by Rafael Henry
Charlie and I have been friends for three years now…..ever since starting at secondary school. We're both in year ten, and just starting our exam courses proper. Charlie likes school more than I do. Because we're fond of each other, we help each other with things like homework, of which we get far too much in my opinion. We go to an academic school where all the departments are competing for our undivided attention through the tons of homework they throw at us on a daily basis. Charlie is better at maths and science than me, but I'm good at the arts subjects, especially art and music. I'm going to study one of those when I finally get out of the place in…..I don't know…..four years time? That sounds like a long time to me.
It might sound a bit odd to you, but Charlie and I are fond of each other. To be honest, it's a bit more than just 'liking'. We need each other. Lots of boys feel that way about each other….I hope? We text or phone all the time because that's what us kids do. I admit there are relationships between boys and girls, proper friendships, and relationships. This is where we get into deeper water I suppose. As I have implied, my friendship with Charlie goes a bit further, and if I'm truthful, further than our parents would approve of. They might understand, albeit grudgingly, that boys do go through 'stages', but it's a good job they are not aware of the 'stage' we're at. No. It hasn't gone on long enough to be that obvious, or deep enough to tell all the world. It's a private thing between us, and nothing to do with anyone else. That's our view of it.
You might wonder how it started? The usual way I suppose. He made the year seven football team and I nearly did. We chatted in the playground a few times, and I began to think about him in bed from time to time. I've seen him in his knickers in the changing room and was interested in what I saw. He's seen me too, and I happen to know that I was noticed. I started to think about him in bed a bit more, and realised I wanted to be proper friends with him, so I invited him round one weekend. We had a nice time going round the town, getting something to eat, and then going to a film. It nearly happened in the cinema. We were both thinking about it, but neither of us had the courage to actually do anything, like touch the other person. We laughed about it a couple of weeks later…after he'd invited me to sleep over at his house. Bingo!
The average Mum isn't going to worry about two eleven year olds sharing a bed are they? No, not really. Well some might I suppose. The point was that there was only one bed in Charlie's bedroom.
'Is that a problem boys?'
'No mum……that's fine. Tom can sleep on the floor if he wants.'
Tom didn't want, and Tom didn't have to. Neither of us had had the courage to touch each other in any way up to that point. All that changed the first night at his place when we shared that lovely big wide bed together.
Here's how it happened. Issue number one…..what do we sleep in? We were up in his room after tea and sorting stuff out generally. I asked him……
'What do you wear in bed Charlie?'
'Depends I 'spose……how hot it is……whatever I feel like. Nothing sometimes. What about you?'
'The same really……I've got pyjamas for tonight.'
'Oh. That's ok then. I don't like them.'
'What….me wearing them?'
'No stupid… . me wearing them. You can do what you like.'
'I'll do what you do then. What will you do?'
'I dunno…….some pants maybe……and a tee shirt.'
'Yeah…..as you're here. I wouldn't bother if you weren't here, but seeing as you are here, I'll put some pants on I suppose.'
I think deep down I was disappointed to hear him say that.
'Oh, ok then. I will too.'
TV after tea, some polite chit chat with Charlie's mother, and then a feeble excuse to get up to the bedroom. I have to admit to a few butterflies in the tummy at that point.
'We can get ready for bed if you want Tom?'
Oh my goodness. I watched him undress. It was tee shirt, shorts, and then socks off whilst sitting on the edge of the bed in his pants. There was a distinct bulge at the front I noticed. Either he was considerably better endowed than I was, or he has a partial stiffy. I was far too nervous to have anything other than my usual little shrivelled walnut whippy thing. I was also down to my underwear by this time.
'Are you going to wear them ?'
Apparently not. He went over to the cupboard, rifled through a pile of stuff and extracted a pair of plain coloured brief pants. I don't think mine are the height of fashion, but obviously not up to par as far as Charlie is concerned….or is there some other reason?
I took the little cotton garment and thought to myself….ok, here we go' .
Charlie watched as the striped number I was wearing came down and off my feet, to be rapidly replaced by Charlie's ever so slightly loose substitute. He is a little bigger than me generally….and in other ways too by the look of him. He looked at me and smiled.
'Are you ok in them?'
'I think so. Do you think I am then?'
'Umm. What about me?'
Just a tad speechless, I just nodded my approval. We didn't bother with the tee shirts. The walnut whip was just a little less whippy now, pleasantly in repose in its slightly oversized dwelling place.
We did the bathroom stuff together when I got a good look at his penis for the first time. My first thought was 'is it bigger than mine?' Answer…oh yes. It was in every way….longer, thicker, and less skin hanging off the end. We did the boys' thing and peed in unison into the lavatory bowl, mine at an angle as the foreskin tends to redirect the flow fractionally, often in the wrong direction. Charlie's got his foreskin to come back over the head, so no such difficulties for him. I think his extended at least an inch during the piddling process. I was ever so slightly intimidated, but I needn't have worried.
Teeth done, we made our way back along the landing to our room passing another door on the way. Charlie's people are not poor, hence the five bed house in a nice suburb of the town. There was a small square piece of card with 'ROBBIE LIVES HERE SO KEEP OUT, hand written in black marker pen, attached via sellotape to the door. I glanced at the instruction and thought, ok, fair enough. I had met Robbie before.
Did you ever see that film 'Home Alone'? Robbie, in my opinion, bears more than a passing resemblance to Mac, as he appeared in the film, supposedly aged eight. He wasn't…..he was actually eleven when he made that movie in 1991. My mother bought the DVD for us three years ago or so. Anyway, you can't go round to a friend's house and not see little brother if he happens to have one. Robbie is three and a half years Charlie's junior, which means he is generally a bit of a nuisance to him…….to be tolerated but still a nuisance quite a lot of the time, and Robbie of course likes to tease his older brother. He's one of those physical boys who seem to invite a kind of admiration from others. He's what my mother would call 'cute'. I hate that word, but I suppose I have to agree….it's an apt description of Robbie. Cute…..and how.
Robbie would have his tea with us which meant I had some knowledge of his cheeky personality. I have to say I found him passably amusing and I think he had noticed. I found myself glancing regularly in his direction hoping he wouldn't suddenly glance back at me and catch me looking.
There's a teacher at school who does that to me. I am aware that he looks at me quite a lot, so I keep looking at him to see if he's doing it again. When I catch him looking , he looks away quickly and busies himself with some papers or something like that. I never said anything to the others about it because I don't want to get the bloke a reputation. Once that sort of rumour starts, there's no stopping it. Anyway, I'm quite flattered that he even wants to look at me. It's like that with me and Robbie. He knows I have a look and he plays up to it.
Charlie is, in my opinion, nice looking but not spectacularly so……certainly not pretty. He's a boy's boy……quite sporty and……all boy if you know what I mean. There's nothing girly about him at all. Put it this way…..if we were husband and wife, he'd be the husband and I would be the dutiful wife in the pinny. My duty would extend to the bedroom of course. I would know that he wanted it before bedtime. He'd let me know in that oblique way of his….some subtle or not so subtle innuendo whilst watching telly after dinner. Then in bed it would be a hand on my breast, and then it would slip down lower as his breathing quickened. I know what to expect….insufficient foreplay to get me nicely wet in there……and the realisation that by the time he's come, I'd be nowhere near. I would have to see to that particular matter myself later. Of course I would let him have his way, and in any method of his choosing. I smile as I lie on my back, legs wide apart, and accept him into me, often painfully fast. I know what he likes as he fucks me hard, into me as deep as he can get. I play with him back there because it will make him come quicker, and that's what he likes. There, it's over now, and much better this way round than the other. It was my period last week and I'm still sore back there, but that's my Charlie and I love him.
Yes, that's how it would be with me and Charlie.
You might wonder how I, at the tender age of fourteen going on fifteen, can write that sort of thing about a man and woman and sex. No problem. I'm very well read in many matters, and that's just one of them. Besides if I'm curious, all I have to do is consult the net. We all do it. In my case I read my mother's magazines which can have very illuminating articles in them about the female orgasm and what they want their husband to do for them…and vice versa. And what about man on man sex then? Does any adult on the planet imagine we don't know what's possible in those circles?
One of my chosen subjects to read for my GCSE's is History. Our course includes Ancient Civilization. I happened to delve into the life and habits of the Emperor Tiberius recently……..a very unpleasant piece of work who invented lots of ways to have a good time. Having collected up from the villages a dozen or so of the most eligible boys aged between eight and ten, approved them as fit for purpose, and then he, or his assistant, would train the boys to swim around with him in the pool at his palace on Capri. He called them his 'minnows' or 'tiddlers'. They would swim around with him tickling him between the legs with their tongues. How's that for kinky? And that's not all. I can just imagine Robbie performing that particular task very nicely for the very nasty Tiberius.
I know what Robbie's up to, the little perisher. It's quite a clever little scheme he's got going there. He's worked out that I find him amusing so he's playing up to that……the coy smiles and little glances in my direction…and the other stuff. It's a very subtle teasing campaign on big brother isn't it? Wind up brother by trying to distract his mate? Then there's the other stuff I just mentioned. The weather is warm at the moment being June and all that. We wear shorts when we are not in our school trousers. Why does he have to lean back in his chair like that, with his feet up on the front and his legs wide apart? He knows exactly what he's doing, as he gives me another one of those smily glances. Bad boy. His mother notices… ..
'Robbie, sit properly please.'
'Why? What's wrong with the way I'm sitting? It's comfortable…….I like it.'
He adjusts his position slightly to placate his mum, but if anything it's worse now. At least he's wearing something under his shorts. He tries not to laugh. Charlie looks annoyed. I make a point of not taking any notice, but I have.
'Can you shut the door properly please Tom? Don't want Robbie poking his nose in.'
'No, not if my door's shut. He wouldn't dare….especially if you're here.'
'What about your mother?'
No problem there. What mother of a teenage boy would go unannounced into her son's bedroom after the door has been closed for the night? Very few, hopefully, and please not this one.
Robbie certainly wasn't going to disturb us. His mother insists that his door is left ajar at night. As we passed, I could just make out his bed in the corner of the dark room. He was lying on his side facing the wall partially covered by his blue and white patterned duvet, bare shouldered in the warm atmosphere, and thankfully asleep. Then Charlie says…
'Do you want to have a look at the little brat?'
We crept in and the sleeping figure didn't move. As we hovered over the sleeping figure, Charlie says
'Have a look at this Tom.'
Charlie deftly drew back the duvet that covered the lower part of his younger brother until all of his tummy and the upper parts of his legs were revealed. He was sleeping naked. Robbie's right hand was jammed between his legs which were slightly open. His thumb had forced his boy balls upward which had tightened the skin around them. You could see tiny red veins in the stretched skin within which lay his testes. Robbie's penis lay to one side, the foreskin tight on the partially revealed head.
I whispered to Charlie.
'What's he been up to then?'
'He's fallen asleep in the process by the look of it.'
We both chuckled.
'Do you want to touch it Tom? He won't wake up. Go on……he wouldn't mind anyway. He fancies you something rotten.'
'He does…..definitely. Haven't you worked that out? Do you want to then?'
'Want to what?'
'You know . '
'You're kidding aren't you?'
'No. I'll turn him over for you. Kneel down here. Are you right handed? Watch this.'
Charlie applied gently pressure on Robbie's shoulder. The slim body stirred slightly and then he obediently turned onto his back. The compact but very beautiful sex organ was completely accessible now as it lay flaccid on the soft warm skin….pelvic bones jutting from his flattened tummy, hands to his sides. The hand that lay between his legs had gone, leaving the testes relaxed between his legs side by side.
'Well go on then.'
'I can't Charlie. What if he woke up?'
'So what if he does. He'd be very pleased to see you . Go on. He won't wake up.'
Ten minutes later… .
We kept our pants on when Charlie and I got into bed. I was feeling very odd after our visit to the slumbering Robbie, and Charlie was right. Robbie didn't wake up. We talked about this and that for a while, avoiding the issue that we both wanted to address urgently. We lay facing each other with a foot or so between us. Then Charlie came out with it… .
'Do you do it then?'
'Umm…..now and again. How about you?'
'More than now and again.'
'How often then?'
'Most days…….probably every day…..once or twice.'
We laughed at that.
'Yes…..and so do you probably.'
'Yes, probably six times a day.'
Well actually no, he's wrong there……five times is my record, but I didn't argue the point.
'Did you want to in the cinema the other day?'
'Yes, but I wasn't sure you did. Did you?'
'Yes, but I wasn't sure you did.'
More under the covers laughter.
'Do you want to now?'
'Yes I think so. Do you?'
'Yes, but have you before……with someone else….another boy?'
'No. Have you?'
'Yes, but it was only… . '
No answer, but I knew who it was. It must have been Robbie.
'Was it Robbie?'
'Umm. He wanted me to show him how, sort of thing.'
'So you did.'
I don't blame him. I would imagine it's common amongst brothers not too different in age. Charlie hadn't taken his eyes off me for five minutes.
'Are you ok Charlie?'
'Uhuh. Do you want to come closer?'
I answered by edging nearer to him. I could feel the warmth of his body now.
'Do you mind putting your arm round me?'
I did. It was the first time I have ever shown or demonstrated affection in a physical way to anybody apart from relatives, and certainly not another boy. I found the gesture intensely exciting. Was this making love? Was this sex?
I could feel Charlie touching my skin…around my shoulders and down my back. I did the same for him as we closed the gap between us completely. I could feel his hands go lower. A moment later his hand gently was gently rubbing my bottom. His hand went first to one buttock and then to the other, but thankfully not in between. I wondered what I would do if his hand delved in between my bottom cheeks. I had no idea. I was however, very conscious of what my penis thought about it all. He thought it was all great fun.
Charlie and I closed the gap between us completely which allowed me to touch the skin of my friend. Up to this point I had only admired his skin from a distance, usually in places where one gets to see more of other boys' bodies than you do in a classroom……the gym changing room, or the showers. Now I was running my hand down Charlie's back. Up and down I went, not quite knowing where I would go next. I think Charlie must have sensed a certain reticence on my part because he whispered in my ear…… .
'Just do what I do Tom.'
Ok, problem sorted. I knew I could always rely on Charlie for a pragmatic solution to a problem.
Charlie's hand was on the back of my head. His other hand had a very firm grip on my testis, which was rather liking the attention. I had a nice handful of Charlie's testes. They felt interesting as I moved them around in my fingers, and bizarrely reminded me of an illustration in my Human Biology textbook, and they also felt worryingly larger than my own. I graduated to Charlie's penis. Oh dear. Not only are Charlie's balls in the Premier league, but so is his penis.
The first kiss that Charlie planted on my lips didn't last long. It's not that I recoiled exactly. No, it was just the realization of what had happened I think….the shock of it I suppose.
Don't be sorry Charlie. It was nice…..it really was. He's my friend and if he wants to plonk his mouth on top of mine, then that's ok with me.
'That's ok Charlie. Can I do it to you?'
I had to share with him my concerns about my inadequate sexual organs.
'I think your bits are way bigger than mine.'
'No they're not Tom. Yours are nice. I love your bits. I do……really.'
Sweet! Now that's the kind of friend you want.
He squeezed me again…..harder this time.
'Does that hurt Tom?'
'No. I like it.'
'Shall we take our pants off now?'
Yes please, but……
'Can I do it for you Tom?'
Oh yes please.
It's only one small article of clothing. We'd kept ours on thus far, and all the feeling had been felt through one single layer of white cotton.
Charlie was on his knees between my legs. His hands were all over me, as they say…..chest, tummy, the tops of my legs, and the tips of his fingers just inside my pants. It was intensely erotic, and I am overwhelmed by a flood of Charlie's loving. Everything I knew and thought about Charlie flowed through his hands and into my body during those moments.
I gripped his arms and pulled him down.
It was a strange realization that I was with another person. Hands around heads now as our breath was forced into each other. Our lips hurt from pressing too hard, unskilled loving, mouths wet with our saliva.
I couldn't believe what had just happened…..it was just too wonderful.
That was more than a year ago now.
I can remember going down to breakfast the next morning. Robbie, bare chested and just in shorts, was already working on his bowl of cereal, one elbow on the table, the other hand holding his spoon and moving the little square objects from one side of the bowl to the other. He gave me one of those sideways knowing looks of his with a hint of a smile. Had we woken him last night?
I felt my face redden at the possibility……..had he been aware of our intrusion the previous night?
My lips felt sore and I suspected they might even be slightly swollen. I looked at Charlie. His mother busied herself at the sink. She had undoubtedly noticed the dishevelled state we were in. That might not be the only thing she had noticed last night.
A month later, Charlie's larger than normal single bed had been replaced by two single pine beds, deemed more appropriate to accommodate him and an overnight visitor.
'Now your that little bit older Charlie……' his mother had said to him. She'd dealt with it reasonably, but firmly. After all, if there had been separate beds in Charlie's room, the boys wouldn't have had the opportunity would they? She blamed herself really. No, Charlie is far too old to share his bed with his friend. She should have known. Oh well, what's done is done, and it's not going to happen again. She'll see to that.
I sat opposite Robbie at the breakfast table that morning. He kept looking up at me. Charlie had been called out into the hall to talk privately with his mother about something. I had to deal with Robbie.
'Why do you keep looking at me Robbie? Is there something the matter?' I asked, getting ever so slightly pissed off with him.
He looked down with that revolting 'little boy who had got the cream' look. Then he says……
'Did you sleep ok Tom?'
By now I was furious and upset. It must have been so obvious. I could have gone round the table and pushed his pretty little face into his corn flakes…or whatever they were. Shreddies actually.
When Charlie came back into the kitchen, he looked upset. Anyway, that was it. Charlie and I had finally got over our inhibitions and indulged ourselves in a good helping of very pleasurable activity. I had never done it with a boy before, but now I had, and I wasn't in the least bit sorry.
We went up to his room and sat on the bed in silence. I didn't ask him about the conversation he'd had with his mother. His face told me all I needed to know.
The price of love and affection eh? Why?
I'd never seen Charlie cry before. Of course I held him, who wouldn't have. I couldn't bear his distress, and I was the cause.
We needed time and opportunity to reflect on events and answer a few questions that we both had, like 'do we want to go on with this thing'?
Later that day, we walked to the public library for a browse. Charlie was the first to raise the issue… ..
'Tom.' He said, quietly and thoughtfully.
'How do feel about what happened last night?'
I was expecting a question like that this morning. I had decided that I would be honest with my friend. Hopefully he was still a friend.
'I'm ok Charlie. I'm really glad it happened actually, but I would understand if you're upset about it. I know you are, and I'm really sorry.'
He stopped and turned towards me and smiled
'I'm ok too……I think.'
It was like the time that morning in his room, but this was in public, and in the Public Library for heaven's sake. We managed to get ourselves into the corner of the children's section.
Charlie's jumper felt soft and smelled new. It is new….bought a week ago by his mother. A girl, quite young, looked at us, and then averted her eyes and went on reading. 'Little Women' probably, or 'Black Beauty' maybe? I don't know. I let Charlie's arm go, aware of the little girl's staring.
Charlie wasn't finished yet, his body turned into the corner of the shelving, and still needed me close to him, or so I thought. I saw 'The Jungle Book' in front of me on the shelf. There a printed label on the edge of the shelf….Rare books. It looked like an old one. I took the faintly tatty volume off the shelf thinking it might distract Charlie if I showed him. I turned the pages carefully. My father had taught me how to handle books properly.
It was beautifully illustrated, and the boy did bear a resemblance to Charlie….but an even greater one to his younger brother. Mowgli leaving the jungle. I imagined Charlie, naked like Mowgli, leaving the jungle. I looked through the volume and found more.
Touched Charlie's arm again, just a gentle stroke of my hand down his forearm.
'Get off me Tom!'
So there we were. There I was not knowing .
After that day we had to careful to choose when and where we met to. We had talked about and had decided we wanted to continue something physical together. We used my house more often than not because my parents were both at work so there was an opportunity after school, of which we took some advantage.
Everything required a degree of planning. By the time Charlie had seen two weeks of his fifteenth year we had both decided we wanted it, seeing that experience as perhaps as it turned out, the catharsis of our relationship. I wasn't ready to stop, but Charlie was.
He had decided that girls might conceivably have something interesting to offer him. I couldn't hide my disappointment but it's his life. Whatever happened, we decided, we would remain friends for life.
Robbie's life had progressed from the year six brat that he was, into a new year seven pupil at our school, having passed as we had done three years ago the County Test for entry into selective education. Grammar Schools are now considered politically incorrect these days, but our county were still fighting to keep the fifteen or so single sex schools they still had. Ours has a tradition that goes back to sixteen hundred and something apparently, and I have to say I'm not ashamed to be part of it.
I was over at Charlie's place the evening before Robbie's first day. He showed us his new uniform which involved, interestingly for me, stripping off in Charlie's bedroom. I hadn't seen him nude for a long time…not since that night when Charlie had turned him over in bed for a view of his brother's handsome nether regions. That was a bit naughty of us……especially Charlie. Later that night, I had wished it had been me.
Robbie had everything new, from his socks up to his striped House tie. The whole performance was I suspect, or rather I hope, for my benefit. I just had a feeling it was. He abandoned the pair of horrible novelty knickers he had on, for a more sober little number, which I much prefer as it happens…….plain and simple with enough room inside to not feel too restricted. Once pulled up into position, he treated us to a rather girly twirly routine to give us the full benefit of his lovely eleven year old body.
The image of Mowgli reappeared.
He held the pose so that we could admire his perfect and fulsome cotton clad bottom. I joked……
'You're not going to do that in the changing rooms I hope?'
Charlie and I laughed. Robbie looked slightly annoyed that we found it funny.
Robbie completed the ensemble by pulling over his head his new and pristine navy blue jumper with the thin bands of pale blue around the V neck. Perfect. I added to my last remark……
'Well I suppose you'll do. What do you think Charlie? Will he do for us?'
'It looks like he'll do for you Tom.'
Oh dear. Unwise comment or what? Just a little uncalled for perhaps. It rather hurt me, and I felt my face flush. Of course Charlie knows.
Robbie gave me one of those looks of his……almost expressionless but somehow full of meaning. The act of donning the jumper had ruffled Robbie's fair hair and his skin had a pink flush about it now, rather like mine as it happened. I stared back at him. I think Charlie had noticed that too.
'I'll be back in a minute…..leave you to it.'
Charlie left the room closing the door behind him. A moment later I heard him talking to his mother downstairs. Robbie took a couple of steps towards me.
'Am I ok Tom?'
I sensed just a moment of anxiety in his voice.
'Yes of course Robbie. You look great. I wouldn't lie to you would I?'
'No, I wouldn't, not about anything.'
'So, would you tell me then?'
'Tell you what?'
'Anything about me?'
'What's that supposed to mean Robbie?'
'I mean, would you tell me what you really think about me? I know about you and Charlie. I know what you do. So does mum.'
'That's none of your bloody business Robbie. Anyway, we're not friends now. Not like that.'
'So what's wrong with me then? You don't like me do you? You think I'm a nuisance, and stupid. I'm not stupid Tom. You're never nice to me….ever.'
I'm at home now, and in bed picturing in my mind the image of Robbie as he prepared to clothe himself, and nude. Am I ok , he asks.
Robbie has grown in the last year in every way. His arms have yet to fill out, his shoulders too are those of a young boy…quite narrow and bony below his slender neck. His face has lengthened somewhat but still has the charm of boyhood…the pale blue eyes and the wide mouth and nicely formed lips always left slightly apart to reveal a little of the tops of the rows of teeth within. Gone is the rounded tummy to be replaced by something more mature, flatter and firmer. His limbs are longer now, thighs that promise strength in a year or so perhaps, but not yet. Man-cub.
Charlie and I are still friends thank goodness. We've known each other for far too long not to be friends, despite the occasional falter. I still sleep over at his too, but things are different now. Robbie has changed, not only physically but in terms of his attitudes to things. We get on well now.
One evening we met in the bathroom there, quite by accident. I had walked in, in my pyjama bottoms, and found Robbie already there, similarly clothed as I was.
'Oh, sorry Robbie!' and retreated.
'Don't go Tom.'
I stood beside him as he wiped the toothpaste from his mouth. He put the brush and flannel down on the edge of the basin. His head was lowered and he looked preoccupied.
'What's the matter Robbie? Is there something wrong?'
'No, not really.'
'Well what then?'
He lifted his head to look me in the eye.
'Am I still ok Tom?'
I just had, in an instant, a thought that excited me.
'I don't know, do I Robbie?'
'What don't you know?'
'About you. I haven't seen you have I?'
'Yes. I haven't seen all of you.'
'Can I show you then?'
'Yes, of course you can.'
Robbie showed me his body in the bathroom that night.
I've seen fourteen year old boys at the same stage of sexual development as an eleven year old, and the reverse too. Robbie simply lowered his pyjama bottoms enough to show me. I'm in the first category. I think it is happening, just about. It hasn't happened for Robbie yet. Nowhere near.
'Can I see you too please Tom?'
I pulled the front of my pyjamas down and showed him.
'You haven't got any hair Tom.'
'I have, but it's very fair Robbie. Look.'
He did, at some length, and about twelve inches away, peering at my nether regions like a professor examining a priceless painting.
'Not much. I haven't got any.'
'I can see that. Are you worried about it?'
'Good. You make a beautiful man-cub Robbie.'
'Yes, just like Mowgli. Turn round please.'
Man cub stood perfectly upright and still as I traced a line from his hair line, his neck and down his spine towards the coccyx. I stopped a couple of inches before reaching it. To go further would have been too close.
I did it several times.
'Can I turn round now?'
'Yes, you can turn round now.'
There was just the faintest smile on Robbie's face when he showed me.
I nodded and smiled.
'Big man cub eh?'
His smile broadened.
'You big man cub too.'
We admired each other for a few seconds.
'I haven't seen that for a while Robbie.'
'Not since you woke me up?'
'When did I wake you up?'
'Don't you remember?'
Yes, I do remember now.
On school days Charlie, Robbie and I usually had lunch together, unless of course Charlie had been kept back for a few minutes by a teacher he had annoyed during the last lesson of the morning. He was apt to do that. Today, Robbie and I had been early in the queue and were sitting down with a plate of what we called 'flat meat', roast potatoes and a small serving of cabbage….plus an ample amount of that dark brown gelatinous accompaniment known as school canteen gravy.
Robbie seems to have dropped into a more challenging academic world very nicely, coping, so Charlie says, very well with an explosion of demands made upon his time. He looks well on it anyway….two weeks in and a uniform still in more or less mint condition. That's quite good going for a year seven.
When Charlie eventually joined us, moving a compliant year eight boy sideways to make space for himself, he informed us that another friend of his was joining the fortnightly sleepover this coming weekend. Neither Robbie or I said anything at first, or even looked up. I was the first to react. Robbie looked like he was thinking deep thoughts.
'Oh, that's nice.' I said, trying to sound jolly.
'Yes, but it's a question of who goes in what room. What do you think Tom?'
'Well, as he's not been before, perhaps he should go in with you.'
I tried hard not to sound annoyed. I can just feel myself being elbowed out here. And there was the girlfriend thing too, although I'm not sure how that's going, if at all.
'That's a fair point Tom. What do you think Robbie? It's going to affect you most.'
'Because someone will have to come in with you , that's why.'
'Oh. But I don't know this bloke do I? Who is it anyway?'
No answer to the second question.
'Ok, point taken. Tom will have to share with you then. Is that ok?'
I looked at Robbie who made a point of not looking at me, or so it seemed. Robbie didn't want to sound too keen.
'I suppose so.'
We ate our lunch without any meaningful conversation, which is difficult anyway in that place full of noisy boys chattering, and the sound of plates being cleared, scraped clean, stacked, and cutlery thrown into a large stainless steel bowl.
I watched Robbie leave the table. We don't wear our blazers in there for obvious reasons. Robbie had dropped his knife noisily and with his back to me, bent almost double to pick it up. We notice when another boy does that, and we look. That's what boys like me do. We look. I noticed Robbie, and a flutter of nerves went through me.
He stood up, knife in hand, and turned towards me. I smiled. He smiled back, putting his head back slightly, which told me that he knew. He knew I had looked at him, the beautiful boy cub.
I found out who the new friend was…the boy that is, not the girl. I wasn't really bothered about her. He's a sporty character know as Miff. Don't ask me why he's got that nickname, I don't know. Apparently he's in the year ten football team with Charlie, so that says it all as far as I'm concerned. Charlie had a practice after school, so I walked homewards with Robbie, laden down by a very heavy school rucksack. I had very little in mine.
'Here, you have this one Robbie and I'll take yours.'
'Thanks Tom. Is that ok then…about the weekend?'
'Yes Robbie, it's ok. I think I can just about put up with you for an hour or so.'
'An hour or so? I thought it was all night? Charlie said it was all night?'
'I'm just teasing you Robbie. It is all night.'
'Well don't tease Tom. It's not very nice is it.'
'No, it's not. Sorry.'
We walked on down the road. Robbie's head was down and he clearly didn't want me to see his face. I put my hand on his shoulder and stopped him.
'Sorry . I didn't mean to be unkind'.
He didn't answer, but still kept his head down.
'Are you still my Boy Cub?'
He nodded, face still down. A few seconds later he enquires… .
'I thought I was Man Cub?'
'No, not yet. You're still Boy Cub I think, but you can be Man Cub if you want?'
'No, I want to be Boy Cub.'
Facing me now, I put my fingers under the boy cub's chin and applied enough gentle pressure upwards so I could see his face. He wasn't quite recovered.
'I'm sorry Boy Cub. Do you forgive me?'
If anything it made it worse when I said that.
'I'll forgive you if you let me call you Man Cub?'
'Ok. MC and BC. Agreed, but only when we're on our own…..when no one else is there ok?'
'When will that be?'
Like Charlie's, Robbie's room was equipped with two single beds……pine ones that matched….and three foot wide. I know that because I have measured them. Both beds had matching duvets…..nice blue and white sky designs. The pillow cases were pale blue. Miff, Charlie and I had had enough TV, and Robbie had packed up about half an hour earlier. Miff and Robbie did their bathroom stuff together, and I followed them five minutes later. I popped my head round Charlie's door to say goodnight. There was one bedside light on and both boys were in their beds, their top halves uncovered, and discarded clothes left in two heaps on the floor between them. Charlie, on his back with his hands behind his head spoke… ..
'Nite Tom. Will you be ok in there with him then?'
'Robbie's asleep so… . '
'Oh. Anyway, we won't disturb you, but if you're not up by nine we'll come and get you ok?'
I smiled and closed the door behind me.
I looked at Robbie as I shut our bedroom door. His bedside light was still on and he was lying on his back with his shoulders uncovered. I couldn't resist it. I slowly drew back the summer weight duvet that had covered him. Robbie had one hand on his tummy, the other lay by his side. His left knee was slightly drawn up leaving a gap between his legs. The movement of the cover had disturbed him. He turned onto his side away from me with his right leg drawn right up now. The faint residual tan on his back contrasted with the pale skin of his buttocks. I looked carefully into the shadow between them. There was just the deep shadow in the narrow gap that was visible at the very top of his legs. I must have spent two or three minutes studying Robbie. I replaced the duvet, and noticed the pile of folded clothes near the foot of the bed, with the smallest items on top. I picked up one of them. Refolded, more neatly than it had been left, I replaced it on top the pile.
In bed I wondered…shall I, or shall I not? I had turned off Robbie's light and I lay there in almost total darkness….just a little light from a streetlamp penetrating the curtains. No, I'll read for a while.
I couldn't settle to that. I glanced at the small clock on the chest of drawers. Ten thirty five. I put out my light and lay on my side and looked at Robbie, some six feet away from me. I could just make out the figure…….he had turned over towards me, open mouthed.
There was a little light coming through the curtains. I glanced at the clock. I was just aware of slight pressure on my shoulder .
It was Robbie.
It took me a few seconds to focus on the naked figure. Robbie always stands beautifully upright. I have always noticed that. It's the way he holds his hands, or rather his arms. He seems very conscious of exactly how he holds them. His arms hangs to his sides with his hands just turned slightly open.
Because of the way he's standing, he telling me something about his body…….the way it is now. I could hardly miss it. I study it for a few seconds. I haven't seen that many of them, and this one bears a strong resemblance to Charlie. I suppose it would because they are brothers. He's smaller than Charlie, which befits Robbie's age. The testes are packed tightly underneath.
I look up at Robbie's face. His mouth is half open and he's wearing that slightly vacant expression of his. The light filtering through the window casts onto his hair creating lighter areas amongst the darker. He's waiting.
Robbie sees me looking.
'Can I come in please?'
I answer him by drawing the duvet back and making space for him. He gets in beside me and I immediately enfold him into my arms. We both want contact so we straighten our bodies so that we touch. I pull him towards me, my hand firm against the lowest part of his back.
Robbie's hands are held together under his chin.
I can smell the top of Robbie's head. It's sweet and of him, mixed with the remains of last night's shampoo. I love his ears, in fact I love all of him. I realise that now. I whisper in his warm ear…… .
'I think something has come between us Robbie.'
With hindsight, it wasn't really the right moment for jokes.
'What? Have you?'
I had to explain. A minute later he had a question for me.
'Would you like me to Tom?'
I knew what he meant, but it was no time to be selfish. One never needs to do that that…..it's never a matter of life and death is it? Of course it isn't.
'No Robbie, but do you want to?'
'I don't mind if you do Robbie.'
'I just wanted to please you Tom…….like you did Charlie?'
'You don't need to Robbie, really you don't. I just love being with you, that's all. That's enough.'
'No, not forever.'
'I love being with you too, Tom. When then?'
I tried to explain to Robbie that just because a certain part of our body reacts to another's touch and our own thoughts the way it does, doesn't mean that we have to act upon it.
'But it's still nice isn't it?'
'Yes it is Robbie. It's very nice.'
I'd noticed something about Robbie's body in those minutes that we shared this morning in bed. It probably wasn't more than ten minutes. We heard Mrs Lee shout from downstairs…… .
'Breakfast in fifteen minutes boys' .
He's not muscular in any way, but everything about him has a kind of firmness . I can't think of any other word to use. If I didn't know otherwise, I would have thought he was an athlete in training. Then I gradually put two and two together.
We were out of bed and dressing. I had lost the obvious signs of recently being intimate with a boy three years younger than me, but Robbie hadn't, as he began to dress himself. I asked him……
'That club you go to Robbie. What is it?'
'It's a dance club. I do ballet.'
After breakfast, he asked me if I would go with him to Dance Cub. He goes every Saturday afternoon and on Wednesday evenings. It's not the sort of thing that a year seven boy shouts about at school, sadly. I have to admit I was surprised when he told me.
Robbie's mum…..I call her Mrs Lee…..took me aside after breakfast.
'I'm sorry about Charlie, Tom. I'm very cross with him. It's unforgivable behaviour.'
It was. At breakfast, he came out with various remarks loaded with innuendo obviously aimed at me, and Robbie. I know that Mrs Lee had put two and two together and got four with regard to Charlie and me. You can't hide it effectively, not long term, and who wants to anyway? I also knew that she had given Charlie a very hard time over his 'relationship' with me and the exchange had upset both of them. In fact that was the beginning of the end for me and Charlie. I wasn't to be in his longer term plan anyway, so why not get shot of me now? Very sensible I suppose. If she asks me if Robbie came into my bed at any time last night, I will tell her that he did…..for about twenty minutes of bliss as far as I was concerned, and I hope for dear Robbie too. Nothing happened. We both knew what each of us had got, because we could feel them on our tummies. What amazing things they are. Robbie's penis is beautiful in whatever state it's in. One day maybe, but not now.
In bed with me, he asked if he lie on top of me, and I said, yes, if he wanted to. He lay with his legs either side of mine. I spent five minutes stroking his back while he gently moved himself an inch or two against my tummy…..then back again, repeating that movement over and over again. I let him do it. I kept the palms of my hands on his bottom so I had some control over his movements. I could feel the muscles working in his buttocks. He's a strong boy there….very strong. I had total access to that part of Robbie's body and I was getting dangerously close to something I might regret immediately afterwards, and for a moment I thought I would lose control. I very nearly did. I'm not sure if Robbie did or not. I didn't want to ask him, and I don't think he'd want to tell me if he had. At his age and rather obvious stage of development in that way, I knew there wouldn't be any other way of knowing if he had or not. If he had, he'd hidden it well. The whole thing came to an untimely, or probably timely, end when Mrs Lee's summons wafted up the stairs.
I borrowed Robbie's bathrobe and reached the bathroom unseen holding myself in at the front. Robbie wanted to come with me but I told him he couldn't. I told him I would be back in five minutes. I think I was in there for less than three. When I got back into the bedroom, he was ferreting through piles of clothes inside a fitted cupboard looking for a pair of clean underpants. He pulled out a pair. They didn't look like the usual sort of thing at all. They looked like they were designed to hold a boy securely. I imagined it was what he needed for ballet. I didn't enquire.
Mrs Lee was very nice. I had the distinct impression that her attitude had moderated since the big row with Charlie. She said that Robbie was 'different' to Charlie. Sure, he is different, but what did she mean exactly? I told her that he's asked me to go with him to his ballet class that afternoon. She thought it was a nice idea, and thanked me.
'It's ok Mrs Lee. It sounds interesting.'
'It is Tom. Are you sure you'll be alright?'
'Yes, I'm sure I will be.'
'Good. It's not something he tells everybody about, which I know is silly. Lots of boys do it. And something else I'd like to say to you Tom. I know Robbie has teased you in the past, but that's because he wants your attention. It's very kind of you to be friendly towards him. I just want you to know that it's fine for you two to be friends, but please don't feel you have to be. Do you see what I'm saying Tom? Robbie is a very loving boy, and will certainly want to show that side of his character to you, if you let him. It's just a matter of whether you want that or not, but you mustn't let him have his own way all the time. He can be quite wilful.'
To be honest I wasn't totally sure, but I nodded a 'yes I understand', rather than saying it out loud. Am I thinking what she's thinking?
Now I understand why he holds himself the way he does. The boys and girls are trained right from the outset to stand properly. He first went when he was six. A teacher who had connections with the London Ballet School had spotted Robbie in the athletic sports soon after he joined the school. Robbie's main event was the high jump. The ability to jump high is a major factor in the selection of boys who might want to dance. Robbie went along to the nearest class to try it out, and liked it. His parents were told that he had potential, and that he should apply to a proper school. He got in. The rest is history.
It looked like an old warehouse. Once inside the double doors, we went up a flight of stairs to the first floor. There was a notice on the blue door….the London Ballet School. I could hear a piano playing somewhere and the sound of a man's voice.
Robbie went ahead of me down a corridor, every now and again looking behind at me, smiling in an encouraging way. I was quite needlessly nervous about the whole thing, and Robbie knew it. In front of us was a line of boys who all turned round to look at the latest arrivals. Robbie embarrassingly took hold of my hand.
'Hi everybody. This is Tom. He's thinking of joining.'
Thinking of joining! I don't think so.
There must have been at least a dozen boys waiting, and now every one of them was scrutinizing me. There was a succession of 'Hi Toms' as I looked at each smiling face. They looked very ordinary in various styles of casual clothes with their small bags slung over their shoulders. In age, they looked like late primary to mid secondary……say, eight up to my age. In size they ranged from what I would describe as small and bit puny, to about my height, and I'm exactly five feet.
What I would say is how incredibly open and friendly they all were towards me, right from the outset.
I asked Robbie where I should go. All the boys would have to change somewhere.
'Come in with us Tom.'
A man who looked quite young, probably in his early twenties at a rough guess, unlocked a door and we all trouped in. I sat down on a bench in the middle.
'Sit there Tom. Come in with us when we're all ready ok?'
I didn't see an ounce of fat on any of the boys. They all looked like athletes…..long straight legs, most very slim, and with one very noticeable feature……very well formed and firm bottoms. They're all like it. They all had sticky-out and quite muscular bottoms…..even the youngest ones.
The man's name was Otto. All the kids called him that. It was 'yes Otto…no Otto…..three bags full Otto'. He seemed very good with them and all the time they were changing into their ballet kit, he went round them individually asking them how they were and so on. He ignored me, at least to start with. Sitting as I was, feeling a bit of a spare part generally, I got to see the boys.
The first thing that impressed me was that they were all completely comfortable naked in front of Otto. The boys were like living sculptures. The changing process was like a ritual, and they took their time over every detail. First, they all strip off everything, and several of them examined themselves in front of one of the four full length mirrors that were fixed to the walls. Otto walked amongst them making little comments and giving them a light touch on the shoulder just to jolly them along……that sort of thing. Several of them extracted a pair of black tights. I noticed that two of the youngest, probably about eight or nine, wore nothing under their tights. There was no sign of their testes, but their little penises made a slight indentation. I thought they looked very cute. One of them had the most wonderful head of butter coloured quite long hair, but most wore their hair short and neatly trimmed. One boy, about my age, seemed very interested in me for some reason. He was sitting on the bench directly opposite me. Every time I glanced in his direction, he seemed to be looking in my direction. He didn't smile, but just gave me this slightly vacant look. He had slightly longer hair than most of them and piercing blue eyes. I found his attention to me unnerving. By the look of him, he had begun puberty, but there was no evidence of any hair. There were a couple of others who seemed 'on the way' as it were, and they didn't have any hair either.
All the boys did their stretches naked. This involved touching their toes, and various other exercises. The boy with the blue eyes performed this ritual right in front of me, most of it, or rather one particular movement, with his back to me. I couldn't help looking. He could get the palms of his hands flat on the floor, admittedly with his feet wide apart. I was impressed! Then he turned round, smiled at me for the first time, and continued his stretches. My face felt extremely hot. I think that's what made him smile.
Robbie wore stretchy little blue shorts with a standard looking pair of white briefs underneath. A couple of others, a bit younger than me I think, wore very tight little knicker things. The older ones wore something similar but with a thong at the back. It seemed to me that what the boys wore was directly related to their development, that's to say that if you haven't much to worry about, you don't need anything at all, and if you have something bordering on the substantial, then you need the proper kit which is called a dance belt. Blue Eyes wore one of these. It was flesh coloured. Robbie's white knickers show through his black tights, but not so Blue Eyes.
The other thing about all this is that they all take great care to obey the twelve o'clock rule, even the small fry. That involves ferreting about in your nether regions inside whatever you're wearing, to make sure that willy is sticking up vertically, and that's where it stays. It's all about keeping everything in the right place to avoid damage. That's it really.
All the boys sat waiting. No one said much, and when the door opened at the far end of the room, they all got up and trooped in to their class. Otto sat down on the bench next to me.
'So, you're friends with Robbie then?'
'Yes. He said I could come along today.'
'That's good. Are you interested?'
'Yes, I think so….well, I might be.'
'Would you like me to look at you?'
'What does that mean?'
'It means that you might not have the right kind of body for dance. I can soon tell you. It wouldn't take long.'
'What do I have to do?'
'Nothing. Just take all your clothes off so I can see you properly.'
Otto has a compelling manner. By that I mean he puts you at ease. I think it's his voice more than anything else.
He asked me if I minded undressing. I just gestured a 'no' with my head.
'Come on then. We'll go in the office.
There was a desk in there and a couple of piles of paper on it, plus some other bits and pieces. There was plenty of room to move so I started to undress. He took my clothes from me as I did so…..top first, then my shoes and socks, trousers, and then my pants last. I turned to face Otto. He put his hands on my shoulders.
'Stand as straight as you can please.'
It went on from there. I felt the tips of his fingers run down my arms, my back, around my neck, and around my bottom. He pressed and pulled….took hold of arms, made me bend this way and that. At the end, he tested me for flexibility….toe touching……how high I could raise my legs……all that sort of thing. At times it was an intimate experience.
'Not bad. It would take time, but with lots of hard work you could probably get a little way up the ladder….to start with at least. It's up to you.'
He sat down while I stood, naked, in front of him. I was beginning to feel more comfortable with Otto. I think I even smiled at him. He smiled back.
'Ah, I see you do have a nice smile. That's better. Do you feel better now?'
'Good. You have a good body Tom. You need to look after it…..eat the right food. No sugar drinks. Your friend Robbie has a good body too. What sort of friends are you Tom…..you and Robbie?'
'What do you mean?'
'I mean, do you sleep together?'
It took me a few moments to get over the shock of his question.
'Umm, not really. Well… .. '
'Well I'm sure he'd like you to. Why don't you? He's a sweet boy, and so are you. Ask him. He'll say yes. Do you like girls?'
I watched the class as Otto walked round observing and making comments as he saw fit. He was obviously a rank, if not several, above the man directing the exercises the boys were doing. It was interesting. There's no doubt about it.
The class lasted an hour. As the boys, except one, trooped off back to change, Otto came over to me where I was sitting on a bench to the side. I'm intrigued by his accent. I think he's probably German, or Austrian. Somewhere like that. He's one of those people who inspires confidence in you. Do you know the type? One day I like to do that….inspire confidence in people. I feel that I don't know enough about anything to do that. Maybe one day.
'Where are you from Otto?'
'I'm from the Czech republic. The boy over there is my cousin. His name is Marco. He's fourteen.'
Another surprise. I had him down as fifteen at least.
'Would you like me introduce you?'
I didn't answer. I didn't need to. Otto beckoned Marco over before I had a chance to say no. A few moments later we were face to face…..Blue Eyes looking at blue eyes. Phew!
'Marco, this is Tom.'
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