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You are here: Home > Writing challenges > Face at the Window, Chapter 2

Face at the Window, Chapter 2

by Charlie Smith and The Alienist

I looked at my reflection in the car window as the scenery passed. Our holiday was over, and the 2 weeks had been very strange indeed. At first, I had been sure that I would be bored out of my mind without Tom. I was also petrified at the thought of what Tom was thinking and saying to people back home in Burnley. Was he telling all our mates that I was a poof? Was he busy making new friends that wouldn’t include anything of me or our long history of friendship? Were the chicken pox "political" as Mum had wondered, or were they really the reason Tom hadn’t come on this trip? What would I be facing before the end of this day? I wanted the time to fly so I could find out.

But time had certainly not flown recently, especially in the limbo I’d been in for most of the past two weeks. I’d had only two days with Phil! Those forty-eight short hours had changed my life, and opened my eyes to what I was, who I wanted to be. I was so much more aware of my feelings, my body, and myself. I wasn’t confused about my sexuality anymore, that’s for damn sure! But Phil hadn’t just showed me what a wonder sex was. He had shown me my own soul, through his eyes. Phil had loved my body, and loved who I was. He was the first person I had ever been completely open and honest with, including even myself. And then he was gone! Poof! Well, maybe a poor choice of words there, but you know what I mean.

And that kiss! That kiss in full view of the whole fucking resort, in front of my parents, Phil’s Aunt and Uncle. I didn’t give a shit about what anybody thought right then. Right during the kiss, I mean. But then Phil got on the bus and rode out of my life. Yes, I had put my address and phone number in his suitcase when he wasn’t looking. But the way we’d left it, we weren’t supposed to have any deep feelings for each other. It was all supposed to be over, just like this holiday. Phil was sure scared about his family finding out that he’s gay. I wonder what his Aunt and Uncle had told his parents about us...What had Phil said to them? Did he think about me at all? Would he contact me? I hoped so. But I also wanted him to be happy. And if "happy" meant forgetting me, then so be it. But I was pretty sure I was more to him than his usual summer fuck.

"Simon, what are you thinking about?" Mum asked.

"Ummm...nothing...everything..." I kept looking out the window.

Dad piped up from the front seat, "Are you worried about Tom?"

"Yeah...and still missing Phil, too..."

I had told them everything about what had happened with Tom and me before we left home. I couldn’t very well NOT tell them I was gay, not after that kiss. What a scene that had been.

I had looked at my parents, and shouted, "Don't say a word, just don't say a word!"

I ran up to my room, throwing myself on the bed and crying into the pillow. I was pretty sure that the world as I had known it was well and truly fucked forever.

There was a knock on the door.

"Go away." I knew I would have to face them sooner or later. I just wanted pretty desperately for it to be later. Much later. Another knock on my door.

"I said go away."

There was yet another knock, this time followed by my dad's voice.

"Simon, open the door, we need to talk."

"Well I don't want to talk, so go away."

"No we're not going to go away, so open the door. Nothing terrible is going to happen here. We want to talk, that’s all."

I got off the bed and opened it a crack.

"Don't start lecturing me like you usually do."

Dad raised his hands, his body language agreeing to my terms. Thank God. I opened the door the rest of the way. They both came in as I went back to my bed.

"We haven't come to lecture you Simon, we just want to know what's going on!" My mum said.

"Isn't it obvious what's going on? I'm gay. So is Phil. We... felt...things... for each other."

Dad sighed and sat down in a chair, while my mum sat on the side of my bed stroking my hair. They didn’t look like they were going to kill me. I didn’t know what to think.

Mum said, "I had no idea you were gay, how long have you known?"

"Not long, just before we came away."

"Is that what happened with Tom? Is that why he said that he had Chickenpox?"

"Yeah, maybe. I told him that I loved him."

My father spoke up. "Oh Simon, I’m so sorry!" "Yeah I know, that was a stupid thing to say, you don't need to tell me."

Dad sat up straight in the chair and declared, "That’s not what I meant at all! Love is a very special thing, and I am sorry that Tom didn’t feel the same as you."

My mum and I both said, "Huh?" in unison.

"I must confess that I’ve suspected something like this for quite some time. I wanted you, Simon, to always feel that you could confide in us. About anything."

My mum looked shocked. "How could you think such a thing and not talk to me about it?"

Of course, I was wondering the same thing. My father had considered the possibility that I was gay? How had he known? How had I given it away? I hadn’t even told myself yet, for Christ’s sake!

"Helen, I wasn’t sure enough to say something, and I didn’t want to worry you about anything unnecessarily. But Simon, couldn’t you tell that I was hinting around about the subject from time to time? I did try, you know..."

"You mean when you wondered if that boy in the dining room was gay?"

My father just nodded his head. "And then I said to you that I thought it would be difficult for him to talk about it with his family if he was, don’t you remember that?"

"Yeah, now that you mention it...But how did you know...?" I suddenly started to get teary, which I really hate.

Neither of them said anything more right then, but my mum nursed me just like she did when I was little, when I fell off my bike. It was such a comfort, but I couldn't quite believe it all was happening. My Mum and Dad spent most of the day with me, just cuddling me and talking. They basically said they wanted me to be happy and to have a good life, whether I loved boys or girls. My Dad didn’t care a fig about that detail, and my Mum agreed, as soon as she got over the shock.

"Come on Simon, you have a shower and get ready for tonight."

It was one of those barbeque nights where you could drink as much plonk as you wanted, maybe I would forget my troubles and get pissed. So I did. Try, at least. I did have a lot of plonk to drink, but no matter how much I drank I couldn't get drunk. It must have been watered down.

When we all got back to the hotel. I said, "I'm just going for a walk."

"O/k, don't be late, Simon."

"O/k Mum." Sheesh, it sounded so normal. Like nothing much had happened all day long!

I walked along the beach with that lighthouse and it's insistent blinking beacon. I found myself opposite the disco I went to that first night with Phil. I decided to go in, as I still had some cash. I got a bottle of Spanish beer and stood there watching everyone else having fun. I drank my beer and started to miss Phil. And since nothing else very interesting was going to happen, I walked back to the hotel.

The rest of the holiday was pretty much just like that. Talking about my most private thoughts and feelings with my parents, and trying to amuse myself alone while the time passed. That, plus wanking myself silly thinking about all sorts of sex with a surreal combination of Phil and Tom. Once, I even fantasized Phil and Tom and I doing it as a threesome.

And then the holiday was over, and here we were in a car and a plane and another car.

And then we were home.

TOM’S JOURNAL

It’s been such a strange three weeks. There I was, a happily oblivious 16-year-old schoolboy, content with my friends and with school and life in general. I never questioned that Simon was my best mate ever. But then I’d woken up to find him stroking my face and saying that he was in love with me. In bloody LOVE with me, for God’s sake. Shit, did I run away from that! I told him that I didn’t want him to be in love with me, that it scared me.

But why did it scare me so much? That question became my obsession for the next week. I avoided Simon, but thought of nobody else day or night. I had always thought that some girl would fall for me, and I’d fall for her, and we’d shag like rabbits and get married and live happily ever after. But it had been a boy falling for me. I didn’t feel disgusted about it. I was scared. Why was I scared? That’s when I noticed that I had never actually fallen for any girls myself. Never, not even once.

And that’s when I decided that it was far too dangerous to go to the Canaries with Simon and his parents. Not that I was bothered any more about Simon being in love with me. I trusted him. If I told him that I just didn’t feel that way about him, and it was hands off, he’d agree. I was sure that he would manage to control himself and just be best friends like before. So it wasn’t him that I was worried about. It was me. My own feelings. Why had I never fallen for a girl? Why was I scared of Simon all of a sudden? So I had begged and pleaded with my parents to tell Simon’s folks that I was sick and couldn’t go.

My mum had been very puzzled about it all. She hadn’t been able to see what would cause such a major falling out after six months of planning and anticipation and money saving. But she had finally seen what distress I was in, and she made the call. Chicken pox. What nonsense. How could Simon have really believed that excuse? It was soo transparent. But that’s what we told them, and off they went flying to the sea and sand. Leaving me to my obsessing.

Wanna know something weird about me? When I wank, I usually don’t think of anything except just how good it feels. No fantasies about beautiful babes doing me. I’d noticed the absence after I began being scared of Simon, and so I’d started trying for the babes in my wank fantasies. I wasn’t successful. Babes made my dick soften. Or maybe it wasn’t the girls. Maybe it was the fear?

Today is the day that Simon is supposed to be getting home. I’ll have to face him pretty soon. What do I say? I don’t even know what I’m feeling myself. Shit. The phone just rang.

"Hullo, Tom. It’s me. I’m home."

"Hullo, Simon. Was it a good trip?"

"Yes and no...How’s your chicken pox?"

"Umm..well, err..."

"Look Tom, this is stupid. Can I come over, please? So we can talk about it? Please?"

"Simon, I don’t....I mean, I want..."

"Tom, I promise. We’ll just talk. I won’t jump your bones or anything. I’m not dangerous. O/K?"

"O/K. Come over. I’m sorry I’m being so stupid..."

"Just wait until I get there, and we’ll talk. I have a lot to tell you. See you in a few."

I could see Tom’s face in the window of his room as I walked up the steps to his house. I knew this house so well, and yet it felt like another life since I had been here last. He was waiting for me, he opened the door before I could even knock. He must have raced down the stairs to get there before me.

"Hi."

"Hi, come on in," He was having trouble looking at me, and he was blushing. I followed Tom up the stairs to his room. The door shut the rest of the world out, and we were alone together for the first time in weeks. For the first time since I had told him I was in love with him.

"Look, Simon, about the chicken pox..."

"Political?"

"What?"

"Political chicken pox. Not a disease, just a polite excuse. That’s what my mum wondered when you begged off the trip. So was it political, or the real thing?"

Tom slumped onto his bed, and muttered, "Political..."

I started to sit down next to him on the bed, and thought better of it. I steered myself to the desk chair instead, And asked him, "Are you really afraid of me?"

"Yeah..."

"Why? I tried to tell you I was sorry about touching you that way...I promise I won’t do that again. Does that help?"

"Yeah, I suppose so..."

"What do you mean? You don’t trust me?"

"He looked up at me and said, "Of course I trust you. I trust you more than anybody else in the world. But this is all really weird for me."

"Yeah, for me too, Tom. I’ve only been gay for a few weeks. I mean, I’ve only known about it for that long. Can I tell you about it? Please? I want you to understand about me. Not because I love you. Just because I’ve always been able to talk to you about everything before. O/K?"

"Yeah, of course. Tell me about it. I’ll try and stick with you. Can I ask questions?" A glimmer of a smile, a ghost of the way we usually are together. It gave me hope.

So I told him all about it. Everything about what I have come to understand about myself. Everything about Phil. Everything except the specifics of the sex bits. I decided I’d better save that for later. But I told him everything else.

Tom was incredulous. "You told your parents everything, too?"

"Yeah, I had to. They saw me kissing him, after all."

"And you told them about falling for me?"

"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I?"

"Well, I dunno, it seems kind of private, like. Sort of strange to have them know that about us."

"Us? What do you mean?" Now my own heart was beating faster!

"Huh? Oh, nothing. I mean, it’s weird that you talked to them about me and all..."

"But I didn’t! I told them about me."

"Oh. Right, I get it..."

"So, Tom, what about you? What do you think about all this?"

"Me? What do you mean?"

I heaved a big sigh. "I MEAN, what are you thinking about me now? About you and me?"

"I don’t want to lose your friendship. I missed you while you were on holiday."

"And?" I prompted.

"And...that’s all I know right now. I’m really confused about a lot of shit, o/k?"

"What are you confused about, Tom?"

And now he heaved the big sigh. "I don’t know, really."

"Tom, talk to me about this! You’ve always told me everything about you, same as I have always told you everything about me. Come on, spill! What’s the deal? Why are you so spooked about me?"

"Look, Simon, it’s not just you. O/K?"

"I’m the one that’s gay, remember? Of course, it must be me!"

"Everything isn’t always about YOU, ya know! This affects me too!" His eyes were blazing.

"I thought you said you trusted me not to try anything with you?" And I was heating up too.

"Simon, I DO trust you. It’s me confused here, o/k? I’m confused about me. Scared about me, not you."

Light began to dawn. I gulped and said, "You mean, you think you’re..."

He cut me off. "STOP!! Don’t go there, please. I said, I DON"T KNOW! I don’t know anything about me anymore. Don’t press it right now. O/K?"

Boy, did I ever understand that feeling. The unknown abyss. "O/K. I promise I won’t press. But you gotta keep talking to me about what you think. I felt exactly the same as this, ya know."

"Yeah, I know. That’s what scares me."

I tried to smile, and said, "Friends forever?" It was our line, the one certain thing we’d always had between us.

Tom replied, "Friends forever. Anything else, I’ll have to get back to you about later." But he smiled. He looked relieved. That’s how I felt, too.

But I needed to press a little bit. "Tom, I’m gonna keep being gay around you."

"Huh?"

"I’m gonna still be myself, and tell you what I’m feeling and thinking about everything. I need you to be able to take that, o/k? It might be hard for you, cuz you’re confused about yourself. I’ll try and help you about your shit, but I’m not going back into the closet anymore. I’m out. O/k?"

"Well, as long as you don’t take out adverts or something..."

And that’s when we could both laugh together again. It’d been a really long time since we had been able to do that.

Then I had a brilliant thought. "Hey! Can we please do something normal?"

Tom raised his eyebrows and replied, "Like what?"

"Let’s dig your tent out and go camping for a couple of nights. We haven’t done that since last summer, and it’s still holidays, right?"

"Huh! Some holidays so far! Good idea. Where should we go?"

We got the map out for Lancashire and perused it.

"What about the Lakes?" Tom said.

"Too far." I replied.

"O/k." Back to the map.

"What about Morecambe?"

"Are you kidding, Tom? That’s for old geezers and pensioners."

"Right. Good point." Back to the map.

"What about Blackpool, Tom?"

"Yeah, that should be o/k. Whereabouts in Blackpool can we camp, though?"

"I’ll phone tourist information."

I did, and the lady said that there was a campsite right next to the airport. It wouldn’t be too expensive, plus there would be plenty of room.

We settled on all the details, and I went home to get permission, pack, and get ready emotionally as well. It felt soo good to me to be connected to Tom again, and to be doing something together that we both already knew we loved. I knew there would be hard work ahead with him, but I felt much better. I even allowed myself to fantasize a little bit that night about what could happen between us if Tom settled his confusion in my favour, so to speak.

Did I say ‘fantasize just a little bit?’ Hah! Loads, actually. Get it, ‘loads?’

And that’s how we came to be seated on the 10am train the next morning. Luckily, this one went straight through. You usually had to change, and with all the stuff we had in our backpacks that was a blessing.

We chatted about all the things we were to do when we got there. Normal chatter helps anxiety soo much, doesn’t it? We got off at the station next to the campsite.

When we got to reception it was closed, 12 till 1.30, so we went to have a drink and a sandwich. We couldn’t go far because of our fucking rucksacks. At 1.30 we went back to reception to check in.

"How long you staying, boys?"

"One night, possibly two," I replied, as we filled out our registration forms.

When she saw where we came from she said, "Oh, there are three other boys on site 7 from Burnley. I’ll put the two of you on site 8, you might know them."

We agreed without thinking much about it, and she then gave us the key for the toilet and shower block.

We found our site; and sure enough there was a bright green 4-man Ridge Tent next door to ours. There was no sign of the occupants, though. Well, it was the middle of the day. So they couldn’t still be in bed. Unless they got really blotto last night! So they must be out and about. Tom and I wondered who our neighbors were as we unpacked and got set up. I joked with Tom about how he obviously still had no idea how to put the fucking thing up. We eventually managed to erect it with a great deal of difficulty. It was a 3-man tent so we had plenty of room.

Tom decided to go and have a shower. While he was away I got my football magazine out. I had been reading at the picnic table for about 5 minutes when I heard a lot of laughter and shouting coming in my direction. As the group got nearer I could hear what they were talking about.

"Harry, will you and Steve please make a little less noise tonight when you have your shag?"

"Steve and me don’t shag, we make love!"

"Well make less noise, then, whatever the hell it is!"

"Oh, like you don’t make any noise when you wank, do you?"

I couldn’t believe my ears. Did I just hear that? My God, I knew Steve and Harry. They went to my school. But who was the other one? I had read about that gaydar thing, is my gaydar working or what?

I decided to have a look, to see if it was really the same guys. Just as I went out I heard the third boy saying, "I don’t wank! Not in the tent, anyhow."

He stopped dead as I emerged from our site area and became visible to them. Gawd he was gorgeous. Harry and Steve came over to me and said, "Hi Simon, how’s you? What you doing here?" They were acting sooo casual, like we met this way all the time.

"I’m cool, how’s yourself?" I asked, trying to act just as casual and looking daggers at the dream guy.

"We’re cool, Sy. Oh, this is Ant, our best mate."

I held out my hand. He took it gingerly, and shook it. As our hands held each other’s, we held eye contact like I’d only ever done once before. With Phil. And it was happening again. I couldn’t see any sparks but I could certainly feel them. Tom got pushed right out of my thoughts, in the blink of those intense dark eyes.

"How long you gonna stay here, Sy?" Steve said.

"Oh, we’ve just come for a night or two."

"We?" Harry said.

"Yeah, I’ve come with Tom, my best mate. He’s in the shower at the moment."

I couldn’t keep my eyes of Ant, he was a dream. He was about 5’10’ with very dark brown eyes. Steve had brown eyes too, but not as good as Ant’s. He had a beautiful tan, and he was a little stocky, but certainly not fat. Built, that’s a good word for him. He had a completely different look than Tom. Ant was all dark Italian good looks, and Tom was all peaches and creme blond with blue eyes. So I was a bit startled that I found Ant to be soo sexy.

He had a pair of shorts on. Which of course I noticed. His legs were kind of hairy, nothing like Tom, who was all smooth like. Ant also had a tee shirt on, a white tee shirt, and I could see his nipples through them. They drew my eyes like magnets. I could here Steve talking to me, but I have no idea what he was saying.

"Simon, are you o/k?"

"Er, oh sorry, what did you say?"

"Never mind, it doesn’t matter." And he giggled.

I saw Harry and Steve give each other a significant glance, then back at Ant and me.

He and I were still looking at each other when Tom got back, and broke the spell.

"Hey, it’s you two, is it?" Tom said to Steve and Harry.

"Yep, it’s us three," Harry said.

"Oh, sorry, aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?"

"Tom, this is Ant." "Ant, this is Tom."

"Hi, Ant." "Hi, Tom."

Through all the proper intro’s, Ant was still looking at me and I was still looking at Ant. The air felt pretty thick or something. Harry came over and said to Ant, "We going, or have you taken root there?"

They all went back to their tent site. Me and Tom went back to ours.

I couldn’t get over what I’d just heard and felt with our neighbours. They didn’t look gay, but Harry and Steve definitely were. And Ant, he didn’t look gay either, but there was something electric in the air between us, and that wasn’t just ‘new mates’ shit.

"What was all that about?" Tom said.

"All what?"

"Those three. What’s the story? Everybody was acting weird."

"What do you mean?" I was trying to play dumb. If everybody was gay in this group, Tom might wig out on me or something.

"What were you all talking about?"

"I don’t remember now."

"Oh, o/k then. Be that way, if you want..." He was clearly pouting and puzzled.

I didn’t rise to that bait, so Tom decided to change the subject. "What’re we doing now, Simon?"

"I don’t know, you decide."

"O/k, I’m hungry, how about going to McDonalds?"

"Yeah, good idea. Shall we ask Harry, Steve, and that Ant if they want to come with us?"

"O/k then, if we must. Will we spend the whole time with them, or what?"

"Stop being such a twat. They look like good company, that’s all. I’ll go ask them."

As I got near their tent I listened to see if I could hear what they were saying. I could! And this is what I heard...

"What did you have to say that for, in front of Simon?" Ant said.

"Well it was you that started it with saying that we shagged!"

"You DO shag, or make love as you call it. I wouldn’t mind shagging that Simon though; he’s lovely, isn’t he? Every time I see a guy I’d like to shag, he’s always got a boyfriend, or he’s straight. Do you think Simon and Tom are boyfriends? With my luck, they are."

"Hard to tell so far. But Simon surely knows about Steve and me now! He didn’t seem to be bothered about it. We’ll try to get you fixed up as soon as we can, then you’ll be like us," Harry said.

"I don’t think I’ll ever be like you two, you’re like an old marred couple."

And I stood there outside their tent thinking, my God, they ARE all gay, and Ant too. Tom will really flip out when he learns that he’s totally outnumbered!

On the other hand, I also was hoping that this would encourage Tom to peek outside of his shell a bit. Or was that just my excuse to spend more time with Ant? Do I run away, or do I go in and face them? Go in! Go in!

"Hello, can I come in, guys?"

It all went quiet in the tent again, and Steve opened the flap.

"Oh hi again, Simon! Come in!"

"Thanks."

The first thing I noticed when I ducked into the tent was that two sleeping bags had been put together, and that the other one was as far away as it could possibly be. It also smelt of something, I wasn’t sure what it was at first. Then I realized! It was cum, and Phil said that for the smell of cum to turn me on I must be really gay. And here I was standing, with three boys who were also gay, and Ant was looking for a boyfriend, too.

Steve and Harry saw me looking at the sleeping bags. They looked at each other, then at Ant.

"Sit down, Sy," Harry said.

I made sure that I sat on Ant’s sleeping bag.

"There is something that we need to tell you, then if you don’t like it you can go back to your tent if you want."

"O/k, what’s up, then?" Although I already knew, of course.

"Harry and I are gay, and very much in love, and Ant is gay, too." Steve said.

"I figured that out already. I’m really happy for you two."

"You’re o/k with that?"

"Yeah, very o/k with that, no problem at all." Now, do I tell them that I’m gay myself or not? Not. Stupid maybe, but I just wasn’t ready to say it out loud like that. Despite what I’d said to Tom about being out of the closet. I guess there must be something like "half way out" as well. Whatever. It’s very difficult just being yourself, isn’t it?

So I dodged the bullet, and said, "Tom and I were wondering if you would like to come with us to McDonald’s?"

"We’d love to come with you, wouldn’t we guys?" Ant said for them. And I noticed that he seemed intensely eager about it. YEAH!

"Yeah, we’d love to come," they both agreed, with a laugh. And Steve rolled his eyes at Harry. I tried not to notice. But Ant surely did.

We gathered our wallets and keys and such, and went across to Tom. And off we went. Tom was kind of quiet and sullen, the rest of us chattering away like old friends. After two big Macs, large French fries, and large drinks each, we were all walking back when we passed an off license.

"How about we get some vodka and coke?" Ant suggested. We discussed who looked 18, and agreed that it was Steve. The rest of us stood away from the shop so that they couldn’t see us from inside. Success! With alcohol and other supplies in hand, we walked back to the campsite, all eager to have a drink. Tom and I agreed to go to their tent. It was bigger. We sat outside of the sleeping bags. We didn’t need them, as it was a warm night. And we all got our mugs out, just a little vodka and a load of coke.

Ant still had his shorts on, and he was sitting opposite me so I could see all the way up his legs. I could see that he had a pair of red bikini underpants on. Plus the bulge of his balls in them. God what a sight! I kept looking up to his eyes too, and when I did, he was looking back at me. Steve and Harry were seated next to each other, of course. Tom was next to me, but I wasn’t thinking much about him, was I? As the night went on the measure of vodka got bigger and the coke less and less. As we each took our turns filling each other’s mugs, Ant and me got nearer and nearer somehow, till we were sitting next to each other.

Tom looked the odd man out, seated on his own like he was. And he looked like he was feeling that way, too. But at this moment I couldn’t give a shit about Tom, the only person I was interested in was Ant.

Soon enough it was time to go to bed. I wished that I could stay with Ant, but of course that would have been awkward. I felt really drunk as we all said our goodnights. I was looking at Ant, wanting to kiss him and I got the feeling that he felt the same, too.

It was a struggle to pull myself away from him. I don’t know about "brewer’s droop", alcohol certainly didn’t have that effect on me.

All good things must come to an end, and I couldn’t think of an excuse not to, so Tom and I said our good nights and headed off into the night.

"Did you see how Simon looked at Ant?" Steve whispered to Harry, when they were in their sleeping bag, all cozy in the dark. The portable radio was playing in the background.

"And how Ant looked at Simon, too."

"Yeah, for sure! Tom looks straight though, doesn’t he?"

"No I’m not so sure about that. He looked like he might be jealous of our Ant here, perhaps. Hey babe, how about next time we come away like this we’ll bring our own tent?"

"Yeah, then we don’t have to be so damn quiet. Can we do this anyhow?" We were all whispers and giggles as we started touching and feeling each other.

"I’m sure Ant will be wanking tonight, the way he was flirting with Simon, and I do think Tom could be gay, you know."

"Well I don’t think so, Steve."

"I do, H."

"God, Steve I love you doing that to me right there in that spot, and I don’t think he is."

"I love you too H, and I think he isn’t...You mean right here, in this little place?"

"O/k we’ll agree to differ...ohhhh, that’s the right spot, for sure...don’t stop..."

"Your wish is my command!"

Just then a song came on the radio, by the Everly Brothers, "The Air that I Breathe."

"That just says it all, Steve."

"I know. It’s gotta be our song."

They kept hugging and rubbing and stroking each other, and they both had a quiet giggle as they heard Ant grunting away, perhaps unaware that they could here him.

Harry got the Nivea out of his backpack, and passed it to Steve, and they did make love, very quietly. After all, they’d had loads of practice doing it quiet-like. And "loads" is just the right word, once again!

STEVE’S JOURNAL

Laying there in the dark, next to my boyfriend, feeling the afterglow of love-making...can there be any better place to be? Nope. After about 10 minutes I heard Harry softly snoring, and I fell asleep, too. Not the usual sleep though, it was one of those times where you’re not asleep but you’re not awake either. Sort of how I imagine everything if you were hypnotized.

My mind drifted back to my childhood. Both my parents were now in their 50s, not old I know, but to a 16-year-old guy that was ancient. I was what my mum called a love child; they didn’t plan my birth at all.

You could say that I was slightly spoilt, but I would have loved a brother or sister. I found it hard to make friends and socialize, unlike Harry. But my parents loved me very much, and my childhood was idyllic. I was in the Cubs, I used to love going to the local swimming pool where I could watch all my friends running round naked. I was around twelve when I realized I was gay. That came as a total shock, and there was no one I could talk it over with. I approached a lady teacher I liked at the time, but was told that she couldn’t help me. After that, I didn’t try to talk to anybody else about it for a long time. I felt so isolated and alone back then.

The first time I remember seeing Harry, he was playing football for the school under thirteen’s. He was in a higher set that me; he was cleverer than I was academically. And the things he could do with that ball! He’s still good at playing with balls now. Hehehe.

He had loads of friends and was very popular, and was in with the in crowd. I looked on the team board every week to see if he’d been picked, and there he was. He played in every match. He was so small and thin that when the ground got heavy to play on in February or March, he found it very difficult. But he was still picked, though. I watched him grow into a beautiful boy.

It was no surprise to me that Harry didn’t notice me. I couldn’t think of anything to do about it other than adore him from afar. Then my dad got a good job in Manchester, and they talked about moving away. No, no! I don’t want to move away, not from my Harry. Even if he wasn’t aware of my existence! But in the end it was decided that we stay for two reasons. One was the price of property, the other was that I was in a damn good school, there weren’t that many good grammar schools left now.

Then when we started back at school, I found myself in Harry’s set. I had done that well the previous term. He had inspired me to try and get closer to him by studying harder. He still didn’t notice me even then.

We had science together. I used to gaze at him all the time in that class. He didn’t ignore me; he just didn’t know I was there. It was sweet agony being with him there like that. He would look round the room and see me staring at him. I would smile at him, but he would just look away. He didn’t know I was in love with him, of course.

Then the teacher gave us an assignment to do together. Being with him like that, close up for the first time, I thought he must be straight. And I despaired. We got on o/k, and while we were working on the assignment I showed him my room. I loved him in it, but he didn’t say much at all. Only talked about the work we were doing. We came second to some girls on the projects, and we had to have our photo taken with all those that came first, second, and third. I noticed that he was a little uncomfortable with the girls. I hadn’t seen that before, but it made me happy.

And then I managed to get myself to the football match where I finally got my Harry to notice me. And then the movie we went to, and the coming out to each other. But Harry’s gonna tell you about all that in just a bit.

Since we’ve been together, I’ve got more confident and assured. Plus I came out to my mum and dad. They don’t like it, but it’s my life, and I can’t live it for their benefit. They are not as supportive as Harry’s parents are, but as Harry’s mum said, give them time, they’ll come round.

I woke myself up a bit more right then, and had a soft feel in Harry’s crotch. Sure enough, hard as a rock. He always has a bona while he’s asleep, and this time was no exception.

TOM'S JOURNAL---THE OTHER TENT

I was drunk. I was jealous. That fucking Ant, coming on to Simon. Anybody could see it. Hell, Harry and Steve were encouraging it. They were all so damn happy to be gay. To be together. Simon obviously flattered by all the attention from Ant. Bloody bastards, both of them. All of them. I was pissed off. I wanted Simon all to myself. Then I realized why.

Oh my God.

There’s that question answered, then. Flashbulb over my head, or what? I must be really drunk, but maybe I also want to have Simon. Not just as a best friend. All of a sudden I was hornier than I have ever been in my whole life.

We helped each other back toward the tent, we were that drunk. We lurched our way to the loo, and I couldn’t help watching him as he fumbled with his fly. And I looked closely at how he held himself as he pissed and groaned in relief. He didn’t notice that I was watching. He was half hard, and I’d never seen him in that state before, for sure. Well, if I had, I wasn’t noticing back then like I am now. He had a little trouble pushing his dick back into his shorts. I found myself stifling an offer to assist.

Oh my God. I’ve got a stiffie as well.

I want sex with him. With a guy. With my best friend. With Simon.

Back in the tent, he managed to drag his tee shirt and shoes and socks off before flopping down onto his sleeping bag. It was warm enough so that he was sweating slightly, spread-eagled on his back. He didn’t say a word, only began deep breathing as he sunk into the depths of drunken oblivion.

And there I was watching his chest rise and fall, noticing things I’d never seen about him before. His nipples were pointy. How could I never have seen that before? His rib cage as it outlined his flat abs. His hips as they kept his low-riding shorts from falling off him. And yes, of course, the tent that was also thrusting up from below his canvas belt.

I didn’t even think about it. No agonizing over the decision. I just turned out the lamp and moved my sleeping bag over next to his, as close as I could, and lay down next to him. I sort of watched myself as I did it. Observed myself slither out of my clothes. All of them, even my boxers. I was naked next to Simon. Hard as nails. I caressed my erection and my ballsack and felt what it was like to be naked next to my best friend in the entire world. To be turned on by him. To want him to wake up.

Wake up, right now.

And then I realized that I had said it out loud, and I cringed. What if he DID wake up right now, and found me naked right next to him? Well, he did say that he was in love with me, didn’t he? Isn’t this what he wanted? I sure as shit want the same thing. Fuck that Ant, anyhow. I want Simon for myself.

I nudged him in the ribs with my elbow. Testing the waters, I guess. He snorted and heaved a sigh.

But he didn’t wake up.

I rolled onto my side and wriggled myself as close to him as I could. My head was on his shoulder, his breathing softly tickled my ear. That gave me goose bumps all over. My hard-on rubbed into his hip, into the material of his shorts. I softly brought my fingertips to rest on his chest, and brushed them over his nipples like a feather. They hardened. I seemed to get harder as well.

I suddenly hated his shorts. Did I dare? I definitely did dare. Awkwardly, with one hand, I undid his belt and his fly. His shorts spread out, revealing the briefs underneath. Blue ones. Big blue bulge, I thought to myself, and giggled. God, was I drunk. And horny.

I pulled his shorts southward, and they slowly emerged from underneath his arse, as he lay there oblivious to me stripping him. I got creative, and used my foot as a hook to push the shorts all the way down and off. Just the briefs separated me from Simon’s crotch. My own erection rubbed on his flesh now, that smooth hip of his felt like heaven.

Of course I dared. Forever, it seemed; I slowly and tentatively felt round the pouch of those briefs. Lightly brushed up and down his torso, as much of it as I could reach. Suddenly more sure of myself, I poked and prodded and kneaded his hard-on until it was pointed right toward his navel, and the front of his briefs was getting wet...a little damp ring grew around the tip of his hard shaft. Pre-cum! I was getting through to him, even in his sleep!

I put my fingers down into his briefs, and lifted upward. His dick popped out of the top like a jack-in-the-box, and quivered in the moonlight. It seemed to radiate heat as it throbbed and bobbed there. So of course, I had to ditch the briefs, didn’t I? I used the same foot as before to push them down and off of his supine torso. My thigh rubbed across his erection as I did so, and I groaned to myself. I pushed my thigh down onto his hard pole, and felt myself burst like a dam. I pumped five or six bursts of sticky hot fluid into Simon’s side, and felt it slide down between us onto the sleeping bags. I was thrusting and my body jolted like electrodes were attached to me. I was groaning into his neck, and licked it with my tongue Salty. Tasty.

But Simon slept on, snoring lightly. He couldn’t possibly be faking that. But he is so hard, still! And so am I. Not the usual shrinkage after a good cum. Still hard. Jesus. Amazing. So of course, I kept on exploring. I fondled and rubbed and tried to see what I could without turning on the flashlight. His glans was totally clear of his foreskin, and I discovered that I loved rubbing it up and down on his shaft. His was thick and stubby. Mine was the same length, but slender and straight. I’d never done this to any other dick than my own. His balls were drawn up in their sack, the skin wrinkly and wonderful beneath my fingers, the hairs on them so soft and smooth. Not crinkly as I would have expected.

Suddenly just having him lay there like a corpse wasn’t enough for me. I pulled him over onto his side facing me. Pathetic, I know, but that’s what I did. I moved him so he appeared to be hugging me, one of his arms over onto my back, the other well under him and out of the way. One of his legs over my waist, hanging in the air behind me. Swaying as I moved against him. Perfect position for our two hard-ons to rub together as I flexed my hips. Between his pre-cum and my first load, there was plenty of lube, and no friction. I studied how it felt to slide my dick against his.

His breath suddenly caught in his throat, and for the first time, he moved to hold me tighter against him of his own accord. His hips thrust into mine, once, twice, three times, and he stiffened. His whole body became rigid, and he moaned wordlessly and erupted between us. I found myself rubbing harder and harder, groaning pretty loudly, too. I kissed him as I moaned. I couldn’t help it. It seemed like there should be noise from my mouth as well as lava from my dick. I came again. The whole bottom half of our bodies was slick with sweat and cum.

I lay there and felt the cheeks of his arse with my free hand and just quietly moved against him, softly, in my own afterglow, since Simon was sleeping thru his. And I felt sorry for myself. Wishing he would wake up. Wishing I were dead. Wishing he were a girl, and that I could be excited by that thought. How could I not have known this? Why did it take my best friend to show me this part of myself? Why couldn’t he be awake for it when it happened?

I began to cool down, and it was getting chilly and sticky and smelled like a brothel. Well, what I imagined a brothel might smell like.

What do I do now? Get cleaned up a bit...I used my boxers to sop up what I could of the mess between us, Simon flopped onto his back again like a loose sack of potatoes. No sign of life whatever. Had I just molested him? Or had I just helped his dream come true? I wish he were awake so I could ask him. And at the same time, I’m not sure I ever want him to find out. Strange mix. Pretty insane.

I managed to tug his briefs back up his torso, although they were still not all the way up on his very cute cheeks. Smooth, like a baby’s...no bum fluff. Cute cheeks? Smooth? That’s me thinking here, too. Ugh. I wrapped him as best I could into his sleeping bag, and rolled into my own, with my clean boxers on, the wet ones way down deep in my backpack. I wanted to sleep with him. Next to him. But he might not like it. Or he might like it too much for me.

What the fuck am I going to do with myself? Sleep descended upon me. _________

SIMON’S JOURNAL, THE NEXT MORNING

When I woke up, I realized that I must have had a wet dream about Ant. I’d have to change my briefs before Tom saw. I looked over to him. He was asleep. I got a clean pair out and put them on as quickly and quietly as I could. Fuck, that must have been some wet dream! They were still damp and crusty. I heard movement next door, and realized that I needed piss pretty badly. Now, where’s that fucking key? I had to wake Tom up to show me where it was. No wonder I couldn’t find it, it was in the pocket of his jeans.

As I came back from the loo, Ant was just coming out of their tent.

"What you doing today, Simon?"

"Don’t know, what you doing? Where’s Harry and Steve?"

"Do you really need to ask? With me not there, they are probably having a shag, though they call it making love."

"Do they really?"

"Yeah, they sure do, all the fucking time. It’s natural, right? Wouldn’t you?"

"Ummm, I suppose...I never really thought about it..."

"You would if you had to listen to them."

"I’ve never met a gay couple in love before."

"Well, you have now."

Just then, Harry and Steve came out of the tent.

"Oh, you’ve finished now, have you?"

They both laughed and said, "Yep we have."

Tom came out of our tent as we were all talking. He looked really hung over. He also seemed to be watching us all pretty closely.

We all said our good mornings to him, and he mumbled in reply. Whatever.

"What you guys got planned for today?" Steve asked.

Tom looked at me, then at Ant and said, "We have to go home today." That surprised me. I thought we might be staying for another one. He’s just decided that for both of us, I guess.

"Not yet you don’t, we’re going swimming later. Do you want to come with us?" Ant said looking straight at me.

"Yeah, that would be cool, after breakfast that is. Do you know of a good café?"

"We went to one near the Sand Castle yesterday."

We all went to wash and what have you, then we all had breakfast too. As we were sitting down, Tom made room for me to sit next to him, but I sat next to Ant instead. Tom looked a little pissed off at that. So what. He as good as told me to fuck off. Well, not really, but sort of. One man’s confusion is another man’s opportunity! I was falling for Ant in a big way.

We got to the Sand Castle; there was just one big room to change in, so we were all together. Tom went to a corner to change with his back to all of us. What the fuck’s up with that boy? I was next to Harry, and Steve was next to Ant. Which was just as well. I was already half-mast, and so I got changed as quick as I could.

The place was quite full. There were a lot of cute boys too. The best one for me was Ant, though. We were together most of the time, and we were really getting on like you wouldn’t believe. The best part was the water slide. I went down first, then waited for Ant to come down, and when he did his shorts pushed up so that I could see his bulge. Need I say more about what I stared at all morning? Then I watched Steve and Harry. When you looked at them closely, you could see the love between them. They would be touching all the time, and then when they spoke to each other it was really lovely.

The day passed all too quickly. When we decided to go and get changed, I worried about how I was supposed to deal with this without being antisocial like Tom. I dried my chest first, and then put my long tee shirt on. That made it safe to slip my shorts off, so I could safely dry my crotch and put my briefs on. Whew.

I made sure I didn’t look at Ant. I was also aware of Tom going into his corner again. He was really pissing me off now.

Once we were all dressed we went for a meal, I sat next to Ant again, of course. Then it was back to the campsite. We all packed up our tents and other stuff. As it turns out, they were headed home, too, but they were going back by bus. I was going to miss Ant badly. Was I was falling in love with him? One thing I noticed was that Tom was indeed the odd man out. His confusion was making his sexual orientation rapidly irrelevant to me.

HARRY’S JOURNAL

I nudged Steve to look at Ant as the train carrying Tom and Simon pulled out of the station. Somehow I didn’t think that would be the last time they would be seeing each other.

Ant was like a brother to me, we had known each other for like 10 or 11 years. I couldn’t think or say anything without him knowing. He lived in the street next to me; we played all the games kids played all the time. His family was my second family; my family was his. We went to different schools, as he was Catholic. But other than that, we were inseparable. When he was flirting with Simon I was well pleased.

On our way to the bus station, I started in on him, "You hit it off with Simon!"

"Yeah I did didn’t I! He was so easy to get on with. He didn’t say he was gay though, when you told him we were all gay." Ant said, looking worried.

"He didn’t say he wasn’t either, but you sure noticed the way he was looking at you. I would say there isn’t much doubt!" I said, with a big grin all over my face. Steve looked pleased as well.

Ever since Steve and I started going out, Ant has been really good about it. He was a little jealous at first. I told a good friend of mine that I talk to all the time on the net (he lives in Hong Kong) how he was reacting. My friend said to involve him in our lives more, so that he wouldn’t feel left out. And do you know what? It worked! How did he know that? He certainly knows how people’s minds work. After that, we went everywhere as a three-some: the pictures, bowling, swimming, all our football club games, home and away. The Three Musketeers.

The first time I remember meeting Steve was in a science class. In that class the tables were at angles to each other, so that everyone could see everybody else. I remember that every time I looked at him he was already looking at me, and would smile. Of course I went bright red and looked away.

The teacher gave us all an assignment to do. She picked Steve and me to work together. That meant that we had to go to his house to do it. The project, I mean. Gutter brains!

In his bedroom, it was so cool. I actually got to see all the things he had in there. Very intimate, somehow. I liked it.

Around that same time, I wanted to go see ‘Gladiator’. My plan was to miss one of the many parties I was always being invited to in order to go see it. No big deal, really. Or so I thought until the football match that same day. Our team was playing the Bastards. Let me explain that. Our team is the ‘Burnley Football Club,’ and the Bastards are what we call our neighbours, ‘Blackburn Rovers’. And we spit as we say the name, as well. Just a rivalry thing, really. But we love it.

Come match day, my gang and I were all sat there, we like to go early and watch everyone come in and sit down. We enjoy feeling the whole atmosphere, and getting started on the liquid refreshments as well. That day was perfect. Great weather, good friends, good game upcoming, everything in place for a great day. That’s when I spotted the back of Steve’s head. He turned round, saw me, and waved to say hi. I waved back.

There was an empty seat next to me, and about 15 minutes into the game Steve looked round and pointed to it and raised his eyebrows in a questioning way. I nodded my head to come and sit next to me if he wanted too. He was up in a flash. I introduced him to all my mates, and Ant in particular.

We chatted most of the first half. At half time we went down for a drink and a hot dog and a piss. As we were all walking back to our seats, Steve asked if I was going to the party. I told him about my Gladiator plans for early the next morning and he just said oh. Then after about 20 minutes he asked if he could come with me. I said yeah sure, but it was on at a cinema in Manchester and that was why it would have to be such an early start. He said that’s cool, something to look forward to the next day. Then we lost the match to the Bastards. It had been a great day except for that.

Ant and I went home to my house, where my little brother Adam made fun of us losing the match. I said to him, well at least we went; we didn’t just watch it on t/v. I was rubbing his face in it a bit, cuz our Mum and Dad wouldn’t let him go, as he was only 10 at the time.

Next morning, I was up at the crack of dawn. My dad asked me if I’d wet the bed, "Very funny Dad."

I walked to the bus station to see him already there. I looked at my watch, "Am I late?"

"No, I just wanted to be sure I was here on time. My dad will give us a lift, if that’s o/k with you?"

"Yeah, of course it’s o/k, it’ll save us money."

We got there early so we went into the café for a drink. I noticed that I was doing most of the talking, so I asked him, "What’s up, Steve?"

"You won’t like it if I tell you."

"Oh, come on. You can’t just say that and leave it!"

"If I tell you, you’ll hate me."

"Don’t be silly, why would I hate you?"

"Promise?"

"Promise!"

But he remained quiet and worried looking.

"Come on Steve, it can’t be that bad. Plus I love secrets, and you’ve got me intrigued!"

"Oh, this one is pretty bad, for sure."

"So tell me then, for fucksake!"

He looked down at the table.

"I’m gay."

My chin almost hit the table.

It was now my turn to be quiet. I didn’t know what to say to him.

He looked up and said, "See, I told you you’d hate me."

I still didn’t know what to say.

"I don’t hate you. How long have you known?"

"I was about 12 when I realized for the first time." he replied.

We just sat there looking at each other, for what seemed like forever to me.

"You do hate me, don’t you?"

"No I don’t hate you... I was about the same age when I realized that I was gay, too."

It was now his turn to look entirely gob-smacked.

"I don’t believe you."

"Steve it’s true, it really is."

"I would never have guessed that about you."

"Yep, I’m very gay. I’m surprised about you, too, ya know!"

He smiled at that. I looked at my watch; "It’s time to go in."

We watched the film; it’s a damn good film. But that’s not all that we were thinking about, of course. We went into the same café when we came out, and had another coke. And looked at each other.

"Can I ask you a question, Harry?"

"Ask away, as long as it’s not for money," I said.

He laughed at that, but I wasn’t joking. I’m always broke.

"Can we be friends?"

"We are friends."

"O/k then, boyfriends?"

"Yeah, that would be cool."

It doesn’t seem very earth shattering, I know. But it was really as simple as that. We went home on the bus together. As boyfriends. Hard to believe, isn’t it?

That was twelve months ago, and we are still together. We’ve had our up’s and down’s though, get it up’s and down’s, sorry about that. Couldn’t resist.

The day that Ant found out about us was so cool. I had promised to look after Adam, my brother, while my rents were both at work one Saturday morning. I decided to take him to the Saturday morning cinema, much easier to keep him occupied that way.

The only problem was that I would have to leave Steve and Ant. They were both with me and Adam, of course, as usual. But they weren’t interested in the film. They both said that they would look round town till I got back. After the film (ho-hum, but Adam liked it well enough), I dropped Adam back home and went round to Ant’s house. They weren’t there when I arrived, and while I was waiting, his mum asked if I would like some buns. She’s a brilliant cook and rather a large lady; part Italian and always cooking. If I lived there, I most certainly wouldn’t be this thin.

I was sat on the kitchen countertop eating the buns when they came in. I was so glad to see them and Steve especially. I just felt like kissing him. When I look into his eyes it always feels to me as if I go into a dream. Sometimes I get made fun of for that dreamy gazing, but I can’t help it. Ant poked me in the ribs, "Harry?" When he calls me Harry, something is up. Usually, he always calls me H.

"What?"

"Can I have a word, please?"

"Yeah, what’s up?"

We all went up to his bedroom. Steve and I sat on his bed. Ant remained standing. It looked like he was going to make a speech. But he asked a question. "Now guys, what’s with you two?"

"What do you mean?" I said.

"You know perfectly well what I mean."

"Well, we don’t. So tell us."

"You two wouldn’t be gay by any chance, would you?"

I looked at Ant then at Steve, and tears started in my eyes. I loved one as much as the other, Ant as a brother and Steve as a lover. I didn’t want to give either one up. I took a deep breath and said, "Yes, we are."

"Good. About time you let the cat out of the bag, too."

"What do you mean by that?" I said.

"I’ve been fairly certain about it for some time now. I was wondering when you were going to tell me."

"I haven’t told you, you guessed. You’re not going to fall out with me, are you?"

"Harry, being stuck with two sisters is no joke. You’re my sanity, so no I’m not falling out with you. Plus there’s something else..."

There he stopped.

"Something else, what?" I said. Steve looked really curious as well.

"Never mind."

"Ant, you just made me tell you the most secret thing there is for me and Steve, so you WILL tell us."

He looked from one of us to the other.

" I think I’m gay, too."

"Fuck off, you’re taking the piss," I scoffed.

"No I’m not, I really think I’m gay."

"Wow," Steve said.

Ant and I both looked at him. I smiled. Ant started to grin as well.

"You’re not mad at me then, H? For not telling you sooner?"

"Certainly not. Well, at least not very."

So that’s how we came to be trying to fix him up with anyone we could. It would make it better for us all. But every time he saw a boy that he liked, the boy was either taken, straight, or very camp. Simon was the nearest he had ever come to what he’d always dreamed about.

I am really rooting for him this time. It’s his turn to get lucky, for sure!

_______________ Simon’s Journal

After we got off the train back home, we stopped at Tom’s house.

As we went into his room with all our stuff, Tom shut the door and groused, "Next time we go camping, let’s hope we’re on our own."

"Why? I enjoyed it; they were all good fun. Especially that Ant."

"They’re all gay, though!"

"So? I’m gay too. Are you worried about all of us, now?"

"A bit, I guess. I don’t want our friendship to change because of all this, that’s all. I really liked being with you..."

I was surprised at that. "You didn’t seem to be having all that great a time to me."

"I like being with you. I don’t know about the others..."

"Why?"

"Harry and Steve seem o/k, they make a nice couple, I guess. But that Ant...he seemed weird. He was always trying to get next to you or something."

"Tom, what if I wanted him to?"

Tom just blinked and scuffed his foot in the carpet. "You fancy him, then?"

"I think I might. He’s really nice. And he’s very handsome."

Tom went red in the face. But he braced himself in his desk chair and said, "Is he more handsome than me, Simon?"

I was thunder-struck. Could Tom be less confused than he was saying? "Whoa, Tom! That’s a strange question for a best mate to be asking, isn’t it?"

"Strange or not, I’m asking, Simon. You said you were in love with me three weeks ago. Is that still true?" He was blinking a lot, like there was something in his eyes.

It was my turn to be confused. "Yeah, of course I still love you, Tom. More than anybody else in the world. But ‘IN love’, I don’t know..."

"Whaddaya mean?" Fierce. Intense, he was now.

"Well, everything was so clear before. You were all I thought about, the only guy I could imagine wanting, to, err, well, to love. But, everything’s got so complicated now."

Tom nodded. "I’ve been stupid, I know. I should have gone on holiday with you. Then you wouldn’t have met Phil. If I weren’t confused, you wouldn’t have noticed Ant chatting you up. It’s too late for me, isn’t it?"

"Too late, Tom? Too late for what?" Stupid question, I know. But I was reeling inside, and trying to catch up with him.

"Too late for me to stop being confused about what I want from you. About us."

"Us...?"

"Simon, I’m trying to tell you that I’m not as confused as I was before. I want us to try for more than just best friends."

"Tom, you mean that you’re..."

"Gay? I don’t know about that. But I realized this weekend that I do fancy at least one guy. You. Simon, you’re it for me. At least for right now. I haven’t thought about girls in weeks. Maybe ever, I don’t know."

There it was. The very thing that I had hoped and dreamed about. Tom declaring his feelings for me. No wonder he had appeared grumpy and distant with the Three Musketeers. He was jealous! Tom was jealous of Ant and my other new gay friends. Holy fuck.

"I don’t know what to say, Tom..."

He looked stricken. "I am too late, then." Tear brimmed in his eyes.

"No, no, Tom. Don’t. I mean, I really don’t know. I’ve known you forever. Loved you as a brother for as long as I can remember. But then, Phil showed me what being gay is..."

"You mean sex?"

"Yeah, of course sex. I’m not a virgin anymore. That changes everything, Tom."

"Yeah, I know..."

"Huh? What do you mean, you know? You never had sex, did you? When...?"

"Ummm..., I don’t know if I can talk about that. I’m not sure it really counts, anyhow. But never mind that. What can I do? To show you I’m not confused anymore, I mean?"

He’d had sex and not told me about it? Why might it not count? Count for what? With a girl? A guy? A goat? What the fuck was he talking about? And as all this whirled around in my head, Tom came over to the bed where I was sitting. He held out his hand, standing over me. Waiting for me to reach out to him. It was all I’d ever wanted, the biggest secret wish of my entire life. Except now I was suddenly hesitating.

I didn’t take his hand. Instead, I patted the bed next to me, inviting him to sit. Tom kind of collapsed beside me. I put my arm around his shoulder, and he turned slightly into me and started to bawl. I couldn’t think of anything to say. I just hugged him and let him cry. Minutes crawled by as Tom sobbed and I thought about everything.

All I could decide right then was that I needed more time to think, and that the last thing I wanted was to hurt Tom. So I gently extricated myself from Tom’s bear hug, and moved myself so I could look him right in the eyes. Red-rimmed and sky blue, they were.

"Tom, I’ve never seen you like this."

"I’ve never felt this way...Please, you have to tell me where I stand with you, Simon. I need to know..."

"I know you do. I want to get it right. I need some time to think. That’s not bad news, o/k?"

"It’s not?"

"No, it’s not! I don’t want to hurt you. And I want to be sure for myself about what I feel. I just need to think. But ‘friends forever’ isn’t about to change. Right?"

He slumped. Dejected, exhausted. "Right. That’s good, at least. You’ll think really hard?"

I couldn’t help giggling. "Yep, really really hard, count on it." Tom looked confused for a moment, and then realized what he’d said, and blushed.

"Right, then. When will I see you next?"

"I’ll call you tonight. I promise."

"Want to sleep over here tonight? We do have that second night we already got permission for..."

"Tom, I just need to think. I WILL call you. Don’t forget, I know what it’s like waiting for the phone to ring, wondering what’s coming next..."

"Oh, yeah...I guess I made you do that, too, didn’t I...I wish I could take all that back...I’m soo sorry, Simon..."

"I know. Look, let me get home and get cleaned up. Tomorrow we’ll see what everything looks like after a good sleep. O/k?"

"I guess it has to be. It’ll be a long night for me, though..."

We fumbled through our good-byes, and hugged each other gingerly. It was a relief, I admit it. Leaving Tom to brood about his new situation, the shoes all on the other feet now. What a strange life.

I walked the rest of the way home, thinking first about Tom and then about Ant. What did I feel about each of them? My mind was in a whorl. Who did I want as my boyfriend? They were both very sexy, and both of them were wonderful people. I was so used to being all alone, and now to have to decide what I wanted between such equally good choices. Amazing. I was still thinking this as I put my key into the lock to open our back door.

My mum came rushing out of the living room as I shut the door behind me.

"Someone’s here to see you. He came last night, so I put him in your room. He’s in a bit of a fix, I’m afraid. I hope that’s o/k?"

"Who Mum, who’s here?"

Just as I was saying that, Phil walked into the room. Phil? Oh my God! The boy that took my virginity, who showed me EVERYTHING he knew. The beautiful boy that I could so easily fall in love with, the boy with the all-over tan, the boy with those amazing brown eyes, the eyes that the last time I saw them were wet with tears. The boy with those gorgeous legs, that flat stomach. That beautiful arse, and the gorgeous dick. And his bottomless energy for sex. My own Mr. Woody lurched in my shorts, and my heart started thumping faster in my chest. Oh my God, I realized what I was doing. Remembering everything we had done together, thinking that I would never see him again. I was falling for him all over again. Just like that. Oh no....More complications for my tortured brain to try and figure out.

All this went through my mind in the blink of an eye. But Phil didn’t seem to notice my momentary hesitation. As soon as he saw me he rushed over and threw his arms around me. I looked at Mum and she made a strategic withdrawal. I couldn’t help it. I wrapped my arms around him too, and hugged him to me just like the last time I’d seen him.

I went all schizophrenic inside again. Part of me was yelling to STOP, STOP! But the other part kept on hugging him.

Out loud to Phil I said, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"My parents kicked me out. Thank God you put your address in my suitcase!"

"Why did they kick you out?"

"My aunt told them about the kiss, and that was that."

"What do you mean, ‘that was that’? They’re your parents! They can’t just throw you out, surely?"

"Well, they did. I told you before. They think I am an abomination in God’s eyes. I am headed straight to hell, and they were afraid that I would contaminate the rest of the family or something. Maybe they think I'm with my aunt and uncle again, I don't know. I didn't go there. I started to, coz they’re the only ones I could think of that might try to help me. But then I thought about what I really wanted. We got on so well when we met. All I really wanted was to come and find you. That’s o/k, isn’t it?"

"Yeah, of course it is."

My mum came out of the kitchen.

"Are you boys o/k?"

"Yeah, Mum... thanks," I said. "Come on, Phil. Let’s go up to my room."

He giggled through his tears, and said, "I slept there last night. It’s a great room. I was lonely for you, though."

When we got there, I noticed that he had brought just his backpack. It wasn’t that big, and had only a few things in it. I was thinking about that as he said,

"When they found out, they gave me five minutes to get out, that’s all. So I had no time to get properly packed or anything like that. I have hardly anything to remind me of my life before. I’m entirely alone now. Except for you." And he was bawling like a baby. My day for crying guys, I guess. Whose life was this, anyhow? I felt like a stranger in my own mind.

But out loud, I had to be as supportive as I could be, no matter what. We were special friends, for sure. "Oh, Phil! Poor you, having to put up with that all your life. I can’t imagine what it must have been like. I’ve been so lucky, I never thought about that before..."

"Well they are my family, and I still love them even if they don’t love me. Even if I never see them again."

We went into another embrace. This time he kissed my cheek, then my nose, till finally we were kissing mouth to mouth, our tongues crashing together. I broke the kiss quickly.

"What’s up, Simon?"

"Things are a little complicated now."

"Do you mean Tom? Do you still love him?"

"I don’t know what I mean anymore. Yeah, I love him, of course. I’m so confused."

"What about?"

"Well, I’ve also met another boy too. He’s called Ant."

"Do you think you love him as well? What about me?"

"I don’t know...You and me weren’t even going to see each other again..."

Phil looked like I had just punched him in the guts. He went white and gulped, "Well, I should probably think about where I’m heading next, then..."

"No, Phil! That’s not what I meant. Of course, I want you to stay here, and my parents obviously think so too, or they wouldn’t have allowed you to stay last night. You need time to sort out what’s next in your life. So do I, that’s all. Seeing you is such a shock, after everything that’s happened lately."

"What all has happened to you? You were in the Canaries until a couple days ago, right?"

"Yeah, well, when I came home, Tom said he was all confused, but we made up a bit. And we went camping and met these three great guys, all gay. Ant’s one of them, and he’s an amazing guy. Then Tom told me he wants to see about him and me becoming a couple, and maybe he’s gay. Or bi. Or something. And Ant and I have all this chemistry, but we haven’t even talked. And now you’re here..."

"Simon, I don’t want to be a bother. I know we were maybe just a holiday fling or something. But I really do like you a lot. What should I do? Where should I go?"

Everybody seemed to want my advice. What should Tom do? What should Phil do? Shit. I don’t even know what the fuck I should do, myself!

Then my mum knocked on the door to say that our tea was ready.

"O/k, thanks Mum."

Before we went out of the room he took me into his arms again and said, "Simon I need you, I loved you the first time I saw you."

I hugged him tight and replied, "I thought I loved you too, Phil."

"Only thought?"

"I don’t know what to think anymore. We’ll work something out, though. Just let me think a bit."

"We’ll talk more about this later, then? I don’t have to leave?" He looked into my eyes.

"No, you don’t have to leave. I told you already. Whatever happens between us, you don’t have to worry about the roof over your head. Not while I have anything to say about it."

We were just sitting down as my dad came in from work. He washed his hands then came to sit with us.

"You alright, boys?"

I just looked at him. I didn’t like the way he said that. Then I decided on a neutral reply, "Yeah, I’m o/k Dad, you alright?"

"I’m fine. How about you, Phil?"

"I’m o/k, thanks Mr. Hunter. You and Mrs. Hunter and Simon are being so wonderful to me..."

"Please, call me Andrew. And the Mrs. is Helen, alright, son?"

Phil blushed for some reason. Maybe it was my Dad calling him ‘son’ like that, just when he was fresh out of fathers.

It was fine with me if we took Phil in, really. I learned whatever generosity I have from my parents. But something else was bothering me a bit. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that my Dad was trying to push us together. Most other times that would have seemed like incredible good fortune. But today, it felt like added pressure that I didn’t need.

We had our tea, and then I said I needed a shower. Which I did. I was pretty rank from the camping trip and all. Dad looked at me and said, "Sort Phil out before you go."

"O/k Dad."

We went up to my room, and began to think where we were both going to sleep. Leaving Phil listening to a CD, I went down to ask my mum if I could borrow the camp bed.

"What do you want that for?"

"Because I don’t want to sleep with Phil, that’s what for."

"I thought you and Phil…..?"

"Well, don’t think so much, Mum," I snapped.

"Simon, that’s no way to talk to your Mother!" My dad said sharply.

"Sorry Dad, sorry Mum." And I was, but I was still feeling irritable and pressed.

I took the camp bed back to my room. The look on Phil’s face said it all. I think crestfallen might describe it. I got some sheets off Mum too. I made his bed up, then went for my shower. When I came out Phil asked if he could have one too, and could he borrow some shorts to put on. After I gave them to him, he went for his shower. Looking kind of dejected and exhausted. Whatever. I needed to think. And I wanted to call Ant. And I had promised to call Tom. Fuck all of it for now. I was too tired.

I was in bed when Phil got back. He still seemed disappointed. I looked up at him, and my resolve faded. God he was gorgeous, his golden tanned body looked so sexy, and he was wet with sweat and water from the shower, as he was drying himself off. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him, the bulge in his shorts was so big, I don’t remember it being that big.

He noticed my looking, I’m sure, and smiled. He sat on the edge my bed and whispered, "Can I get in there with you, Simon?"

"I’m not so sure about that, Phil!"

"We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want too."

"O/k then, as long as we don’t."

I moved over to the left side of the bed as he got in on the right. He picked up one of my football magazines and we started to read. Mum and Dad said goodnight through the closed door. I told Phil that I was tired and was going to sleep, but he didn’t need to, if he wanted to carry on reading.

He said, "No, I’m tired too."

After we shut the lights off, I turned on my side so that my back was to him. I wanted him to touch me and dreaded it at the same time. I felt him turn his back to me. I was disappointed. Shit, I am so schizophrenic sometimes! So I turned over onto my back, which put us closer together. He did the same, and we lay there in the dark for a moment. Phil then turned to face me, and I felt it like a magnet. I found myself facing him too, only a breath away from his body in the dark.

He put his hand on my chest and started to lightly play with my right nipple. I just felt like putty in his hands. In my mind I kept saying no, no, but I didn’t say no. I didn’t say anything out loud at all. He slipped his hand down to the top of my shorts where he slipped his little finger into them. I was intensely aware of his playing with my pubes with the back of his fingers, and his hand went down a little more. I noticed I was breathing harder, and thoughts of what we had done together on holiday played through my mind like an X-rated slide show.

I then felt Phil put his whole hand inside my boxers. He grabbed my dick, and started to squeeze it. Somehow we were kissing, and then I lost any resolve I might have had left. He could do whatever he wanted, and he did. He pulled my shorts down my legs, and off. Then he was kissing his way down to my dick, where he took it into his mouth, pulling the foreskin back just like he did when we were on holiday.

"I could really love you, Simon."

"I could really love you, too, Phil."

He jumped out of bed to get something out of his bag. I knew it was the lube. We moved so that I was on top. I pulled his shorts off him underneath us, and tossed them onto the floor. Good trick, huh? Must be gay genetics. I had never thought of that move before.

"Make love to me, Simon."

I pulled his legs up, so that they were almost touching the pillow on either side of his head. Then I put a load of lube into him and onto my dick. I was right at his entrance and I pushed. It wouldn’t go in at first.

"Put more lube on Simon, and slow down a bit. It’s been awhile since anything was up there."

So I did, I put loads on and tried again. This time I slowly slipped inside, further and further it went till I was all the way in. My pubes were rubbing against his smooth arse, and I groaned.

Phil was panting, too. "Speed up now, Simon."

So I did, I went in and out like a piston in a car slowly accelerating, in and out, up and down. He grabbed his dick and started to wank himself off, fucking his own hand as I fucked him hard up the bum. Back and forth over his prostate I went, and he shot like a rocket, suddenly. He had to move his head out of the way so that he didn’t get himself in the eye. As he did that, his anal muscles clamped down on my dick. It felt like a satin vice, and I couldn’t move in or out till his spasms finished. But then I went back to fucking him; I lasted another 5 whole minutes by varying the speed and angle of my thrusts just like he’d taught me. When I shot my load, it was out of this world.

I collapsed on top of him and Mr. Woody slipped out of his arse. Phil lowered his legs slowly and stretched them deliciously at the same time. We kissed, God did we kiss. And then we fell asleep all tangled together.

I woke up about an hour later to the chirping of my mobile phone in the corner, where it lay on the desk by my clothes. I let it ring. I knew it must be Tom. And hoped that it might be Ant. But I let the voice mail pick up the messages. I was in a post-orgasmic haze with Phil, and loving it. Then I realized what I’d done. I wasn’t at all sure that I wanted that to happen. Well, my body sure as shit wanted it. But what about Tom? And Ant? What do I say to them? And what about Phil in the morning? Their faces floated through my mind. All I knew right then was that I loved them all. What was I supposed to do with that knowledge?

But that could all wait till morning. Tonight I was with Phil and enjoying it. I went back to sleep tangled in his arms and legs.

HARRY’S JOURNAL

It was Saturday morning. Steve and I were in bed, my bed to be precise. He always slept over Friday night. Saturday mornings we just lay there after we had made love for the second time of the day. That’s when we were usually joined by my little brother Adam, but this morning we were on our own due to the warm weather. This is the time and place where we solved all the world’s problems.

"How do we get Ant and Simon together, Harry?"

"I don’t know. I’m thinking about it."

"That’s what the noise is, then? You thinking!"

I just laughed, and hugged him tighter. God I love him so.

"How about we ask them to the pictures?"

"Or we could all go for a bike ride?"

"How about we go the pop concert tomorrow? Then we could all come back here to my house, my family’s going away for the afternoon, don’t forget."

"That’s a good idea. Will you phone him or shall I do it, H?"

I picked up the phone and dialed the number Simon gave us yesterday. It rang for a long time before someone answered it.

"Hello."

"Hey, Simon how’s you? Harry here."

"Oh hi, Harry. What can I do for you?"

"Would you like to come to the concert with Steve, Ant, and me tomorrow?"

"Erm, yeah that would be cool, how we getting there?"

"By bus, I think. How about we all meet up today some time to discuss it and make the arrangements?"

"Yeah, that would be cool, Harry. Thanks for thinking of me. It’ll be good to see you guys again."

"O/k, we’ll all meet outside McDonalds, say 12 O’clock, k?"

"Yep that’s cool. Hey, H, would it be o/k to bring another friend?"

"Who’s that, you mean Tom?"

"No, it’s another friend, he’s called Phil. We met while we were both on holiday, and he’s going to be living with us for the time being."

"Yeah, that would be o/k. Sounds...interesting."

"K, see you later, then!"

We both hung up.

"What was that about Tom, H?"

"He’s bringing a friend from his holiday, said he’s going to be staying there for a while."

"Shit! That’s fucked it with Simon and Ant, then!"

"Not necessarily. He didn’t say what kind of friendship this was, did he? We’ll just have to see."

SIMON’S JOURNAL

"Who was that, Simon?"

"That was Harry, a friend from school. He phoned to see if I wanted to go to a concert with them tomorrow."

"Them?"

"Yeah. They’re the gay couple I told you about yesterday. They’re gonna bring their friend Ant, too."

"Is that the same Ant that you were talking about?"

"Yeah it is. I told them you were staying here. Do you wanna come with us?"

Phil thought about it for a longish moment, then said, "No, I’ll stay here and watch some t/v, I never get to see it as we didn’t have one. They always said it would corrupt me."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, you go without me. I’d only feel like the odd man out, and I don’t want to be any bother."

Then I remembered Tom. What about him? I hadn’t called him last night, and I hadn’t checked my messages this morning yet, either. Shit. What’s he going to say about Phil, let alone Ant? Do I call him now, and tell him all this on the phone? To be perfectly honest, I just couldn’t face it. I know it was shitty of me, but I decided to just avoid speaking to him for a while longer. I didn’t let myself think much about how awful Tom would be feeling right now, without any word from me at all since yesterday.

I think Mum and Dad thought it was a bit strange of me to go out like that, without Phil. But I told them he wanted to stay behind, so they said it was o/k. And I then went to meet them all in town.

Well, I say ‘meet them all...’ but I was mostly just focused on Ant. They asked where Phil was, so I told them he’d decided not to come, but didn’t elaborate. Ant was stunning. He had a pair of denims on that looked too small for him. The stone-washed blue material bulged out nicely in the front, and caressed his arse cheeks behind. He was all I could concentrate on, and they all noticed. We each had Big Macs, fries, and cokes and discussed how we were getting to the concert. Harry (always the organizer, I found!) told us which bus we needed to catch. But all the time we were talking I kept looking at Ant, to see him gazing right back at me.

Harry and Steve went to the toilet, leaving Ant and me alone. It looked almost like a pre-planned maneuver. We were both trying to talk but kept cutting each other off. I took a deep breath.

"Can I tell you something, Ant?"

"Y..y..yeah, course you can."

"I’m gay."

"Cool, are you? I wasn’t sure when you didn’t say before. I was hoping you were..."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Erm, yeah, o/k."

All my problems went right out the window. The complexities of my relationship with Tom. The night of passion I’d just shared with Phil. It all seemed beside the point just then. "Will you go out with me?"

Ant sat right up in his seat. He looked stunned. "Wow, you really want to go out...with me?"

"I just asked you, didn’t I?"

"Well cool, of course I’ll go out with you. It’s all I’ve been thinking about for the past two days!"

When Steve and Harry came back they asked if they had missed anything. Ant was all smiles.

"No, not much. Only Simon asking me if I wanted to go out with him, that’s all!"

Steve let out a whoop that had other people in the place looking at us like we were crazy teen-agers. Well, we were! Then he asked with a sly grin, "So, did you accept the date or are you still thinking about it?"

Ant replied by punching Harry’s cheeky boyfriend in the arm. I took that as a yes.

ANT’S JOURNAL

I’ve known Harry for about 10 years; we are more like brothers than just friends. It’s just too far back to remember before we met. He’s just always been there.

My mum is half-Italian, but my dad is British. He’s always at work earning money to keep my mum, my two sisters and me. We all get on pretty well, considering. I have one sister who is twelve months older and one who is twelve months younger than I am. I would love to trade them both in for a brother like Harry has, he is called Adam. Adam is 11 years old, and looks like a small Harry. They get on way better than I get on with my sisters, who are always screaming about something and getting me into trouble.

Harry and me have always done everything together. No, not that! I have never fancied him that way. A straight guy doesn’t fancy his own sister, does he? Minds out of the gutter please, and back to my memories!

I remember one time when we were 7 or 8 years old. Harry’s Mum told him that it was always a shouting match to get him to have a shower, so I called him ‘Dirty Harry’ after Clint Eastwood’s character in the movie. Harry went round saying, "Make My Day, Punk" for days.

We have always enjoyed insider jokes. We would hear people say things, and then we would just look at each other and know what the other was thinking. I realized I was gay at round about 14 years old, but he couldn’t read my mind about that until I told him directly.

When Steve came onto the scene I was really jealous. Don’t ask me why, I just was. He seemed to be spending all his time with Steve and neglecting me. Harry just said that Steve found it hard to make friends and he wanted to be friends with him. But it looked more than just friends to me.

One day I was out with Steve while Harry had taken Adam to the cinema. I almost asked Steve what was going on between the two of them several times while we were out. But I didn’t have the nerve. Steve is such a sensitive guy that I didn’t have the heart to upset him.

When we got to my house Harry was already there, and when we walked in, the looks on their faces said it all. After all, H and I are pretty good at reading each other, right?

So I asked them if I could have a word with them, in my room. The smile on Harry’s face dropped off, and he looked very worried indeed. That made the truth even easier for me to see! When we got to my room I asked them straight out, what’s going on with you two? With a lot of humming and haring I managed to get it out of him that they were in fact gay and together.

I told them that it was about time. I told them about myself, too. I must admit that I was pretty smug that they were so shocked by my news!

Since then we have all been looking for a boyfriend for me. There is a guy that goes to the same school as H and Steve. He is called David, and usually goes to all the home football matches. At the last one he had some American boy with him called Jordan. Both of them were hellish cute, but you could tell they were probably straight, and wouldn’t be interested in me. Shame, really, as I could easily fall for either of them.

Then there was this Chinese boy that went to my school. He was called Jimmy Chan, not very original I know, but that’s what his name was. He was beautiful, and gave me some wicked good fantasies for my wanking sessions. He was pretty o/k in the downstairs department, too. He looked about 14 but was in the same class as me. So he must have been 16. But he too looked straight, and I couldn’t make myself try anything to get to know him better, so to speak.

The way things were going it looked like I would never find anyone who was gay, or who would be interested in me. I usually felt pretty sorry for myself, truth be told.

Then when H asked me if I wanted to go away camping, I wasn’t wild about the idea. They usually wait till they think I’m asleep, then they have a shag. Which makes me pretty horny and pretty depressed at the same time. H gets really annoyed at me talking about sex that way. He calls it making love. Me? I call it shagging or a good fuck. Although I have never done it with anybody yet. I have to make do with my hand. When I think they’ve gone to sleep.

The first time I saw Simon, I got a hard-on almost immediately, and I just couldn’t keep my eyes off him. He was so handsome, and the way he was returning my looks, I got the distinct impression that he liked me too. When I wanked that night I thought of Simon doing me, and I came in record time. Don’t think H and Steve heard me. I made sure that I did it quietly.

The next night, when we were sitting in the tent I sat opposite Simon, and I made sure he could see up my shorts leg. The things I would like to do with him, I think I’m falling in love. I can see how Harry and Steve feel now. The only fly in the ointment is Tom. I kept putting more and more vodka in his cup to try and get rid of him. Trouble is, that got rid of them both, and they went off to their own tent without me. Shit.

I’m gonna phone him as soon as I can think of a good enough excuse.

TOM’S JOURNAL

Well, Simon didn’t call me last night. I was afraid he wouldn’t. All I did was lay on my bed waiting for the phone to ring, and it never did. I thought about everything...and nothing. It was like I was in a fog or something. I was afraid that he knew about what I’d done to him while he was sleeping last night. What if he was only pretending to sleep through all that?

But, if he was pretending, it sure turned him on! I re-lived his grasping me in his arms while he shot his cum all over my middle. Re-lived it over and over again, and remembered the taste of his neck and his lips, even if he didn’t kiss me back. I am so unused to thinking like this about another boy. I tried imagining myself with some other male friend, and just couldn’t do it. Didn’t sicken me, just that I failed to connect with the idea of myself being that way with anybody but Simon, either male or female.

But all the memories and all my questions about myself didn’t make me horny right then, it made me worried. And nervous about what he was thinking and doing. I have never needed anybody like I need Simon right now. I’m not used to it. This must be exactly what I put him through before he went off on holiday without me. He must have worried and waited and wanted me to call and tell him what I was thinking. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t called me now. Perhaps he’s angry and giving me back some of my own treatment?

I tried to call him last night. Even though I was afraid to, I did try. But I only got his voicemail. I worked hard not to cry when I heard his voice on the message, and I left him just a few words, asking him to please please call me.

Now almost half of Saturday is over, and I’m still waiting by the fucking phone. My parents think I’m off my feed over a girl or something. Little do they know. Can’t imagine what they’d think. Still can’t believe it myself.

I’m sick of waiting. Even if it’s bad news, I need to know something, anything. I’m going over there.

PHIL’S JOURNAL

Well, I might as well write this all down. All I’m doing is thinking about it anyhow, and there’s really nothing else to do. Simon went off to be with his new friends. And he’s really got it bad for that Ant. I thought when I got here that we would just be wrapped up in each other the way we were in the Canaries. But no, that’s stupid, isn’t it? After all, that was a holiday, and there wasn’t anything else in either of our lives except each other. Here, he’s got the rest of his life, and his new friends, and Tom is near-by. I may not stand a chance against all that. After all, he and I don’t know each other, really. But he’s still all I have right now. I want to stay right here. Mr. and Mrs. Hunter seem like great people, and Mr. Hunter called me son. Maybe he was just being kind. But maybe something can be worked out that I can stay here? Who knows. They may not want me. Simon might not want me in the way, in his family, in his life.

But last night, Simon let me into his bed. The sex was just as wonderful as it was all the other times before. I love it with him. More than with anybody else I’ve had so far. It’s making me horny again right now... Oh, knocking on the door. Stop feeling yourself up, Philip!

"What, Mrs. Hunter? Oh, o/k, I’ll be right out!" Who does she want me to meet?

Tom knocked on Simon’s front door, dreading seeing him, but eager to hear something from him. The door opened.

"Why, hello, Tom! How are you?"

"Hullo, I’m o/k thanks. Is Simon home?"

"No, dear, I’m afraid he’s gone out for lunch with some friends. But please, come in."

Tom looked disappointed, but said "Thanks. When will he be back?"

"I’ve no idea, Tom. But there’s another young man here right now. A friend of Simon’s called Phil who will be staying with us for awhile. Would you like to meet him?"

"You mean Phil from the Canaries?"

"Well, actually, Phil comes from Ramsgate in Kent, but yes, we met him in the Canaries. Did Simon tell you about him?"

"Yes, ma’am." Tom’s tone was neutral, his expression carefully composed. But inside, he was shouting, "What the fuck...?" and his stomach was performing circus acts that might cause him to hurl at any moment.

"Well, come on then. He’s in Simon’s room. Let’s go up and I’ll introduce you."

"O/k..." In Simon’s room? When did he get here? Was he here last night? Oh, shit.

Up the stairs they went. Knocking on Simon’s door. Shaking hands. "Hullo, Phil." "Hullo, Tom."

"Well, boys, go along in and get acquainted while you’re waiting for Simon to get home. I’ll bring up some snacks, if you like?"

"Yes, please." And Phil agreed as well. The door closed behind her as she bustled cheerfully out.

The two youths studied each other carefully. "So, you’re the famous Phil?" Tom asked.

"Famous?"

"Yeah. Simon told me all about you."

"He told me all about you, too. The famous Tom..."

"Shit..."

Phil smiled wanly, and said, "Yeah. So what will we talk about? We seem to have Simon in common, don’t we?" Tom sat on Simon’s bed. A bit possessively. "So, the camp bed’s set up, huh? How long have you been here, then?"

Phil sat down next to Tom. "Two nights. I got here the day you and Simon went off on your sleep-out. The camp bed’s not been used. We both slept here last night." And it was Phil’s turn to sound possessive, as he patted the pillows.

Tom tried not to flinch visibly at that emotional blow. "How long are you staying, then?"

"I’m not sure. That depends on Simon, and on his parents. My family just threw me out. For being gay. Because they found out about me and Simon."

"Oh. Sorry to hear that. Sounds horrible. Are you o/k?"

"Not really, no. Of course not. But how well I’m gonna be depends a bit on you, too, Tom. Might as well get things out on the table straight away, right?"

"What depends on me? What do you mean?"

"Come on, Tom, don’t be thick. You’re the best friend. You’re the one he was so in love with. He was shattered when you didn’t go on holiday with him. You’re all he could talk about the whole time we were together down there."

"Yeah, maybe. I was a real shit for putting him through all that. But you’re the only one he could talk about when he got back. Apparently you’re pretty amazing in the sack..." Both boys blushed at the same time just then.

Phil looked away as he quietly said, "We had incredible sex. Last night, too. But I don’t know if he loves me the same way he loves you. Please give me a chance with him. I don’t have a family anymore. Maybe Simon is all I have left in the world. You can still be his best friend. Everybody needs best friends..."

Tom heaved a big sigh. "Phil, up until the last few weeks, I’d have said good luck and be happy together. I’d have been shocked about the being gay thing, but I would have wished you two well. Now, I’m not sure I can just let him go."

"Why is that, Tom? I need him so much!"

"I think maybe I need him, too."

Phil turned sideways on the bed so he could look Tom in the eyes. "Need him the way I need him, you mean?"

"Yeah. Maybe. I’ve been pretty confused. Pretty ashamed of myself, too. But yeah, maybe the same way you do."

"Tom, have you and Simon..."

"No. Well, not that he knows about. But I want to. I’ve known him forever, but it seems like I’m just seeing him for the first time."

"Yeah. I know how you feel. He’s pretty amazing, isn’t he?"

Tom and Phil may have each just declared their open competition for the same boy. But they also were looking at each other as well. Neither of them was at all accustomed to talking about their most intimate feelings for other boys. Certainly they weren’t used to talking about it with complete strangers. But perhaps that made it a bit easier for each of them, too.

Tom said, "Simon? Amazing? Yeah, I guess he is. Thinking about him this way is kind of new for me. I never thought about another guy like this before."

"I have. Trust me, he’s amazing. I’ve never talked about it like this before with anybody, but I’ve known about myself for ages. He’s the best I’ve ever known."

"For sex, you mean?"

"Yeah. Sex, for sure. And maybe for more than sex, too. I want to find out."

"Me, too." Tom replied, chagrined at his own honesty and openness.

Phil replied, "For sex, you mean?"

"Yeah. I need to find out more about that...more about what I’m feeling..."

Phil smiled faintly. "You sure you want to find out more about that only with Simon?"

Tom was suddenly aware that he was sitting on a bed that smelled faintly of lovemaking, and that he was all alone with one of the boys that had helped it smell like that. Somebody very good-looking, who was famous for good sex. WHOA!

Phil moved one hand so it was just brushing Tom’s leg between them. The only other time that electric feeling had coursed through Tom was when he had been lying next to Simon in the tent.

Tom cleared his throat, and shifted a bit. But he didn’t move away from Phil on the bed. The churning wasn’t in his stomach anymore. It was in his groin. Shit, I AM gay. I must be. Oh my God.

There was a brisk knock on the door, and the two boys leapt apart and onto their feet, as though they had been doing something illicit. The door opened to reveal Helen, holding a tray heaped with sandwiches, drinks, and fruit. "Here we are, boys! It’s very nice to have some more young stomachs to feed around here. Makes me feel younger myself somehow! How are we getting on, then?"

Both boys made politely appreciative noises and Simon’s Mum left them alone again. Phil said, "Mrs. Hunter’s great, isn’t she? Nothing like my Mum, for sure.

Tom replied, "Yeah, both Simon’s parents are terrific. They’re kind of my second family."

The boys were now seated on the camp bed with the goodies spread out between them. It was neutral territory. Phil was seated so that his shorts rode up his thigh and showed almost all the way up. His boxers showed, too. Tom looked down there, trying to act casual as they munched.

Phil noticed the direction of Tom’s glances. "They’re Simon’s."

"Huh?"

"The shorts and the boxers both. They’re Simon’s. I came away with almost nothing at all. He’s loaned me practically everything since I got here."

"Oh."

"But these are mine..." And Tom’s gaze was intense as Phil used his finger-tips to softly stroke his thighs up to his crotch, and rested them on the bulge between his spread legs.

Tom tore his eyes away from Phil’s middle, and he blinked. Hard. And then asked, "Why are you doing that?"

"What? This?" And Phil continued to fondle himself inside his shorts. The bulge grew. "You like what you see, Tom?"

Tom gulped, and realized that he needed to adjust himself in his jeans. But he didn’t dare to. "Umm, Phil...I don’t...I mean, I never...Oh, shit." And he flushed bright red, trying to busy himself with the food.

"I like turning you on, Tom. Don’t you like being turned on?" Said the spider to the fly.

"No, I don’t think so. Not really. I mean, I never thought about anybody else except Simon like this. I want to be in control of my own feelings. My own body. I don’t like feeling out of control."

"Get used to it, Tom. That’s how we all feel. I’m not in control of what happens to me about my family. Nor about whether Simon wants me. Nor about practically anything else in my life. But I do like being able to do this to you."

"Why? Why are you talking about all this to me? We don’t know each other..."

"Maybe it’s just because I’m gay and you’re really cute, just like Simon said you were."

"Does this have to do with Simon? Are you trying this on with me in order to get closer to him somehow?"

"That would be nice. But no. Right now, this is just between you and me. I do turn you on, don’t I?"

Tom gulped half of a coke before he answered, "Yeah...you do. You’re everything Simon said you were..."

"So, Tom, maybe we’re talking about this so you can get back with Simon yourself, hmmm?"

I thought about that for a heartbeat. Was I doing this to make some sort of connection with Simon? Maybe, but how the fuck are you supposed to measure that? Just add it to the list of things I know fuck all about.

Tom continued speaking, "So, can we be friends?"

Oh fuck, Tom thought. Then, "Yeah, o/k. I think I’d rather have you as a friend than an enemy, that’s for damn sure..."

"So, Tom, what kind of friends are we gonna be?" Phil was now playing with his own nipple under his tee shirt.

Tom’s head was throbbing as much as his dick was. I’m being seduced here, I’m being fucking seduced by a guy I never met before in my life. And it’s fucking hot in this room, all of a sudden. Simon, help me! Oh shit, I’ve never been turned on like this before. Well, once before, maybe. But this time, the other guy is fully awake. Shit, was Phil ever awake.

"Tom...look at me." That voice was low, throaty, and sexy. Hypnotic. Tom did look at Phil. "What kind of friends, Tom? Don’t you know what you want to say to me? I think you do..."

Tom looked down at his own crotch, and the dampness of his pre-cum was beginning to show through the material of his jeans. His hard-on was throbbing and sure as shit it was showing itself pretty blatantly. He glanced sideways up at Phil again, but couldn’t speak.

Phil smiled, and made a sexy humming sound down deep in his throat. Like a tiger purring. He adjusted himself openly as he got up from the camp bed. And lightly touched Tom on the shoulder, urging him softly onto his own feet as well. Tom looked into himself for the will to resist somehow, but there was nothing inside him except compliance. Stunned by this discovery about himself, he mutely followed Phil to Simon’s bed.

And then they were lying side by side. On top of the covers, with all their clothes on. Phil didn’t say anything else, he just took Tom’s hands and moved them over his own body. Tom felt immense tides of feeling wash over him. He watched like a deer looked into the headlights of an on-coming car, and allowed Phil to move his hands anywhere they liked. Tom felt as though he was helping Phil feel himself up. But he felt it, God did he feel it, too.

Phil pressed Tom’s hand into his own crotch. Tom felt Phil’s cock leap against the material of the shorts against his hand. Tom squeezed of his own volition, and Phil moaned in satisfaction. Phil raised his hand from Tom’s, and Tom kept doing what he was meant to. And Phil started his exploration of Tom. All outside the clothes, but it felt electric to Tom anyhow.

Tom groaned as Phil softly but relentlessly stroked all over his body. When those hands reached the hard cock underneath the now sopping front of Tom’s jeans, Tom went rigid. "Don’t, or I’ll...ahhhhhhh....."

And he did. All inside his crotch, the wet warmth spurted and soaked and spread. The shock waves subsided, and Tom found himself hugging Phil along the entire length of their bodies. Tom shivered, and Phil cooed into his ear.

"Well, I guess that answers what kind of friends we’re going to be. You really needed that, didn’t you?"

Tom just grabbed him tighter and threw one leg over Phil and hugged. He spoke into Phil’s neck, "Shit. What about Simon?"

And from the doorway came another voice. Simon’s voice. "Yeah, you fucking assholes. What about me?"

Simon and Ant were both standing in the doorway. Tom noticed that the door was shut behind them, thank God for that, at least. But how long had they been watching the proceedings?

SIMON’S JOURNAL

I couldn’t believe it. In my own room. In my own bed. My best friend. Shagging my only ever sex partner.

I made my voice as scathing as I could through my shock. "Obviously you two have met. Are you getting along well, then?"

Ant’s voice entered my consciousness from beside me. "Umm, Simon, what’s up, here?"

My outrage didn’t restrain my tongue one whit. "Well, Ant, it’s pretty clear what’s ‘UP’ here. Both of these guys are up. Up to no good!"

Phil just lay quietly on the bed next to Tom. He looked crushed. But Tom climbed out the tangle of Phil’s embrace and stood up.

"Simon. Ant. I’m sorry about this. But I’m not sorry about meeting Phil."

"That seems pretty clear. What the fuck are you thinking...?" I still had trouble believing it.

"Simon, maybe we both got sick of waiting for you. Maybe we needed something certain right then. Maybe we needed each other. Despite what you just saw, all we really talked about was you."

My confusion intensified. "How could what you just did have anything to do with me? That’s a pretty fucking lame excuse..."

Tom returned to Phil’s side. Phil was sobbing quietly on the bed. Tom stroked Phil’s head re-assuringly.

"You want to calm down a little, Simon? You’re upsetting Phil, and he’s been through a lot recently, you know."

I spluttered. I couldn’t recall ever being this angry in my life! "Me? Calm down? Go fuck yourself, Tiger! Or maybe just go fuck Phil again, why don’t you?"

Phil cringed and sobbed again, burying his face in the pillows, like he’d been physically struck. I couldn’t care less. Then Tom said, "Actually, Simon, I have never had the pleasure of doing that with Phil. Don’t make it sound so horrible. After all, you were just doing it with him last night. When you were supposed to be talking to me. Thinking about what I asked you. Remember?"

Ant spoke up again. "Simon, what’s he talking about? You were shagging somebody last night?" He looked upset.

All the wind went out of my sails. Just like that. What have I been doing the past few days? Holy fuck. So I took a deep breath, and said, "O/k, o/k, everybody. Let’s just calm down and talk. Can we, please?" And I took my own advice and sat on the camp bed. Next to what appeared to be the remains of lunch. Ant joined me, and took my hand, sort of declaratively.

Phil sat up and sort of leaned against Tom. His face was all wet from his tears. Tom put his arm around Phil, looking protective. There was a large wet stain in Tom’s crotch. Sure as shit wasn’t from any God damned tears. I started to get mad again, but before I could say anything, Tom gestured to Ant’s hand holding mine, and said, "So. You and Ant? What’s this, then?"

I flushed. Ant answered, "He’s just asked me out. I’m really happy about it. Or, I was, until a minute ago. Obviously, there are a few things he and I need to talk about." He made me look at him, but I couldn’t hold the eye contact for long. Everything was crashing in on me.

Ant continued, "This must be Phil. Hullo, Phil. Simon said he had a friend staying here for awhile. I’m Ant." We Brits need all our proper introductions, even in times like this.

Phil nodded slightly, and muttered. "Hi... I’m so sorry about this. It’s all my fault..."

Tom spoke up, "Nothing’s your fault, Phil. You didn’t exactly hold a gun to my head, ya know."

I asked, "What did happen, anyhow?"

Tom sighed and looked at me. "You didn’t call me last night. I was going mad. I called you, to talk about everything I told you yesterday. I left a message. You were busy with Phil, here. You didn’t call me back. So this morning, I decided I wanted to talk face to face. And I got here to find you had gone to meet Ant. And Phil and I talked and got to know each other a bit..."

I snorted, "A bit? I should say so! Some talking!"

Phil said, "Simon, please be fair. He needed you, and you weren’t here for him. I needed you, and you left me here alone. We were here for each other. I can see why he’s been your best friend for so long. Tom is wonderful." And he squeezed Tom’s hand. "Don’t be angry with him, please. It’s my fault. I’ll try and find another place to stay as soon as I can."

Ant was understandably still pretty confused. "Simon, are you involved with both these guys? I thought you said they were just friends? What are you doing asking me out, then? What are you thinking?"

I became alarmed. What if I was about to lose Ant? "I was going to talk to you about all this, really. Please let me explain, o/k?"

All three of them nodded and looked at me for the Grand Explanation. Shit, what IS the explanation? O/k, here goes. I was going to think it through as I spoke. Oh God. Deep breath. "Phil and Tom know some of this, Ant. I told Tom three weeks ago that I was in love with him. We’ve been friends forever, and I found myself falling for him. I told him about it. And he ran away screaming. He avoided me for days and refused to talk to me about it. He even told me he was afraid of me. And then he didn’t go on holiday the way we had planned for months. He begged off and told me he was sick." I looked at Tom, who was hanging his head in embarrassment.

Ant said, "You told your best friend that you fancied him?"

I nodded. "Uh huh."

Ant looked over at Tom. "Is this true?"

Tom nodded. "Yeah, pretty fucked up, huh? I treated Simon really badly. Then he went off on holiday alone and found Phil. Simon spilled his guts all over the place and Phil picked up the pieces. Helped Simon come to terms with being gay. Taught him a lot about sex too, I guess. (Phil and I both nodded and blushed) And then Simon and Phil got discovered kissing, and Phil had to leave the resort. They didn’t think they would ever see each other again. Right, Phil?"

Phil nodded. Ant looked like he’d been poked right in the eye, but he kept on listening. Phil continued, "My parents are crazy Christians, and couldn’t deal with finding out that I’m gay. They threw my arse out onto the street. I headed here. Simon’s parents took me in. I thought it would be just Simon and me like before in the Canaries. I was wrong. Simon has a pretty full life here, and I don’t think there’s room in it for me. Not like I thought, at least. Tom was the first person that I could talk to that seemed to understand what I’m feeling. Tom’s gay, too. I think..."

My eyebrows shot through the roof. "Tom? Gay? Have you decided, then? I thought this was all just to get back at me?"

Tom shrugged. "I dunno about being gay. All I know is that I have really strong feelings for Simon. And then I discovered that I have pretty strong feelings for Phil, here, too. Ant, I’m sorry I was in such a foul mood on the camp-out. I was really jealous of you and Simon. Can you forgive me?"

Ant said, "Simon. Why did you ask me out this morning when both these two really nice guys want to be with you? I would never have agreed if I had known about all this."

I was caught like a fly on sticky paper. "Ant, please believe me. I asked you out because I really want to go out with you and get to know you. I’m not taking that back. But I have treated all three of you pretty badly. I shouldn’t have let myself have sex with you last night, Phil. I knew that way down deep, but I went ahead anyhow. And I should have called you, Tom. Last night, like I said I was going to. It isn’t fair of me to avoid you like I did. You were right to be upset about that. You’re both good friends, you’re both really sexy. I’m new to all of this. What more can I say? I’ll try to get better at being a good friend, and a good boyfriend. I promise." I tried to look at each of them as honestly as I could.

Tom cleared his throat. We all looked at him. "While we’re all being so honest right now, I have to come clean about something else. (We were all wondering what he was going on about, for sure!) The other night in the tent. Simon, while we were drunk, I ummm...well, I kind of took advantage of you."

All three of us said, "What?"

"Yeah. Pretty pathetic of me, but true. My first sexual experience was with you, Simon. But you were asleep through the whole thing."

I was gob-smacked. "Holy fuck!"

Tom smiled ruefully, "No, not that. Just some rubbing and licking and wanking and kissing. But it did show me what I was feeling for you. For guys, I mean. I’m sorry."

All I could think of to say was, "I thought that was a wet dream about Ant! I had to change my underpants the next morning! Did I enjoy it?"

Tom blushed crimson, and said, "Well, your body seemed to..."

There was a moment of silence, and then we all burst out into laughter. All four of us. It sort of cleared the air a little bit.

Ant was still holding my hand. Thank God for that. He said, "So, everybody has had sex with my new boyfriend except for me? Well, lads, I seem to have gotten in with a pretty twisted crowd. This should be interesting..."

I had to agree. "Listen, can we all promise that from now on, all sex is with people who are conscious at the time, please?"

Everybody agreed vigorously. Then Ant piped up. "Another rule, for my sake. Nobody is allowed to have sex with Simon again until I do. Let me have a chance to catch up, at least. And as for me and Simon, NO SEX until at least the third date. Just for a refreshing change of pace, coz I’m an old-fashioned kind of guy. O/k with everybody?"

I didn’t have to think. "Well, if you insist. It might be a relief not to have to deal with it until then..."

It seemed that I wasn’t going to lose Ant over this fiasco, then. Now I wanted to make sure about my two other best friends.

"Tom, thanks for being so honest with me. We’ve never had any secrets between us before, and I don’t want to start now. Although this might be too much or too little information, I don’t know which. All those intense fantasies about sex with you all this time, and then I sleep through it..."

Tom grinned sheepishly and replied, "Well, now that you and Ant are becoming an item, I guess you’ll not find out for yourself how good I am, will ya?"

That’s when Phil spoke up again. "But I plan on it. And I don’t intend to wait until the third date, either. Tom, will you go out with me?"

Tom looked down at Phil and replied, "What? Like on a date, you mean?"

"Yeah, except that we already started fooling around. I like you heaps. If Simon doesn’t mind, that is..."

I rushed to protest. "No, no! I would be really pleased to see you guys get together. My two closest friends, a couple, maybe? Cool!"

Ant spoke up again. "I can’t wait to tell Harry and Steve about all this! I think we all better go get them out of bed and bring them up to date. Phil, they’re going to love you. I know you’ll love them. They’re the Old Married Couple of our gay gang. They’re going to have to give us all lessons in love..."

Everybody laughed at Ant’s choice of words, but he shouted over the hoots and catcalls, "NO! Not that kind of lessons! What I mean is we all have to learn how to take care of each other. And our boyfriends. For the long haul, not just for right now. They’ve been together for a year, and they love each other to bits and shag like rabbits even after all this time. I want to learn their secrets. O/k?"

Everybody agreed with that, for sure.

Well, it’s been an incredible week since that eventful Saturday. Ant and I still haven’t had our third date, and yes, we’re still waiting. About sex, I mean. Although we keep giving each other suggestions about what we’d each like when we finally "Do IT". It’s amazing how sexy just talking about sex with your boyfriend can be. We do kiss pretty madly, though. And I must admit that we DO know what all the bits feel like under our clothes! I kid Ant a lot about being such a good Catholic boy...

Harry and Steve agreed to be our guides and examples. They have answered the most private and personal questions about sex and relationships you could possibly imagine. Ant got them to tell him something about how to practice stretching his, ummm, well, his bottom, for when we, well, you know... Something about using a candle or some such. I’m looking forward to helping him. After that third date, I mean.

My Mum and Dad have been great. We told them about who is going out with whom now. My Dad makes rude comments about needing score cards to keep up with all the action. He’s also got a solicitor working on how best to deal with Phil’s parents and custody and school and his finances and all. But we all agreed that Phil could stay at our place (in the spare room, o/k??!) as long as he needs a home.

I really like having a brother. Although trying to avoid sexual thoughts about him is sometimes a hard...umm, I mean a DIFFICULT, task.

Sheesh, minds in the gutter all over the place, huh? Never mind, mine is too, of course. We might all have to have a sexual four-some or something sometime. There’s a lot of sexual tension in the air between us. After all, we are four healthy and horny teenagers, right? Even now that he lives in the other room, I will never forget how wonderful sex with Phil was. Tom is sooo lucky to have him. Plus, Tom never did tell me what exactly he did to me while I was sleeping that night. Maybe he’ll let me read his journal sometime, at least.

Tom and Simon shouldn’t have any sexual energy left over, though. After only a week, they’re way into the double digits for every sexual position known to mankind. Or so they tell me. I’m happy for them. Tom walks around with this dazed and happy expression on his face all the time. And Phil? Phil just smiles a lot. His smile is like the Cheshire Cat that just stole all the creme.

I did give Tom one tip about what turns Phil on the most. And guess what? I heard something like spanking from their room the next night. But Phil looked anything but punished the next morning. Cool, huh? Something for Ant and me to try sometime as well, perhaps? Hmmm... Have to ask Harry and Steve if they have ever done that. Don’t know, though. Old Married Couples might not do really exciting stuff like that in bed after a whole year being together.

Our latest news is that Harry’s little brother might be gay, too. Remember Adam? Yup, only 11 years old, so it might be just that "I hate girls" phase; only time will tell. But if Adam does end up gay, he’ll sure have loads of gay uncles and big brothers around to help him adjust to the gay life! And he’s turning into a pretty sexy little dude, too.

But all this will have to be part of another story.

Who knows, maybe we’ll tell you about it sometime. Feel free to write to us and ask. We’d love that!

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