Jeremy's Swimming Lessons
I couldn't breathe. I couldn't believe what I was doing.
I walked behind Terry toward the other room as nervous as I'd ever been. My eyes were locked onto his butt, but my mind was far away. Well, not too far away. I knew what I was looking at, I just wasn't able to look away. I wasn't admiring it. I was wondering what the hell I was doing.
I'm walking into that back room in the basement at the poker party, where guys have been having sex with each other, right behind Terry.
Because I want to see Terry's supposedly huge penis.
Yes. Even before I'd heard the guys talking about his size, I liked his looks.
But why am I doing this? Don't I love Mitch?
Yes. But even if he is one of us, he likes Howie more than me. He's probably wrestling with Howie right now. They're probably grabbing each other and wearing nothing but underwear. Probably both all hard and sweaty and...
Terry closed the door behind us. I hadn't even noticed that we'd gotten inside the room.
There was a couch, a coffee table in front of it, and a large television on a table across from the couch. There were tables at each end of the couch with a lamp on them. It looked like someone's living room.
I turned to see Terry standing at the door, grinning. I could see it in his pants. I wasn't so sure I wanted to see it now.
I looked around the room again. The television was on CBS and the Friday night movie was on. There was a couple of ashtrays on the coffee table. It looked so... normal.
"You thought we only came in here to fuck," Terry said, grinning. "Some of the guys do. It's not really for that. It's so guys can talk alone. Make out. Get together and be alone. And pay off the hands won with four-of-a-kinds."
I didn't know what to say. I almost wanted to run out of there.
"And so naive little freshman can have a place to be made humble."
He unzipped his jeans and unfastened the button. They fell, and he wasn't wearing any underwear. It was... massive. I didn't doubt it was nine inches at all. If he said it was ten inches, I would have believed him. I heard myself make a gasping noise.
It started rising upward, pointing toward me. It wasn't as thick as I thought it would be being that long. It was slender, almost thin. It was curved upward and to the side. The head was softly edged and almost smooth. His balls looked so small hanging under that monster.
I swallowed, but not on the first try. I shook a little. I was so nervous.
And, to my surprise, I didn't want to suck it.
I wanted to leave. I wanted to go home and wait for Mitch to call. Even if he didn't call. If he didn't, then I'd know he and Howie had a good time together. At least then I'd know I was out of the picture.
I just wanted to go home and be alone.
"Scared?" Terry asked.
I looked up from his dick. He was sure cute. But nothing like Mitch. And I was really surprised that I didn't want to do anything with Terry. I looked around the room again. It was just a room. Terry was just a really cute guy with a big penis.
But I didn't want it. Or him. I wanted Mitch.
"No," I said firmly.
I really wasn't.
"You look like you are. Or something."
I wanted him to leave. Or be able to leave. I wanted... something. Anything. Just not what was happening.
"Is something wrong?" he asked.
He put that thing away. I was really glad of that.
"Well, that's a first," he said.
"I've seen guys' jaws drop when I whip it out. I've seen guys drop to their knees. I've seen guys' eyes bulge out of their heads. But I've never seen a guy look like he wanted to cry."
Look like he wanted to cry?
"Is that how I look?"
"Sorta," he answered with a shrug.
He walked to the couch and motioned for me to sit down. I did, almost as far away from him as I could.
"What's the deal?" he asked.
"Exactly. What's the deal?"
I just stared at the ashtray on the coffee table.
"You're into someone."
I still didn't answer.
"Someone out there?" he asked.
I didn't have to see his nod toward the other room and the guys playing cards to know that he had.
"Someone you don't know if he's like us?"
"Friend? Or just someone you know?"
"Friend," I said softly. "Sorta."
"I know some ways to find out if he's interested."
I wasn't going to tell him that Chet and Howie had already made that offer.
"Okay. Gonna suffer from afar, huh?"
I shrugged. I didn't want to talk about this. Especially not with Terry, who I had liked so much until I had fallen for Mitch.
"Okay. Well, how about we just head out there and get back to having a good time?"
"No. They'll know I didn't... that I didn't..."
"So? Not like they really think we are. Most, anyway."
I finally looked away from the ashtray and at him.
"Most of 'em know it was just talk. Probably don't think I'll even show it."
"Yeah. Most. Some probably think I will show you. Even one or two might think you'll actually do it."
I wasn't so sure he was right, but he seemed to think he was.
"So, come on. Let's get back and let them know we didn't do anything."
"Yeah. Come on."
He got up and waited for me to stand up. I did, and then followed him back through the door. Most of them simply ignored us, other than when we sat down. I saw Chet grin at me quickly, and some of the others, but for the most part it was as if the dare and bet hadn't even happened.
Except for Herbert, who of course had to joke, "So, can't talk yet, Jeremy?"
"Yeah, I can talk, just nothing to say," I answered, not even looking his way.
"Didn't take long, Terry," Herbert joked next.
"Didn't do anything," Terry said before I did.
"Why not?" Herbert asked him, or me.
"Because he's a frosh, and I don't want to choke him to death," Terry said evenly.
"You didn't want to?" Herbert asked me.
"No, not really. I mean, I'd like to keep my tonsils until they need to come out."
Once the guys' laughter died down and the cards were being dealt, Dennis asked me, "You really got six inches already?"
"Yeah. Just lucky, I guess," I said, not really wanting to talk about it.
"How old are you?" he asked next.
"Fifteen next month."
"Wow. Not even fifteen and six inches. Man, you're gonna be as long as Terry, probably. Hey, Ter, were you six inches at fifteen?"
"Yeah, I was."
I almost asked, 'Really?'
"Damn, Jeremy! You're gonna have a monster! Wanna date now so I can watch it grow?"
The guys laughed, and then matched the opening bet. I did too, and discarded two cards before I said, "Not really. I don't want to give you an inferiority complex."
I gave him a grin. He was fairly nice looking. His hair was the same color as a walnut shell, slightly varied, and he kept it neat and in a nice style. His eyes were stunning. Something between hazel and golden brown. They were light, almost sparkly. He had nice lips, too. Red, lush, and shaped almost like a model's. His face was more round than oval. He was built nicely, too. I would have liked to have been with him at one time, but now I could only compare him to Mitch and see how short he came up against him.
"I'd make do with that complex, to play with that thing you've got, and watch it grow," he said, giving me a nice smile.
"He's actually almost involved, Herb," Chet said from the other table.
"He is? Why didn't he say so?"
"Because it's his business, and he doesn't seem to want to say so, but he is. He's just shy. So lay off," Chet said.
"Okay. Hope the guy knows how lucky he is," Herbert said, more to me than to Chet.
Lucky. Hah! I thought. How is it lucky to be in love with a guy who's probably not even a homosexual, and even if he is, he'd rather spend his time with a different guy?
I tried not to get into a bad mood. I hadn't drawn anything good, so when the bet went up, I folded. I was glad that the teasing about going into that room with Terry was over. I was even more glad that I wasn't in that room with Terry anymore. That was about all that I was glad about.
Some of the guys went into that room. It wasn't such a big deal now that I knew what it looked like and that they were probably just going to talk and make out. I knew they could do stuff, too, but knowing that the room wasn't just for sex made it far less imposing and bizarre.
After quite a few hands, Chet came over from the table where he had gone after going broke at the first table, leaned his hands onto my shoulders from behind my chair, and said, "Hey, want to go have a little talk?"
"Huh? About what?" I asked, craning my neck around to look up and back at him.
He just smiled and shrugged.
"Okay. I'm about broke anyway."
I put my last chips in and picked up my cards. I heaved a heavy, loud sigh, and folded. I scooted my chair back and followed Chet into that back room. He closed the door behind us and we sat down on the couch.
"Wanted to see what the problem is," he said, leaning sideways with one arm on the back of the couch, facing me.
I shrugged and asked, "What problem?"
He quirked one corner of his mouth upward and squinted his eyes at me. It was kind of cute. He was so good looking. He just wasn't anything like Mitch, though.
I sighed again when I saw how I was comparing everyone to Mitch.
"The problem that has you all mopey and quiet. You were having a better time the first time we came here than you are this time."
"You're really worried about Howie and Mitch being alone, huh?"
I felt myself frown at his words before I could stop it. I knew it wasn't going to do any good to pretend otherwise. I nodded, unable to meet his eyes now.
"Ever think that I should be worried about Howie being alone with Mitch?"
I looked up at him then. I was surprised by that thought.
"Aren't you?" I asked.
"Because I know Howie. He won't. He cares about me too much."
"He sure did stuff with me," I said confrontationally.
"When I was right there," Chet said smoothly.
He was right about that. But still...
"You did stuff with me," I pointed out.
"And Howie knew I was going to."
I swallowed and asked, "Really?"
"Sure. I told him we were going to spend the afternoon together. And I was sure you'd want to, and I wanted to try that slow hand-job on you."
"So, now Howie can do it with Mitch and it'd be okay," I said angrily.
Chet sighed really loudly and frowned.
"Howie is not going to do anything with Mitch. Even if Mitch asks him to. Wants him to. Even if he begs him to."
"What makes you so sure?"
"Because I know Howie. And we talked about it. He said he wouldn't do anything with him, just talk. And let his hands get frisky, to see how Mitch reacts. He said he wasn't going to go anywhere with him. He knows how much you like Mitch. He knows you'd be mad. He doesn't want you to hate him or anything."
I just couldn't see being alone with Mitch, and finding out that he's like us, and not doing stuff with him. It would be impossible. There was no way. Mitch was too perfect. He was too amazing. Too handsome. There was simply no way.
And I was sure that Mitch had chosen Howie over me.
"Well, I guess you can find out tomorrow, right?"
I nodded. I almost didn't want to find out. I was actually dreading the swimming lessons tomorrow.
"Wow. You're really worried, huh?"
I didn't react. I didn't want to admit how worried I was.
I looked at him.
"Just scoot your cute ass over here."
He grinned and held his arms out.
"Don't worry, I won't molest you. You just look like you could use a hug. Come on."
I sighed, then slid over close enough for him to put his arms around my shoulders. He did. Then he yanked me toward him, spun me around with my back against his chest, and wrapped his arms around me before I could react. I crossed my arms instead of fighting with him. His mouth was near my ear as he said softly, "Relax, Jer. You're so tense you feel like you're made out of rock."
I hadn't noticed, but now I did. My muscles felt rigid and tight. He leaned back a bit, taking me with him. He began rubbing my chest, very softly, with both hands.
"You really like him a hell of a lot, huh?"
I did. So very much.
"Do you love Mitch?"
My body stiffened more. I noticed. And I knew that if I noticed, that Chet noticed.
"Yeah," Chet said softly. "A hell of a lot."
"He's just so..."
My voice cracked. I hated that. It made me sound like a kid.
"Jer, you got to be ready in case Mitch isn't like us."
Oh, God! Please! Anything but that! I couldn't live if Mitch wasn't like us! Or if he didn't like me! Life wouldn't be worth living!
"Relax!" Chet said firmly. "You're like a marble statue! Breathe. Take a nice, slow, deep breath and hold it."
"Let it out nice and slow, and try to relax your muscles as you do."
I tried. The air went out just fine, but my muscles weren't responding.
Chet tightened the hug and put his lips against my ear. He whispered, "Again," very softly. I did. "Again," he whispered softly. "Imagine your muscles all going slack. Let them go."
I followed his directions, but I wasn't feeling any more relaxed.
"Damn, Jer. You're really all worked up. This calls for drastic measures. Sit up."
I did, and he slid out from behind me. He stood up and said, "I'll be right back," and walked into the other room. I was alone, and I felt alone. I felt as if I'd always be alone. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to go home. I crossed my arms over my chest again, and felt my body tightening up even more. Chet came back in and closed the door. He sat down and held up a hand-rolled cigarette.
"What?" I asked. "I've seen smokes before. So what."
"No. It's stupid."
"I agree. But this isn't tobacco."
"What is it then?"
"Ever heard of marijuana?"
"It's like tobacco, but better. It helps you relax."
"Ever had a beer?"
"Did it relax you?"
I thought back to the time I'd had a beer with my friends. I wouldn't call what I felt relaxed, but it had sure made me feel something different.
"It was kind of fun, sure."
"Well, this is like beer, but different. You don't have to, but if you trust me, I'd like you to try it with me."
"Try it? You've never?"
"Oh, sure, I have. A few times. It's fun. Just hard to get hold of."
"Where'd you get it?"
"From one of the guys. Don't ask who, okay?"
"So, want to try? I hope it helps you relax."
I obviously needed something to help me relax. I felt tight and tense. I knew I couldn't stop thinking about Mitch and Howie being alone, so if something would help me feel relaxed, at least I didn't have to feel so heavy and down.
"Inhale it, along with a lot of air from around it, sorta deep. It's gonna make you cough. Just let it. Okay?"
"Watch what I do and try to do it. Don't let your lips actually touch it. Suck in the air around the end of it and some smoke will come along with it."
He lit it and inhaled deeply around it, holding it less than an inch from his lips, then handed it to me, sort of choking in a short, quiet, odd way.
I held it like he had, and sucked air in through my pursed lips. It was hot and smoky, and I choked and coughed.
"Told ya. Don't worry about it. Happens. You'll get better at it."
He took another drag, then handed it back to me. We passed it back and forth. I started coughing less and choking less, and inhaling deeper. It tasted like old cigars smelled. I didn't like it at all.
"This is really supposed to make me relax?" I asked.
He laughed, then scooted back and held his arms out. Being hugged right then was appealing. I turned and scooted up against him, placing my back against his chest again. His arms went around me. He held the little cigarette for me as I smoked from it, then smoked from it himself. We stayed like that until the thing was too small to hold. He tossed into the ashtray on the table. I saw that there were other little stubby ends of such cigarettes there. I wondered if they were all from marijuana instead of tobacco.
Chet's hands gently stroked my chest. It felt so very good. I wondered if Mitch doing so would feel as good. I wondered what it felt like to do that to Mitch.
"Howie isn't doing anything with Mitch. Just talking, mostly. And if anything starts to happen, he won't let it. And he's not going to tell him about you liking him. He'll tell him that he knows someone who does like him, but not that it's you."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Howie said he wouldn't do anything with Mitch. I believe him. He loves me, I'm sure. And he promised. He said he sure wants to, but he wouldn't, because you like Mitch. And Howie likes you enough not to do anything with the guy you like so much."
"Positive. Forget about it. Okay?"
I nodded and tried to. I felt better, and kind of happy. I wondered if all the other guys smoked the stuff. I wondered if all the guys smoked regular cigarettes. I wondered if all the guys had all seen each other naked. I wondered if all the guys had done something together. I wondered if any of the guys wanted to with me. I wondered why I hadn't done it to Terry when I had the chance. I wondered why it felt so nice to be hugged. I wondered what it felt like to be hugged by Mitch. I wondered if I would ever get to.
"Let your head fall onto my shoulder. Relax your arms. Close your eyes."
I did. I let my head fall backward and onto his shoulder, and I let my arms fall to my sides. I sighed deeply and softly. I relaxed against his chest. I closed my eyes.
I was sort of dizzy, but not really. It was weird. And kind of nice. And I felt so soft and relaxed. And... happy? Or just not worried for a change.
"Howie will only talk with Mitch. He'll only touch him enough to see if he likes it. If he does like it, Howie will only do what he thinks would be cool with you. He'll probably even tell you everything that happened. He's trying to see if Mitch is like us. He'll only do that. You don't need to worry. Howie knows how much you like Mitch. He likes you quite a bit. He says you're probably one of the most decent guys he knows. Says you seem like the kind of guy a guy could trust with anything. And you'd probably even put yourself in danger to keep a friend out of that danger. Howie likes you, Jer. And he won't do anything to make you mad at him, or that would hurt your feelings. You can trust Howie as much as you trust me. Promise. And if he does go too far with Mitch, I'll hold Howie down while you pound him."
I snickered at that thought. More at the sight of Chet holding down Howie so that I could punch him. I knew Howie would break out of Chet's grip and probably pound the both of us at the same time.
"I'm really being kind of dumb, huh?"
"Yeah. But it's like that when you really like someone."
"Is it always like that when you do?"
"I think so. I mean, I only liked a couple of guys before Howie. I had no chance with them, of course. Not until Howie. And it was like that with Howie. I mean, even when he was just with friends when I wasn't there, I was so worried and shit. I didn't have anything to worry about, but I still did. Stupid."
"Howie and I want to smoke one of these with you and Mitch on Saturday. It'll relax him. I think we'll find out a lot. What do you think?"
I felt so relaxed and happy. I knew I could screw up if I wasn't careful, and was being asked those kinds of questions. I was pretty sure it would. That improved my mood quite a bit.
We were quiet for a while. Chet rubbed my chest softly, and I sort of ran my fingers along his forearms with my eyes still closed.
"Your breathing is much better. Slow and even. And you feel like you're plenty relaxed now."
I was. I couldn't remember ever feeling so relaxed. It was like being awake when your body and mind were asleep. It was very nice. So nice, that I was getting hard. And it felt magnificent. More swirly and wild. Just... neat!
I wanted to do it with Chet. Now. Mitch didn't matter so much suddenly. I was horny and ready, and we were alone. And that room had been used for that before, and would again, so why not?
I knew he was going to ask to do it. I was thrilled! And so ready!
"We shouldn't hog the room. We've been in here quite a while. Let's get back. Feel like playing cards now?"
Damn it! No, I didn't feel like playing cards! I felt like playing with him!
I grabbed his arm and directed his hand to my lap. He snickered.
"Jer, I'd like to, but you'd regret it later. You'd probably end up angry that we did. So no."
He pulled his hand away. I was so let down! Almost mad.
"I just told you why. Think about it."
I did. I still wanted to. I knew I'd probably not be very glad we had later, but right then, I sure wanted to.
"Let that thing go down and let's get back to cards."
"I'd rather not. I'd rather go home."
"To take care of it?"
I snickered. I knew I probably would. It felt too great not to!
"Geeze! You trying to make me explode?"
He laughed, and so did I.
"Save it for tomorrow."
"Geeze, Chet. I don't think I can!"
He laughed. I really didn't think I could. It was going crazy! I tingled all over, and it almost felt like it was being sucked on. I had to make it shoot soon or I'd just simply explode.
"You'll survive. Promise."
"Not so sure," I nearly groaned.
"Come on," he said, giving me a gentle shove out of his embrace.
I missed it the second he made me move. I turned to face him. He was really good looking. Nothing like Mitch, but still very cute.
"Don't give me those puppy-dog eyes," he said, smirking.
I laughed. I hadn't meant to.
"It's really cute, Jer, but I'm not gonna. Save it up."
I sighed and groaned at the same time, rolled my eyes and my head, and stood up. His eyes shot to my lap.
I looked down and it was pushing almost straight out. I laughed and then adjusted it as best as I could.
"Better?" I asked.
"Better, but no missing it. Any chance it'll go down soon?"
"Not a one," I said, knowing that it was going to be hard for quite a while.
"Well, at least they won't think we were going at it," he said, shaking his head.
"They will. Why else would I have a boner?"
"Because we didn't do anything," he said simply.
I knew what he meant, but it would still mean we had done something to make it hard. He reached out and pulled my shirt out of my slacks and tugged it down.
"Cover it?" I asked.
"Well, sort of."
I jerked my slacks up and adjusted my erection to point upward.
"Good enough. Come on."
We walked out to the other room. No one said anything. Just like when the other guys came out together. We sat down and played cards. I ended up laughing and having an okay time. I even won a few hands. When I got a pair of jacks, I threw out the other three cards, and drew two more jacks, I folded.
I wanted to save it. Just in case things went well with Mitchell tomorrow. And if not, then it would still be unbelievably intense alone later, and after seeing all three of them all wet and nearly naked in the pool for hours.
Herbert won with four queens. He glanced at me and smiled. I shook my head.
"Fine," he said, then looked at Terry.
"Oh, really?" Terry said, grinning. "Think you can handle it?"
"Have before," Herbert said, grinning wider.
"Well, then, so long as you don't scream loud enough to wake the neighbors, let's go," Terry said, then stood up.
I saw that he was already getting hard. Herbert stood, and I was almost sure there was a bulge starting up on the side. They walked into the back room together.
I started getting very hard again. I had to slyly adjust it as we continued playing. Quite a few hands later, they came back out. They were sweaty and grinning. And no one said anything. They sat down and played cards. Herbert seemed to fidget a lot in his chair.
I just couldn't imagine having Terry's huge thing up there. It had to have hurt! I doubted that I could even sit down after that. Not for a while, anyway.
Later, Dennis won with aces, and he and Mark went into the room together. When they came out, there was no mistaking they had done it. They were red-faced, sweaty, and grinning like it. No one said anything, and they sat down and played.
I started getting sleepy. I yawned a lot. I was having a great time, though, and almost whined like a little kid when Chet said he had to get me home before my parents thought he had taken me out to get drunk and laid.
Everyone said bye and waved. I felt like I was leaving a friends' place.
I was yawning a lot during the entire ride home. I was so tired I wasn't worried about having to force myself not to play with it. It was hard, sure, but I was just too tired.
"Night, Jer. Pick you up about noon, okay?"
"What about your ball game? Don't you play tomorrow?"
"Early game. Starts at nine."
"Okay. See you about noon."
"Or so. Hard to tell when the game will end. And I'll need to go home and shower."
"Okay. See ya tomorrow."
I opened the door and got out. He honked and pulled away.
Inside, my folks were watching the television.
"Have a good time?" Dad asked.
"Hanging out with seniors on the weekend," he said, grinning. "In my day, that was as good as against the rules."
"Well, it's nineteen-sixty-three, Dad. Get with the times."
"Clean your room, then get to bed, young man. You have chores in the morning, you know," Mom said.
"Yeah. Oh! Chet's going to pick me up after his game about noon. That okay?"
"Are you going to be gone all day? I assume?" Dad asked.
"I don't know. At least until after the swimming lessons. Maybe go get a burger or something after."
He asked, "He must be playing awful early."
"Oh. Well, if you get your chores done soon enough, maybe we can catch the last half of the game or so. You can ride off with him from there, if that's okay with him. Or you can come home with me and he can pick you up later."
"Great!" I exclaimed. "Night!"
They said goodnight, and I dashed off to my room. I cleaned my room, then showered quickly, then fell onto my bed, naked and exhausted. I barely thought to cover myself, in case.
I didn't even have time to think much about Mitch and the pool and talking to him about that stuff before I was asleep.
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