Puppy For Sale
What are these feelings I have? It was a question I kept asking myself over and over again as I lay there in my bed, as usual, my mind racing. Steven and I had stayed up pretty late while he taught me the rules of a game called Monopoly, but that seemed like an age ago as I glanced at my phone.
It was four a.m.
Having cleared the hurdle of getting permission from Max and Susan regarding Dave coming round, and confirming with Steven that he was still going to Billy's place, I should have been calm. But, instead, I was restless… restless because I kept thinking that even after getting the all clear, somehow, Dave would not turn up.
It was no good, I needed to get up. I decided to go and get a drink of milk, opting to heat some, hoping it would settle my mind. As I placed the cup in the microwave and switched it on a bleary eyed Max came walking into the kitchen in a pair of rather colourful boxer shorts.
"Hey champ, everything ok?" he asked, rubbing his eyes, before sitting at the table.
"Can't sleep," I replied, watching my cup go round and round on the glass plate.
"Yeah, I heard you get up. Thought I'd come and check on you."
"You can't sleep either?" I asked, turning around to face him.
"We have a massive Oak tree to cut down tomorrow. It sounds silly, but I was laying there awake thinking how to approach it… Puppy this tree is massive and over two hundred years old. I'm wondering if the tools we have are up to the job."
"It's normally the silly things that keep me awake too, so I know what you mean."
The microwave beeped and I took out my steaming cup, walked over to the table and sat down. Max swung round so he was facing me and smiled.
"So, what's keeping you awake tonight, another bad dream?"
"Oh no, nothing like that."
"Well, if it weren't a bad dream, then from my experience, the three things that normally keep you awake are money, work or your love life. Since the first two are things you don't have to worry about, is it your love life?"
"Max!" I chirped, shyly.
"Hey, we've all been there. So what's going on, maybe your dad can offer some advice. I'm not that old, remember?"
I pursed my lips together. "It's just…"
"Take your time." Max said, seeing I was thinking hard how to put what I wanted to say.
"It's just I don't know how to handle these feelings, Max."
"So tell me what sort of feelings they are."
"I dunno, I mean, you know Dave right?"
"Yep, known him for a long time… he even stayed with us on and off for a while."
"Oh yeah, I was meaning to ask that, why does he have a key?"
Max sighed. "Long story, Puppy."
"Yeah, that's what Dave said too," I chuckled.
"I'll let him tell you about it when he's ready, right now I wanna know about you."
"Ok, well Sometimes I feel like I just wanna run to his house to be with him, and I feel like my heart is gonna burst out of my chest. Do you know what I mean?"
"Uh huh, that my boy, is called a crush, and from the sounds of it, it's a big one you have there."
"Is it normal?"
Max laughed. "Oh yeah, you bet it is."
"But… but it's like it almost hurts, Max. It's not a negative feeling as far as I can tell, but something about it feels uncomfortable."
"Yearning?" I repeated, raising a brow.
"Yeah, I think that's the emotion you are trying to describe. When you long for something important to you, or you miss something, you yearn for it. I had the same feeling you describe after I met your mother."
"Yeah, well whatever it is, it sucks!" I declared, dropping my head.
"You'll see Dave today, and once you do, you'll feel better. It's not like he's a million miles away, he's a few streets away."
"That's if he turns up," I remarked, feeling negative all of a sudden.
Max groaned. "Now why would he not turn up for a chance to be with someone like you?"
"I dunno, I just feel I'm not good enough for someone like him."
"Hey, my son is a good looking boy, and I know that because I am very handsome myself," Max stated, bursting out laughing. I knew he was trying to lighten the mood, but I wondered if he meant it… about me I mean.
"He could be with anyone he wanted," I pouted.
"Yeah, maybe, but in a few hours, he will be coming to see you! Look Puppy, It sounds to me as if you are in some kind of rush for something. My advice? Just go with the flow, don't be one of those guys who smother. Be cool about things… about your feelings. Dave? I've known that boy for a while and he is as loyal a person as you can get. I think you have been listening to Steven too much."
"What do you mean?"
Max giggled. "Oh you know, In Steven's world the girls are falling at his feet and none of them last more than a week because he moves on to the next best thing. Yeah, I know, I've heard him telling you stories about how he is god's gift to girls, and how he trades each one in when they get boring."
"Yeah," I said, grinning.
"Well, reality or not, Puppy, not everyone is like that, I can tell you Dave is not, so if you are worrying about that aspect, then don't."
"It's just a small part, the rest is finding out what to do. I mean, sometimes I just sound like a blabbering fool when I talk to him and I'm worried I'll just come across as weird."
Max smiled. "Puppy, there is no manual to this. Everyone is different. If you feel nervous you can bet that Dave feels the same."
"Yeah, I guess."
"Well anyway, I'm not gonna have the usual conversation I have with Steven frequently, but whatever happens, just be safe ok?"
"Safe? What, you don't think he's dangerous do you?"
Max cleared his throat. " Erm, that's not really what I was getting at. Let's just say that if the two of you… well, you know… do things, then-"
"Ooooh, you mean sex right… Oh my God you didn't mean sex? I said, turning a shade of crimson.
"Look, I know it's embarrassing to talk about at your age, but just be careful and don't get silly in the heat of any moment."
"I'm sorry I don't understand."
Max looked like he was in excruciating pain by the look on his face. "You're both young, and although I am sure there is no chance of any babies happening and Dave has no issues with his health, I'm still recommending that you get into good habits when practising sex."
"Oh God," Max muttered. "Puppy, sometimes guys… and girls, as they get older, have different partners they will go on to have… relations with, and occasionally one of them might-"
"Hang on… relations?"
Max sighed. "Puppy, shall I just say it how I want to, and then maybe you will get it?"
"I think that would work better."
"Ok, don't fuck Dave without a condom and if fucks you make sure he wears one. Also, if you or he decides to fuck anyone else then make sure you wear a condom also. People can have diseases and infections that are spread through anal and oral sex and I don't want you to end up with what's known as a Sexually Transmitted Disease."
As Max finished he ran his hand down his face, looking altogether red faced and sweaty. I had to almost stop my eyes from falling out of their sockets and drag my jaw off the table, but at least I now understood what he meant.
"You're welcome," he said quickly, getting up from the table and leaning his hands on the work surface, dropping his head.
"It's ok you know, I get what you mean," I remarked, trying to break the tension.
Max just shook his head and started to laugh. "I think I even shocked myself there."
"Just for the record though, I don't think anything like that is bound to happen."
Max turned round, and looked at me, a sly grin on his face. You're fifteen, hormones raging… never say never, that's all I'm gonna say.
I'm going to bed, good night."
"Night," I said, watching him disappear from the kitchen.
Hmm, I thought. What the hell is oral sex?
I was awoken from my slumber with a half-naked Steven bouncing up and down on my bed. Although slightly annoying, I couldn't complain really seeing as I had a first class view of his jingling junk bouncing away through the gaps in his loose Boxer shorts, as I stared up at him.
"Now something tells me that you think it's Christmas, so I thought I would perform the same action I used to on mum and Max's bed when I got up Christmas morning."
"Huh?" I said, frowning. "And would you please get off me now."
"What do you mean huh… I pronounce this special day, Dave Day." Steven announced, finally jumping down off my bed.
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, yeah, but Santa doesn't exist and Dave does, so this is better than Christmas," I declared, already feeling some excitement.
"What? Santa doesn't exist?"
"No, you dick!"
Steven slowly covered his face with his hands, before starting to cry. I jumped out of bed and went over to him. "What the… Steven I'm sorry, I just assumed…"
"Its fine, just leave me alone for a minute, I'll get over it."
I stepped back biting my bottom lip feeling terrible. I had just ruined something massive for Steven and it was breaking my heart. All the kids at the home used to get so excited at Christmas knowing Santa had been, jeez, I used to be one of them, but I thought at fifteen, Steven might have found out by now.
"Jensen?" Steven asked emotionally, facing away from me still.
"Yeah," I replied, nervously.
"Could you go to the bathroom please and get a bottle of naivety please?"
"Sure Steven, where is… you BASTARD!" I yelled. Steven turned round and fell back on his bed in a fit of laughter.
"Oh… oh… oh my God, your face! Your face was amazing!"
"You are a shit!"
"I know, and don't you just love me for it?" Steven said sticking his pink tongue out at me.
"I thought I was gonna get hanged by mum and dad for ruining the secret, not to mention I felt awful for you."
"Ha, I noticed my feelings were second in that list!"
"You know what I mean."
"I gotta tell the guys about this, Billy will have a coronary when he hears it."
"Well thanks for making me look an idiot in front of your friends."
"Hey bro, you don't need me for that!"
"Fuck you," I shot, grabbing my pillow and hitting him passionately with it. He managed to get me in a head lock and push me onto my bed.
"Come on fucker, is that all you got," he teased, pushing my face into the mattress.
"Arrrhhh, my foot, my foot," I screamed, immediately making him let go of me.
"Jesus, are you ok, did I hurt you?"
I grinned. "Got ya! Hahahaha, you fell for it… the look on YOUR face now. You wait till I tell the guys bla bla bla!" I tore at him, getting my own back.
"You fucking little… grrr, you're gonna pay for this, you'll see," he declared.
"Actually, I'm feeling kind of tired today, I might skip Billy's," Steven said casually, pretending to get back in bed and sleep.
"GET UP, you can't do this to me, you promised!" I squealed.
"Oh, my eyes are so heavy, and this bed is so warm," He added, faking a yawn and stretching his arms out.
"If you don't go out today, I will take my revenge while you sleep for real tonight, you know that don't you? After all, you know how crazy I can be… how… how unstable I can be. Do you think you'll be able to sleep soundly tonight as I creep around plotting your gruesome death," I said in a crazy whisper, spinning my eyes round with a mad look on my face.
"You are fucked up, Jensen, FINE, I'll go out today."
"I'm so glad you saw sense," I said, twisting my hands together, glaring at him.
"In other news, what were you and dad talking about downstairs at some God awful hour?"
"You were awake?"
"Briefly, but then I heard your voice and fell asleep with boredom again."
"Boohoo, you're so funny… anyway it was just about Dave really."
"Why didn't I guess? So what, did the old man give you the birds and the bees jabber I have to have every two weeks, mandatory?"
"Birds and the…"
"Sex tips… he's an expert you see," Steven said, tapping his nose.
"Oh, right. Well yeah he did explain it to me I guess."
Steven rolled his eyes. "Just let it go over your head, you'll get used to it when you and Dave start to bump and grind. It's like dad is saying its ok to fuck someone as long as he issues his verbal diarrhoea license on it first."
"Actually, I found his talk quite informative."
"Yeah, you would I guess," Steven muttered under his breath. "Anyway, I did too when I first heard it, but after five hundred times, the old talk seems to lose its shine a little, you catch my drift?"
I nodded, hardly understanding what Steven was going on about, but feeling it better to agree.
"I'M NOT DEAF YOU KNOW," Max hollered up the stairs. Steven hitched his shoulders up and pulled a face, making me grin.
"He's late," I said, pacing the kitchen, looking at the clock.
"What time did you say to come round?" Susan asked, putting the finishing touches to some cookies, before putting them in the oven.
"I text him last night and said eleven," I replied.
Susan looked up at the clock and smiled. "Puppy… its five past."
"Am I being stupid?"
"No, of course not, but it's not like he's an hour late, is it?"
"I guess… so do I look ok?"
"Very handsome," she replied, looking me up and down. "Why don't you sit down, I'm sure he'll be here soon."
"I cant, I just need to-"
Ding dong, the doorbell chimed, causing me to jump out of my skin.
Susan grinned at me. "See."
"I'll go get it."
"I would," she said, chuckling.
I brushed myself down and checked my hair in the mirror before opening the door. Dave was standing in a pair of really nice designer jeans with ripped knees and a black ribbed puffer jacket.
"Hey," I said, smiling like a fool.
"Hey… so could I come in, it's kind of cold out here."
"Oh, shit…erm yeah, sure come in."
Dave kissed me on the cheek, after making sure no one could see. Straight away I vowed not to wash for a month.
"Come on through, Susan is making cookies." I said as I hobbled through to the kitchen minus my crutches.
"Hello David, Lovely to see you, how is your mum and brother?" Susan asked, giving him a kiss on the forehead
"Drama as usual Susan, you know how it is, but my brother is good, he's four in a few days."
"I know, I have a card ready, you could take it with you when you go later on."
"Sure, thanks," he replied.
"So would you boys like a drink, or shall I just leave you to it?"
"Coke? I asked, looking at Dave."
Susan pulled out the bottle from the fridge and got two glasses from the cupboard, pouring us both a drink.
"I saw Max out there cutting the hedge, that should be the last one for this year, right?" Dave asked.
"I hope so, that damn thing does grow fast, I'll say that."
"Would you like to go upstairs?" I asked him, eager to talk.
"Sure, lead on…I'll see you later Susan, thank you for the drink."
"Aww, your welcome sweetheart, make yourself at home."
Dave followed me slowly up the stairs and into the bedroom before toeing off his sneakers and jacket. He sat on Steven's bed which I had made before Dave got here and cleaned up a little. Shuffling back until he was leaning against the wall he pulled his knees up and stared at me.
"It's good to see you again," he said, smiling. I was surprised how comfortable he seemed to be in the bedroom, looking totally relaxed on Steven's bed, but then I realised, that he did used to spend a lot of time here.
"I thought you weren't coming at one point," I announced, feeling relieved he was actually in the room with me.
"Yeah sorry, I did plan to leave earlier, but… well, home stuff, you know."
"So how have you been?"
"Yeah good… thinking about you a lot."
"Hmm, me too."
"Thinking about yourself? Oh right, ok."
"No, I mean-"
"Hey I'm kidding Jensen, just trying to ease that petrified look in your eyes."
"Is it that obvious?"
"Yeah, but like I said Friday… it's cute. So, what shall we do today?"
"How long do I have you?"
"My mum starts a shift at three, so I need to be home for my brother, so I guess until then. What time is Steven due home?"
"I said I would text him… look can I start off by being honest with you?"
"Steven does know about you, and him being out today is not just a coincidence… I asked him to go out."
Dave stayed silent, as if taking in my statement. This was a big gamble, but I wasn't comfortable hiding stuff, especially to Dave.
"Will you please say something?"
"What do you mean he knows about me?" Dave asked, cautiously.
"Well, it's pretty obvious, I mean, if you think I told him, then I didn't, I would never do that because you asked me not to, but with me liking you and asking you to come here, and then you accepting, it's just obvious right?"
"So he knows I'm here today?"
"Erm, yeah," I said, biting my bottom lip. I was sure he was going to flip out, but then again, it just wouldn't be him, from what I knew.
"So like I say, it's pretty obvious."
"Depends, we could just be spending time together as friends, right?"
"If it were like that then Steven would be here, wouldn't he?" I asked, trying not to aggravate him any more than I had to.
"What did you say I was coming here for then?"
"Just to talk."
"Did he believe you?"
I smiled. "Well, he has his own theory, but you know Steven."
"Shit this is bad, I should go… I shouldn't be here, he… he might say something to the others."
Dave got up off of the bed and stepped forward and I grabbed him out of desperation. "Look… please, don't go, just… just hear me out."
I pleaded. He looked scared, even a little cross. But, eventually he did relax a little and sit back down.
"I know you say you haven't told him about me, and I believe that, but asking him to go out and then telling him the reason for that is because I am coming round is almost tantamount to announcing my sexuality, Jensen."
"Look, I know you are fearful about this, and yeah, like I said it looks obvious, but haven't you thought that if he was going to say something he would be doing that right now at Billy's?"
"How do you know he isn't… how do you know they both haven't invited Jessie round there to have a jolly old discussion about it."
I mused at his question. "Well… well I don't, but I'm sure he won't."
Dave ran a hand down his face. "Arrh, what a mess."
I stood silently feeling helpless. I had a horrible feeling he was going to bolt for the door and I now wondered if being honest had been the right thing to do.
"I'll call him… I'll make sure he doesn't say-"
"NO! No… that will just make things worse, just leave it." Dave cried, getting to his feet again.
"I've really ruined this haven't I?"
Dave blew air through his lips and placed his hands on his hips. "It's not ideal, Jensen. But I need to accept the blame for this anyway."
"Because of how long I have let this drag on for. Besides, like I said to you on Friday when we met, I need to figure something out if we are going to spend more time together, so maybe this has saved me the job."
"So you're not angry?"
"I'm worried, but no, not angry. Anyway, you're far too cute to get angry at."
I blushed. "So will you stay?"
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