Discovering the Unknown
Chapter 8
By Angel Love
Friday morning dawned clear and for the first time this fall a little cool. Well if you can call forty-nine degrees cool. But, for us natives of the Deep South that is cool. I knew Rob would probably be back today and I was a little surprised at just how excited I felt at seeing him again. In my rush to get dressed and on my way to school I had even forgone the joy of my customary morning jack off in the shower. I hurried down the stair with the sole purpose of grabbing something quick for breakfast and then being on my way. I rounded the corner into the kitchen and Mom startled me when she broke into joyous singing.
"Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday dear Jamie,
Happy birthday to you."
"Oh my gosh Mom! I have had so much on my mind I completely forgot today is my birthday."
"And I though we had all your memory problems behind us."
Mom got a good chuckle out of her own joke. She came over and gave me a big hug and a kiss.
"I thought you probably had, happy birthday Dear. You have made my life so joyful there is no way I will ever forget that wonderful day. You were so red and wrinkled when you were born your father laughed and said he thought we were having a baby not a prune."
I blushed at the thought of what I must have looked like at that moment. I put my arms around Mom and hugged her tight.
"Sit down Dear, your favorite breakfast is almost done."
I slipped into my customary chair, and Mom sat a big plate full of waffles, eggs, and Canadian bacon in front of me.
"Mom you're just too much."
She only smiled and brought the coffee pot over and filled our cups. Suddenly getting to school early just did not seem important. Right now all I wanted was just some special time with my Mother.
We took our time as we ate. We laughed and even cried a little about many things in my life that had brought us to this day. Mom reached down by her chair and produced a small but beautifully wrapped gift.
"Happy birthday Dear."
"Ah, Mom! You didn't need to do that."
"Well, I guess I could always take it back to the store."
I playfully grabbed for the gift. "Not a chance!" I laughed.
The wrapping was so detailed I went to great pains not to tear it. I unfolded the paper and lifted the lid on the unmarked box.
"MOM! A cell phone, MOM!"
Mom laughed hard. "I know I'm the one who got it remember."
It was the most fantastic gift I had ever received. I had wanted one for so long, it seemed I was the only kid in high school who did not have one. Steve even had one but I knew his parents had only allowed him to have it so they could call him several times a day to check on what he was doing. I flipped it open and began pressing buttons to find all its features. That was when reality hit me.
"Oh Mom I love it but… but we really can't afford this, not since we just moved from the trailer to this house. We're just barely making it now."
"Oh, I think we can. You see Mr. Perkins gave me a nice raise two weeks ago. I didn't tell you because I knew when he did just what I wanted to get you."
"Mom, you are the greatest! I am so blessed to be your son."
I jumped up and sat on her lap and hugged and kissed her. I cried a little, which you already know is not that unusual for me, and then I moved back to my chair and began to explore my new phone.
"I didn't think I could afford a large plan right now, but you do have three hundred minutes each month. Just be a little frugal and it should be enough."
"Oh Mom, I will be careful I promise. If I ever go over you can turn it off and I won't complain."
"I know that Son, and I know you well enough to know that will never happen."
Mom then leaned over and put her forehead against my forehead and stroked my cheek.
"Jamie, this may seem like a strange time to bring this up, and I hope you know there will never be anything that would keep me from loving you more than life itself."
"Mom, I know that."
Somehow I knew our conversation was about to take a big change. Mom sat back and took both my hands in hers; her eyes darted from one of mine to the other.
"Jamie… can we talk a little about Steven?"
"Sure Mom, is he alright?"
"Yes Honey… he's just fine."
I know the puzzlement was evident on my face because Mom smiled softly before she continued.
"It's really not just about Steven… it's about both of you."
"Mom… I don't… "
"I know Dear, you don't understand. This is the only thing I have never confided in you, but now is the time. I guess I have just been afraid to bring everything into the open. I have tried many times to give you the opportunity to speak about it but I can understand your reluctance."
"Mom… "
"No, let me finish this time. After the other night you know a little about Steven's parents. They are very abusive parents, that night they beat you was not the first time they had beaten Steven. And I know there as been more than just the one time since when you and he were together late at the trailer. But there is something else I just can't understand, Steven loves his parents, he loves them deeply. I have tried many times to get him to let me use the power the court granted under the settlement to take custody of him, but he has always refused. I have never known such love could exist but it does with Steven."
"Yes, I know Mom… Steve does have an abundance of love to give."
"There's more… all these years I have been the one Steven as came to when he just needed to talk, or when he has a problem he doesn't know what to do with. Honey… I know all about Steven being gay, a long time before you did."
Mom chuckled and reached over using the tips of her fingers to close my mouth.
"I also know who he is desperately in love with. Someone he has loved since he was eight years old."
"Mom… I… I… "
Again she shushed me with the tips of her fingers.
"I know I probably should have had this talk with you long ago, but I wanted you to come to your own decisions about many things. The biggest of which is who you really are."
Mom again held both of my hands.
"I will admit if you had come to me with the same news four or five years ago I would have reacted like most parents."
"Why… ?"
"Because you are my son and like most mothers I would have dreams for you that would more fit what everyone else expects from young boys."
Mom moved her chair where she could hug me tight. I was speechless and did not even try to respond at first to what I was hearing. Then Mom hugged me again and I found just a little of my voice.
"So Steve he… told you that… I… about me… about me being… gay?"
"No Honey! He would never do anything like that without your permission. I asked him, and only after I knew for sure myself that you were."
"How… how come you're not mad at me?"
"Because like I said Steven and I have had many long talks about his being gay and I slowly began to realize there is nothing different about you and Steven than any other boys. You just both happened to fall in love with another boy. Only with you it has been a bit of a struggle just because your subconscious would not let you love the one you really did."
"Gosh Mom! You know everything."
"Well maybe not everything, but enough to know you are my wonderful boy and I love everything about you."
Tears began streaming down my face and I did not even want to try and stop them. It felt like the problems of the world were suddenly lifted from my shoulders. I know that is the standard thing to say, but that is just the way it feels. There was so much relief my insides felt like they could breathe for the first time in months. Oh, I know there would be many others who would hate me if they knew but right now I felt like I could face everyone in West Port with the love of Mom behind me.
Mom used a napkin to wipe the tears from my eyes.
"I hope there will be much more you will want to talk to me about, but right now you need to hurry or you will be late for school."
I sobbed and sniffed and hugged her tight.
"Mom… I love you so much."
"And I love you just as much. Now you better scoot, besides I think Steven was going to talk to Rob this morning."
"Mom! Is there nothing you don't know?"
"Nope! Now scoot, and have a great day."
I hugged her again and she swatted my butt as I gathered up my backpack and new cell phone.
I pedaled toward school and only one thought was in my mind, "WOW!" Wow was right things that I had been so worried about were suddenly of little importance. Then something Mom had said jumped back into my mind. ". . . four or five years ago I would have reacted like most parents."
Did that mean without Steve having the courage to talk with my Mother I would have been treated like most gay boys? I had to admit to myself that was probably true. Because Steve was not her child she listened and not only helped him but became educated that having a gay son was not the end of the world for a parent. It seemed I could not go a day without finding something new that Steve had already helped me with without my even know it.
When I turned onto the school property I saw Steve and Rob standing by the side of Rob's old pickup truck. The last twenty four hours had left me with so much excitement bubbling up inside me I wanted to shout to everyone who was making their way into the school building, "Hay look I'm gay! My Mom loves me and Steve Mitchell loves me!" I said I wanted too, I did not say I was stupid.
Halfway across the car parking lot Steve looked up and saw me coming. He gave me a stern look and waved me off motioning with his hand behind Rob's back so he could not see. A sudden little pain ran through my heart when I knew my lover did not want me involved in their conversation. I could tell Steve was doing most of the talking. Rob seemed to be uneasy with what he was hearing, he stood with his hands in his pockets and not one time looked Steve in the eye. I so wanted to know what they were talking about but I respected Steve's wishes, I owed him that much.
I stepped off my bike and started walking it slowly to the bicycle rack. I chained my bike and the first bell rang. I had five minutes to get to class. Rob and Steve were still huddled close together when I entered the front door. If they did not hurry they were going to be tardy. I stood at the door to my first class until the second bell rang.
"Mr. Rusher if you would be so good as to join the rest of us we would like to get the class underway."
Mr. Stephens was a strict man and punctuality was foremost his requirement.
"Sorry, Mr. Rusher but you will be marked tardy."
"But… "
"No buts! You are to be in your seat when the bell rings not daydreaming at the door."
"Yes Sir."
I made my way to my seat and felt some of the joy from earlier in the morning slip from me. From my seat I could see Rob and my lockers. It was twenty minutes before he came to get his books for his first class.
". . . isn't that right Mr. Rusher?"
I jumped at the sound of my name. I looked at Mr. Stephens and knew I had fucked up with him again.
"I said, is that not right Mr. Rusher?"
"Ah… well… yes… yes it is." I only hoped I could bluff my way out of this.
As soon as I answered the classroom erupted in laughter.
"Mr. Rusher I had made the statement that many young boys have great difficulty concentrating when puberty sets in late in their life. I assume that may be your problem today?"
Again snickers filled the room and I felt my face burn red.
"I'm sorry Sir, it won't happen again."
"Good now you better get with someone and catch up on the notes it is quite obvious you have missed out on some. There will be a quiz first thing tomorrow over today's lecture."
The bell rang and everyone started filing from the room. I never enjoyed sex-ed, and certainly not the first class of the day. It just seemed way too early in the day to be talking about such things.
"Jamie… ah, you can copy my notes."
I looked around and came face to face with Susie McGuire. The little smirk on her face made me want to say something cutting, but I swallowed my pride before I answered.
"Thanks I appreciate that."
"Late puberty huh… is that why you only hang out with Steve?"
"Fuck off Susie I'll get them from someone else."
"Ouuu… a touchy spot huh?"
"Susie, just get the hell off the subject."
She flipped her hair back and walked off whispering something to the girl I had seen her with the other afternoon out by the lake. A hand on my shoulder caused me to turn around.
"Hello." Steve smiled.
"Hi Bud, gosh I've missed you there is so much I am bursting to tell you."
"I guess it will have to wait till lunch, bout time for the next class."
We hurried to our locker and then to class. My history class was not much more enjoyable than sex-ed had been. Mainly because Susie and her friend continued to whisper and give me sly little glances. I was becoming more concerned that they had indeed saw Steve and me having sex in the woods. When the bell rang at the end of history I once more realized my note page was completely blank. I cursed myself for letting something that was only a possibility get to me so much.
By lunchtime my morning high was gone and I was expecting someone to jump out of every corner and yell, "queer." I scanned our customary table as soon as I entered the lunchroom it was empty, no Rob no Steve. I made my way through the lunch line trying to be pleasant with my friends. My mind was so occupied with the days happening I realized that most of the things I had on my tray I did not even like. I picked my way through the crowded room to our table and sat down by myself. I munched slowly on a chip and kept a close watch on the door. A few minutes later I breathed a sigh of relief when they walked in side by side. The smile on Steve's face made my heart feel warm; he looked my way and winked. I could not help but wonder if his wink was flirtation or a sign something good had came out of his conversation with Rob.
When Steve slid in beside me I let my leg press hard against his. His hand sneaked down and squeezed my thigh.
"Well Rob; have a good trip back to Texas?"
"Yeah it was nice, some things were a lot better than when we left."
I could not tell if I had asked the wrong question or not. It seemed I might have hit on a subject he may not be that excited to talk about.
"Say Jamie, words out you finally reached puberty." Steve laughed hard at his own remark.
"I don't think it's one damn bit funny."
Then Rob got into the fun and games.
"What's it like to be a late bloomer?"
"Don't tell me the whole school knows about sex-ed already."
"Just about." Steve snickered
"And I though you were my best bud. Best buds don't have fun at their friend's expense."
I purposely let my head drop as I slowly rearranged my food items with my fork. Steve bumped me with his shoulder.
"I'm sorry Buddy, couldn't help it… I was just having a little fun."
"Got-ya," I chuckled. "First period didn't go that great this morning. I did cause myself a problem or two." I smiled and bumped him back.
Just then the rest of the table filled up with our friends and any conversation I wanted to have was now put on hold. I was glad when the five-minute warning bell finally rang, anything to get me through the rest of the day so I could have Steve to myself.
I was at my locker when Steve walked up.
"Hello."
Gosh! Why had I never notice the way he said 'Hello' before. It was his customary greeting, and had always been, but now it was just soooo sexy. I felt my heart tingle a little at the sound of his sweet 'Hello.'
"Hi." And without thinking I leaned against him.
"Doofus, cool it Susie is watching."
I looked over at Susie standing two lockers away. The look on her face is what finally set me off. Suddenly I was just fed up with her always spying and her little innuendos. I wanted to do something more than just say something, but damn it you can't just go around slugging girls even if that is what they really deserve.
I slipped my arm around Steve's waist and tugged him over close to Susie. By then several of her friends had gathered around sensing something was about to happen.
"Susie McGuire," I said. "I thought introductions might be in order. I was just wondering if you had ever met my boyfriend."
I could feel Steve stiffen in my arm and Susie's mouth dropped open. However, she quickly recovered.
"See… see," she told her friends. "I told you didn't I?"
"I'm sure you have told them something!" I shot back. "And we are damn tired of you sneaking around and gossiping about us. O! By the way everyone! Have you ever noticed that Susie never is around anyone except Beth? Susie, perhaps you would like to introduce all of us to your girlfriend?"
Suddenly the hallway was an uproar of laughter.
"Why… why… you disgusting little pervert!" Susie stammered.
By now Steve had caught my lead, "Guess it takes one to know one, what say Susie?"
While Susie was trying to regain her composure Steve and I turned and walked off. We both breathed a sigh of relief when we stepped out into the open air.
"You think that was a wise thing to do?" Steve asked me.
"I don't know Bud. I just kind of lost my cool for a moment; I mean I am just so damn tired of her always trying to catch us being ourselves. Steve, why do we have to hide like we are some kind of perverts? I love you why can't people just let us be happy?"
"I love you too, but I guess for right now all we can do is keep it to ourselves. Jamie I'm sorry but I just can't take a chance of my parent finding out."
"I know Baby… I know and I am the one who should be sorry."
"K, enough of this feeling sorry crap, come over here."
I followed Steve to the far side of the elementary playground. It took every ounce of willpower to keep from reaching over and take him by the hand as we walked. The joy of earlier in the day was coming back and I was beginning to bask in its warmth. When we reached the picnic area Steve found a secluded spot to sit and pulled be down to sit cross-legged in front of him. He unzipped his backpack and reached inside.
"Happy birthday Baby," he whispered as he took a small package from his pack. There was no way I was going to miss the design on the wrapping, bright red background with two little white hearts intertwined sprinkled randomly across the paper.
"Ah… gosh Steve you're just too much."
"I know," then he chuckled softly.
I elbowed him in the ribs, "Guess you know there is no conceit in your family cause you have it all."
"Hay Baby, flattery will get you anything from me."
Again I carefully unwrapped my present this wrapping was definitely going to be kept in my journal. Steve leaned forward and placed a hand on each of my knees. I looked up and smiled, I was surprised to see those huge crocodile tears in the corners of his eyes again. From where I sat I had a clear view of the playground there was no one in sight and I could contain myself no longer.
"Kiss please," I whispered.
I leaned forward and to my surprise he never hesitated as he met me halfway. Our lips touched so tenderly it was almost like a breath of warm air. We did not French kiss or get overly passionate we just let our lips tenderly move together. I was breathing hard when I sat back to open the small black box I held gently in my hands. Tears had streamed the full length of Steve's cheeks and I thought my heart would burst when I saw them. I took the side of my index finger and collected the one that was about to drip off his chin. When I put it to my lips Steve shuddered hard and I thought for a moment he was going to loose control of himself.
"Steve Mitchell I love you." And I stroked his cheek softly.
I slowly opened the little black box. The late afternoon sun glistened off the gold bracelet inside.
"Oh Steve it's beautiful."
I took it out of the box and held it like I though it was so delicate it would break. In the center of the bracelet was a small flat rectangle medallion with two small heart intertwined engraved on it. I used one hand to squeeze his where it still rested on my knee.
"Steve I love it, thank you sooo much."
Steve took the bracelet and turned it over, on the backside was engraved, You and Me Forever.
"Steve… " I lost it completely the tears came freely and the sobs racked my body.
Steve slid close and took me in his arms. I know we were taking a chance. But I could not help it and neither could he. We were luck that no one walked by, the gods of love truly must have been smiling on us and afforded us the privacy we so desperately needed for a few minutes. When Steve's tongue entered my mouth I could not resist the opportunity to just suck on it. The more I sucked the deeper he tried to push it into my mouth. I lost track of time and all judgment as I nursed on that sweet delectable piece of Steve, his tongue. Only when he shuddered hard and moaned into my mouth did I open my eyes. I felt him shudder again as I released the suction on his tongueue. I leaned back and studied his eyes for a moment.
"Wow Dude, did you just cum?"
Steve blushed and nodded his head, "Uh-huh."
"Cool! I didn't know I was that hot."
"Doofus," Steve smiled and poked me in the tummy with his finger.
I jumped when my new cell phone rang; I fished it from my back pack and watched the smile spread across Steve's face.
"Hello."
"Hi Hon, am I the first to call you?"
"Oh hi Mom, yep the very first."
"Have you saw Steven yet?"
"Yep, right here now."
"Well tell me all about what happened about Rob when you get home, and give Steven a kiss for me."
"Mom!"
"Oh come on this may be a little new to me, but I'm not dumb. Have fun, see you later. Bye."
"Bye Mom."
I leaned over and gave Steve a kiss.
"Mom said for me to give you a kiss for her."
"You're kidding?"
"Nope. Like my cell? Mom gave it to me this morning for my birthday."
Steve too the phone and flipped it open. "Cool… way cool."
He entered his cell number in the phonebook and handed it back.
"Baby I have to get someplace where I can take my wet underwear off before they soak through to my jeans. If Mom smells what I just did there will be hell to pay."
"You mean you could get in trouble for just jacking off?"
"Uh-huh, they think that is just as bad as what they thought we were doing that night years ago. They… they caught me jacking off once… it was two days before I could come back to school cause I couldn't sit down."
"Oh Honey… why don't you just come live with us like Mom wants you too?"
"How… how do you know about that?"
"Oh I forgot, I haven't had a chance to tell you about what Mom and I talked about this morning."
I began at the very beginning of this morning and told him almost word for word what Mom and I had talked about. When I finished he leaned over and hugged me again.
"Oh Baby… you have the greatest mother in the world."
"I know and she could be yours too if you would let her use the power the courts have given to her."
"I know Baby… I know but you just don't understand. You see I really do love Mom and Dad."
"But how?"
"I don't know… I probably shouldn't but I just do. They are the ones who gave me life and without that life I never would have been able to know and love you. And besides they are just trying to do what they think is right for me."
"Steve… I just can't understand, not the way they beat you that can't be love from them."
"I don't know either Baby, I've tried to convince myself I don't love them but deep down I really do. Now I have to get these shorts off my jizz is starting to soak through." He chuckled a little and stood up.
We walked back to our bikes and again the urge to hold his hand was almost overpowering. I could not help but wonder how I had been chosen to have a boy who possessed such a capacity to love fall in love with me.
"Oh by the way, Rob will be a lot more talkative tomorrow while you guys are at work."
"You care to tell me more?"
"Just take my word, I think you are going to enjoy this weekend."
"Steve… what have you done?"
"Oh nothing… like I said just relax and enjoy the weekend. But you have to tell me all about it on Monday."
"Steve I don't want to enjoy a weekend with anyone but you. I know now who I love and I will always be faithful to you."
Steve smiled and put his arm over my shoulders, "I'm sure you will, let's just wait and see how you feel Monday."
"Steve… Please!"
"Nope, my lips are sealed." And he made a little gesture like he was closing a zipper over his lips. "Now hurry I've got to get these things off. Oh, by the way in the morning just let Rob bring up the subject. K?"
"K."
I knew it was useless to try to get him to tell me more. Besides I could tell he was enjoying what he knew and I did not know. What I really did not like was the fact it promised to be another sleepless night trying to figure out just what lay ahead for me the next morning.
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