father take his bike out of the car and threw it to the ground.
"Here this is more than you deserve!" His Father had screamed at him.
As they drove away Steve ran along side the car banging on the window and begging for forgiveness. He stumbled and fell and the back wheel had run over his leg. He spent the night laying on the wet ground then this morning he had crawled to the old building hoping to find some shelter. As he crawled through the mud he discovered his father's cell phone lying where he had jerked Steve's bicycle out of the car.
By the time Steve finished telling me about his ordeal his words were slow and sluggish and his eyes half closes.
"OK Baby...it's OK don't talk anymore help will be here soon."
His eyes locked on mine and his lips parted slightly. He did not need to ask I lowered my head and kissed him as tenderly as I knew how. I felt his swollen hand come behind my head as he tried to pull me closer. Again I tried to cover as much of his body with mine as I could without touching his leg.
The roar of an engine caused me to look up.
"Steve...everything is going to be alright. Rob is here and Billy is with him..."
Steve smiled weakly and pulled my face back down to his. I heard the doors of the old truck open but Steve refused to let our kiss end and there was no way that I wanted it to either.
"Here they are...over here Billy!"
I could hear footsteps on the porch but still Steve clung to me. "I love you Baby," he whispered.
"And I love you to." And my words were punctuated by a big sob.
"Quick Billy grab the blankets from behind the seat while I get some water."
Good old Rob I don't think anything could ever rattle him. Soon he had Steve covered and helping him sip water from a small plastic bottle.
"I never knew water tasted so good." Steve whispered.
"How on earth did you ever find us?" I asked Rob.
"Elementary my dear Watson..." and Rob chuckled at his own joke. "Billy and I just did a little tracking. We decided they had taken Steve north on highway six, and there was red mud on the side of his parent's car. So all we had to do was find a dirt road with reddish dirt somewhere going north on highway six."
"Rod did all the deciding, I was just along for the ride." Billy said, and a big smile spread across his face. He had helped me to a sitting position and was holding me tight as I lay my head on his shoulder. "You two guys sure had me worried."
The sound of a siren could be heard and I knew it would not be long before Steve had the help he needed. Billy helped me to slide back down beside Steve and he took me in his arms. We kissed softly and out of the corner of my eye I could see the big smile on Billy's face.
Two police cars and the emergency squad roared into the old parking lot. It almost made me chuckle when they did. It looked so much like something you would see on TV, why all the flashing lights and wailing sirens? Who were they trying to get out of the way in this deserted place?
They splinted Steve's leg and soon we were both on gurneys and being loaded into the EMT squad. This trip to the hospital was going to be much more enjoyable because my Steve was with me. Before they carried us off the porch Rob gave both of us a quick little peck on the lips and told us they would see us later at the hospital. Billy gave us both a hug and he blushed just a little when I winked at him.
They watched as the ambulance pulled away. "Well I think this is all going to end just fine." Rob said as he loaded Steve's bike in the back of his truck.
Billy leaned back against the side of the truck, "That was so beautiful..."
"What was?" Rob asked.
"Up on the porch when we first got here Jamie and Steve...you know..."
"I know what? All I saw was two guy hurting! What was so damn beautiful about that?"
The anger in Rob's voice startled Billy. He spun and put a hand on each of Rob's arms and looked him in the eyes.
"NO Rob...I did not mean it like that...I meant the love. That was the first time in my life I could actually feel the love coming from two people. It was so cool, I still feel warm and fuzzy on the inside."
Rob smile and slipped an arm around Billy's shoulders and hugged him tight. "I'm sorry Buddy...guess I'm just being a little too protective of my friends."
Billy leaned back against the truck again, "Rob I know this will sound stupid...but can I ask you kind of a personal question?"
"Sure...no problem."
"Well...I was just wondering, what is it like to be gay?"
Rob smiled and put his arm back over Billy's shoulders, "I don't know big guy. What is it like to be what they call straight?"
Billy looked up at Rob and grinned, "I don't know the answer to that either."
"Well, perhaps it goes deeper than being so called straight or gay. Maybe it goes all the way to love. Two people in love, you understand what I am saying Billy?"
"Yea, I think so."
"I have always felt there is a soul mate for all of us. Sadly most people never find that special someone because they get caught in a world of lust or being straight or gay."
"I don't quite follow..." Billy face showed the puzzlement his word expressed.
"Well, first lust...I believe there is a rightful place for that, but not in every encounter with just someone who stirs us physically. And the soul mate...who knows who that will be another guy or a girl just who knows? I think to limit ourselves to just one group is not right, sure we may find someone who we love but to me there is so much difference between love and soul love there is just no comparison. I love you Billy, but my soul has united with Justin's soul and that will never change. My love for you depends on the fact that I never get mad at you. But with Justin his soul would never hurt mine nor mine his."
"Wow...I never thought of it that way. But it just seems a little strange to me for a guy to want to kiss another guy or make love to him."
"I can understand that...have you ever kissed a girl?"
"Sure...lots of times." And Billy blushed crazily when he answered.
"So let's try this..."
Billy stiffened when Rob took him in his arms and he realized he was about to get his first kiss from another guy. When their lips came together he tried to push away just a little but Rob held just a little tighter and let his lips work their magic on Billy's lips. Quickly he relaxed and his eyes closed. Billy's arms came up over Rob's shoulders and he was lost in his first kiss with another guy.
When the kiss ended Billy stepped back breathing just a little hard.
"Well...was that any different than a girl?" Rob asked.
"Nope..." Billy chuckled. "But I think we need to be going now...you know that lust thing."
They were both still laughing hard when they got in the truck and headed for West Port Medical Center.
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