The Saturday Boy, Two Years On
"What the fuck do you want?"
"Deano, how long is this gonna go on for?" My fuck of a brother asked, rolling into my room unannounced.
"Oh I dunno James, until you are dead perhaps, and don't call me Deano, you have no right to even talk to me anymore let alone say your pet name for me."
"Four days I've been here and four days I have said I'm sorry, what more can I do?"
"Nothing James, you can't do anything, I don't care how many times you apologise, you will never understand how much I hate you for what you did to me, and… and then you just turn up after all these years. I mean, fuck that was bad enough, to just turn up, but to turn up and think everything is cool between us?"
"I thought you would have forgotten it by now!" James muttered, squeezing his temples.
"Forgotte… What fucking planet are you on. How would you like it if someone fucked you in the ass against your will, not caring that the screams coming from your mouth were actually screams of pain. Not to mention how fucking sick you are raping your own brother. You know James, if I knew I could get away with it, I would stab you to death with the biggest knife I could find, and I'd smile while doing it."
Spit was coming from my mouth like a possessed snake, I was enraged… the memories of what happened flooding into my mind like a tsunami. James just stood there looking at me, not really understanding how much I despised him it seemed. It was almost like he took satisfaction from my outburst.
"Man lighten up will you, we were young… I was young. It was a crazy time, and it was like years ago, you can't hate me forever."
"That part is easy James, fucking hell that part is so easy."
"Well I plan to stick around so you had better get used to me, and if that means telling mum and dad what happened then so be it."
"Why? Why would you do that?" I said, an almost pleading tone in my voice.
"I'm actually surprised you never did if I'm honest. I was actually expecting the door to be slammed in my face when mum answered it."
"You know, if you do tell her she will call the police and have you arrested for what you did."
"Mum? No way, she is too pleased to have me back; I've got her wrapped round my little finger."
"You're fucking evil, I've always thought that, you should have stayed away and left this family in peace."
"Yeah well Deano, I'm back now, so like I said, get used to it."
"Well, you may be back, but my room is still my room, so get the fuck out and stay away from me!"
James looked into my eyes and smiled. It reminded me of those smiles you see a serial killer make in one of those movies. It was unsettling to say the least, but finally he turned on his heels and left my room. I dove up from my bed and quickly slammed my door, locking it as quickly as I could. A sudden rush of unspent adrenaline started to seep into my bloodstream and I began to breathe heavily. It was a desperate panting breath, like I had just run a mile. My hands were clammy and beads of sweat began to bubble up on my forehead. I tried to calm myself by opening the window, letting in a blast of winter air. Eventually, I felt a little more relaxed, my heart rate returning to a more normal pace. I took in a deep breath and closed the window. Now shivering from the cold, I went and sat back down on my bed, feeling the adrenaline giving way to emotion.
I began to quietly weep!
I watched as Olly sat at the breakfast table playing with Roman's fingers while we ate. Roman was never up this early usually and I knew the only reason he was, was because Olly had pitched up before starting work at nine.
Every now and again Roman would glance up and look at me, his sleepy eyes not hiding the fact he was still thinking about what had happened in his bedroom between us. I pretended as much as I could not to give away the fact I had noticed his glances.
"So where is Joey?" Olly asked, turning his attention to me.
"In bed, he worked until three last night," I replied, thankful Olly had made conversation.
"Do you both have plans for today?"
"I dunno Olly, it depends on what time he arises. I keep promising the car I will take it out and get it washed and vacuumed, so I might do that before he gets up."
"I smell a lift to work in the air," Olly stated, fluttering his eyelids at me.
I laughed at his expression. "Sure thing Olly, just let me know when you need to go, but I would like a shower first."
"Cool beans Jack, thanks!" Olly replied.
"You wanna come round tonight babe? Maybe we can watch a movie or something." Roman remarked, stroking the back of Olly's neck.
"Sounds like a plan! I'm working till six tonight, so if you want I can pick something up for us to eat?"
"By the time you get back here it will be cold, its freezing out there as it is."
"Hmm, true," Olly said, running his fingers over his chin.
"I'll pick you up tonight then, and we'll stop off and get something together." Roman stated, before getting up and putting his bowl in the sink. He turned round and once again caught my gaze. I did my best to look away quickly, but I knew he had seen me looking at him.
This was getting stupid!
I got up and announced I was going to the bathroom. I left Roman and Olly chatting in the kitchen and made my way towards mine and Joey's room. Creeping in I got some fresh underwear, cargo pants and a woollen top and headed to the bathroom.
I closed the door and inhaled a deep breath before leaning my palms on the edge of the sink and stared into the mirror that hung above. Puffing air through my lips I brought my fingers up to my face and stretched my eyes with them before using my whole hands to roughly rub my face all over. It was an act of mild frustration that seemed to provide some satisfaction, albeit probably superficial.
As I thought before, this was getting stupid! I felt like there was a conversation that needed to be had with Roman to get this put to bed once and for all. There was no future in this, no way could it ever be what we had briefly thought it could, and I for one did not want this to turn into yet another fucking issue.
I turned on the shower and stepped in hoping the water running over me would clear my thoughts. It immediately did in some respects and I turned my thoughts to the progress Joey and I had been making recently. He really was trying and I respected him for that. I was slowly beginning to understand the parts of his mind that up until now were a mystery to me. Sure, he had inner demons, fuck we all do, but to work through them you need to face some hard facts about who you are. It's kind of like an alcoholic finally admitting they have a drink problem and wanting to get well. I felt the final leg of his journey was going to be complete once he got some professional help and perhaps started communicating with his parents about how he felt about certain things.
There was a gentle tapping on the door I could have so easily missed If I had closed the shower cubicle door sooner. "Roman, is that you?" I called.
"No, its me Joey, let me in."
"Just a second," I said stepping back out of the shower and unlocking the door. I felt a surge of cold air attack my legs and I jumped back in the cubicle.
"What?" I asked, eyeing a strange look on Joey's face.
"Why would you think it was Roman," Joey replied. It was a good question.
""Uh… well I think he needed to use the toilet earlier and_"
"What?" I said, shocked. Did he know, had Roman said something?
"I'm just kidding Jack, jesus, no need to look like you're about to drop dead, what's up with you?"
"N…nothing, its just the way you said bullshit, as if you were accusing me of something."
"Don't be stupid… what, you and Roman? Do me a favour. Nah, I just woke up and Olly said you were in here, I thought I might catch a glimpse of that sexy body of yours, and its looks like I was not disappointed." Joey chatted his teeth together and made a wild look with his eyes.
"Joey you can see and have my body any time you want, now are you getting in with me or are you going to just stand there while I freeze soggy wet."
Joey reached up and pulled a cord turning an electric heater on that sat above the door.
"How long has that been there?" I asked, surprised.
"Uh, since like we moved in here!"
"Well fuck me, I never knew it existed, but I guess I have never had a reason to look up there before. But shit that sure is a nice feeling." I remarked feeling the warm air hitting my wet skin. I got back in the shower and held out my hand. Joey latched on to it and I dragged him in, closing the cubicle door behind him.
"I like it when you don't shower sometimes," Joey said, wrapping his arms round my waist.
"Do I wanna know why?" I replied.
"Dunno, its just you have this animal like manly smell, and when its mixed with your deodraent, well, it kinda drives me wild."
"Well I hate to disappoint you Joey, but I don't like it when I haven't showered so don't get used to it."
"Hmm, well if only there was some way to bottle your smell I think we would make some serious money."
"What are you after Cork, what's with all the compliments?"
"Nothing, I just love ya, that's all."
I kissed Joey on the forehead and dittoed his comment before taking a sponge and foaming it up with shower gel. I carefully began washing my boyfriend down, paying careful attention to his… well you know the bits I'm on about.
"So what time did you get to bed last night?"
"Uh, well we got locked up about half three so I guess it was around four. I was so hungry I had some toast before coming to bed… oh and you last night!"
"What… well lets just say your head was one corner of the matress and your feet were the other, which left me absolutely nowhere to actually sleep."
"Meh, I told you about that, all you need to do is push me over."
"I did, but soon after I had arms and legs all over me, so I got to sleep around five in the end."
"Are we having a domestic?"
"I'm just saying is all, you need to be tied down when you go to bed."
"Is that a prom_
I laughed and slapped the wet sponge in his face, which led him to start tickling me. We are falling around all over the shower cubicle until I put my sensible head on and said we had better stop.
"Careful Joey, we are gonna go through that glass in a minute and I don't wanna be rushing us to the hospital to have things removed from us."
"I prefer putting things in, don't you."
"What's with you, do you need me to get you off quickly?" I asked, putting Joey's head in my hands.
"Nah, its fine, I'm just fooling around.
"Hmm, So why are you up so ear_
"Will you two quit fooling around in that bathroom and hurry up, I need to wash my hair!" Came the dulcet tones of our mother.
"Sorry mum," we both said in unison.
"Be out in a minute," I said, before quickly washing my blond locks.
In quick time we both stepped out of the shower and dried one another enjoying the warm breeze that was coming from the heater. I put on my clothes and arranged my hair, while Joey, who only had last night's sweaty boxers in the room opted for leaving the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around him.
"Don't make plans young man, we are going out today," I heard mum say to Joey outside the room.
"I was hoping to go back to bed mum, I've had all but four hours sleep."
"You can sleep when we get back, this is important."
Sandra and I crossed paths as I left the bathroom and she entered. She gave me a reassuring smile and before she left my view, and I continued on into our bedroom, finding a naked Joey rooting through the drawers looking for underwear.
"What was all that about," I asked, causing him to turn round, his flaccid cock hanging over his tight balls, probably from being cold.
"Beats me, but you know how spontaneous mum is, she probably needs a hand with some new piece of furniture she's found in a shop somewhere."
"I think it may be something else, don't forget to fill me in whatever it is." I said, throwing myself on our unmade bed.
"Jack I tell you everything… and what do you mean you think it's something else?"
"U dunno, I just got that impression in her tone, like she was kinda serious or something."
"Well she had just got up by the looks of things, mum is not a morning person."
"True," I agreed, allowing my eyes to close for a moment.
"How can you be tired, you slept for like forever last night."
"You know how the shower does that to me."
"Hmm, well for most people it wakes them up, I've always found that strange about you."
"Spooky eh?" I said, before grinning, my eyes still shut.
Roman stepped into our room and tossed some mail onto the bed where I was laying and walked out again. Joey watched him leave and then shrugged.
"What's eating him this morning?"
"Beats me," I said, knowing full well what was.
"Both for you?" Joey asked, eyeing the two letters now in my hand.
"Nope, one for you," I replied, tossing him the small brown envelope with his name on it.
"Probably the car tax renewal."
"Oh my god!"
"I got the job, I got the fucking job!" I squealed, punching my fist in the air.
"Wow babe, congrats… hang on, what job?"
"That job I went for at the docks, you know, the one for the accounts department."
"Oh shit, you got that one? Fucking hell Jack, well done, I'm made up for you."
Joey came running over to the bed and gave me a hug, I gripped his body tight still holding the letter in my hand. "My dad said I would never make anything of myself you know that?"
"Well what the fuck did he know!" Joey hissed, angered my father would ever say that.
"Fuck, I need to… we need to celebrate."
I looked over at Joey who now had a hurt look on his face, my own excitement turned to seriousness and I viewed him.
"What's wrong Joey?"
"Nothing… its just, I have been so wrapped up in my own shit and our relationship I totally forgot you were going for these jobs and I'm ashamed to admit I didn't even know what you wanted to do… what you had even gone for."
"Awww, babe look, I'm not upset with you. Its not something you have had to worry about, and look, I didn't expect you to be egging on for a job, or giving me your undivided attention on it, you've had your own stuff to deal with."
"I just feel bad that's all, we should have been getting you a job together and I feel like you have had to do this all on your own."
"Babe, listen, the important thing is I have got the job, which means I can now spoil you rotten. So look at me and tell me that's a bad thing?" I said, trying to inject humour into a sad looking Joey. He looked up at me and managed a small smile.
"When do you start?"
"Shit, I haven't even read that far, uh…first of March, so around three weeks' time."
"I'm so proud of you Jack, I really mean that. Even through all the crap I have put you through, you still had enough in you to go and hold what was probably a really good interview."
"I think I was on autopilot if I'm honest Joey, but hey, none of that matters now, this is the start of our future together, and maybe one day we can have our own place, right?"
"Pfft, on the salary mum pays me?"
I laughed. "I said it was a start Joey."
Joey giggled before jumping off the bed to get dressed. I laid back down and just started at my letter, before suddenly wondering what Joey's was.
"You gonna open yours, if it is the tax renewal, let me know how much it is and I'll sort it out."
Joey tore open the brown envelope and pulled out its contents. His face told me he didn't like what he was looking at.
"What? What is it?" I asked, frustrated by his silence. A tear formed in his eye and began to slowing descend down his face. "Joey, talk to me," I pleaded, starting to get up from the bed.
"It's from the NHS"
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